Chapter Text
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Check your phone. Did you get a message yet?
“Shut the fuck up. You’re not even fucking real.”
Hey, that’s not true.
“I said shut up.”
Katsuki Bakugou. 16. Male. Core.
From the time he was young, Katsuki was blessed with a fusion quirk of acid sweat and glycerin. This quirk allows him to create explosions from his hands on demand. Due to his flashy quirk, his peers would often praise him, expressing their fascination with how it worked and their desire to possess a quirk so powerful. The constant praise got to his head over the years, making him develop a superiority complex. There was constant joy in putting down his neighbor, Izuku, for being quirkless all the time. Deku would never be anything in his life and never anything to him. He could swine dive off the roof for all he cared.
But Katsuki really did care.
Often at night, he would cry—shoulders shaking, stomach clenching, arms tightly pinned to the blankets around his chest—in fear. He was alone and nobody would ever understand. He didn’t have a superiority complex; he never got joy from putting Izuku down—he was just following his mother’s footsteps…
His name is Katsuki Bakugou.
He is not that.
It had been months since he had seen his dorm. There’s a new All Might figure sitting beside his alarm clock that makes him smile every time he looks over. A few new manga books are in his collection. A new pillow cover too—All Might, of course.
As he looks around, he finally sees his phone resting neatly in his hand. Tegami by Angela Aki is playing gently through his earbuds. The song is emotional and often makes Katsuki cry out of comfort in a strange way. Of course he can never admit that though. Men aren’t supposed to cry, especially men as strong as Katsuki… or at least who people think is Katsuki.
This is the real Katsuki. He bites his nails and lets tears fall to his pillow. His knees rise further to his chest and his hand grips his phone harshly until it vibrates, giving him a notification. It makes him swallow thickly but he turns the phone on anyway.
‘Deku 18:09
Hey Takashi :)’
Takashi.
He’s the one who ruined his entire life. Katsuki has always been a good boy: perfect at school and maybe teased Izuku some but he never knew any better… Takashi was the one who took over way too early in life from just six years old. Takashi is the one who has a superiority complex and finds joy at laughing about Izuku. He’s the alter that Katsuki’s brain decided would be the perfect host…
Katsuki feels ashamed and turns his phone off again.
‘Deku 18:10
I bought some kinoko no yama for you’
When he turns his phone on this time, his eyes widen slightly. Those are small mushroom-shaped biscuits with chocolate tops. Katsuki hasn’t seen or even heard about those in so many years. He’s nearly convinced he’s in a dream.
He opens his phone and clicks on the notification. It brings him to the phone messaging app and from there, he scrolls up a bit. There are more messages from Deku and him—Takashi—having an exchange about training some time together in the near future. Katsuki doesn’t want to think about fighting and nearly exists the app before remembering why it was opened in the first place.
‘Me 18:12
You didn’t have to’
There’s a moment of hesitance but he sends the message anyway. Within seconds, Deku has already replied.
‘Deku 18:12
Just come over to my dorm please?’
Katsuki stares at the message.
‘Deku 18:13
I noticed you were upset earlier and I wanted to do something nice for you’
He’s not sure how to feel. Nobody knows about his existence except for Deku. He could never tell anybody about his “alters.” They’re just voices in his head. But he’ll play along as “Takashi” for now.
‘Me 18:14
I’m coming’
The teen sits up, letting the earbuds fall from his ears as he does so. He wipes his eyes and takes a deep breath, looking around the room for any notes left for him by chance. There’s none he can spot immediately so he stretches and stands. Pants, check; boxers, check; shirt, check; socks, check; shoes—his eyes scan the room—check. He puts on his shoes and grabs his phone after unplugging the earbuds. Then he walks out.
Don’t fuck it up. At least act tough.
Katsuki sighs softly and grips the phone in his hand. He doesn’t need to be told how to act around Deku or anyone for that matter. Maybe he should call him Izuku so he knows it’s Katsuki…
Izuku was the first person he told. It was a heavy conversation, one he could feel with every rise of his chest, every blink of his eye, every tear down his cheek. It was one of the only memories that wasn’t stolen from him, even if it was too emotional at times. He liked to remember it in a strange way. The way Izuku sat on his bed and fidgeted with his nails as he watched Katsuki hold an All Might pillow close to his chest was oddly comforting.
Tears fell fast like a faucet and Izuku leaped to wipe them off his face.
“I got back from the psychiatrist today…” Katsuki held the pillow a little tighter and took a deep breath. “He said I have… um, DID… because of my mom.” With shoulders suddenly shaking, Izuku moved the pillow and hugged him tightly.
“Don’t cry, Kacchan…”
It was already too late for that. Just the hug made him grab Izuku’s shirt and spill all of his tears into his shirt. He wasn’t aware of how touch-deprived he was until that very moment and it only made him cry harder.
“I’ll be here for you,” he whispered.
And Katsuki lost it. He wailed into his shoulder, now crying the hardest he ever had in his entire life. It was the mixture of fear and something else… Something foreign to him that he didn’t know how to explain at the moment. But it felt like home. It felt like Izuku’s arms were a home he never really had before; like he was completely safe from all and any harm.
He hiccupped and choked, clenching his eyes so tight, they almost disappeared completely. As he held his breath, he sniffled and sobbed again. At any second, he would start to hyperventilate and Izuku would break apart from the hug just to hold his hands, look him in the eys, and breathe in and out with him. And once he would be calmed down enough, Katsuki would look at Izuku right in his eyes and fight off more tears. Izuku would tell him it was okay and he would begin his story again.
“He said I have DID. It means Dissociating... “ He shook his head; that was wrong. “Dissociate… Dissociative Identity Disorder... “
Izuku nodded. “And what’s that?”
The other bit his lip. Izuku was smart and could easily look it up on his phone if he didn’t already know about it. “It’s where I have… people that live in my brain… He called them alters. I don’t even believe him.”
“How come?”
“Everybody hears a voice in their head, even he said so. Everyone acts differently depending on where they are. Like when I’m over here, I feel really safe so I act normal. But when I go home, I’m quiet and proper so my mom won’t yell at me… And everyone forgets sometimes, right? You forget, don’t you, Izuku?”
Deku smiled kindly. “I forget sometimes. I think the doctor is wrong. I’ve never seen your alter before.”
“The doctor is wrong,” he repeated. “If you’ve never seen my alter then how could the doctor know?”
That’s when Izuku shrugged and hugged him again. “You’ll be okay, Kacchan… I’ll make sure of it.”
“Takashi, why are you crying?”
Katsuki jumps, snapping back to reality. Quickly looking around, he realizes he’s already in Deku’s room. He doesn’t remember going inside his dorm room or even walking here. “I don’t know,” he replies softly, wiping his eyes with his long sleeve. “I don’t remember walking here.”
I got you here, that’s why.
“You haven’t been here that long…” Izuku looks at him up and down with a worried expression. “Is this still Takashi?”
Katsuki shakes his head. “It’s me, Izuku. It’s-it’s me. I’m Katsuki.”
The name makes him smile. “Mushroom?” he asks, holding up the chocolate biscuit for him.
“Yeah,” he whispers. He takes it in his hand and twirls it slightly. This is reality… Katsuki hates to accept it but he’s living in the moment and actually kind of likes it. He’s safe with Izuku.
What if you just killed yourself right in front of him? No hesitation, just fucking kill yourself right in front of him and never have to worry about any of us ever again, yeah? Sound good?
He looks at the treat and frowns. As his eyes slowly move to look at Izuku’s, he leans forward and hugs him. Izuku’s arms instantly wrap around his body and give him a gentle squeeze.
And it still feels like home.