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Kurt Hummel was okay with being the only gay kid in Lima. He’d survived ten years of teasing (that then morphed into bullying). He only had to survive two more years before he could go off to college in a big city and attempt to lead the normal life he dreamed of. He started meeting with Ms. Pillsbury last year, researching scholarships and what he had to do to get them, creating his own plan to get out of Lima.
Kurt Hummel was okay with being the only gay kid in Lima because he’d grown up with everyone, and really, once you’ve seen how gross boys can be in middle school, it kind of taints your image of them. Finn had been a slip up, because he’d never really had any interaction with Finn until high school, a rarity since they had gone to the same schools all along. He was fine with waiting to date until he had a much larger pool of guys to deal with.
Kurt was okay with all of this, but it didn’t prepare him for what he saw in the school office that day, a week before school started. Rachel had dragged him and Mercedes along to inspect the choir room, and they’d only agreed because they’d seen every movie out and had exhausted their shopping budget for the week.
So, he was caught off guard when they saw the new kid sitting there, to say the least. Sure, he was kind of short, but he was stocky, and his hair was in limbo in the sense that he either needed to use more product or let it fly free. Still, Kurt couldn’t deny his initial attraction.
It certainly didn’t help that the whole walk to the choir room the kid, Blaine, was talking to Rachel, but stealing glances at Kurt. Kurt wasn’t sure if it was flirting or morbid curiosity, but it was nice regardless.
Kurt tried to tell himself that he was making it all up in his head, that Blaine was glancing at Mercedes and Rachel just as much as him during his rendition of Hungry Like The Wolf, but he had counted, and really, you can’t argue with numbers.
---
Kurt was sure Blaine was straight, but that didn’t stop him and Mercedes from creating a list the first month of school anyways. Conversation with Mike about football? Straight column. Discussed the works of Andrew Lloyd Webber with Rachel? Gay column. Doesn’t know how to style his hair? Straight column. Keeps trying to get to know Kurt?
That one tipped the scales and Kurt wasn’t quite sure where to put that. Mercedes’ first instinct was gay, of course, but what if he was just defying the odds and wanting to be Kurt’s friend? Kurt had never had a straight male friend before. Finn didn’t count because he was his stepbrother now, after his dad had married Carole over the summer.
They only had glee club and French class together, but Blaine sat near him in both. Not hovering, just close. One empty seat between them in glee, kitty corner in French, making small talk before each class started.
He only discussed it with Mercedes because he knew Rachel had her eye on Blaine from day one. He didn’t need a repeat Finn fiasco – he had matured, and honestly, given up hope. So when Rachel started publicly arguing with Finn before practice, he decided he should try and see where Blaine stood.
“What happened?” Blaine was leaning over the empty chair, and Kurt’s first instinct was to lean over to meet him. Their faces were so close that Kurt almost thought it was a bad idea.
The poor boy was clueless, gay or straight, asking if it was Puck after he filled him in on last year’s drama. Kurt couldn’t quite read his face when he informed Blaine that it was him – almost an ah-ha moment. He watched Blaine move back to his own seat to stare at the fight. The boy kind of looked scared out of his mind. This had to be a plus.
Kurt finally asked if Blaine even liked her, all the while picking at his cuticles, which he hated to do. It was a nervous habit that he couldn’t quite break.
Looking confused as ever, Blaine turned to him. “I really don’t know.” Before Kurt could respond, Mr. Schuster walked in, breaking up the fight, and allowing Rachel to sing about her feelings, yet again.
Throughout Love Is A Battlefield, he could see Blaine tensing up, almost to the point where Kurt felt bad for him. Rachel was singing so intensely, and Blaine looked so terrified, when she was done, he had to hide back his laugh.
“Good luck, tiger,” he told Blaine before Mr. Schuster moved on, one teeny laugh escaping his lips. If he was scared now, he didn’t know what he was in store for.
---
When Blaine had approached their lunch table the next day, Kurt was surprised, because he really didn’t think he had it in him. When he sat down next to Kurt instead of Rachel, Mercedes had winked at him. Kurt just tried to ignore it and not freak out.
Blaine sat with them for two weeks, still being a contradiction. He talked to everyone, not talking to Rachel more, but on the other hand – not talking to Kurt more. Kurt learned a lot about Blaine, how he missed Chicago and his older brother Paul, how his favorite color was red, how he was addicted to caffeine.
Rachel apparently decided that Blaine was taking too long to ask her out, because one Friday, Rachel revealed she had done a little meddling.
“I have the perfect plan. If Blaine doesn’t ask me out after this …” She trailed off, wiggling her eyebrows, and Kurt was just about to ask for details, when Blaine walked up.
Rachel had on her excited face when he sat down, the one Kurt had only seen during the best of Broadway solos. She told them about the duets assignment, and when Rachel asked to be Blaine’s partner, he had practically choked on his drink. Kurt kicking him under the table probably didn’t help. He kept his eyes on Mercedes, who was making faces as Rachel asked Blaine to practice at her house, and Kurt bit the inside of his lip to keep from laughing.
Kurt wasn’t really excited about the prospect of duets – this always posed such a problem for him. His choices were kind of limited. They didn’t have an even number anymore, not since Sam had joined, so someone was going to have to do double duty. His original choice would have been Blaine, of course, but he didn’t want to deal with Rachel’s drama and he knew he couldn’t have a repeat of Finn last year. Rachel wasn’t stupid; she would read into it that way. Sam did seem decent, maybe he could ask him?
He ran the idea by the group, knowing what their response would probably be. What he didn’t expect was Mercedes turning on him, saying there weren’t even a ton of duets for guys, and even more shocking, that Blaine disagreed with her. He’d never felt so many emotions in one lunch period, priding himself on not showing how he felt most of the time.
It didn’t stop him from turning to Blaine as he got up to throw away his trash and thanking him. No one ever did that, considered his point of view and stood up for him. Even if Blaine wasn’t shaping up to be gay, it wouldn’t be so bad to have a good friend in his corner, would it?
He watched Rachel and Blaine walk out of the lunchroom hand in hand. They did seem like a good match, much better than Rachel and Finn had been. He figured resolving to be happy for them was a much better idea than scheming to screw it up.
Blaine turned around as they reached the doorway and Kurt realized he had been staring. Blaine didn’t seem to notice though, nodding at him as Kurt waved goodbye.
---
Finn had talked Kurt out of even asking Sam after dinner that night, so someone must have filled him in on Kurt’s plan. Lots of talk about Sam being new and needing to fit in and what kind of message would that send anyways? This is how Kurt ended up at Mercedes’ house on Saturday night, moping into a bowl of ice cream while she rummaged through her cassettes looking for an appropriate duet. She had already agreed to a duet with Santana, but like Kurt had already realized, someone was going to have to double up.
He should be helping her, but moping and ice cream felt better. Kurt wasn’t sure if he was mad that Finn was still being a jerk about everything (at home, he had no problems with Kurt but he wasn’t very apt to have those newfound feelings transfer over to school), the fact that he was singing with Mercedes yet again (which he loved doing, but it was so predictable), the fact that he wasn’t going to get to sing with Sam (because how nice would it be to sing a duet with a boy for once) – but he had a sinking suspicion that he was really angry at the fact that Blaine was over at Rachel’s house, probably laughing and joking and singing with her.
He’d been fine with it yesterday, even happy for them. He wasn’t sure if Rachel deserved to be happy, but Blaine certainly did (okay, that was the ice cream talking). His fight with Finn, however, got him wondering what he had even seen in the boy, especially when there were people out there like Blaine who made him feel like his opinions had worth, no matter how crazy.
Kurt had been fine with waiting until college, or even after, to find someone to love, someone who would love him back – but he’d really believed Blaine had been different.
That wasn’t fair. Blaine was different. He was actually interested in what Kurt had to say. Blaine was inherently a good listener, and Kurt had a sneaking suspicion he was paying more attention to his Vogue rants at lunch than anyone else at the table, including Mercedes.
He needed to be mature about this. He wanted to make this work – being Blaine’s friend, even if it meant ignoring the fact that he was with Rachel.
“Okay, I’m over it,” Kurt said, sitting the empty bowl on Mercedes’ nightstand. “What did you pick for us?”
---
Kurt was pretty sure he and Blaine were the only ones who didn’t vote for themselves in the Breadstix duet competition – at least by their own free will. Kurt had highly suggested that he and Mercedes both vote for Rachel and Blaine, almost as if he wanted to prove to her he was over the whole thing. Mercedes only agreed because she had sung with both Kurt and Santana – and while she would have voted for Kurt, obviously, there was no way they would win with Kurt voting otherwise.
When Mr. Schuster was tallying up the votes, every pair had two votes, except for Mercedes and Santana, who only had Santana’s, Rachel and Blaine, who had three, and Kurt and Mercedes, who had one. One that Kurt had to assume was Blaine’s, since it was obvious he didn’t vote for himself. When Rachel and Blaine went up to accept their gift certificate, Rachel was excited and hugging Blaine and curtseying as the group clapped. Kurt figured his was the only sincere applause in the bunch. Blaine met Kurt’s eye, raising his eyebrows and nodding a little in thanks. Kurt gave a brief nod back as he smiled.
He’d taken his time in leaving his last class for the day, hoping by the time he got to his locker all of the football players would be at practice and he could drop off his books before walking the few miles home to a blissful and homework free weekend. He hated when he didn’t have his car – he’d only had it since last year, but being without it certainly limited what he was able to do. He had a black ’84 AMC CJ7, and prided himself in taking impeccable care of it. Which was why he didn’t have it – his dad was doing a quick tune up on the transmission. At least the weather was nice and mild and the sun was out, making for a nice walk home.
He hadn’t waited long enough, however, since Karofsky and Azimio walked by, name calling and body checking as usual, and to make matters worse – Blaine was there.
Blaine being there made no sense. His locker was clear across the school. It caught Kurt off guard, and Blaine’s nonchalant attitude when Kurt asked about Rachel and subsequent offer of a ride took Kurt even more by surprise.
Kurt tried to pull it together. He hadn’t been this flustered around Blaine since the first day they met, when Blaine was stealing glances at him while he sang Hungry Like The Wolf. Even though he knew he’d told Mercedes he was over it, he still knew he’d call her the second he got home so they could dissect every moment of the afternoon. There was so much to add to the formerly defunct list. Blaine actually told him that he loved The Sound of Music.
Those plans were thwarted when Blaine asked him to grab some coffee. Kurt didn’t particularly care for coffee, but he wasn’t stupid enough to say so and pass up an opportunity to spend more time with Blaine.
---
“Kurt, you don’t even like coffee,” Mercedes protested, her voice coming through a little scratchy. Kurt pulled the phone onto the bed so the cord didn’t stretch as far.
“I acquired a taste after the third cup; it grows on you.” Kurt tried to resist twirling the phone cord in his hand, but he was kind of giddy, hyped up on caffeine and just being with Blaine, and he had to keep his hands busy.
“Three cups? How long were you there?”
“It was actually four, and we were there over two hours? I was home for dinner at six.”
Mercedes squeaked on the other end, and Mercedes was not one to squeak unnecessarily. “So, let me get this straight. Blaine walks out of his way to ask you if you need a ride home, drives his girlfriend home and drops her off, and then proceeds to spend two hours in a coffee shop with you.”
Kurt tried to contain his happy sigh, but it didn’t quite work that way. “Yeah, pretty much.”
Mercedes squealed again. “Kurt, you know I’m usually pretty pessimistic about this stuff but –“
“No, stop,” Kurt said, cutting her off. “For now, it’s just friends, okay?”
“Kurt, why?” Kurt could picture Mercedes’ face right now, scrunched up and confused.
“Because. Lots of reasons. One, he’s dating Rachel and we’ve just finally gotten to the point where we almost kind of like each other.” Mercedes laughed at that. “Two, even if he is gay or interested or whatever – he’s dating Rachel, who as far as I know is a girl. This means he’s either one hundred percent straight or totally uncomfortable with the idea of not being one hundred percent straight. Three – I could really use some good friends other than you, Mercedes.”
His mind flashed back to the end of their conversation, talk of bullies and bravery and Kurt was just so relieved to have someone to talk to about it. The girls got sick of his complaints and stories last year, since they protested that they had it almost as bad. Almost being the key word – Kurt was pretty sure there was a much bigger gap than almost. He wasn’t complaining; it was just nice to talk to someone about it.
Mercedes fell silent on the other end. “Oh, come on, don’t try to tell me that Quinn doesn’t still come over for dinner a few Fridays a month, I know you two are closer than you let on. Plus, you have that whole extended family thing going, cousins and nieces and all kinds of built in friends. You and Tina are closer than Tina and I are. Let’s be honest, I have you, and maybe Finn if we’re at home and he’s not worried about other people seeing he’s having a good time hanging out with me.”
“Alright, boy – friends. I just hope you know what you’re doing.”
In other words, she hoped he was telling the truth and she wasn’t going to have to pick up the pieces when his heart was shattered. Back when they were constantly revising the list, Kurt had let it slip that his crush on Blaine was more substantial than his crush on Finn had been, and he knew Mercedes had filed it away in the back of her head despite the damage control he’d tried to do.
“Of course I do. It probably helps that they happen to make a decently attractive couple. I think being with Blaine improves Rachel’s attractiveness.”
Mercedes burst out laughing. “Okay, now you’re crazy. I think they’re too similar for each other. Dark hair, tan skin, short, over the top performance personalities. Just like Sam and Quinn. The Blonde and the Beautiful.” Kurt could practically hear the shudder over the phone. “People should learn to date outside their comfort zone.”
“Preaching to the choir, beautiful. Unfortunately, even though dating practices have come a long way in the last twenty-five years, I’m pretty sure boys dating boys is so far out of people’s comfort zones, it’s a whole different zip code.”
Maybe if he kept saying it, it would eventually be true. It would all make sense. Kurt would be lying if he said he didn’t have a continuation of the list going in the back of his head – the little nagging of what if. Kurt just hoped it would go away soon – because he also knew that everything he told Mercedes was true.
And if that didn’t work – at least he would attempt to keep his crazy thoughts inside his head this time.
---
The nagging certainly didn’t diminish when he found Blaine’s note of courage just before lunch on Monday. Then Blaine asked him if he was free for coffee again Friday night, and the nagging turned into full blown speculation by the time he was at home in his bed.
Their conversation had flowed easily, just like before, talking about past glee performances in each of their clubs, and finally switching to embarrassing stories, in which Kurt told Blaine the whole story of Finn. He wasn’t quite sure what came over him when he was around Blaine, but the way Blaine listened and responded accordingly made Kurt want to tell him anything and everything. Like it all meant something, his crazy messed up life.
When his mind got the better of him, wandering too far down the path of insanity, he tried to remind himself that Blaine was still dating Rachel, which he knew thanks to her lovely recaps Monday morning in homeroom and declarations through song in glee. Kurt and Blaine almost never talked about Rachel on their coffee dates, and if they did, it was just in passing, if she related to whatever story they were telling. Kurt couldn’t help but remember the last time he asked how things were going and Blaine’s response – “They’re going.” It just all wasn’t adding up for Kurt, because when Rachel was around, he was the perfect boyfriend, but when he was with Kurt – well, Kurt couldn’t help but feel he was the only one that mattered then.
A few Fridays later, Kurt was putting on his coat and scarf to go meet Blaine – their coffee visits kept lasting longer and longer, finally pushing curfew last week – when Finn stopped him.
“Kurt, am I a bad boyfriend?”
Kurt eyed him suspiciously. “I don’t know. I’ve never dated you.”
Finn groaned. “I’m serious, dude! I … I really screwed up with Rachel, didn’t I?”
Kurt sighed and put his coat back on the rack, gesturing to the couch. “Finn, what are you talking about?”
Finn sat down and rested his head in his hands. “I don’t know, man, I’m just – Blaine is a way better boyfriend then me – probably, right?”
When Kurt didn’t answer, Finn continued. “I mean, he totally sits with you guys at lunch. He changed his lunch table! I would have never done that. And like, he holds Rachel’s hand, and tells her she looks nice, and she looks at him like he’s the most perfect thing ever. Which, he probably is.”
Kurt had to stop himself from mentally running through other reasons why Blaine would be a wonderful boyfriend. “He is very attentive, and I know that wasn’t a strong point for you.”
“That’s what I mean! He like … doesn’t care what anyone else thinks, he just does what he thinks is right.” Finn sighed again.
“That’s pretty deep, Finn.”
“I’ve been thinking about it. A lot. A lot. ”
They sat in silence for a few moments. “Well – you can always look at it as a learning experience. Use what you see to be a better boyfriend next time.”
“Do you think I still have a chance with Rachel? At all? She’s in love with him, right?”
“Honestly?” Finn looked at him with the saddest expression Kurt had ever seen on his face and Kurt really wondered what had brought all this on. “You know Rachel as well as I do … but if I had to guess, I would say she’s more into Blaine than Blaine is into her. All the stuff Blaine is doing – I don’t think it’s for Rachel, I think that’s just how he is with whomever he dates.” Which was a very unbiased opinion, Kurt was sure of.
“Really?” Finn asked, smiling a little.
“Sure. I mean, who knows, it’s just my opinion, you know how over the top Rachel can get – so I might be way off base. Just – don’t do anything stupid, okay? If he’s not in love with her like I think, something will have to give. Just be patient.” Patient. Kurt had enough practice in patience this semester to make him an expert.
“Wow, thanks bro.” Finn clapped his hand against Kurt’s back before Kurt walked over to the door to grab his coat and scarf. “Have fun with Mercedes.”
Kurt didn’t correct him.
---
In hindsight, he probably should have, because it would have made his next lengthy Friday conversation with Finn a whole lot easier.
“Dude, were you with Blaine last Friday? I thought you went to Mercedes’.” Finn barged through Kurt’s bedroom door, whispering harshly.
“One, you could knock,” Kurt replied, his tone cold. “Two, not that it’s any of your business, but yes, I was. We were working on our French homework.”
Finn looked puzzled. “Samantha did say you had your French books out.” Kurt was thankful they had decided at the last minute to complete their study guides together that night.
Kurt raised an eyebrow. “Samantha? The Cheerio? What does she have to do with this?”
“She saw you last week and told all of the Cheerios. Santana told Puck and now the whole football team knows.”
Kurt was getting kind of furious at the McKinley gossip mill. “I still don’t understand why this is anyone’s business, Finn.”
“I know the week before you said you were going to Mercedes’ too, but Quinn said she was there for dinner and you weren’t. I’m just trying to figure out if the reason why Blaine isn’t as in to Rachel as he should be is because he’s in to you.”
Kurt got off his bed to stand nose to nose with Finn – well, not really, because despite the inches he grew over the summer, Finn still towered over him. He was sure he was blushing ferociously but his voice didn’t waver. “You listen here, Finn. What I do with my free time – or Blaine does with his for that matter – is none of your concern. Maybe I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d jump to conclusions.”
“I know how you get, Kurt.”
Oh, no he did not. “And how is that, Finn? Because you know what? As far as I know, Blaine isn’t gay and I don’t expect him to magically become gay. I consider Blaine a friend – yeah, that’s right, I do have friends, Finn, I know it’s hard to believe, but I do, and it would be lovely if you could stop perpetuating the gossip so I could actually continue being his friend.”
“Are you going to see him again tonight?”
“Yes, I am, and again – what does it matter?”
They stood staring at each other, waiting for the other to back down, and finally, the phone rang, making Kurt flinch.
“Kurt, it’s for you,” Carole called up the stairs.
He gave Finn one last evil glance before picking up the phone. “Hello?”
“Hey, it’s Blaine.”
Blaine sounded terrible. His voice was low and scratchy and he just sounded drained.
“Are you alright? You sound awful. Was dinner that bad?” Kurt joked, knowing he had plans to have dinner with Rachel and her dad and uncle.
Blaine laughed weakly on the other line. “I didn’t even get to dinner, I got sick.”
“Oh. I’m … sorry to hear that,” Kurt said softly. What was Finn still doing in the room? “Are you – are you going to be okay?”
“Yeah, I think it’s just … the flu.” Blaine didn’t sound very convincing, but he still sounded horrible, so Kurt let it slide. “I’m sorry to cancel on you tonight.”
“Are you kidding? Don’t worry about it. Just get yourself better, okay?” He almost added ‘let me know if you need anything’ before hanging up, but that would be too much ammo for Finn. And probably not entirely appropriate.
He set the phone in the cradle and turned to Finn. “Out,” he said in the bitchiest tone he could muster.
---
Luckily, the ‘is Blaine gay because he hangs out with Kurt’ rumor never got around because the rumor of what happened on Friday at the Berry residence was much more exciting. By the time Blaine came back to school on Thursday, the consensus was that he was rushed to the hospital and almost died, the cause tended to vary depending on who you were talking to.
When Kurt saw Blaine in French class on Thursday, he certainly looked like a dead man walking. He looked like he hadn’t had any sleep the whole time he’d been out and just seemed distracted overall.
“Hey,” Blaine said when he saw Kurt, sounding almost as weak as he had on the phone.
“Hey. Did you hear? You died on Friday and Mr. Berry had to resuscitate you, bringing you miraculously back to life.” Kurt laughed as he sat down.
“I’m a walking miracle,” Blaine said, smiling back, but the smile didn’t quite meet his eyes.
“Hey, seriously – are you okay? That didn’t actually happen, right?”
“I’m fine, just not one hundred percent normal yet.”
“Blaine, I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think you ever were one hundred percent normal.” Kurt laughed a little, expecting Blaine to join in, but Blaine just looked pensive. “Blaine, I was kidding.”
Blaine opened his mouth to say something, but the bell rang, cutting him off, and he turned forward before he could say what he wanted to say.
---
Kurt hadn’t pushed for coffee the next day, but Blaine insisted, and Kurt was glad for it. It had been a week since his confrontation with Finn, and with no contact with Blaine other than two French classes (Blaine had been making up assignments during lunch) – his mind was going crazy. To the point where he’d convinced himself that Blaine didn’t want people to know they were having coffee. Because Kurt had his reasoning for not telling Finn, but why hadn’t Blaine told anyone?
Of course when he confronted Blaine, that hadn’t been the case at all – Kurt had just worked it all up in his head, like usual. Blaine had called him pretty amazing, which made his heart flutter even though his brain was telling it to shut up. That, followed by the statement that he was probably going to break up with Rachel because he had never been attracted to her (probably that sameness thing Mercedes was talking about – not because he was gay).
He learned more about Blaine that night than in the whole four months he’d known him, which certainly wasn’t helping his heart flutter problem. Mercedes was right – he was in trouble.
---
Kurt found it a little strange that he was chosen for post-breakup coffee chat with Blaine that Monday, and even stranger that Blaine and Rachel seemed to be … closer? Rachel normally wouldn’t have put up with the love of her life (her words, not Kurt’s) dumping her, but she was cheery and joked with Blaine about the lunchroom salads that day.
Blaine was so perfect as a boyfriend, he even broke up with people the right way. It wasn’t fair.
Kurt was at his locker listening to his walkman that afternoon, switching out his books before he drove home for a quick Friday night dinner, and then to the Lima Bean to meet Blaine. In time it could have been so much more; the time has nothing to show because time won't give me time. He was humming along to Boy George’s Time, not paying attention to what was going on around him, which was never a good thing at McKinley.
He didn’t even see Karofsky coming, but he felt the shove and saw his walkman go flying through the air, landing on the linoleum with a satisfying crack, splitting in two.
That’s when he lost it. The walkman was old, sure, but it had been his mom’s. Courage. He followed Karofsky, screaming at him, waiting for him to lose it back, not even caring that he was probably going to break a bone or gain a black eye.
But then … Karofsky lost it in a different way which sent Kurt running from the locker room. He couldn’t gather up his bag and get to his car fast enough. He was able to make it all the way home and to his shower, the hot water practically burning his skin, before breaking down.
Kurt hadn’t expected Blaine to show up when he didn’t arrive at the Lima Bean. He also hadn’t expected Blaine to pull him close while he cried; hugging him and rocking back and forth, and he certainly hadn’t expected his heart to do its familiar tap dance. How screwed up was he, he’d been forcibly kissed by a sorry excuse for a football player, and all he wanted was his friend – his very straight friend – to kiss him again and make it all better.
After Blaine left that night, Kurt came to the realization that he couldn’t keep doing this. Blaine was his friend now, one of his best friends, and he couldn’t bear to lose that just because he couldn’t keep his hormones under control. Every item on the gay side of the list could be explained away – Kurt needed to grow up and move on, just like he had told Mercedes he had done months ago. Only this time, for real.
---
Kurt probably should have been offended that Blaine insisted on walking him to all of his classes the rest of the week, but he was too tired from his emotional breakdown and stressed about midterms to even care. He was ready to have two weeks off without worrying about the place. If Kurt was still reading into things, he probably would have taken it as some sort of sign, Blaine worrying about his wellbeing – but since he wasn’t doing that anymore, he took the gesture at face value – a friend looking out for a friend.
He was kind of blown away at Blaine’s generosity during their gift exchange. He had picked up the t-shirt with Mercedes a while back, before his final realization that he was Blaine’s friend now, nothing more, and he was worried it was too personal as an afterthought. But Blaine finding time – and money – in the past three days to go out and replace his walkman – he wasn’t joking when he said it was one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for him. He figured he’d use the extra money he made at the shop over break to replace it in January. He hadn’t told his dad or Carole, because they would wonder what happened to his old one – and that was a story he wasn’t ready to tell, aside from Mercedes and Blaine.
He was curious about the mixtape, trying to quiet the nagging in his head. He kept telling himself that Mercedes had a crush on him last year, and now they were best friends – so it had to be something he could get over. Blaine had called Kurt his best friend – he couldn’t mess that up.
He first listened to the tape, holed up in his room, wrapping Christmas presents. It was a good mix of friendly stuff, stuff that must have reminded Blaine of Kurt, and Blaine did have varied musical tastes. The tape came to an end, but Kurt’s hands were full of wrapping paper and tape, so he let the tape run into the blank silence.
He was just about to hit rewind when he heard it … Look at the way we got to hide what we’re doing, cause what would they say? If they ever knew … and so we’re running just as fast as we can.
Kurt could feel his cheeks start to blush. This song was obviously not meant for him. Blaine had said he hadn’t made any mixtapes for Rachel, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t tried. He had tried to date her when he wasn’t attracted to her, after all. Though, it didn’t seem entirely appropriate for her either … maybe Rachel was a closet Tiffany fan.
He quickly pushed the rewind button, vowing to never let the tape run long again.
---
Kurt had done it.
By the middle of January, Kurt could honestly say he had the crush thing under control. His mind didn’t race when Blaine said something ridiculously adorable; his heart didn’t flutter when Blaine touched his arm playfully. The two Blaine-free weeks for the holidays helped, reminding Kurt that he did exist fairly normally before he’d met him.
Not that he didn’t have thoughts sometimes. He didn’t know if he could stop that all together. He just realized that it was no different than dreaming about a future with Anthony Michael Hall (maybe not quite that dramatic, he did actually know Blaine, but still).
The day he’d realized it, they’d both been slushied in the hall between third and fourth period. They’d rushed to the bathroom, trying to get cleaned up before the late bell rang. Kurt emerged from a stall with a new shirt on, asking Blaine if he had missed any spots.
Blaine had walked over with a wet paper towel. “Here,” he said quietly, wiping at Kurt’s cheek. Blaine’s fingertips lingered for a moment before pulling away – his face unreadable – and Kurt had just reached up to grab Blaine’s hand, thanking him.
He hadn’t flipped out. He hadn’t collapsed on the spot.
It was all going to be okay.
---
It was finally February, and Valentine’s Day was fast approaching, as Rachel liked to remind him. Rachel had been acting funny around Kurt lately, looking at him with that giddy smile she usually reserved for Finn or Blaine. He would have thought Rachel would be depressed about being alone on the holiday, as Quinn/Finn/Sam had some lovely triangle thing going on (and judging from Finn’s behavior at home – he wasn’t quite sure if being with Quinn was something he wanted).
The odd thing was, she acted even goofier when she was around Blaine and Kurt together. “Is Rachel okay? She’s been acting kind of off lately,” Kurt asked Blaine as they walked to the lunchroom.
“Off?” Blaine repeated, his voice unusually high. “I hadn’t noticed.”
Kurt gave him a curious look but continued. “You guys still hang out sometimes, right?” Another item on the list of things Kurt did not understand about Blaine and Rachel’s failed relationship. “I just thought you might know something.”
Before Blaine could answer, Rachel came skipping up beside them. “Hello, boys!” she said brightly, and Kurt just turned to Blaine to give him an ‘I told you so’ look.
“Rachel, you okay?” Kurt asked warily.
“Never better,” she replied, squeezing between them and attempting to put her arms around their shoulders, the height difference not working in her favor. “So, I was thinking. For Valentines’ Day! Don’t be that way, Kurt!” she stated when she saw Kurt’s eyeroll. “I was thinking, the three of us could go out, plus Mercedes – a little singles night, just the four of us.”
“Rach, no offense, but I think we’re good,” Blaine quickly replied.
“No, really! It’ll be great, we can all go out and –“
Kurt just had to cut her off. Blaine was looking too nervous for his own good. “Rachel. Blaine obviously doesn’t want to go. Maybe he already has plans; you could at least bother to ask. Not everyone wants to be alone on Valentine’s Day like you.”
“Exactly, that’s why –“
Blaine cut her off this time. “Come on, Rachel, let’s go get in line.” He dragged her away, looking kind of thankful that Kurt had brought his lunch that day.
“What was that all about?” Mercedes asked as he sat down.
Kurt shrugged. “I don’t know. Something’s up with Rachel … she’s too cheery for her own good.”
Valentine’s Day came and went and Rachel had finally calmed down a bit. Kurt and Mercedes had spent the Saturday watching old VHS movies in his bedroom, while the rest of his family was out on various dates. He hadn’t asked Blaine what he was doing at coffee the night before, but Blaine hadn’t asked him either, so he figured it was a subject he didn’t want brought up.
A few Tuesdays later, at lunch, however, Rachel had a new plan.
“So! I’ve decided we need a little glee club bonding before Regionals. My dad is going to be out of town next weekend, so I’m throwing a party at my house Saturday night. Everyone will be there.” She gave Kurt an evil look, as if the line was added just for his benefit. Kurt just nodded as the girls eagerly discussed plans for the night, vowing to come up with an excuse to be unavailable.
Kurt was still debating on Friday whether or not he should include Finn in his excuse; he doubted Finn wanted to go either. There could be a family emergency, or something at the shop. He hadn’t expected Blaine to bring it up during their coffee visit.
“So, you’re going to Rachel’s tomorrow night, right?” Blaine’s eyes were soft, almost bashful, like he wasn’t asking just to make small talk, he really wanted to know.
“Oh … I don’t know.” Kurt started. “Parties aren’t really my thing. Rachel’s still acting weird anyways; I’m half expecting her to still have a concussion from when she slipped on the floor a few weeks back and decide she’s madly in love with me. She keeps looking at me … I don’t know. I’ve seen her look at Finn the same way.”
Blaine just laughed, kind of nervously. “I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen. I think she’s just trying to keep her mind off Finn and she’s not doing a very good job at putting up a natural front.”
Blaine looked as if he was going to say more, but just smiled and grabbed Kurt’s mug to get coffee refills. “You should come. Who else am I going to be able to laugh about Rachel’s outfit with?” He winked, and then he was off, getting their refills.
He’d spent most of the day Saturday picking out what to wear, and he and Mercedes had decided to be fashionably late. By the time they arrived, everyone was already dancing to the radio, and he guessed about half the club was already drunk with the other half well on their way.
Mercedes made a beeline to Tina, who pushed her cup in Mercedes’ hands, making Mike get her another one. Maniac was playing on the radio. You work all your life for that moment in time, it could come or pass you by. It's a push of the world, but there's always a chance if the hunger stays the night. Blaine left the makeshift dance floor, stopping his horrible Flashdance impression, and came bouncing up, almost tripping and falling flat on his face.
“Hey! I thought you weren’t going to come!” Blaine swung his arm over Kurt’s shoulder.
“And miss the mint green monstrosity?” Kurt added, laughing and nodding to Rachel. He caught Blaine as he tripped over his own feet, almost landing both of them on the floor.
“I swear I’m not drunk yet,” Blaine said, laughing back. The way he was grabbing on to Kurt’s shoulder made him think differently, but then Rachel came up, thrusting a cup in Kurt’s hand, and she was so, so far gone compared to Blaine.
Kurt was sipping the drink Rachel gave him very slowly, after his one run in with alcohol last year, but once he was on his second one, he hated to admit it – he was actually having a decent time. Tina was telling hilarious stories about Mike’s mom walking in at the wrong times, Rachel and Blaine were spastically dancing, and everyone else sort of swayed around them, no one dancing with anyone in particular.
Kurt finally got up to dance with them, Rachel shoving sunglasses on his face and snapping pictures, and then Tiffany came on the radio. Kurt must have been right about the mixtape, because Rachel screamed she loved the song. He pushed it to the back of his mind though, and continued dancing with them, drinking his second drink a bit faster than the first.
By the time he was on his third, Rachel was suggesting spin the bottle. The Police were playing quietly on the radio in the background. Another lonely day with no one here but me, more loneliness than any man could bear, rescue me before I fall into despair. This is why he hated parties – he couldn’t in good conscience participate, tipsy or not. He and Santana sat towards the back, Santana yelling at anyone Sam kissed now that they were dating. Kurt was paying more attention to his cup than the game, but he did notice that Blaine kissed Tina and Quinn, and that Quinn was making it look like she had something to prove. He looked over at Finn, who didn’t looked as freaked as he should – he was just glancing past them at Rachel.
Maybe he was lucky there were no gay boys in Lima – it certainly was more drama free.
Blaine was spinning again now and it landed in between himself and Rachel – actually, pretty squarely on Kurt, sitting behind the group on a stool. Who wasn’t playing. Kurt was a good sport, but he made the executive decision he needed to get out. “Blaine, I’m not playing, default to Rachel.” He drained the rest of his cup and set it on the table behind him. He turned back around when he heard gasps and saw Blaine actually walking towards him.
Kurt’s heart caught in his throat. This was stupid. This was insane. Blaine didn’t have to do this just because he was drunk, judgment clouded. He told him so, but before he knew it, Blaine was just inches away, telling Kurt he wanted this, hesitating to make sure Kurt wanted this too.
Truth be told, now that Blaine was right in front of Kurt, his hand warm on his hip – Kurt did want this, everything he’d tried to file away in the back of his head crashing to the forefront. He twisted his hands in the front of Blaine’s sweater, pulling him closer, barely touching his lips to Blaine’s before Blaine grabbed at the nape of his neck, pulling him closer, and everything Finn had ever said about fireworks when kissing Quinn or Rachel was true.
He heard Brittany mumbling in the background – she would think that anyone kissing anyone was hot – and Blaine pulled away. He didn’t look shocked or disappointed, just happy and a little bit smug, maybe? Kurt watched Blaine sit down next to Rachel and suddenly the room felt too small, too suffocating for everything he was feeling and he stuck by his original thought – he had to get out.
The alcohol in Kurt’s system allowed him to pass out and sleep blissfully the moment he got in bed. Sadly, it didn’t last, and he woke up at seven am – far too early to be up on a Sunday – his mind racing.
Kurt knew he was probably getting all worked up in his own mind for nothing – but he had perfected the art at this point. Because what had Blaine meant, he had wanted to kiss Kurt for a long time? That was either a flat out lie – or, a long time being the three hours he’d been drinking – or – their whole friendship was a lie. For someone that considered Kurt a best friend, that’s a pretty huge thing to leave out.
Plus, now that he knew, now that he knew how wonderful it was to kiss Blaine – any idea of just being friends and forgetting what happened – Kurt didn’t have enough willpower for that. He didn’t know if anyone would have enough willpower for that.
Three hours of his mind working overtime were enough, and Kurt finally decided to start his day. His dad and Carole were both working. Finn was still asleep, so the house was nice and quiet. Kurt almost would have preferred something to distract him. Finn had stayed at the party later than Kurt, and he was morbidly curious about what happened after he left.
He started making breakfast, figuring the smell of pancakes and bacon would rouse Finn. He was correct, because not even ten minutes later, Finn stumbled bleary-eyed down the stairs.
“What’s the occasion?” Finn plopped down in a chair at the kitchen table.
Kurt set a plate of pancakes in front of Finn, smothered in butter and maple syrup just the way he liked, the way Kurt never made pancakes when his dad was around.
“I’m bribing you.” His hand was still on the plate, and if Kurt had gauged this right, Finn would still be slightly hungover and unable to resist warm, gooey pancakes.
Kurt could practically see Finn’s mouth water. “Anything,” he said, pulling the plate from Kurt and digging in.
“I’m pretty sure what happened last night between me and Blaine was not supposed to happen.” Kurt could see Finn shifting awkwardly in his seat, staring at the pancakes as if they held the secrets of the universe. “Can you make sure that doesn’t spread around school? That it just stays between New Directions?”
Finn finally looked at him. “Dude, I don’t know, I can’t control what other people say –“
Kurt cut him off. “You have more influence than you realize. Just – I’m sure everyone is still asleep, meaning no one’s talked, you couldn’t do one damn thing for me for once?” Kurt moved his hand towards the plate of pancakes as if he were going to take them back.
“Okay. Okay, man, I’ll make some calls.”
“Good.” Kurt poured him a glass of orange juice and added some bacon to his plate before making a plate for himself (using significantly less butter). They ate in silence for a bit before Finn spoke again.
“He was pretty upset you left without talking to him,” Finn said quietly, not really believing he was having this conversation.
“Yeah, well. Maybe I don’t want to talk to him.”
Of course Blaine would want to talk to him. Blaine would probably show up later trying to talk to him. He finished his pancakes and walked his plate to the sink.
“If he comes around, tell him I’m not here.”
---
Kurt knew he couldn’t avoid Blaine forever. Even if he skipped out on lunch, Blaine would still be in French class the next day. He didn’t think he’d be able to fake being sick to stay home.
It was late afternoon by the time Blaine came around. Kurt heard the knocking and sat up with a start. He must have fallen asleep. His cassette tape of Pretty In Pink had ended, the TV turning to static. He walked over to the window to open the curtains and watch. Blaine looked like he was practically begging Finn to come in. Kurt walked back over to his bed, not wanting to see any more.
He sat for a moment trying to figure out what he could do for the rest of the afternoon to forget about Blaine when he heard a ping at his window that made him jump. He watched, and it seemed as if Blaine was throwing stuff at his window. Were those woodchips from the yard? He shook his head and walked over. Apparently he needed to hear it from Kurt himself that he didn’t want to talk.
Kurt opened the window just a crack, yelling at him to go away before quickly shutting it. Blaine, still not satisfied, threw another woodchip and when Kurt opened the window again he was making that damn pouting face. Blaine made it when he wanted another biscotti at the Lima Bean or when he really didn’t get his French homework and wanted Kurt to explain. Kurt didn’t know why the face made him want to give in, but it did.
Kurt sighed. This was better than French class, he supposed. “Fine. Give me fifteen minutes.”
Though Kurt had already showered for the day, he’d put on his only pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt and that wouldn’t be okay for anything outside the house.
“I told him to go away, I swear,” Finn said as Kurt passed. Finn was sitting on the couch watching a basketball game, and looked fairly nervous that he hadn’t done what Kurt asked correctly. Kurt had never been in that position. It was nice.
“It’s fine, Finn. There are leftovers from last night in the fridge.” He opened the door before adding, “I don’t know if I’ll be back for dinner. Tell them not to wait for me.”
Kurt glanced at Blaine briefly, not saying a word before walking to the passenger door of his Caprice. He didn’t particularly know how to start. He felt like if he opened his mouth, everything he had been thinking all morning would spill out. Blaine was quiet too, not speaking until they got to the Lima Bean.
Blaine asked why he was mad and as predicted – everything came spilling out. About how the kiss had meant something to him and all of the scenarios in Kurt’s head couldn’t factor Blaine meaning it, or if he had – then what did that mean?
When Blaine responded, explaining it all away – he was vulnerable; the most vulnerable Kurt had ever seen him. Babbling about his insecurities and how he didn’t know how Kurt could like him that way.
Was he ever wrong.
Kurt’s mind was telling him he should still be mad at Blaine … but after that, how could he? Eventually they went in for coffee, in silence again, but this time different – good silence, as if nothing else needed to be said. They sat, sipping the warm drinks in front of them, just being in each other’s company and shyly smiling at each other.
When they drove back to Kurt’s house, it was definitely past dinnertime. Blaine got out of the car and walked Kurt to the door.
“I really am sorry, Kurt.” Blaine grabbed his hand, tracing circles on his palm with a gloved thumb. He looked up at Kurt from underneath his eyelashes – and damn, that was going on the list of things Kurt loved – asking, “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”
Kurt had meant to say no, of course not, but what came out was, “Kiss me,” which was insanely stupid because they were on his front porch in the snow and for all he knew, Finn was watching out the window. Blaine had grinned, just like he had the previous night but there was no alcohol in his system now. The kiss was just as he’d remembered anyways, and he was pretty sure the shivers going down his spine were from Blaine’s hand, warm and firm on his back, and not the snowflakes falling.
---
Mercedes didn’t believe him. She thought April Fools was coming a month early (what was she thinking – Kurt would never celebrate such an awful holiday). He’d told her in whispers and codes in homeroom that Monday. Blaine had showed up so they could all walk to their next class, grinning stupidly since they hadn’t seen each other since their kiss on Kurt’s doorstep.
“She doesn’t believe me,” Kurt said to Blaine, trying to contain his amusement.
Blaine just kept smiling and blushed (that was a first), shrugging his shoulders. “Her loss.”
Mercedes’ jaw dropped and Kurt shushed her. “Blaine still has to figure things out so don’t tell anybody, for the love of god.”
“Tell anybody what, ladyboy?” Karofsky appeared before them, slushie cup full.
“That you have an IQ of twelve, Dave,” Blaine explained calmly, like he was actually talking to someone with an IQ that low. Without hesitating, Karofsky threw the slushie at Blaine.
“You’re lucky your little friend here has a big mouth,” Karofsky added before walking past them.
Blaine wiped the ice out of his eyes. “I’m gonna …” he started, before wandering off to get cleaned up.
Mercedes’ jaw dropped again. “Did … did he just take a slushie for you?”
“I think he did.” Kurt’s eyes followed Blaine until he turned the corner and disappeared from view.
“That’s true love right there,” Mercedes decided. Kurt just smiled at her and grabbed her arm so they wouldn’t be late for class.
---
Kurt honestly couldn’t believe his luck at times. By the time spring break rolled around, he’d been dating Blaine over a month. He wished he hadn’t agreed to work at the shop in the mornings and could call off his shopping adventures with Carole and Finn – he actually wanted to turn down free clothes. But calling off anything he’d already sort of planned would just look suspicious, and Finn was suspicious enough for his own good without more ammo being thrown at him.
He’d been dating Blaine for five weeks, yes, but it had been their secret, aside from Rachel and Mercedes. He’d also been spending almost every afternoon with Blaine, which was kind of unlike him. He was able to chalk it up to Nationals research with Rachel, Mercedes, and Blaine a lot of the time, since the girls would have their backs, but Finn just stared at him sometimes like he knew.
The day it had all blown up, Kurt came walking in minutes before curfew, expecting his dad to be waiting up for him, but it had been Finn on the couch instead. It also happened to be the day Blaine had told Kurt he loved him, so Kurt walked in smiling and lightheaded and high on life and love.
“Hi, Finn!” Kurt said cheerily, dropping his keys in the catchall by the door. Break My Stride had been playing on his car stereo, and Kurt couldn’t help but keep humming the tune. You're on a roll and now you pray it lasts, the road behind was rocky but now you're feeling cocky. Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride nobody's gonna slow me down, oh-no.
“Where were you?” Finn’s tone didn’t seem conversational, and frankly, it wasn’t what Kurt wanted to hear right then.
“Out.” Kurt walked past the living room without stopping, trying to make it to the stairs without being dragged into Finn’s nonsense.
“Kurt, wait,” Finn called out, and Kurt walked back to the living room, standing in the doorway. He tried to scowl, but it was a futile attempt since he was in love and all.
“What’s up with you and Blaine?” Finn sounded almost like he was accusing Kurt of it.
That stopped his happiness right there. “Finn, why do we keep having this conversation?” He folded his arms over his chest and rolled his eyes for good measure. “Nothing is up with me and Blaine, but even if it was, it would be none of your business.”
“I’m just trying to figure out where you’re spending all your time lately. You’re never here.” Finn’s voice was getting louder and the last thing Kurt wanted to happen was to get their parents dragged into it.
“Keep it down,” Kurt hissed. “And again, it’s none of your business. Do you want me to start meddling in yours? You broke up with Quinn, right? I’m guessing because you want to get back with Rachel?”
Finn didn’t answer but stopped looking at Kurt and started looking at his shoes.
“Yeah, not so fun is it? Well, I don’t know what kind of dirt you’re trying to get on Blaine but it probably would be better in Rachel’s eyes if you stopped prying at her best friend’s life.”
Finn opened his mouth to reply, but shut it, staying silent. Kurt took it as his cue to leave, and stormed up the stairs.
---
After spring break, things got busier. Nationals in Chicago was coming up and Kurt and Blaine's time was consumed with raising money for and then practicing for Nationals. They still hadn't decided on a setlist but they were three weeks out and only had a few strong contenders. Kurt knew they'd probably pick something at the last minute as usual (hopefully, last minute wouldn't be as last minute as Regionals was).
He took his time gathering up his things in third period, waiting for Blaine or Rachel or Mercedes, but no one came. It wasn't a big deal. It had happened before. Kurt had no problem with it - but he knew Blaine did. Blaine worried, especially after they started dating. Karofsky hadn't tried anything else since the kiss - at least anything out of the normal - and that was months ago. Kurt knew he was perfectly capable of getting from class to class. He really only walked with Blaine, well - because he liked being with Blaine.
So when Karofsky grabbed Kurt's arm and pulled him into the empty boy's bathroom, Kurt's first thought was not 'oh shit, what is he going to do to me?' but 'oh shit, Blaine is going to beat himself up far worse that Karofsky will to me.'
Karofsky shoved him against a wall. "So, you haven't told anyone about our little mishap where you kissed me, right? Because that would be a very stupid thing to do."
Kurt tried to maintain his composure, but Karofsky was right up in his face. "First of all, if I remember correctly, you kissed me. Secondly, why would I tell anyone?"
"That's right, no one would believe you over me. Enough people know how you were with Finn last year." Kurt shuddered, knowing he was right. That's why he hadn't told any teachers or even his parents - no one would believe him and no one would do anything. "You've just been hanging out a lot with the hobbits and I wasn't sure if you'd let it slip." When Kurt just stared at him, not following, he added, "The hobbits! Anderson and Berry. Are they still dating? Berry I guess I can see because you're both into that musical theater shit, but I'm surprised Anderson can even stand to be around you, not knowing when you might cop a feel."
Kurt closed his eyes and tried to calm himself. He wanted to scream out that Blaine was more than happy to cop a feel from Kurt, that they were dating and he couldn't do anything about it because they loved each other - but he knew that wouldn't do him any good.
"Your secret is safe, Dave. Can I go now?"
Karofsky looked him over before pushing Kurt against the opposing wall and leaving. His shoulder hit the metal paper towel dispenser, and that would leave a bruise. He sunk to the floor, still trying to calm his nerves. He needed to go home.
---
Kurt hadn't meant to yell at Blaine, it's just what happened. He'd spent too long mulling over the whole thing and getting angry and hadn't expected Blaine to show up until after practice. At this point, he didn't think Blaine was coming back. He figured he could call Blaine's house after dinner to apologize. He’d been in bed listening to the radio since Blaine left. We’ll be together, it won’t be long, it won’t be long but it feels like forever, and it’s hard to be strong. Baby ’cause I’m missing you now and it’s driving me crazy. Ugh. He was not in the mood for Michael Bolton. He turned off the radio and went to get his walkman.
Kurt heard the front door open. Finn must be home, though practice shouldn't be out yet. He wandered down the stairs and heard Rachel's voice as well. He was going to join them until he heard Blaine's name mentioned. He stopped halfway and sat on a step, listening.
"I just don't get what Blaine's deal was today! And why you, of all people, decided it would be a good idea to cancel practice. Now we have to work twice as long tomorrow, and tomorrow is Friday, if you hadn't noticed."
Kurt heard Rachel squeal in frustration. "Okay, you know what? If you're going to date me again, you have to be okay with this. It's a requirement of your boyfriend status."
Rachel paused, long enough for Finn to say, "Well?"
"Blaine is gay and dating Kurt."
Kurt buried his head in his hands. Why, why did she have to tell him?
Before Finn could respond, Rachel continued. "Blaine is my best friend and Kurt is your brother, for goodness' sake, and you should be happy for them! Just because everyone else at school doesn't understand – I expect better of you, Finn. They've been dating for almost two months, and they love each other, just like you love me, so ... figure out how to be happy for them. This is a deal breaker for me, Finn."
The silence seemed to go on forever. Finally, Finn sighed. "Yeah, you're right. I haven't been acting like a very good stepbrother."
Kurt almost burst into tears again at Finn's realization, but kept it together. He composed himself and walked down the rest of the stairs, being a bit noisy so they could hear him coming. Rachel ran to him as he entered the room, throwing her arms around him. "Are you okay? Blaine is freaking."
She was gripping him so tight, he had to laugh, even though she was squeezing where the bruises from earlier were forming. "Yeah, I'm okay, just overreacted a tad." That was an understatement.
When Rachel finally let go of Kurt's sides, Finn cleared his throat. "Hey, man, Rachel told me about you and Blaine - I'm sorry I've been a dick, I really am happy for you."
"Thanks, Finn, that means a lot," Kurt replied, sincere. He hoped Finn was sincere as well. "Am I to assume you two are back together? I'm guessing you didn't just invite yourself over to check on me," he said to Rachel.
“Well, we are back together,” she said, giving Finn a small smile, “but I came over to drop off the new sheet music. We’re switching Head Over Heels for Say You, Say Me for our first Nationals number. Together Forever’s still on for our second.” Rachel handed him a manila folder with the music. “Practice didn’t go so hot today, so you didn’t miss anything. Hope you don’t have plans tomorrow.”
Kurt looked through the folder, the sheet music color coded with highlighters. He tried not to laugh at Rachel’s notes on the sides. “Thanks Rach, I’ll make sure I’m prepared for tomorrow.”
He turned to leave, but Rachel had one more comment. “Kurt? Can you please make sure you make up with your boyfriend before practice tomorrow? Because I won’t hesitate to tell Mr. Schuster to replace him with Finn or Puck for our duet.”
Boyfriend. Kurt obviously knew it was true but to hear someone else say it – it was just kind of amazing. “It’s on the agenda,” he said before heading back up the stairs.
---
After the serenading-and-slushie incident, Blaine hadn’t stayed long. With four football players seeing that, the whole school would know by tomorrow and Blaine figured he should tell his parents. Finn was still out with his friends and Carole was working late, so it was just Kurt and his father for dinner.
“You okay, kid? You’re awfully quiet,” Burt said halfway through dinner. Kurt snapped to attention, realizing he hadn’t said a word through the first half.
“Yeah, just a lot on my mind.” He cut off a bite of chicken, because he hadn’t touched that either.
“Anything you wanna talk about?” Kurt looked up at his father, his gruff expression that was a little soft around the edges.
Kurt chewed his food thoughtfully before continuing. “You’ve met my friend Blaine, right?”
Burt nodded, stabbing at his green beans, probably wishing they were French fries. “Sure, he’s a nice kid. Is he in trouble?”
“Not exactly. He’s … gay, dad, and we’ve been dating. Don’t give me that look, no one knew, alright? No one even knows he’s gay.” Kurt huffed, stabbing at his green beans as well.
“I said he was a nice kid but I don’t like the fact that he’s making you hide things from me.”
“It was my idea, dad, okay? I’m sorry.” Burt’s face softened, though Kurt was sure he wasn’t off the hook. He continued anyways. “It’s just – well, some of Finn’s friends found out today and everyone at school will know tomorrow and he’s at home telling his parents now. He’s not like me, Dad. He didn’t know when he was five and neither did his parents. They don’t have a clue. I’m just worried for him, you know? He’s going to call me afterwards, but …”
They ate in silence for a few more minutes before Burt said, “You like this kid, right? I can see it in your face when you talk about him. That you’re not just doing this for lack of options.”
Kurt paused for a moment, wondering if he was about to terrify his father. “I do. I … I love him dad, and he loves me, it’s just the rest of the world that’s so complicated.”
“Ain’t that the truth.”
They finished dinner in silence, Burt reaching out to take Kurt’s plate to do the dishes. Burt sighed, stopping and standing at the sink. “All I know Kurt, is you’re the bravest kid I know, and you fight for what you want. So if you want to be with this Blaine … it’ll work out.”
Kurt got up and pulled his father into a quick hug. “Thanks, Dad. For everything. For being … you.” Kurt tried not to think of Blaine’s parents and how they were taking the news.
“Too bad there aren’t more people like me out there, huh? Well, maybe not exactly like me,” Burt said, pulling away. “That might be scary. But more people out there that realized you’re just a normal kid and you deserve to be happy. I hope Blaine’s parents realize that.”
“Yeah, me too.”
He was barely to his room before the phone rang. “Hello? Blaine?” He didn’t mean to sound as panicked as he was.
“Boy, it’s me.” Mercedes’ voice filled the phone. “What happened today? What did Blaine do? Everyone knows.”
Kurt sighed and sunk into the bed, dragging the phone with him. “I know. He knows. Everyone knows. He – well, we fought at lunch when he came home, because Karofsky was a jerk and I took it out on him. We fought because no one knows. Because I was stupid and told him it was okay not to tell anyone and then … it wasn’t.”
“Kurt.”
“I know, I know, stupid. Anyways, he came back after practice, with a guitar, and sang to me outside my window. Outside my window, Mercedes,” he repeated at her gasp.
“Oh my god, when did your life turn into a movie? What did he sing?”
“Elvis. Can’t Help Falling In Love With You. But wait, it gets worse – Finn’s friends pulled up just as he’s finishing. Azimio had a full slushie cup.”
“Oh no …”
Kurt tells her the rest of the story, Mercedes making appropriately shocked noises throughout. “How did you find out? Who called you?”
“I guess Blaine told Tina and Mike after practice and Artie found out and called Tina, who called me.”
“Practice should be fun tomorrow.” Kurt sighed again.
“Don’t worry, you’ve got like half of New Directions on your side,” Mercedes said cheerfully.
“Yeah, and the other half plus the remainder of the school ready to harass Blaine.”
“You get by okay, right? I mean, I know it’s not ideal, but – at least he’ll have someone who understands?”
Kurt remembered back to when Blaine first started eating lunch with them, how he felt that regardless of Blaine’s sexuality, he understood. He understood Kurt and how nice that had felt.
“You’re right. I should probably get off, Blaine was going to call me after he told his parents and I don’t want to tie up the line.”
“Yeah, alright. See you in homeroom tomorrow. At least it’s Friday.”
Just a few minutes later, the phone rang again. “Hey, I’m sorry if you’ve been trying to call, Mercedes called and I tried not to talk too long.” He really hoped it was Blaine this time or he’d look like an idiot.
He heard Blaine laugh on the other end. “Just once, it’s okay. Mercedes – so everyone knows?”
“Everyone knows.”
They sat in silence for a few moments before Kurt cleared his throat and asked, “So, how did it go? You’re still alive.”
“That’s a plus. It – I don’t know. I don’t think they get it. They’re just confused and disappointed and said stuff like ‘We just don’t feel like we know you anymore, Blaine’ and that’s all well and good but I wanted to tell them I didn’t feel like I knew myself for like the last year. Well, maybe the last two months I’ve figured it out a little better.”
“Oh yeah? Why is that?” Kurt teased.
“I might not know who I am but I know I like who I am with you.”
---
It had been the longest Friday ever, in Kurt’s opinion, even though they’d managed to avoid football players in the halls. Kurt still wondered what Finn had said to them. No one was outright rude, but there was a lot of whispering and pointing and avoiding. Which was fine – Kurt didn’t want to interact with anyone else anyways.
The four hour practice Rachel put them through probably would have been a bit shorter, but there was a blow up between Puck and Blaine at the beginning, before half the students or Mr. Schuster made it to the auditorium, about how Puck didn’t think they could win … well, with Blaine on lead vocals with Rachel, though he used quite a few more choice words.
As predicted, the club was divided, the Cheerios and football players against the lunch group, with Mike and Artie confused on where to go. Artie finally sided against them and Finn walked in shouting at Puck, saying that yesterday there was no problem with Blaine being on lead – which was pretty good insight for Finn.
Mr. Schuster finally walked in, breaking them all up, saying that unless Blaine’s vocal abilities had changed overnight, nothing was changing.
They were sitting in Kurt’s room, drinking coffee from the household pot, having decided that public appearances should probably be out for a while. Blaine was on the floor with his legs stretched out, not wanting to spill anything on Kurt’s bed, while Kurt sat at his vanity.
“Sorry about –“ Kurt started, but Blaine cut him off.
“Last I checked, you weren’t calling me names or whispering behind my back. You have nothing to be sorry about.” Blaine smiled at him before taking a sip of coffee.
“You’re taking this all pretty well, you know.” Kurt got down from his vanity stool, sitting next to Blaine and stretching his legs out as well.
Blaine put his arm around Kurt. “They don’t matter, is all. None of it does. In a year, we’ll be gone.”
Kurt nodded and drank his own coffee. They’d never talked about what would happen after. Sure, they did before they were together, and they both knew they would leave Lima after graduation where most people would just stay here, or if they did leave, eventually return.
“Speaking of,” Blaine said, slowly. “I talked to my brother yesterday too. He was pretty okay with everything. I think college turned him into a free love for all type guy.”
Kurt laughed. “Hey, so that means there’s hope for a few more decent people out there.”
“Yeah,” Blaine said, putting his coffee mug down. “Anyways, he’s done with classes the same week we go to Nationals, so before all this,” Blaine waved his hands in the air wildly, “I was going to stay with him for a few days afterwards to check out colleges in Chicago. His roommate will already be gone, so he’ll have the extra space, and then we’ll drive home together since he’ll be back for the summer.”
“Is he coming to the performance? Will I get to meet the elusive free loving Paul?” Kurt picked up Blaine’s hand, tracing patterns on it with his pointer finger.
“Well, that’s the thing,” Blaine said, turning to look at him, “do you think your dad would let you stay with us? So you could look at colleges too? I’m sure there must be some on your list in Chicago.”
Kurt looked at him wide eyed. “Are your parents okay with that?”
“I didn’t ask them. I just – I can’t imagine going somewhere too far away from you. My brother’s okay with it, that’s all that matters, right?”
Kurt nodded and reached over to kiss Blaine, placing a hand on his cheek. “It is.”
---
Kurt and Blaine sat on the tiny double bed in the tiny hotel room. Mr. Schue had taken budget to a whole new level. At least Blaine had reassured them that it was a safe area. There were four rooms, plus one for the teachers, and Kurt and Blaine had ended up with Finn because no one else would share with them.
Finn wasn’t thrilled with the prospect, but to be honest, they weren’t thrilled with it either. He’d claimed the shower first and luckily everyone was going to bed early since they had to start rehearsing at eight am, with the competition that night.
Blaine went to shower next, since Kurt would surely take the longest. Kurt tried not to worry about what Finn and Blaine would do when left alone – he didn’t think they’d been alone in the same room ever.
“I brought my walkman!” Finn said, a little too loudly. “I can turn the volume up real loud, you know if you wanna.” He nodded his head towards the bed.
Kurt wasn’t quite sure what Finn was implying, but he was fairly certain it was something he and Blaine would never be doing in his presence. “I’m going to forget you said that now and just chalk it up to being a good sport about this whole rooming thing.” He was pretty sure he looked horrified.
Finn just shrugged as if to say your loss, and he wondered if the tables were turned if it would have been expected of him. He considered himself friends with Rachel now, but – ew.
Kurt did the quickest version of his showering and moisturizing routines that he could, and Blaine seemed to be unharmed from his time spent with Finn. Finn put his headphones on anyways, and Kurt didn’t know how that could be very comfy since he was turned away from them facing the wall.
It was pitch black and he was laying in a tiny bed next to Blaine, which was pretty amazing, Finn or not. Blaine reached towards him in the dark, finally finding Kurt’s hand. “Just think,” he whispered, “in two days, we’ll be trading your brother for mine.”
“I sincerely hope yours is less awkward,” Kurt whispered back.
Blaine picked up their hands and kissed the back of Kurt’s. “No promises. Goodnight, Kurt.”
---
I was dreaming when I wrote this, so sue me if I go too fast but life is just a party and parties weren't meant to last, war is all around us, my mind says prepare to fight, so if I gotta die, I'm gonna listen to my body tonight.
Kurt began to giggle as Mercedes and Artie divaed out to Prince. It wasn't just the wine coolers Puck had bought with his fake ID (of which Kurt drank three), they were actually doing hilarious Vogue style dance moves that didn't exactly match up with what they were singing.
They had won Nationals and everyone was crammed into one hotel room, if Kurt had to guess, it was the one the remaining boys were sharing, but he wasn't sure. Mr. Schue and Miss Holiday had left them under strict orders not to be too loud, but if Kurt didn't know better, he was pretty sure they were celebrating themselves right about now.
Since Blaine was partially to thank for their win, everyone had put disagreements aside for the night (and the alcohol probably helped). He was sure everything would go back to normal once they got back to school next week, but it certainly was nice for now.
Blaine bumped his shoulder and nodded towards the door. Finn and Rachel were sneaking out, no one else even noticing their absence. Kurt smiled and wondered whose room they were wandering off to - probably Rachel's, he vaguely remembered Finn telling Sam he'd lost his room key. Was that yesterday? Or today? Kurt didn't even know what time it was, but it was for sure after midnight.
Eventually everyone else wandered off to various rooms, no one sticking to the original configuration. By the time Kurt and Blaine left, Quinn, Mercedes, Mike and Tina were going to the unoccupied girls' room, while everyone else was staying put. Kurt flung their room door open, kicking off his shoes and collapsing on the bed. The day was finally catching up with him.
He opened his eyes to see Blaine hovering over him. "Hi," he said, ecstatic from wine coolers and winning and acceptance and the lack of Finn's presence.
"Hello," Kurt replied, suddenly more awake, twirling one of his fingers around a curl that had broken free from Blaine's gel.
Blaine leaned down to kiss him and Kurt was most definitely awake now, tilting his head up to meet Blaine. "Wait," he said, when his brain caught up with his body. "Finn might come back."
Blaine placed a few kisses down Kurt's neck, and he almost thought he was being ignored. "I doubt Rachel would let Finn come back, but even if he wanted to, his key is on the desk."
Kurt let out a giggle, because Finn would leave his room key in the room, the boy locked his keys in his car on a regular basis. Blaine kept kissing down Kurt's neck, finally hitting a sensitive spot, causing Kurt to stop giggling and bite his lip to keep quiet.
"It's okay, you know, you don't have to be quiet." Blaine was whispering in his ear, his breath sending shivers down Kurt's spine. "You know why? I think we're alone now. There doesn't seem to be anyone around. I think we're alone now. The beating of our hearts is the only sound."
Kurt rolled his eyes. His boyfriend was pressing up against him, quoting Tiffany like it was goddamn poetry. He pulled at Blaine's neck, kissing him to shut him up. "You're lucky I love you."
Blaine just grinned his stupid grin again. "I know. I'm the luckiest guy here."
---
Kurt woke with a start, not realizing for a second where he was. He looked around, realizing they were in Paul’s Charger, somewhere in Indiana between Chicago and Lima. Paul was asleep in the backseat with Blaine driving, and looking out the window, Kurt just saw cornfields for miles.
“Where are we?” he asked wearily. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
Blaine glanced over at him before returning his eyes back to the road. “We’re about halfway there. Another few hours to go.”
Kurt rubbed at his eyes, wishing they had stopped for coffee before getting on the road. Blaine must have turned down the radio after Paul and Kurt fell asleep, because it was playing quietly now. Who's gonna pick you up when you fall, who's gonna hang it up when you call, who's gonna pay attention to your dreams.
“I always thought this was an oddly ironic song. Drive. By The Cars.” He gazed over at Blaine lazily, and Blaine chuckled.
“You’re cute when you’re sleepy. Wait, scratch that, you’re cute all the time,” Blaine amended, reaching out to join their hands.
“You should probably keep both hands on the wheel, this isn’t your car you know.”
Blaine pretended to act shocked and appalled. “And what is the reason why I’m driving this car? What did Paul tell you?”
Kurt played along, pretending that he was annoyed at Blaine’s cockiness. “Something about you being a better driver, I don’t really recall.”
“That’s right,” Blaine said, removing his hand from Kurt’s grasp to put it back on the wheel. “Speaking of, you know why I asked you to coffee that one day?”
“Because you wanted to get into my pants?” Kurt quirked an eyebrow at him and Blaine burst out laughing.
“That too. But, I don’t know. That stupid song was on – Take Me Home Tonight? We were joking that Rachel would have loved it if I took her home while it was on?”
Kurt just nodded. He didn’t really remember what was playing on the radio; he just remembered trying not to flip out that a boy he liked was asking him to coffee.
“I was listening to the lyrics and they were talking about anticipation and stuff and I don’t know. It was like it was telling me to ask you out.”
“Oh my god,” Kurt deadpanned. “I’m dating the male version of Rachel Berry.”
“First of all, I’m way better looking than her, and a better singer.”
“You do realize she would say that, right?”
“Oh, come on!” Blaine protested. He was smirking though, and Kurt kind of loved that they could tease each other like this. “You couldn’t love Rachel and you love me.”
“I will admit you are slightly less annoying than she is,” Kurt said, returning the smirk. “Just drive, Blaine, and if you see a gas station, stop for coffee.”
“Rachel wouldn’t stop for coffee,” Blaine replied. The sun had started to set, shining through Blaine’s window, illuminating his hair and eyes and in that moment, scruffy and unshaven and in his stupid Duran Duran t-shirt, Kurt had never been more in love with Blaine.
“No, she probably wouldn’t.”
Kurt was glad he had someone who would.
FOOTNOTES: 1. another soundtrack
they don’t understand
time – boy george
maniac – michael sembello
message in a bottle – the police
break my stride – matthew wilder
missing you now – michael bolton
head over heels – tears for fears
say you, say me – lionel richie
together forever – rick astley
party like it’s 1999 – prince
drive – the cars
2. naderegen on LJ drew amazing art for the first fic and I'm so in love with her for it.
