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If there were two things true about James Potter, it would be that he's gorgeous and oblivious. He was also oblivious about being gorgeous, which was a completely separate problem. If Sirius were to make a list of everything great about James, number three would be that's he's great at Quidditch, and number four that he's stupidly good at Transfiguration. He had made a list once-- or at least started on it-- but he'd gotten to thirty before realising that it was pointless to keep track where someone could easily find. Everyone already knew he was great, there was no reason to leave around evidence that Sirius was fully aware of it too.
That being said, he was pretty sure James thought Sirius hated him. This is where the oblivious part of James got dialed up to one hundred. Anyone else would've long since figured out that he was flirting, but no, not James. Apparently, he was becoming convinced that the professors were conspiring to kill him by always seating them close together. Sirius had tried, to no avail, to explain that they took the same classes that had small sizes, and for the ones where they had large classes, the professors had figured out that Sirius caused less trouble if he was next to James. So if it was a conspiracy about anyone, it was Sirius, not James.
Speaking of conspiracies: Benjy fucking Fenwick. Benjy wasn't a bad guy-- far from it-- but in this moment, Sirius kinda wanted for him to spontaneously come down with the flu. Or a really bad cold. A little trifle to get him to stop talking immediately. They were in Defense, and for some reason Professor Archibald thought it was a good idea to leave them by themselves for an undetermined amount of time. And bloody Benjy decided that he was going to ask James on a date, with Sirius sitting right next to him, getting more irritated by the second.
If it had been anyone else, they would have immediately understood what was happening and either said yes or no. But it was James at the height of being a dumbarse, so he said, "I normally go with Remus and Pete," when asked if he wanted to go to Hogsmeade with Benjy.
"Right, but I meant would like to go with me instead of them this time."
"They tend to argue if I leave them alone," was James's response, and Sirius rolled his eyes.
"I'm sure they'd be able to survive without you for a few hours so you could have fun."
James frowned, all confused, and Sirius decided that enough was enough.
"He's asking you on a date. Merlin knows why you'd be interested." He glanced at Benjy and added, "No offense."
Benjy didn't get a chance to answer because James got offended on his behalf. Or maybe not on his behalf because what he said was, "Hey, I'm a bloody catch."
"What do you think I said?" Sirius asked.
"You said you didn't know why I would be..." James trailed off, frowning. "Wait. Were you saying you don't get why I'd be interested in Benjy?"
"Yes. Nothing personal," he said to Benjy.
Thankfully, Benjy looked more amused than offended. "It's fine."
"Why is it nothing personal? I'm confused."
"Don't worry about it," Sirius said, giving him a condescending pat on the head.
James scowled at him. "Don't be rude. And I'm not a bloody dog, don't pet me."
Sirius put his hand back in James's hair and ruffled it.
"I hate you," James sighed, pushing at Sirius's arm to get him to stop. "Anyways Benjy, I'm not really interested in you in the... dating way. Sorry."
Benjy shrugged with an easy going smile that was at least a little bit faked because rejection was never easy, even if you weren't head over heels for the guy. "It's alright. I didn't realise you were already taken," he said, and then he walked back over to his desk. Because everyone was chatting with their friends and messing around casting spells, nobody else was paying attention to them.
James tilted his head curiously. "Taken? Who does he think I'm dating?"
"Probably me," Sirius said, since James wasn't going to put it together by himself, and it would be more embarrassing if he had to ask one of his friends for help understanding.
"Why would we be dating?"
Sirius rolled his eyes again because his other option was to snuggle him and call him a lovable idiot. "Maybe because everyone wants to?"
"Well that's not true."
Sirius gave him a flat look. "You didn't know that he was asking you out, do you really think that you have a good grasp on who fancies you?"
"You don't fancy me."
He didn't bother to change his expression.
James blinked at him. "Wait, really?"
Sirius didn't bother to answer, leaning his head into his hand and raising an eyebrow.
"There's no way. You hate me!"
"You're such a tosser."
"See? You do. Stop being weird and go back to plotting my death or whatever it is you do to entertain yourself."
If it had been literally anyone else, they would have realised that yes, Sirius fancied them. But oh no, not James. James had to have it said to his face and not get it. It's a good thing Sirius got rid of any semblance of pride back when he was thirteen and realised that nobody cared how seriously he took himself. If Sirius still had any pride, he would've rolled his eyes one more time and gone back to doodling on his parchment, but he had nothing better to be doing right now and talking to James was always fun (if exasperating). "You must think I'm awfully morbid."
"Aren't you?"
"Of course not. You don't plan someone's death, that's a good way to get caught."
James knew he was joking, thankfully, but it was a bit up in the air how much he knew Sirius was joking.
"In case you were wondering, that was a joke."
...and now James was back to scowling. Great. "I know what a bloody joke is, thanks. And if our dumbarse professor isn't coming back any time soon, I'm going to actually have fun." James grabbed his bag and went to sit by Remus and Peter.
Sirius huffed, his mood turning sour. Back to doodling it was.
Benjy fucking Fenwick threw a wad of paper in front of him to get his attention.
"What?"
"He's pretty, but he'd dumb as a flobberworm sometimes; I wouldn't worry about it."
"It's sodding annoying, is what it is."
Benjy gave a sympathetic shrug, then went back to actually looking at the course work.
Sirius glared at nothing in particular, wishing that he could just walk up to them and sit down. He had no pride sure, but he did have self preservation; he'd totally get hexed if he tried that.
"Prongs," Remus said, pinching the bridge of his nose, "you know I would die for you, but you are so buggering stupid I'm about to kick you off of your chair."
"What? Why?"
Remus dropped his hand, staring at James flatly. Peter was giving him a similar look. "Are you serious, right now? Really, mate?" Peter said.
"Are you going to clue me in?"
"You've been pining after Black for how long? And then when he tells you that he fancies you, you accuse him of wanting to murder you? I'm sorry, Prongs, but there's only one way to explain that: you are a fucking idiot."
"He didn't mean it," James said, affronted. He would've noticed something like that, despite what his friends thought about his observational skills. Sirius flirted with everyone! That's how he entertained himself, the same way James thought about the next Quidditch game and possible plays. "I would know if he had meant it."
"Would you?" Peter asked.
"Yes!"
"Alright, mate. Let's say we believe that," Remus said. "What motivation would he have for telling you a lie like that in the first place?"
"To embarrass me! He probably knows I fancy him and was going to humiliate me when I said that I fancy him too."
"I thought you said Sirius Black is the physical embodiment of everything good and beautiful in the world."
"He is!"
"And yet you think he would do something like that to you."
"He's great, I'm not. This isn't that complicated, Moony."
"So you deserve the terrible things that happen to you?"
"Well I wouldn't go that far, I'm not so bad when you get down to it."
"So you wouldn't deserve it if he played that sort of prank on you?"
James opened his mouth to answer, then paused. Frowned. "You're not my best mate anymore. Peter, you just got upgraded."
"Fuck no. One, I agree with everything he just said, and two, I don't need the pressure that comes with that title. I am perfectly happy as the second best friend. It's where I'm going to live out the rest of my days, and you can't make me."
"As your still current best friend," Remus said, pointing towards where Sirius was sitting, "I'm telling you to go ask him out and leave us alone until you need help planning what you're doing on that date."
"He's not going to say yes."
"You're wrong," Peter said. He sounded awfully certain about that, so James flipped him a v but go to his feet.
"Fine. When he shoots me down, you have to get sloshed with me, and you don't get to complain."
"Uh-huh."
James sighed and walked back over to their desk. "Sirius."
"Yeah?" he asked, looking up.
From this angle, his eyes looked a very deep shade of grey that James kind of wanted to drown in. Seriously, how great would that feel? Maybe if Remus and Peter were right about Sirius fancying him-- which they weren't, but whatever-- he'd get to see them from even closer. "D'you want to go on a date with me?"
Sirius blinked. "Are you joking right now? You turned me down like two minutes ago."
"Well I had thought you were joking. Wait. Was that really you saying that you fancied me?"
"Yeah, mate."
"Merlin's pants, I'm going to have to tell Remus that he was right. Do you know how insufferable he is about that?"
"I can't imagine it's nice."
"Anyways, was that a yes? Because I totally thought you were going to turn me down and I don't have a plan."
Sirius kicked the chair towards him. "Sit down, we can figure something out."
"So it is a yes."
Sirius chuckled. "Yes, it's a bloody yes, James."
He sat down, then ruffled his hair as he thought of something. "Were you jealous of Benjy asking me out?"
"How is it that you had no idea while it was happening, but now that it's past, you actually notice things?"
"Bugger off, you were totally jealous. Aww," James cooed, "you were all jealous, that's adorable."
Sirius laughed when James playfully pinched his cheek. "You're going to be absolutely horrible about this, aren't you?"
"Yeah, there's no getting around that. Think you'll survive?"
"Sod off, I'll outlast you any day."