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I miss Four.
That same sentence kept repeating in my head over and over, like the ringing of a phone, never stopping until you finally listen to it. But I didn't want to listen to it.
Four told me to go, right? So they wanted me gone! I couldn't try to reach out to them if I knew they'd just be upset when I came back. It'd be rude. They wanted to keep their distance from me. That was understandable, and I'd respect it.
So that nagging voice repeated and repeated, through every challenge; through every dream; through every song; through every waking moment.
I miss Four.
Why did I miss Four? If I knew they'd rather be without me, wouldn't it be selfish to want them back?
I decided I wouldn't think about it. After all, there's no use in crying over spilled milk...and it was probably for the best that Four and I spent some time apart.
The rest of our lives apart.
...
I miss Fou-
SHUT UP! I don't want to hear another word you say, intangible voice in my head!
I sat alone contemplating... everything. Everything Four and I had done together, everything we never got to do together. My feelings for them. The feelings I've held for so, so long.
I thought it was impossible that they'd ever return those feelings knowing what had happened; how they'd told me to leave. It hurt. More than anything in the world. It felt worse than a stab in the chest, or even getting hit by a bus. It felt like drowning. In lava. With a thousand 2 ton weights pulling you down. So much pain.
But as I sat in silent longing for the number I loved so dearly, I heard the cheery ringtone of my phone from across the room. Sighing, I stood up and walked over to it to see who was calling me.
It wasn't somebody in my contacts, and I hadn't given anyone my number recently, so naturally I was a little confused. Nevertheless, I answered in case it was important, albeit hesitantly, and put the phone up to where I heard from.
My eyes widened.
"X! Oh, thank algebra you answered me! I-I'm so sorry!"
It was Four.
...Since when did Four have a phone?
I didn't know how to reply. I wasn't expecting this. Didn't Four want me to leave? Why are they calling me? And again: SINCE WHEN DID THEY HAVE A PHONE?!
"L-listen," I heard Four begin shakily, "I don't know what came over me!" They were speaking quickly, almost frantically, as if at any moment I'd snap at them. Their speech also seemed to be somewhat slurred. "I don't know why I told you to leave, or any of that. I was just so stressed, and I was afraid! I thought you'd really rather go to Two's show, that you'd be better off there." Though unconsciously, my expression softened.
Four took a deep breath and continued. "Maybe I was right about that, but just- I just miss you so fucking much!" I noticed them beginning to sob. "I can live without you, but I sure as hell don't fucking WANT to! I-I miss your laugh, and your smile, and everything about you so much, every goddamn day!" They then broke down into tears.
They seem really...intoxicated, I thought. I wonder if they actually mean it?
Despite this, I gave the best response I could. "I miss you too, Four. And it's okay, really! I-"
"Holy fuck," Four interrupted, "I missed your voice so fucking much. Oh my God, your voice."
Yup. Definitely drunk. Really drunk.
"Umm..." I began. "Well, I'm not sure what you want me to do." I silently admitted to myself that I had also missed their voice, but I'd have preferred for it not to be like this. "Do you want me to see if I can go over there and see you?"
"No, no, that's fine, I-I know you wanna stay with Two...urgh, fucking Two!" They groaned. "I mean, it's not- it's not like I don't wanna see you. But you should stay with Two, since I know you want to."
"I'll just go see you. Okay?" Please. Anything to not have to see Two.
...Plus, I just really miss you, Four...
But I wouldn't say it out loud.
"X, you really don't have to-"
I hung up. I immediately felt horrible after doing so, but I sighed and got up to walk over to Two.
When I found them, I gave them a small tap on the shoulder and looked at them nervously. "Um, Two?"
Two looked back at me and scowled. "What do you want, X?! I'm very busy!"
"Well, I was just wondering if you'd maaaaybe teleport me over to where Four and their contestants are?" I gave them a sweet smile and fumbled with my hands to try and persuade them.
Two rolled their eyes. "Going back with Four's crew, aren't you? I knew you'd give in eventually." They took out their Get Away From Me Button. "Whatever. Go be with your little numbyfriend. You suck at hosting anyways!" They pressed the button.
It felt...weird. Kind of like swimming through lava; it felt sort of ticklish, a bit painful, and a little itchy.
When I found myself in the place where Four and their contestants were staying, the first thing I noticed was that the entire look of it was very unorthodox. It was shaped almost like a city, but it was filled with natural growths and rock formations. I scratched my head and looked around for where Four was, noticing many strange structures throughout.
As I studied the location, I heard a loud wail followed by sobbing in the distance. Sounds like Four..., I thought. I followed the noise and surely enough, I found them sitting down, rubbing their eyes behind a bush. They seemed to be calming down, but they were still shaky and tears silently streamed down their cheeks.
My favorite number. I hate to see them so upset.
Four noticed the sound of footsteps and looked up before locking my gaze. They gave a brief look of confusion, which then turned into sadness. "X?" They broke into tears once again. I ran up to them and sat down next to them, instinctively putting my hand on theirs as a means of comfort. I noticed that they seemed to smell of alcohol.
"Four, it's okay," I reassured them. "I'm here now." I remarked to myself how much I'd missed the feeling of their hand in mine as well as their warmth. "And I came here because I wanted to, okay? I'd much rather be with you than with Two."
Four sobbed. "R-really?" Their voice seemed to be more slurred than it had been before. "But Two's so much better and cooler than I am, and-"
I gave them a tight hug as they let out a small gasp. "You're my best friend, Four." I smiled. "I could never leave you for Two, no matter how much 'better and cooler' they are!" I let go of the hug and looked into their eyes, holding both of their hands. "And personally, I think you're way more awesome than Two is, and could ever be! All right?"
Four nodded wordlessly as more tears rolled down their cheeks. They looked at me with a blank expression for a few seconds before giving a genuine smile, tightening their weak grip on my hands.
Drowsiness seemed to sneak up on me suddenly, and I let out a yawn. I was surprised for a moment before I giggled. "I guess I didn't realize how sleepy I was! Do you have somewhere to sleep already, Four?"
They took a moment to process what I had asked them before nodding. "Oh, yeah, I do."
Four stood up, pulling me up with them, and guided me to where they slept as I held them steady, them nearly tripping a few times. They opened the door of a seemingly ancient building and walked until they found another door with a paper reading "FOUR'S ROOM" in their own handwriting taped to it. They opened the door and lead me to their bed, which was queen-sized and had a blue and yellow diagonal striped blanket. They collapsed onto the bed the moment they reached it and fell asleep almost immediately. Before I knew it, their light snore started up.
I chuckled quietly, beyond happy to be with Four again, no matter how drunk they were. I carefully pulled the blanket out from under them and tucked them in. I then got in on the opposite side of the bed. My face softened as I noticed that the blanket smelled like them before I drifted off to sleep, feeling peace for the first time in months.
~~~
I yawned and drowsily rubbed my eyes. I then sat up and looked around in momentary confusion, wondering where I was, before finally looking at Four and smiling, the vague memories of the night before flooding back to me.
Like clockwork, Four woke up not too long after. They sat up and stretched. "Uurrghh..." They groaned. "Did someone take me to bed?" They looked at me and took a moment to process what they were seeing before putting their hands over their mouth in terror. "X?! Oh, God, I knew I shouldn't have drunk so much last night!" They shook their head quickly and paused to consider me a second time, clearly in disbelief of what they were seeing. "I'm so sorry! I don't know how I forced you to come over here, but you can go back to Two now!"
"Four," I began, looking back at them, "you didn't force me to do anything! I came here of my own accord, because you were upset, and I missed you." I gave them a smile, but they didn't seem convinced.
"How did you come over here, then?" Four interrogated. "Two wouldn't have just let you go, right? And how did you even know to come in the first place?"
"I wasn't sure if Two would let me go, either, but they were surprisingly willing. Something about how I 'suck at hosting anyways.'" I noticed Four scowl as I quoted Two verbatim. "I knew to come because you gave me a call, but I'm not exactly sure how you found my number. I'm not really suspicious, though, seeing as a lot of our friends have me in their contacts."
Four's eyes widened at this. "Oh, no. Did I act super embarrassing?"
"Mmm..." I recalled the night before once again. "Kinda, yeah, but I didn't really mind because you're my best friend."
Four stared at me for a moment, a light blush coloring their face. I wasn't sure if they were embarrassed, flattered, or both. They blinked and averted their gaze. "We're... I'm still your best friend?" They looked at me once again.
"Of course!" I hugged them close to me. "You'll always, always be my best friend. I care about you more than anyone else, okay? And that'll never change!" I let go of the hug and absentmindedly put my hand on their cheek. "Don't forget it, all right?"
I noticed Four's blush become more intense. They gave a grunt of acknowledgement and held their hand on mine, keeping it on their cheek. The two of us stared at one another for a few moments before they scooped me into a tight hug.
As Four cuddled me close enough for me to hear their soft, quiet breathing, I silently affirmed to myself that no feeling was better than that of Four's embrace. I closed my eyes, able to feel the steady rise and fall of their chest.
My breathing seemed to slow down as an emotion which could only be described as pure and unadulterated safety washed over me like the tranquil, serene tide of the ocean coming in.
I knew what this feeling was.
I opened my eyes and looked up at Four, examining their face and its features closely. Noticing that it was tinted an even deeper purple, I then brought one hand up to their face to stroke their cheek gently once again. "Hey, Four..." I began, "...can I tell you a secret?"
I heard Four's voice, which softly said with a pleasant, almost melodious inflection, "You can tell me anything, X." As they whispered this to me, I noticed their expression softening and them hugging me tighter, bringing me closer to them.
Four was rarely this quiet. Four was much more rarely this calm. I could tell how they felt, and it was my turn to let them know I felt the same. Not even needing to gather any courage, I brought myself closer to where they heard from and let go of the words I had so desperately wanted to say.
"I love you," I breathed. "And...and it's okay if you don't want to say anything back; if you can't say anything back. I understand. But I just needed you to know that I love you."
The two of us lay in silence for what seemed like a thousand eternities. I didn't mind. I wasn't even waiting for a response. I was perfectly content with Four's company alone.
Suddenly cutting through the comfortable quiet, Four whispered back to me. "I love you, too." They planted a kiss on my top-left nub.
They began to caress me ever so softly and gently as they cuddled me closer. I looked up at their face, their expression indicating calmness before it softened for a few seconds. They then gave me a small kiss again, this time on my cheek.
They continued to speak, their voice low and soothing. "I've loved you for so long. I just didn't... I never considered that you might feel the same way."
I gave a loving smile, able to feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. "Oh, Four..." I whispered. "I've always felt the same. For as long as I can remember, I've loved you. So much."
Neither I nor Four said anything. We simply hugged each other close, silently promising never to let go, and drifted off to sleep once again. Finally, we felt safety in one another's arms.