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It was a deep feeling in the pit of Satori’s stomach.
It felt terrible.
And the worst part was, the feeling was rising , like hot air. It burned his throat and felt like it was charring the walls off. It felt like acid in his mouth. Satori wanted to vomit.
Anxiety was clawing was at the back of his mind and it filled in the holes left behind when the day was over and he was no longer hanging out with his friends.
Everything was crashing down and becoming too much to bare, as Satori thought about everything, EVERYTHING , that’s been happening over the past weeks.
Everything in his life, everything he ever loved, was falling out of his hands like the white sand on the seaside. Whenever he reached toward his wants, he was kicked away by the boot of life.
His season was over, and he’d never see Wakatoshi again. He’s never going to see Eita or Reon, Tsutomu or Kenjirou again and it hurt him so much. He’d be leaving all his friends, his closest people behind.
Maybe that’s a good thing though. They don’t have to put up with your bullshit anymore. Your terrible personality, your hyperactivity. No longer having to guess what the hell you’re going to say when you can’t communicate properly. Maybe it’s a good thing you’ll never be seeing them again.
That’s what his anxiety told him.
Logically , he knew they were going to have meet-ups and visit each other, but the loud voice inside his head was deafening as he buried his head inside his pillow.
The more he thought about everything, the more it scared him, the more it hurt him. Salty tears streamed and poured down his face and onto his pillow, turning his red hair and pillow damp.
He broke down in the darkness of his room as everything became too much.
Normally. He’d have someone to comfort him, but this time he had no one.
He called out for someone, anyone, to save him from himself, but no one came. Of course no one would come for him, it was 2AM in the morning.
IT’S TOO MUCH. IT’S TOO MUCH. IT’S ALL TOO MUCH.
Satori silently wept into the coldness of his room.
TOO MUCH. TOO MUCH. TOO MUCH. TOOMUCH. TOOMUCH. TOOMUCHTOOMUCH TOOMUCH TOOMUCHTOOMUCH TOOMUCH TOOMUCHTOOMUCH TOOMUCH TOOMUCHTOOMUCH TOOMUCH TOOMUCHTOOMUCH TOOMUCH TOOMUCHTOOMUCH TOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCH
TOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCHTOOMUCH
…
Satori wept to himself, with no one to witness.
I don’t want to live anymore.
He thought to himself.
Satori curled into himself and cried into a dreamless sleep.
He was tired.
So, so tired.
so
so
tired…