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“Kokichi, if you really cared for Gonta, explain yourself to everyone and-”
“I don’t... want to.”
Silence flooded into the trial room. The air fell still, as if the mere drop of a pin would shatter everything around them. Nobody moved a muscle, save for the hardly noticeable tremble of the balled fists hanging at Kokichi’s sides.
Shuichi opened his mouth in shock, about to break the silence with a line of confusion, until someone else’s voice had risen up first.
“Then don’t.”
It was quiet and barely audible, yet it caught everyone’s attention. Every head turned to face the source of the reply; the small girl in the back of the room, who was still wiping tears away from her eyes.
“Himiko…?” Shuichi piped up. Nobody had expected for her to choose this moment to speak up. She took a deep breath.
“In the last trial… when… Angie and Tenko…” Himiko mumbled with a shaky voice and her usual meekness, taking small steps towards Kokichi, “this was the same moment you told me to stop lying to myself, to stop holding back… You are too, right? You’re… trying to tell yourself you don’t care about Gonta. Or maybe even Miu.”
Kokichi was stunned into silence. He stood locked in place, his wide eyes attempting to stare daggers at Himiko for every inch she came closer. It looked as if he had run out of lines of defense, and his walls were finally beginning to crumble. His heart had been beating quickly due to his earlier outburst in front of the late Gokuhara, but the determined eyes now staring back at his own were causing it to beat even faster.
Only a few moments ago, his mind was racing in attempts to pick up the pieces of his usual facade, hastily improvising a plan to fake his tears and put on another show he was so well-known for. Although now, the pressure of everyone’s eyes on him with a look of curiosity and possibly even a hint of empathy; it was causing his brain to draw a blank, and his eyes to sting. Every part of his body was working against him.
“You- You shouldn’t defend someone like him, Himiko…!” Tsumugi tried to argue, but Kiibo placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.
“I think we’ve all forgotten that Kokichi is also human. Perhaps in this moment, it’s best we consider his true feelings,” he chimed in. He gave Himiko a reassuring look to continue.
The redhead stopped directly in front of Kokichi, and gave what felt like the first compassionate smile anyone had given him throughout the entire game.
“You’re right… It really does feel better if you cry it out instead.”
At that very moment, a dam seemed to have broken inside of Kokichi. A rushing river of every single emotion he had been suppressing was now hitting him all at once. He dropped to his knees with a loud thud. He hunched over and kept his head low, shadowing his face with his hair and pulling his scarf up to muffle the chokes and sobs that escaped his lips. Hot, heavy tears streamed down his face and fell to the floor while his shoulders shook uncontrollably. For the first time, he gave a loud wail that sounded so genuine and full of pain compared to his usual crocodile tears. The sound echoed around the room; a sound so foreign to the others as it was coming from the one person they never thought they’d hear the real thing from, yet at the same time, a sound that they could all feel familiarity and sympathy for. It was a scene from Kokichi that no one was prepared to see.
The others were quickly convinced; they collectively decided it would be best not to pressure him too soon, and one by one, they each filed out of the trial grounds. Himiko and Kiibo were reluctant to leave Kokichi’s side as they could tell he was truly hurting, but Shuichi mouthed a quiet ‘thank you’ to them, and assured them that he can handle the boy from here as he took a seat next to him. With that, they waved farewell and left the two to sit alone together on the cold floor.
Shuichi slowly ran a comforting hand up and down Kokichi’s back while he patiently waited for him to calm down. He watched him closely, deep in thought. This turn of events had surprised him; Kokichi truly was unpredictable, although…
He really is just a kid. He feels guilt and grief, just like the rest of us.
Once Kokichi had gained enough composure, he sat with his knees up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs. His hair still hovered over his face, not allowing himself to look in Shuichi’s direction.
“...I’m sorry.”
“What?” Shuichi slapped himself mentally for the pathetic reply, but hearing an apology from Kokichi made him tense up.
“The number one rule of my organization is not to kill anybody. I broke it,” he muttered, hugging his knees closer to his chest. The detective moved the hand on his back to rest it on his shoulder.
“Kokichi… what we’re being forced to do is twisted. I can’t… I can’t blame you for acting in self-defense,” Shuichi spoke softly, looking for the right words to say, “We’ll all get through this. Together. Everything that’s happened will be put behind us, and no one has to die anymore. I want us to be able to trust each other.”
Kokichi let out a quiet, bitter laugh.
“It’s hard to trust when people are dying left and right… and when there’s still a mastermind among us.”
He was right… trust is hard to come by in a killing game. Shuichi knew that, yet he couldn’t stop himself from pushing for more.
“Then at least trust me,” Shuichi whispered. Kokichi lifted his head to give him an unreadable expression, and it remained like that for a while. The silence and lack of response were beginning to unnerve Shuichi, so he closed his eyes and began to backtrack.
“I, ah… I don't know if I’m the type of person you’d be willing to trust, but I-”
“I do.”
Shuichi’s eyes snapped open, and he stared at the other boy. He had a subtle, gentle smile forming on his face. It was very faint; much less lively than the usual wide grins and smirks Kokichi would sport on a normal day, but it held a sense of warmth and sincerity. Shuichi couldn’t look away.
“I already trust you. You don’t have to do anything else to earn it. You’ve done that more than enough times,” he finally lifted his head to look directly at him. His eyes were puffy and red, and tear streaks were left on his cheeks. He’d never seen Kokichi look so vulnerable, much less heard him confess his trust in him at the same time. The usual fake crying he did never left a trace on his face whenever he stopped, so seeing him wracked in such a state of grief caused a pang of pain in Shuichi’s chest.
The detective’s thoughts must have been clearly readable on his face, as Kokichi darted his eyes away and turned his head. Nevertheless, he continued to speak before Shuichi could give a reply.
“That’s not a lie. I can show you my room,” he muttered. Shuichi’s interest piqued.
“Your… room? Why?”
Contrary to the way Kokichi looked, he let out his signature snicker. Hearing it almost felt relieving to Shuichi; he was glad he was beginning to feel better.
“...If I trust you so much, maybe it’s time I finally let you in on everything.”