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“Juuzou… ”
The one word from his mentor, Shinohara Yukinori, cuts through the haze of disorientation and the young male answers immediately, “I’m here.”
The teen's aware he's tired. So, so very tired. His bones feel weighted and his eyes are still closed, opening them even feels too much.
But, then there’s a pressure that follows on his face and instantly, the teen retracts, eyes managing to finally pry themselves open. The adrenaline doesn’t last long and he feels his own arms shake as they hold him up by his elbows. It doesn’t last long and his body crumbled down to the bed a moment later.
“I’m sorry, I just need a second,” the young teen states, pushing himself up again and trying to move his legs to the side. He feels his body slowly losing energy again and he breathes deeply to try and center himself.
“Hold on, lie back….” The instruction comes and the older male stops Juuzo’s legs from swinging off the bed, he taps softly on the boy’s shoulder and pats the pillow behind him, “Come on… just lie down.”
The immediate compliance makes the older man sigh a bit. He mentality berates himself for not wording it differently, to give Juuzou the option to choose for himself. He keeps forgetting the boy would completely follow commands without question, no questions asked and no boundaries established in order to protect himself. It makes his stomach churn. He takes a breath to fortify himself before reaching over to feel the boy’s forehead.
Flinching deeply, the teen glowers uneasily at the older male’s hand as he rests his palm lightly on the boy’s brow.
“… I just wanted to check your fever,” Shinohara explains lamely, once again, aware of how inconsiderately he had just acted. Usually he gives warning before making physical contact with the teen, just as a precaution and to make sure the boy knows he can trust him. His hand still hovering on Suzuya’s forehead, not moving at all in case it’d frighten the teen more, “It seems to have gotten worse…”
Red eyes scan the room he was in, lazily. He was used to waking up in places he didn’t recognize right away, but it still managed to send sparks of fear through his system, even after all this time. It was definitely the medical wing at CCG. The jar on the cabinet next to his bed was filled with cotton balls. From where he lies he can count twenty-five. He counts them again, just in case.
The older male studies the teen for a moment.
The deep shade of violet resting under the boy's eyes certainly showed how sleep-deprived he was. The fever certainly wasn't helping, the crimson streak covering his cheeks and nose, lying in such contrast to the boy's naturally pale features.
The doctors had advised Shinohara that is all was simply due to overwork. After all, even between missions, the teen would help train other recruits and do his own additional training as well. They had advised the senior Investigator that he'd recover easily in a few days, but rest was certainly needed. But, the problem was, how to approach this with his partner? The teen certainly was never one to ask for time off on his own and usually had to be forced to take even a single day off. But, strangely, it was his work ethic and commitment that made it so easy for Shinohara to look after him more... but , this incident made him realise. He needed to do more, and he needed to use a more effective mode of communicating his praise, confidence and trust in his partner. After all, Suzuya was still trying to earn his trust and even more, his consideration. He needed to change that.
“Juuzou?”
Suzuya looks back at the older man, a frown formed on his eyebrows but a small smile on his lips. Was he angry?
“You didn’t come to the morning meeting,” the older investigator starts, lowering his hand slowly and stepping back a bit as he straightens up, aware that standing closer would put the boy more on edge, "We brought you in from your room when you didn't wake up."
“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again,” the automatic reply comes. His voice sounds strange, even to him. Pitched, as if wrung and roped for some time.
With a sigh, Shinohara slowly pulls a chair up, sitting down next to the young man. He sits himself a bit more than an arm-length away, out of reach, in order to give the boy some space and a berth wide enough that he’d feel at ease. He knows this is the usual distance Suzuya keeps from others. It’s just far enough that, should they attack, he has enough time to either duck or retaliate. The distance makes him sigh a bit, that one part of his heart always feeling that viscous tug of paternal responsibility wrestling with the knowledge that he needs to just be the source of stability for he young man, and not a surrogate father-figure.
The white-haired male studies the older man. The frown is still there, as well as the smile on the senior’s face. From his tone of voice he didn’t sound angry. Sad? Or… was he dissapointed?
“I’m not angry… ” Shinohara says after a moment, smiling when Juuzou’s eyes widen a bit, “I’m concerned.”
The words snap like electricity through the young man, making him bolt upright in bed, only to have static ringing in his ears and dark spots block out the world to him.
“It’s okay, it’s okay….” With a soft push, Shinohara coaxes the boy to lie down again, pulling the comforter up to his chin. He repeats the words as a mantra as he slowly tucks the boy in, like his father used to do for him. He smiles softly, a small laugh escaping him as he sits back down, “You really overworked yourself. You should’ve said something sooner.”
“I’m sorry, it-”
“Why do you keep apologizing for this?”
The teen stares at him in disbelief for a moment. That’s anger, his mind reasons and he smiles awkwardly. He doesn’t want to upset the older man, he’s grown fond of him. So, he does what he always does, and allow them to do what they please and draw their own conclusions from it. Just as long as he’s not angry anymore.
“You don’t need to apologize,” Shinohara clarifies when the boy doesn’t stop smiling as a form of placation. He knows the boy must think he’s angry or disappointed with him. He’s not quite sure how to tackle the insecurities of their relationship yet.
This time there’s no response and the investigator feels like he hit a wall in their communication. This happens when he interrogates suspects all the time, but it’s easier to navigate communication when there’s no real bond you wish to establish. It’s possible to coerce them with lies, sometimes the truth, or even half-truths. To lead them into divulging their secrets is the trademark of a good investigator after all. He doesn’t want to misuse his skill though and using his inherent cold reading knowledge on Juuzou makes him feel like he’s manipulating him.
For a moment they sit in silence, Juuzou staring at the container with cotton balls again and Shinohara sitting back in his chair with a mixed look of frustration and distress.
“Are you angry with me?” at least this time it’s the young teen that voices himself. His blank expression shows already he has accepted whatever answer that would come.
“No.”
“Are you disappointed?”
“Not at all.”
“… Why are you angry?”
This time it clicks with the investigator.
“Juuzou, I’m not angry. I’m just very very concerned, alright?” he says and smiles a bit, finally understanding what’s been bothering the teen, “You’ve completely overworked yourself. You certainly haven’t been sleeping well, you’ve been eating less, I haven’t seen you even draw anything for a week now…”
“I do eat,” the soft reply comes, afraid of the backlash it might cause.
“When we had dinner at my house last night, you barely had two bites,” Shinohara starts and scratches his head absently as he realises how blind he’s been for not noticing sooner, “You usually can eat three bowls of my wife’s roasted potatoes. She loves to make those for you-”
The boy looks over, a surprised and confused expression on his face.
“Yes, she only makes them when you’re going to be there,” Shinohara says and laughs a bit, feeling more at ease now that he knows what the problem is. “She says my cholesterol won’t handle it and insists on only making them when you’re there.”
There’s a drop in Juuzou’s expression. The small comment made the teen wince a bit at the possible meaning, only when he’s there, would that mean that Shinohara would only want him there because–
But before the train of thought could even be finished, Shinohara continues: “I’m glad you were there last night. And every night you do come over. You’re welcome at my home at any time, potatoes or not, okay? My wife and I both love having you there. I love having you as my partner.”
A slow blink. The words seem take time to sink in.
The older male could feel relief sweeping through him as he has the solution is his grasp now. Juuzou’s been involuntarily misreading his actions, just as much as Shinohara’s been unintentionally stepping over his bounds. He knows it’s important now, more than ever, to make sure they understand each other better too.
“… When you were there last night, we were both so worried about you. You always keep your problems to yourself and you don’t want to burden anyone else with them,” the investigator states and slowly moves a bit forward, bringing his chair with him, “but, even if it’s just to talk… I’m here. And whenever you need to, no matter what time it is or what happened, you can tell me. But I need you to be more honest with me and a bit more….”
He pauses and thinks over his options as to how to properly word his last coup de grâce, when he finally settles one, he smiles happily as he says, ”Try to be a bit more demanding with me, okay? You can ask me for anything you want, just keep being honest with me and I’ll help you whenever and in any way I can.”
The word is odd and sticks out like a red flag in Suzuya’s mind. Demanding. To ask someone for something. That’s not something he enjoys.
“… but only if you want me to,” the final comment comes from the older male and he could practically see the teen trying to make sense of the puzzle he’d been given. The option to choose. The freedom of choice. It was certainly something that would be new to him.
It seems to be a foreign concept to the boy, as he keeps tugging on the stitches on his hand, a coping mechanism that Shinohara had noticed in the past few weeks. The teen does this whenever he’s in distress or unsure of what to do next.
The investigator doesn’t press further and merely regards the boy with interest.
It takes a few minutes of pure silence before the boy speaks again.
“D… Can Mrs. Shinohara… please make them again…. If you want to invite me again… maybe… for dinner… maybe…” the words come out broken and awkward and so soft it’s barely audible, but it makes the older man beam in relief.
“Of course,” he instantly answers and opens the drawer of the bedside table, taking out a bento box and holds it out for Juuzou to take, “Also… she sent you this.”
Hesitantly the teen opens the box, holding it at a distance for a moment before a squeal of delight erupts from him. The treats he’d been simply too tired to enjoy the previous evening, were neatly stacked into the bento box, two little panda-bear shaped rice balls on the side for decoration, “Thank you so much, it looks delicious!!”
Shinohara silently reminds himself to thank his wife for coming up with the suggestion of bringing Suzuya's comfort food along, just in case. He grins as he holds out a pair of chopsticks he'd grabbed from the CCG cafeteria before coming up, “All yours. So, what can I get you to drink?” he says, being sure to word it properly in order to get a desired response from the boy, instead of assuming that his partner would tell him if he’d wanted anything. He knows he asked his partner to be more forward and ask him if he needs anything, but he also knows he’ll need to allow for that opportunity.
“… a Coke, please?”
“Coke it is. Rest up, I’ll be back in a little bit, alright?”
“Yes, sir!”