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“She won’t talk about it, you know.”
The suddenness of the footsteps and his voice startles Elsa and she whirls around from where she’s seated on a rock overlooking the fjord.
“You scared me.” Her eyes are wide and she places a hand over her heart for emphasis.
“And you scared us. Consider it payback.”
“I’m sorry. I know it was stupid, but I…I had to.”
“You didn’t, you know.”
“I did.” She’s sure of herself in a way she usually isn’t, and it makes Kristoff realize how strongly she holds that conviction. She may have just died, or so he thinks, but she sure doesn’t seem like she regrets it. “I had to find the truth.”
Kristoff nods, unsure of whether or not he agrees with Elsa’s sentiment, but there’s no arguing with her when she’s being this stubborn. She gets like that sometimes, especially when it comes to putting herself in danger.
Suddenly Kristoff’s words which had startled her make their way back into her thoughts now that she shock has worn off. “Wait, she won’t talk about what?” She would gladly jump down to the depths of Ahtohallan and freeze again if it would mean that Anna was alright.
“You dying.” He fixes her with a firm, knowing stare. “You did, right? That’s why Olaf, um, disintegrated?” He makes a fluttering motion with one hand.
“I suppose so.” She cups one hand in the other’s palm tenderly. “Anna….I tried to apologize, tried to talk to her about it, but she just changed the subject.” She winces, brows drawn. “I never mean to hurt her, but it seems I keep doing just that.”
Kristoff just hums. She’s right- while her intentions are good, Elsa has a knack for pulling the rug out from under Anna’s feet. Not that she herself has always had a rug to stand on, either.
There’s really nothing more to say. He doesn’t want to push it, doesn’t want to make her feel guilty for something she clearly felt she had to do. The girls will broach the topic eventually. Hopefully. But there’s still something on his mind…
“What was it like?”
“What?” Elsa once again glances at him with surprise written across her face. The light of the day and the blue waters of the fjord reflect dazzlingly against the colors of her skin and eyes. Kristoff wonders how none of them ever realized that Elsa was a spirit all along.
“Y’know, um. Dying. Was it…did it hurt? Did you know you were dead?” He wants to beat himself over the head with his boot. Could he be any more tactless?
“Everything hurt,” Elsa says after a measured pause, thinking. Her voice is low with the memories and grief.
“The cold hurt. I couldn’t feel my hands. I couldn’t walk, I was trembling and I…” her breath hitches, and she looks down at her hands. “I knew this was it. I went too far. I would…I would never see Anna again, wouldn’t get to be with her.”
Kristoff feels goosebumps rising on his arms at the thought of knowing he was living his last few moments on Earth. To know he would never hold Anna again, see her wide grin or hear her infectious laugh…
He’s startled back to reality as Elsa continues to answer his questions. “I always thought of death as something like, maybe nothingness?” She tries to explain, and chokes back a strained laugh. “That used to be something I would dream about.” Kristoff’s heart clenches at her blasé mention of her past life. “But it wasn’t really nothingness, not really. More like…like I was simply on the edge of consciousness. Waiting. For…something.”
She sighs. “I suppose in a way it was Anna saving me that I was waiting for.” She huffs a breath out through her nose. “It seems like I’m always just waiting for her to save me – trying to live my life but I can’t seem to do it without her help.”
“Well she can’t seem to live hers without you either,” Kristoff adds, and Elsa looks up at him in surprise once more. “Even after she succeeded in destroying the dam, restoring the sky to the Northuldra….Elsa, it all meant nothing to her without you there.” He takes her hand and she lets him. It’s small and cold and he wonders if her frozen hand had felt just like Anna’s must have three years ago.
Elsa swallows thickly. “I keep hurting her.”
“She’s just glad to have you back.”
“We need to talk.”
“You do,” Kristoff agrees. “You both went through a lot. And you’re both the only ones who can really help each other. You’ve been through similar circumstances and I think it would help you both to not bottle it up so much.”
Elsa doesn’t respond, just gazes out towards the shimmering waters of the fjord toward the land of Northuldra. She closes her eyes and breathes in, and Kristoff jumps when suddenly a horse of water materializes from the gentle waves.
“So, Friday?” Elsa asks eagerly, leaping onto the Nokk. “After game night?”
“Before game night,” Kristoff answers. “And you better practice your charade skills with Honeymaren and Ryder or else Anna’s gonna be pissed at you for more than one reason!”
Elsa grins, shaking her head and rolling her eyes, and waves to him from behind as she rides out into the water.