Chapter Text
Lan Xichen painted the scenery he was always familiar with, from within the confines of his small room that used to be where his mother had stayed. A small house that skirted the estate that belonged to the Lan nobles. She was often bedridden but that had never stopped her from getting up from bed to meet her children, who were at that time, mere toddlers.
Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen were probably the most prominent young bachelor nobles within the large city, aside from Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng. However, Jiang Cheng was said to have gone missing shortly after his own position as the leader of his Jiang nobility had been passed to his adopted brother instead of him. Since then, he was nowhere to be seen. Not even his own people know for sure what he looked like as he did not often leave his mansion to interact with the people, unlike Wei Wuxian.
The smell of the coloured oils wafted in the air, his clothes smeared with a variety of colours, smudged and mixed together. It was the same painting of his view from the window of the house. A field of gentians in a deep blue shade with table and chairs under the elegantly, carved white pavilion. The white only accentuated the gentians, making the blue seem richer than what they usually are. This place was quiet, the chirping of the birds could barely be heard.
As he absentmindedly dabbed the green of the grass, he didn’t realize that his palette had run out of paint. When the green faded from the paintbrush started to be fainter, he looked down to see the empty palette where his green was supposed to be. He heaved a sigh, putting down his palette and brushes. His painting wasn’t as vibrant as he liked it to be. It was more sombre than peaceful – much like how he was feeling.
A knock on the door made his raise his eyes from the painting. “Come in.”
“Brother,” a young man called with light-coloured eyes, cold and stoic.
Lan Xichen smiled. “Wangji. What brings you here?”
“I’m here to see you,” he replied.
“Mn. Did uncle send you?”
Lan Wangji shook his head. “Uncle is busy with the marriage arrangements.”
Lan Xichen set up the table with his favourite tea set, of pure white china with blue cloud motifs. The aromatic scent of Ceylon tea overrode the smell of the oil paint.
“Brother, your marriage…” Lan Wangji started but he trailed off. He didn’t know how to put his feelings and opinions into words. Words were always his weakness and Lan Xichen knows. He’s grown up as a big brother for almost all of his life, ever since Lan Wangji was born. The small chubby baby in his short, toddler arms seemed only like yesterday. The gurgling and soft whisper of ‘gege’ was still fresh in his memory. Though now he calls him brother in a much more formal manner, Lan Xichen remembers. He will always remember his brother, even if it meant that he will no longer only be his brother.
Lan Xichen was to be married a month from now.
They only mentioned to him that he was to be married to another noble, Jiang Cheng. Even though it was already well known that he had gone missing for almost a year, his elders had insisted that this young noble (they mentioned that this noble was only a few years younger than him) would be betrothed to him. Even if Lan Xichen was the head of his own noble house of Gusu Lan, he didn’t even have the authority to choose his own spouse. There was no need for him to ponder because he himself understands that he holds no authority over his own people. He was merely a puppet for the elders to control and he was willing to be so, if it meant that his brother was spared of the same treatment.
Lan Xichen knew that Lan Wangji was not stupid. In fact, he was too smart for his own good sometimes. He understood fully as to why he listened to every whim of the elders. And Lan Wangji knew that all that Lan Xichen has done has always been for his sake. Ever since they were children. His parents had passed away, leaving Lan Xichen a message to take care of his brother, using their last breath. Lan Xichen had been since shackled with those words, though not unwillingly. He loves his brother and was willing to do anything for his brother, even if it meant having to spend the rest of his life with a man whose face was unknown to even his own people.
“You don’t have to say anything, Wangji. I know and I will tell you now – that I am willing. No one forced me into this despite it having been arranged already. If the elders deem it beneficial that I were to marry Lord Jiang Cheng, then I shall. There is no one on the losing end,” Lan Xichen explained.
“But, your heart… do you want to have this marriage? Even though mother always told us to follow our hearts.” Lan Wangji tilted his head slightly, managing to seem as though he was a child once more even though he was merely a year younger than him.
Lan Xichen’s lips were dry.
Did he?
Lan Xichen didn’t dare answer him; he only smiled without speaking a word. Yet, Lan Wangji was persistent in pushing him for an answer. “Brother?” he urged.
“Wangji. There is nothing in this world that cannot be started. We may be at odds at first but I’m sure that my future spouse and I will eventually come to an understanding and we will learn to love each other as we are,” Lan Xichen answered.
Lan Wangji’s brows knitted together. The answer his brother had given wasn’t to his satisfaction but he had always been weak with words. Hence, he could only begrudgingly nod at the answer.
They continued their time together, having tea and biscotti’s made by the family servants. Once they have finished their tea and snacks, Lan Wangji excused himself. He had business at another noble’s house. While Lan Xichen was the leader of his family – the Lord of the house, essentially – it was merely by name. He does do the paperwork and attends events as the Lord but most decisions were still left to the elders as ‘respecting the elders’ choices and imparting of their knowledge to the young ones’.
While Lan Xichen was extremely respectable (why wouldn’t he be? He was considered the best candidate of a husband among singles!), he does seem to think that their methods were perhaps a fair bit outdated and impractical with the moving times.
Lan Xichen stared at his unfinished painting. Only half the canvas was covered in colours, the gentians a deep, rich blue with still-wet paint. He touched the painting, fingers smudging the paint, long streaks of mixed colours and distorted shapes; it ruined the painting yet added a new sort of aesthetic to it.
This was more exactly how Lan Xichen felt, ruined as he tried to retain his front.
******** ********
Lan Xichen was at the port, overseeing certain trades that came in as part of his family’s business. He was speaking to the person in charge when he heard a commotion happen not far from where he stood.
He pushed passed a crowd to see two men, facing off. One was a burly man with a fierce-looking face, staring down another man whom he was at least a good size bulkier. Or at least, Lan Xichen thought it was a man. His face was too pretty to be called a man yet retained enough masculine sharpness to not be deemed feminine. The man had sharp features with grey, almond-shaped eyes and slightly tanned skin. His full lips curled downwards into a scowl and the shapely eyebrows above his eyes knitted together in a frown. His hair was braided at the sides, tied up in a tight bun with bangs falling over the front of his face.
For a man (the more Lan Xichen looked, the more he confirms that the person was indeed a man), he was extraordinarily pretty. However, the prettier one stared down at the burly man with a glare as sharp as knives despite him being shorter than the other. Lan Xichen was sure they were on the verge of a fight and when the two men were pitted against each other, the prettier one looked delicate in comparison to the burly man.
They spoke in a dialect that Lan Xichen was not familiar with, though certain words were similar enough that he understood ‘midget’, ‘weakling’ and a few other extremely vulgar words that made Lan Xichen shudder at the mentions of them. All of a sudden, the burly man grabbed the other by his collar, jerking him forward to intimidate him.
Lan Xichen tried to step forward to intervene before anyone got hurt but something happened and his eyes only barely caught up with it. The pretty man (yes, Lan Xichen has already named him the pretty man because he was just that – a pretty man) grabbed the burly man’s wrist, twisting it to the side. His grip must have been severe enough that he made the bulkier man kneel with a cry of pain, his arm twisted in a painful direction.
The pretty man spoke again – threateningly, from the sounds of it – before the other man nodded and he was released from the painful grip. The pretty man walked away, the crowd making way for him. Lan Xichen chased after him.
“Wait!”
Lan Xichen took large strides with his long legs, reaching the man (who was surprisingly shorter than him) and tapped him on the shoulder. The man halted and whirled around so fast that Lan Xichen thought he would have crashed into him.
“Who are you?” the man snapped.
Lan Xichen blinked, showing that he didn’t understand. “I’m sorry I don’t understand. I’m not familiar with your dialect,” he answered, speaking slowly.
The man frowned deeper before he asked in a dialect that Lan Xichen was familiar with, “Who are you?”
“I’m Lan Xichen and I can’t help but notice you when you got into the fight earlier,” Lan Xichen quickly said.
“What of it?! You looking for another fight as well? I’ll let you know as well that I can take you on without any problem!”
Lan Xichen quickly shook his hand and waved his hand wildly. “No! No! That’s not what I intended! I just wanted to talk to you and learn more about you.”
The man’s eyes widened, shocked that a stranger suddenly said he wanted to know more about him. Then, he paused, staring at the taller man with beautiful, gentle honey eyes and a well-defined jaw, adorned with a gentle and polite smile. Lan Xichen could almost see the gears in the pretty man’s head turning as he looked him up and down, taking in his appearance. It made him wonder if his appearance at the moment seemed unruly or inappropriate.
“You… what did you say your name was?”
“Lan Xichen.”
The pretty man raised his eyebrows, his scowl flattening into a thin line instead, looking more intrigued than upset. “Lan Xichen…” the pretty man whispered, looking downwards. “As in, Lan Xichen the head of the noble Lan family?”
Lan Xichen nodded. “Yes.”
The pretty man snorted. “So you’re Lan Xichen. You seem more like a proper gentleman than an upright, pompous lord that I imagined.” Lan Xichen didn’t know if he should smile or be troubled by the answer. Still, he gave the pretty man a troubled smile. “So what do you want? Talk about what?”
“About the fight earlier. What was the cause of the fight?” Lan Xichen asked.
The pretty man crossed his arms, raising one side of his brow. “I didn’t like his face.”
“… Is that it?”
“So what if it is?” the pretty man retorted.
Lan Xichen was speechless. He had no idea that he would meet someone who would start a fight with no reason whatsoever – at least not face to face. He must have made quite a face because the pretty man suddenly smirked, one corner of his lips curving up. “Why? Was the Lan Xichen such a sheltered child that he has never seen such barbaric acts?” He snorted in disdain. “It’s best that you walk away from this life unless you want to be kidnapped by a pirate.”
Lan Xichen blinked. Did…did he just say pirate?
“You’re a pirate?” he asked, surprise tinting the tone of his voice.
This time it was the pretty man’s turn to blink. He wore rather dull clothing, though it wasn’t as bad as some other sailors where their clothes were ripped and ragged. Most were quite proud to have torn clothes, showing off the well-built muscles from working physical labours at piers and boats.
The pretty man looked almost gobsmacked. “Why are you so surprised? Don’t tell me you thought pirates were a myth?”
“No, no. I mean… is it alright for you to be saying that out loud? Aren’t you scared that I might be part of the governor that arrests pirates?” Lan Xichen replied.
The pretty man, smiled – an arrogant smile, making him look proud and confident. “Why should I be scared of some governor’s dog? I can take all of them on, alone or otherwise.”
Lan Xichen was amazed by the sheer confidence the pretty man had. He wished he had half his confidence to at least stand up for himself, against the elders that he had submitted himself to. Yet, no matter how he thought about it, there was no way he could go against his elders. He, himself, was weak and the only thing he could do to protect his brother was to be their puppet.
“How can you be so… confident?” Lan Xichen asked, brows knitted together in unsureness.
Sensing a change in the mood, the pretty man stared at Lan Xichen. “You barely know me yet you’re saying I’m confident? Why? Are you weak?”
Lan Xichen pondered over the question for a while. “I…I’m not sure. I don’t think I’m…” He couldn’t lie. It was forbidden, according to his elders. “I don’t know actually.”
“You don’t know?” He heaved a sigh. “Lan Xichen, was it?”
“Yes.”
“You can call me, Wanyin. And by the end, you’ll be strong too.”
******** ********
Wanyin leaned to one side, his knuckles supporting his chin as he watched Lan Xichen paint gentians yet again into a separate canvas. Since their first meeting, Lan Xichen often snuck out (even though, as the family head, visiting his ports were part of his job) to the port to meet with Wanyin. Even so, they don’t do much apart from talking and playing games – though it is Lan Xichen who often watches Wanyin play games and listen to him talk to other rowdier sailors and pirates. Lan Xichen has always known that there were pirates at the port but he never realized how common they looked. They were no different from regular people and in fact, he found the noisy bunch extremely nice to be with.
“Why do you paint gentians so often?” Wanyin asked, watching the careful strokes made by the noble. They were sitting outside at the pavilion – Lan Xichen was painting and Wanyin was watching. He did it quite often, sneaking into his compound late in the evening when no one’s around to spend his time with Lan Xichen. It is the same as when Lan Xichen goes to visit Wanyin, they talked; they spoke about regular gossip, what they did during the time the other was not around and other small talks.
Today, it was Wanyin asking about Lan Xichen’s paintings and his recurring themes of gentians in them.
“They thrive in these soils quite well. They’re a remembrance of my late mother. She tended to them when she was not bed-ridden,” Lan Xichen answered, his eyes not leaving the canvas. “Now, the gardeners care for them. I couldn’t care for them even if I wanted to. I’m a terrible gardener and soon, I might not have the time for it.”
Wanyin chuckled. “Of course, the pampered young head of the Lan family wouldn’t be able to pick up a hoe if he needed to. If you’re ever out there, alone, you’ll starve yourself to death.”
Lan Xichen laughed at the answer. He had long grown accustomed to the rough words and jokes that Wanyin liked to say. “Perhaps. Oh, one more reason I paint gentians so often is because I like them. They’re beautiful and very fragrant.”
Wanyin gazed at the painting of gentians, with walls serving as their backgrounds, a solid white with lines that pictures the bricks around his compounds. As lovely as the painting was, Wanyin couldn’t but think that, perhaps, Lan Xichen had unconsciously made his painting seem a bit melancholic.
“You…I heard you’re getting married soon.” Wanyin suddenly spoke. The brush stopped moving suddenly, the blue-coloured brush dragging wrongly into the whites of the walls. Wanyin took notice, of course. “Do you not want to get married?”
“It has been arranged already. There’s not much I can do about it.” Lan Xichen’s eyes remained looking down at his palette.
Jiang Cheng scowled deeper. “What if that Jiang Cheng is really ugly?”
“I do not judge a person by their appearance.”
“What if he’s a fucking asshole to you and your family?”
“I’ll make sure my family will not be affected. If anything, patience is my best trait and I’m sure that his attention is focused elsewhere.”
“He’s been missing for so long. How are you sure that he’s even coming to the wedding?”
“My uncle has already informed me that the Lord has returned and that he has accepted the wedding.”
“Do you even want to get married? Don’t you have to like a person to get married?”
Lan Xichen smiled bitterly. “For the matters of politics, love plays no part in marriages. Even if there is love, it may not end nicely.”
Wanyin narrowed his eyes at Lan Xichen. “Why are you so willing to submit yourself to a lifetime with someone whose face is not even known, cast away from their family and risk their happiness? What is worth so much that you have to give up your freedom?”
“My brother.”
The answer silenced Wanyin.
“As much as I’ve said how I love gentians, I also dislike them. They always reminded me of the words my mother often spoke – to protect A-Zhan, to defend my brother and to thrive for our lives to be lived freely. How can I defend my brother if I were to live freely? Who will protect my baby brother if not the older brother?”
The silence continues.
“Does your brother not know?” Wanyin sounded almost exasperated.
Lan Xichen smiled yet again. “I suppose that’s what being a brother means. To protect, even if they don’t know. To make the sacrifices for the sake of their happiness.”
“Then who will care for yours? Those so-called ‘elders’ sure don’t seem to care about you.” Wanyin’s tone dripped so heavily with sarcasm that Lan Xichen could almost see him roll his eyes without even looking up.
“Wanyin. If I have to say, I’ve been quite happy recently – spending my time with you.” Lan Xichen looked up and their eyes met. “Even if it’s only for a short while, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my time with you. For that, I thank you.”
Jiang Cheng opened his mouth to reply after staring at him for a while but before he could say anything, his head snapped towards a far-off direction.
Someone was coming.
“I have to go. See you.” With that, Wanyin easily scaled the wall and jumped over it.
Lan Xichen stared at where the pirate had scaled, a small chuckle leaving his lips before turning towards the servant that came to call Lan Xichen to see his uncle.
******** ********
Today was the wedding.
It was very early in the morning and his brother was accompanying for morning tea before he was scheduled to get prepared for his wedding. The clothing was of the finest quality and his hair was a silky smooth curtain that ran down his back.
“Brother. Are you sure about this?” Lan Wangji asked for the sixth time.
“Yes.” Lan Xichen stressed the word. “Wangji. You don’t have to worry. I’m sure Lord Jiang Cheng will be a fine man.”
Lan Wangji’s brows knitted together. “Brother. It is still not too late to stop this.”
“Wangji. How many times must I tell you that I am fine with this arrangement? You don’t have to worry about me. Focus on yourself and your own happiness,” Lan Xichen replied.
“What about yours, brother?”
Lan Xichen froze, feeling a sense of déjà vu. “I will be fine, A-Zhan. Do not worry.”
Lan Wangji stared at his brother for a long while before he stood up, pulling him into a hug. “A-Zhan?!”
There was no hiding the shock with his brother being so openly affectionate with him. “Brother, I know you’re doing this for me. But, there is no need for it. I will be fine,” Lan Wangji said. He pulled away, his light-coloured eyes glowing under the dim lighting. “Brother, if you wish to marry someone. Do it with someone you love. Like mother said, follow your heart.”
Lan Xichen opened his mouth to say something but he was too taken aback by his brother’s action that he had to excuse himself. He retreated to the pavilion, his mind muddled and unsure.
He was feeling calm the entire time. Why was it now that he felt as though his feelings had been turned over into turmoil and the pits of his stomach dropping so deep down he thought it would have been long gone?
The palpitations of his heart didn’t make it easier for him to calm down. He tried taking several deep breaths, reciting rules to calm himself. Nothing was working and Lan Xichen finally came to the conclusion that he could be having marriage jitters – the bad kind.
“Lan Huan. Calm down. There’s nothing to be scared of. It is only a marriage,” Lan Xichen mumbled to himself, pacing up and down the small pavilion. He continued to talk to himself, to get himself out of the nervous, sweaty state he was in.
“You’re not doing a very good job of calming yourself.”
Lan Xichen whipped his head up, to see Wanyin sitting atop the wall that divided his compound and the outside. “Wanyin!”
Wanyin jumped down from the wall. Lan Xichen noted that he looked a bit different and he smelled different too (not that he smelled bad but his usual lotus scent seemed stronger than usual). His clothes were better well-kept, like casual clothing for a middle-class citizen and his hair had been pulled up into a simple ponytail.
“What are you pacing around for? Don’t tell me you got marriage jitters?” Wanyin questioned.
Lan Xichen responded with nervous laughter. “You found me out…”
The shorter man snorted in response. “I thought so. You’re not even ready for marriage and you’re already shipping yourself off to some fucker that would just treat you all wrong.”
Lan Xichen winced at the words. “I… can’t entirely disagree with what you say and I’ve not met Lord Jiang Cheng but I wouldn’t comment until I’ve met him.”
“Hmph! He’s probably like any other nobles out there, arrogant, short-tempered and a proud bastard. Nothing good ever comes out of nobles. They’re all a disgusting bunch, the lot of them!” Wanyin spat out.
“Well, you don’t know if that’s true. He could be kind, gentle and loving.”
Wanyin’s expression looked as though he ate something bitter. “I doubt so.”
“You speak as though you know him.” Lan Xichen cocked his head one side. “Do you?”
Wanyin raised an eyebrow at him before he shook his head. “No, I don’t but all nobles are the same.”
Lan Xichen chuckled at the answer. “Am I like that? Arrogant, short-tempered and proud?”
“Please. You’re so much better than a noble. You’re probably the only noble who likes hanging around a pirate like me.”
Lan Xichen’s laughter was soft yet he had kept laughing for a good whole before he settled down. His nervousness had all but disappeared and Lan Xichen finds himself amazed at the fact that Wanyin was able to make him relaxed in a matter of minutes.
“If you don’t think you can marry someone like him, then you can just leave him. No one will care if you married or not, especially your elders who treat you like nothing but a puppet. It’s time to think of yourself and to let yourself go from the burdens of being a noble. Imagine! A world with no care and nothing weighing you down. You could be free and just enjoy life!” Wanyin exclaimed.
Lan Xichen gave a strained smile. “It is easy for someone as free as you to say that. If I go, follow my heart’s wishes, my brother will be alone. He will be the one who has to face the elders. He will be the one alone, taking on the responsibilities that are meant to be mine. I don’t think I can make him bear that burden.”
“From what I hear, your brother is more than capable of manning the house without you around. You’ve done your part for far too long. It’s time to be free.” Lan Xichen remained silent, eyes fixed downwards.
“Tell me, Lan Xichen.” Lan Xichen looked at Wanyin, whose gaze was steady and prideful. “Do you really want to be tied down in this dull, boring life?” Wanyin looked over the wall, steadying his gaze before turning back. “Or do you want to be free, living life to your heart’s content?”
Lan Xichen hesitated. “But, A-Zhan…”
“What do you think your brother would say to you?”
The man pondered over the question.
Like, mother said, follow your heart.
Wanyin stretched out his hand, eyes trained on him. “My crew is always looking for new men. What say you, Lan Xichen?”
Lan Xichen stared at the slender yet calloused hand. The man, dressed in his wedding outfit, mere hours away from being a married man.
He took the hand and a bright smile appeared on Wanyin’s face. “Good choice.”