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The sailor senshi are all lying on the grass in a park where Sailor Mars noted she had met many men. Sailor Moon tells the group that whispers inside a mirror had told her Sailor Mars had been practising her flirting with her own reflection, in order to impress a boy who is questionably older than her and may or may not be having sex with her.
Sailor Mars leapt over into an additional transition shot. “Hora!” she yelled, “what do you think you’re doing revealing the innermost secrets of a hot cute girl that has a boyfriend?”
“When will this end”, Luna groaned wearily. She turned to Mercury, perched on her shoulder. “Will Sailor Moon ever grow up?”
“I think she is as tall as she can get.” Scoffed Sailor Jupiter.
“Unfortunately I do not have time to see this with my eyes.” Stated Sailor Mercury, meekly. “I have to go and study for a better first attack.”
Sailor Mars screeched. “The bubbles should get in their EYES. Not think about time for a bath!”
Sailor Moon interjected. “Chotto! What do you mean you can retreat from this fight as if you have options?”, she cried.
They miss the classic shot of Queen Beryl's flavour of the week shots "Energy Level, peak!" A youma whooshes above the bushes and towers among the sakura trees.
It had huge shoulder pads, an offensive skirt cut, and the fuckability of the racy aunt in a sitcom, it being the 90s.
“SHINE!” the demon screamed, as it’s head twisted around and shot a tongue made of daggers with sakura petals whirling at the girls.
They all gasp simultaneously, except Sailor Mercury, who had gone to study how to better participate in a fight.
“SUPREEEEEEME-“ Jupiter began forcefully. “FIYAAAAAAH-“bellowed Sailor Mars over the top.
Luna yelled at Sailor Moon, who could not be heard over the sound of Rei asserting herself, and was potentially just yelling another ball breaking instruction.
Sailor Moon grabbed her disguise pen. “Make me into a beautiful relationship mediator!” she cried.
The pen lit up as a huge swirl as it took several seconds of anime to pan up towards her new disguise with bigger tits. “Jupiter, put your attack around Mars’ attack. Like in a previous episode!” she dictated.
Luna fell onto her pussy. “Maybe we’ll survive this mess after all!” adding on quietly, “Artemis is a daddy.”
The monster started dashing towards them, in several screenshots that everyone knows have been recycled. The speed was intense, yet the breasts stay perfectly still and for some reason the wind does not dry out it's eyeballs. The thunder filled fire blast rips through the air and hits the demon in the stomach with a yelp. The attack only belies it for a minute, then it lets out a laugh that is clearly a throaty Japanese woman. It snarls and shonens ominously in the corner. It is not interacted with.
“If all of my previous boyfriends could have seen me fight, I wouldn't have needed to learn how to fight.” grumbled Sailor Mars.
“Matte! Boys before?! Share your boyfriends evenly, Sailor Mars chaaaan” bawled Usagi.
“Sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear-“ said Sailor Mercury, suddenly being convenient. “Rei has engaged with previous lovers without our knowledge?”
“Haihaihaiii, and she’s trying to make it look as easy as three mochi on a stick!” accused Sailor Moon, even though she was still drawn to be crying.
“It’s none of your business that a beautiful women should have many men like me” harrumphed Rei.
Luna yodelled wearily. Artemis said something weirdly hot even though he is a cat.
Suddenly, they all snapped to attention. Sailor Mercury had dropped the ball. “We have completely forgotten our duties to the kingdom, the monster is still waiting for an attack!”
Sailor Jupiter jumps in with a quick booty shot because she knows what’s up. “Supreeeemmeeee thundeeeer!” she sends out a hectic whirlwind of electricity and it hits the monster in the foot. It is temporarily subdued, before recovering and leaping into the air.
Suddenly, a red rose whistles through the air, slashes the demon’s cheek, and stabs into the ground.
They all looked up and gasped as if this hasn’t happened every episode. “Tuxedo kame!” they all orgasmically swoon simultaneously.
“Where there is a budding girl power television show, there is a man to mansplain.” He states.
“Tuxedo kame…” Rei’s eyes glisten to show their shared past.
“Demons can do nothing if you take away their powers with a bubble spray. Sarabata!” he swishes his stupid cape and leaves.
“BUBBBLLLEEEEE SPRAYYYYY” Sailor Mercury meekly yells.
Sailor Jupiter rolls her eyes. “I thought we were done with this curse, I can’t be bothered to wait another several seconds while we pretend this is a contribution.”
The monster is dazed and confused, and finds itself briefly attracted to rocks. “What-what’s happening to me?”
“Quick Sailor Moon! Use your mediation skills!” bellows Luna over the confusing and superfluous attack.
Sailor Moon inhales and intensely rummages into her pocket and produces a clipboard and glasses.
It zooms in close to her brow as she puts on glasses that make her look poised, but are still feminine enough that underage men still want to have sex with her.
“Demon! I order you to tell me your deepest fears!” she cries.
The demon starts elaborating how her husband left her, and that she is juggling three part time jobs with two boys she plans to give up for adoption. Her greatest fear is never eating another shortcake again.
Sailor Moon nods and draws a doodle of Luna and Artemis making love on the page.
Rei comes over, looks at the page, smacks Usagi in the head and throws the clipboard with intense ferocity at the demon’s head.
“I banish you along with your problems for women of middle age!” she cries.
The demon yells and turns to sand.
“How can she REFREEEEESH if you throw women’s heartbreak at them Sailor Mars?” Usagi bellowed.
“There was no saving that. She is as far gone as her pathetic husband.” Rei scoffed, as she clacked away in her pumps.
“But Rei chaaaaaan” Sailor Moon bawled.
“Whatever, I have to go and do squats and listen to romance advice radio” says Sailor Jupiter.
“I have to go and study…” trails off Sailor Mercury, still catching her breath from her lucky break with Tuxedo Mask keeping her relevant.
Luna jumped onto Mercury’s shoulder. “I’m coming with you…and Artemis…the rice is being pounded into mochi.” She says over her shoulder with a wink.
“AHAHAHAH SOUUUU” Artemis sweat drops audibly.