Archive of Our Own ^beta

If Blaine Anderson were to look back on the summer when moved with his family from the suburbs of Chicago to Lima, he knows he wasn’t thrilled with the prospect. He had a pretty decent life in Chicago. He was happy and friendly, busy with extracurricular activities and a great singer. Everyone seemed to like him. Just as he was entering his junior year at Roosevelt High, his parents pulled him out and moved to Ohio. He had never even heard of Lima before his father announced that his firm would be transferring them to Lima to start a branch there.

When his mom had taken him to register a few days before classes started, his heart sank a little more. The school was tiny compared to his old one, and much older. He sat in one of the faded mint green plastic chairs while they filled out paperwork. He tried to concentrate, but the décor of the front office was stuck in the sixties, and it was kind of distracting.

Three students suddenly burst through the door, and that was a much better distraction. They were led by a short brunette with a look of determination on her face. The two others trailed behind, not as intense. A boy and a girl. The girl was just rolling her eyes, and the boy was pretending to pick lint off his sweater. The boy intrigued Blaine, because who wears a sweater in the middle of the summer? Apparently boys in Lima, Ohio. He looked down at his faded Duran Duran tee and jean shorts. The tee was a hand me down from his older brother, who had stayed in Chicago for college. He loved it, but it was pretty worn.

“Miss Lynch?” the short brunette asked in a sing song voice. “Miss Lynch, could we possibly have the keys to the choir room? We wanted to make sure everything is in place for next week.”

He looked again at the two students lagging behind her, and could tell by their faces that they were somehow roped into this.

“Of course!” The secretary rummaged in a drawer to produce a key for the girl. “You three are juniors this year too, correct?” When they nodded, she continued, and Blaine realized she was going to introduce them. He wondered how his hair looked, and glanced down at his shirt again. “Rachel, Mercedes, Kurt, this is Blaine Anderson. He’s from Chicago and was in a glee club there, so I imagine you’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”

The three of him looked him up and down and Blaine had never felt more scrutinized. He hadn’t used his Dippity-Do this morning, and his hair was kind of fluffy. He hadn’t realized he would be meeting fellow students today and he didn’t feel as if he was making a good impression.

“Are you good?” the brunette (Rachel?) finally asked.

“I like to think so,” Blaine replied, smiling at them. They smiled back, the girls with toothy grins, but the boy (Kurt?) – his smile was more subdued, though his eyes were gleaming. He definitely smiled with his eyes. Blaine tried not to stare, but his eyes were interesting. He couldn’t quite pin down the color.

“Care to show us?” Rachel asked, twirling the key around her finger, and he glanced at his mother. She nodded and informed him she’d finish up the paperwork.

Rachel talked a mile a minute as they wandered down the hallways, telling him all about their twelve member glee club. Blaine’s school had never actually competed, they just sang for fun and school events, so he was able to ask plenty of follow up questions. Kurt and Mercedes just watched the two go back and forth, and Blaine kept finding himself catching Kurt’s eye. They would maintain eye contact for a while, and then Kurt would look away towards Mercedes. Blaine could see a small smile forming on his lips.

They finally reached the choir room and he glanced around. Again, it was older and run down, smaller than his old choir room, but there was a piano and a set of drums. The chairs were maroon this time.

“Well?” Mercedes said, after he’d glanced around the room enough for her liking.

“Is this my audition or something?” Blaine’s voice didn’t waver, but he shifted from foot to foot nervously.

Kurt laughed and said dryly, “Everyone who tries out gets in, no audition necessary.”

“We’re just curious, you know,” Rachel said, flashing that smile of hers again. “You won’t have any backing since the band isn’t here, but …”

Blaine glanced over at the piano. He silently thanked his mother for making him take all of those lessons when he was younger, and his last piano teacher, Brian, who taught him pop songs as well as classical. “I can play the piano.” He got more smiles from Mercedes and Rachel and a quirked eyebrow from Kurt. He sat down on the bench and wondered what to play.

After glancing at his own shirt for the tenth time that day, he started playing out the melody to Hungry Like The Wolf, and started to sing along. He was making a good impression, he could tell, and he threw out meaningful glances to each of them (possibly more to Kurt). Burning the ground I break from the crowd, I'm on the hunt I'm after you. I smell like I sound. I'm lost and I'm found and I'm hungry like the wolf. Blaine could feel Kurt’s eyes burning into his skin when he looked away, knew he was still watching.

When he finished, he received applause from all three, plus smiles, and Kurt again with his eyes. Rachel started rattling off duet ideas for the both of them, until Mercedes interrupted and pointed out that Rachel’s boyfriend might not be too happy with that idea. Blaine ignored the two and watched Kurt, who seemed bored by their exchange. He finally looked up from his fingernails and met Blaine’s eye. Caught staring (again), he refocused his attention to Rachel, and just as he had, his mother appeared at the door.

After his goodbyes, when he was walking out, Kurt caught his arm. “Nice song choice,” he said quietly. “I like Duran Duran.”

---

Blaine had never really liked girls. While most boys he knew had advanced past the cooties stage by the time they made it to Roosevelt High, Blaine didn’t. He still didn’t believe in the cooties part, per se, but he really didn’t have any desire to kiss a girl. His father would ask at their Sunday night dinners if he had a girlfriend yet, and it was easy enough to say he was too busy for one. His dad liked that line, calling him a ladies’ man like his brother, though Blaine knew how far that was from the truth.

He had explained all of this to his mother once – the cooties without cooties – and she had just told him he was a late bloomer.

So, he lived with hope that one day he would wake up and magically start liking girls.

It never happened. He did wake up one morning with a revelation, the day after he met Kurt Hummel.

He didn’t like girls. He would never like girls, because he liked boys.

The thought had crossed his mind, of course, before he met Kurt. It’s just that boys were supposed to like girls, and vice versa. He knew from playground teasing and Sunday school lessons that boys weren’t supposed to like boys, it wasn’t normal. In every other aspect of Blaine’s childhood he was an average, all-American kid. His parents were plain old ordinary people. All they ever wanted for him and his brother was for them to be normal.

So, Blaine thought if he just ignored it long enough, it would go away and he’d wake up one day and girls would be it. Until he met Kurt and he couldn’t ignore it anymore. Kurt was the first person Blaine had ever met that he was instantly drawn to; wanting to learn everything he could about the boy.

Now that the flood gates were open, he didn’t know what to do.

---

Blaine was still reeling with his revelation by the time school started. He was different at McKinley. He was still his usual friendly self, but he was also subdued. He had been fairly popular at Roosevelt, but at McKinley it seemed as if you were only popular as a guy if you were a football or hockey player. Blaine wasn’t any of those things. He could sing and dance, and loved to watch sports – he probably knew the rules of football better than most of the kids on the team. He sadly just didn’t have any athletic ability, so popular he was not. He didn’t let anyone get close to him the first few weeks – especially Kurt Hummel. He sat next to Kurt every day in the choir room, with one seat in between them as a buffer, but small talk was the extent of their interaction.

It was early October when he walked into the choir room one day to Finn and Rachel fighting in front of everybody. He took his usual seat two down from Kurt and leaned over the empty chair.

“What happened?” Finn and Rachel were talking so fast Blaine couldn’t keep up.

Kurt leaned over the other half of the empty chair, so their faces were just inches apart. Despite the scene before him, Kurt being so close to him gave Blaine butterflies. He was playing with fire, but he didn’t care.

“Rachel found out that Finn slept with Santana last year.” Blaine glanced over to the cheerleader, who was watching with a smug smile on her face. “If you ask me though, it was doomed already. Rachel already has her sights set on someone else.”

Blaine forced himself to look back at Kurt. “Really? Who? Puck?” Blaine might be new, but he got caught up on gossip pretty fast.

Kurt gave him one of his deadpan looks, which just confused Blaine more. “You really don’t know, do you?” When Blaine shook his head, Kurt just whispered in an amused voice, “It’s you, Blaine.”

Blaine stared at the fight again. Of course it was him. Rachel had been planning their future duets ever since she’d heard his voice.

“You do like her, don’t you?” Kurt asked, picking at his imaginary cuticles. “You two would make a cute couple.”

Maybe he could try to like Rachel. Just to be sure. He looked back at Kurt, and said honestly, “I don’t really know.”

Mr. Schuster finally broke them up to start practice, and of course, Rachel had a song to sing about it. While she sang Love Is A Battlefield, she looked directly at him the whole time, which just added credibility to Kurt’s observations. He must have looked terrified after, because Kurt was staring at him, an amused expression on his face. “Good luck, tiger,” he said with a smirk.

---

Blaine didn’t think it was a coincidence that he just so happened to have a meeting with Ms. Pillsbury that afternoon. It was like the universe was giving him a sign to ask for help. Especially after the standard ‘how are you coping’ questions, when she asked if there was anything else he wanted to talk about.

He hesitated and she must have picked up on it. “Blaine, honey, you can talk to me about anything, that’s what I’m here for.” Her eyes got wide, almost as if they were egging him on silently.

“I think,” he started and stopped for a moment. “I don’t think I like girls.”

“Oh!” Ms. Pillsbury squeaked. “Well, Blaine, puberty comes at different times for different people –“

“No,” he cut her off. He didn’t want a repeat conversation of the one with his mom. “I like boys instead.”

“Oh.” The squeak was much quieter this time. “Well, how long have you thought this way?”

“A while, I guess. I don’t know – I never liked girls. I never liked anyone. But when I came here … there’s a boy I like, and the more I thought about it, I really do like guys. I just never realized I was allowed to think that way. I never … I tried to talk to my mom once, but it didn’t come out right.”

Ms. Pillsbury smiled at him, and reached for her keys to open a file cabinet. She took out three pamphlets and handed them to him. Gay or Confused? one read. Blaine was pretty sure he was both. Someone should make a pamphlet titled that.

“Blaine, how you are feeling is entirely natural. There is nothing wrong with you at all, and you shouldn’t let anyone tell you otherwise. That being said,” she turned her eyes to the pamphlets and continued, “there are many people who disagree with that, especially in high school, especially in Lima. It’s my job to get you to graduation unharmed.”

She hadn’t outright said it, but Blaine’s mind flashed to the things he saw in the hallway. Kurt being slammed into lockers and having slushies thrown in his face. Each time, he’d wanted to rush out and defend Kurt, but those football players were like a foot taller than him. Kurt was bigger than him, and if he couldn’t defend himself, how could Blaine help? Blaine wondered if Ms. Pillsbury tried to help Kurt, if she even tried, or if she gave him this same speech?

Ms. Pillsbury had obviously seen the frustration in Blaine’s face, because she quickly continued. “Blaine, I’m not telling you to not be who you are. I’m just saying this is Ohio, not New York City, or even Chicago. Certain expectations should be had.” She paused to sigh. “Read through the pamphlets and we’ll meet again, okay? Should I make you an appointment, or can I trust you to come back to me when you’re ready?”

Blaine didn’t want to get signed up for weekly therapy sessions with her, so he agreed to do what she said. He shoved the pamphlets to the very bottom of his backpack, and walked out of the office.

---

Blaine usually ate lunch with a group of boys from his Algebra class, since he had Algebra right before lunch. It was easy enough to fall into the pattern of walking to the lunchroom with them, and they were nice enough, he supposed. They were similar to the friends he had in Chicago, but it seemed as if he needed something more now. He glanced over to the other side of the lunchroom and saw Kurt, Rachel, Mercedes, and Tina sitting together.

“Hey, guys, I’m going to sit elsewhere today.” The four boys followed his gaze to the table and Tony started laughing.

“Dude, you’re leaving us to sit with a bunch of girls! Lame!”

Billy followed suit. “Man, that’s totally gay.” Blaine tried not to wince, all of Ms. Pillsbury’s words ringing true in his head.

Michael was the one who saved him. “No, guys, I heard Berry broke up with Finn yesterday. I bet Blaine just wants to get himself a piece of that.”

He turned to their eager faces. It sure was easier. He nodded and shrugged. “You know it.” They high fived him and he walked over to the table. He hadn’t thought about the Rachel angle, in fact, he hadn’t thought much at all. He realized he would be leading Rachel on, but that empty seat was next to Kurt …

“Hey, can I sit with you guys?”

They all looked at him, kind of dumbfounded, and finally Rachel said, “Tina, move over so Blaine can sit next to me.” She batted her eyelashes at him, and damn, he was in so much trouble.

“No, no, it’s okay, I’ll just sit here,” he said quickly, pulling out the seat next to Kurt. Kurt just looked at him curiously and went back to eating his salad.

He sat with them every day the rest of the week, and all of the next. Blaine made a point to talk to Kurt at least as much as Rachel and the other girls. Blaine was surprised Rachel hadn’t made a move. She was probably expecting him to, being a gentleman and all. Well, he wasn’t planning on doing that any time soon.

Finally, it was the end of the week, and Rachel was looking at him excitedly as he sat down. “I have a heads up on the assignment that Mr. Schuster is going to give us this afternoon. I may have suggested it.”

“Oh yeah? What is it?” Blaine asked as he cracked open his soda, the rest of them looking on curiously.

“Duets!” Rachel screamed, waving her hands wildly in the air. “And I would like you to be my duet partner, Blaine.” She grabbed his hand, and at the same time, Kurt kicked him under the table.

“Uh. Great!” Blaine smiled widely at her to try to match her enthusiasm, but his mind immediately went to duets that he and Kurt would be great at. “Do you have any suggestions?” he asked, since he knew Rachel would, and then he could keep thinking about duets with Kurt. He took a sip of his soda.

“I was thinking Don’t You Want Me,” Rachel said sweetly, which caused Blaine to choke on his drink. Kurt gave him another swift kick and out of the corner of his eye, he could see Kurt covering his mouth with his hand to hide the laughter.

“Rachel, have you ever actually listened to the lyrics of that song?” Kurt asked, still visibly amused.

“Just … the chorus,” Rachel scoffed at him. “I thought it would be a fun change.”

Maybe it was best if they didn’t pick a lovey dovey song anyways. “Sure, Rachel that sounds fine,” He replied, grinning at her.

“Great! Maybe you can come over to my house tomorrow night to practice?” Rachel looked at him with those fluttering eyelashes again, but all Blaine could think about was how Kurt had much nicer eyelashes. Unable to formulate words, he just nodded and figured it was better than spending Saturday night in his room playing Centipede.

“Speaking of fun changes, I thought I might ask Sam to do a duet with me.” The way Kurt spoke, it was almost like he was expecting their resistance.

He knew them too well, apparently. “Kurt, do you really think that’s a good idea?” Tina asked.

“Sure. There’s thirteen of us now, someone’s going to have to double up. He can still do a duet with a girl to prove his straightness, or whatever. I’m just kind of sick of singing with you ladies, no offense.” Kurt picked at his salad, and Blaine had eaten with him long enough to know that pretending to eat instead of actual eating meant he was pissed.

“How many options would you guys have, anyways? I can’t think of any duets for two guys,” Mercedes pointed out.

“I think there are plenty of songs two guys could sing,” Blaine said, a little too quickly. His face burned unconsciously, and he knew Kurt had turned to stare at him. He kept looking at Mercedes. “I mean, I’m sure they could find a few songs to work.”

They sat in silence for a few moments and then the bell rang. The girls got up to throw away their trash and Kurt turned to Blaine. “Thanks,” he said quietly, that same quiet voice he used the first day in the choir room.

“No problem,” Blaine said, returning his quiet nature and smiling. Rachel appeared at his side then, offering her hand. Blaine realized she wanted him to hold it, so he got up and they walked out of the lunchroom with their hands entwined. His Algebra buddies were making kissing faces at him, which he tried to ignore. He turned his glance back to their table and realized Kurt was watching them. Kurt smiled and waved, playing it off like he meant to, but Blaine knew he just realized he had been caught.

Eight weeks. He’d known Kurt Hummel as an acquaintance for eight weeks and he felt like he knew Kurt better than anyone else at this school.

So what was he doing holding Rachel Berry’s hand?

---

Blaine pulled his Chevy Caprice up to the Berry residence. It was bright red and used to belong to his next door neighbor in Chicago. His parents had bought it for his sixteenth birthday. Though he hadn’t been driving long, he loved the car. It was something uniquely his, more than his room that his mom had painted and decorated, or his clothes that she had mostly picked out.

When he rang the doorbell, he expected an older version of Rachel to answer the door, a doting mom like his own, but Rachel answered it herself, with two men standing behind her. “Blaine!” Rachel was a burst of energy, as always. “Come in.” She actually reached across the threshold and pulled him inside. “This is my dad, Hiram, and my Uncle Leroy.” The two men looked nothing like brothers, but ever polite, he shook both their hands. “Uncle Leroy came to live with us when my mom died,” she said quickly, as if she’d told the story a hundred times before.

The four made small talk for a while, and Blaine felt as if he was being interrogated a little bit, before Rachel dragged him off to her room. Blaine had hoped they would have told her to keep her door open, but they hadn’t. They were supposed to be singing, anyways.

Rachel apparently had other ideas, because the second the door was closed, she said very matter of factly, “Blaine, I want you to kiss me.”

He tried to stop himself from sputtering. Tried being the operative word. “Bu-but, Rachel, we haven’t even sang together yet.”

He was speaking her language and her face lit up. “Okay, practice first?” She went over to her boom box to put a tape in and Blaine sighed with relief. It would be much easier to sing with Rachel. He could sing with anyone, he was a great performer.

Unfortunately, being a great performer might have been part of the problem. Every run through had Rachel’s looks getting flirtier and flirtier, and finally after the fifth one, Rachel collapsed on the bed. Blaine just stood there, unsure of what to do.

“It’s just,” Rachel started. “I’ve never been with someone who can match me vocally. Noah and Finn tried, but …” She sat up, and grabbed his hands. “I really enjoy singing with you, Blaine.”

“I enjoy singing with you too, Rachel.” Which wasn’t a lie, he did. Rachel was a wonderful singer and performer, and they were a good match vocally. He just didn’t know how to tell her he didn’t like her romantically. “I should probably get going, I have to be home by ten.” His actual curfew was twelve, but he’d had enough of Rachel for one night.

She walked him to the door, looking a little forlorn, probably because she didn’t get her kiss. “I think we’ll do great in practice next week,” Blaine said, turning to face Rachel standing in the doorway.

She nodded, and the look on her face made Blaine feel awful. He picked up her hand, and kissed the back of it, which made her smile. “Goodnight, Rachel.”

---

Kurt never did end up singing with Sam; Finn had talked him out of it. Mercedes ended up doing double duty, River Deep, Mountain High with Santana and Holiday with Kurt. Rachel and Blaine had sung perfectly together, and Blaine had really tried to limit his glances at Kurt while he sang. He didn’t want to be obvious, but he wasn’t sure if he succeeded. In the end, Rachel and Blaine won the Breadstix gift certificate by one vote, and Blaine had a sneaking suspicion that Kurt was the one to push them over the edge.

At the end of the day, he knew Rachel would be waiting by his car for a ride home (something she had started the Monday after their pseudo-date), so Blaine decided to take the long way out to the parking lot. The long way had another plus of going right by Kurt’s locker.

As he turned the corner though, he saw something he hated to see. Two football players (Azimio and Karofsky? Blaine couldn’t remember) were walking down the hall and one body checked Kurt into the lockers.

“Stay outta my way next time, ladyboy!”

Blaine found himself frozen to his spot on the floor. He watched Kurt slump down to the ground with his bag and then Blaine knew what he had to do. He ran over to Kurt, the football players long gone. “Hey,” he said, crouching down next to Kurt and putting his hand on his shoulder. “Are you alright?”

Kurt must not have seen him coming, because he flinched under Blaine’s touch. “Oh, Blaine. Yeah, I’m fine, fine! Nothing out of the ordinary.” Blaine stood up and offered Kurt his hand to help him up. Kurt’s cheeks were red and his black jeans were covered in dust from the floor. He brushed himself off and asked Blaine, “What are you doing down this way? I thought your locker was in the E wing?”

“I was going out to the parking lot.” When he realized from Kurt’s confused expression that this still didn’t explain things, he added, “I was over by the library.”

Kurt hummed and nodded. “Rachel’s probably waiting for you at your car, isn’t she? She did that with Finn. How’s that going, by the way?”

Blaine tried to think of what he should say. What the appropriate answer would be. He came up short. “It’s … going.”

That caused Kurt to burst out laughing. “You probably shouldn’t keep her waiting.” He reached down to pick up his bag and shut his locker.

Blaine knew the next words that came out of his mouth would be wrong, and he would catch heat from Rachel for offering, but – it would be worth it, right? “Hey, do you have a ride home? I heard you say at lunch your dad was working on your transmission today.”

Kurt looked surprised that Blaine would remember something he said hours before. He obviously didn’t think much of his friends. “I was just going to walk. It’s nice out, and the other option was to wait for Finn to be done with football practice.”

“So, do you want a ride?” Blaine rephrased.

Blaine could practically see the fumes coming out of Rachel’s ears when they approached the car. “Hey, Rach! Kurt doesn’t have his car, so I’m going to drop him off too.”

“But, Blaine,” she said, emphasizing his name, her tone cold as ice, “I have to be home right away to get ready for Temple. My dad will be furious if I’m not ready to go at five.”

“Well, I can drop you off first then.” Blaine decided that playing dumb would be his best bet. He knew full well that what she meant was Blaine should hang out in her room while she got ready for an hour. She obviously bought his stupidity, because she just rolled her eyes and got in the front seat.

The drive to Rachel’s house consisted of Kurt talking to Rachel, and Kurt talking to Blaine, but not so much Blaine talking to Rachel. When Blaine walked Rachel to her door, he felt like he should say something, end it now before it went on too long, but “Breadstix tomorrow?” was what came out of his mouth. Her face lit up, and she told him to pick her up at seven. He kissed Rachel’s hand again, realizing at some point he was going to have to move further up to her face. Maybe he could get by with a kiss on the cheek after Breadstix.

When he returned to the car, Kurt had moved to the front seat. “I hope this is okay,” he said, as Blaine got into the driver’s seat. “I wanted to check her out; you’ve taken good care of her.”

It took him a moment to realize that Kurt meant the car and not Rachel, because he had definitely not been taking good care of Rachel. “Thanks, I try.” He pulled out of the Berry’s driveway as Kurt continued to inspect the dash. “So, what are your plans this fine Friday evening?” Blaine couldn’t help it. He was kind of flirting.

Kurt laughed, and Blaine realized he loved to make Kurt laugh. He silently added that to his list of things to do, make Kurt laugh as much as possible. “I don’t know, probably dinner with my dad and Carole and Finn when he gets home, and then probably a Sound of Music sing along in my room. Alone, not that Finn would partake in that,” he quickly amended.

“I love the Sound of Music,” Blaine replied, grinning from ear to ear.

“Blaine Anderson, you never fail to surprise me,” Kurt murmured under his breath, and Blaine wasn’t sure how to take that, or even if he was supposed to hear it. Kurt started fiddling with his radio, switching stations to find something that wasn’t commercials. He finally settled on one. We Built This City lead into Take Me Home Tonight, which made Kurt giggle.

When Blaine looked at him curiously, he just said, “If Rachel were here, she’d say it was symbolic of you taking her home without listening to the lyrics again.”

Blaine laughed and nodded, realizing himself that he hadn’t actually ever listened to the lyrics. He was taking Kurt home too, after all. Anticipation is what I'm feeling, let's find the keys and turn this engine on.

To this day, Blaine still credits that song for the question he asked next. Which was stupid and reckless and more than playing with fire at this point, but on he went.

“Hey, so, Finn’s practice won’t be over for another few hours, right? Do you like coffee?”

---

Blaine would just be lying to himself if he thought he enjoyed Breadstix with Rachel more than the Lima Bean with Kurt. He couldn’t really remember a single thing he and Rachel had discussed, but he remembered every word that had come out of Kurt’s mouth. They’d talked about movies and music and somehow ended up discussing the bullies at McKinley. Blaine had given him some very After School Special advice about being himself and never changing and having the courage to stand up for himself.

He wondered how Kurt’s weekend had been as he sat in his Chemistry class, ignoring the notes written on the board. He wanted to do something for Kurt, something that would let him know he hadn’t forgotten about their conversation Friday night. Finally, it occurred to him and he tore a page out of his notebook. He wrote ‘courage’ in big block letters, and then folded the piece of paper twice. He borrowed a strip of tape from the teacher’s desk on the way out, and even though the A wing was nowhere near his next class, he wandered there anyways. He stuck the note to Kurt’s locker and made it to Algebra with time to spare.

---

Blaine’s next few weekends followed a very obvious pattern. Friday afternoon, he would drive Rachel home and stay with her while she got ready for Temple. He then would have dinner with his parents, and go to meet Kurt at the Lima Bean afterwards. Saturday nights he saw Rachel again.

This led to many lies of omission on Blaine’s part. Friday nights he just told his parents he was going out, and he knew they assumed he was seeing Rachel after Temple. When Rachel asked how his Friday night had been, he was vague, talking about dinner with his parents.

And, of course, there was Kurt. Kurt hadn’t asked him what his sexual orientation was, and Blaine didn’t know if that meant Kurt knew he was gay and was being polite, or he thought he was straight and didn’t want to screw things up, or if he just plain didn’t know and was afraid to ask. Kurt had told him about the incident with Finn last year, and Blaine wouldn’t put it past him to assume everyone was straight in Lima besides him. Friday night coffee was still the highlight of his week, and it seemed as if he and Kurt never ran out of things to talk about.

One Friday in early December, Mr. Berry had invited Blaine to stay for dinner before the family went to Temple and Blaine went home (or, in reality, to the Lima Bean). Rachel had been changing, and Blaine sat on the living room sofa while Rachel’s dad and uncle got cooked dinner in the kitchen.

Blaine’s attention had been turned to the TV and the nightly news when he heard laughing coming from the kitchen. He didn’t turn around until he heard Mr. Berry whisper, “Shh, stop, Blaine is here.” This, of course, made him crouch down on the sofa and peek over the back towards the kitchen. He saw the two men standing close together at the sink, Leroy’s arm around Mr. Berry’s shoulder. It was a simple act, one that he’d seen his parents do many a time.

That’s when it hit him. Leroy wasn’t Rachel’s uncle … he was with Mr. Berry. They were both Rachel’s dads. If they, as adults, couldn’t live their lives, what hope did Blaine have? He knew the line about Uncle Leroy and Rachel’s mom dying had been practiced, but he never imagined it wasn’t true.

He heard his name again, and that snapped him out of his thoughts. “Shh, Leroy, he’s in the next room.”

Blaine relocated to the end of the sofa closest to the kitchen so he could hear better. “Haven’t you thought about it though? He’s no Finn or Puck, that’s for sure.”

“That doesn’t automatically make him gay.” Blaine’s face burned. Maybe he wasn’t putting on such a good front after all.

“Maybe he doesn’t even realize it yet.” It was all too much. Blaine was starting to feel a little weak and dizzy. There were no sounds coming from the kitchen other than the two men cooking away, so Blaine made his way to the bathroom. He wasn’t sure if he was actually sick, or it was all in his head, but it wasn’t long before he was crying and heaving, and he could hear Rachel fidgeting outside.

“Blaine?” she asked through the door. “Are you okay?”

Blaine shook his head, even though she couldn’t see. When he didn’t answer her, Mr. Berry knocked on the door and asked the same thing. He cracked open the door and slipped inside. “Oh, you poor boy,” he said, a worried expression on his face, and Blaine realized he must have been quite a sight.

“I think,” Blaine started slowly, somewhat pulling it together. “I think I need to go home.”

Leroy had driven Blaine and his car home, with Mr. Berry and Rachel right behind them. There were things that Blaine wanted to ask him, but his mind was too cloudy to process the questions. He wasn’t sure if Leroy really knew at that point, or if that was in Blaine’s head too, but when they pulled up to his driveway, Leroy patted him on the back and said, “Don’t worry, Blaine. Everything will be okay.”

He’d called to cancel coffee with Kurt, and had sounded sick enough that Kurt was audibly worried. His Saturday date with Rachel was off too, of course, and his mom had even allowed him to stay home from school the beginning part of the week. This left Blaine holed up for five days in his bedroom with nothing but his thoughts.

He went back to school on Thursday, his head as clouded as ever.

---

Blaine apparently was still distracted the next day, because Kurt kept asking him if he was alright. “Still not one hundred percent,” he would say between sips of coffee. Kurt never seemed to quite believe him, and Blaine supposed that’s why he kept asking.

“So. I probably shouldn’t be asking this, since you still look ill, but I was going to ask you last week …” Kurt started, and then stopped to fidget with his cup.

“Go on.” When he didn’t, Blaine poked at his hands with a wooden stirrer.

“First of all, ew, that’s been in your coffee, and like I said, you look ill.” Blaine rolled his eyes, but put the stirrer back on the table. “Second of all – it’s probably stupid.”

“If it’s stupid, you wouldn’t have brought it up.” The two stared at each other for what felt like an eternity before Kurt finally started talking again.

“So. Why do you hang out with me? You know, instead of Finn or Puck or Mike, or …”

Blaine started to feel ill again, but held it together. “I have to have a reason now to hang out with you?”

“No!” Kurt replied quickly. “No, but … I guess one of the Cheerios, Samantha? She saw us in here two weeks ago, and told all of the Cheerios, who in turn told some of the football players … well, Finn said some not nice things, and I guess I just didn’t realize that no one knew about us coming here every Friday. I’m just wondering … why.”

Blaine thought back to the last two days of school. People had been kind of avoiding him, but he figured it had to with people finding out how sick he had been in Rachel’s bathroom. He hadn’t really been paying attention and didn’t think much of it.

The silence had apparently gone on too long, because the tone in Kurt’s voice changed. “Blaine, if you’re embarrassed to be seen with me, just say it.” Kurt’s mouth formed a firm line and Blaine could see him tensing up.

“No! Kurt … it’s nothing like that.” Blaine sighed, trying to collect his thoughts. “Look. I hang out with you because I like hanging out with you. I have meaningful conversations with you. Can you honestly see that happening with Finn or Puck or Mike? You’re pretty amazing Kurt, and you don’t give yourself enough credit.” Blaine was going to continue about how amazing he was, but he could see Kurt’s cheeks start to flush, so he moved on. “I’m not embarrassed to be seen with you Kurt, but like I said, you’re the only one I have meaningful conversations with. I don’t know what anyone else does on Friday night anymore than they do me. I probably should have told Rachel, and that was wrong with me, but you know how Rachel gets.”

Kurt nodded and they sat in silence for a while, as if Kurt was taking it all in.

“I’m thinking about breaking up with her.” There. He said it. Maybe if he told someone, he’d actually do it.

Kurt just looked at him like he was crazy. “Why? I mean, I would never date Rachel Berry, but you two seem like you have a good thing going.”

“What I tell you never gets repeated?” Once Blaine got an “of course” from Kurt, he continued. “I like Rachel. I like Rachel a lot. She’s fun to be around, and I love singing with her, and I consider her a good friend. I don’t really want to lose that, because we’ve established that I don’t have a lot of friends … but I’ve never been attracted to her.” He left out the obvious because I’m attracted to you, and he hoped Kurt wasn’t getting the memo.

Kurt put his coffee cup down with a loud thunk. “Why did you even go out with her in the first place?”

Blaine shrugged. “I’d never had a girlfriend before.”

Kurt laughed at that. “Really? You? I figured you’d have girls knocking down your door.”

Another shrug. “I was really busy in Chicago. Involved in too many extra activities. I was spread pretty thin. I figured when I came here, it would be like a fresh start. I just didn’t have time to date anyone.” It was all true, but there he went with those lies of omission again.

“You know, we talk a lot about me, but I just realized I don’t know enough about you.” Kurt had picked up his empty cup again, and was twisting it a little between his fingers.

“What do you want to know? I’m an open book.” He winked. “Just let me get us more coffee first.”

---

Kurt hadn’t asked Blaine if he was gay that night, so Blaine figured that Kurt assumed he was straight. He broke up with Rachel the next day anyways. Rachel had taken it surprisingly well, stating that she had suspicions, because gentleman or not, no teenage boy could make it through two months of dating on only chaste kisses (Blaine still thought her dads may have said something to her the night he got sick).

They had gone through with their original date plan of ice cream and The Princess Bride, and Blaine realized he really did enjoy being around Rachel when he didn’t have to be neurotic about saying the right things and doing the right things and could just be himself.

That Monday, Blaine had left another note on Kurt’s locker (‘Courage. I took my own advice and broke up with Rachel. Coffee this afternoon?’), because he couldn’t wait another day to tell Kurt. Kurt had confirmed their plans at lunch, but then hadn’t shown up at the Lima Bean. Blaine waited around for an hour before leaving.

As he drove home, his own neuroses got the best of him. What if Kurt had figured it out? What if Kurt had figured it out and wasn’t into him? Gay people were just like straight people, just because they happened to be the only two gay kids at McKinley (that Blaine knew of) didn’t make them automatically attracted to each other.

He found himself pulling down Kurt’s street instead of his own. On autopilot, he pulled in the driveway, got out of his car, and walked up to the door. He knocked and Kurt’s dad answered.

“Hi, Mr. Hummel. I’m Blaine Anderson?” When he nodded with recognition, Blaine continued. “I, uh, well Kurt was supposed to meet me to, um, work on a project for French class –“ (if Finn was already giving him trouble, he didn’t want to cause more of it, and French was their only class together) “– and … well, it’s just not like him to not show up, is he okay?”

Mr. Hummel looked at him as if he didn’t know what to tell him. Finally he sighed and motioned him in. “You’re his friend, right?”

“Yes, sir,” Blaine said, wiping his boots on the doormat before stepping in. He had never been in Kurt’s house before even though he’d dropped him off many times.

“He says nothing’s wrong, but he came home upset and took a shower and went to bed. I’ve tried to get him to talk to me, but …” He held up his hands, as if to say ‘what can you do?’

He led Blaine to Kurt’s room and Blaine knocked.

“Dad!” Kurt yelled from inside the room. “I’m fine, I just want to be alone, go away please!”

Blaine turned the doorknob, and it was unlocked so he went inside. “Dad, I said – Oh. Blaine. Uh. Hi. Sorry, I should have called the coffee shop …”

Kurt looked horrible; his face all splotchy and tear stained, though he wasn’t crying anymore. Blaine felt a tug at his heart, almost like it hurt Blaine to see Kurt in this much pain.

Blaine moved over to the bed and sat on the corner. “Kurt, what happened?”

At first, Blaine didn’t think he would talk, but then Kurt let out a huge sigh. “So. Courage, right? I figured that breaking up with Rachel was pretty damn courageous of you – though, looking back at lunch, she was totally fine, and I didn’t know you could have amicable breakups in high school, so whatever you told her must have been pretty perfect – anyways. I figured if you were courageous, I could be too, and when Karofsky threw me into the lockers this afternoon –“

Kurt’s voice wavered before he broke out in a sob. Blaine pulled him close, letting him tell the rest of the story to his chest. When Kurt told him about the kiss, Blaine just kept going on and on about how he didn’t deserve it, and had to resist the urge to kiss Kurt himself.

Because to Kurt, he was just a friend, and not gay. It would be almost as bad as Karofsky.

They sat in silence until Kurt’s crying stopped. Kurt got up and walked in his bathroom to wipe his face. “Blaine, why did you even come here?” he asked, coming back out. “Most people would have just gone home and talked to me tomorrow.”

Blaine just smiled and said simply, “I’m not most people.”

Kurt laughed, which made Blaine smile even more. He needed to hear Kurt laugh after everything. “No, Blaine, no you’re not.”

---

There was only one more week before winter break, and luckily, Karofsky and the others seemed too preoccupied with midterms to bother Kurt. Even still, Blaine, Rachel, and Mercedes ended up walking the halls with him in between classes and after school just in case.

Blaine’s family was leaving early Saturday morning to drive back to Chicago for the whole break, so Blaine and Kurt went straight to the Lima Bean once their final midterm was over. Blaine had offered to get the coffee, and when he walked over to their usual spot in the corner, there was a wrapped package on his seat.

“If you didn’t get me anything, that’s okay,” Kurt said, quickly, as he took his coffee cup from Blaine. “I just – you’ve been a good friend to me this year, and I saw this and thought of you.”

Blaine sat his cup down on the side table between the chairs, and pulled a box out of his backpack. “Well, it’s a good thing I had the same idea.” Kurt took the box and pretended to shake it while Blaine settled into his chair, his present in his lap. “Do you want to go first? Or?”

When Kurt insisted he go first, he gingerly opened his present. It was wrapped in silver paper with black, glittery snowflakes on it, and Blaine tried to not rip it. He could feel that the object was soft, and when he finally got it opened, he saw a brand new Duran Duran tee shirt.

“I know the one you have is from your brother, so I thought if you had another, the other one might not wear out as fast.” Kurt grinned kind of sheepishly, obviously thinking his gift was too personal or something – Blaine had been wearing that shirt the first time they met.

“Kurt, this is awesome, thank you.” He held it up to his chest to model it, and Kurt clapped his hands. “Seriously, I love it.”

Blaine hadn’t wrapped Kurt’s present quite as nice, just with plain red paper and a green bow. Kurt opened a side first, and must have seen what was inside, because he stopped and shook his head.

“Blaine. This is too much.”

“No, it’s not. Open it.” Kurt continued to remove the wrapping paper, revealing a new silver Walkman hiding inside. Blaine cleared his throat. “I know the other one flew out of your hand and broke after, well, you know, so I figured you could use a new one.” Blaine wiped his hands on his jeans. He hadn’t expected to be this nervous, but if Kurt was worried about giving him a tee shirt, there was a slight chance he may have gone overboard. “Uh, there’s also a mix tape in there I made for you. I know it’s something Rachel would do, but you’re my best friend, so.”

Kurt laughed at the reference. “How many tapes did she make you?”

“Four. Four in two months.”

Kurt cringed, visibly shaking in mock horror, causing Blaine to laugh himself. “How many did you make her?”

Blaine winced. “Uh, well, none, actually.” He hoped that Kurt wouldn’t read too much into that, and luckily he didn’t.

“Blaine, really, I don’t know what to say.”

“Thank you always works.”

Kurt reached out and put his hand on Blaine’s arm. “Thank you. Really, this is one of the nicest things anyone’s ever gotten for me.”

“Well,” Blaine said, drawing it out obnoxiously. “I’m going to be gone for two weeks, I wouldn’t want you to forget about me.”

Kurt’s eyes were sparkling when he said, “Blaine, I don’t think two weeks would be long enough to forget you.”

January came and went with the new routine – Blaine, Kurt, and the girls walking in a pack from class to class (which caused them all to get a few more slushies than usual, but at least Kurt wasn’t slammed into lockers), daily lunches, Friday coffees with Kurt, Saturday movie nights with Rachel. At some point, Rachel had realized that not only was Blaine gay, he conveniently had a crush on Kurt and was doing nothing about it. Blaine was doing nothing about it because the more he thought about it – there was probably no way Kurt would be attracted to him. This wasn’t a cliché movie where two best friends could actually fall in love.

This led to Rachel mostly ignoring the movies she and Blaine watched in her basement while she schemed instead. Every idea was crazier than the next, usually inspired from whatever they saw on the screen. Blaine would humor her, and then promptly ignore the ideas once he left. She had been pushing for some insane declaration on Valentine’s Day, and when Blaine ignored those ideas too, she decided to finally do something about it.

Rachel was polishing her toes a pale pink while they watched Funny Girl for the fiftieth time. “Blaine, I am going to have the house all to myself next weekend. I’m going to tell Puck that I’m throwing a party, and in turn, he will bring lots of alcohol, and in your inebriated state, maybe you’ll tell Kurt how you feel.”

Rachel set the bottle of polish down on the coffee table, and Blaine picked it up to close it properly. “Rachel, I don’t need alcohol to help me, I just need to figure out what to say. Sober.”

She blew on her feet, but her face was so far away, Blaine knew it wasn’t making any difference. “I hear alcohol can help with that. What’s the worst that can happen? Maybe it would be wise to just act like stupid teenagers for once.”

“I don’t know, but you should never ask ‘what’s the worst that can happen.’”

Despite his protests, a week later he and Rachel definitely weren’t alone in the basement for movie night. The rest of New Directions had come and it wasn’t long before they were all sipping drinks of questionable content from plastic cups. Someone had turned the radio on and he and Rachel were dancing to Sunglasses At Night, complete with neon sunglasses (somehow Blaine ended up with her purple ones, while she wore his blue ones).

Kurt came up and danced beside them. “One, you guys are both dorks.” Blaine just grinned at him and tried not to fall over. “Two, I don’t care what you guys say, neon is not a fashion statement you want to make.”

Rachel pulled a yellow pair out of the pocket of her dress (Blaine wasn’t quite sure where she had gotten so many, or why she had party favors at a drinking party). She attempted to put them on Kurt’s face, but was more inebriated than she thought and almost poked out his eye. “Oh no, sweetie, yellow is not my color. If I’m going to have to wear them, I’m taking the blue ones.”

“Oh my god,” Rachel exclaimed after Kurt put the blue sunglasses on. “You guys are adorable.” She drew out the last syllable, and wandered off, returning with her Polaroid camera. “Smile!” She snapped a picture of the two of them, and handed the printout to Blaine. “You’re welcome,” she tried to whisper, but ended up kind of shouting it.

Blaine just shrugged at Kurt, trying to play it cool, when Kurt whispered to him, “How much has she had?”

I Think We’re Alone Now came on the radio next, and Rachel screamed again. “I love this song! Sing with me, boys!” She did a lot of jumping and flailing while she sang, and they joined in with her, though Blaine more than Kurt. Blaine had wanted to add this song to Kurt’s mixtape back in December, but realized it would be overtly obvious. He had put it on there, at the very end, but recorded over it with blank space. Still, it reminded him of Kurt – he should be blushing, but he wasn’t. Maybe Rachel had been right. Blaine was nowhere near as drunk as her, but he felt himself relaxing, and realized he was so going to tell Kurt tonight.

Seven songs , two drinks, and a very awkward conversation with Puck later (Blaine had never realized he had perfect mullet hair, but the look on Kurt’s face of the mention of it squashed the idea from going any further), Rachel decided there had been enough dancing and singing. It was spin the bottle time.

Blaine got excited, until he realized Kurt, along with Santana, had decided not to play. Rachel gave him an over exaggerated wink and purposefully left a space in between them where Kurt was standing behind them. Blaine had to laugh that even drunk, Rachel was trying her best to fix them up (it probably also gave her a much needed distraction from Finn – Blaine saw there was some sort of disagreement earlier, but he was too busy watching Kurt dance to care. He knew he’d get the full run down later.).

Blaine realized that he’d probably end up not getting Kurt and he was right. He got Tina first, which was just a quick peck because Mike was watching them pretty intensely. Then Quinn landed on him, which was more than a quick peck, earning him a few cat calls. Finally on his second round, it landed square on the space where Kurt was standing.

Kurt’s eyes got wide. “Blaine, I’m not playing, default to Rachel.” But Blaine ignored him and got up anyway, swaying a little and ignoring the gasps behind him. He heard Puck say, “Damn, he’ll regret this tomorrow,” followed by some laughs and Santana’s excited “wanky.” Take On Me played quietly in the background. So needless to say I'm odds and ends, but that's me, stumbling away, slowly learning that life is okay. Say after me – It's no better to be safe than sorry.

“Blaine,” Kurt hissed as he crept closer. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I think I do, fair is fair.” He smiled, finally getting close enough to step just inside Kurt’s personal space.

“You’re drunk,” Kurt whispered, his voice cracking.

“Not drunk enough to regret this tomorrow. Just drunk enough to push me to do something I’ve wanted to do for months.” Blaine saw Kurt breathe in sharply at his words. No more protests came from his mouth. Blaine grabbed Kurt’s waist, pulling him up off the stool he sat on. “If you really don’t want me to, I won’t, but just know that I truly want to.”

It was Kurt who bridged the final distance between them, touching his lips to Blaine’s tentatively, and then leaning into the kiss as Blaine cupped the back of his head, pulling him closer. He had forgotten about the crowd behind them, until he heard Brittany’s “that’s really hot,” and they pulled apart. Kurt’s hand moved to his lips as if he couldn’t believe what just happened, and Blaine smiled wildly at him before sitting back down next to Rachel, who was already spinning for her turn.

---

Blaine awoke the next morning on the floor, in between the couch and coffee table in Rachel’s basement. Rachel was on the couch, her arm falling over the side and her hand resting on Blaine’s shoulder. He moved her arm carefully back to the couch, and sat up way too fast, making the room spin. He lay back down, fingers to his temples.

After spin the bottle, Kurt had snuck out while Blaine was in the bathroom. He never got to talk to Kurt after all. Rachel had pushed copious amounts of alcohol on him, trying to cheer him up, but he was pretty sure that just led to him becoming more depressed. He had a vague memory of him crying onto Rachel’s shoulder while True played on the radio, and he sure hoped everyone else had gone home by that point.

Blaine sat up again, slower this time, and looked around. The basement was pretty trashed. Plastic cups and neon sunglasses littered the coffee table, along with a pile of Polaroids. He picked them up and shuffled through them. Brittany on Artie’s lap with her hand in the air while they kissed, Mercedes and Tina laughing hysterically at something Mike said, Puck and Quinn looking confused, a few Blaine and Rachel making goofy bug eyed faces and singing while Kurt watched on with disdain, Rachel hugging Finn – and then the one of him and Kurt with the sunglasses on.

Rachel stirred beside him. “Oh my god, Blaine, why are you breathing so loud?”

Rachel was far more hung over than he was, so he helped her up the stairs and made eggs and dry toast for them to eat, even though it was well past noon. They ate in silence, the daylight too loud and sober for either of them to deal with. Finally, as Blaine was washing the dishes in the sink, Rachel spoke.

“You’re going to go talk to him, right?”

Blaine nodded, and agreed to help her clean up the basement before he went. He ended up pocketing the photo of him and Kurt, plus one of the two of them with Rachel.

When he pulled up in Kurt’s driveway, he realized that Kurt and Finn’s cars were the only ones there. He said a silent prayer that he didn’t have to deal with parents quite yet. He knocked on the door, and Finn answered.

“Oh, hey man, is Kurt around?”

Finn shifted his weight from foot to foot and said nervously, “Uh, he said if you came by to tell you he wasn’t here, but I think he just doesn’t want to talk to you.”

Kurt didn’t want to talk to him? “Could you let me in anyway? Please, Finn?” He didn’t expect him to, he and Finn had never been that close since Rachel practically broke up with him to date Blaine, and then tried to get back together with Finn right after.

“I don’t know, I don’t want to get in trouble …” Finn was staring at his feet. “Sorry, Blaine.”

Blaine started to walk back to his car after Finn shut the door, when he realized the shades in Kurt’s room were open. So, he wasn’t sleeping at least. Blaine picked up a wood chip from the mulch in the bushes beneath Kurt’s window and tossed it up. It made a satisfying ping, and Blaine did it again. He sent five more wood chips flying, and was about to give up, when Kurt opened the window.

“Blaine, go away,” Kurt quickly shouted before closing the window again.

“Hey!” Blaine called out, because really, he hadn’t even been able to say anything. He threw another woodchip and Kurt opened the window just a crack. “I know you’re mad at me, just. Coffee? Please?” He made a pouting face and clasped his hands together in front of him. Kurt hesitated for far too long before he responded.

“Fine. Give me fifteen minutes.”

Blaine sat on the front porch while he waited for Kurt. It had gotten so late, the sun was already low in the sky. Blaine heard Kurt call out to Finn as he opened the door. “I don’t know if I’ll be back for dinner. Tell them not to wait for me.”

That was promising. Kurt’s face, however, was still kind of furious. The drive to the Lima Bean was silent, Boys of Summer on the radio, which Blaine thought was pretty inappropriate since it was cold enough to snow outside. Apparently, he still had the same problem as Rachel, because as he listened to the lyrics, trying to ignore the silence that fell between them, it wasn’t as inappropriate as he had thought. A voice inside my head said don't look back, you can never look back.

They pulled into the parking lot and Blaine killed the ignition, but made no move to get out of the car. “Kurt, please, at least tell me why you’re mad.”

Kurt had been twisting his scarf between his fingers. “I’m mad, because last night meant one of two things. One, you’re still the straight guy I thought you were, and last night was a horrible, drunken mistake that we’re all regretting right now, and our friendship is probably screwed. Or, two, you’ve been gay all along, and that kiss actually meant something. But, really, that option hurts me more, because that means that you’ve been lying to me for almost eight months. I thought we had the type of friendship where we could tell each other anything, especially that Blaine, and it hurts because I must be delusional in that regard. So yeah, either way, I’m thinking I lost my best friend last night.”

Kurt had let go of his scarf, his arms folded tightly across his chest, staring out the window. Blaine sighed, bracing himself on the steering wheel, wishing he hadn’t messed so much up. “Or, three. Your best friend is a bumbling idiot who has been trying to tell you for months now, but kept talking himself out of it. Every time he left you a courage note? It was more for him than you. Because, Kurt, you’re the bravest person I know. You are so much more together than I’ll ever be. I only went out with Rachel just to be sure I was, and I was going to tell you right after but … Karofsky …”

He lifted his head from the steering wheel to face Kurt, still not looking him in the eye, but instead talking to his shoulder. “And then, it had gone on too long. I didn’t know how to tell you, because I thought you’d freak out, and I guess I was kind of right.” Everything kept spilling out, Blaine talking faster with Kurt’s eyes on him. “I didn’t want to make things weird. Because I’d had myself convinced that even when I told you, you wouldn’t like me that way, and being your friend was better than being nothing at all.”

“Why did you think I wouldn’t be attracted to you?” Blaine finally looked at Kurt, and the corners of his mouth were turning up into the smallest smile possible.

“Because the only guy I know of that you were attracted to is Finn. No offense, I’m nothing like Finn. I’m short, and kind of scrawny, and can’t play any sports, and I have really awful hair –“

“Blaine,” Kurt broke him off, “I was attracted to Finn because he was nice to me. He wasn’t a jerk. That was it. I actually have very low standards when it comes to attraction.”

Blaine felt stupid now. “Oh,” was all he could manage in response. They sat in silence for a few moments, and Blaine must have guessed the temperature right, because tiny snowflakes began to fall from the sky.

Kurt cleared his throat. “For the record? You’re the nicest person I know.” Kurt reached out and placed his hand over Blaine’s, squeezing lightly.

Blaine couldn’t help but grin then. He squeezed back. “The feeling is mutual.”

---

Blaine had finally found enough strength within himself to tell Kurt, but that didn’t mean he was ready to tell his family. Blaine had told Rachel the whole story, of course, and Kurt had told Mercedes, but that was the extent of it. Blaine definitely wasn’t ready to tell his parents. He contemplated calling his brother, but they hadn’t been as close since the move. It was Kurt who finally came to the conclusion that they probably should keep it a secret at school.

“The only ones who gossip more than the students are the parents,” Kurt had pointed out one afternoon. “I mean, it’s probably for the best anyways. You get enough flack for being best friends with the token gay kid and your ex-girlfriend.”

Blaine involuntarily flinched at the mention. He had been playing it down to Kurt, because Kurt had it far, far worse than him, but ever since he broke up with Rachel and started walking Kurt to class, the snide comments and slushies had definitely multiplied, even though the general consensus was that he was still straight. He was actually surprised no one had made the connection beforehand, but he probably gave the students at McKinley too much credit.

“Kurt, I don’t want you to think – I mean, we’ve been through this before, I don’t want you to think I’m embarrassed to be seen with you.” They were sitting in Blaine’s Caprice in the mall parking lot. In the past two weeks, Blaine figured they’d sat in probably every parking lot in Lima talking, trying to figure things out. Eventually, they’d abandon trying to figure things out, once the sun started to set, and move to the back seat, lying together, just being close and sneaking kisses until they had to go to their separate houses for dinner. This was probably why they were still trying to figure things out two weeks later.

“Blaine,” Kurt said, sighing loudly, which was the signal that he’d had enough talking for the afternoon, “I knew I was gay when I was five years old. You knew in August. I’ve got ten and a half years on you. I don’t fault you for needing to take some time to tell people.”

Love Will Conquer all played quietly on the radio. Why is the world so unkind, we surely can find peace of mind. Blaine matched his sigh. “I don’t know, my parents keep bothering me to meet my new girlfriend, since I vehemently denied getting back together with Rachel. I tried to tell them we were rehearsing for Regionals, and there was no girlfriend … which, by the way, are we ever going to get around to doing that?”

Kurt just rolled his eyes. The song switched to Secret Lovers and Kurt squeaked. “Okay, change it, or I’m changing it, this is too cheesy for my liking.” He turned the dial and found static and commercials before settling on You Spin Me Right Round.

“I hate to break it to you,” Blaine started, “but hiding out in our cars in random parking lots probably qualifies as secret lovers.”

Kurt rolled his eyes again and added a scoff. “It’s not secret, it’s just … complicated. Plus, I’m not Rachel, I don’t need to sing about it.” He paused for another moment, gathering his words before continuing. “I think you need to ask yourself what you’d gain, anyways. I mean, sure, being who you are is great, but it’s not like we’ll be able to do the things you and Rachel used to. My dad is supportive, but I still don’t think he envisioned me having a boyfriend over, at least until I move out of this horrible place. I’ve never met your parents, but you must be worried about telling them for a reason.”

“I just know they’ll be disappointed. I don’t think they’ll go crazy and throw me out or anything. If my brother were still around, it’d be easier, I think, but it’s just me and them. We should probably get going,” Blaine said, glancing at the clock. “Maybe if we show up early one day they’ll drop it.”

---

Blaine probably would have enjoyed his spring break a lot more if he got to spend more time with Kurt. Kurt had agreed to work mornings at his dad’s shop, and a few of the afternoons were already taken up by family bonding time with Carole and Finn and shopping excursions with Mercedes. Thursday afternoon and night, however, were all his.

If it had been unusually cold in February, it was unusually warm in March. Kurt and Blaine were laying in the grass, Kurt on a blanket for fear of stains, the Walkman between them, playing Kurt’s mixtape. The volume was up loud enough for the headphones to sit in between them but quiet enough that the whole neighborhood didn’t hear. After sneaking around, it felt freeing to just be with Kurt even though they weren’t doing anything out of the ordinary.

Never Surrender faded out and Blaine reached for the Walkman to rewind the tape. Kurt stilled him and started to giggle nervously. “Oh, actually … there’s one more. But I’m not sure if it was supposed to be on there? I never asked because I didn’t want to make things awkward … you know, if you taped over something for Rachel …”

Blaine began to blush. He erased the Tiffany song, right? He had checked? Apparently not, because after a moment of dead air, the song picked up halfway through. Look at the way we gotta hide what we’re doing, and what would they say if they only knew?

“I mean, Rachel said she loved the song at the party, so I thought …” Kurt trailed off and looked awkwardly towards the sky. Blaine rolled over to face him.

“Kurt, I wanted to put it on there but …. I thought it would have been too forward, I guess. So I edited it out and apparently I didn’t do a very good job.” Kurt finally met his gaze. “You have no idea how hard it was trying to pick songs that didn’t say, ‘hey, I’m in love with you!’ Because, really, I had a lot of those.” Blaine grinned at Kurt, but Kurt wasn’t smiling back. He looked almost shocked.

Blaine replayed the last sentence in his head … oh. He just told his best friend that he had been dating secretly for five weeks that he was in love with him three months before they started dating. That wasn’t awkward or anything.

“Kurt, I …” Blaine stopped. He didn’t know how to recover from that. Lying on his stomach, he couldn’t stare at the sky, so he fixed his gaze on the blades of grass between his fingers.

“Blaine, I know you didn’t mean to say it now,” Kurt said, quietly and deliberately, finger under Blaine’s chin, tilting it back up, “but did you mean it?”

“Well … yeah.” Blaine tilted his head to the side, his smile coming back. “Yeah, I’m in love with you, Kurt Hummel, and it’s okay if you aren’t ready to say it back –“

“I love you, too,” Kurt breathed quickly, before attempting to pull Blaine closer by his shirt collar. Blaine let out a low chuckle before moving closer to Kurt, hovering over him a moment before leaning in to kiss him. He was supporting himself by his arms, on either side of Kurt’s head, but Kurt involuntarily grabbed his hips and pulled him closer, offsetting his balance and making Blaine collapse on top of him.

They had never been in this position before, car backseats too narrow and too afraid of getting caught. Kurt’s bangs had fallen with the humidity, and Blaine brushed them out of his face, staring into those eyes that got him in all this trouble.

“Sorry,” Kurt said quietly, his eyes closed and his cheeks starting to blush. “That was probably stupid; your parents will be home soon.”

“First of all,” Blaine started, using his best Kurt impression before switching back to his normal voice, “you should never apologize for this.” Blaine leaned down to kiss Kurt again, lightly, because Kurt did have a point. “Secondly, maybe I don’t care if they walk out here on us, it sure would solve that problem, huh?”

Kurt swatted at Blaine’s arm. “Okay, one – seriously, Blaine, all coming out experiences are not created equal and that’s just asking for trouble, and two,” Kurt checked the black and white Swatch that matched his outfit perfectly, “it’s after four-thirty, so unless you were planning on having me meet your parents today, we should relocate.”

Blaine groaned. He wished they didn’t have to go to so much trouble – why were they again? He rolled away and tossed Kurt his Walkman.

“I originally wanted to put I’m Your Man on there too,” Blaine teased as they walked around front to their cars. “That would have been way more awkward.”

---

It really was all Mr. Schuster’s fault. He had pulled Blaine and Rachel out of Chemistry ten minutes early to discuss Nationals song choices. How they’d won Regionals with six days of practice, Blaine still wasn’t quite sure, but they were going to Nationals in Chicago in three weeks. He kept glancing at the clock, and finally, the late bell to fourth period rang. Mr. Schuster walked Blaine to Algebra before taking Rachel to English Lit.

Blaine hoped Kurt and Mercedes had been fine during the break. He wasn’t sure why he was so neurotic about walking Kurt to every class. It probably had something to do with the guilt he felt that Kurt was being bullied basically for both of them at this point. Maybe it would be better if the whole school knew, maybe they’d focus their attention on Blaine more, having a new target, and Kurt would get a break for once. It didn’t help that Karofsky had been looking at Kurt funny for the past few weeks, and Blaine couldn’t shake the feeling that he wanted to get Kurt alone again.

He’d spent the whole class period without cracking open a book or writing down a single note. Blaine knew he’d pay for that tonight when he tried to do his homework, but he didn’t care. His Algebra class was on the other side of the school from the lunchroom, so when the bell rang, he walked to the lunchroom as fast as he could, expecting everyone to be there before him. Rachel, Tina, Mercedes … no Kurt.

Blaine tried to stay calm, knowing there were a multitude of possibilities. He greeted them and sat down. “Hey, Mercedes, Kurt was in History last period, right?”

She shook her head and the nagging in the back of Blaine’s head started to turn into full blown panic. “No, I was about to ask Rachel – I had to stay after third period to talk to Ms. Shea about my essay, and then Kurt wasn’t in History. I asked Mr. Lee and he said he sent Kurt to the nurse, but I checked on the way here and he signed himself out to go home.”

Blaine stood back up, knowing that if he skipped school his parents would hear about it, but he had to know. His parents would add it to the mental list of things he was doing wrong, the one they’d create when he would finally tell them he was gay. He could hear his father now, “We just don’t know who you are anymore, son.” Yeah, well.

“Blaine!” Now Rachel looked panicked as if she didn’t know what he was going to do.

He met her eye. “Look, if I’m not back for practice after school, cover for me? Please?” Blaine waited until she nodded, and then all but ran to the parking lot.

Kurt’s car was the only one in the driveway, but he skipped the doorbell, and went straight for his window. Only three woodchips had to ping off the window before Kurt opened the window, yelling at him. “Blaine! Go back to school, you’re going to get in trouble, and Mr. Schuster will kill you if you’re not at practice this afternoon!”

“Then I’ll go back for practice! I just needed to know you were okay.” He sighed, looking around the deserted street. If they didn’t stop yelling, he knew the old lady across the street would come out to stare at them. “Can I come in, please?”

That was obviously the wrong thing to say, because if looks could kill, Blaine would be so dead from the face Kurt made at him. Kurt slammed the window shut and Blaine walked over to the front door. Kurt was still angry when he opened the door, but he let Blaine in.

“I’m not some fragile little thing you have to go around protecting, Blaine,” Kurt snapped as he shut the door with more force than necessary. “I can take care of myself, you know, you didn’t have to come here to check up on me.”

“I … wait, what? Kurt, I never said that. I certainly don’t think that.” Blaine was confused. Kurt was angry at him? He wasn’t sure what he had done, but from the look on Kurt’s face, he was going to tell him.

“I did just fine before you decided that I was too delicate to walk the fucking halls by myself.” Blaine flinched at the curse; it wasn’t like Kurt to swear. “If anything, it wasn’t as bad because everything was spread out, day to day, instead of Karofsky storing up all his freak power to unleash on me the second I’m found alone.”

“Kurt, that wasn’t my intent and you know it!” Blaine didn’t mean to yell back, but his voice was raised and he could feel his face getting hot. “I just thought –“

“You thought what, Blaine? Actually, you know what? I don’t care what you thought. I don’t need you to think for me, you just worry about yourself, okay? Because you’re not so perfect either, Mr. I Can’t Even Tell My Parents I’m Gay.” Kurt’s face told Blaine he instantly regretted it the moment he said it, but he didn’t apologize and just crossed his arms tighter across his chest.

“I thought you were okay with me trying to figure this out!” He threw up his hands, exasperated, his voice getting louder. “You’re the one that said it was a better idea anyways!”

“Well, maybe telling you something’s okay and seeing it in action are two different things. I swear, Blaine, didn’t you learn anything from your fling with Rachel?”

“Why are you bringing Rachel into this? You know that meant nothing.” Blaine sighed. “Just tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it.”

“Right now?” Kurt started, walking towards the door. “Right now I want you to leave.”

“Kurt –“ Blaine started, but Kurt had already opened the door. “I don’t want to leave like this.”

“I just need to be alone right now,” Kurt replied, his voice steadying, almost emotionless. “Just go back to school so you don’t get in trouble. You can probably make it back before fifth period starts.”

It hit him as he started up his car; Kurt hadn’t even told Blaine what Karofsky had done.

---

Blaine hadn’t paid attention in any of his afternoon classes either, and he was definitely off by the time glee practice rolled around. They were so bad that Rachel actually suggested they go home and get some rest and practice twice as long on Friday. Everyone had been surprised by her suggestion, but Mr. Schuster agreed, and Rachel whispered to Blaine as she left. “Fix this before tomorrow, because I won’t lose Nationals over some petty fight.”

That was the Rachel he knew. She and Mercedes filed out with the rest of the group, Mercedes giving him a look that told him he better fix it, regardless of Nationals.

Mike and Tina held back, Mike looking unsure on whether they should say something. Tina finally walked over, dragging Mike behind.

“Hey. I know Kurt’s not here today, so we didn’t know if you needed someone to talk to.” Tina gave him a hopeful smile.

“Yeah, man, are you and Rachel gonna have trouble performing? You know, since she’s back with Finn?” Mike asked awkwardly, shoving his hands in his pockets.

He sure missed a lot at lunch. “I … I didn’t even know they were back together.” Blaine was staring off at the door, almost wondering if Kurt would walk in, though he knew he wouldn’t.

Mike and Tina exchanged a look before sitting down in the chairs next to him. “So, this is something else?” Tina guessed.

Blaine turned to face Tina, Mike sitting on the other side of her. They both looked so worried – he wasn’t used to people being worried about him, he was usually the one doing the worrying. Well, he figured this could be a start.

“I’m surprised you didn’t guess, Tina, you’re the only one out of our lunch group that doesn’t know,” he said, amending when he saw her confused face. “I mean, it’s not that we didn’t want you to know, it’s just – you kind of gossip a lot.”

Tina smiled and laughed at that. “Yeah, I guess I do. No hard feelings.”

Mike and Tina would be the most understanding out of the glee kids, right? Blaine always figured he and Mike would have been better friends if he didn’t spend all of his time chasing after Kurt. “So, Kurt and I … have been dating.”

Mike’s jaw dropped and Tina instinctively covered his mouth with her hand before she spoke. “I really thought you were straight, Blaine.”

“Yeah, you and everyone else. If you guys are this surprised, and you know me better than most people … Kurt’s mad I haven’t told anybody. And I don’t care if people know we’re dating, I really don’t, it’s just … so complicated, you know? Like, my parents?” Blaine was rambling now, so he stopped and buried his head in his hands. Tina patted him on the back.

“Well, it wasn’t so bad telling us, was it?”

He looked up, and Tina was smiling at him. She had a point. Mike was smiling too, so he hadn’t mortally offended him by telling him he was gay.

“Thanks guys. I guess I just need to figure it out in my own head, you know?”

After sitting in silence for a few minutes, they got up to leave. “Let us know if you need anything, okay?” Mike said, trying to be helpful.

“Yeah, I promise not to tell anyone. I mean, you could have told me, you know, I do have boundaries.”

Blaine returned their smiles and thanked them again. The door to the choir room closed and he was finally all alone with his thoughts.

---

It was after five by the time he was walking out to his car. He had borrowed the extra guitar from the choir room and hoped no one would miss it before he returned it in the morning. He only knew one song on the guitar, an Elvis song Brian had taught him. Blaine’s mom was a huge Elvis fan and he had learned it for her fortieth birthday a few years back. He was surprised he even remembered it at all, but after a bit of practice, it all came easily to him.

The streets were busy now, not deserted like earlier when he was at Kurt’s house. People were coming home from work, school practices, and the cranky old woman was already out on her patio. Finn was already home, but not Kurt’s parents.

It took thirteen wood chips before Kurt cracked the window. “Blaine, I’m really sorry – “ Kurt started, looking like the past few hours had been just as bad for him as it had for Blaine.

“Shhhh,” Blaine said, holding a finger to his lips before playing a few chords to get in the rhythm. Wise men say only fools rush in, but I can't help falling in love with you. Shall I stay? Would it be a sin if I can't help falling in love with you?

Finn must have heard, because he came out the front door to see what was going on. Like a river flows surely to the sea, darling so it goes, some things are meant to be. He thought he saw a grin start to form on Finn’s face, but he couldn’t tear his gaze away from Kurt long enough to decide for sure.

Kurt opened the window all the way, smiling the biggest smile Blaine had possibly ever seen. Blaine heard a car pull up in the driveway and kept going, figuring it was a parental figure, but as he listened closer, he heard the kind of stupidity that could only be found in one group of people. McKinley football players – probably to pick up Finn. Kurt saw them too, and whispered to Blaine to stop.

Blaine just kept going, however, he had to finish his song. What did he care now anyways? They’d already seen him. As he finished, he felt something cold, wet, and sticky sweet assault his face and his first thought was to the guitar, pleased he chose the backup. Kurt ran from the window at that point.

“Hello, boys,” Blaine said. There were four of them, and he saw Finn running out behind them.

“Dude, what the hell?” Finn shouted.

“I always knew there was something up with that kid. Finnster, you totally owe me another drink,” Azimio said, fist bumping some tall blonde kid Blaine didn’t now.

“No way, dude, you were stupid enough to waste it. Don’t do shit like that here, man!” Finn shouted at him and Blaine couldn’t really believe what he was hearing. “I can’t tell you what to do at school, but leave Blaine and Kurt alone here, or don’t come around.”

All six boys stared at Finn for a while before he walked over to Azimo’s car. “Alright guys, come on.” The other four filed behind him, and Kurt rushed over to Finn.

“What just happened?” Blaine asked, still confused.

“I wasn’t going to tell you, but Rachel told Finn today. As you can see, he’s been decent about it.” Kurt wiped at Blaine’s face with a paper towel. “Come in so we can get you cleaned up.”

“I really did miss a lot at lunch today,” Blaine murmured as they headed inside. Kurt took the guitar from him and set it on the porch to be cleaned up later.

“I heard you had more important things to take care of,” Kurt said softly. He took Blaine’s hand and led him to the kitchen, running the faucet to get rid of the syrup that was beginning to dry. “I didn’t know you played the guitar,” he said as he wiped a wet towel at Blaine’s neck.

“I only know the one song. Still appropriate though.” Blaine tore off a sheet of paper towel himself, running it under the water and wiping his forehead with it. “I meant the sentiments behind it, you know. I’m turning into a regular Rachel Berry up in here.”

“Oh, god,” Kurt said, blotting at his shirt. “Please don’t ever make that reference again.”

Blaine laughed and they stood in silence, using way too many paper towels to get rid of the red dye. “You know, a shower probably would have been more appropriate.”

Kurt just shrugged and continued pressing paper towels into his clothes and skin. “Maybe I’ll let you once you’re not dripping all over the carpet.” Kurt paused to kiss Blaine at that point, and it took all the strength he had to not pull Kurt against him (that, and, he had already made Kurt angry once today, unnecessary red dye on his clothes might tip him over the edge).

“I didn’t need all that, you know. I would have been fine with something much more subdued.”

Blaine wiped at Kurt’s nose where there was a spot of syrup left over from their kiss. “I honestly didn’t expect half of the football team to roll up. It accomplished the goal though, I’m sure everyone will know by homeroom tomorrow.”

Kurt began to collect the errant paper towels and carried them to the trash can. “You’re okay with that?”

“Of course,” Blaine said, his turn to kiss Kurt, trying very hard not to get any more dye on him. “You know what they say, go big or go home.”

Kurt wiped at his own nose this time. “You’re lucky that’s one of the reasons why I love you.” Kurt kissed him again, before breathing, “Ahh, screw it,” and pulling him close.

Blaine laughed and when Kurt questioned it, he responded, “You just ruined clothes for me.”

“Some things,” Kurt said, his eyes sparkling, “are more important than clothes. Very few things, but I have exceptions.”

It was in that moment, Blaine knew everything would be okay.

---

Blaine holds Kurt’s hand as they watch their daughter cross the street. She turns when she reaches the other side and rolls her eyes at them, before disappearing into the masses entering McKinley High.

“Do you think we did the right thing? Moving back from Chicago?” Kurt asks when they can no longer see Elizabeth’s bright red hair gleaming back at them.

It’s the only time since they had first discussed it that Kurt expresses reservations. He’s never had any doubts about moving back to Lima to live with his father after Carole’s death. It’s as if being here, so close to McKinley, brings back all the wrong that had gone on when they walked those halls.

Blaine lifts Kurt’s hand to his face and kisses the back of it. “I don’t know,” Blaine says quietly, turning to face him, “but it worked out okay for me.”

children, behave (a soundtrack)

hungry like the wolf - duran duran
love is a battlefield - pat benetar
don't you want me - the human league
river deep, mountain high - tina turner
holiday - madonna
we built this city - jefferson starship
take me home tonight - eddie money
sunglasses at night - cory hart
i think we're alone now - tiffany
take on me - ah ha
true - spandau ballet
boys of summer - don henly
here we are - lionel richie
secret lovers - midnight star
you spin me right round - dead or alive
can't help falling in love - elvis

watch how you play (a mixtape)

rio - duran duran
small town - john mellencamp
you belong to the city - glenn frey
don't you forget about me - simple minds
everybody wants to rule the world - tears for fears
nothing's gonna stop us - starship
puttin' on the ritz - taco
never surrender - cory hart

deleted tracks
i'm your man - wham
i think we're alone now - tiffany