Chapter Text
Very rarely did Anthony Edward Stark spend his precious time thinking about philosophical bullsh*t. Just the thought of even reading inspirational quotes off of the many greeting cards that were sent his way was enough to make his eyes roll. But every so often, usually during the most random of times, he would follow a strand of thought that would lead him into exploring his feelings (ugh feelings). It was on one of those rare days where he was forced to sit at the head of a large glossy table, listening to suited old men moving their mouths and making sounds, that Tony wandered into the deepest crevices of his mind. He sifted through memories that were buried deep, wishes that were locked away, and finally stumbled upon a stray thought he had started building a few nights ago. It was about love, oddly enough as it is. It was about love, and him, and his heart made of iron, a legacy that was gifted to him by the great Howard Stark. The meeting droned on, and Tony continued to mindlessly ponder. It was only until the group of wrinkly men turned to him for a final statement that Tony snapped out of his daze and hastily shoved the conclusion he had just made back into the far reaches of his mind.
Yea, it was just as he had thought, hearts made of iron weren't made for love.
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Waking up to a warm bed and a blurred face was as common to him as the thick liquid he guzzled down every evening. He doesn't shy away from statements like ‘playboy’ and ‘alcoholic’. Why should he when it was true anyways? After all, what society has dubbed ‘its greatest pleasures’, is only to be expected to fill the days and nights of a rich and handsome young CEO like Tony Stark. And even if the labels were not true and he stated so, the media or the people woudnt beleive him anyways. He had inherited an entire company at a young age and had worked his a** off to make it the pioneer in technology that it was today. He spent caffeine filled hours coding, rearranging wires, and perfecting designs all for the good of the country. So what's wrong about him indulging? Why should he be embarrassed about having those trashy tabloids rack up pictures of him with at least two women wrapped around his waist? Of course, his secretary, the ever upright Virginia Potts, didn't seem to agree with his sentiments. She didn't know that Tony needed these things to fill the blank portions of his iron heart. The attention, affection, and praise; he needed them all to get through his days. But he sure as hell wasn't going to explain it all to her either. She didn't need to know why he did such things, just that he did. “You're going to get into serious trouble one day Mr.Stark” she would warn him for the nth time after escorting a ginger that had spent a hazy night with him. “Sure sweetheart” he had replied back, brushing past her concerns just like he did every other morning.
As a certified genius, Tony wasn't stupid. No matter how much he couldn't recall the countless women in his sheets, he would always remember to use protection. Tony's intellect even shined when he was drunk. If you ask him to tie his shoelaces, he may trip and fall flat on his face, but ask him how to reconstruct a hydraulic engine? He could do it all in five minutes. So he could forget his own name and he would still remember that square packet tucked away in his pocket. Forgetting something like that wasn't even an option for him. It hasn't happened yet and would never happen in the future. He wouldn't even bring himself to worry about the consequences of forgetting because it wasn't a possibility. But even he knew that it wasn't a guarantee. There was always the small risk, a risk that he wouldn't normally take if it wasn't for the thoughts that threatened to drown him every day. He needed his large bed warm at night to try and stave off the echoing emptiness he felt. He didn't care if he woke up the next morning feeling exactly the same. He didn't care if the only things these nightly adventures gave him was a measly distraction and a frail liver. He needed something. And if this was the best he could get, then for sure he would use it every chance he got. He wasn't going to let that small risk stop him.
Until the day it did.
It was at a casino where he met her. She was wearing bright red and her hair shined gold in the dim light. It was definitely the sight of his two favorite colors that attracted him to go sit beside her at the poker table. It was the five drinks and her freckles that made him leave with her hanging off his arm three hours later. He remembered her mentioning that she was from out of state in the backseat of his car. He remembers slipping that beautiful bright red off her shoulders. And of course he remembers the square plastic packet. But he didn't remember much else. He certainly didn't remember anything more when he got a call months later, Pepper hovering around in the background with a tight frown on her face. “Um, hello. Tony Stark?” the voice asked, hesitant. “Yes this is he. And whos this?” he asked, twirling a wrench between his fingers. “Well, this is Amanda Keener but you probably won't know me as that. We met at Magic City Casinos in LA about a few months ago.” the women - er Amanda, said. Glancing over to Pepper, Tony gave her look that asked ‘and why is this person relevant to me?’. Peppers lips twisted even more, if that was possible, as if he was the cause of all the misfortune in her life. And maybe he was but that was for another time. “Listen lady, I've met many women in many casinos and none of them have ever called me unless they were asking for a round two which, you should know, I don't do. So have a nice day Miss Keener”. Before he could toss the phone aside, an exclamation of “Wait!” was heard. Tony sighed and put the receiver back against his ear. “Yeeees?” he drawled out, his already limited patience running out. He doubted she was one of those desperately shameless women who wanted to weasel something out of him, after all Pepper was the one to filter all his calls and she had a block list about 4 feet long. “Listen Mr.Stark. I'm already seven months in and I'm not expecting anything from you. No money, no promises, no nothing. I just felt like telling you was the courteous thing to do.” she said, clear and firm but still with an undertone of anxiety. “Seven months into what? Im sorry but what is this about?” Tony asked, beyond exasperated.
“Mr Stark… I'm pregnant… with your child”.
The wrench slipped from his fingers, clattering on the floor and sending a shock wave of sound throughout his lab. But it didn't compare to the shock that went through Tony. He could feel his head start to spin and everything start to blur out just a bit. He was almost sure that his coffee was spiked with something until Peppers voice snapped him out of it. “Mr Stark! Mr. Stark? Are you okay?” she said, shaking his shoulder. Tony brushed her off, struggling to sit upright on his stool. “Im fine. Let me just…” he turned to the cell that had fallen from his fingers, considering it with all caution as one would look at a bomb. The thought that this could be a hoax popped up, a ploy to squeeze something out of him. But it was Pepper who had told him this was an important call… which means she had already run all sorts of tests and had concluded that this WAS worth his precious time. Which means… this… this could be real. He looked up at his secretary who now stood at a respectable distance. “Did you already…” he couldn't say the rest of it even if he tried. But he didn't need to because Pepper, his ever so efficient secretary nodded, “Yes, I requested a DNA test and went personally to confirm the results.” she said, not looking him in the eyes. He didn't even need to know the rest, he already knew. Because if there was one thing Virigina Potts didn't do was avoid his gaze like some meek employee. And if she was avoiding his eyes, it could only mean…
He felt his vision concave again and quickly ordered to be left alone. Not seeing the worried look in Peppers eyes, Tony turned away and gripped the edges of his work table till his knuckles turned white. He could barely register the fading sound of Peppers heels and her soft voice conversing with Amanda. His hands, no matter how hard he gripped, continued to shake. Damn, it was worse than that one time he tried to quit drinking! He almost laughed out loud at that thought but he knew if he did, he would be one more step closer to insanity. The words “pregnant” and “yours” just kept repeating in his head, louder and louder until that was all he could understand. Suddenly it became harder to breathe, as if his lungs were disconnected from his brain and the oxygen in the room was being sucked out. He... he couldn't breathe. His chest wasn't rising and falling like it was supposed to! But this moment was more familiar to him that the last ten minutes have been. This was something he at least knew how to deal with. If the world knew that the great Tony Stark was familiar with immobilizing panic attacks, they would probably say it was a “predictable consequence of his wild behavior” or deem it as an “attention-seeking PR stunt”. Those were two phrases he had seen more often than his preferred “Genius-Playboy-Billionaire-Philanthropist”.
For a moment, Tony considered not doing anything and wait until he blacks out. Because at least then, he wouldn't have to think about… about… but if he woke up in a hospital bed a few days later, he knows Obie would rip him a new one. So instead, Tony tried to focus as much as he could, ignoring everything else but trying to seek out five things that were red. For his favorite color, there was little of it in his lab that mostly consisted of blues, silver, and white. Once he spotted a red case, a red flash drive, and a red wire, his breathing began to return to its normal pace. The concerned beeps and whirs from DUM-E were the first sounds that came rushing back to him. He looked over at the old hunk of moving junk and couldn't help the fond smile that appeared. DUM-E had been looking rusty lately, its movements creaky and not as fluid as they used to be. The reminder of how he had forgotten to update the bot brought back the wave of panic from before. Tony groaned with his head in his hands. DUM-E was basically his kid and look how he treats him! Tony threatens him at least everyday about giving him away to some college! And the only reason DUM-E hasn't fallen apart is because of how low maintenance he was!
Why did this happen?
How could this happen?
‘Idiot, of course I know how!’, he berated himself, on the edge of hysteria and an inch closer to having another panic attack (two within five minutes of each other- that would be a record). He cant take care of another human being! He cant even take care of himself, let alone someone else! And you cant program or code a child so they would function properly. No, you had to teach them, nurture them… love them. And Tony Stark couldn't do that. He couldn't even imagine himself doing that in his wildest nightmares. He didn't have it in him to be a… a male parental figure. It wasnt in his DNA. Stark men are emotionally and mentally unable to do so. In fact, Tony had a theory that it had something to do with being blessed with high intelligence and good looks and therefore, low paternal instincts. It would be an injustice to the human race if Stark men excelled at everything, so this was natures way of keeping the balance. From the little hairs on his skin to the depths of his bone marrow, Tony Stark was not born with the right stuff needed to raise an actual, living, impressionable child. Why, he himself is the greatest evidence of how Stark men are completely incapable of raising a child. His father had done one h*ll of a job. It was such a h*ll of a job that Tony didn't even know what it meant to be a… a male paternal figure. No matter how many times he had seen ‘The Pursuit of Happiness’, he still can't understand what it entailed. And the world could barely handle one Tony Stark; it sure as heck didn't need another one.
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Everything became a lot easier than he thought it would be and quite similar to how his usual arrangements go. There were meetings held, decisions made, NDAs passed around, and papers signed. Obie had made a fuss at first but Tony had stopped it before it escalated by explaining his decisions of not raising the kid at all. He had explicitly explained it to the handful of people that needed to know that he would be providing nothing more than financial support to the mother and child. And the handful of people had quickly agreed, after all, they too knew that throwing money at things was what Tony did best. Even Rhodey who had not agreed with him initially and had some weird notion that Tony should at least make some appearances for the child had finally conceded to him in the end. “Its for the best Rhodey Bear. Amanda will see the best doctors the state of Tennessee can offer and doesnt even have to worry about paying for the kids' college! Who wouldn't want that?” he said. “But its not going to hurt if you see the kid a few times Tones. Like for birthdays or something? After all it's going to be your kid.” Rhodey said, sounding sincere and not at all like he was joking. Tony had swiftly turned to him, making a tut, tut sound, looking all the more condescending. “Oh Rhodey Bear, he’s going to think I'm some weird uncle if I do that. And what if Amanda caves one day and admits that I'm the father like in Jerry Springer! I’m a dramatic man but even I dont need that type of drama in my life. Can you imagine the tears? Plus, you know that I can't handle kids no matter what stage of development they're at! Babies through adolescence is a big no no for me.” he said, ending that train wreck of a suggestion right then and there. It wasnt an exaggeration at all when he said he couldnt handle kids. Whenever he was in the presence of one he would either ignore them till they went away or gave them his ‘press smile’ and a few empty speeches about the importance of ambition or something. Heck, thats how he interacted with half the adults in his life let alone the kids! He was a walking contradiction. He thrived in the spotlight but he hated it. He was forced to become a “people person” but he wasnt!
Tony couldnt help but let out a sigh as he walked into his elevator alone, the doors sliding close and providing some much needed silence. It had been nothing but hectic madness for the last two weeks since the hydrogen bomb had been dropped in his life. He wouldnt allow himself to stop doing something, knowing that if he had even a small break, he would come crashing right down. Tony leaned back onto the cool wall, finally feeling as if everything was going to be okay; feeling as if his life wasn't spiraling out his hands and shattering into a million pieces. Once he had started to think of the baby as another one of his side projects, it didn't seem so bad anymore. He would just keep a watch of it from a far, donating money to it when needed and nothing more. That was something he did all the time. What was one more? It had sounded heartless when he had explained it out loud to Pepper but it was the only way Tony would be able to survive another day with something like this on his plate. Amanda had refused at first, insisting that she hadnt called for the money but Tony had explained to her that this was something he needed to do. He wouldnt be able to sleep (not that he was sleeping much now) if he didn't do anything while knowing he had a kid out there. He wasnt a complete bastard. She had reluctantly accepted then, promising to give him weekly updates until her birth and reassuring him that she would notify him of any emergencies. Tony had agreed, both of them avoiding any other topics that ‘usual parents’ would have conversed about by now. But they both knew that Tony Stark wasnt a ‘usual parent’. And they both didn't have any expectations of him ever becoming one either.
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The weeks passed by quickly with Tony doing the things he did best, the only interruptions to his usual routine being the updates Pepper would tell him about Amanda and the baby. There were even a few instances when he read some texts on fetal and infant growth (not that he’d ever let anyone but J.A.R.V.I.S know). He couldn't help but indulge the naturally curious streak of his personality. But he made sure to stay clear from any and all things that started branching into the ‘care’ and ‘raising’ portion of the topic. That would lead him into a series of spiral panic attacks and that was best to be avoided.That, and the fact that he had significantly cut down his night time partying and taking nameless women into his bed. That was what landed him in this situation and he was truthfully much too paranoid for a repeat. This change may not be a permanent thing, no one knowing what mood Tony Stark would be in the future, but for now, he would rather drink himself into oblivion by himself.
It was on an unusually cool Summer night that Pepper got the call. Tony was perfecting his latest design, making it ready to present it to his board tomorrow. Pepper came speed walking in, her usual grace forgone to reach Tony more quickly. “Amandas water broke and shes at the hospital right now.” she said, out of breath. Tonys eyes widen and he felt his heart squeeze as he slowly sifted through his blueprints. It really shouldn't have been a surprise since the due date was just two days away (he had spent an 20 minutes glaring at the red circle on the calendar Pepper had created for him) but Tony felt as if nothing could ever prepare him for this. It was like a hurricane you knew was coming and you try to prepare for but in the end, it was useless and all you could do was try to hold on as it wreaked havoc. “Did you call that doctor? Laner or Lanson or something?” he forced out, his stomach feeling like a 10 pound weight was dropped in it. It was a strange sensation, especially considering that he wasnt the one going into labor. “Dont worry Mr. Stark, everything will turn out fine”. Pepper says, a look of confidence on her face. Tony feigned a scoff, “I'm not nervous Ms Potts.” he said. Or at least, he wasnt nervous about what she thinks he would be nervous about. Oh no. Tony was nervous about the fact that within the next day or so, there would be a kid out there in this world with half his genes. It was terrifying idea that he would never had thought would become real all his life. And yet here they were.
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A healthy baby boy of seven pounds was born to Amanda Kenner on July 17th. It was a smooth, natural birth that had both the mother and son in recovery earlier than scheduled. The hospital staff would look on curiously at the women and newborn staying in their top class VIP room, surrounded by a team of specialists that were renowned in their specialized fields. They would see the trolley of fine meals wheeled in during the day, freshly washed bed sheets and hospital gowns brought in during the night, and a large bouquet of expensive flowers and wine delivered right after the birth. Then they would think to themselves that Amanda Kenner was lucky to have a doting husband and the baby boy was born blessed with such an amazing father.
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It was a text message two days later from Amanda that felt like the final call from reality to Tony. He had opened it up and was met with a picture of a red face who looked a second away from screaming, tiny fists clenched with prominent chubby rolls disguised as arms. Underneath it was a text that simply said “Harley Keener” with a date, time, and weight. Tony blinked at his screen for a moment, waiting for his brain to catch up with his eyes and finish processing what he was seeing. And of course the first thing his constipated brain came up with was, ‘She named him after a motorcycle?’. But Tony knew he didn't get the right to critique her choice of a name and instead moved on to ‘So this is him huh? This is my child’. The thought felt so wrong to him but he couldn't stop himself from looking at the scrunched eyes and small mouth on his screen. He didn't know what to feel. Or maybe he was feeling so much that he couldn't untangle it all? He didn't know the correct emotions he was supposed to have right now. Did this happen to other parents or was this another Tony-only thing again? He sighed a sigh worth at least ten years of his life as he stared wearily across the room, suddenly feel exhausted. He should probably text something back. The women was still recovering and had taken the time to text him so he should say something. Glancing once more at the baby - his baby, Tony typed up the only thing he could think of. He then slid his phone into a corner and walked away after pressing send, not wanting to be around the device for a second longer.
The words “Congratulations. Nice name” never seemed so flat.
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Willing his days to remain normal was not the simple task he thought it would become. From time to time, especially when Amanda would send a message over, thoughts of the baby would come drifting into Tonys head. Of course he would banish it as soon as it lingered for too long (no longer than thirty seconds was acceptable). There was even a day where he had caved into Rhodey’s constant badgering of “Come on Tones, you gotta see your own kid at least once in your life”. Usually Tony would then reply with a “I do Honey Bear. Amanda sends me pictures”. And maybe it was because he had reached his limit with Rhodeys constant insistence or maybe it was that prick of curiosity and warmth that had slowly risen over an year and a half but Tony had decided to visit a very specific small town in Tennessee. He didn't dare tell Obie about it and gave Pepper the excuse of having a boys night out with Rhoedy (who he dragged out with him because there was NO way he was going alone! This was HIS idea after all!). He didn't indulge Rhodeys knowing looks or amused smirks but instead sat in stoic silence the entire trip to the address Amanda had sent him. The whole thing felt surreal, an out of body experience, like watching yourself get murdered in a nightmare you know you had before. Tony could tell that Amanda had been surprised when he had mentioned his intentions of visiting (JUST once - it was explicitly stated) but she was polite, if not hesitant, about the whole thing. And for that, Tony once again couldn't help but appreciate the women and counted it as a blessing that at the very least, it was a woman like Amanda Keener that had his child.
Surprisingly, the thought that this was all a horrible idea and that it was never too late to jet back to Miami came later than it should have. A bit too late but not by much because Rhodey and he had just stepped onto a stone pathway leading up to a cozy yellow ranch house. Tony knew the delay was because his brain seemed to be in some sort of hypo active state the entire day and was just catching up. He couldn't believe he let Rhodey talk him into this! He didn't want this to happen! Ever since the day he found out about this child's existence, he was adamant on never letting something like this happen. So how could he let Rhodeys constant suggestions sway him? How could he let his curiosity over run him like this? Just because the pictures of a baby’s growth over a year was intriguing did not mean he could do something like this! So what if it was fascinating how an indistinguishable wrinkled red face could just transform into deep blue eyes, a curved chin, and his Nonna's nose?! That didn't mean anything! Tony growled, even his own damn brain was betraying him! He had just turned both his heels around, determined to get his private jet ready for boarding within an hour when he felt a hand lay firmly on his shoulder. “Tones. Are you sure you wont regret this?” Rhodey said, his voice free of bias and judgement. Tony stopped and turned to him, “You really do think I should do this huh?” he asked, his face showing a rare expression of vulnerability. He didn't really understand why Rhodey had been so stubborn about this whole thing but sometimes, he knew that his best friend, his only constant in life, knew more about him that Tony did. “Yea Tony, I really do.” Rhodey replied softly, a small smile on his face. And Tony knew that Rhodey was right. It might not be tomorrow, or the months after, or even the years after, but someday, Tony would regret not seeing his own child at least once. He let out a sigh, defeated, and trudged along as Rhodey led him to the tan door.
Amanda greeted them with a polite smile and led them in. Her home was just as Tony imagined it would be, small and warm with earthy colors all around and plenty of potted plants. He restrained himself with the urge to roll his eyes at the typical cowboy hat in a corner, a pair of large bull horns hung on a wall, and a framed quote that seemed to be right out of one of those self-help books. There were a few surprises, like a hideous mustard colored vase, a pair of well used trekking poles, and a seemingly untouched shelf of alcohol that immediately drew his eyes in (he could already feel the itch on his palms but restrained himself. Soon, he promised himself, soon). Amanda must have noticed where his gaze lingered because she offered them a glass before they had even sat down. Before Rhodey could let out a firm “No”, Tony said his “If you insist”. When Amanda had left for the kitchen, he could feel the heat of Rhodey’s glare. “We cant be rude guests Sour Patch.” was the only response he gave. Was it wrong to throw back a drink when meeting his child for the first time? Maybe? But could Tony use that bit of edge that he so desperately needed to get through this? Definitely. It would make this whole experience that much more manageable for him and that was good for everyone here. So really, he was doing them all a service when he sipped on the amber colored drink as soon as Amanda had set the tray down.
A few moments of silence passed until Rhodey, being the gentleman that he was, asked Amanda how everything was going. “Everything is good. Ive completely healed and the doctors all say that Harley is growing fine. He's passing all his milestones on time, following the curve, and he's even in the 75th percentile line!” she said, the first glimmering smile she gave them since they've come. Tony wondered if Rhodey had understood anything she had just said because he sure as f*ck didn't. What milestones would babies even have? A curve, like a graph? And was 75th percentile good because it sounded bad (but probably not because Amanda looked happy and the doctors that Tony had hired didn't tell him there was anything wrong with the child)? Why did this suddenly sound like one of the meetings he was forced to go to with the boring, old, wrinkly men? Is this what raising a baby was like? Like his hair pulling, time sledging, mind numbing meetings? No wonder Stark men weren't cut out for this! He was brought out from his thoughts when he heard the sound of a single high pitched wail. Tony would have thought it was comedic how they all seemed to freeze at the sound if he suddenly didn't feel like a tightly strung violin. Amanda looked back and down the hall where the noise had come from and turned back to them. “It seems like Harley's awake and ready to meet you both.” she said, an almost shy look on her face. When she left the living room, Tony let out the breath he was holding and swung the rest of his drink into his unusually parched mouth. “Tony calm down. It's going to be okay.” Rhodey said, turning to him. “You're not helping!” he exclaimed, grabbing the bottle for a much needed refill. “Tony!” Rhodey seethed as he grabbed the bottle back and pulled Tony's arm away, pushing him down into his seat. Tony was a second away from lashing out when they both heard the sound of Amanda's footsteps and scrambled to look like they weren't about to have an all out brawl.
When Amanda walked back in and settled down to her seat, Tony's eyes stayed glued to the figure in her arms. He’s never realized how small one and half year olds were until now. It was so surreal… how small babies were when compared to adults like himself. Amanda's smile shined as she maneuvered the baby in her lap to properly face them. He could see Rhodey lean forward in his peripheral vision as he felt himself instinctively move back. His eyes roved over the baby - no, it was Harley wasnt it? Right, the baby had a name now (well had a name for an year and half now but Tony has never really thought about it). He took in Harley's drooping blue eyes, the curved chin, and his Nonna's nose. He then quickly brushed over the fluffs of blond hair and chubby cheeks. Tony was trying. He was trying so hard to mold his face back into his usual expression but he just couldnt get rid of that panicked look in his eyes. He could tell because when Amanda glanced over at him, her face had fallen a fraction. He doesnt know what she had been hoping for but he knew she was a smart enough woman to not hope for the impossible. So whatever small hope it was, he had clearly failed (surprise, surprise, Tony Stark failing the hopes and expectations of another human being). He tried once more to reign his emotions in, hoping to distract himself by silently watching Rhoedy talk to Amanda about Harley. Rhodey went on and on about how cute Harley was and how big he had already gotten (Cute? He couldn't see it though his panic. Big? Where?). Tony's tongue felt heavy and dry like sandpaper and he wished more than anything that he didn't care about decency and would chug down the bottle in front of him. He had then snapped back to Amanda asking them both if they wanted to hold him. Before Tony could say a firm “No”, Rhodey beat him with an “If you insist”, subtly throwing a smug look at him. If they noticed how much more rigid Tony had gotten when Rhodey had Harley in his arms, they did say anything.
He watched uneasily as Rhodey struggled to adjust the squirming baby in lap, secretly pleased that Rhodey was just as clueless about these kinds of things as he was. The dark feeling that had started to grow ever since they had entered Amanda's home was coiling up quickly into Tony's throat as he watched Rhodeys smile go soft when Harley had finally looked up at him. Tony looked away from the duo, knowing if he didn't, he would probably walk right out the door and instead latched his attention onto the bottle in front of him. He feels himself taking deep breaths, in and out, chest expanding and contracting. He heard Harley babble, indistinguishable noises that all babies made that would one day become actual words.He then heard Rhodey speak to Harley as if the baby would understand and respond back to him and Tony just didn't understand the point of it all.
Harely looked so fragile, so malleable, so small. How was it that people didn't feel fear when faced with something like that? How was their first instinct to not step away when faced with something so delicate? Maybe it was because they didn't know how much the words and actions of a person could break another. Or maybe they didn't know how easy it was to destroy something with just a touch? But Tony knew, he knew all of this. In fact, Tony had experienced all of this first hand and maybe that was why he was considered the odd one. Because despite what everyone else says, the raw truth wasn't that Tony hated children, he was terrified of them… he was terrified for them. He releases a deep breath, taking another one in. His decision, even if people judged him for it or didn't understand him or called him heartless, is the right one. Because if Howard was the one that had broken Tony, Tony would surely be the one that broke Harley. Someone who didn't bother to care for their own necessities and continue to lead a mess of a life had no business trying to raise a child. He felt his muscles relax just a bit and he decided that this whirlwind of an experience was enough for a lifetime. He thinks he had lasted long and did good. There were no sudden outbreaks, no full set panic attacks, and he was polite. He even only had a single glass! Yea, he definitely did great. This was enough and it was better to end things on a good note.
He not-so-subtly glanced at his watch, making sure to wait until he was seen before he let out a sigh. Amanda and Rhodey glanced at him and Tony forced a touch of regret into his tone as he said, “Well, its getting pretty late”. They both looked startled and glanced at the clock hanging on the wall simultaneously. It was 6 in the evening and the sun was just starting to dip down from the sky. Finally, the universe was on his side for once! “We really appreciate you making time for us on such a short notice Amanda.” Tony said, trying to wrap up everything in a nice bow. Amanda retrieved a babbling Harley back into her lap and Tony ignored the look of disappointment in Rhodeys face. He doesnt know why, but he feels a slight sense of betrayal that Rhodey didn't share the same sense of urgency to flee as he did. Werent they suppose to be all in this together or whatever? Well, at least Rhodey didn't suggest for Tony to hold the baby as well so it looks like they wont be breaking up after all. Since no one else seemed to want to move, Tony rose from his seat first, which naturally led the other two adults to follow. Rhodey made sure to also thank Amanda (and Harley - again what was the point?) for their hospitality. Tony led front and center as the two - well three, followed him out the living room and eventually out the cozy yellow house. Rhodey bypassed him as Tony slowed his pace to an eventual stop. He should probably say something right? Be weird like Rhodey and talk to the baby as if he would understand what Tony was saying? This would be the last time he would see his very own child so surely, he should say something. He wouldn't damage Harley with just one careful sentence...right? Squaring his shoulders back, he turned swiftly to the new mother and her son, fully facing Harley for the first (and last) time. He had the immediate urge to swipe on his signature sunglasses when the baby's eyes pierced right into his but restrained himself (man was he doing a lot of that these days). He let a beat pass by then two, scrambling to collect himself all while thinking of something to say. He struggled to push back the wave of ‘Breakable, delicate, small, breakable, pure ’ that was echoing in his head. He didn't really know what he said or if it made sense but he said it. He said something to little one and half year old Harley and hoped in whatever Rhodey hoped in that the child would understand.
He said, “Live your best life kiddo. Be loved and you will live your best life”.
It sounded like one of those inspirational sayings he hated so much but this time, he felt the truth of it ache deep within his own cold, iron heart.
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Life moved on and although there were a few instances where he would stumble, Tony did too. It was a bit shaky here and there but Tony held firm to the few new rules of his life which were: 1) not to drink and sleep with random women again, 2) not be a DNA donor and lead to the creation of another human being again, and 3) not to interact and risk messing up the human being he had already created...again. And so far, it was going so well. He was doing so good. He hadn't broken a single rule.
Until the day he met Mary Parker.