Archive of Our Own

Staying at Akutagawa's apartment for the first time scared the hell out of Atsushi. He's never stayed round someone else's dorm, let alone their house that they owned and bought with their own money. That meant all the furniture inside they'd bought too. That thought scared Atsushi, because he wouldn't know what he could touch and would feel so out of place that he'd feel cold and nervous, and without even experiencing it, he just knew it. Akutagawa had warned him they might encounters someone trying to stop him coming into his apartment, but considering the Port Mafia and the Agency were still working together, it couldn't be too much trouble. Plus, Akutagawa wasn't someone to mess with. He'd mentioned gin was out earlier, and Atsushi loved that Akutagawa felt safe enough to talk about his sister openly. It had been Akutagawa's offer, having stayed only in Atsushi's dorm and felt it only right to let him see his apartment. 

They'd only been dating for a few months, four to be exact, and didn't fully know each other's boundaries yet, but could read one another like an open book all at the same time. In a metaphor, that open book was in English that they could only just about understand, Akutagawa more so than Atsushi because Akutagawa had learnt English. 

Atsushi knew now that Akutagawa didn't eat much, and stopped trying to force him, whilst Akutagawa made sure his presence was announced before he scared Atsushi too badly. Both had their quiet days, both had nightmares, both couldn't make ramen for the life of them, and they were both good at Mario Kart, which as you can guess led to a couple broken controllers. They knew one another's routines down to a Tee. Akutagawa wouldn't wake up for breakfast or completely missed it due to an early mission, but Atsushi would and he'd eat without him whilst listening to the news, but there was already tea on the side or water in the kettle. Atsushi couldn't sleep unless he'd checked every door and window to his dorm, checked the cooker was off and made sure Kyouka was safe, now that she was staying with Yosano instead. It made sense for the girls to be together. 

Akutagawa had to count, religiously, how many left or right turns he'd made in the day, and then right before bed, where he was, he'd unwind himself, righting himself. Atsushi found that quite cute, and certainly didn't mind helping him keep track on days out and missions, also with the occasional text with a random number for him to remember and repeat back to him. 

They were one hell of a couple. 

Akutagawa came to stay round Atsushi's ever other night, unless a mission got in the way. At first, none of the Agency had been comfortable with it, until a joint mission showed just how much the dog of the Mafia cared about Atsushi. In simpler words, Akutagawa had shielded the wounded Atsushi from an explosion, and if it weren't for the work of Yosano, would've been six feet under. 

For the past week, Akutagawa had been up north for a mission, and so today had been the perfect day to show him his apartment. He brings Atsushi back into the present with a little shoulder nudge to say without words that they were in the apartment building. So far, so good, Atsushi hadn't been tackled. It felt like Atsushi was infiltrating something, despite the fact he's holding hand with the one living here. It also felt weird not carrying a bag, but Akutagawa had mumbled with a bright red flush that he could wear his clothes in the morning. 

It was clear that the Port Mafia were in some serious money. The whole building was glass and marble, massive chandeliers that threw the artificial lights into many directions. Akutagawa fished out a key-card from his inside pocket and held it against the elevator door. it made a series of beeps before opening the doors, and Akutagawa led him inside. Even the elevator was fancy, bright white lights and gold laced buttons and mirrors. He felt like a peasant in the Kings palace of some shirt like that. Neither had really spoken on the journey here, and Atsushi's mouth felt too dry to even attempt. 

"Are you cold?" Akutagawa mumbles quietly, behind the hand he'd just coughed into. 

"No? How comes you think that?" Atsushi's reply is equally as quiet. 

"You're shaking." Akutagawa notes, and Atsushi looks down at his free hand, which is, in fact, trembling. 

"I'm just nervous." 

"You'll be fine, I'm here." 

'I'm here', is something Akutagawa had learnt to say a lot to calm Atsushi down, and it made Atsushi's heart flip. 

Akutagawa lives at the top, with a large balcony and floor to ceiling windows. Everything in this apartment, apart from the sofas that were leather white and so clean they gleamed, was shiny black. The table was glass with an engraving underneath that Atsushi couldn't see from the doorway, but was already intrigued. The chandelier was glass again, and sparkled too. But with the way there was fruit other than pomegranates and figs, it was clear Gin lived here too. Akutagawa shows him where to put his coat, and in following him to the kitchen, his arm brushes against something soft, and he turns slightly. 

A throw blanket is folded over the back of the sofa, stars covering it. It's really, really, soft, and his heart pounds with the idea that Akutagawa had fallen asleep under it, with the soft evening rays of sun over his face, buried in a book and totally unaware of the world around him. He then flinches, and yelps as something rubs against his legs. 

"Don't worry, that's just Nexus." Akutagawa says from the kitchen, making Atsushi glance down to find a rag-doll cat with the most beautiful grey fur and bright blue eyes. With grace, it looks up at Atsushi and he can't help but bend down and pick it up with a soft 'hello'. The head goes straight for his chin, tucking itself under Atsushi's head much like how Atsushi would in his tiger form. 

"She's a she, by the way." 

"She's beautiful. I've always wanted a cat but Kyouka's allergic." Atsushi whispers, smiling as she purrs loudly into his ears as he carried her into Akutagawa's open kitchen. Akutagawa turns round and smiles lightly to himself as Atsushi starts to tell Nexus just how beautiful she is, earning soft meows in reply. He places the two mugs of different tea down before reaching over to scratch Nexus on the head, who learns her head back into his whilst purrs increase. Atsushi doesn't mine the claws on his shoulder whatsoever, just watching the cat push her head into Akutagawa's hands and falling madly in love with both. 

"She likes you." Akutagawa says, motioning to put her on the kitchen counter, whilst reaching above the cooker for what Atsushi guesses is cat treats. From her spot, Nexus meows louder than before, so that confirms his guess. After feeding her a few treats, they take their mugs to the sofa, Nexus following to jump into Atsushi's lap, but mostly across both of them as they sit next to one another. It's quite awkward, Akutagawa's coughs being the only noise filing the room for a while, but for some reason both find it comforting. They'd yelled enough, talked enough before now to know how silence can be the best thing in the world. He reaches for a remote, and suddenly the radio turns on, soft and quite music filtering in. Atsushi hums along to a couple. With hands wrapped around the mug, Atsushi shuffles so his head can rest on Akutagawa's shoulder, and feels a weight rest on his head. Nexus seems to notice the tired aura, and yawns widely, making Atsushi chuckle a little, and gently pat her head. 

"There's a firework display tonight, down at the beach..." Akutagawa says quietly, and Atsushi hums lightly, hoping this conversation goes where he wants to. He loves fireworks, despite having only seen them once or twice. Well, in saying that, he would almost rather stay here and rest, cuddle with Akutagawa and Nexus. 

"Would you... like to go see it?" 

Atsushi nods with a bright smile, and shuffled his body just a little closer. After a little while longer, they get up and start to get ready to go out, tying up their shoes and donning their coats. Akutagawa grabs a jumper thankfully before they go, and chucks Atsushi one too. With intertwined hands, they walk to the coast, gently chatting and taking in the nightlife around them, all the bright lights But still, Atsushi was tired. He hadn't got much sleep last night, both due to worrying about going to Akutagawa's apartment and a nightmare combined. Nightmares nowadays included Akutagawa getting hurt beyond belief, and Yosano was too far away. As of recently, his nightmares had gotten a lot worse, and longer, which resulted in longer periods of time spent shaking and calming himself down. Alone, as Akutagawa wasn't there. 

They spend five minutes just standing in front of the pet shop watching the little kittens fighting one another, and Atsushi soon learns that they're Akutagawa's favourite animal. 

"So, despite your nickname, you don't like dogs?" Atsushi asks. 

"No, dogs attack. A childhood on the streets tells you that." 

"Oh, right. Sorry." 

"Don't worry about it." Akutagawa says whilst nudging him lightly, but still hard enough to make him stumble and grab onto Akutagawa's arm for support. 

"I still can't believe you had a cat and never told me once." Atsushi says as he walks along the wall that separates the path to the beach, Akutagawa holding his hand as he walks above him. 

"It was a nice surprise, was it not?" Akutagawa retorts and Atsushi giggles. He jumps down and lets Akutagawa pulls him into his side. The glance they share makes them huff a laugh, and Akutagawa holds his hand tighter. 

They stop about an hour before the fireworks in a rooftop café, one that stayed open quite late and one that Akutagawa knew very well. It was full of plants and little retro things, a wall lined with books too. They sat by the windows, sipping on hot chocolates each whilst waiting for half nine to come around. Atsushi had eaten dinner before Akutagawa came to pick him up, and he hopes Akutagawa had eaten too, but either way, with their hot chocolates, comes two cupcakes that he grins over. They talk about books and recent reads, poems they'd come across that one another would like, and Atsushi spends a couple minutes showing Akutagawa videos of cats he'd liked, earning himself  quite a few smirks and laughs. It'd been a week, so Atsushi told him what he could remember about his week at work. 

Akutagawa loves sitting opposite Atsushi just as much as he loves sitting beside him. It meant he could watch his expression whilst he talked, how his eyes grew wide when he remembered something, and when they glittered when he talked about Kyouka and what they'd done in the week. 

It still ends up being half an hour when they reach the beach, a little chill making Atsushi shiver but he doesn't show it, he doesn't know whether it was fully Akutagawa's idea or not. He didn't want to disappoint him by making them go back, but he was cold and tired. There weren't many people yet, but the croaws were coming. 

"Atsushi, we don't have to stay y'know." 

"But you wanted to see it, you suggested it." Atsushi whispers in reply, and Akutagawa sighs, making the younger look over at him. It's at this stage that Akutagawa noticed the little tremors of cold going through his body, and how his nose was turning a bright red. 

"I suggested it because I didn't know if you'd seen them before. You're tired, I can see it. We can go back and cuddle. I bet we can see it from my living room anyways." Akutagawa says and Atsushi sniffles lightly. Akutagawa leans down to kiss his forehead, the younger boys eyes fluttering shut. 

"Come on Jinko, I bet Nexus missed you already." 

They get home just as half nine hits, and dumps their coats down so they can get onto Akutagawa's balcony, not letting Nexus follow as there was nothing stopping her from jumping and falling. Instead of coats, Akutagawa grabs the soft blanket on the way, and just as they finish curling up under it, the fireworks begin. They both flinch at the first, but watch with childish amusement as the explosions fill the sky with colours, sparking off in all directions. Akutagawa glances over, and finds Atsushi's eyes wide and glittering, like he's staring at some new, fantastical thing. But then again, Akutagawa guesses it could before him. today, he sits with Atsushi, staring in his own wonder at the light show. They don't talk, but they probably couldn't hear each other even if they did, instead just sharing little glances in between the fireworks that say all they need to. It's Akutagawa's turn to rest his head on the other's shoulder, and under the blanket, their hands intertwine to grasp each other tightly. 

And suddenly, it feels like this could be the end of the world. This is how it should end, hand in hand, resting against one another as the world burns around them, with nothing they could do to stop it. It's romantic, it's sad, but Akutagawa knows he'll have to wait quite a few years 'till the end of his life, and hopefully, he'll spend all of them with Atsushi.

As the fireworks begin to die down, Atsushi suggests going back inside, and Akutagawa couldn't agree more, as the chill had finally started to get through to him. Nexus meows loudly as they return, weaving in between their feet, and Akutagawa bends down to pick her up, letting her playfully nip at his jaw as he walks her to the kitchen. She'd been a present from Gin, who'd found her brother quite upset after having to leave a kitten in a mission, and wasn't able to go back at any point to save it. Instead, she went around until she found another poor stray, with matted fur and nothing but skin and bones. Together, they'd won the battle of bathing her, and got her all big and strong like she is now. 

"My bedroom's down the hall to the left if you want different clothes. Just take whatever fits." Akutagawa says as he feeds Nexus, and Atsushi smiles brightly, before skipping off. 

Atsushi didn't know what he was expecting when he pushes open the door to Akutagawa's bedroom, still whispering a 'sorry for the intrusion' despite knowing nobodies in there. Again, everything's black, but the walls are a beige colour to slightly differentiate. As it's on the same wall as the living room, the windows are floor to ceiling again, and Atsushi finds himself entranced with the room. If he couldn't sleep, Akutagawa could just sink into the beanbag in the corner and watch the whole world go by beneath him. 

After searching for a couple minutes, Atsushi finds a pair of joggers and a big jumper that he would never of expecting Akutagawa to own, but places it on the end of the bed anyway. He starts with his braces and the belt. 

As he gets to his shirt and trousers, he squeaks as arms slip round his waist, but sigh in heavy relief after finding it's only Akutagawa burying his face in his shoulder. 

"I have snacks." He mumbles, and Atsushi smiles. 

"Can I ask you a question Aku?" 

"Ryuunosuke, but sure." Akutagawa corrects him. 

"Your name is too long." He whines, and Akutagawa flushed up before mumbling something again. 

"Ryuu." 

"You want me to-" 

"Just ask your damn question, you menace." 

"Can... Can we take a bath together?" 

If it weren't for the implications, taking a bath together would seem cute and romantic. It wasn't. What Atsushi meant by that, was really, can we show each other our scars and start to show each other depths of who we are. Atsushi had never been forward like that before, but neither had Akutagawa. His mind blanks and the only thing he can think of is that his bath is big enough to house them. 

"We don't have to, of course, I don't know why I-"

"We can, if you're sure. Go and grab the snacks and I'll start running it. 

Atsushi twists in his embrace, and hugs him, arms around his neck as a silent thank you. They both separate to do their jobs, and Atsushi smiles at the things he finds. There sits two glasses and a wine bottle, a bowl of chips and a box of chocolates. Carefully, he takes them all into his hands and finds the bathroom, also finding Akutagawa sitting on the edge with a sleeve rolled to his elbow. 

"Can you take the wine bottle, I'm gonna drop it." Atsushi yelps in fear, and Akutagawa immediately takes it from where Atsushi had tucked it under his arm, placing it on the side of the bath which is significantly larger than it should me, more than enough room to put a laptop on, for scale. Akutagawa has put something in the water, and it's turned a purple-ish colour with sparkles, and the bubbles almost encase the tap at the other end. Whilst the water rises continually, Atsushi pours them the wine, and they gently clink it as Nexus walks in, she perches on the clothes Atsushi had picked out, and slowly lays herself down to sleep. 

"Do you want to get in first or?" Atsushi mumbles and Akutagawa shrugs. 

"Which would be better for you?" 

"You first... But you'll close your eyes right?" 

Akutagawa slides off of the edge of the tub, and sits beside Atsushi. He gently takes Atsushi's chin and leans in, pressing their lips together in a gentle kiss. Atsushi leans up with a content sigh. 

"Of course I will." 

Akutagawa starts to trip, starting with his shirt that he flings into the other corner past the door to put in the laundry later on. Atsushi's eyes widen as it just starts to show more and more skin, and that meant more and more scars. Akutagawa's whole body is covered with them. When he glances over his shoulder, Atsushi gasps and looks away, Akutagawa sighing lightly with affection. 

"None of them hurt anymore, and not many of them are recent. Apart from the bruises." He says as he looks down his own arms to practically inspect the scars, but before he can get cold, he climbs into the bath and settled on one end. Atsushi jumps to his feet with more enthusiasm than he'd expected, yet the fear was so evident in his body that it was painful for Akutagawa to see. Instead, the older one brings his hands to cover his eyes and simply waits. Atsushi flings his clothing on top of Akutagawa's discarded stuff, and slowly settles between Akutagawa's legs, his back against his chest and closes his eyes in the hopes that it'll be okay. 

It was, Akutagawa was happy to have him in this position, head just tucked beneath his chin. The water is almost too warm, but it meant they could stay in there longer before it cooled. They both sip on their drinks slowly, before Akutagawa manages to tilt the others head up. His distaste for not being able to reach Atsushi's mouth is clear in his eyes, and makes Atsushi laugh as Akutagawa goes for his forehead instead. this time, both of their hands are intertwined and suddenly, Atsushi realises just how in love he is. 

"Does Nexus usually join you bathing?" 

"She does, yes, but doesn't get any closer than that. She fell in once and my only way of getting her out was Rashoumon." 

"Do you think she'd like my tiger. 

Akutagawa snorts, "Your tiger form is huge, it would terrify her. Stick with the ears and tail for now. Perhaps try purring near her." 

"Ryuu, are you working tomorrow?" 

"No, I'm not. Are you?

"Yeah... Will you come with me?" 

"If that's what you want, of course." 

"Thank you Ryuu." 

It's times like this, again, where the world could be ending outside, and he wouldn't care. He hums as Akutagawa's arms wrap around his stomach, holding him like a teddy bear against his chest, and Atsushi can feel every breath against his back. The next time Akutagawa looks down, he finds Atsushi's eyes have shut, and his breathing has deepened. For a while, Akutagawa is content to just watch Atsushi's sleep, and feels his own eyes start to droop, which is dangerous. Staying the water any longer whilst it cools could be bad for their health, and so Akutagawa gently begins to wake Atsushi. The bath should've been longer, but for both of their sakes an hour inside is enough. The man0tiger whines, and Akutagawa whispers that he knows, byt they just need to get dry and change, then get in to bed. It takes Atsushi a good ten minutes to actually sit up, and they both climb out. 

Back to back of course, so they can't really see one another's scars, let alone their... other... parts. 

Atsushi ends up just in his boxers and the big jumper, whilst Akutagawa just slots on the joggers Atsushi had picked out. 

"I'm gonna turn off all the lights and set Nexus in bed, I'll be through." Akutagawa mumbles and Atsushi nods. 

A few minutes later finds Akutagawa climbing in with Atsushi. Nexus follows despite being set near her bed, and he guesses it's a cats senses of another cat. Just as Akutagawa settled beside him, he hears a little something that makes his heartbreak. 

"Jinko?"

Atsushi startles, clearly not having heard or even felt Akutagawa get in the bed, and within seconds, buries himself in his neck. 

"Jinko? What's wrong?" 

"I'm tired Ryuu. I couldn't sleep without you and I missed you." He sobs, and Akutagawa wraps his arms so tight around him it almost cuts off his blood circulation. Akutagawa doesn't like crying, but he knows it's one of the only ways Atsushi can express himself because he's awful with words. He hates the way he can feel the tears rolling down Atsushi's cheeks and transferring onto his chest. 

"I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm here now." Akutagawa whispers, quietly shushing him and pulling the sheets around them tighter. He calms down rather quickly, soaking up everything tonight had offered him. 

"I know, but-"

"I'll stop the nightmares, and you'll stop mine, I know that for sure. And if not, you can punch me as hard as you want and I won't get angry." That gets Atsushi to giggle innocently. 

"Ryuu, can I keep this jumper?" He asks. 

"If you want, yes, but only if I get to take your tiger hoodie." 

"That's not fair, Dazai-san gave me that one." 

"Oh, the pink one then." 

Atsushi sits up, stradelling Akutagawa and the look on his face is fantastic, it even pulls Akutagawa's lips into a smile through the dark. 

"You, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, is going to wear a pink jumper? A pastel pink jumper?" He laughs, and Akutagawa splays his palm out on Atsushi's face. 

"I'll wear whatever I want Jinko." 

"Does that mean I can wear your coat?" 

"You already have you heathen." He says whilst digging his fingers into his sides, Atsushi squirming. 

"When?" Atsushi yelps. 

"That fucking earthy guy when Fyodor was on a rampage." 

"That didn't count, we weren't together and it was for the sake of murdering someone. Well, we didn't kill him." 

Akutagawa snorts at that, and covers his mouth as he hides a laugh. Atsushi bursts into laughter above him, tearing up and giggling infectiously. They didn't speak much when they were together, but when they did it was their hearts doing all the talking, because that's all that needs to talk. He wipes his eyes with the jumper sleeve, and the moonlight just catches his face enough for his eyes to glitter. He shivers almost automatically when the moonlight hits his skin, and he looks over at the windows in awe. 

"You live so high up." He notes, and Akutagawa hums, also looking out the window at the skyscrapers and lights. 

"Atsushi... would you... One day, would you move in with me? Up here, where no one can reach us." He says, and Atsushi turns back to him with a startled expression. 

"You... Ryuu, do you mean that?" 

"Of course I do, I wouldn't of asked if I didn't." 

"I mean... I'd love to! Not yet though... The agency still doesn't trust you, and I'd rather if Dazai didn't rig your house." 

"He probably already has." Akutagawa groans, Atsushi smiles and holds his hands again. 

"And Gin could live here too, I have no objections to that." 

It's Akutagawa's turn for his eyes to widen. He... doesn't mind his sister living here, despite it would be a family home? His chest blooms with warmth. 

"No, of course I don't mind idiot. She's your sister." Atsushi can read his mind. 

"You'd really live here? It's so far from the agency." Akutagawa mumbles. 

"Hey, there's a train ten minutes away, and I'd always get to be with you." 

Atsushi then shuffled down so he can lay down again, resting his head on Akutagawa's chest, ear pressed right to where his heart sits. Akutagawa's hands make their way to his back and hair. There was nothing like laying in bed with the one you love, that was true. 

"Ryuu," Atsushi whispers into the darkness, slowly beginning to fall asleep. 

"Yes?" 

"Will you say with me forever?" 

"Of course I will." 

Another minutes or two passes. 

"Ryuu?" 

"Yes?

"I love you." A gentle kiss on the underside of his chin. 

"I love you too, Jinko."

"I love you more." 

"I'll love you for infinity." Akutagawa whispers, quoting that damn song he listens to so much. 

"I can't beat that." Atsushi murmurs, and slowly but surely, sinks into Akutagawa's embrace. And he falls asleep. 

Naturally, Akutagawa stays awake until he hears the front door open, and Gin walks through. He then stays awake until the bedroom door open, just enough for him to see her face. She smiles, and pulls the door to.

And with his precious sister home, his precious cat sleeping on the empty side of the bed, and the most precious boy in his life, Akutagawa falls asleep.