Chapter Text
Vigilantes, like the ones from comics, don’t exist.
Sure there’s the occasional do-gooder, who may or may not be a little insane and dress in super onesies, but the point is; vigilantes don’t exist.
Chloe knows this like she knows Lucifer isn’t the Devil, but is in fact, probably insane. Which is why it feels like such a slap in the face when Pierce assigns Chloe to the new Vigilante Division. She thought things were going well with them, but apparently not if the Lieutenant was giving her such a case.
Was this a joke?
Chloe Decker was a homicide detective, not some James Gordon who ran off making friends with dark-knights. Did Pierce expect her to make an angel light or something in hopes of attracting a vigilante?
Chloe glared at the newspaper clipping, one of the first of many, declaring that angels were on Earth to save them all.
They were calling him the Angel of San Bernardino.
And as if one angel wannabe wasn’t enough, there was apparently an entire cult of them. Chloe couldn’t come up with any other explanation for all of the sightings that took place around the world, sometimes on the same night with only minutes between them. A couple sightings in New York. A few more in Canada. Several in Mexico. One in Australia. One thing was certain though, the sightings in California far out stripped those in other parts of the world.
Fuck.
Lucifer would would find an innuendo for sure. Sixty-nine angel sightings in California.
Chloe dragged a hand over her face.
And speak of the Devil. “Any updates on this Kevin Winstead fellow?”
“Nope, Dan’s taking over that case.”
“What? But why? Do you expect me to work with the Douche?!” Lucifer asked, appalled. “No, I will not have it. I refuse. You’ll have to get our case back. Not to worry, I’ll-“
“Lucifer stop,” Chloe put up a hand. “I already talked to Marcus-“
“Oh, so he’s Marcus now?”
Chloe rolled her eyes. “Like I said, it was the Lieutenant that made me drop the case. Trust me, I’ve tried getting him to change his mind but he won’t have it.”
“But that’s preposterous! You’re the best detective LA has! What other case does he have you working on then? Hmm? Something boring? I hate boring! Wha? What’s this?”
Chloe turned, finally pulling her eyes away from her computer.
“My new case,” Chloe groaned. “Can you believe that Pierce is putting stock in this angel vigilante?”
“What? No, no. This is perfect Detective.” Lucifer beamed, looking from her to the file and back again. “This is why we’re partners. Practically in each other’s heads.” He looked like he could hug her.
“What are you talking about?”
“Why, this of course!” He waved the file. “Come, I may have our first lead.”
Chloe stood, reluctantly following him but curious none the less.
“What’s your lead?”
“Me. I need to find out if I’m this Angel, because if I am, then dear old Dad is manipulating me again and I won’t have it!”
And there’s her headache, revived, only ten times worse since it's name is Lucifer.
“Lucifer, you aren’t an angel.”
“Yes, exactly. I’m the Devil, but Dad-“
“Alright, enough metaphors. Why don’t we start from the beginning? Why do you think you’re the Angel of San Bernardino.”
“Right. Well, remember that broad we were interviewing at the last crime scene?”
“Mrs. Winstead?”
“Yes, her, and remember how she kept going on about how an Angel saved her and that they took one of her sex-toy-angel statues?”
Chloe nodded, slowly recalling that moment. “It wasn’t a sex toy but go on.”
“Well, I went home that day and nearly tripped on it in my bedroom.”
“Wait, the missing Saint Gabriel statue was in your penthouse?”
“Yes Detective, exactly! And I have no idea how it got there!”
“Couldn't one of your guests have brought it up?” Chloe asks.
“Yes, except I’ve had the most cumbersome cock blockers stuck on my back, and they’re a sure mood killer. I haven’t had a good shag since I decided to stop cutting them… off… Ooh, there’s an idea, perhaps I’ll just cut them off again…”
“Lucifer focus! Was there anyway that someone could have planted the statue?”
“No.”
“Ok. And do you have anymore proof that you might be this angel?”
“Well besides the fact that I’ve got my wings back and Dad’s a-“
“Lucifer!”
“You know, this would be a lot easier if you would just believe me!” Lucifer huffed and Chloe tapped her foot, her message clear. Continue. “Fine. I also woke up a couple days ago with ash all over my body.”
“What? Are you injured?” she asked, worried.
“Of course not, I’m the Devil.”
Chloe rolled her eyes. “Alright so there’s a small possibility that you could be onto something. There was a fire a few days ago in San Bernardino, and I suppose it’s possible that you could have been there. Anything else?”
“I woke up with sand in my hair this morning?” he offered.
“And?”
“Well, there was sand in my hair, Detective! Do you think I’m the type of Devil to go frolicking at the beach at night? Perhaps make a few sand Devils?”
“So you’re sleep walking?”
“Yes! No? I don’t know, Detective. That’s why you’re here!”
Chloe sighed. “Let’s just go to the penthouse and try figure things out, yeah?”