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Sirius knew that Remus was having a good time flirting with one of Lily's muggle friends, so when he dragged him away, he shot her a smile and said, "He'll be back in a minute," instead of saying nothing like he wanted to.
"Wh- Sirius I was busy."
"There's a cute boy," Sirius said through his teeth.
"Congratulations," Remus said, then tried to leave, only for Sirius to yank on his arm before he could get anywhere. "What the hell, mate?"
"What do I say to him?"
"How should I know?" Remus asked irritably, wanting to go back to his conversation. It was refreshing to meet someone that knew who Shakespeare was for a change, and he wanted to get back to that.
"You go on dates all the time!"
"You could too if you weren't so damn picky."
Sirius gave him a flat look, because they'd had that conversation before. Remus didn't see the harm in casual dating, and Sirius was of the mind that he needed to feel something for them before going on a date. Evidently, thinking someone at this party was cute was enough of a reason to want to date him.
"Just- I dunno, bloody talk to him. Pretend you're normal and start a conversation like you would with anyone else."
"I don't have conversations with random arse people."
"Well now's a good time to start," Remus said, giving him a little shove in one direction and walking off before Sirius could stop him. There was always a chance that Sirius would chase after him, but thankfully, he took the hint this time and left him alone.
Sirius had meant to take Remus's advice as best he could, but he ended up not getting the chance. Sirius took a breath in as he walked up to him, only for the bloke to turn at the wrong moment and spill his drink all over Sirius's shirt.
"Oh my god. Oh my god, I am so sorry," he said, heat rushing to his face in embarrassment. "I- oh fuck, let me- here I know where the washroom is, it should get most of it out."
Sirius could have resisted because it didn't matter, he'd be able to spell it out of his shirt once he got home, but he was already being pulled out of the room with a warm hand in his own. "Stop panicking mate, it's fine." Besides, what were the chances that what he'd spilled would be that bad?
"You say that, but then you go home from this party and tell the story about the stupid wanker that spilled an entire drink down your front. It's not exactly how I wanted to be remembered."
"You wanted to be remembered?" Sirius asked, and he blushed harder as he opened the right door. Now that he saw it in a brightly lit room with a mirror... yeah, it was kind of bad-- or at least, it would've been if he didn't have a wand that could fix this in seconds (bloody sucked that he was a muggle, otherwise this wouldn't have been a problem at all). There was a bright red stain across his once white shirt, and it looked like it was still spreading.
"Bugger. Bugger, bugger, bugger, I'm so sorry," he said, turning on the sink and haphazardly untucking Sirius's shirt.
Heat rose in his cheeks, but he was going to be cool under pressure. "You could at least tell me your name before you start undressing me."
He cleared his throat, face as red as Sirius's felt. "James."
"Sirius."
James nodded, wetting a washcloth. "Lily's mentioned you in her letters."
"All bad things, I'm sure."
"Eh, used to be," he said with a grin.
"Careful James, you're awfully close to convincing me that Lily and I are friends."
"I would never do anything of the sort."
Sirius laughed, enjoying the way James's hands felt on him. James wasn't groping him by any means, but he wasn't being careful to minimize contact either.
After a while, James managed to get the vivid red color down to a pale pink, and Sirius figured that there was no time like the present to make a move. He grabbed James by the front of his shirt and pulled him in, kissing him a touch awkwardly. It got far less awkward when James kissed him back, but there wasn't much he could do overall since it was his first kiss.
Sirius was panicking. He was panicking so much that it felt like his heart was just going to give out and he'd drop dead here in the middle of a muggle pavement. He was in muggle London wandering around. Merlin, why was he in muggle London? He had his wand sure, but he didn't know what to do out here, he didn't have any bleeding muggle money if he needed it. Of course, he hadn't planned to be out here, he just found himself there with no warning.
His parents had found out that he was dating not only a bloke, but a muggle bloke, and they'd fucking lost it. They hadn't kicked him out because they'd been too upset to think of it, so Sirius had run out before they could, barely grabbing a jacket and shoes. Wearing jeans and a tee while at home probably hadn't done him any favors in hiding their relationship.
He felt battered to all hell, but it probably didn't look that bad. He was having trouble breathing, and there was a bit of a limp, but he was pretty sure he didn't have anything on his face-- his parents were usually pretty careful about that. He wasn't one hundred percent sure this time since they had reached new levels of angry with him, but no one was giving him a look like he had a black eye.
It was hot and muggy out even with the sun down. His hair was sticking to his face in sweaty strands, and his shirt was probably more damp than dry at this point. It would've been cooler if he took off his jacket, but it felt like it was the only thing keeping him together. He didn't know that he had a destination in mind, but after an hour or two, he found himself in front of the Potter's house. He shouldn't bother them. He should turn back around and go home, but the thought made him start to shake, and everything started to land on him at once. He was exhausted, his body was starting to wear down, he was hungry, and he was about to start crying. Mr. and Mrs. Potter were both pretty nice, but were they nice enough to let him in when it was this late and he looked so disheveled?
He shouldn't bother them and he knew it, but his other options were even less appealing. The worst the Potters could do was tell him no, and that wasn't so bad. He walked up to the door and curled a hand into a fist tight enough to keep it from shaking, then knocked.
Mr. Potter was the one to answer the door, and he was frowning. "Sirius? What are you doing here so late?"
"Erm."
Then his eyes went wide. "Er, where are my manners? Come inside, of course, come inside." He ushered Sirius in, closing the door softly. In a quiet voice, he asked, "Are you alright?"
His fist was shaking now. Merlin's pants, it felt like he was about to crumble into pieces right here in the Potter's entryway. "Yeah," he said, trying to keep his voice even, but he knew it was wobbling, "my erm- my parents, they-" he broke off, rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his hand. "Is James here?"
Mr. Potter stepped to the side and motioned towards the stairs. "In his room." He didn't mention anything about Sirius starting to cry, and Sirius liked him all the more for it.
"Thanks," he muttered, walking past him. "I'll keep the door open, I remember." He probably should've knocked on James's door instead of just opening it, but he didn't think about it until after he'd opened it.
James was at his desk doing homework, and he looked up when he heard the door. "Sirius? What's..." he started to say, but he trailed off as he took in how Sirius looked. "Bloody hell, what happened to you?" he asked, getting to his feet.
Maybe he didn't look as unaffected as he'd been hoping. Sirius wiped at his eyes again. "My er, my parents found out I was dating a-" a muggle "-a bloke." He swallowed thickly. "They weren't very pleased."
"Did they hurt you?" James asked, his voice that careful tone of quiet and even like if he asked Sirius in a regular voice he would freak out and leave.
Sirius shook his head, pulling James into a hug. "It doesn't matter."
"Sirius," he said, sounding pained, "if they hurt you, that matters. Are you in pain right now? Do you need to go to hospital? What's-"
"Stop worrying," Sirius said, resting his head against James's.
"Stop worrying? You show up injured in the middle of the night, and I'm not supposed to worry?"
"It's not the middle of the night," he murmured.
"That's not the point," James said, letting go. "Are you okay? Do they do this often?"
Sirius rubbed at his eyes some more. "Well you're my first boyfriend, so no."
"Yeah, but we've been dating for a year. Is this the first time?"
"Yes. Bloody hell, I don't know what you're kicking up a fuss for. It's not like they kicked me out or some shit, I just needed some air so I left."
"You needed air," James said flatly. "That's what you're going with, you needed some air."
"Did you get a stick up your arse when I wasn't looking? It's not like I'm crashing in your room, I just wanted to see you for a minute."
"Yeah and-" James blew out a breath, running a hand through his hair. "I mean, I missed you, so I'm happy to see you, but there are some parents that would fucking kill their kid over something like this. I'm not being worried for no reason, I'm trying to make sure that you won't turn up dead one day. I don't think that's so unreasonable of me."
Sirius quieted, shifting his weight. "They wouldn't do that," he muttered. "They'd disown me sure, but they wouldn't... not that."
"Well. Good to know," James said awkwardly. "I mean, I really like you, but it's not worth it if it's going to get you hurt, y'know?"
"I appreciate what you're trying to say, but my parents have never approved of my decisions. They're always pissed with me about something, I'm not going to start changing now."
"Okay. If you're sure."
"I am."
James nodded and gave him another hug. His touch was more gentle than before, probably worried about hurting him worse. "Just- if you do need to break up to be safe, I wouldn't judge you for that. I understand."
"Not happening," Sirius muttered. "But thanks."
After a while, they moved to sitting on James's bed, chatting about nothing important. Mostly it was Sirius asking questions about his muggle school since he didn't know how to edit his stories from Hogwarts.
Mr. Potter knocked on the door as he leaned against the doorframe. "Not to pry, but are you staying the night, Sirius? We can make the guest room for you."
"Thanks Mr. Potter, but I should be getting back home." Sirius gave James a quick kiss then got to his feet.
"If you're sure," he said neutrally. "Come on downstairs then, I'll give you a ride."
During the year, Sirius gave his letters to James to Lily, and Lily would send them home, and her parents would post them to James for him. During the summer, Sirius didn't have to bother with that, he would just pop out and visit. James didn't spend a whole lot of time at home, either going out for lunch, meeting his friends, or going to parties; Sirius tagged along, always told that he was as welcome as James was.
He didn't want that to change, but now that his parents knew about his muggle boyfriend, they decided that house arrest was their best option. He was still allowed to send out Archie (originally Archimedes, but the nickname pissed off his parents so he used it) with letters, which meant he was back to sending them to Lily first. James's replies made it to him in the same manner, and Sirius didn't much like where James was going with his topics because it sounded like he was talking his way over to a break up.
So in his next letter, all Sirius wrote was James, if you're going to break up with me, just go ahead and do it.
The reply was substantially longer than he'd been expecting, and if he felt a bit like a sap laying in his bed reading the second half of it over and over again, no one would know.
Sirius, 100% NOT WHAT I WAS DOING
I just worry about you. My mum and dad are great about us, and they've been fine with me liking blokes since before I told them about it. I know you said your parents wouldn't kill you, but they have hurt you and now you're not allowed to leave. What if you need help and can't get it? I'm sure you know all of this so me bringing it up won't help, but that is what I was thinking. It was more of a reminder that you don't have to stay in this relationship at the cost of your personal safety. If you're sure, then you're sure, and I'm happy to be with you (even if we hardly ever see each other).
While we're on the subject of us (I know, I know, we never really got OFF the topic, but still), I guess I wanted to let you know that I love you. Blimey that sounded a lot better in my head. I sort of wanted to casually let you know, but it's impossible to have anything be casual in a letter. Everything looks so official. I had wanted to tell you in person for the first time of course, but that's not an option right now, so... you know. Just imagine that I said it while we were getting ice cream or something. Like we had two cones, walking along the pavement holding hands. Much more romantic than a letter, don't you agree? But I'm only sixteen, so I'm sure I'll get better at this romance thing before it bothers you too much.
Anyways, I was thinking next time we see each other you'd let me braid your hair? You've mentioned it before, and I've been practicing a few techniques on Mum (she thinks it's cute that I'm trying so hard, but reminding her that my hair is totally useless when long didn't win me any favours). I wish I could go to the same school as you and Lily, it sounds like fun, plus we'd get to be around each other all the time. Oh well, at least you have a good time when you're there.
Love you, James
Sirius knew that his parents hardly ever came into his room, so he left that letter with his normal ones from his other friends and didn't worry about it. He'd been helping Regulus with some homework in the family library, so when he walked upstairs and saw his father standing in his room, one letter in hand and an enraged look on his face, Sirius knew he was in deep shit.
However, Sirius cared about the letter in question more than he cared about an extra bruise or two, so he grabbed it from his father's hand and shoved it in his trousers.
Despite what Sirius had told James before, Father had a look in his eyes like he might kill Sirius for this. He clamped one hand around Sirius's upper arm, his grip so tight that Sirius winced and automatically tried to pull away even though he knew it was futile. "In love," he said, voice low and shaking with rage, "with a muggle ."
Sirius swallowed nervously. Technically, he hadn't said it back. He did feel that way about James, but he'd been too nervous to write it down.
"You have ten minutes to get out of my house and never return." Father let him go and half shoved him to the side so he wasn't in the way whenever he strode from the room.
Well. So far this was going better than he thought. He burst into motion, not sure if he'd get the full ten minutes or not. He dragged his school trunk out from under the bed, glad that he kept his school things in there even in the summer. He shrunk it and stuffed it in the pocket of his knapsack, quickly followed by the stack of letters on his nightstand. This bag was too small to fit everything even if he had the time, so he shoved his boots on his feet, happy that he'd taken to keeping them next to his bed instead of by the door like he used to. Boots on, jacket on, he grabbed a few items of clothing from every drawer and put them in the pack. He had a handful of other items that he didn't think he could easily replace (a book on motorcycles, a few pieces of jewelry, the little coin pouch he had set aside), and he hurriedly stuffed them in as well. The book took a little persuading, but he was able to buckle it shut.
He wished he could say goodbye to Regulus, but did he have a choice? There was no way he'd be allowed to roam through the house looking for him. Before he could truly worry about, he saw Regulus at the foot of the stairs.
Reg looked up and frowned. "Why do you have a bag? Where are you going? I thought you were grounded."
Sirius threw his arms around him, hugging tightly. "I've got to go. Be good, Reg."
"What're you-?"
"Don't touch my son!" Father roared, casting a spell at Sirius that flung him away from his brother and straight into the wall.
"Dad! What are you doing, put that down!" Regulus screamed, shoving at his wand hand. Father kept it unerringly pointed at Sirius though, and the next spell sent the table next to him crashing down. "Leave him alone!"
There were cuts on his face, but Sirius wasn't going to waste anymore time. He'd said goodbye to Regulus, and it was the best he was going to get. His entire body ached and his face burned, but he tried to ignore all of it, heading for the door.
Regulus was still screaming at their father, but Sirius couldn't make out the words. Either he'd gotten the wand away from him or he'd said something half convincing, because there wasn't another spell that hit him as he closed the door to Grimmauld Place for the last time.
He started walking at a quick pace, practically running for the edge of the street. He couldn't go to the Potters' again. Remus lived all the way in Wales and probably didn't have the space to take him in, besides. That left Lily as his best option, for the moment at least. He'd been to her house before, but it was a bit far to walk, and he didn't want to show up with no warning. Lily would take him in no question, but he didn't know her parents that well. All he needed was one night to try and figure out how buggered he was in the grand scheme of things, because he wouldn't be able to do it with the time he had left today.
There were... Merlin, telephones that you could pay to use, Lily had shown him how to use it, and he was pretty sure the change was still in his pocket. He double-checked, found that he did have coins but fuck if he knew which one was needed. He'd figure it out when he found the telephone, hopefully. But actually, before that, he needed a washroom. There was blood running down his face, and he didn't want to deal with getting blood on his shirt on top of everything else happening right now.
He ducked inside a building that was similar to one he'd entered with James when they both needed the loo, then slunk to the back and locked the single stall door. He winced when he saw his face in the spotted mirror. He looked a bit of a mess. It looked like- well, it looked like a vase had shattered on his face. Sirius hadn't noticed before, but his nose was broken. He knew how to heal a broken nose, so he got out his wand and fixed it. Unfortunately, he didn't know how to heal cuts, so he was left with splashing his face with water and gingerly drying it with cheap paper towels.
He gave his face another once over and grimaced. He still looked like a mess, but there was nothing he could do about that right now; this was the best he could do. On his way out of the stall, he saw one of those telephones at the end of the hall. He headed straight forward, peered at the slot and put in a coin that was the closest in size. He'd memorised Lily's number, so it wasn't all bad news today.
"Evans residence," someone said, and it didn't sound like Lily.
"Hi. Erm. I'm looking for Lily? My name's Sirius, I know her from school." Friends. They were friends and he didn't mention it. Merlin and Morgana, he was bad at this.
"One moment please."
Sirius tapped his foot nervously, wondering if the call had been ended without him knowing. Should he try again?
"Sirius?" Lily asked.
"Yeah."
"What's up? Are you at James's?"
"Er. No."
"How are you calling?"
"One of those pay things you showed me."
"Yes, and why are you calling? Are you alright?"
"Erm. My parents. They sort of. Erm."
"...Did they kick you out?"
"Yeah, a bit." He swallowed, staring very hard at the little buttons in front of him. "Do you think I could stay with you tonight? Just- just the one day, I need somewhere to stay while I figure out what to do."
"Jesus," she whispered. "Yeah just- give me one second to ask my parents. One second, I'll be right back."
More silence, and enough time for his nerves to make themselves known again.
"You still there?" Lily asked.
"Yeah."
"You can stay with us. It won't be your own room or anything, but it's a roof," she said apologetically, as if she weren't doing Sirius a massive favour.
"No that's great," Sirius said thickly, wiping at his nose. "Thanks Lils."
"Anything for you, mate. Where are you? I can come get you."
"I dunno. Started walking, ducked in the first place I could find."
"You- your parents live on Grimmauld, right?" she asked, only stumbling a little over wanting to say 'you live on Grimmauld'.
"Yeah."
"That's close to the curiousities shop, do you know where that is?"
"Yeah." He'd been to both the muggle and magical sides, once with James and once with Remus.
"Okay, go over to that, I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Thanks."
"See you soon."
Sirius gingerly put the phone back how he'd found it, leaned against the wall to have a moment of weakness, then grit his teeth and headed for the exit. Now that he wasn't hurrying away from his father, he was moving pretty slowly, and he didn't want to make Lily wait for him if he could help it.
He did end up getting there before her, only then he had to deal with everyone giving him looks for the cuts on his face. He took his hair down to cover some of it, leaning against the wall and wishing that he would sink into it. His ribs were starting to really hurt, making every breath an effort. He was so focused on controlling his breathing that he missed it when Lily got there, and he didn't notice her until she was right in front of him, saying his name with a concerned look on her face. "Sirius? Blimey, what happened?" she asked, but she'd been musing to herself, not actually asking him. "C'mon." Carefully, she put a hand on his back and urged him towards the car.
She didn't say anything important until they were driving towards her house. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, utterly nonjudgmental and kind. Sirius hadn't done anything to deserve a friend like her. Fourth year transfiguration they'd been partnered up for a project, and they never looked back. Instead of Sirius and Remus by themselves while their other dormmates chatted to each other, it was Sirius, Remus, Lily, and Marlene as a group.
"Not much to say," Sirius said. "My father found some letters from James in my room and told me to leave."
Lily's eyes darted to his pack. "I erm take it you're not welcome back?"
"The only way they'd want me back is if I turned into a blood purist arsehole."
"Well." Lily cleared her throat. "I, for one, think you'll make a great addition to the Evans family."
"It's just one night."
"I asked my parents if you could stay for the rest of summer, and they said yes. You'll be bunking in my room since Petunia refuses to share with me again, and I hope you don't mind that I told my parents you're bent, it's the only way I could think of to not get you set on the couch for a month and a half. Shite, I shouldn't have told them, I should've talked to your first. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking about it, I definitely should've kept it my stupid self-"
Sirius snorted. "It's fine, Lily. Honestly. If your parents minded, they wouldn't let me stay over."
Her expression twisted. "They're not what I'd call accepting, but- y'know, they aren't going to do anything absolutely horrid. Just. Ignore them if they say something off, I've talked to them about it, but they refuse to listen to reason, you know how it is."
"Yeah," Sirius said, even though he didn't, not really.
"Have you talked to James?"
"No. Called you instead."
"Well um, silver lining? You'll be able to see him again and visit for the rest of the summer hols. My parents love James, they have a big thing on family, so even if you're cuddling all the bloody time, they won't split you up or summat. That's er, that's good, yeah? It'll- it won't be so bad staying with us. But erm, maybe avoid Petunia. Shouldn't be hard since she's avoiding me, but she doesn't like the whole magic thing, and I don't want her to start yelling again." Lily let out a shaky breath. "Music? Music's good, we should-" she stopped speaking, banging her fingers against a button. Music started playing, and the rest of the drive was spent with neither of them talking.
Lily pulled the car up to a house a while later and turned it off. "Is that all you've got right now?" she asked, nodding to the knapsack.
"My trunk is in here too, but yeah."
She nodded, opening her door. Sirius watched how she did it and followed suit.
"You sure your parents don't mind?" he asked, not stepping towards the house.
"I'm sure. They'll want to talk to you some time today, so you can check with them if you need."
Sirius nodded, bracing himself for that awkward conversation. He wished one of them had experience in healing so he could breathe a little easier, but he'd heal eventually.
"I've got a book on healing in my room, I should be able to take care of the cuts for you," she said as they walked forward. "It's not comprehensive though, so we might have to deal with everything else without magic."
"That's fine." Healing the cuts was more than he'd expected, so he sure as hell wasn't going to complain about her not fixing everything.
Lily's parents were alright. Obviously they were nice, but they weren't on the same level as James's parents. It made sense that they were a little wary of him-- the leather jacket tended to do that to people-- but otherwise they pretty much stuck him in the house, newly categorized as family.
"Have you done your History of Magic work yet?" Lily asked, puttering around her room as Sirius relaxed on the cot they'd fished out of storage for him.
"Yeah." He'd gotten it done ages ago, pretty much as soon as his isolation had begun. "D'you need to see it?"
"If you don't mind. I've got no bloody idea what this war is, and I haven't found a mention of it in any of my textbooks."
Sirius carefully moved over to his trunk. "It's not in textbooks, you'd need a library. I had to dig through the Black Family library to get anything useful."
"Well not all of us have a fancy pureblood library to use," she quipped automatically, then paled. "I- I'm sorry, I wasn't even thinking."
"It's fine," he said, but it stung; it probably would for a while. He was a mess in his personal life, but his belongings were meticulously organized-- mostly because he hadn't had anything else to do with his time. He opened the trunk and pulled out the assignment. "Here."
"Thanks," Lily said, accepting it from him. "You know, if you wanted to call James, you can. Phone's downstairs, you're free to use it."
Sirius was quiet for a moment. Obviously he wanted to call James, but what was he supposed to say if James asked him how he was? He was pretty sure he'd just start crying, and that wasn't what he felt like doing. But the desire to talk to him was greater than the desire to not cry, so he said, "I think I will. Thanks."
"Anytime."
He headed downstairs, glad that he didn't run into anybody else on his way. He poked at the numbers, then waited anxiously for someone to pick up.
"Potter house, Euphemia speaking."
"Hullo Mrs. Potter, it's Sirius."
"Oh, hello, Sirius! How've you been, dear? I haven't seen you in weeks."
"I've been alright," he lied. "You'll probably see me more for the rest of summer."
"How delightful! James won't admit it to me, but I know he misses you quite a bit. I take it you're calling to speak with him?"
"Yes ma'am."
"I'll fetch him for you. It's nice to here from you, dear."
"Nice to hear from you too."
It was only a few moments before James was there. "Sirius?" he asked eagerly.
Sirius smiled to himself, eyes sliding shut in relief. "Hi James."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Staying with Lily."
There was a pause as James digested that. "That's good, right?"
"Yeah, it's good. Her erm, her parents say I can stay here for the rest of summer hols, so I'll be able to see you a lot more."
"That's always good news," he said, but it was with a tentative happiness, like he wasn't sure how pleased he was allowed to be with it.
"Yeah." Sirius swallowed, thinking of everything he wanted to say to James. "I know I never wrote it back to you, but..."
"You don't have to say it, I know."
"Yeah?" he said, one corner of his mouth quirking up. "How'd you figure that out?"
"The way you look at me," James said warmly. "It's a definite boost for my ego. Mum's giving me a look like I should've said something more romantic, but I did warn you that would take me some time."
Sirius chuckled. "Not judging, sweetheart." He held the phone tighter in his hand. "It's been a rough couple days."
"I'd imagine."
"I'm really looking forward to seeing you again."
"I am too. Listen, I've got to go help Dad with dinner, but I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Definitely."
"Great. Love you, bye."
"Bye."
"Oh, Sirius?"
"Yeah?"
"I know it can't be easy for you, but I'm glad you're away from them. You'll make it through, and I think you'll be better for it."
"Probably. Sucks right now, though."
"Yeah. If you need anything, you can ask me, okay?"
"Okay."
"Love you."
"You too."