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Rebecca's eyes lingered on Riza. Riza moved forward to touch the top of her friend's hand as she coaxed her to eat her food, only for her friend to yank it away. The traces of sympathy from when they were in the bathroom moments ago were beheld in her gaze, but something else won out as her fist slammed on the table and the metal utensils clattered. The friendly conversation extinguished between Roy and the nearly retired Commissioner Hakuro.
This night was not going to go as smoothly as planned after all. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
"I can't believe we're going to pretend nothing happened," Rebecca said.
Without missing a beat, she replied, "Because nothing happened."
It was direct and straightforward, leaving no room for argument. Riza wished desperately Rebecca would understand. Whether they have been fighting for the past month or not, Rebecca should understand. There would be no changing Riza’s priorities, which was getting through this dinner with Hakuro, someone with a terrible personality, but a person Councilman Alex Armstrong strongly recommended Roy get on his side if he intended to win the mayoral seat for East City. She had no time to mourn.
Yet there wasn't anyone more stubborn in the world than Roy Mustang...except for Rebecca Catalina. By Rebecca's growing restlessness, they wouldn't be going anywhere for a while.
Under his breath, Riza heard Hakuro mutter. "What's the hussy talking about now?"
"Hussy? I’m engaged–is it my dress?" Rebecca glanced at her outfit–a little daring on the cleavage where a somewhat deep V cut around her breasts but altogether still suitable for the evening occasion. Riza actually thought it was perfect for her. It was a shame she didn’t get to tell her earlier in the night when they saw each other at the coat check. Instead, she had complimented her friend’s recent post across their social media channels, because of course, Riza made everything about work nowadays.
It was so hard to do anything else. Otherwise, she would have been tempted to tell Rebecca about the dilemma of her pregnancy, which is already outdated news, and then admit that maybe, just maybe, Riza was a hypocrite for criticizing Rebecca’s fast-moving relationship with Havoc.
And so, Riza didn’t mince words when she sharply turned to the commissioner. "She's my best friend and our PR consultant. Mind your words, Commissioner. I thought the Academy taught their leaders better than that." The police chief instantly busied himself with his steak as if to eat his words, but not without a scoff and some mutterance against Riza. She paid him no mind. Looking at Rebecca, who looked torn between snapping at Hakuro or continuing to beg to Riza, Riza gestured to the empty seat beside her. "Now please sit down."
Roy–crap, Roy. She forgot the very person she needed to avoid was right beside her. He directed his gaze at Rebecca as he asked her if something had happened. His voice was saccharine but rumbly in the right places and his hand landed on her thigh, where stockings and dark purple dress met. Very illicit, very discreet. Of course, this was normal for them, as per their protocol.
He was too good to her. She didn’t deserve his concern now. Not after this.
"I need Riza," Rebecca answered him but remained focused on her friend.
"You don't."
“I think I do.”
Commissioner Hakuro rolled his eyes, as he grumbled, “What could possibly be so important for this woman?” Roy must have seen the flash in Rebecca’s gaze, as he leaned forward as if to appease Rebecca, gently saying her surname. It was his way of getting in between everyone without much action at all.
"Your food is getting cold,” Riza said carefully. “Are you going to stand there, or have a nice dinner with us?"
“I for one,” Hakuro said, “would love for everyone to get back to dinner.”
“Now, Commissioner, we should hear about what Catalina has to say.”
“I think Rebecca’s had enough to say. She’s starving and would love to continue as normal. Now sit.”
"For fuck’s sake, there was blood. How else are we going to deal with the miscarriage?" Rebecca's eyes bulged out of her sockets and her palm moved on instinct, stopping halfway on its journey to cover her mouth. Riza felt her chest constrict. Perhaps it was going to come out after all. Her last month of suffering would be opened and examined for everyone to gawk at. If only she had remembered to lock the stall before Rebecca came in the bathroom to check on her, then there would have been no scene. She would not have seen the excessive blood all over the toilet and questioned her until Riza admitted what had happened. No, tonight would have been business as usual, just the three of them desperately trying to gain the favor and endorsement of a greying, rude, soon-to-be-retired police chief.
But then Rebecca quickly straightened and removed her gaze from the table as she tacked on a meek addendum, "My miscarriage."
Silence rolled onto their table abruptly. Even the brief and immediately dismissed presence of a chipper waitress couldn't extinguish the spark Rebecca lit, an open topic for everyone to now partake. Except the subject would be about Rebecca, and somehow, it felt all...wrong.
Rebecca and Riza's eyes met. Riza's mind emptied, the end of a stretch of road that was supposed to lead somewhere now an expanse of un-walked territory.
Rebecca clearly didn’t care about propriety...she cared about getting Riza out of here, her big brown eyes pleading with her...
A lump formed in her throat. She can't.
Roy was the first to break the silence. "I'm sorry, Catalina, did you say you had a miscarriage? Do you need me to call Havoc?" Cell phone already out of his pocket, Rebecca took out her own, waving one of her hands to tell him to stop.
"No! I mean, I can do it."
While the sight of Rebecca “texting” Havoc something acquiesced Roy, Riza raised her hand for the smiley waitress for a new bottle of wine. Unfortunately, Roy did not let this go unnoticed when she felt his fingers land on top of hers wrapped around her wine glass. He was concerned, but there was no need. She waved his concerns away, received the newly delivered bottle, and poured the deep red contents of New Optain wine into her glass. In a moment, she had knocked it into her throat and poured a new one.
It didn't matter anymore anyway.
"Poor Dear. Your fiance must be upset, of course, if it was even his," Hakuro said with a practiced frown and gestured to Rebecca’s engagement ring for good measure. It was the kind he used whenever he delivered bad news to the press, a feeble attempt at sympathy and a bad one at that. Thank whatever deities were out there that he was retiring soon. Roy wouldn't have to be working with him for long.
Then again, why did they need his endorsement again? For the law enforcement voters? Was it worth it if it came from this jerk?
"Oh no, you know, it's expected from my family, my very loyal to my father mother suffered from several," Rebecca quickly answered. Her arms bent at the elbows and shrugged her shoulders up, miming for Riza to put on her coat already. "Why don't you take me to the hospital? Make sure everything's alright with me?"
"Rebecca, it's fine. It’s gone."
Riza was sure she heard Roy call her name, but she made sure not to look at him.
“What if it’s not?”
“It’s. Gone.”
Judging by the deep frown set across her friend's face, her patience had worn too thin.
"Then maybe I'll drink myself into oblivion and keep Havoc in the dark. I dunno," Rebecca punctuated her impatience with a huff and twirl of her hand, "maybe my problems will be magically solved then?"
Riza grit her teeth. Rebecca, who was debating if she should just leave without her outloud, certainly knew how to make things harder than they needed to be.
"Hawkeye," Roy began gently again as if he were coddling an injured dove, a tone that lit a frustrated spark for Riza, " if you'd like to accompany Catalina then by all means–"
"I don’t want your opinion, Roy."
Hurt reflected back at her when she met his gaze. She needed to stop doing that, stop hurting the people who cared about her the most when they meant perfectly well. She opened her mouth to apologize until Hakuro beat her with a different one of his own.
"I'm sorry, but I have to say, isn't this for the best, Ms. Catalina? I've heard that you and Hawkeye work tirelessly. Maybe the kid knew, y'know, and decided it didn't want a mom who didn’t have time for it. I mean, you're fit, but not for this."
"Excuse me?"
"Catalina is a close friend. Please, if we are going to continue this evening, we need to be civil," Roy turned to Hakuro and wore a sterner expression. But he easily changed his demeanor when Riza poured another glass, the wine bottle half-emptied, Roy extracting the wine bottle from her grip mid-pour.
Lowly, he asked, "Why are you drinking so much all of a sudden?"
"I'm not doing anything."
She was usually a skilled liar. But her bleeding everywhere didn't help her mood, and it certainly didn't help the mask she was so good at keeping in place.
"I'm serious," Roy pressed, and to be fair, he definitely sounded grave. "What's wrong? You've been worrying me this whole night."
"Focus on Hakuro," she replied as she reached for her wine glass. Better drink to dull the ache growing in her chest. Or is this what failure felt like? She was always no good at finding healthy relationships, and the one relationship that made the Healthy Relationship the one she was looking for this entire time could ruin him if they went public. Not only was it her body's failure, maybe it was a failure of judgment and therefore some cruel punishment to deter her from ever believing something good could ever happen to her.
It wasn't until Hakuro spoke up that Riza realized he had been observing her. "Better slow it down, Ms. Hawkeye. You don’t want to be a workaholic and an alcoholic. I mean, it's just disrespectful for you to be so carefree right now. Now, I wonder what it would’ve been like if you were the one pregnant right now."
Riza’s head started to pound, waves mercilessly pressing against her temples as if they were the cliffside in a storm. Was this really happening? She averted her gaze and let out a breath as she observed a couple, their daughter looking no more than ten years old, and the daughter's grandparents from the other side of the room. They looked so happy.
"Commissioner, I am warning you. Absolutely do not talk like that to her," Roy warned their guest, his voice and fist tight.
But Hakuro was undeterred.
"Someone’s got to! But bleeding heart Hawkeye here isn’t the type to be a mother anyway, I'm sure that's why it's so hard for you to understand your friend. It must be hopeless for you."
There was a sick, satisfied twist to his lip. He must be thrilled, Riza thought as her throat seemed to burn and her stomach churned, to see her in her place.
Riza looked at the plate in front of her. Your whole relationship was hopeless. You're hopeless. Obviously the baby would be too. Then she cast Hakuro a carefully placed smile of her own, and she felt no better than him at that moment.
In front of everyone, she was a fraud like him. She had her quick respite in the stall earlier, moments before Rebecca had seen her. Right now she had a pathetic police commissioner to keep on their side, and so she would play her part.
And then Rebecca’s jaw clenched as she pivoted back around to their table with a dangerous calm.
"Okay, you know what? Getting fired is worth it if I get to do this."
In a swift movement, Rebecca plucked Riza's glass at its stem and leaped against the table toward the commissioner. Red wine splashed in his greying hair and eyes, a deep burgundy stain dripping onto his collared shirt and light-colored dinner jacket. His chair hit the floor with a thud. Beside her, Mustang quickly offered up his napkin from the table to the cursing man, polite rhetoric flowing from his mouth that danced around taking responsibility for Rebecca's actions. To say Riza was proud of Mustang for staying true to his team without jeopardizing his image or relationships with others was an understatement. Of all people, she knew that the best.
In the chaos, Rebecca snatched Riza's empty hand pulling her to her feet. Riza stumbled as Roy called for a waiter to the table to take care of the spill, dazed from the inundating events happening at once. There was a split second where his dark eyes caught hers, and then the moment was gone as Rebecca and her elbowed past a couple’s table.
Rebecca pulled Riza along by the wrist, who at some point turned her shoulder and cupped her mouth to shout, "Hakuro, you're one hell of a dick!"
By the end of their sudden departure, the two of them found themselves outside on the sidewalk, Rebecca hailing a yellow cabbie with Riza's dark grey coat on her shoulders from the coat check. Riza couldn’t remember when they retrieved it, her mind a blur and reeling. A terrible pressure sat in her head and in the pit of her stomach, and she had no way of relieving it.
The cabbie pulled up to the curb. The driver, a round man with dark facial hair and a cigar lit at the end huffed a hello. Hurriedly, as if the men they left at the table would dare chase after them, Rebecca leaned into the passenger seat as she named Central's main hospital, then pushed the door wider for Riza to climb in.
The abrupt action jolted Riza from her reverie, finally gathering her bearings as she processed the cab before them. Right. Rebecca wanted to take her to the hospital.
"You can just take me home. This isn't an emergency."
Rebecca held up a palm. Something told Riza that it was her turn to listen or else. "I don't want to hear it anymore, Ri. It's been a long night and I don't have any more wine to dump all over jerks."
After a long pause, Riza acquiesced as she climbed into the cab, too tired to argue anymore. She held her skirt to her body as she scooted over to make room for her friend. Once Rebecca reached to shut the door, Riza spoke. "I...I like your dress. And thank you. That was nice of you."
A small smile passed between them as Rebecca lightly laughed.
"If you wanted me to take you shopping and pour drinks on shitheads in your inamorato’s stead, just say the word, Ri. Of course, you can pay me back with a sick wedding registry gift in a few months."
The car began to lurch forward, the lit sign of Grand’s Steakhouse pushed out of the window’s frame. Riza frowned as she remembered something. “Rebecca, I’m sorry about what I said about Havoc. You know I’m happy for you. I let my problems get in the way of our friendship, and I was worried that maybe, um, you would forget about me after you married Havoc. So I messed up. It's like you said...I’m just a hypocrite.”
Riza had been tired of the dreadful silences and consequent surprises this evening. Rebecca, however, had a knack for being an exception. When she answered her, there was nothing but kindness.
“Gods, Ri. I don’t care about that anymore.”
A tear slipped down her best friend’s face. Taken aback, Riza sputtered more apologies, only for Rebecca to pull Riza into a fierce hug.
“I can’t believe you’ve been doing it all by yourself when you aren’t alone. You just aren't, and you just shouldn't,” Rebecca’s voice cracked.
A yellow traffic light shone through the windows and passed as fast as it arrived, the cab driver blowing past the light. The car bumped, and still, Rebecca remained, arms wrapped around Riza.
She embraced Riza as if they hadn’t spent the last month fighting, as if Riza hadn’t kept a secret from her for two months, as if Rebecca didn’t have to face Hakuro’s attitude in order to force Riza into taking care of herself. Riza felt her shoulders relax.
Everything else in her life always felt like a fleeting mystery. This moment, in a cab smelling of cigar ash and smoke at eight in the evening, would be one she would always remember. If nothing else made sense, if nothing else felt real, at least she had this.