Chapter Text
If there was anything Crisostomo Ibarra was guilty of, it was perhaps his sense of assurance that everything was going exactly as planned. It was bordering on hubris, this blind confidence in himself and that things would fall into place- it could’ve almost even been ignorance.
Now, for the longest time, Crisostomo’s been in love with his high school sweetheart, Maria Clara. They had been together for a short while, during Grade 12, and though things had become blurry and confusing by the end of it, Ibarra’s always believed Maria Clara was special, maybe special enough to even think he was still in love with her.
Maybe, he reasoned with himself, he had made a mistake having ended it with her. Why else would he still hold her words so close to his heart, above all others’? Why else would he appreciate the warmth of her smile, and the cadence of her laughter? It just made so much sense the more he thought about it. There were so many stories of people breaking up, and always a semblance of antagonism attached to it, no matter how small. Maybe the fact that he felt nothing of that sort for her meant he was still in love with her. Maybe it meant he truly, sincerely made a mistake.
“I hope we can still be friends,” he had said back then, and it wasn’t a flimsy excuse at civility; it was an honest sentiment. He wanted her in his life, if she’d have him.
And by the gods, she did. She wasn’t mad; she never even peeked hatefully at him in secret, even when her friends would make jokes about their break-up. Sinang, for one, laughed at the two of them, drunk on the cheap beer their little group had gotten one night, shouting “I remembered you!” at Maria when sweet Victoria told them of a joke about staying friends with an ex. Maria Clara, in all her mercy, had smiled at her friend and did nothing more. She hadn’t voiced out frustration, hadn’t slapped Sinang by the shoulder in aggressive agreement. Maybe because there was nothing to voice out. Maybe… maybe she wanted him in her life, too.
Maybe she was like him. Maybe she hasn’t moved on.
The day he finds out that Maria Clara’s vaguely involved with someone is… surprising. Hahaha, fuck, who is he kidding? It hurt. Crisostomo had wanted to maybe find some solace in their friends; after all, they’d know all about it, if she somehow neglected to update him on her life. It was of little comfort to him, knowing they didn’t have any idea about it, either, besides the name.
“Alfonso Linares,” Sinang had read from her phone. “Nicknamed Fons. He studies in the same university as her, even under the same course. Maybe he’s a blockmate.”
The pooling of dread in his gut thickens all the more.
“We just saw the posts, same as you,” Andeng had said gently in explanation, regarding Crisostomo with sad eyes, almost as if he had worn his heart on his sleeve. Maybe it was just really expected; after all, it was possibly Maria Clara’s first relationship after him. It inevitably would have hurt. Everyone almost expected it to.
Now, Crisostomo was not exactly the type of man who would force his way. If he were being truly honest, he’d think that he may have the potential for it (for some reason, the name of Simoun calls out to him, even if he doesn’t understand why), but it doesn’t apply in this situation. Really, who was Crisostomo to tell Maria Clara what to do with her life? It hurt him, but it didn’t mean she didn’t deserve to be happy with Fons. It hurts to think about- even thinking about the guy’s name fucking hurt- but playing blind wasn’t exactly a choice if it was going to turn out to be the truth, was it? For all intents and purposes, Ibarra was ready to let it go and just let things happen the way it was supposed to.
But in the back of his mind, it just wasn’t fair letting this all happen. Maybe she was still in love with him. Maybe this was her way of moving on. Maybe Fons was an unwitting rebound. The last thought wasn’t correct by any means, and it didn’t seem to be something Maria Clara would do, but break-ups were hard and complicated and he honestly didn’t know how it could’ve affected her.
(He thinks of her saying the words “’Di na ‘ko gan’on ngayon,” and he can almost hear it in her voice.)
Maybe, and just maybe, it would’ve been better to let her know just what he felt, before he can feel comfortable letting her decide what to do. The way he thought about it was that it was no use letting her choose “the best course of action” without actually telling her about the real available options. Maybe he was an option. Better yet, maybe he was an option she’d choose.
He didn’t want to think about it. It was no use getting his hopes up, anyway; he knew he’d gladly let her go if she wanted that. No use teasing himself with the outcome he wanted, if the outcome he didn’t want was just as possible. It was out of his hands. It was all up to her.
He just had to let her know.
For reasons that may only be accepted by him, he doesn’t tell their friends of his plan. He knows how cutthroat the girls’ criticisms can be, or how pitying their eyes can get when they see him sad and beaten. It’s not something he wants. He doesn’t want critiques following his every move, or sympathetic glances every time he words his intentions wrong. It flusters him too much out of his normalcy. He’s usually a guy who can keep his emotions in check, but he also knows how weak and volatile and jittery he can be about things close to his heart. Like his dad, maybe, God bless his soul.
No, he will not have the girls find out about this.
So he plays it cool. Tries to get Maria Clara to get talking the next time they all meet at Coffee Been, trying first to find out about Fons. Maria Clara had only smiled mysteriously, even as their other friends had asked for details, too; Crisostomo can’t really blame her, as Maria had always valued her free will and privacy. Or maybe it wasn’t serious enough yet to tell others about. He didn’t know.
He startles when Maria Clara’s eyes look toward him. “Why do you ask, Cris?” And that’s enough to have the other girls look at him, first in recognition, and finally that pity…
“I just wanted to ask you guys out!” he blurts, stupidly. Fuck. Ito na nga ba sinasabi ko, e. He was so flustered he could barely stop his mouth from running.
“Ask us out?” Now Maria Clara actually, genuinely looks surprised. “Just us three?”
God, just thinking of three people, him third-wheeling already sounded so pathetic and desperate and embarrassing. Never mind that it was going to be Maria and Fons. “No, no, of course not!” he amends, before cursing himself. “I’ll have someone with me, too!”
And damn it, if he didn’t just want to clasp his hands over his mouth.
“Oh, I didn’t know you were involved, Cris,” says Victoria now, and as he looks to everyone at the table, they’ve all adopted expressions of surprise, just as Maria had. “That’s…” she trails off.
“-Good!” Sinang interjects, ever the brash one. It’s no doubt she’s talking, trying to distract from the rather tense vibe that’s befallen the group, and Crisostomo can almost kiss her cheek in gratitude. “It’s good, it’s good, it’s good. That’s fine, even. That’s fun! ‘Bout time you stretched your legs a little, right?” she says, slapping Crisostomo heartily on the shoulder.
“Yep!” he says, with a strained little laugh, trying so hard to summon the energetic vibe he really can’t feel at the moment. His mind’s running a mile a minute.
Okay, you can excuse this! Maybe say that it’s not really serious, what you have with this person, and get rid of her right away! That way, you don’t actually have to show up with anyone! Yeah, okay, that’s good! It’s a plan!
“Will we ever find out who?” Maria Clara says, and the corner of her lips raised, almost in an amused tease.
“Uh,” Crisostomo starts lamely, just as his cellphone starts ringing. At the back of his mind, he thinks it might be his partner for the Psych Assessment Report- maybe calling to ask when they can meet to finish. For some reason, though, it comes off to the girls as anything less than academic. “It’s-”
“Who is that!” Victoria exclaims more than asks, grabbing the cellphone from his side of the table just as the girls around her start clamoring and whopping and yelling in excitement, much to the displeasure of the other patrons in the coffee shop. They all crowd toward the phone in Victoria’s hands, even as Crisostomo starts laughing at the sheer, unbelievable absurdity of it all, and the girls even take it as some sign that he’s… kinikilig.
Sinang winks at everyone in their little group, just to rile them up, before saying the name Crisostomo’s sure is displayed on his phone:
“Elias.”
The girls are hooting in joyful intrigue, and while Crisostomo starts thinking to himself exactly what to do with this shitstorm of a situation, he smiles and breathes in deep, a little assured that everything was going to fall into place.
Eventually.