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Carlos sat in his apartment, staring at the TV without really watching it. How could he have been so wrong about this? He had been sure that Cecil was romantically interested in him. Why else would he have said all those things about him on the radio? And yet… last night Cecil had been fairly clear about what his intentions were. Carlos was notoriously bad at reading non-verbal cues, but Cecil had hardly been subtle.
For instance, there had been what he was wearing. On their first date, Cecil had been all dressed up. Granted, his idea of fancy clothing was a bit different from what Carlos was used to, but he had looked gorgeous and sexy and just so… Cecil. But when he had gone to pick Cecil up last night, he had been wearing a plain navy blue hoodie and sweat pants, without so much as a hint of eyeliner on his face. That was the moment he had started to worry.
Then as the evening had gone on, Carlos had started to notice something off about the way Cecil was behaving. Carlos was used to adoring looks and casual (and less casual) touches from Cecil, even before they had started dating. But last night, Cecil had been very guarded, hardly even glancing at him as they ate their sundaes at the White Sands Ice Cream Shop. And the moment he’d pulled up in front of Cecil’s house, Cecil had been out of the car without even saying goodbye, much sharing a goodnight kiss.
Carlos sighed and turned the TV off. What had he missed? He had thought their first date had gone well, but he must have missed something if Cecil had changed his mind this much.
Then an awful thought hit him. What if Cecil hadn’t changed his mind at all? What if he had been misreading him all along? What if Cecil was just this friendly to everyone? What if Cecil had never really liked Carlos at all? He groaned. Of course. That explained everything. He had just been stupid and egotistical enough to think Cecil liked him. And now he’d gone and ruined what could have been a perfectly good friendship.
He was just about to call Cecil and apologize when there was a knock on his door. For a moment, he considered just ignoring it and hoping whoever it was just went away, but then he remembered the incident a few months ago when one of his lab assistants had avoided a call from the Sheriff’s Secret Police. It was best not to risk it. The knock sounded again, and he forced himself to stand and walk to the door.
He looked through the peephole and was surprised to see Cecil on his doorstep, staring fixedly at his own feet. Well, this would save him a phone call at least. He took a deep breath and opened the door.
Cecil looked up and gave him a weak smile. “Hey Carlos,” he said. His hair was sticking up at weird angles and his eyeliner was streaked across his face. He looked like he hadn’t slept at all the night before. And were those dried tears on his cheeks?
Cecil shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other and Carlos realized he had been staring. He shook his head to clear it and smiled. “Uh, hi Cecil. You… want to come in?”
Cecil looked back at the ground and shrugged. Carlos took that as a yes and stepped back so Cecil could go from standing awkwardly outside to standing awkwardly inside.
As he closed the door, Carlos noticed for the first time the papers Cecil had clutched in his sweaty hand. “What’s that?” he asked, pointing.
Cecil bit his lip as if struggling to stop himself from crying. When he did finally speak, his voice was barely more than a whisper. “It’s the relationship termination forms for city hall,” he muttered. “I filled them out so you wouldn’t have to. It’s the least I could do.”
Carlos nodded. So he had been right. Cecil was breaking up with him. Even though he had been expecting it, it still felt like he was being punched in the gut as he took the forms from Cecil.
A single tear escaped Cecil’s eye and he wiped it off quickly, smudging his eyeliner further. “You just need to sign and then you can go back to being single.”
“Okay,” said Carlos. “Um, can I look these over before I sign?”
Cecil nodded without saying anything. A second tear was running slowly down his cheek.
“Why don’t you come in and sit down?” Carlos offered. “It shouldn’t be too long, and then you won’t have to come back.”
Cecil swallowed hard and followed Carlos further into the tiny apartment. He sat on the very edge of the only couch in the room, as far away from Carlos as he could get without falling off the furniture. Carlos watched him, feeling his stomach twist even further. Cecil didn’t even want to be near him. He was so stupid.
Carlos scanned the document in his hands, not paying much attention as he searched for some clue as to what he had done wrong. And there it was, about halfway down the sheet. “Reason for termination of relationship.” And underneath, Cecil had checked the small box beside the words “Sexual incompatibility.” Carlos frowned and looked up at Cecil. They hadn’t even had sex yet, never mind sex that was worth ending a relationship for.
“Just sign it,” Cecil said stiffly, noticing Carlos’s stare.
Carlos nodded and turned his attention back to the bottom of the paper where there were two spaces for signatures: one for the person initiating the breakup and the other for the person they were breaking up with. One of the lines already bore Cecil’s messy signature. Carlos stared at it for a few seconds before looking back up at Cecil.
“What?” Cecil snapped, the tears starting to creep into his voice. “Can’t you just sign and get this over with?”
“Um, Cecil?” Carlos said cautiously. “I’m… I’m not initiating a breakup.”
“Yes you are,” Cecil whispered. “Or you were about to. I know you don’t want to be with me. You don’t have to pretend you do.”
Carlos set the papers down on the coffee table and turned his full attention to the man sitting on the opposite end of the couch. “Cecil, you’re not making any sense.”
“I saw you!” Cecil practically yelled. “On our last date! You hardly even looked at me!”
“Neither did you,” Carlos pointed out. “And you didn’t dress up or talk or anything either.”
“That was for you!” Cecil said, tears starting down his face again. “I don’t want to lead you on and disappoint you! It’s happened too often and… I just can’t do it again. I can’t let someone down again. Especially not you.”
Carlos nodded. “That’s okay, Cecil. We don’t have to date if you don’t want to. I’m sorry. I’m not good at reading people. I thought you were interested in me, but if you’re not we can just be friends. It’s fine.”
“Of course I’m interested in you!” Cecil snapped. “That’s exactly the problem!”
Carlos stared at him, turning the words over in his mind. Finally, he shook his head. “I’m sorry. You lost me.”
Cecil took a deep breath and looked him in eyes for the first time since entering the apartment. “I really like you,” he said quietly. “And if you wanted to date I would love that. But… I don’t want to lead you on.”
When Carlos still looked confused, Cecil sighed and continued. “I’ve dated guys before, Carlos. I know how this is going to go. We’ll go on a few dates and everything will be brilliant, and then one night you’ll drop me off at home and ask if you can come in for coffee, but you won’t really want coffee and I’ll end up disappointing you like I have every other guy I’ve ever dated, and I don’t want to do that. Not to you.”
“Wait,” said Carlos. “You mean this is about… sex?”
Cecil nodded, looking back at his lap. “Sorry,” he whispered. “I don’t want to have sex with you.”
“And that’s why you were dressed like that on our last date?” he continued. “You don’t want to lead me on?”
Cecil nodded again. “And you didn’t even look at me. I took sex off the table and you didn’t even want to be with me at all!”
“Cecil,” Carlos said gently. “I thought you didn’t want me to look. You were acting all moody and you were dressed in a way I had never seen you dress before, and I-“
“So you don’t want me if I’m not being all sexy!” Cecil interrupted.
“No!” Carlos said. “It’s not because you weren’t being sexy, it’s because you weren’t being you!”
Now it was Cecil’s turn to stare uncomprehendingly.
Carlos looked down at the floor, suddenly uncomfortable. “Cecil, you’ve got this great energy and this zest for life that so many people try to hide. But you don’t. If you think something or feel something you say it, and you don’t care what other people think. That’s why I wanted to date you. But last night, you were acting like every other guy on the planet and I thought… I thought maybe it was because you didn’t like me.”
Cecil looked almost horrified at that. “No, Carlos!” he said. “I just didn’t want to hurt you!”
Carlos shook his head. “You’re not going to hurt me, Cecil.”
Cecil bit his lip. “So… what are you saying?”
Carlos shrugged. “I’m saying I can take things as slow as you need me to.”
“I don’t mean slow,” Cecil clarified. “I mean I probably won’t want to have sex with you. Ever.”
“Ever?” Carlos asked, raising an eyebrow.
Cecil nodded again. “I’m sorry. It’s just not something I like to do.”
When Carlos was silent for a long time, Cecil’s shoulders slumped. “Just sign the papers,” he said, sliding them back toward Carlos.
Carlos picked up the pen and bent over the paper, but then he thought of something and put it back down. “So what do you like?” he asked.
“What do you mean?” Cecil asked the carpet, his voice failing to hide the tears he was holding back.
“Well,” said Carlos, “you did seem pretty excited to date me, and scientifically speaking that wouldn’t make sense if there wasn’t something about dating that you liked. So if it’s not sex then what is it?”
“Does it matter?” Cecil demanded, practically glaring a hole in the carpet.
“Sure it does,” said Carlos. “Maybe we like some of the same things.”
Cecil looked up, his eyes wet but filled with a reserved hope. “Um, I like to cuddle,” he admitted.
Carlos nodded encouragingly.
“I like to dance and eat together and play games and sometimes I like to kiss if I know that’s all it is.”
Carlos nodded again. “Well those are all things I like too, Cecil.”
There was a long silence that Cecil finally broke with a cautious voice. “Carlos, are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“Yeah,” said Carlos. “Assuming you think I’m saying that I want to try a relationship with you, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”
Cecil practically launched himself across the couch and wrapped his arms around Carlos’s neck, making him give a surprised gasp, but he quickly relaxed enough to return the hug. At first, he couldn’t figure out what Cecil was saying as he sobbed into his shoulder. But as he listened, he figured out that it was the words “Thank you” and “Perfect” repeated over and over again.
Carlos held him tight. “It’s okay,” he whispered back. “I’m not going to leave you.”
At some point that evening, they shifted so they were sitting next to each other so they could both see the TV. Cecil’s head was resting on Carlos’s shoulder, and it was the happiest either of them had been in a long time.