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The screaming finally stopped a few months back. Now Sledge was jolted awake every night without fail from a violent memory manifesting in his dreams.
That night it was being holed up behind a ridge on Okinawa, enemy fire opening up. It always misses him, it usually misses Burgie but he has gotten it in one of these dreams before. In Sledge’s dream, a jap bullet always finds Snafu in his brain or chest.
That's what wakes him, what has him bolting upright in a cold sweat. The thought that he lost Snafu still sends him into fits, albeit quieter fits now.
He was grateful his father never asked to hear about his nightmares when they were vocal and woke the whole house up; how could he say it was because he saw the man he loved die in them?
He checked the clock on the wall while he absentmindedly packed a pipe. 4:30 a.m. the Alabama night was balmy as he leaned out his window to smoke. Summer seemed to cling tightly to his corner of creation, not willing to taper gently into fall just yet. The cicadas still sang late into the night, and Sledge took a deep breath of muggy air to remind himself he was alive.
His pipe burned itself out so he stored it away in his desk, away from his mother's scanning glances around his room when she came to give him another lecture about his future. She didn’t realize her son that had any type of future died with so many of his friends last year.
He thought Snafu was his future, they made a promise they were each other’s if they made it to the other side together. He was still Snafu’s if he never saw him again his heart would always belong to Merriell Shelton.
Their situation was a true snafu; he didn’t intend for it, thinking he was just going crazy what with the lack of female company but once he did see a woman again and had no reaction but disgust and anger, when all he wanted to do was turn to Snafu for comfort, that’s when he realized he was well and truly gone.
Neither fought it though, while Sledge was a bit hesitant at first he never once considered not taking Snafu up on his offer. He loved him, he always would. He just thought he was loved enough too. The way Snafu held him even when it wasn’t dire, the way they spent hours in the sun on Pavuvu, cuddled up in a bunk during both of their first proper winter in China, telling stories and acquainting the other with people they promised to meet. Secrets between them, kisses and more. It was heaven in the middle of a warzone. It was love.
He felt tired enough to go back to sleep, but of course, nothing was on his side. His mind wandered as he attempted to sleep a few more hours and settled where it often did: waking up alone. The betrayal, the confusion, he was supposed to go with him and to wake up halfway to Mobile by himself was worse than any gut punch he could receive.
The next time he woke up, the room was light and the birds were singing. There was noise in the house as well, busy servants preparing for the day. He looked at the clock once more, now stating it was nearing 8 a.m.
Well, he thought, there was no use in lying around. He padded down in his bare feet to the dining room, which would no doubt send his mother into a fit; he couldn’t be bothered to care.
“Good morning dear,” his mother greeted, not looking up from the letter she was reading, “Sidney called, he will be coming for a visit this afternoon with Mary. They have photos of the wedding.” She explained.
“Wonderful.” He replied shortly, his tone catching her attention.
“Well, Eugene are you alright?” Concern coloring her tone as she leveled her gaze at Sledge.
“I’m fine Mother, I just don’t sleep well you know this.” He kept his tone as even as possible, she didn’t deserve to be snapped at yet that day.
She nodded silently and turned back to what she was doing, also not wanting to fight. Sledge’s relationship with his parents had been rocky since his return- it had been rocky with everyone.
They wanted him to be better already, to just forget the war. Christ how he wished that were possible. He wasn’t looking forward to seeing Sid that day either, fearing another classic argument about moving on with him as well.
After his breakfast he holed up in his room once more, sitting at his desk he stared at another half finished letter to Snafu. He read it over.
Dear Snaf,
How have you been? Is New Orleans the same? Mobile is. It's too much the same. Thought there would be something new to occupy me but there isn’t. Did you see your friend? The one from the army? I hope so, hope you had someone waiting for you. Sid is the same I guess, it’s me who changed.
I miss you. Do you miss me? Just tell me and I’ll be there…
It was the same letter he had attempted to write Snafu a hundred times before. He didn’t know what else to say.
Like every half-written letter before it, Sledge took the one in front of him and crumpled it up, flinging it into the wastebasket. Nothing felt right, felt real without Snafu anymore. Not even something that was supposed to be for him.
He stayed in his room until his mother let him know their guests had arrived. He shook hands with Sid and hugged Mary before being whisked to the dining room for their meal. He was thankful that Mary and his mother took up most of the conversation, only needing him to speak when directly asked.
After they were finished, Sid all but dragged him out of the house to the back. Handing him a cigarette they walked around the yard.
“Eugene… you’re not ok are you?” Sid finally asked when they reached the treeline.
He was quiet for a few beats before answering. “You know, can’t say I am Sid.” He said, taking a long drag of the cigarette. He relished the hot tobacco flavor hitting the back of his throat even if it is through a paper filter. Beggars can’t be choosers.
Sid waited for Eugene to talk, his concerned silence becoming increasingly irritating.
“Christ Sid… how did we get in this mess?” He asked, scrubbing a hand over his face futilely trying to erase the war- and Snafu- from his mind.
“What do you mean? Eugene we fought in a war, but you have to live your life. You can’t dwell on it forever.” Sid said, and Eugene’s head snapped up. Ack-Ack’s words ring in his memory, you can’t dwell on any of it.
But he couldn’t stop; he couldn’t stop dwelling on Snafu and what he was supposed to have.
“Maybe you should go somewhere,” Sid began and Sledge looked at him. “Go somewhere and get your head on straight, figure your shit out for a little bit.” He explained and Sledge chuckled humorlessly.
“My mother put you up to this?” He asked with a huff. Sid frowned.
“She mentioned you were struggling, and that she was worried. Wanted to know what I thought. Told her you probably needed a little time.” He said with a shrug.
“Is there anyone maybe from your company you can go to see? What about that corporal? Bugin? Bugie? Whatever y’all called him.” He suggested.
“Burgin, we called him Burgie, and no. He just wrote that he got married, don’t wanna disturb them.” Sledge bit his lip. Was this his chance? It could be if he took it.
“Uh, think there is one guy. Thankfully he doesn't live too far away…” he trailed off, already booking the train ticket in his head.
“Well good, we just want you back to normal, and if some time away does that then by all means,” Sid said, sounding much happier.
He told his parents about his plans that night. They were happy he was doing something to take his life back. He didn’t tell them that if he had the choice he wouldn’t be coming back.
The address he got from the VA office was outside Baton Rouge and not New Orleans as he had originally assumed. The train journey was filled with anxiety, he hadn’t let Snafu know he was coming, what if he turned him away? He was sure he couldn’t face that rejection.
The address was further out than he realized, so much of his journey was spent hitch-hiking as far as people would take him. Finally, he arrived at a small house. His stomach was in knots as he climbed the steps to the front door. Taking a deep breath, he knocked.
“Can I help you?” A young man with a distinctly northern accent and hair even redder than his answered the door. Sledge was perplexed; the address was listed to belong to Merriell Shelton, who the hell was this?
“Yeah, I’m looking for Sn- Merriell Shelton. Do I have the right address?” He tried not to sound too distressed because the more he thought about it this could be Snafu’s house but this was his new lover.
“Oh!” The redhead smiled, “Yeah one minute, the fucker is out back with Gene. C’mon in” the young man gestured for Sledge to step inside so he did so tentatively.
He took in the surroundings, it was one floor and messy as all get out. The Marines can’t fix every flaw a person has apparently.
“Sorry about the mess, house full of bachelors ya know.” The redhead said, sounding nervous for some reason before continuing.
“By the way, I’m Heffron.” The man said, extending a hand. Sledge took it.
“I’m Eugene Sledge, you only have one name?” He laughed.
“Well it’s Edward but only the nuns back in Philly call me that, well and Gene. Everyone else calls me Babe, so you can call me that too.” He explained with a smile.
Sledge was still wary of this guy but he did have an infectious energy that you couldn’t help but like.
Just then, the back door opened and in walked Snafu arguing with another dark-haired man but his skin was much fairer than Snafu.
“Fuckface, you have a visitor,” Babe said to get Snafu’s attention. His eyes widened when he saw Sledge standing there in his doorway, and Sledge didn’t know if he wanted to vomit or bolt or both. They just stood staring at each other for an undetermined amount of time.
“Sledgehammer?” Snafu asked breathlessly. Sledge could cry, nobody had called him that in over half a year. Snafu’s slow cadence wrapped around it like a blanket on a cold night.
“Hi,” was all he could say back. Babe and the other man, presumably Gene, gave each other a look and excused themselves.
“What are you doing here?” Snafu asked when they were finally alone.
“Was told I needed some time away, didn’t wanna disturb Burgie and Florence.” He said with a shrug. Snafu took a few tentative steps towards him.
“So you came here? You went lookin’ for me and you came here?” Snafu asked and Sledge nodded. He dropped his seabag and also took a few steps closer to Snafu.
“After I- you still came…” Snafu said, speaking more to himself than Sledge moving even closer. Sledge followed his lead.
Finally, they were standing toe to toe, silently searching one another.
“I- Eugene fuck I’m sorry,” Snafu said, voice thickening. Sledge wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold Snafu but he didn’t know if that was allowed.
“Why? Why just… leave?” He asked and Snafu shook his head.
“Thought you’d better off, that life with me would only be hard. You didn’t deserve that.” He explained, shaking his head almost as if to clear the thoughts of the past.
“Snaf, I promised you I would always be yours. Nothing has changed for me, I couldn’t keep living on my own. Not after knowing what could have been- what should have been.” He said, hearing the melancholy in his own voice. They wasted so much time, he hoped they weren’t about to waste anymore.
“Same here Sledgehammer,” Snafu said softly, a sad smile on his lips.
They finally closed the gap between them- both emotional and physical. Their lips sealed together not just in a kiss, but a promise. This was their life if they wanted it, and they did. God help them they did.