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Hinata is sick of being a waste of energy.
He’s tired of always coming in second place to kageyama. People only ever knew his name because of Kageyama’s sets and Kageyama’s skill.
He feels utterly fucked over.
No one sees him as an individual, but as part of set where kageyama is in control.
He’d be damned if he ever let people think that way for long.
He hates kageyama.
He really does, this isn’t a childish game to him, he truly hates kageyama with every bone in his body. He sincerely hopes those around him can feel the hatred seeping from his skin, that they can sense the pool of loathing coil in his stomach at the mention of Kageyama’s name.
Kageyama is always better then Hinata, not as a guideline, but as a rule. It never mattered and never will matter how goddamn hard Hinata tries, kageyama will always find a way to get under his skin and he hates it.
The worst part of it is, kageyama isn’t scum of the earth, Hinata is.
Hinata hates himself for hating kageyama. They’re partners, they’re teammates, they’re friends. It’s utterly disgusting that he hates someone he defines as a ‘friend’. What does that say about his other relationships? What does that say about him as a person? It’s truly revolting.
Hinata desperately wants to make things okay again, he wants to be happy around kageyama and he wants to be able to fight by his side instead of against him, but he can’t.
Hinata thinks Lady Luck has a distaste for redheads.
He searches for a sign, any goddamn sign, that will tell him what to do, that will tell him that everything’s gonna be okay and that this will pass.
There just isn’t one.
There’s no sign and Hinata isn’t shocked.
He can feel the frustration reverberating in his bones, and he cries.
—————————
It’s 3:04 am on a Sunday morning when Hinata decides to confront kageyama.
He knows Kageyama’s family is on vacation and that kageyama had to stay behind for volleyball. Dutiful as always.
He gets on his bike and pushes the ground to start moving.
A simple motion, but if you notice carefully you can see the way he lingers a little, the flash of disconcerting apprehension in his eyes, the way his foot shoves the ground harder then usual, the way his eyes fill with tears, the way he’s crying and he’s only halfway to Kageyama’s house. He pulls out his phone and wipes his nose on his sleeve.
H: ‘Come outside.’
K: ‘Hinata? What the hell?’
‘...Hinata whats this about?’
‘Are you okay?’
‘Hinata answer me’
Hinata doesn’t answer, he waits. It’s an eerily cold June night. June isn’t supposed to be so cold, it’s supposed to be warm and inviting. The beach days, the way the sun gives off beautiful rays of scolding heat, rays that a busted space heater can’t give.
Kageyama stands by the front door of his house.
“Hinata?” He calls apprehensively, squinting and rubbing his eyes, groggily approaching his useless counterpart.
Hinata bursts into tears.
“I hate you.” He whispers, bike handle slipping from his sweaty grasp to thud lightly against the wet grass.
He casts his glance downwards, completely consumed in his own hatred and muddled feelings.
Kageyama stiffens.
“Hinata you—“ His voice breaks, and Hinata looks up.
Kageyama isn’t crying the way Hinata is, he’s just still and quiet.
Hinata hates it, hates him.
“You, “Kageyama swallows thickly.
“Why?”
“Why?” Hinata whispers.
“W-why the fuck do you think? You’re better then me! You-you’re a better player then me, you’re taller, you’re—,” Hinata’s face scrunches in distaste.
“You! You’re you, and I hate you!” He screams, silent tears resuming their cascade down his face.
Kageyama stands still for a moment, and it’s quiet.
They stand and listen to Hinata’s subtle sobs and gasps for air.
Kageyama takes an agitated step forwards.
Hinata looks away.
Kageyama takes another step forward, this time with more rigor.
“‘M sorry.” He mutters, and Hinata is disgusted.
“How can you say that? Aren’t you mad at me? Don’t you hate me too? Why don’t you hate me!? I can’t stand you! ‘Sorry’? ‘Sorry’!? What’s wrong with you!” Hinata yelps, taken aback by Kageyama’s words, he haphazardly shoves kageyama. Kageyama is a rock, he doesn’t budge. Hinata shoves him again, it’s the same result.
Hinata sobs, grasping the folds of Kageyama’s shirt, burying his face in the fabric.
Kageyama wraps his arms around Hinata tentatively.
Hinata doesn’t reject the gesture, pushing himself closer to kageyama, breaths coming in short, tearful pants.
Kageyama holds him, and they stay like that.
It’s a comfortable silence that lasts for five minutes before Hinata pulls away.
“I-I hate you cause you’re better then me but,” he mumbles. “Most of all, I hate the way I look into your eyes a-and my heart melts and I h-hate the way my life is falling a-part just cause of y-you and I hate the way I love you.”
“Hinata.” Kageyama frowns, and Hinata can’t bare to respond.
“Come here.” He continues, gesturing to the house behind him.
“I’ll make tea.”
Hinata nods solemnly, although he doesn’t know why. Every fiber in his lithe frame is screaming at him to run, instead, he lets kageyama take him by the hand and lead him into his house.
————————
It’s warm.
So warm in Kageyama’s house.
It envelopes Hinata, and he hates that too.
He hates how safe and nice it feels being in Kageyama’s house.
Kageyama sits beside him on his worn, plush gray couch.
Kageyama opens his mouth to speak, but promptly closes it.
Hinata doesn’t care, all he can feel is disgust coiling in his stomach, not at kageyama, but at himself.
“I’m sorry, Hinata.” Kageyama starts, and Hinata is about to interrupt when kageyama shuts him up.
“But, you’re wrong. I’m not better then you, I don’t care what you think, it isn’t true. We’re a team, we’re only as good as the other, and if you’re really feeling as shitty as you look right now, then I’m probably not doing my part the way I should be. I had no idea you felt this way, in fact, I’d always been worried you’d try to surpass me and find a new partner, a better one but...” kageyama bites his lower lip negligently.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you. And that’s all there is to it. I guess you could say, I feel the same.” He mumbles softly, and Hinata is dumbfounded.
Was it... really all that simple?
Had he been overthinking everything?
This whole time?
Hinata starts to laugh, and he knows he sounds insane but, he can’t help it. This whole situation was a bit insane anyways.
Kageyama stares at him bewilderedly, but after a few moments, joins in on the other’s antics.
Then it’s just them, the two of them, laughing at each other and themselves.
How ridiculous.
Hinata slowly calms down, and gazes at kageyama with raw emotion stinging his eyes, and he hugs him.
“‘M sorry I’m such a dumb partner.” He mutters into the tearstained shirt.
Kageyama rubs his back affectionately.
“You’re not dumb, just an idiot.” He sighs.
Hinata melts further into his embrace, and time stands still.
Maybe things really were that simple. Maybe, they did hate each other. Hinata didn’t care anymore, he had kageyama now, in his arms, and that was all that mattered.
Maybe, maybe it would be alright.