Work Text:
Lieutenant Commander Wei is, uh, more dirty than usual and that does not give Commander Lan any strange, possessive feelings, because he always feels a little possessive around Wei Ying anyway. He's been called to the engine room for an unspecified problem with the words, "Hey Lan Zhan, you need to see this, it's so cool."
Wei Ying pulls something out of the guts of the ship and presents it to Lan Wangji with a grin on his slightly dirty face. How did he even get so smudged? Starships haven't worked with engine grease since the 2180s. There's nothing that could make him look like this. Is it makeup? Does Wei Ying just go around artfully smudging his cheekbones with thick black liquid to look like he's working particularly hard? It's not entirely out of the question, especially since their science officer enables him in every possible way. Nie Huaisang finds the prank war Wei Ying keeps up with his brother on the USS Yunmeng extremely hilarious and gives Wei Ying open access to all labs on the ship.
Lan Wangji stares at the thing. It looks like a ball of mottled brown fur, with no visible ears or other protrusions. Just a breathing ball of fluff that makes soft chirping noises. It's actually very cute and Lan Wangji reaches out to touch it. Wei Ying grins. "You can have this one, there's at least five more chewing on the main conduits."
That's... probably not a good thing. They're clearly some kind of pest. Lan Wangji takes the offered critter and looks at it from all sides. It doesn't have a face either, how can it exist? "What is this?"
Wei Ying shrugs as he dives down into the Jefferies tube again, his voice echoing faintly. "I don't know, but I'm damn sure they weren't in there before we docked at Deep Space Seven, so that's probably where they came from. I call them space bunnies."
Lan Wangji swallowed. "They don't look like bunnies." For one, they don't have any legs.
Wei Ying pops back up, two more critters in his hands. "Yeah, well, it's the closest thing I could think of, because they apparently, heh, breed like bunnies. When I found them this morning, there were only two."
Alarm klaxons begin to go off in Lan Wangji's mind. That's an exponential growth rate. If they're left to their own devices, they might overrun the ship, never mind what they feed on. "Wei Ying, have there been unusual energy signatures?"
Wei Ying grins at him. "I mean, yeah, obviously - these little fuckers apparently love sucking on the power lines. We're going to have to make sure that they don't do that anymore." He looks at the two in his hands. They're really very cute. Wei Ying smiles brightly. "I guess we could just put them in one of the cargo bays for hazardous material."
Lan Wangji nods. "Do that." He's still holding on to the one Wei Ying gave him.
+
Two days later, Lan Wangji regrets all of his life choices. If he'd never joined Starfleet, he'd probably be a musician with the United Earth Symphonic Orchestra, instead he's holding about twenty very cute, very cuddly, very dangerous monsters in his arms, as more are piled onto him by an increasingly frantic Wei Ying.
"They've somehow eaten through the hull, there's a hole the size of your head." Lan Wangji would ask why his head specifically, but this is a situation in which silence is probably the better part of valor. Most situations are.
Wei Ying pops up out of a pile of these critters. He looks a little wide-eyed, a little like he's about to do something very stupid, or already has and wishes to confess to it. "Listen, if we're going to die, I want you to know something. I always-"
Alarms start blaring, ship wide red alert. The voice of the computer sounds like someone's particularly stern mother. Wei Ying always says it reminds him of his adoptive mom and shudders. Lan Wangji has never been brave enough to ask.
All crew to battle stations. Unidentified vessel on intercept course. Estimated time of arrival: Five minutes. All crew to battle stations.
Wei Ying jumps out of the hole the critters have dug and takes Lan Wangji's hand. It's hot like a branding iron or standing too close to a plasma fire. "C'mon, let's go!"
+
The Klingons are terrified and that should terrify all of them. Wei Ying, with his heritage, tries to avoid being seen on the bridge at all cost as they confer with the captain of the bird of prey. Lan Wangji remains on deck, standing behind Captain Mian-Mian, one hand on the back of her chair.
"Your Federation thinks it is so mighty, yet you have invited death upon your ship." The Klingon captain repeats for the third time. He's been telling them they are carrying a first class bio-hazard for the past twenty minutes. A critter falls from the ceiling. The Klingon shrieks. "There! You are beyond saving. Our duty is fulfilled, may your gods follow you into death."
The screen goes blank and the bird of prey goes hot, all weapons aimed at them. Lan Wangji is staring at the little monster. Tribble, that's what the Klingon called them. A small name for such an enemy as the Klingons described, too scared even to keep up their usual posturing. It is clear that these things have dug deep into the collective Klingon consciousness.
Lan Wangji hears himself order shields to maximum. The first impact of disruptor fire knocks the wind out of them. The USS Gusu is not made for war, they're a long range scientific scout. They don't even have photon torpedoes on board. Wei Ying's voice comes over the intercom.
"So, Lan Zhan, about that thing I was going to say-" there's the crackle of fire and things exploding in the background. The engine room has been hit pretty hard.
Lan Wangji interrupts. "We're not going to die."
A moment of silence, screams of pain in the background. Someone needs to send medical down there. Wei Ying sighs. "Right, right. I suppose you want me to come up with a better solution. You know, after I make sure the warp core doesn't explode." Lan Wangji can hear the sarcasm dripping from those beautiful lips.
"Yes, I trust your abilities," Lan Wangji says.
Wei Ying just groans. "Sure, yeah, sure. One fucking miracle, coming right up."
+
Lan Wangji can't believe it actually worked. He's staring at the view screen, watching as the bird of prey retreats with all due haste, followed by a shuttle filled to the brim with all their little Tribble friends. That's warp 7 at the very least, the fastest he has ever seen on a ship that size. It's frankly impressive. Wei Ying is walking onto the bridge with the widest grin on his face. The crew are clapping for him.
He comes to stand in front of Lan Wangji, lips curled into a challenge. "Come on, Commander, say it."
Lan Wangji fights the urge to roll his eyes. "Wei Ying is the ultimate Starfleet officer/genius."
Wei Ying grins at him and pulls him close. They're on the bridge, this is highly inappropriate. Lan Wangji doesn't care. Captain Mian-Mian is pretending she can't see them. "Hey, Lan Zhan," Wei Ying whispers, eyes full of mirth, "you know how all this adrenaline works on half Klingon physiology, right? I think I need some exercise."
Lan Wangji does not run to the turbolift, dragging Wei Ying behind him, but it is a near thing.
+
Wrapped around a naked Wei Ying, Lan Wangji remembers their newest near death experience and shudders with how close it was. "You were trying to tell me something," he says instead, distracting himself by running his fingers through Wei Ying's long hair. It's straight instead of wavy, as Klingons would wear it. He doesn't look like anything other than human, a product of a particularly unpleasant sleeper agent program.
Wei Ying sighs. "Ah, now you want to talk? This is much easier when we're both about to die."
Lan Wangji smiles. "Wei Ying."
"Alright, alright!" Wei Ying sits up in bed and faces Lan Wangji, holding both of Lan Wangji's hands in his. "I have always, always been in love with you, right, you know that. But, Lan Zhan, I want to be in love with you forever. I want to marry you."
Lan Wangji's eyes widen. He's trying to breathe, he's sure that he knows how, but right now he doesn't remember. His heart beats like the fluttering wings of a bird against his ribs. "Yes," he says, his lips dry as the desert. "Yes. Of course I will marry you!"
Wei Ying smiles as bright as the stars in the emptiness outside their window.