Chapter Text
It always does. No matter what happens, the goddamn sun always decides to cascade the planet in a light so bright that it’s near impossible to get any kind of sleep during it, unless you’ve modified your hive to ensure that light won’t filter in from the outside world.
Nevertheless, you aren’t in your hive. In fact, you’re far from it, actually. As of currently, you’re staring up at the sky next to your sleeping partner. Murrit passed out hours ago, but you haven’t been able to coax yourself into falling asleep. You’re too paranoid, being out here in the open like this. You don’t like it.
Your guardian is somewhere on the prowl, probably looking for you. Not that it’s worried, no, but moreso because it finds you useful in regards to feeding it the ores that it can’t get to on its own. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it’s a lusus, but rather your captor.
You still haven’t figured out how to fucking kill that thing yet, which is why you specifically requested that Murrit meet you here in person than to just show up at your door (hatch?). Usually you’d probably be more than happy to watch as your lusus snapped at him on the way towards the ladder, but this time...
Something in you changed at some point, and you don’t really know why. Murrit seemed to grow softer around you, seemed to be hesitant to hurt you. And his hesitance was absolutely fucking infuriating to you.
By no means were you yourself considered “soft.” You had an edge sharper than a diamond. Even he was aware of that. He’s seen it with his own eyes, how your bastard of a lusus has almost killed you all those times before. Hell, you even worked together. That was sweeps ago by now, but you still did all of his dirty work for him. You were his hired hitman, after all.
The way he now regarded you with this newfound softness, this strange kind of… intimacy that you’d only ever heard about from some of your other companions, it scared you. A lot. You two were bonded already in your black quadrant, and you were uncertain as to how quickly everything would fall apart if something were to try and change that. You’ve seen the way he’s been looking at you, with a look showing you that maybe he cares about you, that maybe something in him changed.
Maybe you both changed, after all. Maybe it wasn’t just you.
You look at him, watching as he breathes, slowly and evenly, his chest rising and falling. His shutter shades had been long since discarded. You don’t even remember where they’d gone, but all you knew was that you could see his face. He didn’t hold that smirk, and he actually looked… at peace. You don’t remember when the last time you’d seen him sleep so peacefully was either. Things have been tough for the both of you as of recently. There was the whole game thing that Murrit kept blabbering on about, and you’d been so focused on ridding the planet of your guardian’s species that the two of you had been nothing but stressed.
You roll onto your side and shift a little closer to him, just watching. Moments like these are what terrify you. Your gut churns, and you feel something stir up inside of you, but you know you can never admit the way you’re truly feeling. That’s not how this was supposed to go. That’s not what was supposed to be happening. You frown to yourself, and if he opened his eyes, he’d never be able to truly tell. Despite your predicament, you quite enjoyed the idea that he’d never truly understand how you were feeling. Maybe that’s what the two of you did best: conceal. He had his shades, you had your bandana. His eyes were covered, your mouth was covered.
You nuzzle into his chest, and his breathing falters a moment. You grow rigid, eyes going wide as you watch as his eyes blink open, but then they close, and remain closed. He wouldn’t remember this. He hadn’t been fully conscious, hadn’t fully processed just what you were doing. An arm drapes over you, and you close your eyes too.
You’d rather die with him here, like this, than while you were alone, strifing it out with your lusus. But by morning you’d have to leave him. Softness just wasn’t for you, wasn’t for either of you. Yet you crave it from him, constantly. Your breathing slows, but your heartbeat only quickens its pace.
You’re not really certain if it’s still because of how you know your lusus is looking for you or if it’s because of Murrit. But you don’t think you really want to know the answer to that.
Not yet, anyhow, and maybe not for a very long time.
In a perfect world, in a perfect life, maybe you could convince yourself that things would be okay between you and Murrit, but your emotions are getting all tangled up together and becoming a jumbled mess of hurt and confusion.
You wrap your own arm around Murrit as you drift off to sleep. And all you can dream about is that perfect world where the both of you could live perfect, carefree lives together.
A perfect world. You think you'd quite like that.