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“I know what you’re thinking,” Remy said, drawing the teenager’s attention back to him. He’d gone a bit distant, and his leg had started bouncing nervously a few seconds ago. That wouldn’t do. “He’s an old person. How can his system handle that much sugar and caffeine? Short answer, it can’t.” He took another long drink, being sure to slurp a bit obnoxiously.
Virgil’s nose twisted just a bit. “Then why are you drinking it?” he asked.
“When you get to be my age kid,” he said seriously, looking at him from over his sunglass, “you learn the universal truth.” The boy tilted his head curiously, falling directly into the trap. “YOLO.”
He watched Virgil go through the 5 stages of grief in two seconds flat. Remy sat back to bask in it. Mission Distract-the-Child was a success. “Why?” Virgil chocked.
Remy ignored the question. “Sure, you don’t want something other than a black coffee?” he asked. “Like, I get the aesthetic thing, I do, and I appreciate it, but why suffer?” Virgil glared at him and took a resolute sip of the drink looking like a little gremlin. “At least wash it down with a cinnamon roll,” he entreated, shoving the plate toward him.
Virgil frowned at the plate. “That’s yours,” he said.
“Yeah, well, this drink is actually giving me a stomachache so I’m not going to eat it,” he said as though he’d ever intended to eat the thing himself. “We shouldn’t let it go to waste.”
“You’re still drinking it,” Virgil pointed out.
“And your point is?” Remy asked.
“You’re a weird person,” Virgil commented.
“Please eat the pastry,” Remy said, pushing it toward him a little more forcefully. He looked at it and hesitated but eventually picked it up and took a bite, smearing the icing all over his face. Cute. Leave it to Patton to find the most anxious and damaged, but still adorable teenager in the city and adopt him on sight.
Remy had spent his night unbelievably salty that Patton had switched his on-call night around at last minute with one of the other doctors in the office. It wasn’t that Remy didn’t like the other two or that he minded working with them. They were fine, but if Remy had to work until 7am because they got called in for an emergency, he much preferred suffering with his best friend.
He’d guessed of course that whatever had gone on the night before last with Big Bird and Shadow Caster had spilled over and he’d understood that, but still. He’d been left alone and bitterly wondering what Patton could really be doing that was that important.
But apparently the man had been busy, because he’d somehow managed to accidentally acquire a whole fucking child which is not an emergency phone call Remy had ever expected to come from his incredibly homosexual best friend, but here they were.
And yes, this was clearly Patton’s baby now. He couldn’t have been any more transparent if he’d stamped the words “Patton’s son” on the boy’s forehead. What’s more was Logan was clearly also 100% on board the dad train which was a bit of a shock.
Remy studied him as he chewed on the cinnamon roll. So, this was Shadow Caster, the cities resident heroic bank robber? Remy should probably be surprised, but honestly after the Nerd=Bird realization, he really couldn’t find any shock in himself. It was a little weird, sure. Shadow Caster was a kid and one he was going to have to take pictures of and call the cops for (not because of the bank robbing). That was an interesting pill to swallow, but such was life.
In almost a blink the cinnamon roll was gone, and Jesus, did the boy ever eat? Judging by the small frame hidden under the large coat he wore, probably not. Well, Patton would surely see to that.
Remy would need to get a ‘congrats it’s a boy’ card for them, if for no other reason to watch Logan’s head spin trying to explain why that type of card was designed for the purpose of newborns joining a household and not this situation like a nerd.
“Napkin?” Remy said offering one. The kid recoiled when Remy moved too fast. Oops. He kept his hand still and didn’t comment. Eventually Virgil took the napkin, and Remy sat back slowly watching him curling in on himself a bit. Remy sighed.
Music started up suddenly and Remy glanced at his phone. “Sorry, I forgot to text my boyfriend that I’d be home late,” he told Virgil, he swiped to ignore the call and sent a text back instead with an apology. When he looked back up at Virgil, the kid was glaring at him. “What?”
“I recognize that ringtone,” he said. “It’s from Steven Universe.”
“It’s a good show,” Remy said, but that was apparently not the point because Virgil pointed a finger at him.
“You know who the Ninja Turtles are,” Virgil accused.
Remy rolled his eyes. “Of course, I know who the fucking Ninja Turtles are kid. I’m not Bluebird. Also, my boyfriend’s sort of a cartoon fanatic so even if I didn’t know before I met him, I would by now.”
“Liar.”
Remy rolled his eyes and finished his drink, smacking his lips. “Babe, I have an image to keep up as a crotchety old man. What will everyone do if they realize I’m secretly cool as well as this hot.”
He scoffed and Remy narrowed his eyes.
“Stop with the sass kid or I’ll throw this dirty napkin at you.”
Virgil screwed up his face more.
“That’s it. I’m throwing this at you,” he warned before pitching the crumped-up napkin at him.
He laughed, batting it away.
“‘ight want a coffee refill before we go?” Remy asked standing up.
“Oh, um, maybe.” He got a little quieter again at the reminder that this wasn’t just a fun coffee date, but they did have to get going pretty soon. Remy would have just taken the coffee to go if he hadn’t noticed the boy about to jump out of his own skin once they left Logan and Patton on the roof. Honestly, Remy wasn’t relishing what they were about to do. He didn’t know if he wanted to see the leftovers of whatever put that twitchiness into his movements or the distrust in his eyes. It needed to be done though, Remy knew. He’d just try to make it as painless as possible.
“Sure, I can’t tempt you with a Remy special?” he asked.
Virgil rolled his eyes. “Please. No.”
“Lame,” Remy complained. “You have that young digestion system and you’re not even taking advantage of it.”
“My body is a temple,” Virgil said. “Crumbling to pieces and also definitely cursed.”
“Dramatic fucking teenagers,” Remy mumbled, snatching up the boy’s coffee cup and heading over to get him a refill. Virgil laughed at him and Remy smiled as he walked away.