Chapter Text
The atmosphere in the room was heavy, as if when you’d sucked in a breath you’d taken all the air with you and now there was none left to breathe at all. For days you had agonized over your discovery, lying awake at night with Vanitas while he held you, neither of you able to sleep. If he had noticed anything amiss about your behavior or sudden trouble sleeping, he didn’t say anything.
Then again, he usually didn’t say much of anything. He was still trying to get used to his freedom, to the fact that somebody even cared about him — actually, truly cared about him without any ulterior motives or goals. There were still times when you’d tell him you loved him, or show him affection and he’d look at you as though you were crazy or worse, with suspicion. It broke your heart every time and strengthened your resolve to be transparent in your affections.
So you hadn’t exactly expected him to be jumping for joy, or even react well. But his silence and suddenly blank expression had your heart constricting in a way that felt like, even though you’d just sucked in a breath, you were drowning. Ever since you’d uttered three little words.
“Vanitas, I’m pregnant.”
Your hands rested on your stomach and your lips parted, tears welling up in your eyes. You hadn’t expected him to be excited, but you hadn’t been prepared for how much his silence would hurt.
“Vanitas…”
His golden eyes snapped up to you, no longer blank, but instead sharp and full of emotion. He’d long since learned how to control the creation of his Unversed, but you knew that, had he not, the room would be filling with them. The thought almost made your tears fall, but you held them back. Instead you drew a deep breath to steady yourself.
“Say something.”
“Like what?” he demanded, voice an acerbic jab. You couldn’t help but wince. “You want me to say how happy I am? You want me to be excited? I can’t even—”
He cut himself off, clicking his tongue and looking away from you. His eyes narrowed and he clenched his fists, but that was all you could see before your vision blurred completely. The room fell silent again, except for the sound of your sniffling as you wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to keep from falling completely undone. Vanitas was rarely gentle, and you couldn’t exactly call him kind, but it had been a long time since you’d heard this kind of cruelty fall from his lips. What you really wanted was for him to wrap his arms around you, to tell you everything would be okay and you’d figure it out together, even though neither of you had any idea how to handle this.
As hard as you tried to keep them at bay, dark thoughts swirled through your mind.
He doesn’t want you, and he doesn’t want your child. He—
“What kind of father could a shadow like me even be?”
He didn’t look at you as he said the words, and they couldn’t even begin to describe what he left unsaid. You sucked in a breath, looking back up at him and taking in the expression on his face — a combination of bitterness, mockery, and self-hatred. Suddenly, you understood.
“Vanitas,” you said again, taking a step towards him.
Vanitas stiffened at your movement and, before you could stop him, turned and walked out the door. You stared after him with wide eyes, arms still outstretched to try to hold him. Your mind was blank, except for one thought, swirling and growing in intensity for every moment you were left alone.
He left us.
Your arms fell limply to your sides.
“Come back…” your voice was hardly more than a whisper and still it broke on the words. “Vanitas…”
Then all at once your sobs ripped from your throat, tears falling from your eyes in earnest, with no one there to help you dry them.