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it’s hot, the first time they meet. hot enough that taehyun feels like he’s melting. suffocating. blistering and peeling with every step he takes and every touch he gives. the sun is an unforgiving miser, and taehyun is at his mercy.
then there’s a cool splash of shade, and it’s. not enough, not quite.
(not by a long shot)
but it takes the edge off well enough, and it makes him curious .
taehyun looks up. and continues looking up. and looks up a little more, until he finally sees the face of the person shielding him from the heat (albeit unintentionally).
he sees a sharp jawline and a long nose. soft cheeks. kind-of-long dark hair that looks sweltering in this weather, this ridiculous scorching of summer. taehyun is tempted to scoff at the lack of personal care, but-
the person’s eyes are kind, and soft, and sparkle reminiscent of something he can’t name even though it’s on the tip of his tongue, so he thinks that maybe he can hold off on the comments.
“uhm,” the person smiles at him, disconcerted, “sorry, am I in your way? do you need me to move?”
taehyun shakes his head, partly as denial and partly to release himself from a heat-induced stupor, and holds up a hand, “not at all. sorry for staring. you’re actually helping me there, so please don’t move.”
“helping you?” the person blinks slowly, looking themselves up and down for a few seconds. taehyun bites his lip. he spares a glance across the boardwalk, at yeonjun and beomgyu still arguing over what flavor of ice cream to buy, and indulges himself.
what harm is it, anyway, if he tries to make a friend by himself?
“with the sun,” taehyun clarifies, “a parasol didn’t really go with my swim trunks so i didn’t bring one, and you’re blocking the heat.”
the person’s mouth rounds out into a little ‘o’ shape before their brown creases, lip curling over their top teeth. taehyun’s heart sinks to his stomach, because he must’ve said the wrong thing, again -
“it’s too hot today, isn’t it?” they complain, popping taehyun’s little bubble of self-hatred, “i told my cousin the beach was a bad idea when there’s no clouds but he just said ‘ we have to, hyung we have to go, it’s the summer!’ ”
“mm,” taehyun hums, “my friends said the same thing. i’m not the biggest fan of heat, to be honest.”
“you get it! you…” the person blanches, covering their mouth after their loud exclamation, tips of their ears bright red, “uhm, i’m sorry, i didn’t even introduce myself before whining at you!”
“neither did i,” taehyun quips, smiling, “kang taehyun. he and him. you?”
“choi soobin, and uh, same.”
taehyun tilts his head, “so, soobin-ssi, you came here with your cousin?”
soobin’s response has long since faded from taehyun’s memories, but the wide smile and cold-toothed laughter that he saw soobin with until beomgyu and yeonjun came back did not.
the next time they saw each other wasn’t all that different. eager, tentative meetings for coffee in the tables in front of a cafe, more visits to the boardwalk despite their respective dislike for it, occasional invitations for picnics as a whole group with the rest of their friends.
the air was always close to sizzling around that time. global warming was as cruel as ever, unyielding and boiling them alive. but every time soobin and taehyun planned to hang out it always felt like the air was just a few degrees colder, just a little bit more refreshing.
just a little. not enough still, as if there were some other circumstances at play other than treacherous weather.
their meetings were never inside. never in a place where they’d be left alone with only each other for company, never in a place where they couldn’t be out in the open. taehyun doesn’t think they did it on purpose, honestly. at least not on his side.
“maybe we should go into the ice cream shop,” taehyun had once said, mostly joking. but soobin had only given him a tense smile before digging into his vanilla cone.
but maybe, maybe there was something that subconsciously made them fear the privacy of enclosed spaces. a wall that couldn’t be bypassed, unless they were forced to. unless someone took the first step.
the cold took the step for them.
once summer had ended and the weather got cooler, their meetings got more and more sporadic. taehyun didn’t mind. he knew there were some friendships that only lasted for the freedom of summer, that once reality got back into its swing the special little parts of life that seemed too good to be real fell apart.
taehyun didn’t mind, but he couldn’t help the twinge of his heart whenever he saw soobin and heard him say it’s been a while and we should do this more often and i missed you .
after the first snow they didn’t see each other at all for a few weeks. taehyun remembers seeing his phone next to the window, silent and still, snowflakes landing beside it on the other side of the glass. so close, yet so far.
at the third week of no contact he thinks that’s that. no more outings to the aquarium with all his friends new and old, no more hiking trips or runs to the ice cream shop. no more soobin, in general.
he starts taking walks. his phone breaks, dropped in a puddle of melted snow, and the new one doesn’t have the extra name under ‘choi’ as if it hadn’t been there in the first place. as if the whole summer just melted and dripped like candle wax out of existence, with no breezy grins to pull in into place.
if his next phone case is waterproof, then that’s just his choice.
taehyun doesn’t mean to get stranded at the convenience store. like most things, it just kind of happens to him. like beomgyu deciding he liked taehyun’s sense of humor in high school and asking to be his friend, forcing a then-not-beomgyu’s-boyfriend-yeonjun to ask as well. like happening to write his college essay with an anecdote that the admission official had had an eerily similar experience to, and the man’s decision to just...let him in.
like letting people drift in and out of his life, without trying to sink his claws into them and asking them to stay because who is he?
but this isn’t what’s on taehyun’s mind when he sits down in front of the store, staring idly into the falling snowflakes and cradling his (new) dead phone in his hands. taehyun isn’t thinking much of anything at all, then. just looking, and admiring the slightest bit of reflection of the led lights off the white coat on the ground. it’s dark, but not dark enough that he can see the stars, but he doesn’t need to with the way the snow is sparkling.
softly. kindly.
the snow crunches loudly under a rubber boot, but taehyun pays it no mind, at least not until-
“hyunnie?”
taehyun looks up, but this time he knows just how far he has to for their eyes to meet.
soobin looks a bit different, taehyun thinks. his cheeks look less round, his jaw is bonier and his nose sharper. the line of his shoulders is tired and slumped, hunched in and on himself. his eyes aren’t any less tender, but there’s a shard of fragility in the way they shake slightly as if they were struggling to even stay open.
“soobinie-hyung. it’s been a while,” the words feel foreign on taehyun’s tongue, and he startles when he realizes that he isn’t sure when the last time it was him saying it. the air in front of him puffs with taehyun’s warm breath.
soobin nods automatically, blinking repeatedly before walking closer. something swells oddly in taehyun’s chest, leaving him a little out of breath, and he prepares to scoot over on the bench. tries to prepare for a conversation he isn’t sure he should be having.
but soobin keeps walking, past him and into the store.
taehyun feels, suddenly, like a balloon with too much air. not quite about to pop, but full past the point of recommended capacity. a result of carelessness, something unintentional but irreparable unless someone undoes the knot and risks leaving him empty.
his fingers clench around his phone, white-knuckled and red from the cold. he focuses his eyes on the snow again, but soobin’s boots have marred the pristine surface of it. his tracks are broad and heavy, and the snow is falling too lightly to fill them again.
he knows that soobin has to come out eventually. no one would visit a convenience store to just stay inside forever, after all. when taehyun hears the door open he doesn’t expect anything more than a halfhearted ‘goodbye’.
as far as taehyun can tell, soobin just stands next to him. it’s the closest they’ve ever come to being alone, taehyun knows. the only witness could be the clerk, but he doubts they’re paying attention.
“i’m sorry i didn’t call,” soobin’s voice is quiet, “if it’s worth anything.”
taehyun’s head snaps to the side. soobin thumbs a set of gloves with the price tag still attached, a paper bag stuck in the dip of his elbow.
“i wasn’t able to reach you after-” soobin swallows, kicking his foot slightly, “uhm. after i had some personal problems. i tried to text you, to explain, but my messages didn’t go through for some reason and―i’m sorry, it probably sounds like i’m making excuses, doesn’t it?”
taehyun blinks as soobin laughs nervously, and were those tears ?
“i’ll just―leave these here,” soobin bows his head, putting the gloves at the edge of the bench. taehyun can only stare at them, because he hadn’t realized that soobin was already wearing gloves. hadn’t noticed. he’d just thought he’d bought some for himself.
what else had he missed?
soobin starts to walk away, hunched over, retracing his steps in the snow. taehyun stares numbly at his retreating back, watches it disappear around the bend in the street, and grabs the gloves. he slides them on, closing and opening his fists.
the fit is a bit too big, a size larger than taehyun’s hands. somewhat like taehyun’s own gloves, at home in his drawer by the door, and like most of his clothes. he remembers telling soobin he preferred to have a size up, just in case he grew a bit more, remembers him laughing with the same cold-toothed smile he always did.
with a start, taehyun realizes that soobin probably knows more about him than he does about soobin. realizes that he never really asked, never really reached out, because he’d thought he’ll tell me if he wants to.
taehyun thinks then that, for once on his life, he really should try to hold on to something instead of making other people hold on to it for him.
taehyun stands up, running and digging his feet into the snow, kicking it up into the air as he chases after soobin. though all the friends he has make him look small, taehyun is by no means short, and he uses this to his full advantage when covering ground.
soobin isn’t deaf. he hears taehyun’s panting and hurried approach, stops and turns around with an expression of vexed joy.
“i’m sorry,” taehyun wheezes, hooking a finger around the belt loop of soobin’s coat. because he’s scared , scared that soobin’s just going to walk away anyway. “i lost my phone, it fell―i didn’t call, and see if you were okay when i should’ve, hyung i’m sorry, i’m-”
soobin pulls him close, puts an arm around his shoulders and loops his elbow on the back of his neck, digging his hand into taehyun’s head. taehyun feels the hairs on his arms stand on end at the temperature difference, at the chill he hadn’t even realized was there slowly melting away.
soobin murmurs against the side of taehyun’s head, taut muscles deflating in a way that makes taehyun think like he was on the last of his candle’s wick, dangerously close to burning out.
“silly. saying sorry. you’re freezing―you don’t even live near here, do you? i didn’t question it, but you’re probably lost, aren’t you...” soobin purses his lips, “come with me.”
“but, hyung-”
“please?” taehyun wants to plead unfair, wants to pout and demand that they talk here because soobin clearly had gone through something, and he wants to try to understand, to know as soon as possible.
but he’s in no position to make demands, so he just nods and lets soobin lead him to wherever he was going.
taehyun can’t say he really paid much attention to their surroundings as they walked, sticking as close to soobin as possible to mooch off his warmth now that the other had opened taehyun’s eyes to the freezing weather, fastening their arms together. once they’re inside their destination, taehyun enjoys the blast of warmth, looking around the lobby of a clean apartment building. they bow to the receptionist, and soobin shakes off his hair from the snowflakes. taehyun doesn’t bother doing the same, hair already soaked from the time he’d spent on the bench.
the elevator ride is almost unbearable. taehyun wants nothing more than to shake soobin down and ask him everything , and he’s kind of terrified at how much he wants to get to know him. the right way, this time. no pretenseful distance, no holds barred.
taehyun thinks that he wants to know more about soobin than he knows about beomgyu and yeonjun combined, and he knows more than he’d like about both of the latter.
he follows soobin to his apartment door, holding back a smile at his little bunny keychain, with a little strap reading ‘you can do it! ’ down the side. soobin struggles to open the door, as if he were unused to it, which confuses taehyun until the door falls open and he sees inside.
the apartment is filled with boxes of various sizes. one large one is situated next to a short stool, and taehyun realizes that it’s working as a table.
“hyung…” taehyun breathes, thumbing the edge of his pocket. soobin flushes, looking down.
“i moved in a few days ago,” he says, “sorry for the mess. i haven’t had time to unpack.”
taehyun shakes his head, “don’t apologize. does the reason you moved…”
soobin grins crookedly, eyes scrunching, and steps through the doorway. “with that? yeah, kind of. it’s a long story.”
taehyun follows him through, tilting his head and giving him his own small smile.
“tell me all about it, hyung.”