Chapter Text
First of all there was no therapist in Beach City, which was strange for a place with so many magical things and creatures attacks.There were a lot, A LOT of restaurants, but not that many of medical offices... not at all, actually. My stars, that town was really lucky to have Steven to help them, yeah they were lucky so lucky he was able to fix everything no wait don't think about it it wasn't anyone fault after all...
Secondly, if Gems culture was present in human history for hundreds of years, it didn't mean everyone knew what the hell this was about. Greg was right : how could doctors help Steven when they didn't learn about Gems ? Heck, Steven would always remember Dr. Maheswaran's face when they both understood why Steven's skeleton was this bold.
It was so it could stretch, getting longer and thiner when he was shape-shifting. Of course. Totally normal. The doctor even suggested that his healing powers prevented him to feel the pain his transformations caused. Great. Cool.
Anyway, Steven was having a bad time discovering his mind and body's limits. Not to mention that, thirdly, sometimes when they could find a therapist that seemed comfortable with the Gem stuff, it wasn't a therapist Steven was comfortable with. For example, when Steven explained his powers, one told him that he had to put aside his needs since responsibilities were implied with that kind of powers. Yeah. Or, when Steven described his outburst with his father, another told him he was complaining that no one understood him while he understood no one. Steven was shaken by this and spent the entire afternoon after his appointment apologizing to his father about his behavior. It took a lot of Greg's patience to calm him down, explaining to him that Steven didn't have to try to understand anyone other than himself. That it was okay to be angry, angry at him, or sad, or jealous, and then he stayed for the night, telling stories about his parents, about Rose, about the van, about Steven when he was little, how he was sometimes the worst baby he had ever met.
Greg was really here to help his son, going with him to see Connie's mum and discovering more about the injuries Steven had physically, about why Steven should consult a doctor some times, laughing at some of Steven's scanners which made the young man smile instead of worrying about the weird shape of his intestines. Greg was still Sadie and Shep's manager but he decided to wait until Steven find someone to take care of him before he would go on tour again, organizing the band's concerts from Steven's house. He also used the computer he bought to work to search some addresses, names, he called friends and even relatives to have advices about therapy, he read books, did drawings, discovered the different diagnosis and treatments you could receive.
At some point, he did have a conversation with Dr. Maheswaran about pills, if it could have effects on Steven and if he should take some. The wise woman wanted to know more about Steven's brain before making a statement and all of this was so well done and so well prepared how could this feel messed-up and organized at the same time ?
Steven was going to find a therapist.
Steven was going to recover from the trauma.
Steven was going to take care of himself instead of taking care of everyone else.
So why did that feel... like the scariest thing he ever challenged ? He saved his family, saved the Earth, saved the universe and yet... this felt like something not as easy. Something he didn't make easy either.
Because here was the fourth thing : Steven didn't want to go to therapy.
He didn't say it to the Gems, especially not to Connie who was the one who claimed, the morning after he went berserk both figuratively and physically, that he needed to talk to a specialist. The Gems and his Dad agreed quickly, even the Diamonds while they had no clue to what a specialist was. He didn't say it to anyone, didn't cancel the appointments his Dad made, didn't pretend to listen to the many men and women he saw, didn't run away from home where his family waited for him with vegan ice-cream to talk about it and to reassure him because it could take times to find the right therapist it could take time or maybe it would never happen thought Steven because... Anyway.
Steven was glad to be supported... to be... no... to be the one with issues... to be the one who needed to talk and not the one who needed to listen... No... Steven couldn't handle this. But he didn't forget everything his friends told him while he was a giant monster. He didn't forget how he cried, not like when he was a kid, but like a catharsis, like those tears were inside for so long. The problem was that he didn't want to share those tears anymore, with anyone, especially a stranger. He was more comfortable to see someone cry... okay that came up weirdly. He even caught himself sometimes asking the therapists if they were alright, which seemed to not be what a patient should do.
"This time, I won't ask them if they had a good childhood", he promised himself while starting up the car.
It was two weeks and 8 therapists after the incident.
The new therapist Steven was going to see worked in a small village next to Charm City, 40 minutes by car from his house but Shep recommended her so much that Greg called the cabinet right away. "She's worth the road-trip, trust me", they said. Well, it wasn't like he had something to lose since his dad was a millionaire and he had all the time in the world.
Still, he accelerated when he went out of Beach City, taking deep breath so he didn't remember that time when he was behind the wheel yes that time no he shouldn't remember he shouldn't remember the wheel. The wheel between his hands. The accident. No. Stop. He shouldn't remember the main reason why he didn't want to see a therapist.
Why he was so scared. Yes. Scared.
He was so scared that talking to someone would make him pink again. And he didn't want to.
Gosh he didn't want to.
He took a deep breath. He tried to forget. He tried to anchor himself in the present, and when he was finally out of the woods, he did. After all, the road was nice, the sun was high, such a pretty morning after the chaos.
He quickly arrived in front of a tiny building with blue shutters and white-tinted windows, beautiful flowers blooming on boxes in front of each of them. He parked, watched the golden sheets next to the front door to be sure it was the right address and saw that there were a sophrologist, an hypnotherapist, a psychologist, a psychotherapist.
Steven missed an heartbeat when he saw the name of the therapist he was about to meet, he didn't know if it was a sign or something but, right under her name in capital was engraved her signature and... instead of a dot above the "i", there was a star. It was... no. It was just a coincidence. How could someone he didn't even know manage all the things he went through ? How was it even possible that... No...
What if that therapist messed him up ?
Or, worst, what if he messed up that therapist ?
No... He shouldn't have too much hope. He didn't want to remember Greg and Connie explaining to him that it could take times before finding the right doctor for him.
There wasn't a right doctor.
Still, he took another deep breath, looked at his phone to check the time, saw that Connie sent him a "Thinking of you!" message and he smiled.
It was eleven o' clock.
He rang.