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How the fuck could Katherine do it? How could she just up and leave Anna all alone in a world where she had no one else? The other queens were there but no one knew her like Kat did. No one.
So here she was, alone, in a world that would kill her if she let it. But she wasn’t soft, she wasn’t weak. She knew how to survive. After all, who had lived the longest last time? Not Parr, the “survivor”. It was her.
«☆»
As it turns out, old habits die hard, and Anna was back to keeping all of her emotions inside. That’s how she had started her new life, and Kat had been the one to break her down and be willing to talk to others. But that was all over. Who would tear down her walls this time? No one. She could keep them up and block out the whole wide world if she truly wanted to.
But she didn’t. She wanted to talk to someone, to let everything pour out of her, to express how angry she was, to just let it out. But she couldn’t. She was stuck behind walls she had built and now had no way of tearing them down.
So, Anna did something that surprised even herself. She started seeing a therapist. She didn’t really know what had prompted her to seek out a therapist, but she did. The sessions were slow-going at first, but very slowly, over a couple of months, Anna began to open up again.
«☆»
One day, Abigail, her therapist, asked if she had read the letter that Kat had left her. Anna sunk into her chair and looked at the ground, ashamed.
“No. I haven’t.”
“Why not?” Anna scoffed at the question. She could feel the resentment that she always felt when Kat’s death was brought up bubbling.
“Why not? Oh, I don’t know, maybe something to do with the fact that that letter is the last thing that best friend left me and if I open it-” Anna cut herself off before she started yelling to a level that might be deemed ‘unacceptable’. She sat in silence for a minute or two before Abigail prompted her, “If you open it what? What will happen if you open and read her letter?”
Anna took a deep breath before responding, “If I open it,” her voice broke “Then it’ll all be real. She’ll never come back, not ever. It will really, truly, absolutely, be the last thing that she ever gave me. There will never be something else and I don’t want to make that a reality.”
“But you know she’s not coming back. You know it. Your family knows it. She knew it before she jumped. She loved you enough to leave you a letter. Katherine clearly wanted you to read it, or else she wouldn’t have left you a letter.”
Anna nodded, mulling over Abigail’s words. “Our time is up, but I want you to try and read the letter before our next meeting. I think it will be good for you.”
“I’ll try,” was all that Anna said because she really couldn’t promise much more than that.
«☆»
“How was your walk?” Catherine asked when Anna opened the door. Anna hadn’t told the others that she was in therapy. She felt that it was something to be ashamed of, even though she knew it wasn’t.
“It was good. Quite refreshing.” Aragon hummed in response and continued reading a book that Anna couldn’t completely see. She walked up to her room and shut the door. She walked over to her dresser and opened an ornate music box that she had taken from Katherine’s room. In it lay the letter. Written in pretty script was her name:
Anna
Next to it was a line, like she had started to add something, but then stopped. Or maybe she had simply slipped. Anna picked up the letter and upon close inspection, she could see that the top over the line was curved, almost like half of a heart. Anna threw the letter back into the box and shut the lid.
Nope. No way. She could not do this. She was never going to do it. As long as that letter stayed sealed, nothing was real. Anna was just dreaming. A long, horrible, drawn-out dream.
She wasn’t dreaming. She knew it in her heart, but for this minute, she needed to believe it. She was dreaming. She. was. dreaming. She was. dre-
A crash sounded from the kitchen. Anna was no longer dreaming.
«☆»
Anna went downstairs only to discover a very tired Cathy staring at a pan surrounded by surprisingly burnt cookies on the floor. She had knocked it off the counter apparently but seemed to be in some form of shock. Or maybe she was just really tired and the loud noise of the pan hitting the floor had been a bit much for her. Anna took Cathy by the hand and guided up to her room. Anna laid her on her bed and laid next to her. Both of them fell asleep in a matter of minutes, exhaustion pulling them down.
Several hours later, both Cathy and Anna were awoken to someone knocking on the door. It was Jane saying dinner was ready.
Dinner that evening had been quiet, but also a little strange. Anne and Catherine were sitting together, which was something that they tended to avoid. From time to time, Jane would try to strike up a conversation that always sputtered out quite quickly.
The meal was nearly finished when Cathy asked, “Who left a pan of burnt cookies on the counter today?” Anne blushed darkly, revealing herself as the culprit.
“I was going to put throw them away, but then I got distracted. I heard a crash earlier, was that you?”
“I may or may not have accidentally knocked them off the counter. In my defense, I hadn’t slept for several days, so…was it really my fault?” Everyone laughed lightly and went back to eating in silence. When everything had been cleaned up, Anna dragged Cathy back to bed, forcing her to go back to sleep.
They woke up the next day after having what may have been the best sleep either of them had had for a long time.
«☆»
Anna knew she had to try and read the letter again, but she really wasn’t looking forward to it. What if Katherine had written that it was Anna’s fault. Abigail and Anna had confirmed that it was not her fault, but what if Katherine stated otherwise? What if it really was her fault and everything she had said to herself over the past few months had been a lie.
No, today was not the day to open the letter. But then again, would there ever be a right time to read it?
Anna’s next session with Abigail came and went. Abigail hadn’t been too pleased that Anna hadn’t read the letter, but said that these things can take time and she had to try again before next week. Anna promised she would try.
She went home and went to the music box that held the letter. She left the lid open while she sat on the bed and thought about retrieving the letter. She stood up and walked over the box. Anna stared hard at the letter, contemplating. She picked it up and stared at her name and the little line that accompanied it.
Anna
She slid her finger underneath the seal, popped open the flap of the envelope, and was just about to take it out when she heard a tentative knock on her door.
Cathy opened the door slightly and, after seeing Anna was there, opened the door a bit wider.
“May I come in?”
“Of course, darling.” Cathy walked in and sat on the foot of Anna’s bed.
“I’m sorry to disturb you, but I have a strange question.” Cathy paused and took a deep breath, “Last week, you and I slept together, and it was the first time I had slept soundly and peacefully in days. I haven’t slept well since then, and I was just wondering if, only for tonight, really, if I could maybe sleep with you again?” Anna, confused, stared at her. “Of course, you totally don’t have to. You know what, this was stupid of me, I’ll just leave. Have a lovely afternoon, Anna, I will see you at dinner,” Cathy rambled on, halfway out the door before Anna grabbed her hand.
Cathy stopped talking. “I haven’t slept that well either, Cath. I’d really enjoy it if you’d spend the night. Well, actually, I’d enjoy it if you’d stay every night, but I know that your writing keeps you up most nights…”
Cathy breathed a sigh of relief. “You mean it? Because I’m going to hold you to that.” Anna confirmed that she did mean it and with that, Cathy left, promising to be back after dinner.
«☆»
With Cathy gone, Anna turned back to her dresser and picked up the letter. Her heart pounded loudly and her blood rushed in her ears. She took the letter out and unfolded it.
My dear,
How sad I am to leave you with only this letter. If I could do something more, I would. However, I am not sure what else I would leave you, so all I can give you is this letter.
I hope you know that I am sorry to leave you like this. It seems that you will outlive me, once again. This time, however, it won’t be on his terms. It’s on mine. I made this decision with a heavy heart full of sorrow and love. Love for all of you.
Don’t tell the others, but I love you the most. It seems strange to admit that, but it’s true. I’ve known you for the longest and it hurts me to leave you the most. I hate to leave the others, yes, but I hate to leave you more.
You got left alone last time, which wasn’t fair, but that wasn’t up to me. This time you aren’t alone. You have Catherine, and Anne, and Jane, and Cathy, which is so much more than last time. Take comfort in that and in them. Confide in them, because they will listen. All of the, even Anne.
You provided the most comfort to me whenever I needed it. I liked the way you helped me escape, with soft words and gentle motions that no matter how hard anyone tried, they could never recreate.
I’ll miss those.
I’m sorry for leaving you. It wasn’t your fault. There was nothing you could do. I love you more than you could possibly imagine.
With love and regret,
Katherine Howard
«☆»
Anna had silent tears streaking down her face. It wasn’t her fault. Katherine had loved her.
Thank God.
«☆»
That night, Cathy walked into Anna’s room and they got in bed. It became routine for them to sleep together, providing Cathy with a consistent sleep schedule. There would be nights when one of them would have a nightmare and be jerked awake, but when they did, the other was always there for them.
One night, when thunder and rain was keeping the both of them wake, Cathy whispered, “After her death, it wasn’t just my writing that kept me awake. It was my mind. Overthinking. I think…” Cathy trailed off.
“You think what?” Anna prompted.
“I think I knew that something bad was going to happen.”