Chapter Text
Lucy tended to jump into things.
In college she took Anthropology 101 her junior year, and after one class she changed her major. She saw an ad for the Academy, realized it could really piss off her parents and soon she had a new career. She saw her apartment, got a good feeling about it, and she was signing a lease two hours later. Once she got through her probationary year, she knew immediately that Jackson should be her partner (well, after a brief moment where she wanted to ask Tim, but then he told her he was not going to be assigned a partner as he waited for a sergeants spot to open up).
When she realized she liked a guy she was all in. At the beginning, anyway.
(She didn’t have a great track record of guys being as sure about her as she was about them).
Her parents called her impulsive, Lucy called it decisive.
When she shared this pattern with Tim, on some never ending stake-out where she tended to talk about things she never planned to share in an effort to keep her eyes open, he just nodded.
“That’s what makes you a cop,” Tim shrugged, “We can’t worry over every decision, you have to be-”
“Decisive,” Lucy said, suddenly not feeling tired anymore.
“Exactly,” Tim nodded, “Doesn’t mean you are always making the right decision though, look at Nolan, boot”
Lucy had rolled her eyes at that, but she had also laughed, which made Tim grin.
That had been before Caleb, of course, and the oil barrel and being buried alive and not being able to fall asleep for three weeks. All of a sudden, not having good judgment was no longer, at all or a little bit, funny. Tim had sat by her bedside in the hospital, bought her six packs of cheap beer and watched dumb movies with her. Jackson bought her concealer and held her hand as she got the tattoo removed. She went to therapy and she had slowly healed.
As she got through her probationary year, and first few months as a cop, not rookie, she still remained, however, hopelessly… decisive.
(Maybe a bit reckless).
Well, mostly.
Sometimes she looked over at Tim, as they sat on either end of a couch, beers in hand and the game playing somewhere in the distance, and she would think…
Just say something, anything, about how you really feel.
He’s not your T.O. anymore, he’s not dating Rachel anymore, he’s not even going to be at the same station as her in a few months.
But something stopped her, something about him made it hard to be reckless.
(He meant so much to her, and more than that, his opinion of her meant more than anyone’s ever had; she wanted him to believe in her, to think she was capable, she wanted him to love-
It was much too dangerous for her to be reckless around Tim, especially when he always seemed to be there to catch her when she fell).
So she put those thoughts away, and she went to work with Jackson, riding beside her in their shop. They took calls and she laughed, and she tried not to wonder.
It was a foggy February morning, when that calm, steady routine was completely disrupted. A routine complaint, suspicious smells and sounds coming from a rundown apartment, in a nearly abandoned building. She went through the call, almost relying on her muscle memory. Her body knew, by now, who goes through the door first, where to check.
Then she heard something.
“Did you hear that,” Lucy asked, turning around wildly.
She had Tim, still, in the back of her head, all these months from when they were in the same shop. Did she check all the exits? Does she have a way out? Has she thought of all the possibilities?
“Lucy,” Jackson’s brows furrowed, “I’m not sure what you-”
Jackson was interrupted by a crystal clear wail. That couldn’t be though-
Lucy was already through the door, ignoring Tim, in the back of her head, demands that she watch her back and be careful.
There in the middle of this drug den, all alone, was a baby, maybe six months old.
(Lucy really didn’t know anything about babies, so she could have been way off).
She was sitting up, on a mattress on the floor, and a few blankets, crying her eyes out, her cheeks bright red, and her fists shaking up and down.
“Hello, darling,” Lucy cooed, trying to swallow down disgust and panic, as she kneeled down to pick up the baby.
Who in their right mind would just leave a baby in a place like this? Who would abandon their child at all?
Sometimes this job made her hate humanity, and all of the things they were capable of.
As soon as she picked up the baby, her wails subsided, and they just started blinking up at Lucy. She checked, and she seemed physically all right. No bruises or marks, and even a clean diaper.
Someone must have been there recently, and somebody made the choice to leave their baby there, too.
West drove them to the hospital, and she knew everything she needed to know, as soon as that little baby gripped her thumb.
This baby was perfect, and someone had chosen to throw her away.
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
Tim heard, over the radio, that “Chen and West” were heading to the hospital and his heart dropped into the pit of his stomach.
He knew, in all likelihood, they were just going to talk with a suspect, or check in with a victim, but it didn’t stop his head from spinning awful what ifs.
Tim wasn’t used to this, it was like his heart was walking outside his chest; it was so much easier when they were riding together, and he was the one watching her back. It hadn’t been like this with any other former rookie, ever. Even with Isabelle, he had been able to keep it together (maybe it was because he was young and stupid, and he thought they were invincible, he was older now, and was under no such illusion).
They were friends, though, he reasoned with himself. Ever since Lucy’s kidnapping, things had shifted, and they hung out sometimes (at least three times a week). She was his friend. Of course he worried.
Sometimes when he was lying awake, and he was more honest with himself, than he was usually willing, he would remember that he didn’t worry about Bishop, or Lopez the way he did about Lucy.
(He only called her Lucy in his head, never Chen).
Tim realized he hadn’t really taken a breath, until an hour later, he had an excuse to go to the same hospital that he heard, over the radio, that Lucy and West were at.
(He ignored that realization, which he was getting pretty good at).
He almost ran into her, literally. Lucy was pacing outside an exam room in the ICU, and he did a quick scan and she didn’t seem sick or injured-
Just worried, very worried.
“Oh,” Lucy stopped her pacing for a moment, and locked her eyes on his, “Hey Tim.”
“Chen,” Tim’s eyes narrowed, scanning the area now, trying to find the cause of her anxiety, “You okay?
“Okay?” Lucy looked confused, and then a look of realization crossed her face, “Oh, I’m fine, just waiting for-”
A doctor came out bouncing a baby, in the tiniest hospital gown he had ever seen and a mess of black curls, who immediately reached their arms out towards Lucy.
“Hello,” She cooed in response, taking the baby from the doctors arms, as though it were the most natural thing in the world.
“Want to fill me in?” Tim raised an eyebrow.
“We found her at a scene,” Lucy shifted the baby girl to her hip, rocking back and forth slightly, “Took her here to get checked out. Doctor Mitchel-”
“She’s doing well,” She smiled, answering the unasked question, “There are some signs of neglect, but no abuse. We will keep her here for observation for a couple of hours and then call social services-”
“I’ll stay with her,” Lucy said quickly, “Be the point person-”
“Chen- '' Tim could see her getting attached, and then getting her heart broken, in quick succession.
He also knew, when she decided on something, there was no getting in her way.
“Is there a problem with that Officer Bradford?” Lucy’s voice was firm, decisive, if he wasn’t so annoyed at her stubbornness, he would have been proud.
“Of course not,” Tim said easily, “See you soon, Officer Chen.”
Something flashed across Lucy’s face, but soon it was replaced by determination, yet again.
West came around the corner and greeted Tim, before turning back to Lucy.
“I found records of who was renting the apartment, a woman and man” Jackson said quickly, “They hadn’t paid rent in a few months, but the women had a baby in this hospital, five months ago-”
“Did you find-” Lucy started to ask, and Tim noticed her bring the baby closer to her body, just a little bit.
“Mom and Dad?” Jackson asked, and shook his head, “No father on the birth certificate, maybe it was the guy she was living with, maybe not. We do know that the Mom has an armed robbery warrant out for her, and a few possession arrests. Probably why she ran, the robbery was a few days ago.”
“Right,” Lucy nodded, “What’s the baby’s name?”
“Eileen,” Jackson’s voice softened, “On the birth certificate, her name was Eileen Turner.”
“That name suits you,” Lucy said seriously to the baby girl, “Doesn’t it?”
Eileen giggled and shook her chubby fists and Lucy laughed, and Tim felt like he was, somehow, intruding.
“Bye Chen,” Tim said, and Lucy looked over at him, “West.”
“Bye Tim,” Lucy smiled, her voice softer than it was before.
Tim went about the rest of his day, and tried to get the look of Eileen and Lucy together out of his head.
(They seemed right together, and Tim was sure that Lucy was going to get her heart broken).
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
Lucy went through her day in a fog. She was worried, terrified, and unbelievably sad, all at once for this tiny, baby girl. When Eileen was released from the hospital, she volunteered to wait for social services, not ready to let this tiny girl, who had already survived so much, out of her sight.
So she set herself up with some supplies that the hospital sent her way, in the break room (getting some truly hilarious looks from the grizzled beat cops, stopping in for their 5th coffee of the day).
Every moment with Eileen, made her more sure of what she had already been sure of in the ride to the hospital. She felt like she owed something to this girl, but also that her and Eileen were, somehow meant to be.
She had never really dreamed of being a mom, but now-
She was just sure that this was what she wanted to do, what she needed to do.
She had done some frantic googling, of expedited foster licensing. She had to have a physical and background checks for work, and she could get the rest of the paperwork done quickly, and if she pulled some strings, she could have someone inspect the apartment in under a week-
“Hey, Nolan said you would be here-” Tim started, as he stood stiffly in the doorway. His eyes fell onto Eileen, who was fast asleep in the crook of Lucy’s arm.
“I didn’t want to leave her with someone who doesn’t know her,” Lucy replied quickly, “Until social services comes, I mean.”
“Sure,” Tim said, as he moved an empty bottle, and onesie, so he could sit next to her.
“She’s perfect. This baby is perfect,” Lucy whispered, her heart breaking all over again, “She doesn’t have anyone, and she’s perfect.”
“I’m twenty-nine,” Lucy bit her lip, and looked imploringly at Tim, as though she could help him understand her.
“I am aware, Chen,” Tim said, shooting her a look, before fixing his eye’s on Eileen again.
“Lots of people have kids a lot younger than twenty nine-” Lucy reasoned, “And I wouldn’t be a mom, just a foster mom-”
“Lucy-”
“I have looked into it,” Lucy said quickly, “I could get a foster license in a couple of weeks. Plus, lots of people raise kids in single parent households.”
“Are you serious about this?” Tim didn’t look like he was judging her, and she was thankful for that. She didn’t think she could handle it if he was.
She already felt like one raw nerve.
“I just know,” Lucy murmured “I can’t explain it better than that.”
“During shift-”
“My parents have flexible schedules,” Lucy answered Tim’s half asked question, “They only see a couple of patients a week now-”
“Do you have room-”
“Jackson moved in with Sterling a month ago,” Lucy tilted her head, trying to remember if he knew that or not, “I haven’t gotten a roommate in the spare bedroom.”
“Okay,” Tim nodded, looking like he was thinking.
“Do I sound crazy?” Lucy’s voice broke, and she fixed her eyes on the dirty tile in front of her.
“You sound,” Tim paused, looking at Lucy then Eileen, again, “Determined.”
“So a little bit crazy?” Lucy tried to smile.
“Maybe,” Tim shrugged, “What matters is, do you think this is crazy?”
“Yah,” Lucy said, “I just, I think I am supposed to do this. Maybe I reunite her with her grandmother, or long lost father, or even rehabilitated mother, in a month or year, maybe she’s with me forever. I just, when I know-”
“You know,” Tim finished her sentence, with a crooked half smile, that melted her insides a little.
(Maybe more than a little).
“I think I have to try,” Lucy said, looking at Eileen, her cheeks pink, long black eyelashes curling up, snoring slightly as she slept, “I won’t forgive myself if I don’t try.”
Tim didn’t say anything, and she looked at him, and for better or worse it was his opinion that mattered more than anyones. More than her parents (who would call her dangerously reckless, she was sure, before they caved and demanded to see their granddaughter) or West (who would have that concerned look that always made her feel awful for worrying him). It was Tim, her hardass T.O, the voice in her head, the star of some of her hazziest, dreamiest, most embarrassing hopes, whose opinion would make or break her.
“Do you think I could do this?” Lucy looked up at him, the baby, curling deeper into her arms.
“I think you can do anything you put your mind too,” Tim said, before pausing and adding, “Boot.”
“Okay,” Lucy looked down at Eileen, tears welling up in her eyes, “Okay.”