Work Text:
Klavier wasn’t sure when exactly it started. Perhaps it stemmed from his big brother’s manipulation, something that he hadn’t really come to terms with until all his crimes were brought to light. It’d been hard after their parents died, and Klavier felt like he owed Kristoph a lot. After all, he did have to take care of him. Anything that went wrong was his fault, and he knew it, though it didn’t stop Kristoph from pointing it out and scolding him anyway.
“That sounds like abuse, Gavin.” Apollo Justice had told him when he opened up to him about his childhood one night after he’d had a few strong drinks.
Klavier had just shrugged and flashed his rockstar smile, completely bypassing his concern with “So what will it take for you to actually call me by my first name, Forehead?”
Apollo had rolled his eyes and muttered something about Klavier calling him by his. Klavier simply laughed and poured himself another scotch.
If it had started with Kristoph, it only got worse with Daryan. His closest friend since grade school, the person he trusted more than anyone in his life, someone who he shared his dreams and life goals with had betrayed him. He’d not only murdered an innocent man, he’d gone behind Klavier’s back, lied to him, stole from him.
He didn’t care what Daryan said his reasons were, or that he claimed the murder was an accident, the friendship was over, and that also meant the band was over. He visited Daryan once after his incarceration, but couldn’t bring himself to face him again.
It’d been after that visit that he’d spent another evening with Apollo. The attorney had sent him a message saying that he was hanging out with a friend who happened to be a big fan and had apparently been bugging him about meeting “The hottest rockstar prosecutor alive” (his friends words, NOT his, Apollo pointed out) for quite some time.
Klavier smiled as he read the message, a part of him wondered if it was really just Apollo’s friend who wanted Klavier to hang out with them, or if he was using it as an excuse. Maybe it was both?
He chuckled and shook the thought from his mind, tipping back his beer and downing what was left of the bottle.
Clay Terran was just as loud as Apollo, if not more so. He was pretty much the life of the party at the bar Klavier met them at, and the moment he saw Klavier he seemed completely star-struck, which caused Apollo to roll his eyes and sigh in frustration multiple times.
Klavier signed something for Clay and the three of them sat and drank for a while. He noticed how Clay seemed to bring out more of Apollo’s personality, parts of it Klavier hadn’t seen yet. He smiled as he watched them tease one another, it reminded him of Daryan and himself.
He ordered a stronger drink.
“You uh… drink this much often, Klavier?” Clay blurted out at some point. Apollo elbowed him to shut him up, but Klavier simply chuckled.
“Sometimes.” He told him, downing some more of what he thought was his fifth cocktail of the night, he couldn’t be sure though.
He noticed Apollo frowning as he looked at him. It made him feel guilty at first for worrying him, but it soon turned to anger. Did Apollo pity him? And what of Herr Terran, did he suddenly realize letting Klavier tag along was a bad idea?
Just like that, his mood was soured. The other two men hadn’t needed to say a word. He finished his drink and paid off his tab before calling a cab and slipping away without saying goodbye.
He felt like shit the next day, and it wasn’t just because of the hangover.
So maybe he wasn’t sure where exactly it began, but Klavier could clearly remember hitting his breaking point.
He kept calling out of work, unable to force himself out of bed for long periods of time. He kept ignoring calls from Herr Edgeworth and Apollo. Hell, even the Fraulein detective had tried to call him, but he let that go to voicemail as well.
It was a culmination of many different things: Kristoph refusing to see him, as well as actually trying to speed toward an execution. Randomly picking up his phone and starting to text Daryan (he had to delete his contact info,) and just missing having a best friend in general. Not only still feeling like Apollo pitied him, but everyone at the office as well. He felt everyone’s eyes on him all the time, he was panicky and anxious around everyone. It was becoming unbearable, the paranoia.
He’d drank himself into a stupor over the past several nights. He lost count of the exact number, but he was beginning to run out of alcohol and didn’t know what he’d do to push down the pain once he did. He’d have to leave the house, but one look in the mirror told him that it’d take a lot of effort to make himself even halfway presentable to the public. Could he just… call someone to bring him some? He’d gladly pay for it.
...But Gott, he didn’t want anyone seeing him like that.
His phone rang again, interrupting his thoughts as he continued to lay in bed, wrapped up in blankets. He instantly recognized the music as the ringtone he’d set for Apollo.
He groaned, hiding his head under the blankets. The attorney had already left him a few voicemails, ones which he didn't listen to. He figured Apollo would have taken the hint by now.
He felt guilty, though. While he hadn't listened to those messages, he hadn't been able to ignore the texts Apollo had sent. There were ones asking how he was, why he hadn't been at work… they'd quickly evolved into "I'm worried about you." And "Please, Klavier, at least send me something to let me know you're still alive."
But no matter how shitty he felt about it, he couldn't bring himself to message back.
Just one more thing that makes me worthless. I don't deserve Apollo's concern.
He truly believed everyone would be better off without him. Nobody should have to carry his burdens.
It wasn't long before Klavier completely spiraled. The first cut was an accident… the ones that followed were not. The stinging pain that bloomed from each line was like a step away from his emotional pain and one closer to euphoria. He was thankfully coherent enough to know when to stop, not cutting so deep that he would need stitches, though he really wanted to.
When his mind settled back into reality, he found himself bleeding over his bathroom sink, razor in hand. He frowned and turned on the tap, wincing as he ran his forearm under it. He used to scrape at his skin when he was younger, when he felt like there was no other way to get rid of the buzzing in his brain, but Kristoph was mad when he found out, so he was eventually able to force himself to quit and find other methods of distraction.
But Kristoph wasn’t there now. Nobody was there to stop him.
He sighed to himself as he dug through his medicine cabinet, finding wound cleaner and antibiotic ointment. As he cleaned himself up, he could hear his brother’s voice in his head scolding him, as always.
Klavier, what have I told you about this! You’re not only hurting yourself, but everyone around you!
Do you know how it makes me feel to see you like this? I feel like a complete failure as a brother. I’m supposed to be protecting you!
Dammit, Klavier, again?! Am I going to have to check you over daily for injuries? It’s pathetic, why are you doing this to yourself??
By the time Klavier finished bandaging his arm, his doorbell rang. He frowned and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He looked so tired, so hopeless.
He looked like Kristoph when he was dragged away in court after having been convicted of murder.
A shiver ran up his spine and he heard a loud banging on his front door, followed by the doorbell again. He grabbed his bathrobe and put it on as he made his way to the door, at least that way it covered up not only his gross pajamas he’d been wearing for days, but also his arm.
“I swear to the holy mother, Klavier! I know you’re in there and I’m not leaving until you let me in!!”
Klavier stopped in his tracks at the boisterous voice from outside his home. He stepped up to his door and looked through the peephole to have his fears confirmed: Apollo Justice was on the other side of the door.
He sighed and placed his hand on the doorknob, pausing. He could easily just go back to bed and ignore him. What was he going to do about it?
“Klavier, I can hear you. If you don’t open this door I will do my damndest to bust it down!”
Klavier frowned, knowing Apollo, he absolutely would do that.
He unlocked the knob and deadbolt and opened the door a little, “Okay, okay… don’t hurt yourself, Forehead.”
Apollo was visibly relieved to see Klavier. He immediately shove his foot inside, probably out of fear that Klavier would try to close it back.
“You haven’t answered any of my calls or messages, Gavin.” He said, sounding more worried than angry, “Nobody has seen you in days. Where have you been?!”
Guilt wracked Klavier’s entire being, “I’ve just been here, at home.”
Apollo let out a heavy breath and pushed gently on the door, “Can I come in?”
Klavier paused for a moment, still holding the door firmly. He forced his eyes to look at Apollo’s, though he was afraid of what he’d find there. Surprisingly, it wasn’t pity in those brown eyes, it was worse. Apollo Justice actually looked scared .
He silently pulled the door open and let Apollo inside. The attorney had only been to his house once before, but not for long, and as he stepped into it now he looked around like it was the very first time.
Klavier closed the door and turned to him, “I uh… I apologize for not calling you back, Herr Forehead.”
Apollo shook his head and faced him, “Don’t worry about that right now. I just want you to tell me what’s going on.”
Klavier averted his eyes from the other’s perceptive gaze, “What makes you think something is going on?”
Apollo took a step closer, “Klavier… please don’t take this the wrong way, but you look like hell.”
Klavier cringed, “Ach, Herr Forehead, painfully truthful as ever.”
Apollo rolled his eyes, “Will you be serious for a minute? I’ve been worried about you!”
Klavier sighed, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear, “There’s nothing to worry about. I just took a few days off is all.”
One look at Apollo told Klavier he wasn’t buying it, those dark eyes were boring into his very soul, and he found himself wondering if he was feeling the same thing the witnesses he questioned in the courtroom felt.
“I overheard Mr. Wright talking with Mr. Edgeworth.” Apollo said, stepping even closer, “Even he sounded concerned, and I didn’t know that man could even show emotion.”
Klavier blinked in surprise. Herr Edgeworth was worried as well? “Why?”
Apollo’s brow furrowed, “Why? Why what?”
“Why waste that concern on me? Certainly you have better things to be doing with your time and energy, ja?”
Apollo opened his mouth to say something, shut it, opened it again, and let out a small noise in his clear confusion.
“Klavier…” He was finally able to say, “You do know people care about you… right?”
Klavier kept his gaze on the floor, “Like I said… a waste.”
There was a stretch of silence where Klavier thought Apollo might be listening to him, deciding that he was right, that Klavier was just as pathetic as he felt. It stopped when Klavier suddenly found Apollo wrapping his arms around his torso, leaning his head against his shoulder.
“I don’t know who put that in your head,” Apollo said softly, “But it’s not true. I don’t waste my time worrying about people who aren’t important to me.”
Klavier was frozen still, caught between pushing Apollo away and returning the hug.
“I care about you, Klavier.”
In the end, the latter won out.
Apollo stayed over that night, sitting with Klavier on the couch, letting him talk… letting him cry . And when he found the bandages on Klavier’s arm, he didn’t get angry. He didn’t ask Klavier why, and he didn’t make him promise not to do it again. He simply took Klavier’s hand and leaned over on his shoulder as they continued staring at the movie on the tv that neither of them were actually invested in.
Klavier fell asleep on the couch that night and swore he felt a kiss being pressed to his head as a blanket was pulled over his body. And when he woke up the next morning with a small brunette in his arms, he returned the gesture.
It was a little easier to leave the house when Apollo was there to help. He helped keep him from panicking, from spiraling back down completely. Klavier went back to work, though he found it hard to focus for very long. Edgeworth called him into his office a couple of times. The first to see how he was doing, the second to give him a business card for a therapist that he himself actually went to regularly. Klavier hid the card in his wallet and promised he’d think about contacting them.
He mentioned it to Apollo, and was surprised when he didn’t push. He only said “You need to do what’s best for you. I’ll support you either way.” and let Klavier control the direction of the conversation from there.
It was ultimately what convinced Klavier to call and make an appointment.
The therapist was nice, non-judgemental, and truly seemed to listen to Klavier. She mentioned the possibility of him seeing a psychiatrist if he felt like medical help was needed, but he said he’d wait on that.
For the time being, he stuck with talking to her once a week. He told her about Kristoph and their childhood, about Daryan and the band. But once he’d exhausted those topics, he mostly talked to her about Apollo.
A normal session would start with him explaining how he was feeling since they’d last talked, working through anything negative he’d been dealing with, and the topic would somehow turn to him spending time with the attorney.
“You hang out with this “Herr Forehead” a lot, don’t you?” She’d asked.
Klavier smiled and nodded, “He’s a good friend.”
She smiled back, “It seems like he’s been a good influence on your mental health.”
The more Klavier thought about it, the more he realized she was absolutely correct.
“I… I don’t know if I’d be here without him.” He told her truthfully.
Her smile turned to one of amusement, “Have you told him that?”
Klavier let out a small laugh, shaking his head.
“I don’t think it’s fair to tell him.”
“Why is that?”
Klavier thought for a moment, “I… he might feel compelled to stay in order for me to stay happy.”
The therapist nodded slowly, “And what if he wanted to stay anyway… to make you happy? Perhaps even to make himself happy.”
Klavier raised a brow at her and she just continued to smile softly.
“Klavier, I’m not pushing you to do anything, believe me.” She said, “But I hope you know that there are people who care about you, and that love to see you happy.”
He chuckled again, looking down at his lap.
“It’s silly… You sound a lot like him right now.”
After that session, Klavier started seeing Apollo in a different light… or perhaps he was just choosing to pay attention to how he truly saw him all along. The way he was always messaging Klavier to make sure he’d eaten lunch, how he’d show up at the house without warning just to check in on him, the blush that tinted his cheeks whenever Klavier would compliment him, as well as the nervous chuckle he let out when he’d thank him.
Klavier was in love with Apollo Justice, there was no way around it. He found himself wanting to hold his hand whenever they were together. He imagined being able to run his fingers through his beautiful brown hair and see if those two little horns of his would pop back up if he gently pushed them down. Several times he’d blush at the thought of kissing him, causing Apollo to ask if Klavier was alright.
The thing was, he wasn’t sure if he was alright. Was it the codependency causing him to feel this way? Was he truly in love with Apollo, or was he in love with the thought of someone finally caring for him without being manipulative?
It wasn’t until he began to spiral again that he found out the answer.
“Don’t shut me out again.” Apollo told him, “Please.”
Klavier stood in his house, facing the front door, Apollo being on the other side. He’d secluded himself again, but this time it only took two days for Apollo to stop by.
“I… I don’t know what to do.” Klavier admitted, forehead pressed to the hard wood of the door.
He could hear Apollo pressing himself to the wood as well, “Talk to me. It doesn’t have to be about anything important, it doesn’t even have to be about why you’ve locked yourself away again… Just please, talk to me.”
Klavier fought back tears, biting his lower lip as he gripped the doorknob. He’d already unlocked the door, Apollo had heard it, but he knew the man wouldn’t try to enter without permission.
“I’m scared.” He whispered.
“I know.” Apollo whispered back, “I am too.”
Klavier squeezed his eyes shut. He hadn’t cut again, but the fresh scars on his arm seemed to burn, calling him to do something, anything, to not feel this emotional turmoil.
He wouldn’t though, he couldn’t do that to Apollo. Not that the other man would hold it against him, but Klavier knew he would worry.
“Klavier.” Apollo spoke after a long bout of silence, “Please let me in.”
He’s already worried.
Klavier forced his hand to turn the knob, forced his legs to move backward, forced himself to look Apollo in the eye.
He didn’t have to force his arms around him when Apollo rushed forward to hug him, he didn’t force out the tears he cried as he crumbled, causing them both to collapse onto the floor, and he certainly didn’t force himself to tell Apollo that he meant more to him than any person he’d ever met.
And he definitely didn't have to force the smile that spread across his face when Apollo said "I love you."