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No one touched his hair anymore.
His mother used to; when he couldn’t sleep, she would come into his room, sit beside him, and stroke his hair until he fell asleep. Even when he grew, she would still card her fingers through his hair when she hugged him hello and kissed him goodbye.
“Be safe, sweet boy,” She would say before making house calls or traveling to the market. She would stand on her tiptoes and press a kiss against his cheek, gently running her fingers through the ends of his hair before she left.
And his father, while not as physically affectionate as his mother, also made a habit of placing his hand on the back of his head when trying to make an important point.
“My son,” he would say, his monstrous hand creating a familiar, comforting warmth.
But no one had touched his hair in years. They hadn't even touched his hair, only everywhere else. And he couldn't stop feeling their hands, so why did he feel hands in his hair?
Was it his mother? Was he dead? Was he with her again?
If he was dead, why did he hurt? Why was there pain? Why did he still feel so raw, so betrayed, so very vulnerable in a way that had nothing to do with his half-nakedness?
If he wasn’t dead, who was touching his hair? Was he imagining it? Had he finally gone crazy?
“Alucard,” He heard. He knew that voice, he had to trust that voice. He missed that voice.
“Don’t frighten him,” another voice said. God help him, he had missed that voice too.
“Alucard, are you alright?”
He forced his eyes open, to either confront his madness or to see his estranged companions.
And surely enough, two pairs of blue eyes, one a stormy, steely grey-blue and another a bright, diamond cerulean, were looking down at him.
“What happened?” Sypha asked. “Are you hurt?”
“I- I don’t think so,” He said, trying to prop himself up on his elbows.
“No, you shouldn’t get up,” Sypha said. She reached out and trying to place her hand on his chest to push him back down. To the surprise of everyone in the room, Alucard flinched and moved backwards, raising his arm as if to protect himself.
“I-“ She said, her well-meaning hand held in midair.
Trevor gently took her hand and pulled it onwards, holding it at his side.
“We’re going to get you some water,” He said. “We’ll be right back, alright?”
He nodded his head. Why was he agreeing? Why did he trust them? How could he trust anyone ever again?
And hadn’t they left? Didn’t they leave just like his mother and father and his supposed friends had?
He listened to them go.
And then he was alone again.
oOo
The travelers had left their water skins in the foyer at Trevor’s request when they had walked into the castle.
“You were worried he was going to kill us,” She said when they made their way back downstairs.
“There are people staked outside his castle, can you blame me?” Trevor asked.
“Is it terrible that…that I almost wish he had tried to kill us?” Sypha asked. “I mean, that’s not like him, but there’s something about seeing him so afraid…”
“I wouldn’t want to kill him for trying to kill you,” Trevor said. “But I know what you mean. I don’t know what to make of him.”
“What do you think happened?” She wondered aloud. “I mean, he’s half-naked and he looked- he looks afraid. I didn’t know he could look afraid.”
“Maybe his new decorations tried to kill him.”
“But he could take down two humans without batting an eye. He flinched when I tried to touch him,’ Sypha said, shaking her head. “And he’s covered in the most brutal scars I’ve ever seen. Something- someone hurt him, and I don’t know what to do-“
“I know,” Trevor said.
“What do we do?” She asked. “I don’t even know what to say to him, because he won’t talk to us. What do we do?”
“Hush,” He said gently, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her against his chest. “I don’t know, love. But we can’t lose our heads over him, that won’t help anything.”
“Aright, alright,” She said, taking a deep breath. “Let’s bring him some water and see if it helps.”
oOo
Alucard was sitting on the floor, his back against his bedframe.
If the noises he heard in the castle were any indication, Trevor and Sypha were indeed in the castle. They had come back.
They had to have seen the corpses outside the front door. Were they really stupid enough to still come inside?
Or maybe they loved him enough, he thought, laughing at himself for his stupidity. What was love, other than a reason to stake people and display them in his front yard?
Two pairs of worn traveling boots appeared in his vision. Trevor and Sypha knelt before him and handed him a filthy water skin.
“Drink this,” She said. “You’ll feel better.”
“I doubt that,” Alucard said.
“Ah, he speaks,” Trevor said. “I thought something took your voice.”
“And I thought you two were going to galavant around the countryside, helping kittens climb down from trees.” He quipped, his voice still flat.
“Surprisingly few kittens on our adventures,” Sypha informed him. “Maybe you’d be willing to tell us what you’ve been up to?”
“I think you both know what I’ve been up to,” He replied shortly.
“Ah, yes. The decorations,” Trevor mused. “It’s a bold choice, to be sure.”
“Trevor,” Sypha chided. He fell silent. “Alucard, would you please tell us what happened to you?”
“I made a mistake and paid for it. Happy?”
His tone was sharp and silence fell over the room.
“We’ve made mistakes, too.” Trevor confessed, shattering the quiet. “We’ve made…terrible mistakes.”
“Did your- did your mistakes give you those?” Sypha asked quietly, pointing to the scar on his bare chest. Silently, he nodded his head. “Oh…I’m so sorry.”
Alucard felt tears stinging in his eyes. Ashamed, he blinked them away, only to have them replaced by new ones.
“We shouldn’t have left,” Sypha realized aloud. She wasn’t apologizing, she was simply stating a fact. If she and Trevor had stayed in the castle, they wouldn’t have massacred an entire town and could have protected Alucard.
“You’re right, like always. We shouldn’t have left,” Trevor agreed. “I’m sorry, my friend.”
“Don’t be,” He said shortly. It was then when they noticed that Alucard’s eyes, his honey-gold eyes, were filled with tears.
The lovers made eye contact over their friend’s bowed head and decided, wordlessly, what to do. He may throw them out after this, he may even kill them, but in moments of pain, it was all humans could do for the ones they loved.
They reached out and held him in their arms. They didn’t say a word, just wrapped their arms around him and and held on.
Alucard felt his brow furrow in surprise, then relax. Once the shock of being held passed, relief settled over his body. He hated himself for needing this so terribly; here he was, reeling from the trauma and heartbreak from his last physical experience, and all he wanted was to be held by people he trusted?
People who were sorry to have left? People who missed him as much as he missed them?
He took a deep breath.
Alucard would never have asked them to hold him like this, just like he wouldn't have asked them to hold his hand in the dark or to sing him to sleep.
But their arms were all the way around him, Trevor’s around his shoulders and Sypha’s around his waist. He was held between them, tightly, locked in their warm embrace.
Had he always been this cold? Had it always been like this when he was alone?
He wasn’t alone, now.
“Don’t go,” He said aloud. Immediately, he hated himself for making such a childish plea.
One of Trevor’s hands moved to his hair, gently stroking his tresses like Sypha had moments ago and his mother and father had when he was young. Sypha also moved, lighting her arms around his waist and pressing her head against his chest. He could rest his chin on the crown of her head.
“We won’t,” She said.
“We won’t,” Trevor agreed.
What little tension was left in his body dissipated; Alucard broke down and wept, his broad shoulders racking with sobs.
“It’s alright,” Trevor said softly. “It’s alright, you terrifying bastard.”
“We’re here for you,” Sypha said. “Nothing is going to hurt you now.”
They held him while he cried and long after, and they didn’t leave. When Alucard woke up hours later, he was slumped against Trevor’s shoulder, one of his arms still around him. Sypha was asleep in his lap.
He woke up among friends. He woke up safe, cradled in the embrace of the only people he could trust. He woke up loved.