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Nico goes home after the last day of the 2019 season. Well, goes to his house is probably a more accurate statement. To him, home is still in Germany and to be honest he has no idea why he didn’t have the foresight to start packing this place up and moving when he realised he wouldn’t have an F1 seat next season.
Instead however, the first day he arrives back after his house after all the racing is over, things don’t go according to plan. On his first day back at his apartment, he coughs. It’s a violent hacking sound, the kind of cough he can’t even recall having during the worst of colds. As all things do, the coughing fit eventually subsides and when Nico draws his hands away from his mouth- there lies a single flower petal. It’s at this point Nico realises that there’s no chance he can go home now. He wouldn’t want his family to worry and well, how on earth do you explain something like this?
Like with most medical problems, Nico figures that the first place to go to for help would be google. He types up every word combination of coughing + flowers and clicks on literally every page that he sees. Still, after several hours he has come up with absolutely nothing. It’s not even on some weird mythical page, nevermind a proper website like WebMD. With nothing more to be done about it for the night, Nico decides he should get some sleep and try and figure out a way to deal with it in the morning. That unfortunately however, doesn’t exactly work out as planned. His sleep is restless. He struggles to sleep due to the worries and thoughts spinning around his mind. Thoughts of this weird illness, of his career, of Kevin even. When he does manage to slip into sleep, his rest is broken up periodically with fits of coughing up petals. Zeus sleeps next to him on the bed and tonight, Nico doesn’t even give a token protest to his presence. Instead he just cuddles up to his dog and tries his best to get some rest.
Nico wakes up feeling as though he barely slept a wink, although he supposes that isn’t totally true. Even a cold shower when he finally drags himself out of bed doesn’t fully shake his bleariness. He chances a quick glance in the bathroom mirror. When he clocks his ashen face and the dark bags under his eyes however, he wishes he hadn’t bothered. A pair of comfy joggers and a soft hoodie thrown on, hair still mostly wet and completely un-styled, Nico heads through to the kitchen area of his apartment. For a moment he debates the healthiness of having a coffee. After a short consideration he quickly dumps several heaped teaspoons into his mug, after all, it’s unlikely that coffee is going to make things any worse. After having enough of the caffeine that he feels slightly more awake, Nico grabs his phone, completely ignoring the various social media notifications. Instead he spends his day going through more internet forums than one could possibly think existed, messaging all sorts of people that seem to have some sort of knowledge of the occult and unusual. The only break he takes is to give Zeus a quick walk around his street and still he finds absolutely nothing. Zeus looks up at him from his place beside Nico on the sofa and the look on his face makes him almost seem worried. Nico considers taking him on another walk to cheer him up but now, instead of merely having the strange cough, he also has a really tight chest and isn’t sure he could face it. He turns his phone off with a sigh, deciding that he should probably take a break. Before long he begins to nod off and ends up in a fitful state of sleep, still sitting upright on the sofa in the living room.
When Nico wakes, it is not a slow rise back into consciousness, mind and body feeling perfectly rested. Instead he wakes up with a jolt and he is pretty sure he has only woken up just to witness his own death. Rather than simply coughing up a few flower petals, this time it feels as though there must be an entire flower jammed inside his throat. Wheezing heavily, he tries his best to clear his throat but nothing happens. Desperate, he stumbles through to the kitchen area, grabbing a cup and filling it with water. He pays no mind to the clattering noises as various things fall onto the counter and the floor. Nico tries to take a sip but the water won’t go down, rather than shifting the petals, instead it simply seems to make them feel heavier.
Frantic he spits the water out, most of it seeming to land in the sink and finally he coughs and coughs and coughs. When he finishes there is a clump of petals, more than there has been any of the times before. Normally, they are a cream-white colour and on close inspection they still are, however the natural colouring is faint. The flowers are covered in blood.
By this point Nico is freaking out, the quantity that he’s coughed up seems absolutely obscene and yet his throat still feels jammed. Right now, he’s pretty sure he’s about to pass out. Panicking, he fumbles around for a while, eventually able to grab his mobile. Eyes blurring he starts pressing on the touch screen, trying desperately to call someone for help. When the phone starts ringing onto a call, he’s honestly not sure who’s contact he manages to dial. The voice that answers sounds pretty confused but at least Nico is fairly certain he can make out the accent.
“Nico?” The voice questions and the German realises he has absolutely no idea what he’s supposed to say that doesn’t sound absolutely nuts.
“Valtteri? I’ve just coughed up a bunch of flowers and I need someone who likes dogs to look after Zeus when I die,” he goes with and yeah, that sounds mental.
“I know what this is,” Valtteri says and okay, what. “I’m pretty sure I know where your place is, just hang on and don’t do anything, I’ll be there soon.”
Suddenly overwhelmed, feeling a mixture of shock, exhaustion and relief, Nico manages to drag himself to unlock the door, before lying down on the sofa.
Nico doesn’t know how long it’s been but what seems like pretty quickly, there’s a knock at his door.
“Come in,” he rasps, hoping it is in fact Valtteri at the door and not like a serial killer or something. When the figure finally stands in front of him, luckily enough it is the Finn.
He smiles in greeting, throat feeling too raw to want to speak anymore. Valtteri says hello to him before walking away, Nico can hear some noises and thinks it’s the Finn making sure that Zeus is settled. He can’t help but feel grateful that in at least one sense he happened to call the right person about this.
“So who is it that you have feelings for?” is the first thing Valtteri asks when he comes back over however and Nico stares at him blankly, wondering whether the other man has also lost his mind.
When he receives no response, Valtteri sighs and starts over again.
When Valtteri begins to tell the tale of himself having had the same affliction at the start of the year, Nico is shocked. Valtteri tells him all about how he knew what the disease was and yet still decided to do nothing, it wasn’t until his teammate forced Valtteri into a room with Sebastian and Kimi that they resolved everything and he was finally cured.
“One-sided love,” Valtteri tells him and Nico realises that he’s absolutely fucked.
At least Valtteri was friends with Kimi and Sebastian, at least he had some kind of chance. Valtteri mentions it happened previously to someone else he knows and Nico doesn’t know for certain but he can almost guarantee that they had the same kind of situation. Really Valtteri is almost the complete opposite of him.
“Kevin,” he decides to say out loud, voice practically a whisper.
Nico notices the Finn trying and failing to hide a slight wince at the realisation and Nico decides to close his eyes against the reaction, tiredness not exactly needing to be feigned.
“There are ways the petals can be removed. Surgery I think,” Valtteri begins to say hesitantly and hope swells in Nico’s chest.
“But your romantic feelings will leave with the petals Nico and I don’t think anybody really wants to feel like that.”
Nico tries to picture it, something hollow and empty, sitting in the burning and bright section of his heart that is tied completely to Kevin. Part of him thinks that it would be a good thing but his body shivers unintentionally at the thought of it.
“Maybe you should at least try and talk to him,” Valtteri continues and Nico can’t help but cringe at the thought.
They speak about it for a while longer however and as much as Nico hates the idea, he knows that it really makes the most sense. He’ll try and talk to Kevin, if he could return feelings for him then great, if not, he’ll have to get the flowers removed surgically anyway and his feelings of intense shame around the situation will likely be short lived. By this point however it’s some time in the evening and Nico at least manages to convince Valtteri that they should wait until tomorrow, even if he isn’t able to manage any more than that.
Once everything is decided, Valtteri leaves Nico to rest for a bit while he grabs his phone, first to call them a take away and then to call Sebastian and Kimi and explain to them what is happening. The pair are eager to join him and check up on Nico, remembering only too well when Valtteri was going through the same thing. Valtteri argues against it however, pointing out that Nico needs rest before the next day. Eventually he relents to his partners being allowed to find a way to bring Kevin to Nico’s apartment the next day. By the time Valtteri hangs up, the pizza has already arrived. He hurries to grab his wallet and answer the door before Nico has time to move up from the sofa and do it himself.
Before long the pair settle down together with their slices of pizza, diets forgotten for the moment. They also try their best to forget why exactly this is the first time the two have hung out together alone. For the most part they do pretty well but it’s hard to hold on to that feeling for long when Nico has a bucket lying beside him that he periodically has to spit out bloody petals into.
They stay up late and Valtteri doesn’t question Nico’s need for distraction. Instead he just sits there, allowing them both the pretence of watching a T.V. show that neither will remember a thing about in the morning. When they finally both head to bed, neither of them really gets any sleep. Despite their tiredness, both are too anxious about the next day to sleep.
If that wasn’t enough, the now constant stream of coughing also keeps them both wide awake.
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It took what felt like a lifetime for it to be a somewhat acceptable time in the morning to justify getting up- 06:01 if Nico is being precise, yet still, the next day has still come far too soon for his liking. The thought of facing Kevin and being honest about his feelings, about the reaction that could get, well it doesn’t bear thinking about and yet still, that’s exactly what he spent all night doing.
Bleary eyed, Nico decides to set about making breakfast and coffee. He figures he owes Valtteri big time for helping with all of this but at least that’s a start. Just as he’s finished with both the espressos and the porridge he managed to find in the cupboard, he considers that this might be a bit early in the morning for Valtteri when they have only just gone on break. As soon as that concern enters his mind however, Valtteri appears from the guest bedroom.
Nico hopes he doesn’t look as tired as his guest does. He knows he probably looks even worse.
“Coffee?” mumbles Valtteri almost incomprehensibly as he sits down at the counter.
Wordlessly Nico passes him one of the drinks, before placing down the porridge and a spoon.
Valtteri grunts out what is presumably a thanks and Nico sits down across from him and begins to eat. The pair sit together quietly with their breakfast and Nico can’t help but feel grateful for the silence, unwilling to talk about the day ahead. As soon as he has finished eating, Nico excuses himself to go shower and get ready. After all, things are unlikely enough to go well with Kevin as it is, so they certainly aren’t going to go well if he looks like death warmed over.
The shower manages to wake him up even more. The time alone doesn’t exactly do wonders for the thoughts running through his mind but the violent coughing continues on and instead he spends more time picking up petals and washing away blood than dealing with the things going on in his head.
He spends much more time today getting ready than he has over the past few days. After his shower, Nico takes his time using the hairdryer on his hair before taking the excessive amount of time styling that can only be afforded to such a casual, messily tousled hairdo. Once that’s done, he also needs to pick out some clothes- loungewear that is too designer and smart looking for the person wearing it to ever come across as genuinely casual. Having spent as much time as he possibly can, distracting himself with his own appearance, Nico heads through to the living room and is forced to spend the remaining time waiting.
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Kevin has absolutely no idea why Kimi and Sebastian would need to phone him up and demand he heads to Monaco on the very next flight. Having literally only just got back home after a long season, he would be lying if he said he wasn’t tempted to tell them to fuck off. Unfortunately however Kimi’s voice had an actual tone while calling, a worried tone of voice at that and seeing as they both refused to say what the problem was on the phone, Kevin ended up being too concerned not to show up. It’s a bit of hassle to get to Monaco from Denmark but Kevin manages to sort out travel soon after they phoned at night and is then able to arrive late the next morning.
Just as he lands and considers needing to hire a car out, he gets another phone call that’s eerily on time. It’s Sebastian on the phone this morning and the German directs him to where their car is parked just outside the airport. Kevin throws his holdall in the boot before sliding into the back seat of the car. He considers once again, asking what he’s even doing here, but again Kevin decides against it. Kimi is driving and Sebastian is in the passenger seat. The German is talking more at him than to him. He asks inane questions about the journey and taps his fingers randomly on the dash. He changes the radio station every few minutes with complaints about whatever was previously on. Kimi grabs his hand occasionally, stilling the fidgety movements without actually asking him to stop. Kevin spends the remainder of the journey looking out the window but paying precisely no attention to where they are going to end up.
Kevin isn’t sure exactly how much time has passed but eventually they end up parking outside a nice apartment building. Thinking about who could live there, Kevin doesn’t particularly recognise it but then again, he doesn’t exactly know where many drivers stay. After Kimi parks up the pair turn around and look at him, seemingly checking whether or not he knows where they are. After a moment, Seb and Kimi glance at each other in silent communication. They seem satisfied and hop out of the car, Kevin doing the same a split second behind. The Dane is unsure whether or not he should grab his luggage but Kimi answers the question for him, taking his holdall out of the boot. Kevin tries to take the bag from him but a quick glare from Kimi makes him decide to just let the Finn carry it for him.
As they head along the corridor and into a lift, their destination surely rapidly approaching, Kevin begins to get unexpectedly nervous, truly having no idea what is in store for them. The trio stop at a door that must be whoever's apartment they are heading to. They knock and they wait. Some loud coughing can be heard through the door and Kevin becomes even more anxious. The three share a concerned look as they wait although Kevin is certain the other two have a much better idea of what’s going on than he does. A moment later the door is opened from the inside.
Valtteri greets them all with a quick smile and it’s safe to say that Kevin is surprised. Kevin allows Seb and Kimi to step slightly ahead of him as they both great Valtteri warmly with a hug- and oh that makes sense, he thinks to himself.
Moments afterwards he realises something else, of course it’s not Valtteri who’s ill, there would be no reason for Seb and Kimi to bring him here. Still however, that leaves the question of who else is inside. Just as this thought forms in his head and is about to spill out as a question, for a second time, loud coughing can be heard from inside, even louder now that the front door is open.
Valtteri pulls apart from his partners with a grimace and finally ushers them all inside. As they step into the apartment, Kevin looks around him, trying to get a sense of whoever owns this place. It’s reasonably tidy despite the sort of haphazard placement of belongings. The space seems as though it is normally pretty clean but has been set to the wayside over the past few days- and if the owner is as ill as the sound of that coughing suggests, Kevin can’t exactly blame them.
It only takes seconds before they find themselves in the living room. Kevin spots an unnaturally blond head, and a muscled body lying on the couch in casual-wear. Kevin realises exactly whose place they are in and he can do nothing but stare and stare and stare.
Despite the fact that nothing has been said up till now, in those few moments the room suddenly becomes uncomfortably silent. For a moment, Nico looks as though he is about to say something, but instead it’s a coughing fit that breaks up the quiet.
That lasts for a few torturous minutes before stopping. It is only as Nico spits into it that Kevin notices the bucket that sits next to Nico’s sofa. Kevin can’t help the frightened way his eyes rise- that looked like a lot of blood.
The room becomes silent once more. Nico seems to have lost both his breath and whatever it was that he was about to say. Normally Kevin would want to blame him for something like that but right now he can’t. Nico’s eyes have turned downwards and all Kevin wants is for him to look at him.
“Whatever he’s about to tell you is the truth,” Valtteri says finally, startling them all out of the quiet.
Kevin is confused by the statement but he sees the interactions between Valtteri, Sebastian and Kimi, the nervous expressions on their faces and he can’t help but believe it. He nods, first facing them and then nods at Nico, deciding to accept whatever it is that is happening. Hopefully no matter what this is, he can do whatever he can to help.
Valtteri, Sebastian and Seb leave the room moments later, heading for what seems to be a spare bedroom. Kevin can’t believe that he’s been left alone in a room with Nico and what he’s feeling is concern, rather than anger. There’s an awkward moment as the pair realise they have finally been left completely alone and for the first time in what must be years. After a moment's hesitation, Kevin decides to sit in the armchair directly across from Nico’s seat. Kevin is about to speak, he doesn’t exactly know what to say but surely he needs to say something, anything. Before he gets the chance however, Nico starts talking.
“I keep coughing up flower petals.”
Kevin stares at him blankly, after all, as much as he had agreed to believe Nico, he doesn’t need to be a doctor to know that there’s no way that’s possible. Probably seeing the look of disbelief on his face, the German simply passes him the bucket and Kevin stares into it. He grimaces but finds himself unable to look away. True enough there are several petals at the bottom of the bucket, as well as some stuck to the side, it’s impossible to tell the original colour for certain as there is so much blood seeped in. At a guess, he would say that the true colour of the petals is white.
“Why?” Is all Kevin can think to ask, the question feeling dumb immediately after it leaves his mouth.
Luckily however Nico accepts the question with ease and begins to tell him everything he knows about what has been happening. Kevin listens intently as he hears about the past few days. Nico’s symptoms starting once the season had finished, how it started not too bad and then quickly got worse. His desperate search to find out what was wrong with him and how by complete chance and accident he called Valtteri, someone who blessedly knew what was going on.
“I,” Kevin starts, clearing his voice before continuing once more. “Why did you bring me here?”
Hope blooms like a flower in his own chest but he can’t, won’t believe what it is he wants to believe until Nico spells it out to him.
“Because I love you, idiot,” Nico says.
His eyes are expressionless now and his tone is harsh. Normally Kevin would take that as an attack against him but he realises now that Nico is just bracing for the rejection he expects. Despite knowing how inappropriate the reaction is, Kevin can’t help but let a bit of laughter escape. Nico’s eyes flash with what looks like anger, almost completely covering the hurt behind it. Before Nico can say anything however, Kevin starts explaining himself.
“So you’re telling me that we’ve wasted all of this time acting as though we hate each other. Hell, that we’ve managed to actually fuck up so badly that you were dying over it?”
“You don’t hate me,” Nico says, practically repeating back to Kevin, to dumbfounded to think of anything else to say.
“Hate you? I was flirting with you!” Kevin responds and this time it’s Nico’s turn to laugh, startled by the sheer ridiculousness of the whole situation.
“I never claimed I was any good at it,” Kevin grumbles.
The Dane’s cheeks are flushed red but he still can’t help smiling softly at Nico. Less abashed by the situation than Kevin, Nico smiles brightly in response. Emboldened by Kevin’s comment, Nico moves from his spot on the sofa and instead sits on the arm of Kevin’s chair.
“Well, in that case I guess it’s a good thing I’m not dying. I don’t think Valtteri’s dog Fanni wanted a sibling,” Nico jokes, but the tone of his voice suggests he still hasn’t been fully reassured by his and Kevin’s conversation.
Kevin isn’t quite ready to hear jokes about Nico dying, in actual fact, he’s not sure he’ll ever be. Both to reassure and to quiet the other man, Kevin decides to lean up, place a hand lightly on the back of Nico’s neck and kisses him soundly on the mouth. After a moment the kiss deepens, the taste of blood vanishes and Nico feels a weight lifted from his chest.
Zeus lets out a loud bark, perhaps in celebration. More likely however, Nico thinks that the dog was fed up and wanted to remind the pair that they have company. Moments later Valtteri, Kimi and Sebastian join them, having finally felt it was safe to leave the guest bedroom. Nico and Kevin barely notice their entrance, content as they are just to grin at each other widely, ready to face any future troubles, together.