Chapter Text
They’re at the venue. Today is the day. They’re getting married in a matter of hours. It’s busy on Chris’s end. His family makes up most of the female part of the wedding party and the children involved. And because of it the suite is filled with makeup the vanity with hair products and curling irons. Heels are lying everywhere along with slippers and comfortable shoes. There are purses littered all over the couch and dresses hanging and lying on any surface available. Everyone had to share a suite, but it was working out. The suite was large and Chris didn’t mind if it meant he got to have all of these people with him on this important day. He, his brother, dad, and brother’s boyfriend had all been pushed to the second vanity, which was smaller, but had just enough room for his own few hair products and things. Scott’s hair products are hanging in a bag on the back of the vanity chair and his suit jacket is hung up on the mirror blocking the view of himself that he could be seeing. Scott currently ran back to the car to grab something he forgot. Dodger is at Chris’s feet. Somehow taking a nap through all this chaos. But it makes Chris smile to have him here.
Behind him the girls are all getting ready. Taking turns in the large bathroom to change before coming out to get all “gussied up” as his mother had said.
“Uncle Chris!” A squeaky voice draws his attention, it’s Stella, he turns with a smile in his chair. “Look!” She says. And he smiles wider, she’s all dressed in her flower girl dress looking adorable as ever.
“I see! You look so pretty! Do you like it?” He asked her. This was her first time putting on the dress. They’d had to send it back originally because it was the wrong size and were just praying that it would end up fitting her with a few safety pins here and there if needed on the day of. Thankfully it looked like it fit her perfectly.
“I love it!” She said, doing a twirl. Her dress for the wedding was a white flower girl dress with lots of layers and that had a navy sash. The sash also had two navy blue roses on the left side that matched it. It was beautiful and Stella looked adorable in it as she twirled for him. Chris clapped,
“Wonderful wonderful, you might even upstage me! And it’s my wedding!” Stella giggled at that but before their conversation could continue Stella was being called away by Carly to get her hair done.
Their colors were sage, white, gold and navy. The groomsmen were wearing navy blue tuxes with sage colored bowties and white undershirts while the bridesmaids were wearing sage colored chiffon layered floor length dresses with various neckline styles. Scott, as the best man, and Margarita as the maid of honor were both wearing the opposite of the rest of the party. Scott was in a sage green tux and navy tie while Margarita was in a navy dress in the same style as the bridesmaids with a sweetheart neckline.
Chris sighed as he flattened out his own undershirt. The wrinkles had just been ironed out by his mom for good measure. Even though he’d been perfectly able to, she’d insisted.
“Chris! Is your hair styled yet?” His sister, Shanna called out.
“Not yet,”
“Well, come on over, your turn in the hot seat,” Shanna had been doing everyone’s hair. Hers was currently pinned up in a gorgeous flowing updo. He trusted her with whatever she was planning on doing.
“Good, you trimmed your beard, you mind if I take a little off the top here?”
“Do what ever you need, just make it so Seb will love it,”
“I was hoping you’d give me free reign, we’ll sit back and sit up, I’ll be done in no time,” Shanna promised.
-
In Sebastian’s room the group was hopping. Everyone was in fairly high spirits even with their hangovers wearing off.
“Sebass, what’s up with you! Come join the party!” Mackie called out to him. Holding up a glass of whiskey, Sebastian sighed internally, he didn’t mean to be a bummer. He wanted to be happy. He was just waiting. Waiting to see if she’d show up. But maybe a drink would do him good?
Last night had been a mess, he’d just gotten over his hangover and they were already drinking again. But at this point, he felt like he could use it so he went over and took the shot from Mackie, downing it in one go and realizing it had been a bit more than a shot with a wince, Mackie just looked at him with wide eyes.
“Woah, you didn’t need to drink it all at once you know,” Sebastian shrugged and smirked,
“Well I did, so pour me another,” He grinned, he was going to have a good time. There were still four and a half more hours before the wedding, she still had time to get here if she was going to come. There was no need to start worrying yet.
“Seb, can you come here, I need you to help with my hair, you’re the only one here who knows how to fishtail braid and I can’t reach the very top of my hair to get it tight enough,” Margarita requester, Sebastian happily went over to help her, he was rusty, but he got the two braids started to her satisfaction before she took back over again, finishing it up and pulling the two braids together at the back so they met like a crown on each side of her head before pinning them it into a bun.
“You know, the girls could have probably helped a lot more than I could with your hair,” She waved him off,
“Nah, I taught you just fine when we were together, you did good, I like it.” She reassured him, “Plus, I’m your friend, I don’t know any of them very well, I want to be with you,” She smiled up at him, she was the only girl in his part of the wedding party but she definitely held her ground. In fact, she and Toby had been the two who’d planned most of the wild night they’d had the other night, which had included strippers, way too much alcohol, and an improv open-mic drunk Shakespeare night. (Where they’d found out about the last one, he didn’t know) and that had been only the start of the night, after that it was bar hopping like twenty year olds, with dancing, drinking, karaoke, and even drag queens at one point if his memory wasn’t failing him. Overall, it had been a blast. His friends had really put a lot of thought into his bachelor night and he’d appreciated it, even though he’d said no strippers, he got them anyway, and turns out, he wasn’t as opposed to the idea as he thought. At least in his drunken state. He hoped Chris’s night had been just as fun. He was kind of curious to know what they did, but at the same time he wasn’t. They’d agreed that their bachelor parties could be fun and wild. They’d both agreed that strip clubs could be on the table if they were each comfortable with it, and they were. Which honestly surprised Sebastian, because Chris could be a very possessive lover at times. But there was no sex or cheating, nog that there was even a worry about it in the first place. For him, even kisses on the lips and cheek were off the table. All he got were two incredibly hilarious lap dances courtesy of both the male and female strippers that had been hired, one which included a face full of tits and the second an entirely too firm and bony ass grinding in his lap for a minute. It was all in good fun.
“Guys, it’s about time for lunch, and I don’t think any of us had breakfast, do we want to pick something up? I can go grab something for us and bring it back,” Toby suggested, Will and Kevin both laughed at him,
“What?” Toby said, frowning,
“You’re always hungry dude, if you’re hungry go ahead, I’m not actually that hungry yet so I think I’ll wait until dinner at the reception,”
“I could go for food,” Phillip piped up, Sebastian, Mackie, and Margarita agreed, Chris Benz said he’d go along to help since it looked like they’d have a large order, and to see if the girls and Chris’s family wanted something too.
-
It took another hour for them to come back with food, Chris’s friend Tara had also gone along to help bring things back since their order was so large.
“Sebastian, I think I got your kale salad and you got my spinach,” Tara said, popping her head back into the room, Sebastian had almost started eating it, she’d caught him just in time. He’d just figured they’d accidentally messed up and given him the wrong thing. But it was okay, because he liked spinach.
“Oh great! Cause I was looking forward to that kale to be honest,” He said, going to trade his salad with hers.
“How are things going on your end?” He asked, he and Tara had become fast friends as they planned this wedding together. She had been a huge help getting all the bridesmaids organized and fitted for their dresses and then an even bigger help when it came to finding flowers that were out of season that Chris had wanted for the day. She’d also organized the rehearsal dinner with Lisa and Sebastian couldn’t be more thankful that Chris had such a good friend like her.
“Well, Chris is a ball of anxiety as you might expect. But he’s also as excited as ever. And that combination has had him bouncing around like a bunny on steroids all day, literally and figuratively, getting into everyone’s business, he’s just trying to be helpful, and he wants it to be perfect, but really, he needs to calm down. He keeps talking about you though, he’s been trying to get one of us to come over since we got here to see how you guys were doing, if you’d recovered from last night, Mackie told him it had been fun, but rough this morning.”
“Yeah, I think we’re all pretty recovered, thank god for aspirin and Margo for still having the sense to make us drink water before bed. It’s the Russian in her, I don’t know how that woman holds her vodka so well.”
“That’s good, oh, he also wants to know if you guys want to do a “First look” it’s something the photographer suggested, we could get some more intimate photos of you before the rest of the guests see you, but he knows how superstitious you can be,” Sebastian hummed, thinking about it, he pulled his lip between his teeth as he debated the ask. As nice as it would be to do a first look, he didn’t want to risk it. He had been raised to be respectful of superstition and his mom and Anthony hadn’t seen each other before they’d walked down the aisle on their wedding day, and their marriage could have lasted a lifetime if he hadn’t passed, their love was something he kept close to his heart and wanted to emulate. They had made each other better, and his mom had been sure that not seeing each other before the wedding then was a good idea. Even though it had meant only young Sebastian had been there to help her get ready, wake her up on time, get into her dress, and do her hair and makeup
“I think I want to go without the first look if he’s okay with it,”
“He thought you’d say that, something about how your mom and stepdad hadn’t done one and they’d been happy,”
“Wow, he really is spilling all the beans today.”
“Honestly, he can’t shut up. He talked about your beard and eyes for thirty minutes earlier when he was getting his own hair and beard groomed.”
“Oh my god…” Sebastian said. Chris was a fool. A lovesick fool, good thing he was a lovesick fool for him right back.
“Tell him I love him, will you?”
“Sure, but I’ll have to see that disgusting moony love face he does for the fiftieth time today every time someone mentions you, or he brings you up himself.” Sebastian laughed and patted her on her shoulder, “I’ll do it for you though, you guys have fun, we’re sending Jon over in twenty to help with any last minute grooming,”
“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Sebastian said, he closed the door as she left, smiling to himself. He couldn’t wait to marry Chris. And he was happy that Chris was excited to. This was really happening. He was getting married today. Finally.
“Loverboy, you might wanna eat, we only have three hours until the wedding now,” Phillip called out to Sebastian who had been standing in a daze at the door with a soft smile on his face,
“Seb, if we’re gonna eat, you might want to change out of your dress shirt and then change back into it,” Margarita suggested,
“Thanks for the suggestion mom, but I think I can keep myself clean enough while eating a kale salad.” Margarita just shrugged,
“I don’t know, that shirt is white,” She said,
“I’m taking mine off,” Chris Benz said,
“Please, put another shirt back on after you do.” Kevin said, referring to last night, Charles had taken off his shirt halfway through the night because he’d spilled a giant bucket of beer down himself and then lost it somewhere along the way, having to go to the last two clubs and walk back to the hotel and without it.
“Aw, come on Charlie, you love this,” He said, grabbing Charles in a head lock and messing up his hair.
Sebastian just shook his head at his friend’s antics. He decided that Margarita was probably right, and went to switch out of his shirt in the bathroom, it wouldn’t be a hassle to put it back on, he hadn’t even done up his bowtie yet.
-
They ate, reminiscing about the night before, about Sebastian and Chris’s relationship, and about what the reception would be like and all of their duties that they had between now and then. Sebastian was only half listening as he scrolled through his phone, making sure that their wedding planner, Melanie, didn’t need anything. She was hard at work downstairs still putting things together, they’d brought in their own wedding arch that needed to be installed in place of the one that was already there. The wedding arch had been one used at every Evan’s family wedding on Chris’s dad’s side since the beginning of time practically, it went all the way back to Chris’s great, great grandparents after World War I. In fact, his great, great, grandfather had been the one to build it, it had been repainted and parts of it had been replaced as needed with ware and tare and from being in storage, but it was their something old and he wanted to make sure it was being handled with care as it was put up.
He got a thumbs up back from her after asking, she sent a picture along a moment later of two of the florist they’d hired winding baby’s breath, gypsophila, white and green roses, white peonies, dusty miller, dyed cobalt blue delphiniums, and cyclamen’s into the arch. Cyclamen’s had been their white whale and the one thing Chris wasn’t willing to budge on, even though they were a winter flower and almost impossible to find. They had been Chris’s grandmother’s favorite flower and she had just passed away a few months ago. He’d really wanted her to make it to the wedding, but she hadn’t. So he’d wanted to have those in her memory. They’d also tied white chiffon curtains up and they were blowing gently in the wind in the video she’d sent next. Things were looking perfect and with his nerves put to rest again he finished his meal.
-
It was a flurry after that of getting re-dressed and getting each of their last minute grooming done. Sebastian had gotten his beard touched up and Mackie had decided to go ahead and get shaved entirely, after realizing he looked a little patchy currently. Margarita was at the mirror plucking her own eyebrows as she cursed at herself in Russian.
“If it hurts so much why don’t you have someone else do it?”
“Because I forgot, this week has been kind of crazy and then when I called to try to get a last-minute appointment, they didn’t have any, they don’t look too bushy do they?” She asked, turning to Sebastian with a worried expression, he smiled at her softly, pulling her in for a hug and then back to look at her closely, with a genuine tone he told her, “You look absolutely beautiful Marg, really, you always have.”
“Stop it, you’re gonna make me blush,” She said, swatting at him playfully. Sebastian just beamed back at her with a goofy expression.
“Hey, Jon, am I done?” He asked, he looked at himself in the mirror once more, his hair was perfectly in place and he felt clean and sharp. His suit was on and his bowtie was straight. There were less than forty five minutes to go now.
“Yeah, you’re good,”
“Alright, I’m gonna head downstairs, check to make sure Melanie doesn’t need anything else, I’ll be right back,”
“Yo dude, watch out for Evans, I saw him loitering around down there when I went to grab something from the car earlier.” Sebastian gave Mackie a thumbs up,
“Thanks for the warning,”
Sebastian wasn’t actually going downstairs to check to see if Melanie needed help. He had a different mission in mind. He slipped out one of the side doors and headed along the garden path around to the front of the house where the guests were checking in, most of them were already there and had taken their seats farther down the lawn, the guest book was sitting out on a the podium and unattended to currently, he slunk his way up to it, trying to be stealthy. He didn’t exactly know why; he wasn’t doing anything wrong. But he didn’t want anyone to know what he was after either. He flipped the pages with quick fingers, his eyes scanning the signatures next to the names and some of the well wishes that had been written with a smile. All six of the original avengers had checked in, even Downy was here early which was rare. His friends Paul, Nicolas, Don, and Evelyn checked in; he was sure there were more, but he’d only caught their names for now as he scanned. He was looking for one. Finally, he got to the “O’s” and his eyes landed on the name. There was no signature next to it. She hadn’t checked in. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t here, maybe she’d forgotten to sign in. He made his way down to the seating area, scanning the crowd and distractedly saying hi to people who greeted him as he looked, searching, as his heartrate began to pick up. He didn’t see her. There were thirty five minutes left until they walked down the aisle and she wasn’t here.
He didn’t know what he’d expected, she’d already rejected him once, but the birthday card she’d sent him two weeks ago had really confused him. It had fueled the little spark of hope that he’d still had inside him of her changing her mind. God, he wished he hadn’t gone behind Chris’s back on this one.
Originally, they’d both decided that it wouldn’t be worth the stress or potential pain that sending an invite to her would be worth in the end and hadn’t sent one out in the original save the dates five months ago. At the time the ache of her rejection was still raw and he’d agreed wholeheartedly. But with every day of planning and missing her and it not being anything like he’d planned, he’d caved on himself and grabbed one of the extra save the dates and sent it out a month after the others. He hadn’t told Chris; he didn’t want to see him upset or angry like he usually got when he mentioned his family. As he stood there he felt numb, numb and dumb.
He really had gotten his hopes up, or at least that’s how it felt as the same physical ache came on that he’d felt all those months ago after her initial rejection. He needed to get back upstairs. Somewhere where he could be alone for a few minutes, just until this passed, just until he could pull himself together.
He turned, going back inside the villa house, up the stairs and back into the groom’s suite. When he came back in, everyone turned to look at him. He didn’t want them to see him though, he felt his face already heating up as the pit in his stomach grew. He heard someone’s voice calling out his name but he didn’t turn to answer back, instead he headed straight for the end suite bathroom, he closed the door and locked it behind him. He barely made it inside before his emotions bubbled over and a strangled cry broke from his lips
He gasped in deep lungsful of air as his chest stuttered, tears he hadn’t allowed himself to cry out all coming to the surface at once. He tried to be quiet, forcing our soft whimpers and sniffles that wanted to be big sobs, he couldn’t stifle them all though. He ran his hands through his hair, causing it to all stick up and look crazy in the mirror. Fuck, he was mad at himself now. He was mad at everything. Why did he have to be so stupid, why didn’t he listen to Chris?! He cursed loudly, shouting “fuck” as he kicked at the countertop. He didn’t want this to be happening now. He didn’t have time to break down now, he was getting married for fucks sake. His face was red and blotchy and the tears that had involuntarily fell made his eyes red and puffy. He looked like hell, he gripped the edge of the sink, he needed to calm down. Just count to ten and calm down. He blinked, more tears coming to his eyes, he squeezed his eyes shut this time. Trying, trying with all his might to get control of himself. But he couldn’t, he backed up to the wall behind him. Finally letting himself slide down to the floor, his chest heaving as he let the damn break, ugly sobs being ripped from his throat as the physical ache in his chest grew, paralyzing his whole body, immobilizing him on this pristine bathroom floor. The anxiety and panic that he had felt for a moment about his friends knowing or seeing him like this subsiding as he realized that it wouldn’t be the end of the world. But the pain and hurt from her was still spilling out of him. As his ears stopped ringing, and he came back into the real world after his spiral, he heard the knocking on the door and Mackie’s voice call out to him.
“Yo, dude, you were supposed to be out there five minutes ago, Seb, what’s going on, we’re really worried, please open the door, do you need help?”
“I’ll-” Sebastian’s eyes widened at the croak in his voice, “I just need a few minutes, please,”
“The guests are out there waiting man,” Will’s voice chimed in, “What’s going on? Melanie is freaking out, and Chris is about to break down the door,”
“Just have them stall, please, and whatever you do, don’t let Chris see me, it’s bad luck! Have the quartet play something, open the bar, I just… I can’t…” His voice broke off on a sob. He had to let himself grieve this moment if he was going to get through it.
He let all the pictures flash through his mind, all the wishes and dreams that he’d had since he was young of his wedding, what it looked like, adding in all the friends and guests they now had, the vision of Chris smiling at the end of the alter, the familiar, loving, effervescent smile of his mother, her arm linked in his, her face and the tissue in her hand as she cried as he and Chris said their vows, he saw himself smiling at her in his minds eye, a reassuring glance that he’d gotten it right, that he was going to be happy for the rest of his life, and her glee at the idea that he’d found someone to love and love him. But then his visions changed. An empty chair, where she should have been, him awkwardly walking down the aisle with his hands in his pockets, there was still that blinding grin on his own face, because he was walking to his future, the man he loved more than life itself. But still, it didn’t completely reach his eyes, there was still a hidden hurt in his expression and an ache in his heart and step that was visual.
The reception, the mother son dance, he’d practiced for it on his own time, teaching himself through YouTube videos just in case, while Chris and his mom took dance classes. The empty seat at the reception that he’d added a place for her at, just in case. Another tear rolled down his cheek. It was awful, the agony he felt as he conjured up fake images in his mind of the way he’d always dreamed things would be. The finality of the idea and fact that she really wasn’t there slamming into him full force. She wasn’t part of his life and presumably never would be again. He was losing his own mother, for real this time. There was nothing left for him to hope for. He’d been unknowingly holding a candle, and it had been blown out. The he loss and abandonment he was finally allowing himself to feel crippling him. He sniffed, roughly wiping the dripping tears from his nose. He was a goddamn mess. But it was time to put this to rest. He was done. He had to be. He couldn’t let this torture him anymore. It might actually kill him if he did.
“Seb, please, open the door man, what’s going on? We’re worried…” Will said, “Dude, I know what it sounds like when you cry, please, whatever’s going on, we’re all here for you,” He said the second part softer. Sebastian sniffed again. The ache in his heart slightly subsiding as he remembered how great his friends were. Still, it was mortifying for him to let people see him like this. He shouldn’t be like this, especially not today. Today was supposed to be one of the best days of his life.
He sighed not wanting us speak more still needing to internally calm himself.
“Seb, buddy, it’s been fifteen minutes, they’ve practically played through an entire movement out there, the guests are getting restless, are you getting cold feet?” Margarita asked, Sebastian heaved out a sigh, uncurling his legs from where they’d been brought up to his chest, he pushed himself up off the floor and finally and stood,
“I’m coming…” He called out, his voice still rough, he looked at himself in the mirror and winced, his face was all red, his eyes were bloodshot and puffy, his hair was also mess. His bowtie had stayed straight though. He reached forward to turn on the tap and wash his hands, he splashed some water on his face, hoping to rid it of its blotchiness.
Finally, he opened the door, he startled slightly when he saw all of his friends had crowded around it, his face flushing bright red at the notion that they all knew he’d just had a break down.
“Oh, Sebastian,” Margarita was the first to open her arms to him, and he fell into them gratefully. Hugging her tightly and burying his face in her neck, she stroked his back lightly and whispered in his ear,
“It’s going to be okay,”
“I’m sorry… I just… I wanted my mom to be here... I wanted her to be here... so badly,” He answered back softly, Margarita’s arms tightened even farther around him at the admission,
“Oh, Seb, is that was this is about?” Sebastian couldn’t speak, he was on the verge of tears again, Margarita pulled away from him. Her hands delicately clasping his cheeks and swiping away his tears with a soft manicured thumb,
“I’m sorry,” Sebastian said his breath hitching as he gulped.
”Hey no, don’t apologize I’m sorry too… I wish she was here, for your sake, but remember, this day shouldn’t be about her, it’s about you, and Chris, and if she couldn’t see the incredible love you have for him and doesn’t want to celebrate it, it’s better off that she’s not here, bringing down the mood, think about it, do you really want her here if she’s not accepting of this union?”
“I guess not… I just… when I pictured this day, for years, I never dreamed she wouldn’t be here… it would be so much easier if she was dead or something and that’s not why she was here, just… knowing she could be but she doesn’t want to be… I just… I really thought maybe… she… she… she sent me a birthday card, why would she do that? Why would she do that if she doesn’t want me anymore… I thought… I thought maybe she’d changed her mind… God, I didn’t think it would hurt this much…” He sniffed again, squeezing his eyes shut and letting the tears blur his vision,
“Hey, hey, hey, no, don’t cry again, not now… not now you don’t… I know it hurts, and that ache is going to be there, but you can’t let it consume you. This is supposed to be the best day of your life, you’re marrying the man of your dreams, and we’re all here to support you. You have so many people out there and right here who love you. It sucks, it really fucking sucks that she’s decided to do this to you, I wish I could take the pain away for you, but all I can do, all any of us can do is surround you and let you know how many people do love you. Compared to the one who doesn’t…”
“Yeah buddy, we all love you, and we’re all so happy for you,” Will piped in, everyone else had been quiet as they talked up until then, many of them hadn’t even known about Sebastian’s mom until now, and it was sad to hear. Suddenly, frantic knocking was heard at the door, Phillip went to answer it, he only opened it a crack, wondering who it could be, it was Chris, looking frazzled,
“What’s going on, is Sebastian okay? Can I see him?!”
“Whoa, dude, he’s out of the bathroom now, we’re just about to come down, but no, you can’t see him, not unless you want him to kill me, and then you.” Phillip answered the anxious man, trying to keep him from seeing inside the room too far,
“Wait, he’s out? Seb, baby! Are you okay? You’re not having second thoughts, are you?” Chris called out so Sebastian could hopefully hear him.
“No, no honey, I’m not, it’s not that… it wasn’t that, just, go downstairs, I’ll see you soon, I’m sorry I worried you,” Sebastian’s posture deflated after reassuring Chris he was going to be okay and the door closed, Phillip turned on his heel, rejoining the group who had surrounded Sebastian. Sebastian sniffed again but wiped the tears from his eyes, he stood tall again, exhaling and rolling his neck from side to side, his friends all still looked concerned, but their expressions were turning hopeful,
“You ready now?” Chase asked, dropping a hand to his shoulder,
“Yeah, I think so, I just need a few more minutes, but you guys should go down there and take your places, it probably looks weird only having half of the party out there, I promise, I’ll be down in less than ten, just wanna fix my face a bit, he said, referring to the redness and blotchiness that had taken up residence. They all nodded, each one of them patting Sebastian on the back or leaving words of encouragement with him as they filed out, Margarita was the last to leave, giving him a meaningful look to which he cracked a small smile in response to. As the door closed he blew out another breath, running his fingers through his gelled down hair, he reached for the pomade and applied a bit more to some of the fly aways before reaching into the satchel he’d brought and taking out a stick of concealer. He carefully applied it to under his eyes, the puffiness would be there for a while but at least the redness and general sunken look had disappeared a bit. He straightened his bowtie and reached for his half finished glass of champagne, downing it in one go and giving his head a shake,
“Time to get married,” he said aloud to himself, he squared his shoulders and walked out the door.