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Natsu rolled onto his back and pushed the covers back, careful not to disturb the snoring Exceed beside him, and sighed as he stared up at the stars above them. The sky was only just darkening enough for him to see them, and the warmth of the summer sun lingered in the air and ground, making the bedroll unnecessary, although Happy had made himself a nest like usual. However, it wasn’t the warmth, barely a droplet against the inferno that now simmered beneath his skin, or even the brightness that was keeping him awake, even though he was exhausted after training all day. No, it was their trip into the local town to top up their supplies after Happy had admitted that even he was tired of eating fish, and whatever else they could catch or find in the wild, that had his thoughts running in circles.
It had been a while since they’d been around so many other people, and Natsu had found himself a little uncomfortable. Not so much at the noise, or even the abundant smells that teased his nose. Although it was a little overwhelming after becoming used to the scents of the woods and mountain. No, it was the chatter and laughter, families and friends flowing around him and Happy that gave him pause, reminding him of the guild, and even with the Exceed at his side, and Igneel’s flame growing beneath his skin, he was lonely. Lonely and homesick, but he knew that he wasn’t ready to go back yet. He wasn’t strong enough to keep his promise yet but knowing that didn’t ease the feeling in the slightest.
They’d managed to get what they needed, making Natsu realise they would need to find a job of some sort soon as their jewels were running very low, and were making their way back through the main square when Happy had drawn his attention to the banners and flags being strung up along the edges of the houses and shops, crisscrossing across the square. Elsewhere, temporary stalls were being erected, reminding him of the winter festival in Magnolia, and propelled by fond memories and the thought that a celebration might be a fun break from training they’d asked around to find out what was happening, the answer – from an older lady who’d also pressed a sweet into their hand – had quenched any interest Natsu had in attending, and instead leaving him feeling as though he had been punched in the gut.
Midsummer.
Natsu groaned and sat up, realising that he wasn’t going to get to sleep anytime soon. He tucked the covers around Happy, not for the first time wondering how the cat didn’t overheat before moving across to the dying embers of their campfire. He stirred a finger through the ashes, chasing the sparks for a moment, but making no effort to coax the flames back to life as there was no need for them right now. Still, he found himself settling beside it more from habit than anything else, staring moodily at it. Midsummer. It was a stark reminder of how long he had been gone, and he sighed, lifting his head to the stars and wondering if somewhere Gray was looking at them too. I told you that I wasn’t going to come running home, he thought, but it wasn’t as triumphant as he’d intended. Instead, as he remembered how his mate had pleaded with him to stay and argued that there was no way he would be able to stay away from him or home that long, he just felt tired and empty. And lonely, his arms creeping up around himself in a self-hug as he tried to imagine cold arms wrapping around him instead, feeling the Ice Mage’s absence more keenly than ever and knowing that it was just because of that blasted word.
“Why today?”
“Well, your name means ‘summer’, right? So it makes sense for your birthday to be in the middle of summer,” Gray pointed out impatiently, talking slowly as though Natsu was too much of an idiot to understand him otherwise, and the Dragon-slayer bristled, hands clenching into fists at his side, until the other boy took the wind out of his sails with his next words. “I still can’t believe you don’t know your own birthday.”
“Dragons don’t do birthdays,” Natsu muttered, looking down. Since joining the guild,, he had been forced to realise that Igneel really hadn’t known anything – from realising that his father had barely taught him how to read and write, although he still maintained that he knew the most important words, to this more recent discovery about birthdays. Something that had the entire guild torn between shock and something bordering on pity, as though he had lost out on something important, although he didn’t see what was so important about knowing what day you were born on. Even if a small part of him was thrilled that Gray cared enough to give him a ‘birthday’ even if it did seem a bit silly.
“But you knew what Christmas was?!” Cana asked with a frown, butting into the conversation as she often did when she sensed that they were ready to start exchanging blows… so most of their conversations, he realised as he turned to look at her. At least she seemed genuinely curious, unlike Gray who even while apparently trying to be kind and give him a birthday, seemed determined to turn it into a fight, or maybe that was him… he lost track sometimes.
“Only because Igneel took me to a town to get some clothes and I saw the decorations and asked about them.” There was no way he was going to tell them that the clothes had been taken off someone’s washing line and that he had glimpsed the tree through the window as he’d left the gem that Igneel had given him from their mountain to leave on the doorstep in exchange. “I never saw a birthday being celebrated, and Igneel never talked about them,” he shrugged, not sure what to make of the whispers around them. Igneel might not have told him everything he needed to know, but this was one thing he couldn’t see being that important.
Apparently, the others disagreed as Gray pulled them away into a huddle, whispering fiercely amongst themselves, and Natsu wondered if he should remind them that he could hear every word they were saying. Deciding against it, as they all seemed excited about it as they talked about cake and balloons, and something that sounded like ‘pin a tail on a donkey’ that he was sure he must have misheard, because why on Earthland would you do that? A couple of minutes later they broke apart, and from the warning look Erza shot at him as Gray stepped forward to face him, he knew better than to tell them he had heard what they were saying as the Ice Mage pointed a finger at him.
“Oi Flamebrain, we’re going to have a party on midsummer and show you exactly what a birthday is supposed to be like…”
They had as well, Natsu thought, unable to stop himself from smiling at the memory. He might not have thoroughly grasped the idea of a ‘birthday’, but he knew what parties were like, and by the time it had come around he was just as excited as the others, and the entire guild had gone all out to make his ‘first birthday’ – it was only when he was a lot older and had seen Romeo be born and grow up that he had realised why some of them had chuckled at calling it that. Any expectations he might have had about what was going to happen had been blown out of the window. He’d already realised by that point that Fairy Tail didn’t do anything by halves, and there had been a couple of birthday parties before his, but the guild had looked as though a carnival had come to town.
“This is amazing!” He wasn’t sure how many times he’d said it by now, but it didn’t make it any less true as he gazed around wide-eyed. There were balloons, and banners, the entire guild an explosion of colour and he didn’t know where to look. There was food, and cake – a huge cake – that no one else had been able to eat until he’d had some, and even Erza had insisted on that, even though he’d caught her staring at it. “Thank you,” he whispered, suddenly overwhelmed by the fact that all this was for him, finally beginning to grasp that this ‘birthday’ thing was a lot more important than he’d thought.
“You should thank Gray, he did most of it,” Erza told him with a smile, looking up from what he had a feeling was her third slice of cake. Although that was less interesting than what she’d just said, and he knew that he was gaping as he turned around to search for the Ice Mage, finding the other boy already down to his boxers and in the middle of icing a banner back onto the wall after it had become dislodged.
“Gray did…?”
That had probably been the first time they’d had a completely civil conversation as the Dragon-slayer had gone to thank him for this strange, but wonderful gift. Only to be floored, by the Ice Mage turning pink and handing him a messily wrapped gift. Inside had been a beautifully carved wooden dragon that had been carefully painted red. Natsu still had the figure, along with every other gift that Gray had given him over the years, and he sighed now as he lifted his hand, flames forming over his palm and taking the form of a dragon curling up to sleep. He stared at it for a long moment before closing his hands and snuffing out the flames.
There would be no gift this year, no party, and more importantly, no Gray. And for all his attempts at smugness moments before, he had never so strongly wanted to head home as he did at that moment. He could even make it back to Magnolia in time for the Solstice if he braved travelling by train, and he knew that Happy would watch over him if he did. That was if Gray was even in Magnolia, he might be out on a job or travelling, and… Natsu’s shoulders slumped, defeat washing over him as he glanced down at his arm, rubbing at the mark that was starting to form on the skin. He couldn’t go back. Not yet at least, and not for a reason like that. He knew that and accepted it, but it didn’t stop his eyes from stinging as he stared at the dying campfire and felt the loneliness curl closer than ever.
I miss him…
****
Natsu hadn’t told Happy what was bothering him, but the Exceed had evidently connected the dots for himself because he didn’t mention going to the festival once, nor did he question the fact that Natsu clearly hadn’t slept that night. Or that he didn’t manage to sleep much for the following nights in the run-up to the Solstice. He caught Happy watching him more than once and tried to reassure him with a grin and by throwing himself into his training, but he knew his efforts fell flat even before Happy’s ears drooped and he glanced away.
It was though now that he had admitted to himself just how much he missed Gray, he couldn’t stop thinking about the Ice Mage. He missed training with him, their efforts inevitably turning into bickering and competition until Erza cracked them over the head to make them focus again. He missed sitting next to him beside the campfire, neither of them needing the warmth, but drawn to each other’s warmth, as they laughed and chatted with the others. Night-time was the worst, missing the feel of Gray pressed against him, the soothing beat of his heart beneath his ear and the scent of his mate surrounding him like a warm blanket.
*
By the time midsummer arrived, bright and sunny in direct contrast to his mood, Natsu was exhausted and irritable and shifting ever closer to just admitting defeat and going home. However, it didn’t take him long to realise that the camp was different, blinking as he took in the flowers and leaves that had been strung up around their makeshift home in mimicry of bunting, and the fish that were already sizzling over the fire.
“Happy Birthday, Natsu!” Happy greeted him with a bright smile, and a messily wrapped present in his paws and Natsu couldn’t help but smile at him, his mood rising slightly as he took the present and settled beside the Exceed, wondering just when he had managed to get this. Under the Exceed’s watchful gaze, he unwrapped it, blinking as he pulled the silvery-blue paper aside to reveal a navy hoodie, and he was about to look up when a familiar scent hit his nose.
“Gray…” He gasped, glancing at Happy who smiled sadly and nodded, before looking back at the hoodie and lifting it up with trembling hands and pressing his nose into the soft material. Over the last few months, Gray’s scent had faded from his own clothes, but this hoodie smelt so strongly of the Ice Mage that he might as well have been stood there in front of him, and Natsu pulled it close, trying to bury himself in the scent. “How?” He asked voice muffled in the material.
“Gray gave it to me just before we left Magnolia,” Happy admitted, looking sad and proud at the same time as he watched the Natsu cuddling into the hoodie. “He didn’t want to miss your birthday, and he said, ‘the idiot is going to miss me’ and that this might help. He wrapped it, and stuck it in a stasis lacrima to keep the scent fresh and asked me to give it to you today, and…” He was cut off as Natsu, with the hoodie still clutched against his chest all but tackled him, yanking him into a tight hug, sniffling slightly as whispered.
“Thank you.”