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Ichigo hated when people got too close. It grated on his skin, even his father wasn’t exempted when he got into Ichigo’s personal space. His sisters and his mom were the only ones he didn’t mind. He never really thought why.
When he met his hollow, and then the Vizards were kicking their way into his life.
Shinji became another one that he didn’t care if he hanged all over him, but now he had his hollow in the back of his head telling him why.
“It’s the way he smells, king. Protective of Us . ”.
Ichigo didn’t have time to explore anything beyond an understanding then it was important, there were battles, school, war, and then suddenly he was powerless, alone, and everything felt muted.
He tried focusing on school, tried to pretend everything was fine.
Then he started losing time because he would have moments where nothing felt real, and his body felt like he was a pebble in an empty room. He would usually be in the same place he zoned out in, a few times he was miles away.
The one bonus of everyone not really paying attention to him, that his moments of dissociation were overlooked, and he wouldn’t worry anyone. He did wonder why no one told him about the potential side effects but he dismissed it as probably just something to do with his hybrid nature.
Months went on, where he would cycle through moments of being present and losing himself.
Ichigo scoured the web for anything to help. He took to wearing an elastic, snapping it when he questioned if things were real or not. Wrote Zangetsu, His own name, and anything else he could on his wrist hidden under the sleeve of his school uniform. It helped enough, that he could at least pretend to be fine.
When Ichigo got his powers back, he thought, naively, that it would stop.
He had less frequent episodes and when they happened Zan would take over, and Getsu would curl around Ichigo in their soul world muttering “we are here, this is real, you’re not alone.”
Zan taking over was helpful because with his powers back came attention again. No one really noticed the switch, and if they did, they tossed it up to the nearly two-year separation.
Except for Shinji.
“You’re not Ichigo,” Shinji muttered as he settled to sit beside them.
They had retreated to a patio outside the rambunctious celebration, far from anyone, when Ichigo felt himself sliding.
"I told King you would notice," Zan agreed as he started up at the starry sky.
"You smell different," Shinji shrugged, careful to keep a respectful distant looking up at the stars too.
"You know of everyone, you are the one I least understood why you never visited King."
"One man in his time plays many parts," Shinji quoted.
Zan snorted, looking toward Shinji with a pointed look, "I ain't King, quoting Shakespeare isn’t getting you out of this one."
Shinji lips quirked, but he explained, "I didn't think it would, but I don't really have excuses, I let myself get distracted playing the part of Captain as if it was my only role. I was being a coward."
"Honest, you know most just threw Isshin or the Captain-Commander under the bus."
"I am not about to buck dropping the ball," Shinji shook his head, "and we did, didn't we?" it was asked almost rhetorically.
Zan sighed, and pulls up their sleeves and shows off the elastic and the red bleeding welt that Ichigo had snapped into their wrist, "King isn't okay hasn't been since he lost us, "there was silent and you and the others, "and getting us back is helping but it isn't perfect."
Anyone else Zan wouldn't have answered, wouldn't have shown Ichigo's vulnerability but this was Shinji, and he still smelled like vicious protection and importantly remorse and worried.
Shinji gently grabbed their wrist and using a basic healing Kido reduced the welt and stop the bleeding, "For what it is worth, I will try,"
"Good," Zan nodded, they tilted their head listening, "King is ready to return."
"Be talking to you later then," Shinji acknowledged, still careful gripping their wrist.
Zan slipped back into the Mindscape as Ichigo settled back to the forefront.
"Shinji," Ichigo greeted cautiously as Zan filled in the blanks. He really couldn't fault Zan for revealing what he did. Even if he nervously had to wait to see what Shinji was going to do with the information.
"You come to me when you start to slide like that, preferably before you break the skin," Shinji stated as he pulled Ichigo close and curled his arms protectively around him. Resting his head on Ichigo's shoulder. His fingers were gently rubbing along the scars that Ichigo had built up from snapping too long and often.
Ichigo felt flustered by the contact and the bluntness, even as he couldn't help but to relaxed into Shinji, his scent just had the effect on him.
"you are in soul society most of the time working," stating the obvious flaw in Shinji's plan. Ichigo lived in the human world and was attending University, and Shinji had his people and work in soul society. He and Zan never tried travelling between planes when having an episode out of caution.
"I would not wish any companion in the world but you," Shinji quoted softly, continuing in the same tone, "I am not leaving you by yourself, not again."
Ichigo blinked in shock as the meaning sunk in, looking at the seriousness on Shinji's face he blurted out, "You are a captain again, you can't just leave that." Not for me.
"I
Beyond all limit of what else i' th' world
Do love, prize, honor you."
He nearly gave himself a stroke with how fast the blood rushed to his head. Surprisingly his Brain still worked enough to connect the dots. A lot of things made sense .
"You can't just quote that part of the Tempest at me," Ichigo's distress had Zan crackling in their mindscape.
He made note he was stabbing whoever let slip to Shinji The Tempest was his favourite.
Shinji smirked, "I mean it, you know."
"You damn tricky bastard," he grumbled even as he swung his leg to straddle Shinji so they were face to face.
"You know this won't fix me," Ichigo pointed out, "I will still be broken."
Shinji cupped the side of Ichigo's face, "you are wounded, not broken, you need support, Ichigo. I fucked up for nearly two years, let me help now please."
It was silent between them for a moment, the party still raging one in the background, Ichigo leaned his forehead on Shinji's, "okay," because what else could he say.
Maybe he would regret it, but he doubted it, not with the way Shinji was staring at him like Ichigo was precious and worthy to protect.
Shinji grinned and surprised Ichigo when he pulled Ichigo close, dropping a kiss on his head.
"I am going to do this right, I promise."
He didn't need right, Ichigo thought as he hid his re-flamed blush in Shinji's laughing chest, this was enough.