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If you would’ve told Tony Stark that he was going to be pen pals with a eleven year old in Rose Hill, Tennessee, he’d probably roll his eyes and say that you were insane. But there he was, staring at tiny chicken scratch on a piece of loose leaf paper stained with blue Gatorade.
Hi, Tony.
It’s Harley Keener. You know, the kid that saved your ass. Don’t tell Mama that I said ass. She’d probably whoop my ass to the moon. And I said it again. This is your fault. You’re a bad influence.
Abby was happy to get her watch back. She threw a big hissy fit about how I lost it and it was my fault (you know, the way little sisters blame everything on you) but then when I gave it back she gave me a big hug so you can tell that she really appreciated it.
Also, I have to thank you for everything. For all that awesome stuff you left in my garage. That was a little hard to explain to Mama. I told her I won a sweepstake. She’s pretty gullible so she believed it. She once read on Facebook that M&Ms cause colon failure so she made us stop eating M&Ms. It stunk. I love M&Ms.
I still can’t believe everything you got me. It’s absolute bonkers the equipment you gave me. I mean, I don’t even know how to use some of this stuff it’s so high tech. I’m really excited to try it out, but I’d really appreciate it if you showed me the ropes. Doesn’t have to be in person but one of those helpful tutorial videos would be cool. I know you’re busy though, so you don’t gotta.
BTW. Why did you get me a car? I can’t drive. I’m eleven.
Anyways, I’m just writing to say thank you and also because Mama said I should send a letter to the sweepstakes people and ask if there’s a tax thing. I don’t know how taxes work. Is she getting taxed for this?
Anyways, write back whenever you can.
-Harley Keener
.-~*~-.
Harley Keener entered his garage after school with a bowl of homemade Cheez-Its that his mama made with locally grown cheese because “she read that Cheez-Its cause lung cancer on Facebook.” On the desk was an envelope, his name and address written in neat, blocky all caps.
Hey, Harley.
In this envelope is a flash drive with full video tutorials for all the equipment made by yours truly. I did make it at four AM, so I may be a little sleep deprived and lackadaisical. However, I tried my best to make it an interesting tutorial. I better not see this posted on YouTube edited into an embarrassing music video remix.
Also, I gave you the car because you’re not gonna be eleven forever. One day you’re gonna drive and you better be doing it with style.
Tell your mom she’s not getting taxed on anything. This is an academic sweepstake. If she asks what that means, say that you did it based on “merit.” That’s the money word when it comes to this kind of stuff.
I now have access to your school records, so if I see your grades are dropping due to too much distraction in this new decked out lab, I will take it back.
That’s a lie. No I won’t. But you still need to keep up your grades. You’re a smart kid, and I’m sure you can use this equipment to help you.
Don’t know how to end this so, uh, stay hydrated, get good sleep, stay in school, don’t do drugs.
-The Mechanic
P.S. If you want to get in contact with me, my personal email is [email protected] not [email protected] . That’s my business one and I don’t check it often. Please don’t go around sharing my personal email or I’ll have to change it.