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It’s not true. Tell me I’ve been lied to…
Blood dripped from Uraraka’s fingers, splattering her shoes with crimson regret. A gasp ghosted over her lips, and a painfully long clatter rang through the air as the bloodied blade slipped from her trembling fingers.
What the hell did I do…
“Not that I care,” Shigaraki frowned, “But you’re making a mess.” His lips pulled back over his teeth as he glared at Uraraka. There was hostility in his expression, but it was more akin to annoyance than anything more dangerous. The thought did little to calm Uraraka’s racing heart.
“Oh, leave off it,” Magne sighed, pacing over to Uraraka’s side. “You okay, baby?” Affection and concern swam across Magne’s face as she stepped over the body at Uraraka’s feet. “You seem out of sorts. Something the matter?”
Swallowing a wave of nausea down, Uraraka forced a grin onto her face. “What made ya think that?” Mustering every ounce of her courage, she accented her tone with girlish giggles, tapping the corner of her mouth playfully for good measure.
“You seem a little shaky,” Magne reached to cup Uraraka’s chin, tilting the girl’s face side to side for a moment, inspecting her as if she could diagnose Uraraka’s troubles with a simple look. “Do you feel okay?”
“Don’t be silly!” Uraraka pushed Magne away, waving her off. “I just spaced out for a second.” A deep furrow appeared in Magne’s brow, but she didn’t challenge Uraraka.
“Toga,” Shigaraki barked, his volume sending adrenaline burning up Uraraka’s spine. Jumping, she turned to face him, finding the oppressive weight of his red eyes already on her. Maybe they hadn’t left her. “Did you get enough blood?”
“I—” Uraraka started, head spinning from everything she’d been forced to endure in the last hour. The last ten minutes alone were enough to shake even the most steadfast hero’s resolve.
Earlier that morning, Uraraka had woken with a start to the sound of her alarm blaring, meaning one thing: she was late for class. As misfortune would have it, training was being hosted by a guest teacher, a pro hero whose quirk was simple but devastating. With everything that had happened to class 1-A, UA’s upper staff seemed to find it prudent to prepare the students for any and all scenarios they might encounter in the field.
So, it was with that in mind that the school called on a retried hero that could give the students first-hand experience with a body swap quirk. The only problem, for Uraraka, was that this particular quirk forced its target into the body of the last person they’d touched. In her case, that meant she was standing amongst her peers, trying to debate who to pair up with, one second and standing over the bound body of someone she didn’t know, knife in hand, the next.
“Of course,” Uraraka snickered through a toothy grin, balling her hands on her hips and rocking forward to feign a petulant glare at Shigaraki in her best attempt at imitating Toga’s personality and mannerisms.
“Let’s move, then,” Shigaraki turned, waving at the others to follow. “You know your orders.”
Confusion swelled in Uraraka when she realized the group was splitting off. Without further preamble, Kurogiri warped away with Shigaraki, Dabi, and Mr. Compress while Spinner and Magne clambered into a rather beat down van.
“You coming, Toga?” Twice looked back at Uraraka, waiting on her to move. “You’re gonna make us late!”
“Jin, get over here,” Magne snorted, holding the van door open for him. “You already forget? She’s not riding with us, unless—” Swinging around to face Uraraka, Magne continued, “You want us to drop you off at your mark?”
“N-no,” Uraraka wrung her hands, “I need a moment anyways. I’ll catch up.” With a shrug, Magne slammed the van door shut behind Twice, and the trio took off, leaving Uraraka alone in the League of Villains’ base.
Mind racing, Uraraka wandered through the decrepit building until she found what had to be a bathroom. Wrinkling her nose, she searched for a light, switching it on when her fingers brushed over it. Above her head, a bulb on its last leg flickered to life, loose wires humming as it illuminated the small room with unflattering yellow light.
It wasn’t a surprise to find Toga staring back from the cracked mirror above the sink, but Uraraka couldn’t stop the sharp inhale that punctuated her breath when she caught sight of herself. There she was, in all her unhinged glory, Uraraka’s summer romance turned secret girlfriend, known villain Toga Himiko. In the flesh. Blood streaked across one cheek and coating her knuckles, fingers stained crimson. A disorienting vision, breathtaking in more ways than one.
In her heart, Uraraka knew Toga’s truth – knew what she did and how she got by – but this was something else. Between playful texts and lingering kisses, it was easy to subsist on a steady diet of denial. Uraraka had never been able to find justification for Toga’s actions, but as long as she wasn’t literally faced with them, she could believe – pretend for a moment – that things weren’t as bad as they seemed on paper. That Toga didn’t really hurt people, at least not ones that didn’t deserve it.
You knew.
But…
How long will you deny her nature? As long as it suits you? Forever?
A terrible ache blossomed in Uraraka’s chest, wailing against her ribs and clawing up her throat. Eyes stinging, she fumbled with the sink faucet, dizziness washing over her as she remembered that the blood on her hands wasn’t hers.
And now, you’re no better.
Anguish coiled around Uraraka’s spine, and for a moment, she couldn’t move, almost unable to breathe as the weight of her actions came crashing down on her. A distinct coppery tang filled her nose, suffocating her as she watched the running water turn pink before swirling down the drain.
It was about survival.
How can you think that? How can you— How could you…
Reaching her limit, Uraraka’s knees buckled, and she crumbled to the floor, tears springing to her eyes. Nothing in her training could have prepared her for this. On the backs of her eyelids, she saw herself: kneeling, reaching, swinging, slicing. In her hand, she could still feel the blade as it shook in her grip – could feel the heat that spread up her fingers as blood coated them. Over and over, she saw it, an unrelenting loop of horror. Toga’s hands. Uraraka’s action.
In the blackness of Uraraka’s despair, an unhelpful voice mocked her, cackling at the cracks in her armor. You could have found a way out. This wasn’t about your survival. Admit that you did it to protect her . Admit that you love her enough to kill for her. Admit it.
“No,” Uraraka sobbed, folding deeper into herself as she rocked on the dirty floor of the bathroom.
Pathetic. You could have saved them, but you’re broken. One day, you’ll be called a hero, but that’s ruined now. That praise will only ever taste like poison because you were too weak to say no. Because you love—
Uraraka’s nails dug into her palms, but the pain wasn’t enough to rip her from her dark spiral, and without her body, without her own quirk, she’d never felt more lost. Everything was wrong. So very, very wrong. Vision still blurred by tears, Uraraka tried to stand, but the shock wracking her body reigned victorious, pinning her to the cold ground with cruel ease.
Feeling faint, Uraraka patted Toga’s body down, searching for her girlfriend’s cell phone. If she could find it, she could use its GPS to get out of the base. As if on cue, the phone vibrated, sending a fresh shock of ice through Uraraka’s veins. Gritting her teeth against the phantom pain, she pulled the phone out, dread coiling in her gut when she saw the most recent notification.
Occhan: Where are you????? Are you at the base????
Uraraka had been so focused on her own situation that she hadn’t even had a chance to think about the implication of her being in Toga’s body and what that meant for hers. That final consideration was all it took for Uraraka to pass out, slumping against the door of the small bathroom as a flood of texts poured in from her very concerned girlfriend.
“—and I’m sure that’s why. It’s not uncommon. These kinds of quirks are incredibly disorienting, which is why they are so powerful in the field.”
“Which is certainly why you thought it wise to prepare the students, but I must ask that you dismiss yourself. The girl needs rest more than anything. She’ll be right as rain so long as she’s not overwhelmed again so soon.”
“Understandable. I’ll take my leave, then.”
Uraraka’s eyes fluttered open, and she found herself in the nurse’s office – a safe space with which she was well acquainted. She didn’t bother trying to move. As long as she was safe in her bed, it meant that her horrible nightmare was just that. A nightmare.
“Ah,” Recovery Girl tutted, noticing Uraraka had woken. “Go ahead and take it easy for a moment. Don’t want to overdo it. You passed out during training.” Moving over to Uraraka’s bedside, Recovery Girl took a seat on a stool. “Can you tell me your name?”
“Uraraka… Ochako.” The words were heavy in Uraraka’s throat.
“Very good,” Recovery Girl smiled. “We’ll have you sit here a bit longer, but you will be able to return to your classes shortly.” Uraraka nodded weakly. “Oh, and you dropped your phone, but one of your friends brought it by for you.” With a gentle tsk, Recovery Girl slipped the phone into Uraraka’s hands.
“Thank you.”
Just a nightmare, Uraraka thought as she unlocked her phone. Just a—
Me: where are u????? are u at the base????
Me: occhan answer me!!!!!
Me: Ochako!!!
Me: babe??????????
Me: text me back!!
Me: ??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: find magne!!!!!!!
Me: im coming!!! stay!!!!!!
A barrage of messages that Uraraka hadn’t sent – wouldn’t have sent. Meaning…
Uraraka’s phone buzzed.
Hime: we need to talk
For a second time that day, dread blossomed in Uraraka’s core.
Seeing Toga in person was jarring in a way that reminded Uraraka a little too much of their first meeting that night in the forest. By the time they met up, Uraraka had managed to calm her nerves enough that she didn’t think she would faint again, but that didn’t mean she felt well – not by a long a shot.
“Occhan,” Toga hummed, pulling Uraraka’s stiff body into her arms. “I—” For the first time in memory, Toga faltered, brow furrowing as she considered her words carefully in a rare show of restraint. “I’m sorry.” Her amber eyes were wide, sincerity swirling in her unguarded expression. “Did I ruin it?”
“What?” Uraraka choked, shaken from her stupor enough to pull back, allowing her to cup Toga’s face with gentle hands. “You didn’t do anything.”
That’s not tr—
“Why would you think—” Uraraka cut off, shaking her head as if she could dispel the unpleasant mire occupying her mind. “Don’t.”
“I just…” Toga paused, melting into Uraraka, her face nuzzling into Uraraka’s neck. “I know how important being a hero is to you.”
Uraraka felt sick, and even as Toga trailed tender kisses up her neck, she couldn’t shake the shadow that passed over her heart.
“Is it always that easy?”
“Hmm?” Toga hummed into Uraraka’s jugular.
“Killing,” Uraraka managed, her tongue dryer than cotton in her mouth. “Is killing someone always that easy?”
“Occhan,” Toga leaned back, finding Uraraka’s teary eyes. “You didn’t kill them.”
“I did, and now… now… I—” Toga’s arms tightened around Uraraka, supporting her weight as she trembled.
“No,” Toga nosed at Uraraka’s wet cheek like a cat. “I don’t mean that I killed them, if that’s what you thought. I meant that they didn’t die.”
“What?” Sniffling, Uraraka clung to Toga, horror and hope twining through her veins in an agonizing symphony of optimism. “But—”
“Do you want proof?”
A breath Uraraka didn’t know she needed worked its way into her lungs, and when she breathed out, she found herself whispering, “No.”
“Are you okay?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s okay not to be okay.”
“I know.”
“Occhan?”
“Mmm?”
“I love you.”
Faint warmth tugged at Uraraka’s lips, a small half-smile animating her features.
“I love you too.”
Carefully, as if she was afraid that she might shatter Uraraka, Toga tilted her head, leaning in to find Uraraka’s lips. She hovered a hair’s breadth away, silently asking for Uraraka to close the gap – a contrast to her usual fervor.
Eyes fluttering closed, Uraraka met Toga, their lips meeting in a delicate kiss, accented by the tears of relief that streamed down Uraraka’s cheeks. Toga didn’t mind, though. No, she only held Uraraka tighter, humming into the kiss, their foreheads pressing together when they finally broke apart, lips rosy and cheeks flushed.