Chapter Text
Tsukishima wasn't quite sure when it had all happened.
When he had fallen for someone like Yamaguchi Tadashi.
He wasn't notorious for gaining crushes easily, like others on the volleyball team tended to, nor was he one for romantic feelings in general. Every time Yamaguchi had sent girls looking for him his way with that apologetic gleam in his eye the blond ended up turning them down before they could so much as get their confession out.
It was too much effort for something he wasn't even slightly invested in. He had to study with Yamaguchi, or go out to eat with Yamaguchi at the diner before they split up on their daily commute home, or a thousand other things more valuable than courting some girl who would surely reject him once she realized how cruel he was.
Yamaguchi once mentioned that girls typically thought of his cold demeanor as endearing, something that would warm up to them and only them once they managed to crack his shell. Tsukishima was almost disgusted by the idea. No, he definitely was.
He wasn't going to act any differently for some girl just because she swooned over him now and then.
But that was the thing, he had never fallen for a girl, but guys were a whole other ballpark.
Yamaguchi was a whole other ballpark.
Tsukishima had just noticed it earlier that day, but he was sure it had been going on much longer than that. "It" being the fluttering feeling in his stomach when Yamaguchi called him by nickname, "it" being the pride that swelled in his chest when he managed to make the shorter boy giggle, "it" being the sudden smack to the face that was just how attractive the brunette was.
Yamaguchi hadn't done anything out of the ordinary, get somehow Kei was swept up in a whirlwind of emotions, and now he was falling, crashing, to earth with the realization that...
That he liked Yamaguchi. As more than a friend. More than a best friend.
Tsukishima finally pulled his head up from where he was staring blankly into the sink, meeting his gaze in the mirror. Then he found himself glaring.
It felt as natural as breathing to like Yamaguchi like that, but it planted a seed of doubt in his chest. This whole thing was entirely out of his comfort zone, after all. Romantic feelings.
Tanaka, Nishinoya, and hell, even the dumbass duo of Kageyama and Hinata had a better grasp on romance than Tsukishima did, and there was no way in hell he was going to go to any of them for help.
But he couldn't go to his best friend either, not unless he wanted to slip up and admit he wasn't feeling as platonic as he used to for the brunette.
Tsukishima groaned, reaching up to push his glasses up and grind the heel of his palm into his eye socket. 'Frustrated' was the only word for how he felt at that moment.
The blond let his hand fall back down to grasp at the edge of the sink, eyes darting down to stare at his bandaged fingers.
Maybe it would go away, and he wouldn't have to bother with those feelings anymore. He and Yamaguchi could continue as usual and he would never have to know that Kei had a blip of romantic pining.
Tsukishima's knuckles became white as he gripped at the sink just a bit tighter and he looked up once more.
He tried not to flinch as the mocking sound of Yamaguchi's voice tittered in his brain.
"Whatever you say, Tsukki."
Kei was having more difficulty than he imagined he would. Accepting the feelings was one step, but moving past them would be impossible if they only became more unbearable with each mishap.
It was only morning practice and Tsukishima felt as if he was plummeting.
The walk to school was bearable enough until Yamaguchi had grabbed for and tugged on his uniform sleeve once he had caught up to him, as he usually did. He was beaming that brilliant smile with ease and started talking about his troubles with the English homework without Kei ever having to say a word.
The littlest things caught Tsukishima's attention in mere moments. The smell of Yamaguchi's clothes, and the old and roughed up dinosaur keychain dangling from his backpack, even the little crinkles that formed around his eyes when the brunette let out a soft laugh.
It had been difficult to stay focused on what Yamaguchi was talking about, rather than how his freckles adorned his face.
Now... well it was much the same, really. Tsukishima's eyes continued trailing after the brunette, focused on him constantly, only now they were training for the upcoming practice match next week.
Yamaguchi was confident on the court, serving and blocking with ease, and even at one point spiking past Hinata. It wasn't hard to escape the ginger's blocks, but the look of triumph on Yamaguchi's face made Kei's heart stutter in his chest none the less.
"Did you see that Tsukki?" Yamaguchi cried out in earnest, spinning to face the dumbstruck giant.
Kei felt his throat grow dry and he had to cough before he spoke, glancing away. "I did," He muttered before hesitating. "Good job, Tadashi." He blurted out and almost instantly he felt his shoulders tense.
He hadn't called Yamaguchi by his first name since late elementary school, so he wasn't quite sure how the other would react. When he peeked over at the brunette, however, he was sure his heart had truly stopped this time around.
Yamaguchi's eyes were glittering like golden stars, his smile having fallen into an 'o' shape. Fuck, were his cheeks flushed? Tsukishima could feel his own heating up at the thought, but before he could change the subject himself a much more irritating voice spoke up.
"Yamaguchi! Can I start calling you Tadashi too? It's not fair that Stupidshima gets to and I can't!" Hinata whined, dragging out the brunette's last name for far too long. Tsukishima scowled and while Yamaguchi floundered for a response he took the time to slip away from the two.
Humming, the blond scooped up his water bottle off the bench and plopped down with a sigh. He uncapped the bottle, wiping his forehead off with the back of his hand before he took a swig.
"What's this I hear about you calling Yamaguchi by his given name?"
Tsukishima sputtered, choking down his water before taking the time to glare at the other who seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Sugawara didn't even flinch, his smile merely growing with a light chuckle.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Tsukishima eventually grunted, eyes falling shut as he took another swig of water.
"Mhm..." The silver-haired setter hummed, somehow sounding smug as he did so. "Well, if you ever do figure it out," Sugawara's hand clasped down upon Tsukishima's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze before it was swiftly removed once more. "I'm always here to help."
Tsukishima's eyes only cracked open again once he heard footsteps, peering after the older male for a split second before they traveled back to Yamaguchi.
Kei watched as the brunette's cheeks turned a boiling shade of red after Hinata cocked his head to the side, mouthing words that Tsukishima couldn't quite read. Yamaguchi kicked at Hinata's shin, bopping him on the head as the smaller boy complained, and it looked so much like an older brother scolding an elementary schooler that Tsukishima had to snort.
The sound took himself by surprise, and he coughed to cover it up despite the lack of proximity to any of the other Karasuno members. Kei quickly set down his water bottle and stood.
"If you're done buzzing like a little bug, short stuff, we really should get back to practice," He called out, hearing the subsequent outcry of frustration from Hinata as well as Yamaguchi's sigh of relief.
Just another hour of ignoring that warm ache in his chest and Tsukishima would be able to distract himself with school.
Just another hour.
What a miserable attempt at paying attention to his classes. Tsukishima should have expected this, really, with how the past few days had gone, yet here he was bitterly surprised by just how enraptured he was.
He was staring at Yamaguchi. Of course he was. When wasn't he anymore.
Its not like evening practices had gone much better, his distracted ease only landing him penalty laps when whichever side he teamed up with continued to lose. No matter if he was playing with or against Yamaguchi he was always staring and missing out on easy blocks. It was a miracle no one had pulled him aside yet.
He was still staring now in the middle of class. Just watching as Yamaguchi flipped the pages in his textbooks and wrote chicken scratch down on the scrap paper splayed across his untidy mess of a desk and... fuck...
Kei quickly turned his head and looked out the window when he noticed Yamaguchi's head tilting up to glance at the board. Sure, it wasn't likely that the brunette would see Kei's blatant staring as he sat a row in front of him just a few seats down, but he wasn't willing to take the chance.
Who knows what Tadashi would say if he realized Tsukishima hadn't so much as taken a single note in what felt like weeks.
God, wasn't that pathetic. Tsukishima scowled at his childish behavior, scrubbing his hand down the side of his face and turning his eyes downward to glare at his near-empty notebook.
He had given up trying to take notes when he had to begin scribbling out the random instances he'd write "handsome" or "heavenly" in relation to his wandering thoughts of Yamaguchi. That had been two days ago now, and he was struggling more than ever to keep a grasp on the material they were supposed to be learning.
Bitterly, Tsukishima noted that this hadn't been an issue until he had recognized his feelings for the other boy. Maybe he should have stayed ignorant after all.
The bell rang, interrupting the teacher, and before they could get a word out the students scrambled to grab their bento for lunch. Kei let his eyes fall shut, and after breathing out a small sigh he shut his notebook, tucking it away into his bookbag.
"Tsukki!"
The blond looked up instantly, feeling heat bloom from his chest and creep up his neck when he saw Yamaguchi eagerly waving him over with two bento in his hand.
"I packed an extra today, do you want it?" He asked, and Tsukishima slid out from his desk to walk over to the other male, gently plucking up the second bento as if it were breakable china.
"Ah, thanks," He murmured, and Yamaguchi let out a soft laugh. There were the crinkles around his eyes again, and how did he not notice that his nose scrunched up like that too? What was he even laughing for?
"C'mon, Tsukki! I found a new spot out in the courtyard where we can eat alone!" The brunette said, turning to leave.
"Alright," Tsukishima replied and followed Yamaguchi without question, the thoughts of his empty notebook pages left behind back in the classroom with the notebook itself.
He definitely should have stayed ignorant.
"Do you need to copy my notes, Tsukki?" Yamaguchi murmured as he tapped his wrist lightly. Tsukishima took pause in his stripping for evening practice and looked over at the smaller male. He quirked an eyebrow as if to ask "why" and Yamaguchi pulled back with a soft squeak. It was still loud enough to make Kei's heart skip a beat, however.
"I just mean, well, you seemed pretty distracted in class today is all, maybe even the past few days in general, and I never saw you taking notes and you never asked me if I missed anything like you usually do so I just thought-"
And there it was, Tsukishima's worst fear.
"Shut up, Yamaguchi," Tsukishima said without any force, shoving his head into his club locker to avoid showing how embarrassed he was. Had he been that obvious? He thought he was doing well at hiding how incompetent he was for the most part. "If you could lend me your notes after practice I'll copy them at the diner."
"Ah, okay, Tsukki!" The brunette said and without further question went back to undressing as well. At least the blond was lucky in that regard, in Tadashi being too kind to push him or ask why he was acting so weird.
Tsukishima realized he was still staring once he caught a glimpse of Yamaguchi's nimble fingers prodding at the buttons of his dress shirt, the taller male scrambling to bury his head back into his locker with a scowl.
Stupid, this was all fucking stupid and Kei knew it. He'd been around the other undressing plenty of times before, this shouldn't have been any different.
"Eh? Suckyshima, your face is a bit red! Are you under the weather? You can't be sick before a practice match!" Hinata cried out rather suddenly and Tsukishima shot him a withering glare. The redhead yelped, ducking behind Kageyama who looked confused before he noticed the blond and challenged him with a glare of his own.
"The idiot is right, if you're sick you should sit out," The raven-haired boy scoffed, and Kei could feel his eyebrow twitch.
"Sorry to disappoint, your majesty, I'm unfortunately as healthy as ever," The blond muttered, turning away and whipping off his shirt before he shoved it into his locker without bothering to fold it.
"Tsukki," Yamaguchi's gentle voice called to him and he felt another tap to his wrist from the other. "Are you sure you're alright?"
Tsukishima wanted to snap at the brunette, but once he turned around and his eyes landed on Yamaguchi he felt his throat seize up instantly. The smaller male's eyes were wider than normal, a concerned frown down turning his lips, and the tilt of his head made it near impossible for Kei to even muster up the anger to yell.
"I'm... I'm not sick, Tad- Yamaguchi," The blond choked out, catching himself before he called the other by his given name once more and seeing Yamaguchi's eyes widen just a fraction further. "Just... leave it alone, okay? I'll be fine."
He looked less concerned, at least, but he still looked dumbstruck. Tsukishima did his best to calmly begin redressing himself, blantantly turning away from Yamaguchi in order to do so. He could feel Kageyama and Hinata's eyes still boring into his skin, even when Yamaguchi slowly turned away from him in turn.
Maybe he should talk to someone.