Chapter Text
Life was perfect for one Lucy Heartfilia. Zeref was beaten and gone, her book had been published and was starting to sell out to her pleasant surprise. She had a caring family both in her guild and in her celestial spirits, they shared a bond and love like no other and it only made her stronger. Her prospects were great and her future could be really anything she wanted. There were no problems...well maybe a slight problem when it came to love and how much she should be feeling for those around her, specifically her spirits...well two spirits in particular.
Yes, Lucy Heartfilia, whose whole life was ahead of her... just had to go and fall in love with both Loke and Aries at around about the same time and it made her want to tear out her hair.
She was once more in the guild, once more waiting for her friends to arrive so they could start a job, once more thinking about how terrible this all was. Not only had she fallen for a celestial spirit, a being arguably far out of the reach of mere mortals anyway, but she’d fallen for two. How greedy or self absorbed was she? Either her heart couldn’t make up its mind and was much too finicky for its own good or her head was so large she believed herself worth not just one immortal being but two. She wasn’t sure which delusion was worse, or which made her the worse person.
She groaned onto the wooden table, face in her arms as her brain overthought this issue. There had to be a way to solve this right? She couldn’t be greedy and have both, despite the many fantasies the nighttime provided her, so what could she do? There was a thud beside her and she lifted her head to see Erza had joined her at her table, her face a picture of strict concern.
“Are you alright Lucy? Did you have enough sleep?”
She sighed, sitting up properly but not able to manage a smile for her friend, which was a shame in its own right.
“I’m alright. I slept fine I just...I guess i’m overthinking something, it’s ok”
“Would you like to talk about it? I’m always here for you if you need it”
“I know Erza, but it’s not something I want to trouble anyone else with”
A sturdy hand went to her shoulder, a warm, non judgemental gaze. Erza had really welcomed her role as a guardian of Fairytail and she personally oversaw that everyone was kept happy and safe. No problem was too large or too small for her family, it was normally very admirable, now it was just annoying.
“It won’t be a bother, it would be best to tell me now though, before the rabble comes”
That was true, if she was going to eventually break down and tell Erza about this, she didn’t need Natsu’s loud mouth reporting it to everyone in the local area. This probably wasn’t the smartest idea, but she’d kept this in for so long it was probably getting a little unhealthy. She had started summoning them more and more for battles, even letting them stay a little bit afterwards, just for some time with them, it was getting out of hand. If this helped cool her off or feel even a little bit better, it was worth a shot.
“It feels a bit awkward to just come out and say it...but beating around the bush seems a worse idea.” She sighed, giving herself a moment to try and pluck some courage from nowhere. “But I’m in love with two separate people. I have no idea what to do, I’m certain my heart beats for both of them, but surely I should just pick one?”
There was a beat as she took in the response, clearly doing her best to think this through to better help her friend.
“It doesn’t surprise me, that with a heart as large as yours, that you found yourself finding the best in two people and loving them. I’m assuming these are people you get to spend a lot of time with?”
She shrugged, trying to not disclose the fact they aren’t even human just yet. One step at a time Lucy, reveal that you’re actually crazy one step at a time.
“I do spend quite a bit of time with them, I’ve upped that time recently actually but it’s definitely not frequent. I don’t meet up with them as often as I do with everyone else and one on one time with either is practically non existent. The unique situation we’re all in prevents us having a lot of time together.”
“But do they know each other? Discussing this with them both might be a good idea”
“They know each other but I definitely can't tell them about this! At least, not right now, while I’m all messed up. They’re best friends basically and I can't unload this onto them until I have my mind and heart sorted, what if I upset them? I don’t know how they’ll react so I need to be as calm and truthful as possible when the time eventually comes to choose...But choosing is so hard Erza” She groaned, perhaps a little dramatically, as she laid her head back, resting it against the top of the chair. “He’s so romantic, not that I tell him his flirting works, he could literally and figuratively sweep me off my feet with such ease. He’s quick with a one liner, but he’s also so sincere. I have no doubt that even if the love he feels for me is platonic, it’s incredibly deep. He truly cares for me and wants to protect me. He makes me feel safe, like if he’s by my side nothing can go wrong. He’s also incredibly handsome and clearly works out. He has abs that could make you drool but that’s just a plus I think, I’m not about to confess my love for them, but it’s hard not to imagine being held against them at night. Moving on, I love her for almost the opposite reasons really, it’s so weird”
“Her?”
There was a small amount of surprise on her friend’s face and she felt herself get a little tense, oh yeah, she hadn’t mentioned that yet.
“Yeah I...I love a man and a woman, I’ve found myself attracted to both genders before...It’s never really needed to come up and we’ve been so busy with one world saving job after the other it never really seemed relevant to mention it, so umm…”
The hand moved from her shoulder to take her hand.
“You don’t need to explain yourself Lucy, it’s my fault for assuming and not asking for clarification. I’m glad you’re so comfortable in yourself to tell me this, so what’s she like then? You said she’s different?”
The tension left her at the easy acceptance she was shown, it was nice to get that off her chest, the small crush she had had on Erza when they first met though could stay buried deep inside forever. She nodded, mind easily returning to its current favourite subject.
“Yeah she’s really adorable you know? While he could be on the cover of some sketchy magazine, she’s much sweeter. She’s incredibly cute and seeing her I just want to sweep her up into a giant hug and keep her in my arms forever. She has such a kind heart and tries her best but she can be spooked so easily. I just want to pick her up sometimes and protect her from the world you know? But even though she’s trembling she will still stand by my side and fight, there’s a bravery in her that I don’t think even she sees and that’s such a shame. I really do wish she’d believe in herself more, that she’d see the amazing person I see. You know, It’s weird, while I want him to sweep me away like a princess, I want to do the same to her. I want to treat and spoil her and really care for her. Is this weird?”
“No, I just think you happen to have different tastes that are being met by the both of them, there are many possible reasons why you could want a certain relationship with one person. But hearing you talk about them both you had such a reverent tone, you care for them both deeply that’s clear. I suppose asking them to be together with you is too much to ask?”
She flushed a deep red at the mere proposition of them all being together as lovers. Surely that was way too greedy? Asking them both to go for it might make them uncomfortable, they were clearly very close friends with a rich history, asking them to make the jump to the next stage just for her is a bit...What if they don’t see each other that way? Or maybe they are already dating and haven’t told anyone and she’d just be interrupting a good thing and-
“Lucy! You’re panicking, please calm down. I’m sorry, I just wanted an answer that makes you happy, but I see now that it’s more complicated than that. So please, breathe.”
She does just that, always following her lead, she starts to take slow breaths as she calms down, the mages of them both looking at her disgusted floating away to probably be brought up another time in a nightmare.
“I understand Erza, but that’s probably not a good idea. Considering how close they are, it could put a strain on us all”
“Hmm alright then, if you can't have both you’re going to need to make a choice. I won’t have you playing them for fools and messing with their hearts, you understand me?” The sharp glare immediately had her straightening up and nodding, a little offended that she thought she was capable of playing them like that. “We’re going away on a job, so why not stay and take this time for some one on one time with them both? Talk to them and see them outside of battle or the romantic image you have for them. I’m not saying you don’t love them both, but try to figure out which one it is that you want to spend your life with. I know the few days we’ll be gone is a short time to do this, but if you can then you can confess without guilt. Then you’ll get your answer to this whole mess one way or the other.”
That sounded like a solid strategy, you can always rely on Erza for that, but there was one issue with it.
“What if all this does is make my love for them both deeper and I get to the end of the time limit even more confused?”
She frowned in response, doing her best to be direct but also supportive.
“Then I suppose we’ll be having another conversation. But I really do think that if you’re still confused you should get them together and at least tell them what's happening. Let them know what you’re feeling and that you’re doing your best to work it out. If they are as supportive as you say I’m sure they’ll understand, perhaps even willing to help you. I believe that to be the simplest option...but I know the heart doesn’t always go for that, so all I can say is I’m here and do your best”
A part of her really wanted to go for it, for this heartache to be over, for good or for bad. Another, much larger part, was a coward.
“But Erza, book sales or no, I need these jobs to keep the landlady happy, my rent needs to be paid.”
“I’ll cover it this one time”
“...You’ll what?”
Should she really be so surprised she was willing to go to this extreme?
“I’m the one making you stop working, so i’ll pay for this month's rent, I make more than enough to cover it, don’t panic. Just go and have fun, if nothing else, enjoy your time with them without worrying. You owe both yourself and them that. Be a little selfish for once alright?”
She wasn’t sure if Erza understood just what she was asking here, but she had a point. If she spent a day with Loke or Aries overthinking every little thing they’d pick up on it. Then they’d worry about her and it would sour the mood of the day. She had to see this as just an opportunity for a fun day out, her heart could wait until after.
“...Alright, I’ll try it”
“Great, off you go then”
“What?”
“You shouldn’t waste a second, I’ll tell the others that you’re taking a few days off for yourself, blame it on the stress of becoming a famous author. I could give you a week before their curiosity and worry overpowers even me, so get to it”
“What? But-”
“Don’t think about it. Oh, and good luck Lucy”
With that a door slammed shut in her face. How was she already outside?! Well she could marvel about the mysteries of the well-intentioned Erza Scarlet at a later date. She apparently had the more pressing issues of the heart to tackle.
She could already feel the headache starting to come on.