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(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)
"We know you want to help, Captain Underpants," George said. "But you can't."
"This is caused by a germ," Harold added. "Germs are too small to punch."
George nodded. "While I hate to agree with Professor Poopypants, sometimes laughter isn't the best medicine. You need real medicine and real doctors to fight the coronavirus."
"Also washing your hands. A lot." Harold looked at his hands. "I don't even have any ground in crayon marks left."
"And social distancing helps." George looked sadly at Harold from a safe six feet away. "No sleepovers or playdates. And we thought it was bad when Principal Krupp was going to put us in separate classes."
"Now we can't even go to school!" Harold thought a moment. "Weird, I'm not even happy about that."
"That's all we can do to help," George said. "It's not as if we could even make face masks. I tried, but staples on paper... it doesn't work."
Captain Underpants frowned. "Nonsense, my trusty sidekicks. Never underestimate the power of underwear!" He pulled off his briefs.
"Nooo!" Harold said. "Oh, wait, I forgot."
Captain Underpants was still wearing his signature tighty-whiteys. "There's more where that came from. Monday! Tuesday! Wednesday! Thursday!" he proclaimed while ripping off a never ending supply of underwear, like a magician's scarves. "Ha-ha! Unlimited underpants!"
"It's true," George said, "we did give him that superpower. But I don't see how it helps!"
"I fight for truth, justice, and all that is pre-shrunk and cottony!" Captain Underpants said. He twisted and flipped the latest pair of briefs in his hands, and pulled the result on as a mask. "Five Ply! I dare any germ to pass this barrier of righteous, and comfortable, panties!"
"Um." Harold looked at Captain Underpants. "It's... a new look for you?"
"Tra-la-laaa!" Captain Underpants leaped into the air, trailing a cloud of face mask folded briefs. "I shall deliver them to the medical practitioners in this fine metropolis for distribution among the honest and embattled citizenry!"
"That's our hero," George said.
Harold nodded in agreement.