Chapter Text
Falco readjusted his armband and entered the hospital, wandering the corridors for a little while, watching the injured soldiers from afar. As he walked by the wounded and traumatized soldiers, he would nod a salute with a kind smile, and keep going. They looked completely hollow, barely responding, only watching. Some were completely scared, others just wary of him. Those men and women had certainly seen hell on the battlefield; hence, Falco didn’t expect an answer to his greetings. He had seen them being made fun of outside earlier and he’d felt sorry for them. He thought that giving them a little bit of attention and showing them some sympathy might be a good start to make things better.
Lately, the training had been hard on the warrior candidate and Falco had trouble proving himself over his friend Gabi. He couldn’t leave the armored titan to her, he had to be the one. Despite his conviction and the fact the vice-captain was on his side, Falco was still too weak compared to her. He had started to feel desperate, but when he saw the line of injured soldiers waiting outside the hospital, a thought came into his mind. Falco had to do something, to be useful, to help, to show that he cared for his compatriots.
Thus, he had decided to visit the wounded and try to make things better, for them and for himself. As the future protector, he thought that taking care of those in need would be a good first step. Plus, these people were soldiers, perhaps he could also ask them for some advice. His idea boosted his combative spirit and ego, he will do better, he will inherit the armored titan and protect Gabi.
The boy reached the courtyard and looked around. With such nice weather, he would have expected the place to be more crowded, then remembered he was in a hospital. A majority of the patients would be laying down in a bed, locked inside tiny white rooms or busy consulting doctors for rehabilitation. Falco stepped forward and noticed a man learning how to walk with crutches with the help of two nurses. It looked like he was already in good hands, no need to intrude. He turned his gaze and saw another man sleeping on a bench and another one with no more hands talking with a doctor, he doubted he could be of use for them either.
Falco shrugged and turned around, but before he could step back inside, he met the eyes of a lonely man sitting on a bench next to the door. The patient slowly looked back at the book he was reading but, for Falco, that eye contact was a sign. He cleared his voice and asked shyly “Excuse me, sir, can I sit next to you?”
The man nodded and Falco sat down, waiting there for a little while in silence, not daring to open his mouth as the stranger next to him seemed busy reading. He gave a discrete glance at him, observing his grey eyes moving as they followed the lines of text, the book held gently in his long hands. Falco blinked in surprise upon realizing the stranger was reading a history book, why would he be reading something like that?
Curiosity nibbling at him, Falco pointed at the book “What a strange choice of reading.” he commented.
The patient slowly raised his gaze to look at the boy. He had a gentle but sad expression. In a calm, deep and soft voice, he said “It is, you’re right.”
“Don't you have anything else to read here?” Falco asked, his interest piqued.
“Ah? No... not really, but I wish I did.” the stranger responded drearily.
Falco couldn’t help but observe the man with wonder. He didn't have any visible injuries, he was clean shaven and his hair was a bit long but visibly groomed. He looked young, probably in his twenties and on the surface, he seemed to have the most composure of all the patients in the hospital. Although, when Falco allowed himself to sink into his tired eyes, eyes that now seemed greener, or maybe blue, it felt like he was drowning in sorrow. This man definitely needed help.
Falco smiled gently at him and offered his hand. “Oh! I'm sorry, I didn’t introduce myself! My name is Falco Grice! Maybe I could bring you some new books to read?”
The dark brows of the man raised slightly at the suggestion. He glanced at his book then looked again at the blond boy. A modest smile grew on his face as he shook his hand “Nice to meet you Falco. I’d be glad if I could read something else after finishing that one again.”
The hand of the patient was large with long thin fingers. His lightly tanned skin was warm and his grip very cautious as if he was afraid to crush the tiny hand of the boy. It was a nice feeling and Falco almost felt sad when he released his hand, a thought suddenly occurring. “Again? Do you mean you’re reading the same book over and over?”
“That’s what the doctors want me to do, yes.” the stranger nodded with a sigh of boredom.
Falco tilted his head like a curious puppy. “Why’s that?” he asked.
The man looked away and shrugged. He seemed to be the introverted kind and Falco thought it was better to not push him further on this subject. Though, he wanted to know more about him. Maybe he would feel more at ease talking about something else. With a start, he realized they had not finished their introduction.
“I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t think you told me your name.” he said, trying to sound polite instead of prying.
His interlocutor slowly turned his head towards the book and gently closed it. His long fingers traced the letters of the title on the cover, his sad grey eyes focusing on them. Falco couldn’t tell if he had just lost him or if he was thinking. A few seconds later, he finally unsealed his lips and let out a desperate whisper “That’s why I’m here.”
It didn't take too long for Falco to understand. The man was amnesic and couldn’t remember his own name. He probably couldn’t recall a good part of his life either. It wasn’t rare for soldiers to come back from the war with trauma and partial or complete memory loss. The boy thought it might be too painful for the patient to discuss, choosing to not ask further as he saw him losing his gaze into the distance. Falco thanked the stranger for the conversation, wishing him a good day before jumping off the bench and leaving him alone, quiet and lost in his thoughts.
Back at his house, Falco hugged his parents and disappeared into his bedroom. He let himself fall on his bed with a big sigh and stayed there, motionless for a few minutes. He was feeling bad for leaving the amnesic man alone but he had no idea how he could have kept up the conversation without hurting him. Besides, they didn’t know each other at all. It would have been kind of intrusive and impolite to ask for more explanation. They were both strangers after all.
However, the boy felt like he had to do something. He frowned and pushed himself from his mattress to sit. He couldn’t leave that man struggling into his own despair, that would be wrong. Wrong for a protector, wrong for the future armored titan.
Falco rolled out of his bed and started to pace, his eyes wandering around, thinking about what he could do. He needed to talk more to the man but he had to make him feel more at ease, he had to befriend him, but how? He looked an instant at his bookshelf. “Of course!” he muttered to himself. He rushed to his small collection of books, spending the rest of the evening deciding on which one he would bring with him for the next day.
***
Falco politely greeted the nurses and the patients of the hospital as he walked confidently towards the courtyard. He wasn’t sure he would find the amnesic man at the same bench but it was worth the try. Otherwise he’d have to ask a nurse at the reception, but by chance, the man was sitting at the exact same spot as if he never left his seat. One of his legs was folded against his chest, allowing his elbow to rest on his knee while his fingers were absently playing with his dark hair. His tired eyes were focused again on the history book but this time, it seemed like he was back to the beginning of it. Falco smiled at this detail and approached, clearing his voice to announce his presence.
The man barely moved his head to look up at him. A quiet “oh!” escaped his lips before giving him a soft smile. “Hello, Falco.”
“Hello, sir! I’m flattered you remember me!” he answered with a warm encouraging grin. “Did you just start reading that book again?”
The patient nodded with a half-forced smile before looking back at the pages open in his hand. His attention was drawn by a sudden dull sound of something falling on the wooden bench and the little “oops!” from his visitor. Falco gathered the books he had brought back into a pile before pushing it towards the man.
“Here! I didn’t know what you like reading so...I tried to pick as many different genres I could find at home. They’re some of my favorites; I think they are all great stories. I hope you’ll aenjoy them.” Falco said, standing to the side, his hands crossed behind his back. He was waiting for a reaction, any reaction, but he hoped for a good one.
Judging by his face, the man wasn’t expecting for the boy to actually come back to him with books. His surprised eyes would turn back and forth towards the books and Falco. His hands reached for one, then another, comparing the titles and summaries until he decided on one. Then he muttered with a soft but happy smile “That is very kind of you, Falco, but are you sure about this?”
“Yes sir, I am sure! You can pick more if you want to!” Falco said with a determined tone.
“Ah. I wouldn’t want to deprive you from your favorite books.” He chuckled softly. “I’ll just borrow you one if it’s alright with you.”
Falco hastened to put the other books back into his bag. “When you’ll be done with that one, I can always come back with another if you’d want!”
Their eyes met and Falco noticed how the face of the patient had slightly brightened up already. He couldn’t look away from those soft blue green eyes locked on him. He looked so thankful for such a simple gift.
“Tell me, Falco. Why are you doing this?” asked the man with genuine curiosity.
Falco realized that he was holding his breath since they had made eye contact and exhaled quietly before smiling. “I want to be useful, sir.”
***
Two days later, Falco brought another book to the patient and the days following as well. A friendship was slowly emerging between the two as he kept sharing stories with the amnesic. They would chat for hours sitting on the bench together, mainly talking about the last book they read, comparing their points of view about it. Falco could tell those conversations and readings brought some joy into the man’s life, but even still, he felt like it wasn’t enough.
He was right of course, the stranger’s amnesia clearly weighed heavily on him. Falco could read it in his melancholic eyes and sad smile. Maybe now was the time to dig a little deeper, ask him about what happened. Not just out of curiosity, but because Falco wanted to help him get better. He needed it.
The rain was steady and persistent today, only after Falco went through the main door of the hospital, he realized that his friend was probably not in the courtyard. The bench outside had been their meeting point all this time, how was he supposed to find him now? He walked for a little while down the corridors, slaloming between the nurses and the injured soldiers crossing the hospital. Falco spent several minutes seeking for the amnesic man when, unexpectedly, he heard a familiar voice calling his name from behind. He turned and immediately raised his head, opening his eyes in surprise. “Woah!” he said before shamefully covering his mouth with both of his hands, removing them only to apologize. “I-I’m sorry I hadn’t realized that you were... uhm...”
“Tall?” asked his friend with an amused smile.
The man was tall indeed, probably the tallest around, as his head was easily sticking out from the crowd gathering in the hospital. The vice-captain was a tall man too, about 6’1”, but Falco could swear the patient standing in front of him was even taller by at least half a head. He pursed his lips and looked at his feet. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright, no harm done.” the man said with a reassuring tone, gently patting Falco on the head. He invited him to stand at a nearby window so they wouldn’t bother the people walking down the corridor. Like before, they exchanged books, Falco giving him a new one to read as they talked about the previous story.
After a few minutes debating about whether or not the characters of the last book were well written, Falco decided it was time to ask something more serious.
“I wanted to ask you...” he paused, unsure of himself. The man was quiet, looking at him and waiting. He couldn’t go back now, he had to ask, taking a deep breath and speaking in a hushed tone. “Why do the doctors want you to read that history book? Are you not from here? Did you forget our history? Or...or were you...a bad Eldian and needed to...”
He stopped. The expression on the man’s face had changed but he couldn’t tell exactly how. Was it shock or anger? Did the question hurt him? Falco averted his eyes, ready to apologize, when he heard the soft and deep voice again. “When the authorities found me on the Marleyan beach before they knocked me unconscious, I apparently claimed that I needed to get back to Liberio.”
Falco raised his head again toward the man. He was awfully calm, his gaze lost somewhere past the window, as he continued. “I was in a coma for a long time. At first, I thought it was because of the hit I received from the guard, but the doctors were positive that the incident was only a trigger. My body had just...shut down from exhaustion and trauma I can barely recall after being knocked out. I guess I’d had enough and went to sleep for as long as I could.”
The man remained silent and Falco hesitated. Should he talk? What was he supposed to say? Comfort him? Ask him more questions? His story was indeed very strange and curiosity was nibbling at him, but it seemed to be a very sensitive subject and Falco didn’t want to hurt his friend.
Curiosity won out along with compassion. Falco put his hand on the man’s forearm in a gentle manner, hoping to reassure him. “And the doctors just wanted you to catch up on what you forgot with some basics, like history, right?” The man nodded silently, still observing the rain outside that was drawing a white curtain covering the courtyard. Falco persisted. “Did it help you?”
This time, his friend turned his head towards him with a shrug. He was smiling gently but his eyes were sad, so sad. He answered with a large sigh. “I don’t really know. Sure, it brought back my knowledge of this world, but it is not by reading a history book that I will recover my memory.”
“Actually, when did you wake up?” Falco asked.
“Several months already, almost a year” the patient muttered, desperate.
Falco was surprised by the amount of time spent with amnesia despite the effort of the hospital. “Oh! And... you still can’t remember anything?!”
“I do remember some things. Authorities keep questioning me and sometimes, what they show or ask me triggers my memory.” the stranger responded glumly.
Falco startled and looked around before discreetly asking “Authorities are still…” but he didn't dare finish. He felt it would sound too accusing, and he didn't want his friend to think such a thing. The tall man looked at him for a long minute, his eyes piercing through him as if he was trying to read his intention. Falco maintained his gaze, it was difficult but he needed his friend to trust him. Finally, the patient spoke up. “Of course. I still have no name, no address, no past. I don't even know what I was doing on that beach.” He bit his lower lip and broke the eye contact, looking at the rain pouring outside. “They are still suspicious, the shreds of memory I’ve recovered are no use for identifying me, I’m only still alive thanks to a few ranked men thinking I might be of value. I wanted to get back to Liberio but for what? I don't think being trapped in this hospital was my objective, something tells me I'll rot here if nothing is jarred loose in this broken mind.”
Falco saw him rubbing his eyes with the side of his palm, then a following sniffling noise confirmed his worries, the tall man was crying. He gently pressed his fingers around the wrist of his friend, drawing his gaze back. Big tears rolled down the cheeks of the giant as he sobbed “I want to go home.”
***
Falco was walking in the street, barely paying attention to the road before him. His mind was haunted with the image of his friend weeping, that sad face turned towards him, greenish eyes drowned into tears and lower lip trembling from an aching sorrow. No, he couldn't get rid of it. He had thought about it all night, the words he’d uttered to comfort the forlorn stranger echoing inside his skull.
“I’ll help you. Even if it's just a little, I'll help you.”
To Falco, it felt like a promise, and he was the kind of boy who kept his promises. He would try his best for his amnesic friend, investigate his case and bring him back home. It wouldn’t be any kind of help like the professionals could offer, he was only a child, but he just knew somehow that he could help. After all, he’d already heard about people recovering memories just by interacting with others.
The next day, Falco entered the hospital with a determined stride. As always, he politely greeted everybody around before rushing to the courtyard. Yesterday’s rain had cooled down the weather a bit but the bench where his friend sat was warmed up by the soft rays of sun.
After exchanging smiles and books, Falco sat down next to the man, looking at him and speaking firmly “I thought about it, see, I was born in Liberio. My family has lived here for a long time. Maybe if you tell me what you remember, I could recognize something and help you piece things together!”
The patient turned his face towards the child with a surprised look, glancing down at his own hand, slowly caressing the pages of his book. Falco remained quiet, leaving the man to his thoughts, as if he was contemplating whether or not to share. Finally, their eyes met again. “I don’t know if it is safe to share such information with you, Falco. I don’t want anything bad happening to you.” he replied.
“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be quiet! I’ll keep everything to myself!” Falco said emphatically.
The patient sighed and muttered almost for himself. “I haven't talked to anybody aside from the doctors and the Marleyan authorities since I came to this hospital. I’ve barely made any progress, talking to an actual Liberio citizen might help, you’re right.” He brushed a hand through his dark hair and rubbed the back of his neck. “Alright. What do you want to know?”
Falco’s eyes brightened up. His friend was trusting him enough to open up to him, to let him help. He took it as a great honor and started his mission to uncover the truth. “Okay, so...why not start with the beginning? Do you remember anything from before you arrived on the beach?”
Closing his eyes, the amnesic man breathed in and searched his memory. He opened his lips before sealing them again, chewing on them until he was ready. “I remember... I remember deep fear and a loud explosion. Flesh, bones, blood, bodies, and debris everywhere and... the silence. A heavy silence. Then I think I was in some sort of basement? I can’t be sure, it was so dark and there were clouds of dust or fog, I couldn’t tell.” He paused, frowning, still searching his mind. “After that...I remember wandering in a city, I don’t know if it’s a trick of my mind or if I just walked only during the night, but it was always dark there. I remember my eyes burning from the light then...I really don’t know what happened. I was alone, hunting and hiding, constantly fearing something, but I can’t recall what.”
With one hand he massaged his forehead and temples, trying to get a grasp on some ghostly images, stopping when he felt the tiny hand on his forearm. Falco looked a bit concerned “It’s okay if you don’t remember everything, just keep going, you can fill in the blanks later if something comes back to you.” he whispered.
The man glanced towards Falco and nodded with a thankful smile before continuing. “Uhm...I walked for a long time across plains, fields, forests...until... until...the sea. Yes, I saw the sea. Then...I don’t know... Something happened. Maybe I jumped? All I can remember was the sky as I was floating, my back on the calm waves of the sea. Then I was on Marley’s beach.”
“Wait... were you in Marley or somewhere nearby before finding yourself on the beach?” Falco asked.
The man drew his legs back towards him, hugging his knees to keep himself in a more comforting position. “I have no idea where I was previously, or how much time I spent there. I don’t even know for how long I have traveled.”
“Hmm...” Falco hummed to himself, a finger on his chin as he was trying to understand those thin flashes of memory. “You talked about an explosion, debris and bodies. Maybe you were at war? As an Eldian, you were probably a soldier then.”
“It could be, yes. The authorities thought the same but when they found me, I had no uniform nor armband. They had to administer a blood test to confirm that I’m an Eldian. Some would like to see me in training to prove this soldier theory but the others think it could be dangerous if I’m actually a spy.” the man replied absently, his chin resting on his knees.
“Do you think you are a spy?” Falco asked cautiously.
The patient shrugged and closed his eyes again. “I don’t even know. If I am, well...I’m the shittiest spy ever.”
Falco sighed. It was hard to figure anything from this puzzle with so many missing pieces. They were hitting a wall here, maybe it was time to ask about some other memories? New details of his past could maybe help untangle this mess. So, Falco asked, feeling his heart tightening in his chest as he listened to the patient's answers.
The man told him about the bedroom he slept in when he was a child, how he used to share his bed with a friend when he’d come for the night. He described the kitchen and its related routine, the games he used to play with faceless children and the long walk with his father around what seemed to be the internment zone of Liberio. He narrated some of his days at school, how he was praised by the teachers and how he would help his friends who had trouble with homework. He could precisely depict specific surroundings but had trouble remembering faces and even more so names. Those memories weren’t very useful, but at least it was a part of the man’s past he could cling to.
Sadly, it was already time for Falco to return home. He swore to his friend he would think about what they discussed during the night and left him, reluctantly. After dinner he decided to take a walk and try retracing the path his friend used to take with his father. He managed to find it, thanks to the meticulous description, and walked, looking around. It was a shame the patient couldn’t remember the start nor the end of it, though Falco might still have an idea of where he might have lived before.