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In retrospect, Bakugou was glad he'd stepped inside before it all happened; he doesn't spook easily, but he's pretty certain he would have pissed himself. Not that he gave himself much time to think about it.
The racket was ungodly. Like a bomb had detonated in his backyard. With one boot on the floor in the mudroom and his gloves dangling halfway off his fingers, he threw open the door and stomped his ass right back out.
"Holy shit…"
His shed was GONE. Well, that wasn't entirely accurate. His shed was everywhere. Splintered wood embedded in the chain link fence. Dusty paint cans in the neighbor's yard. Bakugou watched in silence as his lawn mower swung lazily from a tree, then fell (along with the branch) into his vegetable garden.
He was still taking in the… gravity... of the situation when a low groan issued from the crater where the shed had once stood. Taking a step forward, it occurred to him that he wasn't entirely sure what he was dealing with here, and brought himself to a stop a couple meters away.
On the lookout for neighborhood pranksters, aliens- or hell, BEARS- Bakugou squinted into the rubble and saw a coiled garden hose lift slightly into the air before falling back to the ground. Something was alive in there. Whatever it was, Bakugou did not want to meet it unarmed, and he scooped his shovel from the grass, brandishing it like a spear.
"Oh… Oh my…" floated from the pile of debris, and Bakugou embarrassedly (but gratefully) crossed bears off the list, stepping closer.
"Oi! You dead?"
The gasp Bakugou received in response pulled his brows together. What the hell was going on? Who blew up his shed? And why were THEY afraid of HIM?
Bakugou's shovel hit the ground with a dull thud, jaw dropping when a man clambered from the wreckage, wincing as he stood, and lifted a timid hand in 'hello'.
Naked as a goddamned babe.
"HOLY- Who the fuck are… Put on some fucking CLOTHES!" Bakugou shouted, glowering somewhere over the man's shoulder because fuck if he was gonna take his eyes off the guy, but for crying out loud…
"Hello!" the guy chirped, as though standing in his birthday suit in the midst of a backyard apocalypse was something he did on the regular. "Could you perhaps tell me where I am?"
No. Bakugou was not having it. Whoever or whatever this guy was, Bakugou was not going to stand in his backyard, WHERE THE NEIGHBORS COULD SEE, HOLY SHIT, THEY WERE PROBABLY LOOKING RIGHT NOW, and chat.
"You're the intruder, asshole. You'd better tell me who you are," Bakugou growled, lifting the shovel once more, "and why you're fucking naked, or I'm callin' the cops."
Head tilting, the dude considered this for a moment, and then a wide smile spread over his face. Bakugou found himself squinting, and if that wasn't a son of a bitch… Bakugou had READ things before, like 'oh, that fucker has a really bright smile', but this was real life. Why were his eyes trying to close against the sheer wattage of some naked assbag's grin?
"I understood only a portion of what you said, but my name is Tenya. Iida Tenya. It's truly a pleasure to make your acquaintance!"
Bakugou's body jerked as the man leapt across what remained of his shed with ease, landing directly in front of Bakugou and holding out his hand.
All thoughts of bright smiles and dicks swinging in the breeze vacated Bakugou's mind. The dude's hand was… sparkling. With absolutely zero conscious input, Bakugou watched in horrified fascination as his hand reached out to meet it. Warm.
"Oooooh," the nudist (what had he said? Tebya something?) cooed, and Bakugou's jaw clenched when another hand, just as fucking sparkly as the first, landed on his cheek. "You are not a heavenly body."
And that just seemed unfair, honestly. Bakugou was no slouch in the 'ripped and proud of it' department, but standing this close, Bakugou couldn't help noticing the guy's… physique. 'Heavenly body' didn't begin to cover it.
A rough laugh pushed from Bakugou's nose. "Quit touching me, weirdo," he managed to force out, though it sounded a hell of a lot less convincing with the death grip he had on the dude's fingers. And why was he nuzzling into the fucker's palm? Had he lost his MIND?
"Tell me your name," the man breathed into Bakugou's ear, and OH HOLY SHIT, the guy was damn near pressed against him, Bakugou hadn't even noticed, how long had he been standing here-
"Bakugou Katsuki," he heard himself say. He wasn't completely sure why he'd answered.
"A powerful name," came the hushed reply, the man's lips searingly hot on Bakugou's cheek, his nose, and Bakugou's eyes slid shut when they landed on his mouth. Oh. A kiss. Of course. How cozy! "I'm going to tell you a secret, Katsuki. Can you keep a secret?"
Dragging his eyelids apart, Bakugou managed a weak eye-roll. "I'm not a fucking kid," he snapped, but what had the man said his name was? What had he asked Bakugou? The thoughts seemed to skitter away before he could grab them.
"I'm a star that veered off-course," Mr. Twinkles explained, as if that were a totally rational thing to say, resting his forehead on Bakugou's, and Bakugou let his eyes close again. So bright. And warm. Bakugou felt like he was slowly catching on fire, from the inside out. "I'm quite young, as far as stars go… Still learning how to use my speed and power."
"But stars don't actually zoom around," Bakugou pointed out, distantly wondering why, of all the things currently going on, THIS was what he decided to comment on.
"Ah, haha, they certainly do in my family!"
"Are you like, an alien or something?"
Apparently Bakugou's question was HILARIOUS, because the man began to laugh, loud and booming, and the sound forced Bakugou's eyes open again. "I am… not of your planet. So I suppose, in a way, yes. Though not in the way you likely mean."
"Mind control?" Bakugou posited, because it finally fucking occurred to him that he was standing in his backyard, bits of his shed flung to hell and back, and he was wrapped in a naked stranger's arms. Was groping said stranger's ass. Lips pursing in thought, Bakugou squeezed. Grade A beef, right there. Bakugou nodded, satisfied.
And Sparkly McStarman took it all in stride, that staggering smile back in place. "Nothing so crude, no. It is natural for your kind to feel comfortable around beings like me."
"Beings like… Well tell me this, Twinkle-bell. What do you plan to do about my shed? You fucking ruined it."
"Do not worry," the guy breathed, and Bakugou was about to snarl a reply when he continued. "Believe it or not, as soon as I leave here, you won't recall a thing."
Bakugou hummed, the answer seeming like a perfectly good one, a warm palmful of ass kneading gently between his fingers. "At this point, I'd believe just about anythi- WAIT. What the hell? How does that solve anything with my shed-" The lips suddenly at Bakugou's forehead were BLAZING, and he staggered backward, barely catching himself.
Gaze landing at his feet, Bakugou saw the shovel, and realized he must have tripped over it.
The hell did he have his shovel out, for? With a sigh, Bakugou lifted it from the ground, making it a couple steps before his eyes blew wide.
"Holy shit…"
Dumbfounded, Bakugou stood in one boot in the middle of his yard. Mouth hanging open. Wondering how, exactly, he'd gotten there, and what the FUCK happened to his shed.
Please, just let me go back and help him!
I don't know, bro. Mom isn't gonna like it.
She wouldn't like me not taking responsibility for my actions!
Oh man… You PULVERIZED that thing. He probably thinks it was a meteor strike or something.
STOP LAUGHING! I feel terrible enough as it is!
Why are you so worked up about this?
He was… my first human. Are all humans so incredibly beautiful?
OOOOH. That's what this is about. Look, I'll… put in a good word with Mom.
REALLY?
Go do what you have to do.
Thank you, Tensei!
You should probably be a little clearer about 'consent' before you go sucking on his face, again.
OH MY GOD! I should apologize immediately! How rude of… Wait, why are you laughing?
I love you, bro.