Work Text:
Tonight was a special night. Everyone was gathered under one roof to have dinner and a good time together. Due to their busy schedule, it was rare for them to relax, but they found some time to put all worries to the side.
Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook were playing Super Smash Bros with each other after they had set the table. Yoongi and Hoseok were cooking tonight's dinner while Seokjin occasionally lent them some help.
Namjoon, on the other hand, was cooped up alone in a room, deep in his work.
The older members told him that they had everything under control in the kitchen. He would go have fun with the youngest ones, but they only had three controls and they all seemed to want to play more than he did.
So, the best thing Namjoon felt that he could do now was work.
He had a book open in front of him that he was currently reading to ignite an inspirational spark. Directly in front of him was a notebook with some words scribbled onto them, but he had yet to figure out how to piece them all together to make some lyrics he was happy with.
Namjoon also had airpods in his ears as he listened to some songs at low volume. He found it helpful to have some music in the background playing as he worked.
He twirled his pen in his hand, trying to get the gears in his brain to turn. He just needed an idea. Any idea.
As time passed, Namjoon felt the stress of completing the lyrics take over him. He felt the need to finish them tonight or else he would be way behind schedule. He couldn't afford to take a break or else he'd lose his motivational streak.
He needed to keep going. No interruptio—
Namjoon felt a tap on his shoulder as he was in the middle of writing and he let out a sigh, setting his pen down and taking the airpods out of his ears. He turned and saw Hoseok.
"Dinner's ready," Hoseok said.
"I'll be there in a bit," Namjoon said, returning to his notebook.
"Surely, you can take an hour or two break from writing. Dinner's gonna get cold, and we can't start without you."
"I don't mind, go ahead and eat."
Hoseok sighed and he left the room, closing the door behind him. Namjoon put the airpods back in his ears and resumed working.
He didn't know how long he had been working since Hoseok's appearance, but Namjoon had lost his thought process before eventually finding it again and writing down lyrics.
Suddenly, he felt someone grab at his shoulder and force him to turn around in his chair.
It was Seokjin this time. "Stop working and eat dinner," he said.
"I told Hoseok in a bit," Namjoon said, taking out the airpods once more and setting them down. "I'm almost finished."
"You can finish later. Let's go."
"I really can't. I have to finish it now."
Seokjin huffed. "You don't have to. You have all the time in the world."
Namjoon shook his head. "I'll lose inspiration. I have to finish it now."
"I'tll come back after you get some food in your stomach. Now, let's go eat."
Namjoon was feeling more and more irritated with Seokjin with every passing second. He clenched his fists and felt the blood boil in his system.
"Come on, are you really choosing to work over spending time with us? We hardly have time to ourselves anymore," Seokjin said.
"If it weren't for my work, we wouldn't be where we are!" Namjoon exclaimed, standing up and glaring at Seokjin, who was taken aback by the sudden outburst.
Seokjin narrowed his eyes at Namjoon. "Get your head out of your ass. We worked together as one team."
At that moment, Namjoon just noticed the other members were crowded at the door watching the scene unfold. Seeing their disappointed faces looking right at him...
It only made him angrier.
"In case you've all forgotten," Namjoon began, "I've been a part of BTS longer than any of you have. I've worked my ass off nonstop. I'm the leader of this group, and I'm not going to let any of you tear down everything I've worked on."
"Namjoon, we're not fighting against you," Seokjin said. "We want you to take a break. We all know how hard you've worked. We understand what you're going through—"
"You, especially, don't understand anything!" Namjoon snapped. "All you do is stand there and look good."
Seokjin frowned at the remark, completely offended.
"Okay, you're going way too far now," Yoongi began. "That was completely uncalled for."
"What's gotten into you?" Hoseok asked. "Why are you like this?"
"Why don't you all get off my back?!" Namjoon slammed his hand against the desk, as if to make a statement.
"Namjoon," Jungkook said calmly as Taehyung and Jimin tried to move closer to their leader.
However, Yoongi held his arm out and stopped the younger members from moving.
"You're really ruining the mood right now, you know," Yoongi said.
Namjoon looked over at Yoongi. "Yeah? Then why don't I leave then, huh? Would that make things better?" He didn't even bother to wait for a response as he pushed past everyone.
No one even tried to call after Namjoon. They only let him leave, and that was enough confirmation for Namjoon to know that he was not wanted by them. He made sure to slam the door as he left.
He had no particular destination in mind. Anywhere was better than with his "friends."
Namjoon let his feet take him as far away from where the scene happened as possible. He didn't dare look back, because doing so meant he was looking back into the past.
The past was done with. He needed to move forward.
After a long while of walking without being recognized, Namjoon halted in place so he was standing in the middle of an empty street. There was no one within his vicinity.
He was alone.
Good. He wanted to be alone.
Or, at least that was what he kept telling himself.
Despite being far from the others, his mind kept wandering back to what happened back at the place. No amount of distance could make him forget the look on everyone's faces.
Everyone was angry, disappointed. Seokjin... He was hurt.
Namjoon really hurt him, didn't he?
Namjoon's hands balled into fists, but not so much from anger. He was frustrated—with himself. Those people—his band mates—his best friends. He really let them down.
All for what? Something as small as a break that he could most definitely afford to take?
It wasn't worth it.
Namjoon closed his eyes tightly and he felt a lump develop in his throat. He tried to swallow it down, but it didn't work. He could sense the feeling of tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He tried to fight them back, but failed.
The urge was much stronger than his will.
And they fell down his cheeks.
He said things out of anger that he didn't mean to say, and for what? There was no reason for him to say any of what he said, but what was done was done. He couldn't change what he had already said.
The damage had already been done.
On his face Namjoon felt more than just tears. He felt something else that was wet.
It was raining.
What luck he had right now for it to rain after the realization of his mistakes.
He no longer felt anger from his friends. They were only trying to help him relax. Nothing more.
The anger was washed away by the downpour that had occurred. He was drenched from head to toe. His tears blended in with the rain so well, no one could tell had even been crying.
Namjoon was left in his own sadness, regret, hopelessness, and loneliness.
He really fucked up.