Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ever heard of the butterfly theory?

Basically, if one small thing changes then the whole story can flip in a second. If a man normally walked on the left side of the street but one day went right something amazing could happen. He could find money, meet the girl of his dreams, or avoid a car crash that would have ended him. Its such a strange idea isn’t it?

The reason I bring this up is because once there was a small invader. He was loud and annoying to everyone around him. He caused nothing but destruction and chaos when he even breathed in someone's direction. After he caused the complete failure of the first doom mission he was banished to a small hunk of dirt called earth where he was to be forgotten and die.

Only he thrived.

He still caused his destruction and mayhem on the earthlings but he had a foe to stop his evil plans. A young misunderstood boy who was looked down on by everyone.

But what if one small thing changed?

When that small invader was just a smeet he was given a PAK that was defective. As he grew he couldn’t act like the other invaders because of that PAK. And so he was doomed for the get go it seemed.

But what if someone noticed his gifts.

Yes the small invader could be loud and annoying but he was smart. While facing the small earth child he came up with plan after plan with no import from anyone. He had not only his broken SIR against him, the very world was against him what with its shifting people’s intelligence and the very weather that wanted to kill him. Any yet he would invent and search out new information about the rock he was on. The small invader was very smart.

And someone noticed.

He was a small invader who’s name was Cak. His mission was to look over the Smeets that were soon to be released into their classes where they would enter the training for their future positions in the empire. For some reason his eyes kept going over to a small Smeet who was muttering to himself as he made a tower out of scrap metal. Cak watched as the small Smeet had somehow folded the metal in such a way to keep it together without any tools to help. The shape was starting to look like a small Irken and that’s when Cak noticed the PAK of the small Smeet’s back.

Invader class.

Cak narrowed his eyes and called another to cover his spot and went to the deck to ask for a meeting with his Tallest. There Tallest Miyuki looked him over as he called out his greeting. “Why have you called to us young invader?” came her silky voice and he gulped. Once it was said that female Irkens were not needed. Once it was said that they were to weak and were no longer needed thanks to the way Smeets were now made. Well, he thought with a terrified smile on his face, they must have never met Tallest Miyuki. She was cold, hard, and cruel. She led with an iron fist and was not afraid to terminate anyone who was fool enough to cross her. Even her partner, Tallest Spork, was weary of her when she was angry.

And he had come to possibly kick the nest of slumbering Gorkels.

Irk save him.

Still he sucked in a breath and gave his report. “Today I, Invader Cak, was given the job to oversee the Smeets. No problems are to be reported accept one. A small invader Smeet was not acting as his position. As I observed they wanted to create and investigate. They became irate and very destructive when someone interfered with them as they tried to see more of the room. My Tallest I come here to see if their PAK was miss assigned. I believe we have a young explorer in the making.”

The Tallest Miyuki hummed as she leaned back in her chair. Miss assigning was as rare but did happen. Maybe once every 6 batches of Smeets. The problem was then the way the PAK interacted with the Smeet. They became strange and more deadly as they grew. It began with small things like a raised temper and more like to lash out. The PAK and the Smeet were in constant war as the PAK shut things down and the Smeet was accidentally turning things back on. It overworked the PAK which then caused more problems down the road. The Smeet would become louder and more devoted to the empire as if they were trying to show they had worth to the empire. They were similar to a young destructive Catkind being. They would destroy and kill then give the body to who they would call their masters in hopes of praise. They would do whatever it took to make the Tallest look at them.

Whatever it took.

She stopped the shiver that wanted to so down her back as she remembered that last Tallest who died a horrible death all because the defective didn’t want to park with him. She had only heard about it second hand but it scared her bad. This was the first possible Defective she had come across and had to consider carefully. The Smeets were only born maybe a few weeks ago. There was still time to correct this.

“Go. Bring the Smeet to me.”
Cak bowed and said “Yes My Tallest.”

And so the story changed from our first incarnation. A little Invader became a little Explorer. A PAK was reprogrammed. A life was placed on a new path. Unknowingly the whole universe was changed.

After all what is Invader Zim without an Invader?

Chapter Text

It was time again.

Invaders from all over the universe was coming to Conventia to hopefully be apart of the new mission. As one they went to the convention hall where the The Great Assigning was to happen. Then Operation Impending Doom II was to go.

Many Invader was excited while others were justifiably scared. They all loved and respected their Tallest but it didn’t change that they could be very. . . . cruel. A list of planets had been released as possibilities as to where a few would land and yeah no. No one wanted anything to do with places like planet Blorch.

No one.

While the invaders were waiting for their leaders to appear another small Irken came from the entrance. They stood out because of the purple shirt with the Irken symbol on the chest that fell almost like a skirt around their hips. Black legs tucked into black boots like other Invaders and black gloves covered a nervous tapping finger that wouldn’t leave the symbol alone. Their ruby red eyes glanced around as they walked into the hall. They found a spot near the wall on the right just as the Tallest were announced to the crowd.

The purple Irken could only sigh with a small smile as they watched the lasers fire out in patterns. It had been a while since they had been home and yet even if Red and Purple were their leader now it would seem they would always be the childish fun loving Smeet from way back when. The small Irken watched as The Great Assigning begin. They sighed again as they watched the way their Tallest would flip flop on places and who would go depending on how tall someone was.

Their leaders everyone.

They winced as, finally, Invader Skoodge was given Blorch. They lightly clapped their hands and said a small prayer to The Great Irk to have pity on the small and so very short Invader. Just when everyone was about to be dismissed Tallest Purple asked “Now that’s all over where is Explorer Zim? Yo hoo? Zimmy?” He scanned the crowd everywhere for the Irken as they sighed from their corner. There goes the hope of trying to find them and talk in private later.

The Irken raised their hand and waved as they called out “Yes my Tallest! Zim is here!” Soon Invaders parted to create a walkway from Zim to the Tallest. Zim walked with confidence as Invaders stared at the Purple Irken. For many this was the first, and maybe last, they would see and Explorer Irken. They never stayed on their home planet for long and always were jumping on to the next mission. Even more was the name of the Irken. Everyone had heard of Zim and his role in the last Invasion. He had managed to make a new unwritten law that the Tallest made sure was always followed to a T.

Never think you know more than an Explorer Irken.

Zim had gotten on to the platform and saluted his Tallest. “Good Evening my Tallest. I hope all is well as it was during my last transmission.”

The Tallest smiled at the purple Irken who was a head taller than Invader Skoodge. “Ah Zim. Why weren’t you up on the stage with the Invaders?” asked Red as he reached out to pat the head of Zim. Many Invaders sucked in air at that. It was well known that Zim had been created with the Tallest. He slept, ate and fought side by side with them. The three were once the greatest team in Irk.

The Explorer who investigated planets and found their weakness within a few weeks.

The two Irken Invaders who would pincer attack the planets from both sides till they won.

The three had conquered hundreds in not thousands of planets together and became living legends. But like all things it ended. The previous Tallest were killed and so the next Tallest were chosen. Zim was then left alone without his team.

But even if they weren’t partnering anymore the Tallest were still close to what many called Their Explorer. The three of them would always have each other’s backs. It was one of the reasons Zim could get away with small acts of rebellion like not being on the stage. To the three of them they would always be Purple, Red, and Zim. Even if Zim called them his Tallest there was an underline of ‘My Team’ in his voice. He may not have treated them like the supreme leaders that they now were but he still showed them respect his way. There had been cases where the small Explorer had taken out Invaders who said something against the, at the time, still new Tallest.

Zim came out of his salute and smiled at his old friends. “I came a bit late. I was just a few stars to many away and wasn’t here at a good time” he said with an innocent smile. Purple snorted as he said, “Or hid in the corner in hopes we would forget.” Zim just tilted his head and smiled a little bit bigger. Red snickered as he heard that.

Zim hated attention.

Or rather the attention that came with coming home to Irk. Zim was an explorer so he was well known to sneak on to a planet, become one of them, and leave. Not many could say they even realized he was among them in the first place. But on Irk he was well known and with that came stares and people avoiding him in hopes to not cause the wrath of the previous Tallest and his partners. He had confided that he felt like a pet in a tank when around his own people.

The new tallest knew and understood but this was important. This could be Zim’s Big Project! In every Explorer's life they longed for a Big Project. Something that would stand the test of time. Because of how long they were off planet it was hard for an Explorer to leave proof of their existence. They weren’t connected to the Brains like others Irkens. So they knew emotions Invaders just didn’t have. One was simple a longing to leave proof of their existence out there somewhere in the cosmos.

Some could argue that the work Zim did with the two of them could count of his Big Project, but others would simple use that as greatness of the Tallest not Zim himself. And Zim would never argue that because he loved them and would hate to seem like he was taking credit away from them. As if he didn’t do mountains of work by himself before they were even in the quadrant of the planet.

It was even worse because of the role Zim had unknowingly played in the death of the pervious Tallest.

He was fulfilling his mission to take samples and such from a planet while he found a strange creature. It seemed to be some kind of Infinite Energy Absorbing Blob thing! So Zim did his mission and was able to steal a sample while the creature was distracted with eating the local wildlife. He saw the sample was trying to grow so he clamped it into a frozen status chamber and then called Tallest Miyuki about what he should do. She had been intrigued by the description of the creature and had Zim send the sample to her. He had explained how he believed it was trying to become a new creature and told them of the precautions he took in hopes to stop it. He handed it to a transporter with the warning but the invaders who handled it thought they knew better.

They broke the seal on the container with no way to stop it.

Within moments it unfroze and grew into another creature.

It was a long and hard battle that lead to the death of many Invaders and even the Tallest. It was due to a mix of good luck and just sheer stubbornness that had the surviving Invaders being able to live and eject the monster into space.

Zim was horrified at causing the death of thousands of Irkens and ultimately end to Doom 1 before it could even begin. He willing came back to take a trial by the Control Brains and was willing to accept any punishment they were handing to him.

Only it was deemed to not be his fault.

He had followed every precaution he could have, and it was only due to idiots who didn’t like Explorers and their own arrogance that led to all the destruction that happened that day. Unfortunately, with the loss of his partners and the weariness that other Invaders had of Zim it seemed he was being punished by isolation. So as the Tallest talked with the Control Brains and came up with the idea of Zim’s Big Project.

“Come this way Zim” Red led his Explorer to the star map and walked to the far right. “Over here we have completely unexplored space. We sincerely have no idea what is beyond this point.” He looked down and smiled at the Explorer who seemed to have a fire in his eyes staring at the unknown space. “Normally when we send out Explorers or Invaders out, we have at least some idea what it there. Good air, food, even the creatures they could find but we have nothing for this area. So Zim today your mission is simple. Go out there and explore. What kind of life is there? What can we expect when we get there eventually?” As he spoke he watched his Explorer. With every word out of his mouth he watched the fire burn brighter in Zim’s eyes.

They seemed to glow as he looked up at his Tallest. His friend. How could Zim ever repay this he wondered. Zim had always wanted to go where no one had ever gone before. He knew that there was a chance that nothing was there. It could be a blackhole for all he knew and yet.

He wanted to go.

He wanted to know what was out there in that unknown place.

He was gonna go further than anyone had ever gone before.

He bowed as he said, “I will not fail my Tallest.”

Thank you, my dear friends.

Chapter Text

Zim stood in between Red and Purple in the equipping station as SIRs were given to their Invaders. He didn’t even know if he was getting a SIR but was staying here so he could have a few more moments. Who knew how long he would be gone till he could return to his friends again?

He watched as every Invader got a SIR and left on their mission.

All was left was Zim.

Zim took in a deep breath and turned to his Tallest. They smiled at him as they turned to the final Sir unit. It popped off the rail and unfolded into what Zim took as a standard unit only with teal light and what seemed to be more life. It’s lips moved into a wide grin as it spoke to Zim. “I am GIR the SIR unit to be given to the Explorer Zim! My duty is to help master and make sure he isn’t lonely when he is far away from Irk!” It started to dance around while they stared for a bit. “My Tallest?” Zim didn’t really know what to say. Purple coughed as he spoke for the two of them “He is a prototype so.” He shrugged. “He is as dangerous as a normal SIR but is meant to help investigate the worlds you go to. He is a helper, friend, and everything you can think of. We tried to give him a bit of a personality because a robot will be noticed within moments.” They watched GIR start to hop around on his head and they could only sigh. “Maybe to much personality” muttered Red.

Zim started to smile as he shook his head. “No. He is fine My Tallest. He will be a fine companion for when the nights become to long. He will at least be good entertainment.”

The Tallest became sad as they thought of that. Zim normally had the two of them always. The three of them had been together since the beginning of their lives but somehow Zim’s growth had fallen behind theirs. Somehow, they believed that he had willed it to be that way. They loved to be lazy and have others do their work for them but Zim was different. He wanted to see the universe and experience the wonders that it had in store for him. He would have hated being a Tallest they thought with a sad smile. He needed to move, to be usefully.

They understood but it didn’t mean they had to like being apart for the first time for an unknown time length.

All three sucked in a breath and saluted each other for they were not Leader and subordinate. No in this moment it was just Purple, Red, and Zim. Saying goodbye to their friend.

“Good luck Zim” came from Red
“Call us as soon as you land! I want to know whats there!” said Purple
“Of course. Till we meet again” quietly said Zim

And Zim took GIR and left the Tallest behind. He entered the docking area to find a Zhook Cruiser with a sticker that said ‘To Zim!’ on the window. He sighed and shook his head with a small laugh. His Tallest were something else. He took a look around and noticed it was very roomy with a space in the back filled with enough supplies to last him about a year in case nothing was there. He even found out that the Zhook Cruiser had his beloved, if obsolete, Voot Cruiser seemingly folded into the Zhook’s system. He could recall it at anytime he wished so that was convenient.

He leaned into the chair with GIR sitting next to him just embracing this moment.

He was going to do something no one had ever done before.
He smiled wide with his eyes glowing.

It was time to see what was hidden in the black.

“Come on GIR! Something amazing is waiting out there!”

Zim grabbed the controls and zoomed away from everything he had ever known.

“And I can’t wait!”

-------------------6 months Later-----------------

Zim had turned off the gravity in the Zhook so him and GIR could drift around. He was still excited for his mission, but it didn’t change the fact he was bored to tears. So far the planets he found were noting but hunks of rock. Maybe they could be used for mines or ports. When he reported this to the Tallest he could see the look on their faces that maybe they had just sent him on a terrible recon.

That hadn’t been the plan.

Later he had called them on their personal connection left over from their partner days to make sure they knew he was thankful. Even if this turned out to be noting but rock after rock, they had tried to give him something amazing and he was so glad. He said that if this turned out to be nothing then he would just look for a new Big Project himself. And at least the research he sent back was hopefully helpful to the empire.

And it had surprisingly.

Some of the gases from a couple of planets can been able to make a newer and stronger fuel. With it the Massive was able to go faster and didn’t use as much fuel. Zim had smiled at knowing that he had done something to help his people.

At least he had that going for him, right?

Since then the Tallest had made sure to let Zim know if any of the research was helping anything with in the armada. He had helped find new fuel and new mixtures for lasers which made Red very excited while Purple sighed. It was even discovered that some of the gases he found could be used as a nerve gas which made Purple excited now.

Zim grabbed GIR’s small feet and started to flick them back and forth without any real thought just to hear his little friend giggle away. Being out here with GIR was a bit of fun to tell the truth. The little thing was a pain in the neck with how hyper it was but it was his pain. It was a scary thought to be out here in the black without anyone to keep him company, so he was very thankful for the little guy.

Suddenly a beep happened with a “Proximity warning! Planet ahead.” Zim let go of GIR’s legs and looked out the door. There he saw a planet that was mostly blue with green popping up here and there. He looked at the monitor to see a name.

“Planet Earth. Well GIR its time to take a look whats down there! First order of business to see if there is life and, if there is, where to place a base of operations!”

With that the Explorer entered the atmosphere of Earth. “Now is the time to focus, GIR! This is where your advanced information gathering skills come in handy!” GIR’s eyes flashed as he saluted to his Master, “Understood, Sir!” He then turned to look out the window as Zim flew to the cloud cover of the planet. Then moving at an almost impossible speed they flew over building, towns, cites taking in what they could about the Earthlings.

As they were doing this Zim’s PAK was downloading the information they had picked up right into Zim’s mind. Within minutes he had what kind of disguises and what kind of base that he and GIR would need for this mission.

And he was excited. There was life on this planet! People to talk to, people to live with, people to try and sneak past! That was one of his favorite parts of his mission to tell the truth. He loved to learn about the species on a world and then see if he could interact. Could he blend in and live beside them? Could he make it, so no one even knew an Irken was among them? It was a test of his research.

And now this planet was going to be the ultimate test. On the other planets he had them figured out and done within a few weeks, but this was going to be different.

There was no Invader coming.

There was only going to be Explorer Zim alone for who knows how long. He would have to live among its people and make sure not to stand out. It was going to be his most difficult mission to date to make sure no one found him. Because even as primitive the planet was there was always going to be someway to hurt or kill someone. So now the test begun.

Who would win?
Earth?
Or Explorer Zim?

Chapter Text

Zim looked around when he saw an empty lot between two homes that were in a cul-de-sac like formation. He glanced around fast and said “Here! We build here! Almost no one will notice if we make the base here!” The Zhook landed with almost no sound but did make a cloud of dirt rise from the ground. Zim grabbed GIR and jumped on to the ground. He used the cover of dirt to make a quick glance around to make sure no one saw them. He then turned to GIR and asked if he saw anything that would make a good disguise? GIR’s answer?

“I saw a squirrel.”

Zim gave GIR a puzzled look as GIR started to imitate the squirrel. All Zim could do was watch for a few seconds and wonder why he wasn’t used to GIR’s brand of crazy just yet. ‘It’s been six months and yet I’m surprised that what he focuses on. Why?’ thought Zim as he felt his eye twitch.

“GIR come on. It is time to choose what we will be wearing for the foreseeable future” was all Zim said as he walked over to the Zhook. He could feel a headache start pulsing from behind his eyes. GIR popped up excitedly as he asked, “Can I be a mongoose!?” Zim shushed then paused. “What is a mongoose? No don’t answer that right now! Right now, we have to be silent and find reasonable disguises.”

He started the disguise program and watched as the Zhook moved to become his disguise chamber. “Now I need something that’s about my size. I can’t become to tall or big or I’ll be unbalanced and get myself in trouble.” He shivered as he remembered becoming a Raxacoricofallapatorian. They were so much bigger than Zim was used to and had almost gotten caught. He was so glad Red was overprotective and came to save him in that last second.

He looked over his options and wasn’t to enthused. One disguise wanted him to become a thin tall man that he knew he would always fall over in. Another was a man of good girth that would tower over Zim on a normal day so that was out. He sighed but then perked when he came to the next look. It looked very similar to his normal look only with a few differences. Black hair that would become almost impossible to remove without a compound that the Zhook could make easy. It would cover the back of his head and become like his antenna when it curled up near his forehead. On his eyes would be a pair of contacts that made his red eyes have white sclera with blue irises. The biggest change was that his normal green skin would become a normal pale white and it was a startling change for the young Explorer but one he could live with.

He squinted and noticed no ears on the side of his head like normal humans but shrugged and figured he could call it a skin condition. Then he noticed the clothing he would wear. “They really didn’t put much thought into this did they.” He sighed as he looked at what he would be wearing with this disguise.

It was his uniform.

The same purple shirt with the Irken symbol on his chest. Black gloves, pants and boots. The one difference was a darker purple backpack that had red stitching to cover his PAK. He sighed and said “Fine. Fine! I’m on a time crunch here. Hit it!” with that he was encased in the chamber and with a few muffled grunts of pain the new Zim appeared. He pushed his hair back then grabbed GIR to push him into the chamber. “And now you will become my beloved companion-”

GIR popped in to say “Like I am now master?”

Zim looked down at his little friend to sigh and say “Yes. Like now. So now you will become my dog!” And soon GIR stepped out as a green puppy and Zim could only sigh. “Sure. That is total what I chose. Whatever.” GIR looked up with so much joy Zim could only sigh and pat his head. “You look wonderful GIR. The best pup around.” GIR rubbed his face and rocked back and forth as he giggled in joy.

Zim sighed as he took out a capsule, which unfolds as an electronic pad complete with pen. Soon, looking at the images of houses from the PAK, started to draw a house. “Four walls and a roof. A window or two. Don’t forget the door or you will never be able to get out. A few animals for decoration and” Zim mumbled to himself as he tried to get this down without making it look to bad. “There!”

Zim closed the electronic pad into a capsule that then shifts into a drill. He sticks the capsule into the ground and watches it to make sure it was going into the dirt. “Come on GIR! We got to hide!” Zim then turned to say “We can't afford to make a sound right now!”

Then the noise began.

Zim could feel his headache get worse as he heard all the metal clank together to form the house. “Oh look. Its attached itself to the neighboring house. How nice.” Within a minute the house was made but the sounds were not done. Thanks to all the clanking and moving the neighbors were up along with a baby and a car alarm. Zim could only suck in a breath, grab GIR’s leash, and march into the house past his robo parents trying not to look at anyone. As soon as the door closed Zim dropped the leash and leaned against the door. “WELL! Step one went smooth. Computer are you up and running yet?”

“Yes. All systems are up and running at 100% How can I help?”

Zim rubbed his head as he asked the computer to take now his newest note for his daily log. “#503 Subject arrival. My Tallest we need to talk about silent machines please.” He and GIR walked to the kitchen where the PAK was telling him the entrance to his lab was to be found. Without a word the entrance was located and entered. As he descended, he remarked to himself “The Tallest were wise to pick me. Because at this rate at least I can hopefully run away when my own machinery is why I’m found out.” He sighed in defeat before he started to rub at his eyes. “And why is it that we have amazing tech yet can’t make non scratchy lenses!?”

He was placed in a chair with a monitor in front of it when he came out of the elevator. He started typing as he looked more into this earth and its ways. With the shape of his body and looks he would place himself around 14 to 15 years of age which was their adolescent. Hmm. That opened ideas on how to gather information on this hunk of dirt. “Hmm so at this age humans begin joining work forces and such. They don’t even have set jobs! So they can work in a ‘fast food joint’ and end up a healer to their people. Fascinating.” Zim leaned back and thought about that for a moment. No set jobs mean it would be easy for him to hop into anywhere. Better for him to blend in with its people.

Zim sighed as he thought ‘give me a challenge. Please do not make this an easy job.’ He started diving more into he human race and felt his Squeedlyspooch tighten up. He started to type faster and faster as he found holidays, festivals, wars, and everything else. After a few moments of this he stopped. Then he started to laugh. “Ah! I see! You hoo-mans are so interesting! It many be easy to infiltrate but learning everything is going to be difficult! You all are always changing! Your entire race love to take a left when others think you are going right! Ah! I can’t wait to find out more!” Zim snickered as he started typing on the keyboard one final time. “And if I want to learn more, I must join the masses. It looks like I’m going to this skool.” Zim grinned at picture at the local middle skool.

Lets do this.

With the morning light found Zim in a Ms. Bitters class. He glanced around and noticed everyone looked bored to tears. He smirked at that because no matter the race almost every child would hate classrooms. He did notice one child pointed at him in what looked like shock and was shaking but he only looked at him in confusion. He turned away thinking there was always a strange one in the bunch.

Ms. Bitters addressed the class “Class, I would like to introduce the newest, hopeless appendage to the student body. His name is... Zim. Zim, if you have something to say, say it now, because after this moment, I don't wanna hear another sound from you!” Zim stared in shock as she seemed to slither back to her chair. ‘Are all earth females like that?’ He shock his head and spoke to the class in a stead tone “Hello everyone. I am Zim and I come for a far-off place so please put up with me as I learn this city and the norm here.” He ended this with a hopefully kind smile to put the earthen children at ease.

He did notice a few perked up at him and he knew that people would probably come ask him about his home. He had it all worked out though. He came from a small town where everyone knew everyone, so this was the first time in a city and the first time he when to this kind of school. That would make his oddness be forgiven and allow him to investigate with more people giving him room to ask what they deemed to be dumb questions.

It was genius he thought as he sat at his desk in the far-right corner.

Ms. Bitters them started up the talk that Zim had interrupted. “Today's lecture is about outer space... and how it will eventually implode in on itself!”

Zim smirked to himself as he heard that. Maybe it would implode one day. But before that at least the Irkens would be filled with entertainment.

He grabbed something called a ‘notebook’ that he had in the fake backpack and started to write down places he needed to see soon. A ‘grocery store’ to see what there was on this planet. Maybe a ‘library’ soon to see what information was to be found not on the inter webs.

As he was making a list a voice interrupted Ms. Bitters. Zim looked up and saw it was the black-haired boy who was standing almost in front of him. He took a moment to look the boy over more then just the fast glance he saw before. The boy had short black hair except a long scythe that stopped at the back of his head. He was pale skinned with big glasses that almost hid the intense gold eyes that stared at him like Zim was the answer to all his problems.

It was a bit disconcerting, so he cared on his observations.

He wore a blue shirt with a gray face that looked very done with everything Zim thought with a small smile. A black coat covered his legs and the bottom of his face if it was closed. Interesting. Why would he wear a coat without closing it Zim wondered. Wasn’t that the purpose of a coat? One his feet were black combat boots.

He then tuned in to listen to what the boy was saying. “Okay, am I the only one here who sees the alien sitting in class?” ‘Oh here we go’ Zim thought while mentally rubbing his hands together in anticipation for the small challenge coming his way all the while blinking at the boy with big, innocent eyes. ‘Let’s see who wins boy. The small earthen child or the Explorer with hundreds of worlds under his belt’

The class started looking around as if he was about to pop up and go ‘Right here! Alien!’ He just glanced around like the other kids then looked confusedly at the boy. ‘So far its my win boy’ The boy looked at his classmates like they were idiots then pointed at Zim as he said “Here! Right in front of us!” The class looked at Zim who just pointed at himself like ‘who me?’ Zim could see the boy was getting more worked up as he talked “That is no kid! He's an alien! An alien! One of the monsters I've been talking about! He's here to conquer Earth!”

Zim just tilted his head and looked even more confused at the boy. He then glanced around as if asking someone to explain who this earth child was? He felt a human child lean towards him and say “Not this again Dib! You are so crazy!” Zim wanted to laugh hard at that. So, the earth boy had a history of things like this? That would ruin his credibility. Well then. Sorry Dib was it? Zim is gonna win this one easy.

“What about his clothing!? That’s so wired!” Zim looked up and pretend to be offended. “Oi! Don’t make fun oh my clothes! I like the color Purple and the symbol is from a band that was pretty cool from my hometown! Besides you don’t see me making fun of your coat. Why are you wearing a trench coat like you are some movie hero? We are like 14. The biggest problem we have is if the homework is gonna flood us to death.” Everyone started laughing at that as Dib’s mouth flopped like a fish. Zim couldn’t help but smirk a bit because right now he had the class in his hands. ‘Come on Dib-Boy! Don’t give up that fast! Give me another shot!’ The boy then drew himself up and said “Well what about your ears! Is that part of a "skin condition", Zim? No ears?” ‘Oh little earth boy. You make this so easy.’ Zim just looked down and away sadly as he replied in a little “yes”

The class stopped laughing and looked mad at Dib. “Man, Dib. You think that just 'cause someone looks different, you can call them an alien?” came from a boy in the second row. The boy in the sit next to Zim piped up with “I guess Old Kid's an alien too, huh?” Zim looked in the back to see a child who looked like he was in his 70s say hi. Zim stared for a second thinking he had to look into what illness can such the earthlings could have. It would be interesting research he was sure.

Before Dib could speak again a boy in purple spoke up, “what's wrong with you? All you talk about is aliens and ghosts and seeing Bigfoot in your garage!” Dib stared as he replied “He was using the belt sander...” in a quite voice. Zim could only lift an eyebrow as he looked at the boy. ‘Bigfoot? From the sounds of it, it may be some kind of urban legend or something like it. I’ll add that into my research.’

Dib jumped up and said “Don't let him trick you! I know what I'm talking about, and here it is... sitting right here in front of us! Actual proof that all the things I've been saying are actually right! Finally, a way to prove that I'm, that I'm...”

‘To easy. Sorry Dib-Boy. I win this round. Better luck next time.’

Zim thru his voice to sound like Dib as he finished Dib’s sentence “Crazy”

The students started nodding and saying that made sense as Dib stared in shock. He then glared at Zim with everything he had while Zim just placed his chin on his folded hands to smile serenely back at the boy.

Soon class was over and the skool day was done. Zim walked out to the steps and watched for a moment. All the kids split to walk, get a lift, or take the bus. Zim wondered for a moment to seeing if he could get a lift from the bus but decided that would be something for the future Zim to ponder about.

He started wondering down the stairs only to have his name called from behind him. There he found Dib standing there with an almost confused look on his face as he looked at him. Suddenly he placed his hands on his hips and stated to talk. “Maybe your cruddy little disguise worked on everyone else, but I'll get them to see the truth.”

Zim suddenly had a choice.

He could lie.

Or tell the truth.

This was his Big Project. He was going to be here for years. To learn all about the earthlings and their way of life. He was going to devote his life to this planet and its people as the Explorers before him had done when they had their own discovery. Maybe he would even find a life mate in one of these beings. Now wouldn’t that be something?

He gazed at Dib and thought of the years before him. Suddenly he smirked and thought ‘what the hell. Every good Big Project had some kind of problem. So, Dib of Earth. How about you become my problem?’

“No one will believe you.”

Suddenly Dib slid down the railings of the steps to land in front of Zim. Zim rose an eyebrow as he watched Dib pull out a pair of hand cuffs from an inner pocket in his coat. “They will believe me when I bring you in without your disguise. All I need is to clip you into these to render you unconscious! Or so the UFO Vine guaranteed.”

Zim squinted at the boy as he asked “How do you know it works if you never found an alien before?” Then Dib smiled in what Zim would come to know as ‘murder face’ when he surfed the internet later. He preceded to try and catch Zim by jumping on him as he yelled “I'm gonna find out right now!”

And so the chase was on.

Zim dodged Dib by jumping over him and then running out of the school grounds.

Zim could admit that he was having fun with this boy. He was chased past people and had to jump through windows in cars. At one point he ran over the roofs of cars parked in a straight line and jumped into the street. Using other earthlings, he knew he at least caused some injury to the boy.

Then they got on the buses roof top.

Unfortunately Zim had noting to stick to the roof of the vehicle so one sharp corner and he was off. He was caught by a bar to the waist before he hit the ground and was able to watch Dib going further away on the buses roof. “Try again later Dib-boy!” Then sharp teeth dug into his head and he was dragged down into the bushes. After a few minutes he was able to drag himself out through a hole in the fence that was just big enough to get out. Then he looked up on the fence to see Dib looking into the bushes waiting for him.

Maybe it was childish.

Maybe he was a bit bitter about the dog.

Or maybe he just didn’t care enough to be seen as a strong Irken right now.

So he pushed Dib into the bushes and smiled at the sounds of pain that came soon after. He then called GIR asking for a way out of there fast. That dog had made escape more difficult then it needed to be. Soon GIR appeared using his jet pack legs to get there as fast as he could. Zim would normally make some kind of comment of flying dogs but he was to busy getting pushed on to GIR’s back and taking off.

Fun Fact: GIR was still very new so he did not completely know how to steer or stop. Something Zim knew very well now as GIR had slapped him into branches, a stop sign, and his very own door. Yeah. There was work to be done on that front too. Wonderful.

“Good work GIR” was all Zim could say after the door slam much to GIR’s joy. Then he looked to the entrance of the yard to see Dib coming from the smoke like he was some kind of deranged specter and Zim.

Zim stared at the boy and felt something.

It wasn’t fear.

No.

Zim felt like something was expanding inside of him.

This boy

Dib

He was going to be something amazing to Zim.

One day Zim would be able to tell you what that feeling was but right this moment, for the life of him, he couldn’t tell ya.

Without a word he shoved GIR into the house and locked the door after them. He could hear Dib knocking on the door and yelling threats while Zim tried to calm his insides down from that odd reaction. He could hear the security gnomes laser fire and held his breath wondering if it had hit that Dib.

Only to release it when he heard Dib say he was going to prepare more at his dwelling. It was only then that he pulled the twig from his hair and went to take off his disguise before calling the Tallest.

“Zim! Its been a bit since your last call! So, have you seen something new out there” asked Red

“Yeah! And what’s with the look on your face? You look like you are anticipating something good” wondered Purple as he saw his Explorers eyes burning like there was a fire in them.

“My Tallest. I have found my Big Project. It is called Earth."

Chapter Text

Zim looked at his lunch and wondered what was even on his plate. There was a slab of gray that was meant to be. . . .bread? Maybe? Then there were round green things that was said to be peas. He scoped some up and sniffed it only to recoil. He didn’t know if that was just the regular smell or if it was the chemicals earthlings put in everything, but it was revolting.

He pushed the food away and pulled out his notebook to look over his to do this that was always being added to. He had gone to the ‘library’ in town and had found so many books. Even if most of the information could be found in the internet a lot of it was new. It was through the library that he had found out that humans had so many different ways to entertain. Fantasy, romance, Sy-fi, and horror books had become a common premise for movies and some of those movies had been from video games.

Sometimes the earthlings could be really smart was what Zim thought as he flipped a murder mystery book.

He showed his findings to the Tallest who were also excited. Irkens were mostly invaders so things like entertainment were never focused on. It was through the Explorers that the Irkens even knew art, music, and dance was a thing. Everything the Explorers was downloaded as they learned to the Control Brains who then deemed what was needed for the Irkens as a race. This was one reason Irkens like Zim were given so much freedom from the Brains.

If they had such control on the Explorers like they did on Invaders, then there would be many a dead Irken who just couldn’t blend in.

He also found many a cookbook and after Zim discovered the dessert section he sent that right to the Tallest. They looked over every single dessert and became very excited. After telling Zim to find samples of all of it they gave a copy to every fast food eatery with the order to try and recreate the image in a very yummy way. They were even willing to lift the banished Irkens back into the Empire all for the desserts.

Zim just sighed.

‘At least the Video Games were being put into good use’ he thought with a small smile as he debated what to put in his notebook.

It was shocking that in the whole universe there was no one who used the games as a simulator. At least if there were their technology had not been found by the Irkens. Thanks to stealing a game system from the local store he was able to reverse engineer the system to see how it worked. The PAK then sent the idea to the Brain who deemed it good enough to send to the lead scientist of the empire. They were then able to make small simulators to put the Smeets in and it was though this they were able to tell who would become a future crew member and who would be a leader. The trainers were thankful to this because there was less chance of death to them and their people. Before all that the only way to learn was hands on and yeah. Sometimes hands on just wasn’t a good idea.

Zim felt satisfied with the work he had done so far. It had only been a month into this and he had helped out the empire in big ways. He was brought out of his thoughts when he felt something touch the back of his head and push it down till it connected with a solid smack. He had the odd thought that he was glad he pushed the lunch away or he would have a face full right now.

As he rubbed his head and glaring the back of the kid who knocked him, he overheard a girl saying he was weird. “All the kid does is write in his dumb notebook. Like he’s been here a month and he hasn’t made one friend. Not even with the loser Dib or one of the rejects. But look at him, all by himself! I mean, what kind of kid doesn't have any friends? It’s so WEIRD”

Zim pinched the space between his eyes as he thought ‘really? That’s where you draw the line?’ He sighed and rubbed his hands together. ‘Fine. Whatever. So, humans are companion species and even though I’m on good terms with my classmates it seems there is still more to do. Fine.’ He glanced and saw what earthling friends were meant to do. ‘Hmm, they share food, play little games and sit together.’ At the last one he glanced at the narrowed eye Dib who looked like he was waiting for Zim to do something. ‘What do you want boy? Do you want me to try and make you be my friend? Or are you waiting to see who you will try and turn against me?’

Zim turned away with a little smile as he looked to what he heard as the reject table. There was a good chance that one of those kids were desperate for a friend and would be more likely to defend him then sell him out to Dib. He goes over and says hi to a boy who he recognizes from his class. Before he can even say more the boy says “I was born with webbed fish toes... like some kind of horrible fish boy. Wanna see?” ‘With your crazy eyes I’ll say a big nope.’ Zim slowly backs away and looks at the boy next to web boy as Zim had started to call Dirge. Before he could even say anything, the boy ran out the door screaming.

Zim just stared.

‘What is even happening? I didn’t even say anything that time. This is not a scary look Matthew! The only possible scary thing is no ears and if that’s it then you’re a jerk Matthew.’

He then turned to the three still sitting there and feeling a little weary from the previous times before could only weave. The three who he learned were named Gretchen, Melvin, and Keef smiled and waved back. Zim sat there at the table, keeping at least a foot between him and web boy Zim started to chat.

Melvin was a very. . . . cheerful? Boy who dreamed to go into the stars and make friends with aliens on mars. Zim only blinked and mentally said ‘Nope’ because he knew he would never be able to hold his tongue.

He was not going to even chance being blamed for the kids broken dreams.

Gretchen was alright. She just didn’t seem to know what to make of him which confused him to no end, as far as he knew he had never talked to her before now. Then he noticed how her eyes kept glancing behind him and he just knew she was looking at Dib. Dib was the only one who would study anyone around Zim and if she had a ‘crush’, as he heard earthlings call it, then Dib had to be looking at her too. He watched as she staidly became redder in the face the longer she talked to him and could only sigh.

‘Girl you are going to cry over that boy. With the way he has followed me around he has the work ethic of an Irken scientist. The only way he will take a break is if he is dead. So he is never going to even glance your way.’

Zim thought back to the last month. The boy had been everywhere. He had found him in trees, hiding behind the fire hydrant, and even if a trash can he had walked by with GIR one night. He was luck to sneak the game system past Dib or he would have sold him out as soon as he had stepped out of the store. There had been a few more chases back to his base as he was a bit reluctant to hit the kid whose only crime right now was run after him with hand cuffs.

‘Yeah sorry young one. He only has time for following me.’

He then turned to the one known as Keef.

The boy didn’t seem to have any real thought in his head. He just stared up at Zim with this big bright look in his eyes. Zim only blinked back. The boy seemed to be a ‘yes man’ Zim thought the term was. He acted like if Zim said the sky was purple then the boy would just nod along. Hmm.

Zim stood up and asked “Hey Keef? Hang out with me at recess? It gets boring just studying all the time.” Boy it looked like Zim had handed him the codes to the Massive. Zim walked away with Keef walking right behind him like his own personal puppy. As they walked past the table with the girl saying he was weird he could hear Keef rambling about how they were going to be bestest best friends forever and ever. Zim could only wonder if he had any medication for the headache that was sure to develop after dealing with this kid all day.

He glanced at Dib as he walked by and he could barely see his eyes from how hard he was squinting at Zim. Zim could only sigh as he wondered if there was a way around all the drama that was sure to follow him now.

Chapter Text

Zim could only stare straight ahead as Keef hopped around him in a form of victory dance. They had just won a round of tether ball and Zim had used the kid as a bat. He sincerely had no idea on how to play the game and had simply done what he was told ‘get the ball around the pole.’ And now Keef was so happy he had turned into some hopping creature. Was Zim meant to pat him or something in praise? Is that how earth friends worked? He really had no clue but he could feel the eyes of the playground on his back.

He glanced over to the bench he had seen Dib at earlier and could see the boy smirking away. This was probably blamed on Zim’s lack of understanding of earth norms but it didn’t mean Zim was going to let this stand.

And that was how Dib found himself glued to his chair in the art class.

Now while Dim was trying to save himself without ripping his pants Zim was sitting at a table just doodling a picture of him and Keef. He sighed as it was done and wondered if earth had drawing classes or something because he could draw a map perfectly or even a weapon schematic but arts just were not his thing. A classmate looked over and said, “A drawing of you a Keef?” Zim sighed and leaned back on the chair as he answered. “Yeah. We started talking at lunch and he seemed alright. Then he said we were best friends and that he would make me something in art class. And so I don’t feel guilty I give you this. The best I can do.”

The kid, brian, looked at it and said “No offence dude but that sucks.” Zim just placed his head on the table and said “Yeah I know but I just can’t do art. Drawing and painting just aren’t my thing you know? But I’d feel like a jerk if I couldn’t hand him something.”

Brian patted his back as a shrill “ZIM!” echoed through the room. Zim picked up his head and looked at the little carrot headed boy that was running over to him with a painting. Zim glanced at Brian with a look he knew said ‘help me’ only for that traitor to raise his hands as if to say ‘not my problem.’ “Here you go! For my bestest best friend!” Zim just smiled painfully as he felt his eye start to twitch.

‘Red where are you when I need you?’

“That’s thoughtful. Thank you. Here this ones for you.” Zim gave him the drawing hoping that he would be offended and leave him alone.

Zim was not that lucky.

“Oh my gosh, Zim! This is amazing! The bestest best drawing ever in the whole world! I’ll love it forever and ever!” Oh look who came back. Zim’s eyebrow twitch. Zim just sighed as Keef went over how amazing and talented Zim was at drawing. He glanced around and thought it was funny that instead of the classmates thinking he was strange they moved right into pity. And yet not a single one would come and save him.

Thanks a lot guys.

Really he could feel the love as the earthling saying went.

But no there was an earthling that could try to get him out of this mess thought Zim as he looked over at Dib who was glaring with the heat of a thousand suns. The only downside was right now Dib couldn’t help because the teacher was holding him as he cut off the back of Dib’s pants. So Zim would have no rescue to come for the foreseeable future.

Wonderful.

Thankfully the school day was done and Zim was able to leave but Keef wouldn’t leave him be. He looked up to the students had parted in a sad mimic of the day the Tallest had called him for this mission. At the time he had felt a bit embarrassed but warm from the care he found in the Tallest but here he just felt embarrassed. When he glanced up he was glad to see that the kids seemed to feel more pity then anything. Keef was waving and acting like he was a big actor who was on his way to a prize and Zim?

Zim was ready for the day just to be over already.

As Zim walked home Keef just kept up talking and talking. The boy never stopped and Zim was started to wonder if Keef would really be missed. If Zim just happened to push him in to traffic would he be blamed? Really? As Zim’s mind got bloodier from all the ideas on how to get rid of this boy he happened to glance up and see his street. ‘Oh thank the great Irk! Freedom!’ thought Zim with relish.

Soon he got to the door and turned to stop the boy “Alright so thanks very much for today but I think tomorrow I’m gonna go back to my books. You know how it is. The mind will rot if not in use so thanks for today but bye bye!” As he went to close the door Keef asked if he had video games. Zim just looked at him and said “Yes?” wondering what the boy’s angle was now. Only the boy didn’t say anything for a minute so Zim just closed the door. Zim then leaned against the door and sighed as he heard the sweet relief of nothing. No talking, no bestest best friend, no loud sounds.

He looked up and saw GIR watching the TV just imitating the scary monkey on the screen. Zim clapped his hands and said “well that was a learning experience I’d say. Peer pressure is a thing and I want nothing to do with it.” As he went to walk away from the door he noticed something slid under the door. He picked it up to see it was a card with bestest friends drawn on it with a little image of Keef and him. He stared without a word and then said “So earthlings can paint amazing things and yet can’t draw in pencil. Fun fact for the Tallest later.”

The phone then started ring so Zim picked it up with little to no thought and said “Hello.” It was Keef. Keef who he thinks just pushed the card through the door. And then somehow got to a phone to call Zim within seconds.

Can Earthlings teleport now?

“Um Keef? I thought I told you-”
“I understand, Zim. I was thinking maybe you'd want to-”

The phone started to beep and Zim had to hold in a sigh of relief. If he was lucky it was going to be a telemarketer person who wanted to talk for an hour or so. Then Keef had to hang up by then right?

“Hold on, I've got another call.” He then switches lines without waiting for a word from Keef. “Hello? This is Zim how can I help you this fine day” Talk to me please and let it be a long one!

“Heya buddy! You're gonna love the circus!”

It was Keef.

Zim lifted the phone away from his head fearfully and wondered how Keef had two phones. He yanked on the phone, pulling it from out of the wall as fast as he could. He signed in relief swearing that he would take care of Keef tomorrow when he heard a bike bell outside. He glanced out the window only to see Keef riding a bike slowly past Zim's house. Not just once but three times as Zim stared slack jawed. Zim could only roll down the blinds as his mind worked in overdrive.

Was this an earthling thing?

No it couldn’t be, the other friends weren’t like this.

They weren’t followed when going to the restroom and such. Only Keef did.

And Zim didn’t think he was going to stop.

“Ok. What the hell can I do to stop this? I wish I could just kill him but then questions would be asked, and I can’t have that. Damn.” Zim wondered in quick circles as he thought about a solution to all this.

“Ok. Ok I have an idea. GIR! I’m going into the lab so make sure no one comes into the house!” called Zim as he ran to the trash entrance of the lab. He heard GIR’s ok distantly as he was already descending. He just needed to figure out the logistics of what he needed done. Hmm maybe.

AS soon as he was safely incased in the lab he took off the bloody disguise and just breathed. Down here in the dark away from anyone Keef didn’t seem that important. He was miles away while Zim just drifted in his quite away from the world. Soon an alarm telling him that it was 7 am so he had to get ready for school. He sighed as he donned his earthling identity and left the lab with a small smile.

Only to stare in shock as he stepped out of the toilet.

Keef.

Keef was in his home.

Keef who was lucky to be facing the stove and not the toilet Zim had just stepped out of.

Because if he did?

Well there would be one less Keef in the world let’s just say.

He glanced over at GIR who was staring up at a pile of waffles with stars in his eyes even through the suit.

‘GIR, my beloved SIR unit, after this you and I are going to have words!’

Keef turned and when he saw Zim broke out into a wide smile. “Zim! Just in time! I’m making some bacon to go along with the waffles. Just take a sit with your dog.” Zim sighed and asked “Keef? What are you doing inside my house?” Keef glanced over as he answered “Oh I just asked your puppy. He must know that you and I are the bestest friends ever because he let me in no problem!”

‘GIR! WORDS!’

“Well I’m sorry Keef but I need you to go” ask Zim spoke he grabbed Keef and led him to the door. “But your breakfast? Are we leaving for skool right now?” Zim, by then, had opened the door and picked up Keef “Sorry but no. I’m not going in. Fever, chills you know how it is. So, I’m going to wrap up in a blanket till I feel all better. Bye bye Keef!” And then tossed him out the door. Zim locked the door and walked right into the lab. “After a night of rest, I thought I was being cruel. I thought it would be a mercy to just let this go but no. He can into my base without a single word of warning from anyone. That can not stand. If I can’t kill him then lets try another way!”

With that Zim ran down to the lab and stared to work in a fevered pitch. He was going to make the crazy Earthling go away once and for all. While he was working a screen open on his right. Zim had placed bugs all over the skool in hopes to help gather information on the earthlings. It was also programed to go off if the name Zim was mentioned in hopes to know his standing with the earthlings. Before this day it was just odds and ends like ‘I wonder if Zim did the math homework?’ ‘Would Zim like to hang out outside?’ Or his favorite was when Dib went off on a tangent about his plans for Zim.

There were times Zim would just sit there and smile as Dib was all but twitching as he ranted about Autopsy videos and showing something called the swollen eyeball that he could be respected. Zim could only think the boy was high strung and needed to lay off the caffeinated drinks that were so loved on this planet.

Today he saw Keef.

Somehow, he wasn’t surprised.

What did surprise him was party invitations? For Zim’s party?

I’m sorry what?

He turned and stared at the screen. Within a few moments he got it. Keef in some idea that it would make Zim feel better had planed a party at Zim’s home. He looked at the kid’s faces and wondered how he was going to get out of this mess. All the kids looked a bit excited to have this party.

Damn.

Alright fine!

“GIR!”

“Yes master?”

Zim watched as GIR popped into the lab from the cords from above him. “GIR go to the store and get party food! Like the nacho things and fruit punch! Ask a worker at the store or something for other ideas!” GIR saluted as he said “Yes Sir!” Zim then looked over at the computer and said to take down all the lawn decorations and instead place the things called fairy lights up. While that was being taken care of he finished up the finale touches on his present to his ‘Bestest friend’.

‘Sorry Keef but it’s not me it’s all you in this case.’

Chapter Text

Zim glanced at the party area. The grass had somewhat of a dancefloor placed over it along with speakers sitting on the sides of the door to try and keep people away from the house. A table where there was a big bowl of punch and snack like foods ranging from cake to popcorn. He had a lot of music taken from the internet ready to play as soon as kids showed up.

He made sure the computer was recording the inside alone with the outside of the base to make sure no one would try to sneak anything like cameras, looking at you Dib, into the house. Every entrance to the lab was locked down to make sure no earthling would accidentally stumble upon it.

He knew exactly play this.

He would mingle and talk to people only for it to let slip that this wasn’t planed. People would start to feel guilty and some would even start to leave. As more left then even more would leave. So the party would only last a few hours at most and Zim would be home free. Even better is during all this he could lure Keef away to give him his ‘present’. So today wouldn’t be a complete bust.

Lets do this thing.

Zim looked at his clothing for this thing and hoped it was alright. He took off his Explorer uniform and instead wore a long purple sweater that clinched in such a way that showed off his tiny but strong build. The fluffy neckline was big enough for Zim to tuck in and hide his mouth as if he was embarrassed to be found laughing. The sleeves covered his hands in what he had come to know as ‘sweater paws’ and the only reason he liked them was because he was able to make fists without anyone knowing. He needed a way to let out all the aggression he had without blowing his cover so he settled for clenched teeth and fists while the world thought he was laughing or embarrassed.

Next, he had taken off his black leggings and replaced them with a dark pink, almost red, pair that led to black combat boots. They came to his ankles and he could feel his inner Irken screaming about unprotected ankles that could be snapped so easy, but this is what he had to do for his mission.

He sighed as he glanced around. Ok this was all he could do for now. He just had to wait for the kids to come to the party.

Around 4 o’clock people started to show up and surprisingly everything was going smoothly. People were eating and dancing around to music. The kids seemed to like it and he had a lot of complaints about the party and what he was wearing. Zim played up the embarrassed happy kid he had taken as his cover in the school and the kids were eating it up. It also came up in conversation that he was glad people liked the party when it was so last minute. “Even I didn’t know it was happening till someone texted me about a party happening at my house.” Zim laughed with little guilty smile as if he felt bad that Keef had planed this without his knowhow.

And what did you know? Kids started to leave.

Around 6 Zim walked into the house under the idea that he was grabbing more punch with Keef on his heels. People just thought he was grabbing Keef to yell at him about this party and that just increased the number of kids leaving. Zim brought Keef to the kitchen away from everyone’s vision and turned to Keef. “Thank you for this Keef. Here I got you a present as a show of my appreciation for my Bestest best friend.” Keef glowed as he took the present from the lightly smiling Zim. “Aww! Thanks, Bestest friend ever!” With that he ripped open the packaging while Zim’s soft smile turned razor sharp.

Without the wrapping two mechanical arms popped out and grip onto Keef's eyes with deadly force. Keef screamed in pain, that was thankfully covered by music, as it yanked them out and replaced them with new mechanical ones with red pupils.

Keef stared in front of him as if in a trance as Zim looked over his work. “Who’s your best friend Keef?” and the boy said “Zim” as if he was miles away. ‘Yes the hypnotic suggestion seems to be up and working. Now on to the next step.’ “Keef when I snap my fingers the next thing you see will be your best friend” said Zim as he pointed Keef out of a window in that was above the sink. There a big fluffy squirrel was eating a nut and with a snap of the fingers, to Keef, became his bestest best friend, Zim.

“Zim? What are you doing there? Wait for me!” and with that Zim no longer had to deal with Keef. When he went outside the party was already dwindling to only 10 or so. Zim turned the music up a bit louder and hung out with the stragglers till the last one left at 7. From there he had the computer replace the party stuff with its normal lawn gnomes and such as he walked back into the house. With one final sweep to make sure no bugs or anything had been placed he went down into his lab and decided to just chill for the night.

He deserved it after this mess.

As he closed his eyes to drift in his calm, he thought he could hear Keef asking if he liked waffles

But Zim decided to let that be a problem for tomorrow Zim.

And away he went in his meditation.

Chapter Text

Zim sighed as he turned from his PAK. Maintenance was never fun. Because of how he was connected to the Brains Zim often had to update he PAK to make sure he was always on the up and up for information from his home. Every earth month he made a point to do a simple update on the PAK to make sure he had the newest maps and such. Discoveries were always being made by his fellow Explorers and it was always fun to see how the Brains ranked the new discoveries. Like his books were ranked last on the list last time he checked but they had actually were now above a discovery that Explorer Sul had found.

Why on the great Irk would the Brains need to know what chemical that’s only function was to turn sweat, something they didn’t do, blue? Zim had actually called him to ask only for Sul to laugh. It seems that Sul had found the plant that the chemical came from and it could be used as an emergency bandage. In his haste he had sent the wrong piece of information. Zim and him had a good laugh and had sat around telling each other about their planets. Sul had yet to find a Big Project but he was still an excellent Explorer who was renowned for this plant discoveries while Zim was more about life.

All Explorers had a subconscious focus the Brains had discovered years ago and it helped how the Explorer was assigned. Sul lived for forests and plants that could help and hurt. He alone could boast about 10 different poisons and even more healing creams. While Zim was famous as an infiltrator Explorer who closed his planets fast and with full data banks about the people on the planet.

Thanks to this the Explorers never really felt the need to compete as the Invaders sometimes did. Sure there was sometimes an Infiltrator who wanted to see if they could be faster then Zim but those were rare and far between.

Those Irkens were always caught by the home species more often than not.

Sometimes another Explorer would call and chat about their discoveries or to pick at someone’s PAK to try to understand something. After all, bouncing ideas off of someone else was always happening no matter the species.

Zim was about to put away his tools when an alert went off about an intruder. Without a second hesitation he commanded his PAK back on it rightful place. As he ran to a hover platform, he noted absentmindedly that his earthling disguise was off.

Oh well.

If an earthling had the strength to come into his base, then they had the strength to meet their maker.

Zim comes to the ground level getting ready to attack only to see GIR with a drink and the door wide open.

Again.

“GIR we have talked about this. Many times in fact. You can’t leave the door open like this!”

GIR smiled and said “I got chocolate bubblegum!” He popped open his mouth, which, sure enough, was dripping with chocolate bubblegum to the disgust of Zim. He hated when the SIR did that. It was just so unsanitary!

Zim shivered as he walked the door so he could kick it close. He turned to GIR who was staring into space like he did every so often. Zim could only sigh and wonder why his SIR was so . . . . weird. Prototype or not there should be a line somewhere. “GIR listen to me. There are a lot of beings that want to hurt me. If someone saw what I really looked like then my Big Project will be over and the Tallest will cry. Do you really want the Tallest to cry, GIR?”

GIR shook his head as he stared into space and Zim was done. “I have more maintenance to do so please just. . . . watch TV or something.” As he walked back to the hover platform, he heard something strange.

Clicking?

What on earth was clicking up here? As he thought the door to the platform opened with a almost silent hiss. That why Zim heard it perfectly. Something that turned his goo to ice.

“Oh wow”

That wasn’t GIR.

He turned in a panic only to see a flash come from above him. He stared at Dib. The problem of his mission, the one he chose to be his problem, had just did the impossible. No one had ever had a picture of Zim. Only a few had even known he was on the planet but if you asked them to pull him from a crowd they wouldn’t be able to. He had fooled them all.

Except this earthling child.

Well then.

This just became a hell of a lot more exciting didn’t it?

Before the earthling could say anything Zim yelled “Computer! Intruder alert!”

A wire tentacle with a claw at the end and a clawed mechanical arm emerged from the ceiling on either side of Dib. Zim felt the razor-sharp smile appear on his face as he watched to see what the earthling would do. Dib dropped to the ground right as they lunged at him and hit each other head on. Dib screamed and run to the couch to hid behind it for a small breather. The claws followed behind him and just when they almost got him, he flipped over them then once more over GIR. He jumped out the window, which was open the whole time.

Zim was stuck between being proud of the Earth-. . . . Dib and wanted to throw GIR in a small box for the next hundred years.

Dib stood out the window waving the camera in the air as he called back “Now I have proof, Zim! Photographic evidence! I’m going to tell the world!” Zim just looked at the lawn gnome slowly approach the boy as Dib laughed at his victory. “Soon, your guts will be strewn all over an autopsy table!” Zim just blinked back as he wondered if this impressive boy was going to get out of this one with his camera intact. It was right then that Dib noticed the close gnome who he leapt over to escape into the street.

Zim lifted his hand over his mouth to cover his still sharp smile. Oh Dib. That silly boy had forgot who he was messing with. “Oh Dib boy. You do realize that I don’t have your morals, right? So that means I can do whatever I want to get those pictures.” Zim walked back into the lab as he made his plan to get revenge on Dib.

The next day at school Zim went to classes and acted like everything was fine. Dib stared at him probably wondering why he wasn’t scared out of his mind and Zim just smiled. He did he work, talked to classmates, and even went to lunch all with a smile on his face. At lunch Zim sat with his lunch of peas and what he believed was mac and cheese as the earthlings called it.

All nasty is what Zim called it.

He was about to push it away when Dib appeared next to him slamming a container of milk on the table. Zim flinched away from the few milk splatters because he was not about to find out he was allergic to that in a crowed cafeteria thanks very much. Dib lifted both his hands to ask “Why the hell are you here? You should be curled up in fear somewhere!” Zim just smiled and said “Whatever for Dib? I have nothing to fear.” Dib glared and said, “What the hell does that mean!?”

Zim stood up and said “Oh you’ll find out soon Dib. You’ll find out soon.”

Dib opened his milk carton and guzzled it down sheer frustration as Zim’s smile turned deadly for just a split second.

Soon skool was over and the day was coming to an end.

Zim was in his lab sitting in front of a console that looked like it belonged to a classic arcade game console. He had two screens in front of him that he flipped between every few seconds. One screen showed a living room where a girl was playing video games and the other screen had red long strings and such forming bridges to places Zim didn’t really want to follow right now.

“Ah there we go. If I’m right this nerve right here controls his arm. Come on Dib. I want to see your face as you see how much of an Irken I really am!” Zim’s stared at the screen with the living room just waiting for Dib to walk in. ‘Come on, come on! I’m ready to play when you are!’

Zim could feel his smile becoming wider as he could almost taste the chaos he was about to unleash.

Many thought Explorers were just book worm like beings, but they were so much more. Explorers were a strange mix of feral and civilized but no one ever knew about the feral way without death being involved. They loved causing mayhem and trouble like any Irken but were more like to dig in deep to find out what would cause the most drama.

It was so much fun!!

Zim put a hand to his chest as he felt like he was vibrating out of his skin. The boy, Dib, was the only one to come close to exposing him. No one had ever cause Zim to panic like the boy did yesterday and Zim.

Zim was just so excited!

This Dib.

He was different and Zim couldn’t wait to find out what more he could do.

Zim laughed as he thought how he was about to play with the little human’s mind. He felt like an earthling’s pet cat who just had a feather waved in front of its face. Now Zim was going to destroy the feather but the question was if the boy was going to be destroyed as well.

“Come on Dib! Lets do this round so I can see how you counter!”

Just after he said that he noticed the boy come into the room with a letter he was putting a stamp on.

Game on!

Chapter Text

Zim leaned back making a point to keep a finger on the button he needed to mess this boy up. He watched at the boy had stars in his eyes as he talked about having his own episode on some TV show. Zim just tiled his head and hit the button.

On the screen Dib frowns as he sees his right arm start to wiggle without any thought from him.

Zim just closes his hands on the controls and start to move the joy sticks with quick movements.

Dib watched with a confused frown at his arms started to move in earnest. Left, right, and everywhere. It even started to bump into Gaz's head as she played her Game Slave. Which caused a fair more bit of anxiety then what was happening because Gaz would kill him. “Remember earlier the whole 'bugging me' thing? You're doing it again” She said with deadly intent. Dib tried to throw himself away from her but nothing was working!

“I'm not doing this, Gaz! I don't have control of my arms!”

Zim went “Aww! He says he can’t control his arms Earthling. Feel bad for him. It’s not like someone else has any control oh ho ho wait.” He then jerked the levers down with his razor-sharp smile back firmly in place.

Dib's arms grabbed the envelope and ripped it in in the middle so that the disk with Zim's picture would fall onto his lap. Dib's arms stop wiggling around, each holding one half of the envelope. He stared and wondered what on earth was going on. “Why the hell would I do that?”

Gaz walked away as to not deal with her brother.

Dib drops the envelope halves without a care as he stared at the floppy disk. Dib grunted as his arms started to move by themselves again. His right arm grabbed the disk with an almost unforgiving grip.

Dib's television then goes to static and shows Zim in the cockpit of some kind. He didn’t have his disguise on so Dib got a full frontal of a being he had only ever seen at a distance. His skin was a smooth soft green from the top of his head to where his clothes met his body. He was wearing his normal skool clothes only the gloves that normally had the five fingers of humans now only had three. But what caught Dib the most was Zim’s eyes.

They looked like red rubies only they seemed to glow with some kind of inner fire. Dib had never seen someone’s eyes do that before, so he had no defense against it. Dib was the son of a world-famous scientist, so he had seen many beautiful people in all kinds of shapes, and he had never really glanced at any of them. It was one reason this town thought he was a local weirdo. After all, if you were able to meet someone who people had voted the most beautiful man or woman of the year shouldn’t you blush or something?

But Dib never did.

He figured that he couldn’t find anyone beautiful. He focused on his work and left it at that. But now he sees that wasn’t the case.

He needed to see something he never saw before. He needed something that intrigued him and stopped him. Suddenly he understood the kids in his class when they went off about some actor’s eyes or something. Because he suddenly got what they meant by window to the soul.

Zim was fire, thought Dib with his mind distant. He was strength and heat. He could keep someone warm as he showed with his little pet or he could burn someone to death as he was showing Dib right now.

Zim was coming after him and was going to burn him to cinders and Dib. . . .

Dib could feel the way his mouth into a dark grin as he wondered how the alien was going to do it.

Zim felt the grin on his face get even wider. The Dib boy wanted to see what Zim would do in revenge? Alright. Let’s go boy. Without a word he hit a button to make Dib’s hand crush the disk. While Dib’s eyebrow ticked, he just turned and asked “So how are you doing this? Controlling my arm.”

A view popped up on the screen next to Zim’s picture to show inside Dib's body where a small looking submarine with a claw was attached to some kind of nerve.

“You? You’re inside my body right now?” asked Dib not really knowing what to think. Zim just turned and said “No that would be foolish. I don’t want to kill you so how would I get out? Probably in a disgusting way I’m sure. So I have hidden myself away and made you swallow a small robot I can control to mess you up.”

“When?”

Zim grinned and said “Do you remember today how you came up to bug me in skool?” Dib nodded with wondering look on his face as was going back to think what could have been the way he got the robot inside of him. “You had an open carton of milk when you walked up to me. Why did you have to open it again when I walked away?” Dibs eyes went wide as he understood. “You switched the milk?” Zim snickered as he said “Yep. And I know you probably have copies somewhere but don’t worry. I’ll take care of that in a few moments.”

Dib leaned forward as he couldn’t help the rush of excitement going through him.

“How? Its not like there is a truth nerve where I’ll tell you.”

Zim laughed as he said “Dib-Dib-Dib. I’m literally playing with your nerves right now. Whats gonna stop me from going up to the human brain and rewriting a few parts. Like your memory and making you forget where the disk is? And even better I might play a little with other things? Maybe I can play doctor with your personality and make you into a barbie? That would be funny I think”

With that Zim disappeared from the screen and Dib was left with a strange feeling in his belly even as he screamed “NO!”

Zim wouldn’t do that to him was his thought as he ran to his father. Their game was only just beginning. This would be to terrible easy of a win for the alien. So that meant that while Zim was going to get rid of the memories of the disk there was no way he would alter Dib that much.

Where would the fun be?

Zim was coasting through the bodies nerves just going around. To be a bit of a jerk he placed Irken flags at random times around. If Dib ever saw this Zim knew he would be screaming with rage and that was enough to make Zim laugh like he was dying.

And Zim was right.

“AHHH! I’m so going to get you! AHH!” screamed Dib in rage as he followed the path of flags.

On Zim’s end he wiped the tears from his eyes so he could start moving again only for an incoming transmission to appear on his screen. He was about to wipe it away thinking it was the Tallest he could call back soon, but something stopped him.

It was that feeling again.

The feeling that Zim had labeled as simply ‘Dib’.

He answered the call and wasn’t disappointed to see Dib looking back at him with his own controls in his hand. Zim felt a smile appear as he took in this determined boy who refused to roll over and die. ‘Good on you earth boy so now show me what you’re going to do.’

“Guess who's right behind you, Zim” said a grinning Dib as he was able to now see Zim’s ship. “Oh little earthling boy? You do realize I’ve been flying things like this my whole life, yes? So let’s see who’s the better flyer? The earthling who has played a few games or the Irken who has survived asteroid belts?” And with that Zim pulled some fast maneuvering around the tissue around him. He laughed as he saw Dib follow him, a bit clumsy granted, but still follow his path.

As they played their game of cat and mouse, he noticed Gaz had entered the room. She seemed to think this was some online game that they were playing together and Zim could only sigh.

Earthlings could be amazing he knew from the ones like Dib but sometimes they just seemed to write off the obvious to make it work into their world view.

Suddenly Dib hit the back of Zim's ship throwing it off course and making it scrap against the spleen. He watched Dib flail in pain as he fell off the sofa. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to do that but oh well. Hurry it up Dib! I’m about to hit your trachea and that means I’m just that much closer to your brain!”

“Oh yeah!? Then take this!” Dib then attached his ship to a wall and breathed in nice and deep. This meant the Zim’s ship was sent rolling all around with no stop point but Zim had enough control to slam Dib’s ship off the wall. Soon they were in a free spot feeling a bit dizzy but still able to finish this battle. Zim grinned as he hit a button on the sand of his console. “Enough already! Prepare for some doom!” was all Dib heard as his ship turned into a humanoid robot. Each of its hands formed a ball of electricity. The bot clapped the hands together to make one big ball of energy which disappeared as the transformation was completed.

Dib felt his jaw loosen a bit as he saw this. Damn. Apparently, you had to be an alien to get all the cool things.

After all, Dib was one of those kids that wanted a transforming robot and knowing it was so close but not his? Damn.

Before he could get to far into his thoughts Gaz said “Quarter circle back." “What?” was all Dib could manage out. “The transformation move. It’s always quarter circle back” was Gaz’s answer and Dib wanted to scream. If he found out transforming robots were a thing but his dad had only made them for the tiny robot he was going to be pissed.

Dib turned the joystick and guess what? Dib was so pissed and promised he was going to scream at his dad later.

The man had the hidden robots from his own son for over 14 years.

There was so going to be yelling later!

Soon the battle was on, but Dib’s inexperience was showing. Dib would try to punch or dodge but Zim would just escape and come after him in a flurry of punches that were slowly but surely taking his health down.

Zim just sighed “I’m sorry Dib boy but this is the end now. I need that disk and that means I need to stop you now. Bye bye.” He then fired a spear into the nerve that controlled Dib’s arms.

“AH! No! My arms are like noodles!” Dib could only stare as his arms started to flop around instead of doing their damned jobs. Gaz finally had enough and shoved him out of the way as she said, “It's my turn now.”

With that she took the controls and went after the other bot.

Zim flew all the way up to the brain with no problem. He looked around and thought that it was strangely beautiful here. He watched as a bright line of light flowed from the brain through one of the connectors and couldn’t help but smile. The boy was unable to stop him and yet he still thought. Zim knew that if the boy could move then the way up here would have been much harder.

Because the earthling known as Dib was a force to be reckoned with.

He was not going to kneel and surrender. Even if Zim had the boy beaten to death he just knew that the boy would be glaring till the end. Dib Membrane was the only human Zim had truly found worth in. His mind alone was amazing. He was a boy beyond his time and no one saw. It was enough to drive the Irken to drink but he was having to much fun.

Dib Membrane was one of the main reasons Zim loved this planet.

And now Zim had to make sure he could stay on this planet was his thought as the program finally located the spot where Dib’s memory of the disk was kept. Zim smirked as he piloted to the spot and powered up the blast, he needed to terminate the memory. The bot shot an energy beam from its hands at Dib's brain.

Dib started to twitch as he said “He's in my head... knowledge, losing...... brain...... poop” and Zim watched the loading bar closely to make sure nothing was truly harmed.

After all this would be a terrible way to win his little war with Dib.

Zim sat back with a hum as that was taken care of. He knew that the drones he had made were looking over Dib’s room to find the disk but figured getting rid of the knowledge was just a little scare tactic he could do. It was good to remind Dib that he wasn’t an earthling.

Zim had his own set of morels and that meant the game had different rules then what Dib was expecting.

Just as Zim was about to make a decision he saw Dib’s bot appear and felt that sharp smile of his return. “Well well. Go you little earthling. Being able to find help in this small-time frame. Good luck earthling.”

With that he turned ready to start the new round. Gaz's bot swerved underneath Zim's and uppercuts him hard in the face. Zim felt his controls shake as he tries to get his bearings back. Zim's bot flew into a tube coming out from the brain and gets shocked. Zim had to take his hands off the console as he felt every shock that the bot experienced.

This proved to be his downfall.

Just as he was about to make his bot get up, Gaz appeared making her bot kick Zim's in the head twice. It bounced into the wall and back at Gaz’s bot where she kicked it into the brain leaving a grove or two.

In response Dib screamed and started to wiggle around in pain. He bit off part of the couch and banged his head on the arm of the couch.

Finally, he just rolled off the couch in what seemed to be a faint.

Gaz continued to pummel Zim’s bot with hers as she complained about him not even trying and in truth he wasn’t. Zim had simply taken his hands off the controls to let the beating happen. The bot was something he threw together in one night and it didn’t have a lot of work done to it if he was honest. There was only two weapons and the armor was a joke. He just didn’t expect to have to fight like this, so he knew that he counter her like this.

He just let it happen as he watched Dib go through his fit. It was entertaining at least thought Zim.

He watched as the bot was destroyed and then saw Dib regain his arm controls again. He sighed as the boy did his little test to make sure he had full use of his arms. A computer to his right pinged as he the drones let him know the disk had been found and destroyed without any damage to Dib’s things. It was a good thing to have an idea on where Dib’s hiding spots were in case something like this happened again.

Zim turned to the boy who was now laughing at the use of his arms and Zim couldn’t help the fond smile on his face. “Well Dib boy it seems you won this round.” He paused to watch as the boy made a smug smile and couldn’t help the little evil laugh he let loose in response. “Good luck getting the flags out along with the robot bits. Have fun with that.”

He then cut Dib’s view of him as that registered with the boy. He leaned closer with a smile so he could watch that realization sink in. He broke down into a laughter that made tears fall down his face at the cursing and screams that the boy released.

Yes.

Zim was so glad the earth was his planet.

Chapter Text

Sometimes Zim loved going to class.

Yes he was light years ahead of the whole school thanks to the download the PAK did on basic classes like history and English but what made class so great was science and such. There were so many mistakes that sometimes it took all Zim had to not die of laughing. It was so entertaining to hear the primitive answers earth had came up with the explain the world around them!

Only today was not the case.

Ms. Bitters had been droning on for an hour about nothing LITERALLY!

She had gotten on the topic of the big bang. So now she had been going on and on that nothing was here before the bang, using everything as an example from students to the squirrel who Zim was fairly sure had died of boredom a long time ago. He was staring at the clock pretty much begging it to hurry up and click to the bell. When it got stuck, he was about to scream in pure frustration when it started moving again.

Victory!

Zim was about to jump out and leave with the rest of the students when Ms. Bitters said “Don't forget that tonight is parent-teacher night. Everyone is required to bring their parents to the cafeteria.” Zim stops and tilted his head in confusion. Parent-teacher night? It sounded simple enough. The parents met with the teachers, yes? Maybe to see how the children were doing with their work loads and to ask teachers about the children. But Zim was fairly sure he never heard about this before. He walked back to his teacher to ask about it when she told him he had already agreed to attend the night.

Zim just blinked back in confusion.

She sighed as if he had asked her why humans needed air to breath and in a phantom-like swoop, went back to her desk. She opened a drawer and pulled out a disk which she placed into the computer on her desk. She grabbed the mouse and clicked away till she came to the right folder. Zim just stared as the blackboard opened up in a way Zim never knew it could to reveal a view screen. The view screen then played a recording of Zim sitting in class messing around with a pencil.

He heard Ms. Bitters ask if he was going to bring his parents to parent-teacher night? He blinked as he watched as the other Zim take the pencil off his lips so he could give her a “Yeah, sure, whatever” without even considering the question. Then the blackboard returned to normal as he looked up at a security camera hanging from the ceiling. The first thing he could think to ask was “Why would you tape that?”

As he stared gob smacked at the camera, he felt Dib walk up to his shoulder and ask “You sure are putting up a lot of fight for something as simple as parent-teacher night, Zim. Any reason why? Maybe because you have no idea what those are?” Zim just shooed him away with a waved hand as he said “Of course I do!”

With that he flounced out of the room making sure to bump into Dib.

Zim knew what parents were. He knew that they were the caregivers of human Smeets. That the two combining in a barbaric ritual that made a small human Smeet. They then raised the Smeet and let it go into the world when it reached a certain age that seemed to change from family to family.

Zim closed his eyes as he remembered a zap, cold floor, and a voice saying “Welcome.” He remembered Irkens walking in and out of his life making sure that the Smeets were alive. So if someone asked Zim could say he did have parents. Maybe there was no birth but he remembered the voice of the robot, of the warm claws of Cak giving him a new PAK, of Tallest Miyuki showing him the universal map telling him his mission.

Maybe he didn’t have a mother or father he thought as he walked the streets looking at the families around him. He never knew the stories the children were told. He never had a warm hand rub away the pain after an injury. He never felt that constant love that parents were met to give their children. Maybe he never had and never will have that.

So what?

Zim smiled as he walked on to his street as he thought ‘I had better’.

He had better in finding people who cared. For an Invader life was so short. Even Explorers were expected to pass on missions as they worked for their empire. In his youth he had comrades who worked beside him everyday of his life. In later years he had formed a confidently strong relationship with the previous Tallest. He gained friends who he could trust with his life, something very few Irkens could have, thanks to Purple and Red. Now he was trusted with helping his empire with new discoveries and such.

So what if he never had a father or mother?

Zim thinks he turned out well!

Zim walked into his home and summoned the mother and father unit that the computer made for him. He had been upgrading them, thankfully, after he had learned that sometimes humans would come to other human’s house. While he didn’t think he would have ‘friends’ come over there were door to door salespeople along with neighbors he learned from earthen TV. It seemed to help keep people off his back if they saw his parents but who knows with these people.

“Come. We have work to do” and brought them to his lab. He strapped them to tables and said “For safety I’m only going to bring one unit. Hmm, I think I’ll take mother unit. I have only recently updated her so she should be ready before this event begins.” With that he went to the computer and found the information on child raising along with that being a businesswoman entailed.

He had told the school his mother and father were business people who left for a week or so at a time. While they were gone he had a minder AKA the computer so they knew that when they called there was a chance his parents wouldn’t answer. Until he upgraded them they weren’t really allowed to interact with the humans.

“Well it seems we are going to have to ignore that rule tonight.” With that Zim got to work with downloading facts into mother unit and changing her outer case to the appearance he saw on TV for the normal businesswoman. While he was working he received a call from the Tallest.

“Zim! How goes the project?” called out Red as Purple sipped away at his drink. Zim never looked away from his work but had a small smile as he said “Eh it goes. Tonight, I have something called parent teacher meetings, so I have to fix at least one unit to go.” Red and Purple had heard everything that had happened to Zim so far. The things Zim had seen and done had entertained them so much they called at least once a week. It wasn’t rare to hear the Tallest laughing at the life of earth and the situations that happened to their Explorer.

“Parent teacher meetings? What is that?” asked Purple as he finished his drink. He threw it right at his table's, Bob, head and never even glanced as Bob fell from the platform. Zim just glanced up to make sure one of the Tallest didn’t fall then went back to work. “Hmm, if I try to explain it I would have to use the idea that Tallest would have had a problem with us and then complain to Cak who would punish us.” Red and Purple looked at each other confusedly and asked “But wouldn’t their Tallest just punish them? Why involve the caretaker?” Zim looked up lightly banging his wrench on his left hand as he said “I believe it is to make sure the caretaker knows the child is being punished and why. Then, it is hoped, the caretaker will continue the punishment so it will be around the clock as the human saying goes.” Red popped in and asked “So the ‘children’, I think the name is, will not be terminated for being disobedient?” Zim shook his head and said “Well the human race is primitive. Their females hold the Smeet for 9 earth months in their stomach area. It wouldn’t sound to odd to think they come to care for the parasite that lies within them for so long. It takes so long to birth one earthen Smeet to replace it, just sounds like a hassle.”

Purple and Red nodded along with the Irkens who were in the room. If a human could only have one child at a time, it must be such a nuisance to replace it. They must pour all their time and resources on the thing in hopes it becomes something of worth. Purple sighed and said “How unfortunate. To care for something that hasn’t even proven it’s worth.”

“So you have to go to the meeting with one of your units?” asked a curious Red as Zim went back to work on the fixing it’s casing. “Yes. Due to the time limit I can only fix one so father is on a business trip and mother is going in his place. It should be fine.”

Zim chatted to Red and Purple before it was time to run a test on mother unit. He hung up the call and ‘woke’ her up. She blinked and slowly sat up like she had woken from a long sleep. “Good morning son. How are you today?” Zim nodded as he looked at a pad telling him her vitals for lack of better word. “I am fine. Mother what is your name and occupation?” She did a small laugh and said “Silly Zim. I am Molly and work at a small business that focuses on helping mom and pop stores. Thanks to that I’m always busy but me and your father do our best to be there for you always.”

“Hmm, I see” with that Zim started to quiz her about her job, earth, and even a few implanted memories of Zim as a Smeet in case anyone asked. So far everything was checking out and with an hour so to spare Zim thought as he glanced at the human clock on the wall. With that he placed her back into sleep mode to finish up that last odds and ends.

Soon the clock rung that it was time to go and the mother unit was standing by the door. She checked her new silver watch that was normally hidden under the sleeves of her form fitting dark purple blazer. Her black pumps tapped impatiently at the floor of the lab. She sighed then patted down her matching purple straight leg as she called out “Son? We have to leave soon if we want to get there on time. She glanced at the mirror next to the door to check her dark purple lipstick was still perfect along with the light blush and mascara. She flicked a long strand of blue hair over her shoulder as Zim walked into the living room with GIR under his arm only for the bot to be placed on the sofa.

“Now GIR I want you to stay up here, just to make sure no one interrupts father’s learning. It is AMAZINGLY important that he sits in his lessons, so I want you to just be here ok? Have fun GIR.” With that he patted GIR on the head and wondered out the door with mother unit. She glanced back at the house and said, “father unit is going to have problems when we come back isn’t he?” Zim didn’t even glance up as he said “Yep. But that’s a problem for the future Zim. Tonight’s mission: Get through the night without letting anyone who isn’t the Dib find out who we are. Understood?” Mother unit’s eyes flashed a deep red as she said “Yes Master.”

Soon they entered the cafeteria that was made into the party area. Zim looked around to see classmates and others run around without a single adult saying a word. He sighed as he wondered where his bat of a teacher was when he saw Dib standing with his sister and a monitor with who Zim had to guess was their father. ‘I could have done that? Damn. All that work rushed when I could have just brought a phone or something?’ Zim could feel the twitch coming as he stared at the monitor now speaking with a teacher from the school.

Zim couldn’t help the small snicker as he heard the Professor telling someone not to mix something then a boom. He glanced at the mushroom cloud that was coming from a distance in the window behind the teacher and just smirked as he found his teacher. He wondered over to Ms. Bitters and said “Father has a business trip while luckily Mother was able to delay hers. Now I’m going to get some punch”. With that he walked away with Mother unit following.

Soon he came to the refreshment table and wondered what was safe to eat. Mother unit leaned over a picked up a brownie and handed it to him. “It may not be the most filling but it will help your allergies, son.” Zim said “Thanks” as he thought ‘It is a wonderful idea to install the food scanner in them. Thank you Tallest for the idea.’ Zim was happily chewing when all of a sudden a menacing “Hello Zim” came from behind him. He looked over only to see Gaz eating something, Dib holding a drink, and the Professor once again back on his monitor.

Zim finished up his food and said “Dib” while nodding then went on to say “Membranes” as he rose a cup to the others. He felt Mother unit pat his back lightly as she said “Hello everyone! I’m Molly Zim’s mother!”

Dib stared at her clearly wondering where she came from then turned to his father. “Dad, there's somebody I want you to meet. This is Zim. You know, the alien.” Zim made a point to roll his eyes as looked at the Professor. He watched as the man rubbed his chin and hum as he asked “And what country is the little green boy from?” Zim smiled and said “It is a tic tack sized town in Europe, around Denmark. So small everyone knows everyone since birth, you know? Well mother and father got a job offer so we moved.” The Professor nodded as he said “I see. And how are you liking the city?” Zim laughed with a hand covering his mouth. “Oh this city is something! I’m still learning the ins and outs so if you see me walking down a street: worry. I could be a bit lost.” Gaz snickered as the Professor laughed along much to Dib’s obvious rage. Zim tipped his imaginary hat as he seen others do on TV and said “Sorry guys but I have to walk mother around. She wants to meet everyone but first”. Zim just leaned over and bopped the bottom of Dib’s cup so his face was covered in punch much to the amusement of Gaz.

He walked over to his mother unit who had wondered over to the Slunchy family who seemed to be going on and on about their son, Billy. He looked like he was waiting for the world to end him right there when Zim walked up and asked “Whats going on over here?” Billy looked over with glassy eyes as Mongo patted his back as he said “Mom is going on about him and it won’t stop so he is embarrassed. But upside there are no photos being shown.”

That’s when they looked up to see the wallet come out with the photos. Billy broke down in tears as his mother started showing photos like when he was kicked off the soccer team. Zim watched in a good bit of hilarity and a small bit of sympathy as Mongo tried to cheer him up only to make it worse.

Zim’s mother unit tried to make it better by saying “Sports aren't everything. I'm sure your boy will find... something he's good at. After all, Zim is amazing at math but he doesn’t really like art. It doesn’t mean he’s bad, just one less talent then someone who he may meet one day.” Zim sighed because he didn’t know if that was an insult or not. He would bet the computer would download something like that into mother unit and father unit just for kicks.

“Please have a cookie. My wife made them fresh” said Billy’s father as he handed over a chocolate chip cookie. Zim’s eye twitched as he wondered how he could intervene fast because Zim hadn’t installed a stomach! He didn’t expect the parents to eat at this thing!

Before he could say anything, mother unit smiled sadly and said “I’m sorry. I’m jumping on a plane right after we leave and as a little good luck to myself, I don’t eat till I’m back on the ground. It seems silly but it’s my own little good luck to myself because I just hate planes.” The Slunchys asked where she was going as they, thankfully, put the plate down on. Mother unit explained that she had to go to California for a week or so two overlook a deal. “Thankfully Stu is going to be home by tomorrow morning so Zim won’t be lonely. Just in case I have Becky, our babysitter, watching tonight just so Zim isn’t on his own in the house.” They nodded as if they understood and Zim just sighed in relief.

So far so good!

Zim walked over to Ms. Bitters with mother unit when Dib came up to him. Mother unit continued past him to the teacher as he stopped to speak with Dib. He sipped from his punch as Dib observed his mother unit and asked “So who is this lady?” Zim glanced around and saw no one was close enough to overhear so he answered truthfully.

“By your terms I believe you would call her a robot or AI. My knowledge added to the template I was given were the keys to making her.” Dib nodded as they watched her chat and laugh with other parents in silence. Then Zim felt cold liquid being dumped over his head. Without a word Zim looked at the boy next to him who had a small smile and empty cup. “I needed a little justice for earlier.” Zim nodded and said in return “I’m going to get you tomorrow.” Dib nodded and said “Sounds fun. See ya tomorrow.”

Zim shrugged and walked up to his mother unit. They watched as some parents were reduced to tears over how their child was doing and some started to do the river dance? Zim made an educated guess that their kids were doing great. After an hour or so Zim sighed and said “Ok, it is time to head home. Maybe father is home?” Mother unit nodded and said “Yes. I wonder what he has taken away from this trip.” With that Zim and mother unit left the Skool without a hitch. As soon as the door to the house closed mother unit closed down and Zim sighed in relief of taking off his disguise.

He wondered down to the lab to take a look at father unit only to stop and stare.

His father unit was hopping around making a strange sound along with alarming sparks. He turned to the loading screen only to see GIR’s blasted angry monkey making the same sound on the main computer. So instead of a father he now had a monkey as a caregiver.

“GIR!”

Sometimes getting up in the morning was just not worth it!

Chapter Text

Zim sighed as he placed his tool down. After being in this city for a few months Zim had realized that GIR’s guidance systems were messed up. He would ask GIR to bring him to the post office to see what they did and GIR would bring him to some restaurant. After the last time he was brought to the taco place instead of something simple like the skool Zim was done.

He picked back up his welding tool only for Gir to shoot out of the trash entrance into the lab. As he ran around being his nutty little self Zim was doing his best to ignore him as he did the final touches to the chip. When it was done he turned to watch his little SIR run in circles all around the lab. He waited till GIR was about to hit a chute then grabbed him to pop open his head much to GIR’s whining. Zim made a point to stay near the chute because who knew what on Irk GIR kept in there.

He was so glad when he saw the beehive.

“NOPE! Not dealing with that!” yelled Zim as he threw it into the chute where the computer would evict the damned demon bugs. “Ah! My bees!” cried GIR as he saw his friends disappear from sight. Zim sighed as he said “It’s okay GIR. You can have more friends later. Just stop trapping the poor things in your head. That is a very delicate place and if they break something, they will feel very guilty.”

GIR gasped dramatically as if Zim hadn’t made this same point at least 6 times since he discovered what GIR was doing. This bot! One day he was going to reprogram the whole SIR just to see what would happen. “Now stay still. I need to reinstall your guidance systems box.” GIR started shouting “I don’t need it! I don’t need it” as loud as he could in retaliation.

Zim sighed as he popped open GIR’s head and said “Well maybe you don’t need it but I do. No hold still.” After a minute or so Zim closed GIR’s head and turned back to the computer. “Ok it should be up and functional now. With the upgrades, GIR, there will be nothing that you cannot find, no situation that you cannot guide us out of.” Zim doble checked the information on the computer then said “Report upgrade status.”

GIR jumped up from the floor in a perfect salute and said in the deep voice Zim came to think of a serious GIR, “Guidance chip in place and fully functional, Master.” Zim nodded as he looked at the reading coming from the chip a final time to make sure everything was up and ready. Zim then jumped up on to his worktable and pulled up a small program that told him the directions of random places to ask GIR. He flicked through the list and said “Demonstrate. Which way is the Skool from here?” GIR started to move his face around at a quick pace till he pointed to the Skool perfectly.

Zim could feel a small proud smile start as he asked where planet Blorch was. GIR turned his head again only to point to his upper left. “Very good GIR. Final destination. Where is our home world Irk?” GIR moved his finger only a smidge and Zim was laughing. “Yes! It works! No we will no longer get lost while exploring the town and city! Excellent work GIR!” He placed the computer down and hoped off the worktable to turn back to the monitor on the wall right behind him, not noticing GIR walking to the monitor next to him that was playing static.

“Let's go into the nearby city and get as lost as we can. Then you lead us back to the base as the ultimate test!” Using the monitor he pulled up footage of the city that was a few miles away and turned to show GIR only to find out that GIR was staring at his monkey show instead of listening to Zim. ‘Oh look. I thought the eye twitch was gone. Welcome back old friend’ thought Zim as he rubbed at his eye in hopes of stopping the damnable twitching.

Zim clasped his hands together like he was in prayer as he sighed. “Listen GIR” said Zim as he picked his companion off the floor. “This is important. Like super duper amazingly important. I need you to help me not get lost on this planet because if I do I could end up never coming home.” GIR gasped as he asked “Never ever?” Zim nodded with the most serious face he could. “Yes GIR. I could end up getting sick and dying and you know what that means?” GIR had his hand clasped in front of his mouth shaking his head no even if he looked all shocked. ‘This thing is going to be the death of me’ sighed Zim as he said “It means no more monies for Tacos and such. It means no more TV. It means no more scary monkey show.” GIR yanked himself out of Zim’s arms to dramatically punch his hand on the floor screaming “NOOOOO!”

Zim could only sigh and think ‘I really need to limit his TV intake.’ He looked at the still screaming robot and asked, “Almost done?” GIR stopped for a moment to say “Almost!” and went back to screaming “No” for another minute or so before sitting up and saying, “I’m done now.”

Zim nodded and said “To stop all those terrible things I’m played around with your chip. Now you will make sure we will never get lost again. So we are going to go into the city, get lost, and then you will bring us back to the base. Understand so far, GIR?” Gir hummed to show he was listening but Zim just stared at him. “Can you tell me what I just said to you?” GIR just smiled and shook his head no with a happy hum.

Zim sighed and said “Whatever. Come on we are going to the city. And no cheating! Shut your chip off first.” GIR turned to his show saying “Right now, Master? But I want to watch my show. Please Master?” Zim picked him up, along with his doggy suit, and said “No. the detestable monkey will be here when we return. Think of it as incentive for a fast return.” With that they left the Lab.

When they stepped out Gir was in his little doggy suit while Zim was trying out a new disguise since he actually had time to make it. His skin was a peach color with long gray hair that fell around his shoulders. A pink hat with a white flower covered the top of his head. His contact lens had been changed to a brown color along with a white beard that changed his entire face shape. A brown trench coat covered a dark red shirt and black pants that lightly covered a pair of converse shoes completed his look. At GIR’s glance Zim said “I am trying to look like the homeless man for he seems to be normal in the city. Along with a dog no one will even glance at me.”

Gir nodded as if he really understood but this was Gir. There was a good chance he hadn’t heard a word.

Soon they started the long trek to the city.

After an hour or so they were in the very heart of the city. They glanced around taking in the city and all the strange sights. Hotdog stands, humans on cell phones, and the fast pace made this place so very different from the earth they had understood so far. They followed the traffic till they came to an alley way were they could safely take a breather from all the hustle and bustle going on around them. Zim looked up at the sky taking in a deep calming breath then turning to his GIR who was sniffing at some trash.

“Attention GIR. It is time to go home. Now lead us back to the base.”

GIR looked up a bit worried. He then pointed up to the confusion of Zim till he realized GIR was pointing to Irk. He smiled as he said “No GIR. I meant our base, that home.” Zim watched as his eyes darted around and then pointed at the ground.

Now Zim was getting confused.

“Our HOUSE, GIR. Which direction is our house?” asked Zim as he watched GIR get more flustered. GIR then pointed to the street they had come from as he said “Um, that way.” He then looks around again before saying “No, wait, um, it's over there” and then pointing in a completely different direction. Zim rubbed his forehead and asked “GIR what is going on? I just installed your upgraded guidance system.” GIR looked away rubbing the back of his head as he said “I may have kinda left that at home.”

Zim paused for a moment then asked “Left what at home?” He could feel the disbelief coming along with the feeling of ‘why am I surprised?’ They had worked on that chip for over two days and now GIR had removed it? Why? Just why?

GIR glanced back at Zim then looked away at the trash he was sniffing before as he said “The chippy thingy. Yeah that.” Zim wanted to scream but instead took a deep breath trying freak out on his little companion. How were they going to get back home? Oh sweet Irk he was never going to live this down when he reported to Red and Purple later.

“GIR. Why did you take the chip out?” ask Zim with a forcefully calm voice. GIR got that smile of his as he popped open his head so he could pull out a cupcake. “To make room for my CUPCAKE!” Then proceeded to chomp away at it as fast as he could till he could just sit there licking away at the wrapper. Zim watched this with an empty mind until he slapped himself out of it mentally.

“Ok. We are in trouble. Without that chip we have no way to find our ways home. And do you remember what that means, GIR?” GIR sat there staring up at Zim for a minute till he remembered the talk about no more things GIR loved. Zim stared as the robot’s eyes as he teared up. Zim rubbed his eyes and said “Ok, alright. I can see that you understand your mistake and me being angry will get us no closer to home. So I just have to think of a way for us to get home.”

Zim walked over to a trash can and started to look for scarp metal and such. After finding what he needed he started to get to work. After a minute or so he had a workable compass. “Explorers are meant to always be able to find their way. So lets first try to find north because I know for a fact that the house in a north west from the way we walked. At least before all those turns we took.” Zim murmured that last part as he took a look. He stared as he turned left and right but north moved to. So he looked right behind him to see GIR staring blankly at him. Zim walked closer to GIR only for the compass to fly out of his hands and right at GIR.

Zim could only stare as the compass attached itself to GIR’s head.

“Ok so that was a failure. We need a new plan.” Zim then grabs the compass and tossed it back into the garbage can. GIR looked up at a sigh and pointed so Zim turned only to see ‘Information Center’. Zim sighed as he said “That’s more for that building then people asking random questions. They would never help us. Good try GIR.” He patted GIR’s head much to the delight of GIR.

Zim looked around the street only to see a man getting on the bus. “Hmm. There is an idea. I know from my research the bus works like a hive. So even if that bus isn’t the one we need another will travel to our house. But you need monies! Where on earth can we get monies for the bus?”

Zim led GIR to a nearby park to get away from the city for a moment to think. There he saw acts people were doing to get monies. One man is eating a snake while another plays a guitar, a hobo has a sign that says ‘will stop screaming for food’. Someone spins around on a mat in what Zim knows as ‘break-dancing’ here on earth, and another has bees all over his face while the last is a man juggling. Zim hums as he thinks of an act of his own that he can do with limited materials and not a copy of another’s act.

Zim sighs as he thinks the only one left is to mime.

He hates mimes. They are just so creepy. The only reason he has that talent is because of a planet named Silence by the Tallest Spork. No one could speak for the gases in the atmosphere was deadly if taken in by the mouth. Evolution had made it that if they breathed in though the nose they were fine for some reason. Zim had the theory that the chamber that translated the gas into normal air was only so big or their mouth just bypassed the chamber all together.

That had been one of his hardest assignments because of the surgery he had to go through to install a fake chamber in his body. Then he had to have his mouth sealed shut from the inside to make sure that he never spoke. Lucky the PAK took care of food and such because there was nothing he could consume. It took him a month to give the information on the planet and that planet was where the Irkens discovered a good few chemical components that could be used in anything from medicine to weapons.

It was on that planet that Zim had learned to mime better then most earthlings. So Zim found an empty spot on the walk, took off his hat and coat, and started to mime. He did basic things like the box and windy day but started to add more. GIR got the idea and started to walk like a windup toy much to the happiness of the children walking by.

After an hour or so of this Zim looked down to see a good bit of change. He counted out over ten dollars in random quarters and such. Zim looked up with a smile as he said “Not bad for an hour or so. Come on GIR. Time to find us a bus.”

Zim wondered off with GIR dancing next to him. As they found a bus stop Zim was reading the stops and wondered which one would get them home. Only to see a mother and her baby come up to the bus stop. Without a moment hesitation he grabbed GIR and took off down the street.

There was not going to be any eaten babies today! No thank you!

Soon they stopped and looked up at a tall building. “Hmm. If we can go up then I can see where the house is. Then it is just a case of finding a cab.” As he walked closer to start scaling the side a policeman screams “LOOK IT’S HIM! HE IS BACK FOR MORE MONEY!” ‘What?’ thought Zim as he realized everyone was looking at him. The cops coming running after him as he screamed.

He ran to a door that lead up the stairs to the roof and started running with the legs from his PAK as fast as he could. He grabbed GIR and carried him along to make sure he wasn’t left behind. They made it to the roof only to scream as the PAK legs jumped off the roof.

Luckily, the legs grabbed onto the ledge, holding them to the building.

“Ok so the way wee need to go is. . . .” Zim looked around and saw where the city was thinning out from city to suburbs. He pointed it out to GIR and said “There! If we can get there we should be able to better tell where the town is and where the base is! Lets go!” He climbed on to GIR and took off before a helicopter that was circling could get them.

Sadly, while they outran the cops they lost fuel before they reached the end of the city.

Zim really wanted to cry.

Zim crawled out of the dumpster that had acted as an emergency landing pad feeling dirty and maybe a bit defeated. He turned to see GIR lift his head up, with an empty box of Krispy O's on his head and just sighed sadly. “Why? Why did you run out of fuel that quickly when I filled it only yesterday after skool?” GIR grinned and said “I emptied it out to make room for the TOO-NAA!!” Zim stared without a word as GIR popped off one of his feet and started sucking on a tuna from his open leg.

Zim turned and said quietly to himself “Maybe we really won’t be able to watch more of that blasted show. At this rate we are going to be stuck here till morning at least.” He looked over to his right to see a free cab and felt like he was going to cry. He grabbed GIR and ran over to the cab before someone could climb in. The driver looked over and asked “Where ya goin’?” Zim sighed and asked “You know where the main home of The scientist named Membrane is? Its not to far from here but the address has gotten away from me.” The cab driver looked over and said “You got the money?” Zim nodded and said “Yep and if its not enough the Professor’s son owes me a favor.” The driver took off and Zim was so relived.

He was dropped off in front of the house and luckily, he had enough monies. He was so not in the mood to get the monies out of Dib right now. As he walked away from the cab he heard “ZIM!” from behind him and took off.

Not today! Nope!

Chapter Text

Zim’s guilty pleasure was earth movies if he were to speak the truth. But you could not blame him! Some were so funny that it made him cry! And some were so heartbreaking! And have you seen the animation in some of them!? It was so cool!

Lately GIR and him had entered the alien science fiction because Zim had overheard a kid at the skool raving about a movie called Predator. Lets call that the beginning of the end. He had gone out to find every alien movie he could and some of them were just terrible. He had even sent one or two to Red and Purple who were in tears from how terrible they were. He debated on sending this one as he ate another handful of popcorn.

From the understanding he had a random alien species, which had no name he had heard, attacked and the only way to save the humans were. . . . germs?

Zim tilted his head with some popcorn halfway to his mouth as he watched soldiers sneeze and destroy the aliens. GIR was cheering, glad that earth had won its battle while Zim was wondering why they picked Germs as the end all be all. Like was there really no other way to end this? Really?

Zim ate his handful of popcorn as GIR started to dance to the ending music. After swallowing he looked over at the movie and said “I heard a story or two of an Invader being eliminated thanks to some germs but nothing like an inter race. So strange.” He sighed as he wondered out of the room to the lab while GIR continued to dance around in his own crazy way.

Zim tried to do some work on learning more on earth but he kept coming back to germs. He still remembered how some invaders passed away thanks to those things. When Tallest Miyuki was in charge Invader Jep was outstanding in every way and was well on his way to becoming a Tallest.

Then he landed on a planet that targeted his food.

He had to leave the planet often to get food but the moment it came in contact with the air of the planet it would rot.

He was discovered within 3 earth months.

Zim shook his head as he remembered the way that Jep went out. He then looked at the computer and sighed. Yep he was going to regret this. “Computer. Look up earthen germs.” Within half an hour Zim was twitching with the need to rip his skin off. “Filthy nasty germs! It is everywhere! Eww!” He looked up in time to see the ad for the microgoggles and he felt the need to cry. He knew he would regret this.

This would feed into his anxiety.

This would make him see monsters everywhere.

Zim stared for a moment and said “Oh whatever!” then hit the demo.

He watched as light came down from the ceiling to load the frame of the googles. With a pass of a laser the googles were sitting in his lab. Zim sighed as he picked them up and placed them on his face. He turned to face the rest of the lab and took in a deep breath. “Demo Mode Activated.”

Zim stared for a moment before he started screaming in horror!

Left! Right! They were everywhere!

Soon the demo ended but Zim was still screaming in horror. He shook his hands and cringed into a ball on his chair. Who knew where those filthy nasty things were! Without a moment hesitation he spun the chair and ordered a pair of goggles. As he watched the count down till the delivery for the goggles he shivered in fear and disgust.

He knew he would regret this and he did it anyway.

He was a fool.

After 4 hours Zim heard knocking on the door. He jumped up swearing that if it was Dib the computer had his full permission to toss him across the city only to see his box sitting there innocently. Zim hissed out a ‘Yes!” as he grabbed it and ripped the packaging opening once he was inside. With a deep breath Zim placed the googles over his eyes and turned them on.

The he started to scream as he saw all the green moving disease in his base. It was everywhere! He fell to the ground as he turned his head faster and faster so he could see the whole room. “Filth is everywhere!” And with that he seemed to dance out of the room and into the kitchen missing the door opening and closing behind him. In the kitchen he found his weapons for today’s battle.

A mob, bucket, sponges, and a can of disinfectant.

“And the war has begun you nasty filthy this. Prepare to meet you ends.”

With that he attacked.

He moped every spot in the kitchen and sprayed his can of disinfectant like it was a gun. With his PAK he climbed into the very wiring of the house cleaning everything he could. Even the house itself was helping by using mobs and rags to wipe spots they could reach. Soon Zim was standing over the toilet entrance in the kitchen reveling in his victory over the germs. He started walking out of the kitchen when he casually sprayed a stray germ. “Yeah you thought you were safe in the tiling didn’t you. Nope! And complete lemony victory for me over these little monsters.”

He stood in the doorway feeling like a king overseeing his kingdom. Just as he was about to take the googles off, not to invite anymore trouble, GIR opened the door.

Zim watched in numb horror as GIR waved goodbye to something. He was covered. GIR was covered in the little monsters. Zim watched as they pooled off of GIR to his clean floor and started to spread all over his base.

Zim felt the need to cry.

Then Gir started to roll and dance around the living room making more and more of a mess. Zim covered his mouth with his hand fearing he was about to throw up in disgust. Soon he found his voice and yelled “GIR stop! What! No! Stop that! It’s disgusting!” GIR lifted himself from the floor with a happy smile as he said “Aw! Someone needs a happy hug!” Zim stared as GIR looked like a monster covered in the germs making him look like a monster. As GIR got closer Zim felt a bigger urge to scream. So he broke out of his horror and ran out the door screaming.

He turned to make sure GIR wasn’t following only stare at his base.

Covered.

It was covered in germy monsters that squirmed all over.

Zim had a thought and looked at the ground where the enemy was coming for him. Zim then screamed and started to spray the ground as he ran back into the house where GIR was coming in for another hug. Zim just ordered the computer to place GIR outside like and earthen dog.

As GIR disappeared through the floor Zim ran to the lab jumping over the new germy army. When he got there he pulled out the things he wore when he was doing a deep clean around the Voot after a trip to space. He never thought he would have to wear it in his own lab or base. A shower cap over his head so nothing touched his sensitive antenna, the goggles, suspenders like the fishermen of earth, rubber gloves over his own gloves, and thick boots to let him reach up more. He sprayed more of his spray around him as he wondered what he could do.

He had Skool but he could claim a sick day tomorrow when he had a good plan but he had to also call the Tallest for his weekly update but for them to see him like this? No he needed a new plan and figure out how to beat this new attack. “Come on! Think! You are a top tier Explorer! There has to be something to do about this! Think Zim! Oh back off you little monster! Yeah I saw you!”

“Zim?”

Oh it just wasn’t his day was it.

He slowly turned to see Red and Purple staring at him without a word. After a moment of silence Zim turned to salute while truing to push down the warmth he could feel trying to take over his face. “Hello my Tallest! As you can see nothing to report here! Everything is perfectly fine like alw- Oh look at that big one!” Without a second of hesitation Zim started to spray a germ army forming on the right. Soon he ran away from the screen till he noticed the can getting light. “NO! I’m almost out!”

With that he ran out of the lab trying to find more disinfectant.

Red and Purple stared at the back of their Explorer for a moment till they started laughing to tears. “Oh I love calling Zim. It is always a good laugh” said Red as he wiped the tears from his eyes. “I know! We always said his worrying would do him in. It seems disinfectant will be his killer today” said Purple as he laid out on his chair trying to breathe again. After a few moments Red turned to Purple and asked “So we wait a few hours to call back and make sure he isn’t hiding in a ball somewhere right?” Purple nodded.

“Sounds about right.”

Zim stormed out of the house, grabbed GIR from the tree and started to powerwalk up the street. “GIR we are going to the store to get as much cleaning supplies as we can carry. So, be fast and do not stop for nothing! Do you understand, GIR?” GIR, who was being dragged on his butt, saluted and said “Yes Master” in a deep voice with red eyes.

Only to get up and try to grab a nearby butterfly.

Zim just pulled the leash and dragged his misbehaving robot behind him. Soon they reached the store just as dusk was arriving. GIR tried to continue to walk only to be dragged back by the leash. He turned to watch Zim shake the can of disinfectant with a blank look until he realized he wanted to shake it to! “Let me try!” With that he stole the can from Zim only to stare up at the building next to the store.

Mac Meaties

Zim had turned to grab the can from GIR’s hand only to completely miss as the SIR ran across the street. “No GIR!” Zim went to follow only to pause at the sight of the building. Meat. Restaurants were well known for being germy hellholes. Not only that but meat burned! It hurt and caused bubbling and pain! But as he looked at the street, he could see more and more Germs gathering.

And his last defense had just ran into a meat haven.

“GIR! You better still have that spray!”

He walked in and felt the need to throw up as he saw the germs everywhere. He zoomed on a man who is sitting at a booth, scooping food into his mouth. The goggles zoomed in on his mouth as he chewed, much to Zim’s disgust. He looked over to where a woman kissed, what looked like, a giant germ sitting in a baby seat. The goggles zoomed in on her lips as she kissed it. Zim backs up as he asked “What fresh hell have I walked into?”

He almost ran into a woman but ducked around her at the last moment. He looked around and found GIR sitting at a table. “GIR! Where is my spray!?” yelled Zim as he ran over only to cringe away when GIR turned with a big dripping burger in his hands.

But Zim stopped to stare at the burger that was germ free. Everything else was covered and breeding germs and yet the food was fine. “What on Irk?” asked Zim as he took the burger to examine it closer. “It is completely germ free?” He turned to see the food of other people in the restaurant and noticed the goggles claimed each was germ free. “Hmm. So the food is fine but the humans are the cause of the germs? Not surprised to speak the truth.”

He turned to see an old man manning the counter and jumped over to land in front of him. “Sir! Please tell me! How is the meat here so pure and not covered in disease!” The man went on a rant about space meat only to end about how they made their meat from used napkins. ‘How does that work? Hmm. I have an idea.’ Zim turned to look back to the man and said “I would like six burgers. No toppings, just the meat!”

After he got the food, he grabbed GIR and ran back to the house. He started researching the meat and trying to think on how to fix his germy problem only for the Tallest to call. He was elbows deep in meat at the time only to look up and see them looking back at him from their private rooms. “Zim? Is there something we need to speak about?” asked Red as he saw all the meat. “Yeah like why you are touching something you know burns you?” asked Purple as he raised an eye ridge.

“But its not! Because it is not meat! It is napkins!” cried an excited Zim. As he rambled about the space meat and such the Tallest just glanced at each other and sighed. “I’ll cue the video” said Purple as he pulled up the link between his PAK and Zim’s. “I’ll get the computer to wrap him up in blankest to help comfort” said Red as he pulled up the computer controls that he had linked right to Zim’s base.

Zim, they had learned when they were Smeets, entered phases of anxiety. He would find a problem and would worry to sickness. It was something that as Invaders they would never understand. The Brains took that from them if they ever really had it in the first place but Zim was an Explorer. He paid the price for his freedom in the form of anxiety and worry. So, they made the video of Zim’s favorite facts and things that would make him think, making him forget the cause of his anxiety at least for a little bit.

As the computer wrapped a protesting Zim up Red had more arms take away the meat and make a comfy corner away from Zim’s research. Purple and Red got comfy in their chairs as they got ready to debate and poke at an annoyed Explorer.

It was going to be a long night.

Chapter Text

Zim was in his lab staring at the computer in confusion. “What am I seeing?” When Zim had taken Earth as his Big Project he had set up sensors to let him know if something non earthen in nature entered the atmosphere. Now there seemed to be a strange scramble to be happening near the town. He had the computer run it through all the decoders and such it had on file but that would take a good few hours.

The downfall of having so many planets and its languages in one database.

GIR came running out of the toilet entrance making a sound similar to a foghorn like he did almost every morning. Zim walked up to him and patted his head causing a click sound and the sound stopping. “I regret you watching American TV and finding out about alarms clocks.” Zim walked back to the entrance with GIR now climbing him like a jungle gym as he giggled away. Zim just tapped away at the small handheld computer he picked up as he exited the lab. He was watching the progress bar slowly load from 2% to 3%.

As he entered the ground floor arms came from the ceiling to place his disguise on and make sure his controller was on his arm. He walked to the table to grab the special grab-to-go meal the Tallest sent him in his last care package. It was shaped similar to a hostess ho-ho as he had found but was a light pink color to the normal brown. It held the nutrients he needed in the morning without the need to cook which he was glad because he just never had the time.

To much work to be done.

He walked to school staring at the computer in his hands watching the bar slowly fill and trying to decode the scramble with the codes he knew off the top of his head. Soon he entered the skool and took his seat having to put away the computer. The day seemed to go on forever as he took breaks to glance at the computer between classes. Soon it was time for recess and the bar was now at 98% which filled Zim with exhilaration.

Soon he would have his answers!

He was pulled into a game that he didn’t really know the point of. To just throw the ball at each other? He thinks? He watched as a kid named Zootch, he would never understand earth names, fell to the ground holding his stomach after a ball slammed into him. Zim sighed as he wondered again how he got here. Then a ball hurled into his squeedilyspooch!

“Ah! Ha ha ha. Nice throw there Chuck.” Zim held his middle just trying to breath after the knock. As he walked away a bit to get some breath back he noticed Dib and Gaz nearby. He wondered over and asked Gaz “Can I sit here for a second?” Gaz nodded as he took a seat just to watch Dib notice he was gone from the game. “What!? Where did he go!?” Zim felt a smile start to form as Dib looked around fast never even glancing behind himself. Soon a truck pulled up and pulled Dib’s attention away from looking for Zim.

A man stepped out of the truck to ask “I'm looking for a” a glance at his clipboard “Mr. Dib?” Dib hopped up and said “Oh! Here! That’s me!” The man just handed over the clipboard for Dib to sign and then left with a box in Dib’s hands. Zim opened his mouth to ask what was in the box only for Gaz to raise her hand for him to silence. Dib opened the box with an excited gleam in his eyes as he said “Look Gaz! It's my personal Ex-scope! I ordered it from the back of Crop Circles Magazine! They are so cool!”

With the scope over his eyes he started to look around the playground identifying hearts, lungs, livers from the kids around him. When he turned around to identify something in Gaz he stopped short of something strange right next to her on the bench.

The being next to Gaz had just one long intestine like organ that ran all the way up the body. Without knowing it he walked closer in hopes that there would be some kind of identifying marker but even the Ex-scope was confused. “What on earth is that thing?” as Dib as he stood right in front of the organ. “That is called a squeedilyspooch” said Zim as he looked over the boy now looming over him. “GAH! Zim!” Dib jumped away as if Zim had tried to cut him much to the amusement of Gaz and Zim. They snickered as Dib started to wave his hands in some kind of fake karate.

Zim sighed as he got his breath and said “Again. That is called a squeedilyspooch. It handles everything basically.” Dib stopped waving his hands and said “That’s not human.” Zim deadpanned at him as he replied “Oh no? I never would have guessed” to the amusement of Gaz if her snickers were anything to go by. “Anyway I got to get back in the game. Later Gaz, Dib” waved Zim as he walked back into the ball game.

Dib turned to glare at the alien. “You see Gaz!? He is shifty! You never know when he will pop up and attack! That’s why to defeat my enemy I must study my enemy, then become my enemy, then move in with my enemy, then wear my enemy's clothes then-!”

Gaz just looked up and said “One: You are in my light and two: This is why dad wanted you to go to therapy.” Dib just blinked back at her without a word.

Soon it was class time again.

Zim was so bored.

Ms. Bitters was going on about how some game humans played called ring around the rosie was about some plague that hit years ago. Normally he would be right on this adding it to his notes, but he was much more focused on the count down the computer was doing. When class started it was at a solid 99%. Now he was just ready for the day to be done.

“Zim!”

Zim sat up and saluted as he replied with a firm “Sir!” only to look up and see his teacher looking back at him. “You've got head pigeons. Get to the nurse before they spread to the other children.” Zim got up wondering what on earth was a head pigeon. Only to hear a coo from the top of his head.

Ah. So that was what a head pigeon was.

When he got to the door Ms. Bitters called him back about a hall pass.

That turned out to be a bomb.

Lovely.

As he stared at her hoping she was kidding Dib leaned forward in his desk. “You know Zim, when the nurse examines you, she'll notice that you don't have human organs. Then it's just a short step to a hospital and from there to an alien autopsy table and then you're just another segment on Mysterious Mysteries!”

Zim turned to face the doorway as he said “I’ll be fine. I’d bet my squeedilyspooch on it. Later Dib.” He walked out of the classroom with sure steps. He then went right and walked till he entered the ‘intersection of confusion’ as he lovingly called it. He knew for a fact that other human skools didn’t have classes like Taxidermy, he looked it up!

He turned to take a quick look into the biology room where he could see a chart with the human inner works. “Hmm. A few twists and turns and I’m all set!” He then lifted his sleeve where the main devise that controlled his look was. Without it he would have a little trouble of getting out of his disguise because the main chemicals that took the hair from his head were made by the Voot. It was also thanks to the controller he could make a few small changes to his look. Like say he wanted the hair in a ponytail then with a push of the button he was home free. “Or, you know, give myself a spleen?”

After fiddling with a few buttons and such the PAK told him he had fully functioning human organs like other human. “I’m so glad the Scientist made things like this! It helps blending in so much better!” This small controller had saved him a few times and he would never stop being thankful for it.

As he turned to enter the Nurse’s office a voice called from behind him. “Hey you! Where's your hall pass?” Zim turned to see an orange haired boy with a Hall Monitor on a sash across his chest. Zim placed a smile on his face as he said “Hey um my teacher said this was my hall pass?” He pointed at the bloody BOMB on his neck, no he still wasn’t over that, and watched as the boy’s headset scanned it. How was it this place had mystery meat for food but had bombs and scanners?

Those things weren’t cheap even on Irk!

The boy hummed as he said “Well! Looks like everything checks out! Till next time kid!” Zim just nodded as he wondered into the Nurse’s office where all she did was take his temperature and scare the bird. It was honestly a let down after the work he did to get the organs looking right in his body. At least the pigeon was gone.

The cooing was getting annoying.

He came out to the intersection and looked over to see the Hall Monitor leaning against the wall. “Hey. You ok, friend?” The guy gurgled in clear pain as he held his stomach. Zim patted his back as he asked again if the guy was alright only to get the same answer. Zim frowned as he stared at the kid. He glanced around fast to make sure no one was around only to pull a pair of goggles, similar to Dib’s Ex-scope, and placed them on his head. He ended up sucking in a deep breath as he saw an alarm clock inside of the boy in place of, what Zim believed, was the liver.

Zim lifted the goggles as he looked at the boy slowly becoming green. Without a word he brought the boy to the Nurse’s office and left again. “How is that possible? Humans need doctors and time to pull something like that! And yet he was changed within minutes if that!” Just as he was about to fall into deep thought to try and figure this out the small computer vibrated form inside his bag. Pulling it out he felt everything stop.

So.

They decided earth was there next target, did they?

“Not while I’m here you scavengers!”

His PAK legs ripped the backpack apart as they entered the world. Zim then threw himself to the ceiling where he quickly ran into an air vent. He had some hunting to do.

Meanwhile Dib was drawing in class as he pictured Zim getting found out. It was going to be something to see! Dib glanced at Zim’s desk as a thought hit him. He was going to miss it wasn’t he? The alien was going to be found out and instead of seeing it he was sitting here?

Yeah no.

With that he snapped his pencil in two.

And that was how he found himself with a sixty-two-pound hall pass going down the hall. Soon he arrived at the office. He looked around hearing the sounds of pain and, strangely, mooing. He looked over at the reception desk just to see a lady with one of those moo cans that people seemed to like. He wondered over and asked “I’m looking for the kid who had head pigeons?” She nodded as she said “Yeah. He came in earlier and was out in like 2 minutes. Perfectly healthy child according to the nurse. Just had the bad luck of getting a pigeon to the head.” She shook her head as if he was diagnosed with some incurable disease.

Dib bit his lip at knowing that Zim had once again slipped out of his hands and into the normal world. “It is a good thing he left when he did. That poor dear has been eating the cafeteria food.” She tilted her head at the Hall Monitor who was sitting in the chair mumbling to himself with light green skin. Dib stared as she went on about how he was luck that all he was missing was his liver. Without a single word he pulled down his Ex-Scope to look into the Hall Monitor’s body only to stare at the alarm clock buzzing away inside his body.

“What fresh hell is this?” mumbled Dib as he lifted the Scope to look at the kid. The then snickered to himself as he said “I have always wanted to say that.” He then coughed as he said in a much more serious tone “It must have been Zim! It has to be. He's stealing organs and replacing them with... stuff. He must be stopped!” With that he ran for the door only to be reminded of that hall pass.

Wonderful.

He got into the deserted hall way and the placed the Ex-Scope back over his eyes. He looked around only seeing human organs for now and not a squeedilyspooch in sight. As he pushed the hall pass down the hall back to class he started to hear rattling coming from around him. “Hello? Zim?” He still couldn’t see anyone out of place. People in class and no strange organs although he could see kids with more switched organs. A soda here, a game there all in place of something like a lungs and such. Just as he had the distinct feeling of someone about to jump him the door swing open and shoved him to the floor.

Kids walked right past him as he stared at every child. “A few more replaces but nothing that even looks like a squeedilyspooch.” He rubbed his face as he sat up taking the Ex-Scope off for a break to his eyes. “Where is he?” The then heard a zap and then footsteps behind him that sounded very strange for some reason. He turned ready to punch if it was Zim only to stare at Spoon. “I don’t feel do good” he said and then collapsed on to his back.

Dib’s hall pass was inside Spoon.

Dib looked past the boy to see the kids enter the cafeteria. He got up and ran to the doors throwing them open dramatically like he had always wished he could. “Oh no. It is so much worse than I thought.” He looked up at the menu for the day only to say “And it's not even ketchup and rice day.” Kids were all over the place curled up in pain or fainted on the floor. Even his baby sister Gaz was switched around with her handheld game. He placed the Ex-Scope back on his eyes to look around at all the replacements. “Ruler instead of a spine, a remote control instead of a stomach, an alarm clock instead of a heart! Zim! You have gone to far!” He stopped at seeing someone with a full set of organs just sitting hunched over at a table to the right. “Someone is fine? So he hasn’t completely won!” Dib ripped the Ex-Scope off with glee only to cringe that the full set was non-other than Zim.

Dib ran over as he screamed “ZIM!” Zim was typing away at a computer as he said “Not now Dib. I’m working.” Dib screamed “Working!? Working on what? What other organs to take!?” Zim looked up and said “Wake up boy! If I stole all the organs where could I hide them? My body is way too small to hide everything taken from almost every child in this place. What I need to do is track where the real culprit is.”

Dib took a step back as he considered that. It was true that Zim with his small structure would have turned into some grotesque monster with how full be would have become. “But how do you have a full set then? Explain that to me Zim!” Zim sighed as he waved a wrist “You do realize I come from a huge race full of intelligent beings correct? Do you really think we didn’t find ways to bypass healers of any race?” Dib opened his mouth as if to fight back but there really wasn’t anything to say to that.

Dib took the seat on Zim’s right and said “Alright. So lets say you are not the cause of this. What the hell is going on in this skool?” Zim stood up still gazing at his computer. He grabbed Dib’s arm and started to walk towards a corner in the cafeteria. He showed Dib a being that was nothing but a white blob that was translucent enough to see it’s organs. “They are called the scavengers of the galaxy and that’s if you are being polite. They were once great doctors till one of their own became drunk on their brilliance. It is said that they were trying to make a cure for everything. You have a cold? Take that. Have cancer. No problem just take that cure. Everything would be perfect if you took that one thing.”

Dib nodded along as he followed. “Sounds like a fascinating idea.”

Zim brought the computer back to him and kept typing away. “It was. But in their hubris they released the drug to soon. At first it worked. Everyone was fine, people who had been at deaths door would back up and running. Elderly, adults, even sick children were making full recoveries. The sick were back on their feet and people were celebrating. It was a magical time for them.” Dib looked up at the pinched skin around Zim’s eyes that spoke of stress. He found himself understanding what had happened, but he needed Zim to say it. “What happened if everything was going so well?”

Zim looked him dead in the eye and said “Death and decay.”

He looked back at him computer as he continued “Soon people started to feel terrible again. I’m told that they complained of stomach pains and then started to throw up black sludge. After testing it was realized that their be all end all cure was rotting the insides of it’s victims. They tried everything to stop it but noting worked, it had become a part of their very beings. So they came together and tried the idea of transplanting organs of healthy beings into their bodies. It worked for sometime. They could go years with the right organs so the once brilliant doctors became scavengers running where ever they wanted in hopes of better organ options.”

Zim lifted his eyes to look forward but was back in his computer before Dib could even glance at what he was looking for. “This morning I saw that something had entered the atmosphere of the earth, but it was only now that I was able to tell them apart from everything else that can visit the earth. I am trying to track them to grab the human children organs back, but they move too fast. I am trying to track them down but so far nothing is working.”

He glanced at Dib as he said “That is where you come in Dib-human. You will be my live bait if they avoid me. All I need is you and the only other human with a full set of organs to run around together in hopes they will attack you. Then I will attack, get the organs back, and everything can go back to normal.”

Dib scowled as he said “Normally I would say something about being live bait but in this case I will let it slide. So these things are running around the school? Why the replacing of organs with random things?” Zim shrugged a shoulder as he hopped over some fallen kids. “The best guess I have is to come back. Like human’s drink some of there fizzy drinks and then store them till they want them again. Same basic logic.”

Dib shook his head as he said “Reduced to a soda pop. My life’s ambition right there.” Zim just snickered as they stopped next to Torque’s table. “He still has every organ. So now we just need to be in a group and we can draw that” Zim made some strange, to Dib’s ears, clicks “out in the open.” Dib turned to look back at Zim and ask “that clicking?” Zim just walked past him without a word.

Zim took the free seat no the right to Torque with a smile. Just as he was about to open his mouth Dib took the other seat on the left to Torque. “You! You look like you still got all your organs!” Zim felt the smile freeze and the eyebrow twitch start up as Torque felt his chest. “Yeah. So?” came from a clearly disinterested Torque while Dib just seemed to pull up more steam. “You are in grave danger! Come with me!” Zim felt his head hit the table as he heard Torque refuse due to having to lift things and the terrified gulp Dib did as he volunteered to follow Torque around instead.

‘And this boy wonders why he has no friends? Really?’

That’s how he found himself walking down a hallway with Torque just watching Dib run from doorway to doorway yammering about aliens and such. At one point he ever brought up how Zim was an alien only for Zim to shrug when Torque looked over at him. Zim just turned back to his computer to work out more calculations on the best ways to find the scavengers. “This kid is freaking me out” was grunted out by Torque while Zim just sighed. “Yeah. He is meant to be on some kind of medication, but you know how it is.” Torque nodded in understanding as Dib started to so on about aliens taking him as a baby.

That was when Torque was forcefully shoved back into a room.

“DIB! IT’S TIME!” yelled Zim as he ran into what would be a science lab. Zim had climbed up on a book self to look around while Dib slowly entered the room looking for Torque. “Torque Smackey, is that you?” softly called out Dib as he turned on a light. Zim bit his tongue as he fought against yelling at Dib for giving himself away but then again he was live bait. Zim made sure his PAK legs were ready to come out at any second while they looked for the scavenger. Dib slowly looked around the room avoiding the statues of birds of prey and the jars of he didn’t even know what.

He would deny to his dying breath that he flinched at the skeleton in the corner, shut up Zim.

Soon he made it to a relatively clear spot in the room and called for Torque again. “Come on man. Let me know that your still here!” He took a gulp as nothing answered him. “Please” he meeped out.

Finally he heard something.

He spun around after hearing a thud only to look down and see Torque's hand weight start rolling toward him. He looks at it, gasped, and looks up to see an open vent. Dib fell to his knees dramatically as he screamed “TORQUE SMACKEEEE!” as if he was in one of GIR’s soap operas. Zim rolled his eyes only to freeze as he heard an odd sloshing sound coming from above. He stared at the vent opening waiting for it to enter the room while Dib had finally stopped screaming like he lost his long-lost lover. He could feel his body bracing for a jump as Dib slowly rose also staring at the vent.

Suddenly the lights went out.

“Dib RUN!” screamed Zim as he threw himself at the vent while Dib screamed in horror. Dib ran out of the room while Zim went up the vent only to see the tail end of the thing. He ran as fast as he could realizing it was following Dib through the vents. Soon Dib had run them into a dead end and that was when he could confront the scavenger!

He was very proud of the little earthling.

It turned clearly ready to chase Dib only to come face to face to Zim. “Yeah no. This is my place so you can take a fling jump off my planet.” Zim pulled out the freeze ray that was in his PAK, mostly to stop GIR for an hour or two for a break and started to fire at the thing. He had succeeded in freezing its right side only for it to throw it’s weight down and break into the hall. He left the side it broke off in the vent so he could follow the thing that was clearly still running after Dib if the thuds of running feet was to be believed. Using the PAK legs he threw himself over the railing on the stairs and into the doors of the boiler room.

Zim smirked as he saw the thing slowing down thanks to it starting to evaporate from the heat. Perfect! He aimed the gun and started firing again. Now it turned to see Zim and started attacking with its long blob arms that could pack a punch. Zim was soon ducking and weaving between the many arms it was sending his way. He ducked to the right and six arms would be in his face so he would duck. Then two would come from the left so he would press himself into the ground, so they went over his head in the nick of time.

He would fire his gun when he could but mostly, he was stuck in a dance to the death with the blob.

One thing he had not told Dib was their touch was deadly. It was like an acid and poison all rolled into one. Zim would be dead within minutes if it even grazed him.

The PAK legs flung him back out of its reach then into the air over its head where he had a perfect shot. “Bye-bye” was the last thing it heard before it became an ice statue. Zim landed on the other side of the thing with one leg bent touching the walkway the other braced on the ground. He quickly stood up and coughed into a fist trying to pretend that he hadn’t just tried to land like an action hero.

He started running after Dib who was still running through the steam. “Dib-Human! Stop!” Dib ended up screaming and jumping at Zim’s yell. Zim had to stop and hold his stomach as he started laughing hard at the flailing arms and high pitch scream Dib had let lose. “Zim! Shut up!” Dib could feel his face flush red as the alien started coming down from his laughter with breathy wheezes and teary eyes. Zim stood up wiping his eyes as he took in a deep breath to calm him. “Well Dib-Boy I say congrads. You went up against your first attacking alien and survived.”

Dib blinked as he took that in. “You got the thing? Really?” he asked walking up to Zim with an excited gleam starting to form in his eyes. Zim cocked a hip as he said “What? You didn’t think I had you running around for my own entertainment did ya?” Dib just deadpanned and Zim nodded because he would just for giggles.

“Well come on. We have to get the organs back to the kids.” Dib ran after Zim as he asked “How are we going to do that?” Zim pressed his lips together as the PAK legs grabbed the scavenger and brought it into the skool to grab the bit in the vents. Reaching into the left behind part with a retractable arm that he threw away right after he pulled out a strange helmet. He walked over to the curious Dib with his lips still pressed together and eyes looking away. “Well this is the part you’re going to hate Dib-Human.” Dib stared without a word of a minute till he screeched “What!? No! Why don’t you take out an organ?”

Zim just looked at him for a second. “Right. You only have the one. Your squeedilyspooch.” Dib pinched the area between his eyes as he sighed. After a minute he looked up and clapped his hands together as if he was praying. He took a deep breath and then pointed at Zim and said “Ok. Fine. How are we doing this? Like can we have it take something I don’t need like my appendix or something?” Zim turned and stared at the helmet as if it had all the answers. “From what I’m picking up it basically is grabbing from the list they need. Like the brain, heart, stomach and such. It will take from random what it needs and I’m not willing to play with it in case it messes up the signal to wherever the scavenger placed the organs.”

Dib blinked and angerly pointed at Zim as he said “What readings? You literally just looked at the damn thing!” Zim just sighed and then plucked out his right eye much to the shock and horror of Dib. “My eyes were augmented like all of my race upon creation. I can pick this apart easy.” Dib blinked and Zim placed the eye back in his socket. “Why would they do that? What purpose does that serve? Doesn’t it hurt?” Dib lifted a hand as if to offer comfort to Zim but stopped halfway as Zim looked at him confused. “It what has always been done. It helps my people survive out there in the stars. We can see and understand like a scanner from your planet. It helps tells us if something will harm us or if a enemy is near. I do not understand why you humans don’t do something similar. Your young survive somehow but are easy pickings to something bigger” Zim shrugged as Dib just continued to stare at Zim without a word.

Zim lifted the helmet over Dib’s head and said “Thank you for the sacrifice Dib-Boy” Dib opened his mouth to say something only for the flash. As he breathed out a sad sounding moo came out. Dib sounded noticeably short of breath as he asked “What the -moo- hell? I -moo- wasn’t ready! -moo.” Zim nodded absentmindedly as he turned away pulling out his computer to follow where, if Zim had to guess, Dib’s lungs went. Dib kept trying to scold him with moos popping up more and more the more worked up he became while Zim just worked and back tracking the signal to the scavenger’s ship. After the answer popped up Zim just looked at Dib who was ranting and waving his arms. After feeling Zim’s stare Dib stopped moving and stared at Zim. “What’s with -moo the look? -moo”

Zim rubbed his neck, a habit he had taken up from all the earthlings had had to interact with on the daily. “Well the good news is I can get the organs back. The bad news is it will have to wait till tomorrow.” Dib glared as he asked “Why? -moo” between gritted teeth. “The length of travel. They are just that so far away that it will take me most of the night to get there and back.” Zim looked up as the bell went and grabbed the scavenger parts. “I’m heading home. Tell Ms. Bitters they sent me home. Good luck Moo Cow Boy.” With that he jumped out of an open window and ran home over the roof tops of the buildings between him and the base.

He got the Voot ready and took off with GIR laughing to himself. As they passed the sun he shot the scavenger with a savage glee. “Touch my planet? Well you can meet the sun you” with that he sat there clicking to himself all the way to the location of the scavenger’s ship. After what would count as 8 earth hours Zim got to the ship. He looked up at the way the ship looked like a earthling needle with the thrusters as the plunger and the needle really being the transmitter it used to speak to its people. He scanned and found no life forms on the ship so he placed the Voot next to it. From there he jumped from the Voot to the ship and got inside with almost no problem.

Soon he found himself on the deck where he started his hacking. He found the flight plans of the ship and sent out a signal lost to their main planet to trick them into thinking nothing was here but death. Then he called the massive to which was answered clearly expecting a hostel call like so many from the scavengers before.

The Irkens had faced the scavengers many a time before. It always seemed they had trackers on the Irkens because soon after they arrived the scavengers would come trying to pull a fast one on the Irken. Something they refused to let go. Unofficially there was a hidden war between the races. If a scavenger and Irken crossed paths it was heavily hinted that death was to soon follow. Scavengers hated that Irkens wouldn’t share the population’s organs while the Irkens hated the underhanded tactics they would use to win.

Case and point they attacked a skool which was clearly for the earthing Smeets. The fact one went after the Smeets of a race was something Irkens hated. While they were a conquering race there were some lines that must never be crossed and going after the Smeets of a race was something no respectable Irken would do unless they were like the Irkens, raised with war in their veins as Tallest Miyuki would say.

“Zim? What are you doing on one of those” Purple clicked out an insulting name that made even Zim blush a bit “ships?” Zim coughed into a fist then saluted as he reported. “My Tallest. Explorer Zim reporting. Today on star day 10-78-932 I encountered a scavenger in the teaching place for the earthing Smeets who are about to enter the 3ed of their 5-stage growth development. After using a earthling named Dib as live bait I subdued it with a freeze gun I keep on hand. I then tossed it into the earth sun before it could work itself free from its prison. I am currently inside its ship about to return the stolen organs to the earthlings.”

Purple and Red glanced at each other then looked back at Zim. “You mean you have a full intact ship?” “Yes My Tallest. The fight took place on the earth. I had to hack into the signal after taking the Dib’s organ to find the ship. I followed it back and everything seems to be in working order.” Red and Purple grinned as Red said “Zim you have helped us well in this fight against the scavengers. Can you set it on a course for the massive?” Zim straighten even more as he replied with a firm “Yes My Tallest!”

“Excellent! With that ship we can cause a lot of damage to those cowards! Send this way! Congrads Zim! You are truly one of our best!” called out Purple as he wrapped an arm around Red in celebration. Red laughed as Zim turned a bit red in the face. “Get to work Zim. We will have an Invader meet the ship as soon as they can to make sure it is safe on its journey.” Zim nodded as he said “Yes My Tallest. This is Explorer Zim signing off.” As soon as the feed cut Zim gave a great sigh. “That is terrifying. Whenever I officially report I’m always scared I’m going to say the wrong thing and get zapped by the Brains.”

Zim wiped under his chin before he popped his knuckles. He then got to work returning the organs to the earthling first. When that was taken care of he started the automatic driver system, as they had labeled the damn thing much to the annoyance of Zim. It would be on a direct path to the Massive coordinates with all its defense weapons and shields on maximum until the Invader with a set code came near it. With that taken care of Zim left the ship to return to his beloved Voot.

By the time he entered the atmosphere again it was time for skool again. Zim parked the Voot in the attic area of the house deciding that after all his hard work he deserved a day off. As Mother unit was calling the skool about an unfortunate cold Zim had picked up at some point he was picking the morning newspaper off the table.

Only to stare.

There in black and white was a headline of “HIDEOUS MOOING CYBORG BOY FOUND!" with a picture of Dib with hooves and a cow's face. Zim twitched as he stared then placed a hand on his face. “So they picked up with missing lungs but not the other ones? There was literally a kid with a cat as a spleen or something and they only notice the mooing boy.”

Zim then clapped his hands and said “Nope. Not my problem.”

He whistled as he walked to the lab with only a thought spared to hope Dib had a way to pull himself out of this mess.

Chapter Text

It was a lazy day for Zim. He was going around the earth in his Voot just looking around at the world. He stopped by famous monuments and seen a few of nature’s wonders just documenting things. Gir was out and about the town doing whatever little robot pretending to be a earth dog does. After a few hours Zim decided to head back to the town hiding in the clouds. When he got there he decided to go for broke and lower himself down and head home. No one noticed from what he saw except the poor police officer.

“Log #1023: Human law enforcement machine. Markings: black and white color, flashing blue and red lights on top and a very annoying siren. Defensive capability. . . .” He blinked as he watched the explosion happen along with raining hotdogs. “minimal at best. Side note: Show this to Red and Purple because it is funny!”

Zim was busy laughing when an alarm went off in the Voot. He looked down to see a warning light come to life. He looked around as he said “What could cause the Voot to think warning? It is not like a plane will fly this low.” He could see nothing that could possibly be setting off the warning so he told the computer to run a diagnostic real fast as he continued to look around.

Suddenly he saw a bee coming at him. He stared as it got closer and wondered for a second if that was what was setting off the alarm? “No it can’t be. I have run into birds and been fine! So it can’t be a small little bug.”

He was wrong.

It hit the windshield and the Voot veered out of control, flaming. Zim screamed as he tried to get control over the spinning Voot. His Voot Runner flew through the city while Zim, in a moment of clarity, wondered if anyone was watching. He looked out the windshield and saw the bee pushed up against it with the ground fast approaching. He tried one more time to right the Voot only to give up with a scream. “Computer! Eject!”

Soon the Voot slammed on the ground and he was rolling in the dirt. After a moment of felling pain her got up and saw he flaming Voot. He stared for a moment before he facepalmed. “I know you aren’t the high-end piece of tech like you were before but really? A bee takes me out? Really?” He stared at it and said to himself “After this is done I’m going to have to do something about these bees.”

He pulled his communicator out of his PAK and tried to ring GIR. Not knowing that the little robot was right now dancing in a rave not paying any attention to his communicator. After a few minutes of trying to get through he sighed and put the communicator away. “Ok. So I can activate a distress signal but that will get to not only GIR but the massive and that. . . .” He pictured Red and Purple being there overprotective selves and coming straight to earth with gun blazing. “No. I’m just not dealing with that mess. And of course the Zhook Cruiser is being updated at the base so I can’t call for it incase it rips out important wiring.” He placed a hand under his chin and started to pace in a little circle avoiding the flames as he wondered what he was going to so.

He stopped pacing and looked around. He pulled the freeze ray out of the PAK and stated freezing the flames. With the PAK legs he picked up each piece of ice and threw them far away from the sight of the crash. He then went up trees and stared to cover the Voot with pieces of ripped off branches. After that was done he looked around and said “Ok. That will have to work for now. This place is fairly deserted so I be able to return with the tow vehicle, pick the cruiser up and go. Easy!” With that he ran from the crash hoping to get to the base fast not knowing a man had seen him hide the Voot.

Zim had a spare disguise in the Pak he was able to get home in an orderly form. When he shut the door he asked the computer to get the Voot carrier ready for transport. “Yes Sir. Processing.” Soon a hovering disk floated down from the ceiling with a bubble-like covering closed over the top of it. Zim walked around it debating if he could bring it out or not. “Computer. Lets try for a less conspicuous disguise. Just in case.” “Yes Sir!” The carrier then spun in place with a bright light that hid it from view for a moment as the computer tried to come up with something to hide it from the humans.

Soon a large floating pig was in his living room much to Zim’s confusion. He pinched the area between his eyes as he asked in long suffering tone “Why computer?” For some reason he could tell the computer was shrugging as it answered “Because balloons are popular so it should be easy to walk around with.” Zim sighed as he said “True. Alright. It is too dark for me to go out now. So I’ll wait till morning and get the Voot. Simple enough!” Zim folded his arms feeling very confident in this idea. “It is going to be fine!”

It was not fine.

He could feel the eyebrow twitch return because that morning he had left the house feeling alright. With his balloon and his old man disguise he was sure he could have this all wrapped up by lunch if that. Only to get to the park and find that someone had found the Voot. Instead of calling the police or something they had placed it on a pedestal and seemed to be worshiping it like it was some deity.

He causally walked over to the surrounding trees and stood there for a moment just taking it in. He slammed a hand to his mouth as he screamed as loud as he dared. When done he coughed almost delicately into his fist and then sighed. “Ok. I have no idea what they have done to the Voot and have no idea why they are doing what they are doing. So I’ll leave the carrier here and call it when I’m closer so the Voot. Ok. Good plan.”

He laid the carrier down in the grass and preceded to drift into the crowd. As he walked closer to the Voot he took in everyone around him. If he had to guess they were what were known as alien enthusiasts from the strange clothing they were wearing. He hopped around a man with a UFO hat he had seen when people were talking about aliens when he was stopped by big woman with a UFO on her shirt. “We are the Children of the Bright and Shining Saucer! We have claimed this downed alien love ship and want to share it with all humanity! But humanity must prove itself worthy!”

The words love ship echoed through Zim’s head drowning out everything else. Why are they calling it a love ship? What do they think the alien owning it came here to do exactly?

“LOVE ship? But that's my... my...” Suddenly a pig snort happened reminding him of the carrier and his mission. “Uh...my... dream. To become worthy enough to get close to the... ‘love ship.’” He could feel the cringe work itself up his back having to refer to his ship as that. He was so glad the ship didn’t have an AI like other ships because he knew it would have said something to the title love ship for sure. The woman gave a clueless smile as she said “Wonderful! Our leader is conducting an initiation right now! Starchunk!”

Zim blinked. “Wait right now? What is initiation? And what is Starch-” Suddenly A large hand grabbed him by the head and lifted him into the air. He blinked as he was carried to a tent with the thought ‘So I’m going to guess that this is Starchunk?’

As for what happened in the tent Zim didn’t want to talk about it. Just know there was pain and Zim lost his hat to a strange UFO hat/helmet thing like the others.

As soon as he could he excepted out of the tent and ran back to the Voot only to stop. He felt a twitch start to form as he wondered ‘am I cursed or is it just this planet?’ because there was his carrier still looking like a pig sitting on a pedestal like the Voot. The humans ‘oh’ed and ‘ah’ed while he tapped his lip with his claws trying to think on how to get his things and out of crazy valley while he was at it.

The woman from before was waving her arms as she spoke in a loud voice “We've just found a number of alien artifacts near the sight. Truly this is a sign!” ‘Why were you in the woods in the 10 minutes I spent getting into this place!?’ Zim bit his tongue trying not to scream at her. Also why was a blender, a boot, and some weird looking Chihuahua seen as the same level of alien as his Voot!? He wanted to facepalm so bad but this wasn’t the time.

A Man who I knew to be the leader spoke up saying “It appears to be some form of symbolic greeting! The pig form perhaps represents mankind's...pig-like affinity, for... exploration.” Zim rolled his eyes as he thought ‘Sure. Whatever you want. Just give me back my stuff!’ While he turned to glare at the leader the woman pressed a button on the controller that caused the carrier’s mouth to open bite down on a man standing right in front of it, then it hovered in the air, with the man hanging from its mouth.

A muffled “The pig accepts me!” is heard so the man wasn’t bitten in half like Zim so wished he was. ‘Ok. Play time it over!’ Zim normally tried to hide but now he was mad! He jumped on to her arms screaming “RELEASE THE PIG, WOMAN!” and tried to snatch the remote from the woman. The woman waved her arms trying to knock him off as she yelled “No! the pig belongs to all mankind!” They started punching and biting till Zim was able to grab her and flipped her to the ground. When she hit the ground, a hush had taken over the crowd. When he looked over, he noticed they were all staring at him like he had started sprouting globnot at them.

Even he wasn’t that cruel.

Only as he glanced around he saw a contact on the ground.

His contact along with his hat and beard.

He slapped a hand to his face in horror.

Oh no.

In his certainty that this wouldn’t take long he had placed on a flimsy disguise that was so easy to place on a remove. With the longer he spent on earth the longer he was sure the people here would never find him. He had become compliant during his time here.

And it was about to cost him.

The leader screamed “The alien! The one I told you I saw!” They started to come closer to him as he jumped of the woman’s stomach. “No! It isn’t! Stay away earth bugs!” He tried to think but his mind just had quick flashes of what they could do to him.

The first one was of him in a tube with two scientists studying him. The second one showed him strapped to a table being operated on with a fork and scalpel. The next one showed a scientist pulling out his guts. Zim was panicking hard when he looked up and saw that they had formed a circle around him. He spun in a slow circle as he watched them bow to him, chanting "alien" over and over.

What fresh hell had Zim walked into?

He was staring in stunned horror as the leader stood up to say “We are your loving servants, oh wise one!” ‘What?’ A woman sat up and cried out “Fill us with wisdom from another beyond!” ‘What now?’ The crowd saw that as a wonderful idea and cried out in joy “Fill us! Fill us!” as they all started to come closer to him. Zim blinked back with enough time to yell “Stand away, you smell like feet! Leave me alone!”

Of course they did not listen.

He was tossed up into the air and carried in their nasty smelly hands so in a last-ditch effort he pulled his communicator out of the PAK and tried GIR. “GIR! GIR! ARE YOU THERE GIR? YOU BETTER ANSWER NOW! OR SO HELP ME!” The relief he felt when that robot answered could not be measured in words.

“GIR, finally! I need your help! I've been captured!” He facepalmed when he heard the load “Yaaaay!” in return. Zim sighed as he said “No, that's bad, GIR.” And what was Gir’s answer to that?

“Yaaaay!”

His companion everyone.

“Nevermind all that! I need you to listen very, very, very, very, very, very, very, oh so very carefully, Gir. Here’s the plan.”

Please let this work!

Zim found himself sitting in a chair back in that blasted tent just staring back at these crazy people. No one said anything so Zim decided to see how they would react to things. He lifted a hand much to their shock and proceeded to scratch his butt. There was aww and shock till the leader went off about how Zim was prophesied by some guy named frank. Then some man popped up demanding that Zim bless his foot much to Zim’s disgust. Soon they all stared to walk up to him telling his to bless this or solve that. Zim climbed upon the chair internally screaming ‘Where is GIR!?’ as he kicked out at the way to close crazies.

“Yes! Hi! Excuse me, there has been a mistake!”

A voice came from outside the darkened tent before a light come in from the doorway as it was opened an awkward-looking government man in a suit, obviously mechanical to the untrained eye. Zim just smiled as he knew that GIR was finally here to save him.

“Who are you!?” demanded the leader.

“I am government man, come from the government, the government has sent me” sated the hidden GIR who was having the time of his life inside the head of government man. The robot walked past the group to stand next to Zim and start laughing like he heard a wonderful joke. “Ho ho ho! This is not an alien life form! He is an experimental government lifeform. You know how it is! A little bit of human, lamb, lion, and a little plant life for color.” Zim just sighed because there were worst things he could have said.

Zim was suddenly picked up and placed under GIR’s arm like a human football. Zim felt his face go deadpan as he thought ‘GIR, I thank you for your work today. I was going to make sure you had a nice reward but now. NOPE!’ As soon as they were outside of the tent he hopped out of GIR’s arms to walk right up to his Voot and carrier. As the group debated with GIR about if he really some plant thing and if GIR was a true government man he was activating the carrier and grabbing the Voot.

Only to hear the man still want Zim to bless his foot.

The pure cringe of disgust made him pull a lever to soon and bump into GIR. As GIR was having so much fun feeling the shape of the Leader’s head he didn’t brace himself and was forced out of the government man robot. GIR was blinking up at the group like a confused pet while the security woman screamed “It's a government android!”

Then the chaos began.

GIR jumped up and attached himself to the back of Zim’s head so Zim floored it. He went into the woods and drifted between trees, over creeks, and even through a fence of the local playground. All through this he could hear them behind him running calling for him to do this or that so Zim ended up opening his PAK for a kind of stun gun he had in his arsenal. With the gun shooting behind himself slowing them down even more. That did nt help him when one found her way on the carrier.

“Take me with you! Take me with you!”

“Ahh!” Zim will never feel shame for slapping her in the face and making her fall into the lake.

Soon he rose into the air up into the bridge that goes over the lake. Zim swerved to miss cars and at one point a skool bus. Zim grunted as he leaned to the right to scrap out of the way at the last second. He was practically hanging on for dear life as the kids in the bus scream while the pig passed by. ‘Well kids this isn’t a walk in the park for me either!?’ thought Zim as he felt him hands start to go numb from making sure the pig didn’t crash with quick turns and maneuvers. After one last turn the pig suddenly gained more air and flew up above the city.

“Finally! Soon we will be home and we can forget this crazy day even happened!” GIR cheered as they went over buildings and into the skyline. “And even better? Because of all the good work you did we can have tacos when we are home!” GIR cheered even louder while Zim just felt accomplished. ‘I know I said he wasn’t getting a reward but come on. He deserved it and you know what? I deserve one too after all this today.’

Of course that was when a bee came and blew out the pig’s eye.

As he crashed and had GIR not only pulling at his antenna but screaming in his face he wondered what he did to deserve this. He blinked as he saw a gym like building come up to meet them and vaguely thought ‘Ow’ before he even hit the ground. Soon the two of them got up off the pig painfully to see a bunch of earthlings staring slack jawed at him. “What?” he asked as he rubbed his jaw only to see the banner behind him.

‘Alien life: fact or fiction?’

Oh come on!

Chapter Text

Zim looked around at the chaos around the room. This ‘paste’ was everywhere. Paste is on the desks, on the ceiling, and on the walls. Keef is pasted to the ceiling. Lizard Boy is glued to Brian's desk. Aki's head is stuck to her desk. Spoo was dripping down from the ceiling. He looked to the front where Ms. Bitters was scolding Melvin for eating glue. He shook his head as he realized the boy had his mouth glued shut.

He snickered to himself as allowed his elbow to sit on the desk to lay his head on his hand. He turned to stare at the dark clouds when a strange rumble was heard. What on earth was that? He watched as the sky seemed to start. . . . crying? What? He watched as drops of water hit the window and drift down when Dib popped up next to his desk. “Hello Dib” he said absentmindedly as he watched the water race down the window. It was relaxing surprisingly.

“Whats going on Zim? Never seen rain before?” asked Dib almost menacingly. Rain? Is that what it was called? Interesting. He just shrugged at Dib watching the rain slowly fall. He could feel Dib glare but he didn’t care. He was just enjoying the rain and the flashes of light that happened. It was pretty.

Soon class was over and they could leave the skool. Zim looked out at the falling the rain watching the children running out like wild animals. He whispered “PAK prepare to scan.” After a small beep Zim lifted a hand out to catch some of this rain.

Then came the pain.

When the rain hit his finger it started to sizzle then smoke. He quickly pulled it back under the cover of the roof and covered it with his other hand to hide the smoking. He hissed as he tried to stop himself from scream in the agony his hand was going through. The PAK was collecting data from the drop that hit him while he leveled out his breathing like he hadn’t got acid to the hand.

Soon he was able to lean on the wall behind him acting like he was perfectly fine as he reviewed the data he collected. Hmm. It seemed the water itself was fine but the pollution was what was causing the problem. This would need more investigating.

As he stood there he watched the kids play in the rain. They danced and sung while he watched. He did lift an eyebrow when they started to flout and fly through the air. He turned his head to watch as they flew in loops in the air only to come face to face with Dib. He nodded his head in greeting and continued to watch the kids dance and hop in the rain wondering if this was normal or if his classmates were odd even by earth standards.

Suddenly he had a thought. He knew earth coats were a second covering. They protected the human from things like cold and heat. So it would keep a human dry right? Zim turned to look closer at the glaring human beside him. Hmm. Idea.

He turned and smiled at Dib who now leaned away from him knowing something was going to happen now. In a blink Zim pantsed Dib who cried out in shock. When he leaned over to lift back up his pants Zim yanked the coat off of Dib. “Sorry Dib! Barrowing this!” He threw the coat over his head and ran to the tree in the front. He then examined himself as the kids laughed at Dib and Dib screaming about alien scum.

“Hmm. The coat is not perfect. A short run and it is already getting worryingly damp. A new solution is needed.” He turned and watched as Gaz walked out of the school with a strange covering. It sat on a stick and had some material that made a mobile dry spot. He tossed the coat back over his head and ran up to her to examine the thing. She paused not saying a word when he got up close to look at it. “What is this?” he whispered as he looked at every part he could with just his eyes. “An umbrella. You can get one for the cheap at the local store. Now move. I got things to do.” Zim nodded and moved out of her way noticing that the rain had stopped.

Before she could get more than a few footsteps away a large splash of water hit them both. Thankfully Zim was covered mostly by the coat but his legs took a lot of damage. He clamped his lips shut as he screamed in absolute agony with only his pride keeping him from falling or screaming like a earth banshee.

See Dib, he thought dimly, I can remember the name of your earth myths.

He blinked back tears and noticed Dib had gotten Gaz as well in his jump attack and thought the boy wasn’t going to be a problem soon. Gaz was going to kill him in his sleep tonight. Zim ripped the coat off and flung it at Dib who fell do to the momentum. Dib sat up and ripped the coat off his head smirking as he watched the smoke come off Zim’s legs. “Oh, Zim. I’m so sorry! I meant for that to be a bigger splash!” he said in a sickly-sweet voice. Zim just blinked back innocently ignoring his pain as he said “That’s ok Dib. You always were a failure at things like this.” Zim noticed Gaz starting to snicker while Dib gasped like a earth fish.

Zim did a two-finger salute like he saw on Tv and said “Later” then walking away in a calm manner. Zim loved that Tv could teach you things like this ‘cool’ human children tried to imitate. It was so easy.

He stopped by the store picking up a nice dark pink umbrella along with a blue one that he could take apart and figure out how it was made. It would be a interesting little project for the night he thought. As he walked home with his new umbrellas he overheard two familiar voices. “Score one for the human race! Score nothing for the Zim... thingy race.”

Oh ho ho.

Look who Zim found.

And even better? A big puddle that Dib had to walk over.

Wonderful.

Zim did the math real quick and waited for the perfect moment. He bent down ready to jump as they got closer. He poked the top of his head out to look and see Dib walking backward as he yacked about beating Zim. His eyes met Gaz’s and he looked at the puddle knowing she would get it. She nodded and backed up as Dib continued on. “I swear, sometimes even I scare myself with how amazingly I!” Perfect! Zim jumped out and landed right in front of Dib screaming in his face. Dib yelled as he flailed trying to get his balance back only to fall into the dirty puddle. Zim smirked as he said “How amazingly you can fall into a puddle? I agree completely Dib-human.”

Dib wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as he got back up to his feet. “Alright, Zim. You wanna play this way, I'll get you back!” Dib narrowed his eyes into a glare as he said “Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon! Soon, watery vengeance will be mine!” They smirked at each other before Zim left. Oh Dib-human have no worry. I’ll get you. Promise.

Time seemed to move in a blink and it was Friday again. It seemed that Ms. Bitters was mad about the Paste Armageddon the kids had caused so they were trying it again. Zim found himself in the back messing around with the stuff wondering what he was meant to be doing. When he tried to place the brush back he noticed some paste splattered on to his glove. He blinked and then felt a little bit of it with his other hand. While he poked and rubbed the small sample on his gloves the PAK did a quick scan of it.

Soon he noticed eyes on him so he looked up and stared right at Dib. They stare for a moment before Dib did a little devious smirk. He got up from the table and ran to the sink behind Zim. There he turned the handle just enough to let water slowly drip out causing a echo from behind Zim. Zim just smirked a little as he watched the others around him become aware of the sound.

The kids started to squirm around him before almost everyone raised a hand saying “Ms. Bitters! Can I use the toilet!?” Dib looked dumbfounded as if he forgot that was a side effect while Zim just shrugged back

Zim: 1 Dib:0

Soon the skool was over and Zim started to walk home like it was a normal day. He whistled as he danced around puddles and hopped over small obstacles. He made a point to glance around making sure Dib couldn’t jump out from around him as he spun around a fire hydrant. He was halfway home when he heard “Hey! Zimmy!” what on Irk was a Zimmy?

He turned only to see a smirking Dib with a green thing in his hand. He tossed it right at Zim who only smiled a little and a Pak leg came out fast to pierce the thing and retreat before Dib could see it. Unfortunately because of the momentum from Dib’s throw the water hit Zim’s chest and legs causing agony. He clamped his mouth shut and felt his knees buckle but there was no way he was going to doing anything close to a bow in front of this human.

He blinked his eyes to see Dib snickering into his hands before he looked up with a nasty smirk. “How advanced is an alien race that can't handle a little water balloon? I don't even feel good about winning this one.”

Oh no.

Dib-human you just crossed a line.

No one insults Irk.

Zim walked up to Dib making sure he exerted the hunter aura that came naturally to the Irkens. They had learned to hide it to blend into other beings for when they snuck to their planets. According to Tallest Miyuki it was something that the Irkens had made sure their children learned after generations of their people being seen as pray. They had risen up from being weak into hunters of their own making.

And this. . . . this worm had insulted his people.

Oh it was on little earthling.

He blinked slowly at Dib watching as that smug little grin turned into a nervous little twitch. Oh Dib-boy. You make it so easy. “You may win this round, perhaps, but watch your back, Dib” he said slowly. “You forget I have access to your technology and my own. I will annihilate you down to your every last cell! On Monday we settle this like children.” He smirked as he patted Dib’s shoulder just to feel that little tremble. “See you Monday Dib.”

Then he got to work.

He pulled up his study of the paste he had taken in class and looked at its cellular level through the computer screen. He ran a simulation on the computer by separating one molecule of paste from the rest and making paste cell go over a small box. With a few more clicks he saw what would happen if rain were to fall on the box. He started to snicker as he watched how the box was perfectly fine with in the past.

Looks like Zim was going to win this round Dib.

Within moments he was ready to test out the paste to see if it would help him. He covered his body in the paste armor he had made and then made water rain from his ceiling. He turned his hands to watch the rain slide off easily and looked over his back to see it also falling off his back. He felt a smirk starting to emerge but before that he had to do one final test. With one push of the button three water balloons came at him and burst soaking him to the bone as humans said.

And he was perfectly fine

Time to work on the next step of the plan he thought as he cackled in delight.

After a full weekend of work Monday had arrived with Zim watching the cameras he posted around the skool. He smirked as he watched Dib enter the grounds with a large tank of water on his back. The mutters they released were caught well by the cameras, something Zim was proud of. As they asked things like 'what's going on' and 'what's happening’ while Dib looked around for Zim. When he couldn’t find him he started yelling out “Zim!” much to Gaz’s frustration.

Zim shook his head thinking the girl was going to kill him in his sleep one day and he wouldn’t be shocked at all.

“Zim, you coward! Come out here and face me!” and as if waiting for Dib’s call the children spread to show a Zim cowering. Zim rubbed the back of his head not really liking the image of himself being a coward but the had to be a sacrifice for every plan to work. He did applaud Dib for wanting Zim to face him like a man and seemingly reluctant to face him without a weapon or such.

Goes to show the kid has ethics.

Zim watched in anticipation as Dib activated his machine. Arms moved back and up only for Zim to deadpan. “A slingshot? Really? You had two days and you made a water balloon slingshot?” His head fell into his hand as he said “I figured you would come in with a water canon or something. At least a hose so you could catch me if I avoided.”

He sat up as Dib prepared to fire. “Well now I feel bad. I did just do over kill I think, but oh well! I put way too much work to just scrap it now!” He hit the activation button with a menacing grin and watched as the water started to gather. He started giggling as pools drain, showers stopped, even water preserves were drained. He felt the giggles get deeper and darker as the water formed a tornado and raised into the air. Soon it was gathered into his balloon and Zim was tightening the end to make sure nothing came out.

With the flick of the wrist the balloon was tied and ready for launch. With one final cackle Zim hit the button that locked on to Dib and fired the balloon. He waved as he yelled “Bye Bye Dib! Good luck!” He laughed long and hard as the balloon covered the town.

When he caught his breath he looked at the destruction he had caused and purred a little. Look at all that rubble! Zim felt very proud. Especially when he say Dib flouting in the water mummering something that looked like ‘The Wettening’ over and over. He started giggling to himself when Gaz walked up to Dib and just dropped a water balloon on his head startling him up in the water.

If earth was going to have a ruler one day he knew it was going to be Gaz he was sure.

After shutting down the satellite he jumped down in the Zhook and went back to earth. There he found the door to his completely obliterated base and Gir swimming through the water that came to the middle of Zim’s boots. As he jumped in the entrance to his toilet entrance to the lab he thought ‘all in all its been a good day.’

And down he went ready to research how long it took for humans to rebuild after something like this.

Chapter Text

Zim wondered how he ended up in this mess.

The day had started normal enough. He walked Gir for a bit before Skool before giving him a list of things to do in hopes of delaying the future destruction for a bit. He ate a filling breakfast and walked to skool chatting with the classmates he met up with. Who knew Chunk was not only a muscle head but a well of information about cats?

So after that interesting chat the bell started ringing. So off to class they went.

Maybe that was where he went wrong?

Ms. Bitters had demanded that they tell her what future jobs they wanted. That had been interesting to learn. He never would have guessed that Spoo wanted to be a fireman or Sara a veterinarian. By The Great Irk! He had even found out Ms. Bitters wanted to be an astronaut but her ship had imploded in the black!

Maybe that was what had made her a strange phantom like being?

While he was contemplating this Ms. Bitters told them about the test they had to take to decide their futures and handed out papers with ink blots on it. Was this how humans decided their futures? Really? He guessed not because he could hear Dib ask “What does identifying blotches have to do with determining our future careers?”

So this skool was just odd good to know.

As Ms. Bitters shook her head at Dib calling him a ‘poor, doomed child’ Zim was looking at the shapes. ‘Hmm. I’d say a human heart, octagon, and a human fish. Done!’ He dropped his pencil with a little hum when he noticed his left hand scratching at his neck. Lifting his hand away he brought his hand down in front of his face staring at his claws wondering if he had something on them.

His neck was still itchy.

How odd.

As he wondered what could have caused a reaction today Ms. Bitters was calling out “Time's up! Pass your papers forward!” Soon he was started back in his chair as a machine busted through the ceiling of the classroom. He sat there for a moment blinking as the words 'POS 2000' written on the side wondering what this was. ‘How did a skool that failed to even feed it’s kids properly afford this?’ he wondered as he blinked at the machine.

She flouted past all the front desks grabbing the papers before going back to the machine. With a nasty grin she placed the papers in as she said “The machine will now decide your fate.” Within a minute or so the machine spat out one small paper which Zim assumed had all the names and future jobs of the kids. He sighed thinking he could try and ask Ms. Bitters later how it chose what job but knew she would never say. He shook his head while Ms. Bitters started calling out jobs for the students.

“Brian, you're going to be a fireman!”

Zim watched the boy blink in shock before saying “But I wanted to be a doctor!” Zim leaned back as Ms. Bitters growled like some kind before snapping out a “Quiet! The machine has spoken!” before turning to another child. “Sara, you are going to be an astronaut!” ‘And there goes Sara’ as the long-haired girl burst into tears. “Spoo, you will be a veterinarian!” called out Ms. Bitters. Zim felt his forehead start to pound in pain from the sheer confusion he was feeling as wondered what answers these kids placed.

‘Did the machine just pick at random from the list of names the kids said earlier? Because that’s what it sounds like!’

When Dib got paranormal investigator Zim just knew this thing was rigged.

“Zim, the machine says that the only career you are suitable for is fast food preparation!” Oh the twitch of the eyebrow had returned! It had been a bit! Zim felt a strained smile form on his face as he said “Great. Thank you, Ms. Bitters.” ‘Oh someone is getting hacked into a dark hole at least! I am a feared Explorer Irken! And I can only make processed food!? Really!?’ It was safe to say Zim was going to punch someone.

Probably Dib if the snickering didn’t stop.

Ms. Bitters got to the door opening it and calling out “Now, children! Find your partner!” Kids started walking out to meet up with a ninja, a vet, a doctor, business men, a fireman, a sumo wrestler, a Avon lady, a plumber, and even a maniac. Zim stood in the door rubbing his neck as he thought about some of these jobs. Maybe he was lucky to end up in a fast food place because a few of these people were just creepy.

And that was the alien talking here.

Dib walked up to Zim with a grin asking “What's the matter with your neck, Zim? Some kind of alien spore?” half serious half joking. Zim just looked over with an easy smile saying “Nah. I got to close to Chunk and he touched my neck. Boy eats so much nastiness in the morning it is causing a reaction. It will be fine by tomorrow I’m sure” ‘Maybe’ Zim thought as he rubbed his neck again. He still had no idea what caused the reaction, but he wasn’t going to let Dib know that. The human did a little hum wondering if that was the truth by decided to let the alien have this because he was just to excited about his mentor.

A Mac Meaties employee walked up to them glancing between the boys. He was wearing the uniform along with a burger hat. Zim felt a small gag in the back of his throat at the huge pimple on the mans face that honestly looked infected. ‘Oh today is going to be great! I can just tell!’ thought Zim sarcastically. “That’s me. Where do we start?” asked Zim in a, hopefully, excited voice. He must have pulled it off because the man, Simon, smiled and said “Come on. We are going to the restaurant because my break is almost over.”

And off they went.

Simon didn’t have a car so Zim was hanging out in the basket of the bike taking in the sights. He was wondering about his neck and the rash that was getting worse. Did he touch something? Did GIR mess with something? What was going on?

He felt Simon start to slow down and looked up to see Mac Meaties standing tall and proud. He glanced at the sign where he hummed at the '8 billion serve’ it proclaimed. ‘That’s more then the population so I know that isn’t right. So they are lying or a letter fell off.’ Looking at Simon who was busy locking up his bike he thought ‘it could be both to be honest’ and left it at that.

Once they were inside they got right to work. Simon showed how to safely and quickly make fries while Zim sighed playing a bit with his burger hat. Simon was lifting the fries out of the fryer saying “You wanna be very careful not to touch any of the grease 'cause it's kind of hot.” Zim looked at the grease wondering if this was why humans were big as Simon moved the fries over to a counter top. He picked up some shakers with seasoning in it saying “And then you add the meat seasoning.”

“Meat seasoning? I thought it was salt and pepper?” asked Zim as he remembered the few cooking shows him and GIR has seen in the name of trying to know the earthling diet. At least that’s what he told himself and the Tallest as he watched cake wars and such. He was brought back from the memory of his friends trying to say they believed him as they snickered into their hands and food by Simon’s voice.

“After you master the fries you get to work the grill. Not a bad deal when you consider that it is only 4 promotions before you run the store.” Zim blinked wondering if that was a good idea. Before they become the Tallest Red and Purple had to work for years. They started as small no name Invaders who worked to have so many worlds under their belts. After that they had to study and work under the Tallest Spork who was a taskmaster of the highest order. It took over one hundred years before the Tallest even thought of giving his friends control over even the smallest planet never mind the whole empire.

And this human made it sound like Zim could move up after a few hours.

Red and Purple were going to lose it later.

At least he would have a good laugh after all this.

Hours had past and he thinks he is doing a good job so far. No one is complaining and Simon has walked off after a hour or so teaching how the front works. Right now he is working away at the cash register making fries when they were running low. So far so good right? He was now getting a Meat Shake ready for a girl and her father who he thought may have gone to Skool with him. He wondered how she got out of this ordeal without Ms. Bitters coming after her like a possessed Mehsa.

Damn things can hunt you to the end of the universe.

He cringed away as he watched the way the meat congealed and fell into the cup in meaty chunks. Humans drank this? Didn’t meat have to be cooked? He popped a top on it and dropped it on the counter just as the father lost it. “Come on, we're in a hurry here! We have to make it to the observatory by five so we can watch the equinox!” Zim had just finished ringing him up when he heard equinox. He slammed his head up and almost yelled “The equinox is tonight!?”

The man leaned against the counter making noise that sounded like he was agreeing but Zim was past listening. He felt his neck and knew the Molt was here. His brain kept running around in circles around the fact the Molt was here.

The equinox was tonight? But Purple and Red said his had tomorrow! Then he snapped his head up and thought ‘But they are not running on a 24-hour clock! No!’ For years they had kept each other on the clock for the equinox. So Zim had trusted them enough not to run the math himself.

So this was his fault for forgetting they now ran on different clocks.

By The Great Irk! He was a complete moron!

He speed walked over to Simon and didn’t even wait for the man to look at him before he blurted out “I have to go home.” Simon, who was mopping the floor, looked over with an eyebrow cocked said “If you take off, it'll be in your file forever, and you'll never get promoted.” Zim felt a Tsk leave his mouth as he rubbed at his neck.

‘It is getting worse’ he thought as he felt a few pus-filled bubbles pop just from him rubbed at it. He looked over at the front on the store half expecting Ms. Bitters to be there like a ghoul watching him. If they reported that he left early that woman would have cause to come to the house. With how Ms. Bitters was he wouldn’t be shocked if she discovered he wasn’t human from some little thing like the way Robot Mother spoke or something.

And Zim couldn’t risk that.

So he turned to Simon saying “Then I need to take a break at 5. My mother didn’t expect me to be that late today so I need to call her so she doesn’t worry.” Simon made an uncomfortable face as if remembering Zim wasn’t a real employee but a 14-year-old boy. Zim felt like he was going to win this round only for Simon to point to a different man and say “You're gonna have to talk to the shift captain about that.”

As Zim looked over at the shifty eyed man he felt like he lost before he even talked to the man.

The hours pasted like pus and Zim was freaking out. The man hadn’t budged even when Zim brought up the fact he wasn’t a real employee. Apparently because he was signed up at the skool he had to do what the skool told him to do. So his mother would have to worry herself sick if she didn’t think to call the skool. Zim hoped this man didn’t procreate.

Soon it was 5:58 and Zim was panicking. He stared at the clock trying to think how to get away from people. He wondered how the did he end up here right now. Was it because he didn’t do his own math? Because Ms. Bitters was an evil ghoul? Because Dib was a annoyance who would jump on him at the smallest sign of weakness? It was a lot of things he was sure.

He blinked hard thinking up a last-ditch idea just as Simon called out “Hey! Some guys are chasing after Cocofang!” As the customers crowded around the window to watch Zim made a quick run outside. He looked into the dumpster thanking The Great Irk that it was empty. He jumped in and used his PAK leg to close the doors after him. As he covered his antenna with the hat better to make sure he couldn’t smell anything he got ready for the Molt.

He felt the tingle come along with a message from his PAK saying “Molt commencing” and rubbed at his now clean face thinking ‘I’ll see you in a few minutes’ and then the pain started. He growled as his face became a spreading blob like mass. Within moments the dumpster was broken apart from the spreading mass and went into the street. Cars were stopped and people were crushed under the mass of pus. It even came up over the roof of Mac Meaties and a bit of the sides of the building.

Zim tried to think of anything to ignore the pain. What GIR was doing at the house. What experiments he had running at the moment. The new update he had to do on his PAK. He even wondered about asking Dib how his career study was going but the pain would drive the thoughts out before they even fully formed. Suddenly the PAK dinged with a message saying “Molt Done” and the blob retracted back into his face.

He sat up with a sigh as he took in the damage around him. The dumpster was broken like a blooming flower or something while cars around him were crushed and covered in pus. He blinked at all the green and sighed in defeat. The shift captain was going to lose it wasn’t he. Zim walked back in, grabbed a towel like he washed his hands, and walked back to the front. “Sorry. Doing some dishes in the back. Did I hear something about Cocofang being chased?” Simon turn with a smile and said “Hey! Your looking better?” Zim just did a easy smile as he said “Grease from the fries. Just didn’t agree with me. After a small break doing something else the reaction calmed down.” Simon nodded and said “That’s ok. You can man the front while I take care of fries and such ok?” Zim smiled and said “Perfect.”

They passed the Shift Manger and Zim stopped to look up at him. “Sir. When I was walking to the front, I thought I heard a sound from the back door. I figured it was more important to get to the front in case there were orders so I ignored it. What would you like me to do: check the back? Or work with Simon?” The manger grunted and picked up a broom. “It is probably that weird green dog sniffing around for leftovers again” and he walked off huffing about the dog while Zim felt his eyebrow twitch as he wondered if it was even safe to bring GIR around here.

Soon he smiled wide as he heard a loud “MY CAR!” from the back.

Zim had no idea how he ended up here but right now he was feeling pretty good about it.

Chapter Text

Dib wondered how he got here. Like how did the day start out so well only to implode this bad?

Dib was feeling pretty good this morning. When Ms. Bitters handed out the sheet with the blobs he already knew what career he would get. After all, what career had to do with Ghosts, Bigfoot, and Mothman that wasn’t a paranormal investigator? So when Ms. Bitters said he was going to be a paranormal investigator he felt so good. It was just added to when he found out Zim was going to work fast food.

Today was going to be a good day he thought.

After every names was said and mentors were given the kids were released out of the room. After a minute or two only Zim and him were left in the room which he saw as an opportunity. Walking up behind the alien he saw what looked like boils form on the side of his neck. How odd. He knew for a fact that Zim didn’t have those this morning so within the thirty minutes or so it took for class to start and the test to be graded the things hand formed.

Fascinating.

Dib has asked about them, making a crack about them being spores just because he could. Zim just shrugged nonchalantly and said “Nah. I got to close to Chunk and he touched my neck. Boy eats so much nastiness in the morning it is causing a reaction. It will be fine by tomorrow I’m sure.” Dib just hummed back bot really believing him. Zim didn’t let anyone touch him as a rule so he didn’t believe that for a second but right now he just didn’t care to much.

He blinked when the Mac Meaties employee walked up and Zim charmed him with a word or two. He just sighed as the two walked off wondering how someone with a meat allergy was going to work with meat all day. ‘Heh’ he thought with a little sneer ‘maybe I can convince my mentor to stop by for lunch and enjoy the show?’

With that he took off looking for his mentor.

He walked down the hallway looking at the other meetings between kids and their mentors as he looked for his own. Flan was standing with a Ninja trying to do the pose he was shown but it was clear he was not impressed with Flan's imitation of it. Dib felt a small chuckle come out when he saw Matthew P. Mathers III, one of the skinniest kids he ever saw, try to run away from his sumo wrestler partner while squealing. The sumo grins wide and grabs the boy then started spinning him in the air, much to Matthew’s clear hatred. He looked in another direction to see the skool nurse showing Zita a bed pan who, to his surprise, looked really interested. He sighed when he glanced over to see Gaz was partnered with a studio guard from their father’s studio.

Of course, she wouldn’t have to do something new like work.

He rolled his eyes as he turned from her only to see Mary go green as plumber mentor pulled a ball of filth from the water fountain. He shivered in disgust and turned to look over at Lizard Boy who was partnered with either a serial killer or a maniac because, Dib thought, he was being shown the right way to choke someone if the hand movements were anything to go by.

He stopped moving to glance around again wondering how the skool found all these random people. Did they take an ad out in freaks only newspaper or something?

Suddenly a mans voice came from next to him. “Your name. . . Dib?” causing Dib to look to his right to see a man in sunglasses looking forward as if not to draw attention to their meeting. ‘Well this is a great start’ thought Dib with a twitch of the lip ‘It seems I’m with secret agent man who has watched a lot of spy movies.’ Dib stared forward thinking he would let this slide after all this man could be the key to catching Zim. “Yes” nodded Dib as he watched kids start to depart with their mentors. “Call me. . . Bill.” ‘The way he is saying that makes me think fake name’ thought Dib before deciding to hurry this up. “I've got something to show you, Bill. There's an actual alien in my class and I have-”

Only to be cut of by a chuckle from Bill.

‘Oh you are walking on thin ice Mr. Investigator’ thought Dib with a small twitch of an eyebrow starting. ‘I’m about a step away from ruining you mate.’ The investigator started going off about how Dib had to open his mind to the things he was going to see and Dib just knew he was going to hate this guy.

He just knew it.

So Dib kept his mouth shut and followed Bill outside the skool where a black car pulled up in front of them with tinted windows. Dib blinked back at his reflection in the window waiting to see how Bill wanted this sitting arrangement. Only for the doors to open by themselves revealing that there was no driver in the car. He slipped into the front seat glancing around wondering how he could afford a self-driving car because these things were not cheap.

As they drove off Dib looked over to see Zim sitting in a basket chatting to Simon as they biked to the restaurant. ‘At least one of us looks to be having some enjoyment out of this’ Dib thought as they sped down the street and closer to the edge of town.

He stared out the wind watching the animals and fields pass by as Bill was going on a rant about how ‘corporations are behind a lot of the conspiracies’ and ‘the government just one big conspiracy’. That was something even a day old Paranormal Investigator would know. Hell even a normal Investigator would know those facts. ‘I’m not going to learn anything today am I’ thought Dib as he watched the car run over a cow then a duck.

Dib glanced down at the floor when he heard movement wondering if one of the animals got in. It would be his luck to see a cow head truing to get into the car wouldn’t it? Only to see files sliding on the floor near his feet. He leaned down picking them up and looking at the 'C.H.U.M.S' stamped across the front. With an eyebrow lifted he started to flip through the files remembering which ones he knew had been disproven and which were possible.

“So what am I holding here?” ask he looked at the Frankenchokey file wondering what it was meant to be. He heard the excitement in Bill’s voice as he said “Oh, case files! I brought them along to show you the difference between the serious paranormal, and the frauds. The top bundle are the real ones, the bottom ones are complete bunk.” Dib blinked and called the ones he just flipped past.

Those were what he was studying? So what was in the reject pile?

He started flipping again and wanted to scream. ‘So Ghosts, Bigfoot, and dinosaurs are fake. Please tell me he is joking?’ Dib looked up at him and tried to give him an excuse by saying “You have a bit of a filing problem? It seems you've got big foot and dinosaurs in with the fake stuff” he said with an uneasy smile hoping the man would take the olive branch. The man glanced over with a sly smirk as he said in an almost mocking tone “You think those things are real? That's exactly what they want you to believe!”

Dib looked back down at the files trying to resist the urge to throw them in his face. He flipped again and stopped staring at the file feeling like he had just found a holy grail in garbage. ‘What the hell?’ “And this file? What does it mean?” asked Dib as he stared at the file named 'Galactic Equinox, alien molt phenomenon.' Bill looked over and snickered a bit. “Heh. The galactic equinox theory. At 5 o'clock tonight, the galaxies are going to be perfectly lined up. My colleagues believe that this will cause all the aliens that are living off their own planet to go through a hideous molt for a few seconds. Don't read that garbage.”

‘This is it. The answer! Zim probably didn’t remember the molt and came to skool! So if I can get to Mac Meaties I can get it on tape! Even better is this guy doesn’t believe but others will! I can win this!’ Dib thought with a savage smile on his face. This could be the ultimate check mate in their little war!

“Sir! I got to get to Mac Meaties by 5! Please!”

The man suddenly went “Shh. We're here.” Dib felt like he want to scream as he took in the crop circle in front of them. He watched as Bill got out with some kind of machine looking around while Dib sighed from the front seat. ‘If I call the lab and tell Dad something like this dude brought me out to a creepy field for nothing, maybe he will send a car? I will beg if I have to.’

He hoped out of the car to watch the man walk around the field saying “It's a message from creatures much more intelligent than us! Space beings who have traveled millions of light years to say something, but what does it mean?” Dib just glanced to the side and said “I think it’s a fake, Bill.” Bill turned angerly and said “You're one of those skeptics, aren't you? Always questioning, always picking away at my theories! One day you'll see that-” Dib just sighed as the man went on a rant thinking of the times had done that to his class. ‘I’m going to get them a cake. Everyone likes cake right? Because if this is what they have to deal with from me they deserve cake.’

Dib just cut into the rant with a small chough and pointed to the side where a cow was rolling like a dog. Where the two simply stared a minute the Dib turned back to ask “Now can we go to Mac Meaties, please?”

They did not got to Mac Meaties.

Dib found himself sitting on the hood of the car while Bill was holding his device up to the cow as if it would act as a translator. Dib glanced at his watch thinking fast. ‘Ok. I’ve let this dude try to convince he was right and nothing. We have been here since the morning and now it is 5:45. It’s my turn now.’ He looked up at Bill who was still asking the cow questions and wondered how he was going to get this to work. He then glanced at the billboard behind him and smirked.

‘Thank you, Dad, for having that board of events going on around the town! I so owe you one!’ Dib felt a little chuckle as he thought ‘I’ll even cancel a hunt to go to one like you hope. I saw a few that seemed interesting enough. Maybe I’ll even drag Zim to one just to watch his reaction.’ The smirk got bigger as he wondered what Zim’s reaction to pottery or something similar.

‘But that’s later. It’s time to see if I can catch me some proof!’ “Hey Bill? I saw you had a case on Count Cocofang. Did you know he is doing an event today at 5?” Bill almost dropped the machine in his hast to turn. “What do you know about that abomination!?” Dib didn’t allow the satisfied smile on his face as he glanced up at the board again saying “Mac Meaties. Today. 5.”

Bill tossed the machine into the field saying “We haven't got much time! Let's roll!!” And that smile covered Dib’s face as they raced to Mac Meaties. A checkmate was coming and so far it was in Dib’s favor.

They sped down the streets in a breakneck pace as Bill told him about Count Cocofang. “I've been following the Cocofang case for years. Everybody thinks he's made-up, but he's not. Once I catch him, the world will know what I've known all along! Count Cocofang is an actual vampire, just as Frankenchokey is an actual franken... thing!” Dib just nodded and made the right sounds he guessed because Bill never noticed how he wasn’t listening. The closer they got to Mac Meaties the closer Dib was to victory. This was the day wasn’t it? The day Dib would win. He could feel himself vibrate almost in the feeling.

Dib was going to win!

Only for Bill to see Count Cocofang at the Bun's Market.

Dib never knew he could feel that murderous but here he was shaking now in pure rage. “Come on kid! We will end this menace once and for all!” Dib had heard of the red haze that took over sometimes. How it colored a person’s world and made them act out. Right now all he saw was red as Bill pulled him from the car into the line for a signature from the famed Count Cocofang.

Kids complained about cutting till Bill pushed the first one into a mud puddle. He then took out a stake and entered a fighting stance as he said “Come on, Fang! Let's dance!” Fang clearly panicked before making a run for it. Bill ran after him after grabbing Dib by his arm and dragging him along. They ran in circles while Dib just hung like a rag doll from Bill’s hand feeling more and more of that red bleed into his head.

Soon they ran out into the road where Count Cocofang grabbed onto the back of a passing tanker and gets away. Dib and Bill stop, with Bill breathing heavily and Dib shaking even more. Dib forced his body to turn to Mac Meaties were he saw green over take everything from the back of the store.

‘How did it come to this?’ thought Dib with a strange distance. It sounded like it echoed from miles away. ‘Everything was going well. I was going to win. Then something went wrong. What was that?’

He then felt a hand pat his shoulder and a voice say “I know, little man. I feel your pain. But one day, we'll catch him. One day we'll catch... the Fang.”

Dib felt his eyebrow twitch as he thought ‘Oh that’s where.’

Before he could think better of it he slammed a knee into Bill’s nuts with a vicious he only thought Gaz had. Go figure. As Bill squeaked and fell to the road Dib felt some of that haze slip away. It was still there but Dib felt like he could breath a little easier now. He then said “You’re a jerk” and stomped away. He stopped by the car and took out the knife he kept in his boots from the time he was about 11 for protection and stabbed Bill’s tires.

The haze faded even more.

He heard the yell of “MY CAR!” but he honesty didn’t care if it was Bill or someone else. He started the long walk home wondering how he got here.

He just want to lay in bed and forget this day was a thing.

Chapter Text

Dib was running.

He was running so fast he thought his lungs were going to give out but he wasn’t going to stop. No way! In his right hand was his suitcase from the Swollen Eyeball and in his left was a slip of paper. This paper was the answers to all his hopes and dreams. Once he had the paper was filled out he could go to a Swollen Eyeball meeting! There he could share his findings and finally been seen as an important member of the group!

All he needed was his father to sign the damn thing!

He looked up to see the studio his father was filming his show ‘Probing the Membrane of Science’ was being filmed. He was so close! He put on a little extra bit of speed only for a metal rod to come across his chest throwing him to the ground. Then a nasally voice saying “Whoa! Whoa! Audience tryouts are on the OTHER side of the building!” before a electric shock enveloped him.

Dib yelped in pain before it was gone again. He looked up to see some thin almost teenage looking man dressed in the standard Membrane Security black uniform. He stood over Dib with a tazer stick ready to hit him again if he moved wrong. Dib leaned back taking deep breaths trying to get the oxygen back into his lungs before trying to reason with the clearly overzealous man.

Ok. He was ready.

He slowly lifted his hands to show he meant no trouble and sat up. He saw the man lift the tazer threateningly, so Dib just spread his arms more to show he meant no harm. “So there is confusion here. Hi. My name is Dib Membrane. I’m Professor Membrane’s son. I just need to get in so he can sign something.” The man moved closer with his tazer saying “Nobody gets in to see Professor Membrane without a security clearance!”

Security clearance? Like his dad didn’t even put him on the list of people who could go in? Seriously? Did Gaz have security clearance?

While Dib was thinking the man zapped him again causing another scream. “I can see you plotting! No getting in!” Dib dragged himself back up into his sitting position wondering if he could pull a rich boy and tell the guard he would have his job? It was a 50/50 with his father.

“He's my dad! I just need to see him for a second, man!” And there was the tazer again. Only this time Dib had locked his arm on the cement to make sure he wasn’t down on his back again. “Dude! Really all I need him to sign this!” And the tazer was back at him again. “Stop! Stop with the tazer! Geez! Do you see me with a weapon or threatening anyone?! So stop with the tazer!”

The man narrowed his eyes and slowly lifted the tazer away. Dib slowly got back on his feet patting his butt to knock of some of the dirt he knew had to be there. He glanced down to see his case on its side thankfully looking alright or he really would pull out the rich kid card. He then took a deep breath putting his two hands together in front of his face only to sigh pointing at the man with his hands still in the praying position they were in. “Ok. Lets try this again without a tazer going off. I am the son of Professor Membrane and I need him to sign a paper so I can go to a very important meeting in a few hours.”

“Yeah right! I have heard a lot of excuses ranging from being his lover to his mother! No one without the right clearance goes in these doors!”

Dib couldn’t stop the slap to his forehead from his own hand even if he wanted to. This was ridiculous! “Mate! I just needed to go to my meeting tonight! It is really important! Like end of the world important!” The man just crossed his arms and said “Oh really? Then explain it to me.” Dib bit his lip as he thought of how to phrase it so Mr. Tazer would listen.

He remembered how it all started. He had completed a presentation with everything he had found about Zim and his mission. After weeks of work it was ready. So he had contacted the Swollen Eyeball to present it to them thinking it would be a meeting over the screens like normal. He would have to figure out how to work his 3D parts so they would translate over all the 2D screens but he was willing to make it work. After all, this was his moment! He wasn’t going to let some stupid tech problem stop him from finally being seen as more than some kid with a briefcase.

Only that wasn’t what happened.

A agent listened to what he had to say. He listened and invited Dib to a meeting. A real meeting where he could see the faces of his coworkers. A meeting meaning, he was really apart of the Swollen Eyeball!

Dib thought he was going to cry.

Only for a small snag.

“Are you kidding? I need my dad's permission? At 14?” asked Dib looking into the screen at the agent. “Don't try faking a signature either. The paper is programmed to explode in just such an event.” With that the agent signed off and Dib was blinking at nothing. “Really? A permission slip?” He sighed and walked to his briefcase looking at his already downloaded presentation. “Whatever. At least they are giving me this chance to present my findings on Zim. I can't mess this up.” He closed the case taking a breath to calm his nerves. “This could be my only chance to prove I deserve to be with them.”

Dib blinked and was back in front of the guard realizing he had spoke out loud. Thankfully he had not mentioned alien or anything so he could still swing this in his favor. “So you see? I just need him to sign this and I can go to my meeting. Then I can be one of them and prove my worth! All that’s standing between me and that is a small slip of paper and a signature.”

The man looked at him for a moment only to bring the tazer down on him. “Ow!”

Dib rubbed his chest glaring at the man while Gaz just causally walked up behind him. He turned his head and blinked when he noticed her. “Gaz! What are you doing here?” Gaz looked at him remember this morning. Of sitting down with some leftover pizza from the night before. Of opening the box and picking up that last slice of cheesy goodness. Of lifting it to her mouth ready to savor that first bite.

Only for Dib to interfere.

When he took that slice out of her hands. . . .

He was no longer her brother.

He was now the enemy.

She felt her eyebrow twitch bringing her back to the present with her vow still echoing through her head. “Let it be known that from this day, until the end of the day, vengeance will be mine. Dib, you will not know the meaning of peace, for I shall rain misery down upon your pizza-stealing heart!”

Time for some revenge!

But first to win this fools trust.

“I thought I'd help you out.”

Dib smiled in that clueless way not knowing that when he turned to the guard Gaz started signing to the guard he was nuts. The guard cocked an eyebrow as Dib said “Thank you, Gaz. It's about time somebody helped out.” The guard just looked at him before tazing him again. “As I said Professor Membrane is shooting his show. The only way you get to see him is if you make it into the audience. I’ll do you a small favor and just bring you to the testing center. Good luck fanboy.” The guard then hit a button next to him that brought a large tube down over Dib that sucked him up. Dib smacked his back on the edge and then groaned as he was sucked up.

Gaz did prove to be a caring sister by tossing his briefcase up into the tube after him.

He felt every ding and hit as he was tossed around in the tube.

Why the hell did his father think this was a good idea?

He felt the air leave his lungs when he landed on a chair. He looked around to see he was in a classroom like place with people ranging from small children to grown adults. Hell he even saw a few classmates like Zootch in front of him and Peyoopi behind him and to the right. He was knocked out of his thoughts when his briefcase smacked him in the head causing a goose egg for sure.

He rubbed his head only to look up when he heard “This is the Professor Membrane audience admissions exam.” He looked up to see a robot who was shaped like an egg with two arms holding a pencil and a piece of paper. The robot dropped them on to the desk as it explained “This exam will test your knowledge of science, math, and the personal history of Professor Membrane.”

As the robot drifted away Dib looked at the questions wondering why there was a test to be in the audience. Like weren’t they here to learn? And why did they need to know the personal life of his dad? Were their going to be questions about him, Gaz, and their mother? What the hell dad?

He blinked as he actually went over the questions. He blinked again wondering how this was his life. The first question was “’what was Professor Membrane’s first sentient thought?’ How am I supposed to know what Dad's first sentient thought was? How is anyone to know that?”

“It was, "I will poop now."” Dib blinked as he heard that and turned to see Gaz sitting behind him holding a book with a picture of their father saying ‘I, Membrane’. She lifted the book saying “It's here in his autobiography.” Dib felt himself deadpan as he thought ‘autobiography? Really?’ He blinked as a girl deck out in their father’s merchandise leaned into Gaz’s space saying “Heh, that's not it, it's-” only to get pushed away. ‘Yeah sorry girly. I’m gonna trust my sister with the book in front of her instead of the random person.’

He went to turn back to his test before his head popped up when a thought hit him. “Wait. Gaz how are you even here?” Gaz just looked up at him with a shrug as she said “I took the staff entrance.” Dib blinked at that feeling very empty in the head as he asked “Theres a staff entrance?” Why did he not think to find the staff entrance? From the look on Gaz’s face she was asking the same thing.

Well.

He felt like a moron.

So now it was time to prove to himself that he was actually intelligent.

He picked up his pencil saying “Whatever! Maybe I don't know Dad's first poop, but I can beat this test with my superior knowledge of science.”

With that he started writing answering everything quickly and neatly. Dib felt Gaz look over his shoulder every once in a while but he refused to lose focus even when he saw shake her head at an answer of his. He glanced over at the person sitting to his left, but Gaz shot out standing there, blocking Dib from looking over at him. ‘I guess she thought I am going to cheat. Well to bad for you! I am better then that!’ He glared down at the paper answering question after question glancing up once or twice to see Gaz standing like a sentinel over him.

He took a breath and glanced over the guy who was sitting on the right, but Gaz pops down from the ceiling, upside-down, blocking his view. He twitches back in surprise not expecting his sister to pull some bat like routine. He rolled his eyes and focuses back on the test watching from the corner of his eye as Gaz rises out of view.

Sometimes his sister was so creepy.

Like damn.

He was brought out of his thoughts as the robot zoomed over his head. He knew he couldn’t turn because of Gaz but he could hear. He heard a paper rustle and like it was being scanned. He guessed the girl behind Gaz had handed the paper to be checked he thought to himself as he answered the last question. “94 percent. Your score is...” ‘Ah. So it also has a thing for drawn out answers. Dad definitely made it’ Dib thought as he doubled checked the answers. “UNACCEPTABLE!”

Dib winced as he heard the girl start to cry as she was dragged out. Oh course his father would set the grading level crazy high. Trying to ignore the twinge of anxiety starting to form in his chest he lifted a hand getting the attention of the robot. As the robot took it Dib tried to act like it was just another day instead of acting on the rising fear.

This was his one change.

This was the make or break of his future and all that was standing in between him and it was a test.

A piece of paper.

Dib felt his lip tick up as he thought that.

A permission slip had started this.

Now a test was going to finish it.

The robot brought him out of his slightly hysterical thoughts saying “Evaluating... 94.1 percent.” 94.1. A point over the failure girl. It wasn’t even a point. ‘So this was how it ended?’ thought Dib hugging his case to his chest. ‘Please. Someone give me a miracle? Please?’ thought Dib as he felt tears start to gather under his eyes. “Your score is... acceptable! Congratulations!” ‘What? Really? Oh Thank god!’ thought Dib with a huge smile. He blinked the tears away almost feeling boneless in his relief.

Then he coughed into his fist before placing his briefcase on the desk saying “Okay, that was annoying. Now on to meeting my dad and getting this signed.” He was about to ask the robot where to go when it hovered away, and the tube lowered from the ceiling. Dib had enough time to deadpan and think ‘not this again’ before he was sucked back into the tube. He was banged around in the tube feeling something be slipped on to his clothes till he was spit out into a spotlight. Before he could even think to ask anything, a mechanical arm yanked a helmet on to his head as another mechanical arm slammed a disk-shaped marker on his chest

He looked down taking in the outfit he was placed in. His coat was gone, something he was going to yell at his father about later and was covered in gray protection pads. His legs to his knees, his back, shoulders, even his lower body was covered in gray padding. Dib looked up at the spotlight just asking himself ‘why is dad so weird’.

“Welcome to the audience admissions test, round two!”

“Round two? Really?” asked a deadpanned Dib. Dib felt his eyebrow go while he looked around as the lights went on. He was in a cage. Like as if he was in the WWE about to enter a battle to the death.

Yep.

He was so yelling at his father later.

He glanced behind himself double checking that there was no way out only to see Gaz leaning against the outside of the dome. “Let me guess. Staff entrance?” asked Dib slipped a hand under his glasses to rub at his eye in hopes of helping his developing headache to leave sooner. Gaz just shrugged saying “staff entrance”

And that was the end of that.

“Junior scientist, choose your science tool!” Dib looked over only to see a bit of the floor move over so a set of tools even bigger than Dib could rise up. He blinked as he looked over at the tongs, a dropper, a cork-screw, and a nail file wondering what on earth these could be used for. Where they meant to be used in an experiment of some kind?

If that was how it was then Dib grabbed the dropper. There was no way he was trusting this place to have good protection from chemicals so the dropper was needed. He picked the dropper up and wondered back to his corner trying not to drop it or the briefcase.

“Now, let the battle begin!”

“I’m sorry. What?”

He looked over only to see the tube once more drop someone on the ground. They were dressed in a tan version on the padding that Dib was wearing but he could see purple for a shirt and black for a pants. Then the figure stood showing off the green skin Dib had been running after for months now.

“ZIM!? What are you doing here!?” yelled Dib as Zim jumped in the air with giant q-tip. As he fell back to the ground, he brought the q-tip down clearly aiming to hit Dib. Luckily Dib had learned to duck and roll on instinct so he was out of Zim’s reach for the moment.

Zim stood from the crouch he landed in and leaned against the q-tip like it was some kind of cane with a smile on his face. “I heard about the show and was curious. It was even better when I heard THE Professor Membrane was the host. He is one of the most scientific minds on earth as far as I’m aware. It will be interesting to see how this goes.” Dib glared and said “No! I will protect my father from your evil schemes, Zim!” Zim just looked at him before picking up the q-tip and holding it like a lance.

“Well Dib-human, be prepared to battle. I just need to hit that circle target and the round is over.” With that he charged aiming for the target on Dib’s chest. Dib ducked under the attack and slid under another but he knew it was clumsy. He felt more like he was tripping over his own feet compared to Zim’s graceful sipes. The coolest move he had was falling in an angle- Wait that was it!

When Zim came at him with another thrust Dib leaned to the left almost doing a complete arch with his hands and feet like the teacher in yoga instructed. Man he was sad that she had only lasted a day. But his skool was nuts so he wasn’t shocked. While Zim blinked at the move Dib struck out with his right hand hoping that he had surprised the alien enough for a lucky hit.

Lucky Hit!

Zim backed up placing a hand in front of his chest piece blinking almost confusedly at Dib as a small tune played and the announcer called out “Point goes to contestant number one!”

Dib watched as Zim looked at him almost blankly like he didn’t know what to make of Dib before he walked off to his corner. Dib wondered why there wasn’t yelling or something but decided to shelf it till after the match. He walked over to his corner where Gaz was standing. He sat down placing his briefcase in his lap and leaned the dropper against the cage. He sighed before saying “this just got more important. If I don’t stop Zim he will be way to close to dad. Who knows what he could do to him?”

Dib never saw his sister grit her teeth and walk over to Zim’s side of the cage.

Zim sighed closing his eyes as he rested his chin on his folded hands. That was unexpected. To think the human could move like that was a bit of a shock. He had studied the human body and had come to the conclusion that a healthy 14-year-old male would have lost the flexibility that came with early childhood by now.

Now he needed to do more research to know if he was wrong or Dib was doing something he didn’t know for training.

While he was contemplating this new way of research Gaz appeared by his side of the cage. “You know. You better not lose. Because if you do. I’m going to come after you. And I’m not as nice as Dib” was the hissed threat from the small female. Zim stared after her as she walked away before saying “What just happened?”

Soon it was time for the next match.

“Battle 2 of 3! Test your knowledge of combustion with Pyrochaos!”

Dib and Zim just blinked as the floor gave way till small platforms of varying sizes remained with small bits of fire blowing up from the missing sections. They looked at the other as metal cables came down and attached to the backs of their uniforms. “Is this normal?” asked Zim as he was jerked a bit at the pull from the cable. “Nope!” yelped Dib as he landed on his face from the pull.

Dib sat up looking up at the top of the cage calling out “What does this have to do with science!?” Zim just waited for Dib’s eyes to meet his before shrugging before jumping in a new platform. Dib got back up on his feet, attached his suitcase to a metal ring on his harness before grabbing his dropper and making a run for it.

Once again it was clear how different their level of skill was. Dib jumped and fell more often then he landed on his feet. Zim on the other hand was fine with flipping through the air and landing solid hits with his q-tip.

The only problem seemed to be was that Dib had the devil’s luck on his side.

He would trip or slide from under Zim’s attacks at the last second causing Zim to slowly become annoyed. Soon Zim’s annoyance was becoming even more pronounced leading him to actually shatter a platform with one hit from his q-tip. Dib swallowed nervously from the platform where he was sitting on his butt after another fall. Zim landed on another platform turning so he could look at Dib. He watched as Zim’s eye darted around from Dib, the platforms, the flames, and the cable that was still hooked to Dib’s back.

Dib felt a shiver go down his back at the truly evil smile on Zim’s face.

“So Dib-human. I tire of this. So I’m going to end this now.” With that Zim crouched down as far as he could then launched himself in to the air. Dib scrabbled away from the platform not really knowing what Zim was doing but not wanting to be just sitting when it happened. Zim grabbed the top of the cage with one clawed hand to hold him in place. He then looked down to see Dib running and jumping causing the cable to shake and almost hit Zim in the face.

Zim kicked out at the wire causing it to shake with fast vibrations till it reached Dib causing the boy to scream. Zim let go of the cage causing him to drop fast while Dib tried to gain back his balance. When he felt like he could finally stand straight he noticed that he was standing right at the edge. He yelped trying to get away only to find Zim standing in front of him. They stood there for a moment in silence just staring into the other’s eyes.

Then Zim smiled a small little thing and said “boo”. Dib yelped trying to scrabble away only to fall off the edge and into the flames. He yelled as he fell covering his eyes as the flames spat into his face. He had never felt so much relief when he felt the cable pull taut and how it yanked him back up out of the flames.

Only to feel his chest piece get tapped as he flew into the air.

As the small tune played again he looked down only to see Zim standing there leaning against his q-tip like he did in the beginning of all this just looking up at him. Zim picked the q-tip up and walked back to his corner while Dib slammed back into the ground. After a moment Dib picked himself off the ground and stumbled back to his corner rubbing his nose.

The only upside from that round was how that bloody dropper fell to it’s death in a firey blaze.

He took a deep breath as he thought on the next round.

This was it.

The final.

This final round was going to be the end.

He needed to win. Not only to get the slip signed but to keep Zim far away from his father. Who knew what the alien wanted to do with being that close to one of the smartest minds in the world. It was Dib’s job and absolute pleasure to interfere with everything the green space bug was planning!

Gaz came to his side he noticed with a small glance but kept most of his attention on the boy across the way. He needed to make sure Zim never left his sight. After all, Dib had taken his eyes off him to finish his presentation and look at where he was! Within a hundred feet of his father!

Keeping his eyes on Zim meant he never saw Gaz open her eyes to glare at Zim and run a finger across her throat in a gesture that every being knew.

Zim just blinked back at the siblings choosing not to react to either of them.

“Let the tie breaker begin!”

They both looked up as they heard “Prepare for the final contest! Testing your knowledge of the insect world and cybernetic death machines, cyborarachnarama!” They watched the screen as it showed a spider shape before exploding to show the words 'CYBOR ARACHNA RAMA.'

Dib blinked before saying “Cyberachno? Spider robots?” He then tilted his head before he murmured “Do spiders have robots?” to himself. He blinked as he realized he had said that a little louder than he had intended. He sighed as he heard Gaz’s muffled giggle and saw Zim’s amused smirk. ‘Yep. They aren’t going to let me forget that anytime soon’ he thought with a small pout.

This was going to haunt him he was sure.

Their attention was brought back up to the top of the cage when it open and two legless spider body suits lower from the ceiling. Dib and Zim just stared as they lowered down to them and split so they went to their combatant. Dib tried to scramble away when the top of the suit opened but a metal arm shot out to grab him and locked him in the spider suit.

Zim in turn just looked at the suit along with the arm that reached behind him to pick him up by the hook on his pack and place him in the suit. They both fell to the ground for a moment before the spider legs came out and lifted them back into the air. The suits turned without any input so they could look at the other for a moment.

They stared at the other for a what could have been hours before Zim smirked as if daring Dib to get him before he ran up the cage on his side. Dib gulped before taking the controls and scrambling up his side. By the time he got level to where Zim was it was clear that Zim had figured out the controls.

Dib gulped as Zim jumped off the cage heading right for him but Dib pulled a fast one and side stepped him. As Dib scrambled away, he slipped almost falling off the cage but regained balance withing a few taps of the controls. Zim and Dib both leap off of the wall at the same time and hurtled towards each other. Zim smacked Dib with a spider leg forcing Dib to slam into the wall where he scrambled to hold on to before he fell.

Zim quickly turned so his legs grabbed the cage with minimal problems. Zim looked down at the suit for a moment as if trying to see the controls before another smirk crossed his face before looking back at Dib.

Zim chuckled as he said “Well Dib-human. This is over.” Before Dib could say a thing Zim’s suit shot artificial spider webbing out of the abdomen of his suit. Dib yelped as he tried to jump out of the way, but it grabbed the all of his legs in a hog tie like hold making it impossible for him to escape. Dib hit buttons trying to work himself free only to shoot his own webbing and attach himself to the top of the cage.

Dib was stuck.

Dib grunted as Zim’s spider legs landed on the webbing attached to his legs. He wiggled and turned trying to work himself free even if he knew it was a lost cause. As Zim walked up the webbing Dib spat out “You may have won this battle, but I’m not done. Not by a long shot. As long as I’m alive the earth will have a protector.” Zim cleared Dib only to stand looking at the webbing for a moment.

“I wish you good luck Dib”

With that he cut the webbing causing them to fall to the ground. While Dib crashed into the ground, breaking the spider suit to bits Zim found the evacuation button and jumped out of his suit. He landed in a crouch as Dib sat up rubbing his head after the knock he took in the fall. Dib looked up just in time to see Zim flick Dib’s chest plate with the tip of one of his claw like fingers. Dib stared dumbly as the tune played and the announcer came on the mike to say “The winner is Zim!”

Fireworks exploded with smoke and confetti raining down while Dib and Zim stared at the other. “I would have given you the seat. While this was interesting I didn’t know if it was worth the trouble just to sit in audience to a show I have only seen once or twice. But you did something to the one known as Gaz.” Zim shrugged as he crossed his arms across his chest and cocked a hip with a little smile. “And between you and her well I think we both know who is more terrifying.”

Dib felt his eyes open wide as he took that in. Zim wasn’t one to lie. Dib had noticed over the months he had followed the alien he held a code. As long as he didn’t need to he never lied. He told facts and didn’t mind helping anyone out when it came to the facts. Hell even the time with the scavenger Zim hadn’t minded taking time out of their hunt to explain about the alien and even told him about his eyes.

So Dib knew that Zim had spoken the truth.

Gaz had pressured Zim into stopping him.

She was why he wasn’t getting the slip signed.

What?

He barely felt the security lift his arms and drag him out of the cage. He kept his eyes on Zim who looked at him with a twist to the mouth that showed he wasn’t to happy with this. As they turn a corner he lost Zim but found Gaz. She stood there looking proud knowing she had messed him up.

Dib had never felt so angry in his life.

“Traitor! All my work! Thanks to you! It’s over!” screamed Dib as he glared at his sister.

He had worked for years. He had studied and slaved for years to prove he was of some value to the Swollen Eyeball. That he was more then some kid with a briefcase. No this was his chance. He big moment where he would finally prove them all wrong.

And Gaz was the reason it was over.

She was the reason he would miss his moment.

He would fail.

Because she was mad about something he couldn’t even remember.

It was over.

Dib felt his eye fall to the ground only to see his case. He had grabbed it without much thought while Zim was talking to him. He stared at it while he passed rooms with a little stars lining everyone. For some reason he remembered the agent’s words. ‘Don't try faking a signature either. The paper is programmed to explode in just such an event.’

There were two slips.

Dib felt a grin take over his face at the thought.

“Do one of you guys got a pen I can borrow for a second?”

With a quick scribble Dib had started the explosion. He tossed it in a trash can they were by and within 5 seconds it went off. The guards jumped loosening their hands on Dib who took the chance to run. They ran after him while he glanced at every door looking for his father’s dressing room.

He even ran past Gaz.

He felt no remorse for kicking her knee making her fall into the guards. Looking up he saw a star seemingly made of gray metal that made him think of his father so he took a chance. He threw the door open to see the Professor putting a little powder on his face. “Please! . . . huff. . .Dad! . . .huff. . . .Sign this!” panted Dib as he fell on his knees ripping the helmet off his head in hopes of getting some more air around his face. “Dib? What on earth are you doing here?” asked the Professor as he turned to his son. “Dad please. Just sign this!” begged Dib as he shoved his spare slip in the air. Before the Professor could say anything the guards ran in yelling “There you are intruder! Get him”

“Wait! Stop! Dib. You just want me to sign this slip?” asked the Professor as he took the paper from Dib’s hand. “Yes! This is all I wanted!” panted out Dib still trying to get some more air in his lungs. “Here. I can’t give you a seat in the show tonight because those had to be earned fairly, but I can do this.” With that he signed his name in quick strokes that spoke of him doing this often. He handed the paper back to Dib with a happy tilt of his head. “Now go on. I’ll be home around about 11 so you and your sister know what to do. Night Dib” waved the Professor as he walked out.

The guards still grabbed him and dragged him out the back door but what did he care. He had the slip signed and he could finally earn his place among the Swollen Eyeball Network for real.

Dib had won.

Dib was the winner at life!

He fell in the trash lining the street laughing and he didn’t even care.

He had won for once.

This feeling had held on to him till he got to the meeting. There he stood on the podium about to give his presentation till he realized a critical fact.

The case was gone.

Left back at the studio where he had leg go of it in his moment of euphoria.

With it was the whole presentation.

Thanks to that he bow stood there in front of the whole network feeling like a complete fool. He didn’t know if he wanted to scream or cry. This time he had no one to blame but himself. No Gaz to undermine him. No father to be impossible to contact. No Zim who interfered.

This was Dib’s fault.

So he said the first this that came to his mind.

“Uh... Could we reschedule this?”

Chapter Text

Red had his hands folded together as he pleaded “Please Zim? We just need a small break.” Purple popped up from behind him as he said “Yeah! We have done nothing but look into Invaders for what seems like forever!” Without even looking away from Zim, Red unfolded his hands and pushed Purple’s head till he was back behind him much to Purple’s protests.

“I know, Zim. You hate progress reports just like us. But we need a break. Please Zim? We will owe you one! We promise!” pleaded Red while Purple’s head popped up again with the saddest big eyes he could do.

Zim blinked as he looked at his leaders. He strong, brave, smart leaders who were trying to act like Smeets to grab a second snack.

Zim’s eyebrow twitched.

Alright.

Sure.

Whatever.

Zim sighed before looking back up at his oh so lazy friends to see Red had joined Purple in doing those big sad eyes at him. “You do know who taught you that right? I did you fools.” Zim rubbed his face with his hand before looking up to see a pouty lip had been added to the sad eyes.

This was just sad.

“Alright, alright. Fine. Send me the list of who are left and I’ll check on them” sighed Zim. He did not get enough supplies for this kind of drama.

Red and Purple cheered before sending the list to Zim. “Ok! No take backs! We will check in a few hours! Bye Bye” they yelled fast before shutting off the connection. Zim blinked at the black screen for a moment before he turned to another monitor to pull up the list of Invaders they wanted him to look at. For a moment everything was silent before Zim’s scream echoed through the base.

“YOU GUYS HAVE ONLY DONE A QUARTER OF THE LIST! THERE ARE STILL THOUSANDS OF INVADERS!”

Zim was going to kill those two.

----------------------Six Hours Later----------------------

Yep.

Zim was going to murder those two and laugh as they burned.

“And Invader Flobee is sitting on stone throne with his SIR unit. Don’t know if those rocks are his disguise or if he is going native. Make note for the Tallest, Computer.”

“Yes Sir.”

Zim was in the deep bowels of his lab looking into his super calibrated telescope taking notes on the Invaders on his list. He leaned back into his seat on the hovering platform cracking his neck, trying to work out the tension that was growing by every Invader. He felt so stiff from looking up into the telescope for the past few hours. He tried to distract himself by thinking about the Invaders he had seen so far.

“All the invaders without Explorers are farther along in their conquest then I thought. A few have me concerned. I have them marked down as possible natives so the Tallest can look further into it. Hmm. Lets look further, Computer. Pull up Invader Stink.”

Zim placed his eye back in the slot of the telescope and watched as it zoomed only to see Stink laying on what Zim thought was a hill. “Is he relaxing? What is he doing?” asked Zim as he pulled from the scope to rub his eyes in hopes this wasn’t what he had to report. The Control Brains were never kind to those they felt were wasting time. Zim did not want to be the cause of an Irken being fried along with possible mind wipes.

“Computer! Pull out a bit. There may be a festival or something going on.” He looked back in the scope only to sigh in relief as he saw that beside the hill the surface of the planet was already covered in factories. He hummed as he watched the fires burn and the metal moving in some kind of function. “Alright. So Invader Stink is done and just waiting to return to Irk. Note that down for the Tallest.”

“Yes Sir.”

He pulled back from the scope to look at his list. “The next on the list is Invader Skutch. So Computer show me Invader Skutch.” With that he leaned back in to watch the scope zoom till he saw Skutch laughing manically as things burned all around him. “I’m going to take that as a success!” said a happy Zim. He was about to look away when a strange static started to block the scope. Zim pulled away for a moment to blink wondering what was going on.

He looked back into the scope but the static was still there. “What the? Computer! Show me Invader Skutch!” He kept his eye on the static invading the screen while the Computer said “Exact Skutch coordinates set.” Zim hummed in thought before saying “Go back to Invader Stink.” The scope tried to go back but all Zim could see was the static. He leaned back blinking with his claws tapping lightly at his chin as he considered the static.

First he had to rule out the normal suspect.

Without even a twitch of a muscle he called out his communicator to GIR form his PAK. With a absentminded voice he called “GIR! I need you in the observatory as soon as possible!” He continued to try and think of where he had seen the static before while GIR hurried down.

“Yes, Master?” was what woke him from his thoughts. He looked up to see GIR poking his head out of a hole that Zim honestly thinks the base had made with GIR in mind. There seemed to be holes everywhere for the little bot to pop up and scare the squeedlyspooch out of Zim.

“Did you do something to the telescope?” asked Zim in his best I-am-not-blaming-I-just-want-to-ask voice that the parenting books that the Computer had pulled up after a crazy GIR day recommended.

He would be thankfully for the rest of his days for those books.

“Nothin’” said GIR in a small voice as he tried to hide back in his hole.

Zim felt an eye ridge go up as he asked “Are you sure? Because I love you GIR but when something is broken you normally have a hand in it.” GIR poked his head out of the hole to smile and say “I love you too!” Then popped back in his hole while the small voice came out again to say “I know. I’m scared too.” Zim turned from GIR as he said “Computer! Pull up the scope image on screen!” He could hear GIR sliding down the wall of the observatory and saw he fly out of the corner of his eye but he was much more focused on the wall of static he could now see.

GIR grabbed his leg as Zim ordered the hover platform closer to the screen so he could get a better look. “I love this show!” came from GIR while Zim glared at the static. “I have seen this before. I know I have. But where?” mumbled Zim as he glanced from one screen to another. Then he looked down at GIR and remembered what he said.

I love this show.

Zim felt his eyes widen as he realized where he had seen this before. “Oh no.” Before he could say anything else the whole Observatory started shaking and chunks of debris start raining down from the ceiling. Zim grabbed his chair arm rests as he grunted with the force of the shaking. “GIR! Defend!” he yelled as the chair moved left and right trying to avoid the falling rocks.

“Yes Master” stated GIR as he went red. From there he blasted or kicked away any rock that fell near them only for metal to start snapping above their heads. Zim looked up only to see the telescope to start coming down fast towards them. Zim grabbed GIR around the waist and pulled him to his lap while his free right hand took the controls of the hover platform. He felt the safety belt automatically engage around both their waists as he pulled and yanked at the controls to ovoid the metal now raining down.

Finally, after what felt like hours when it really was only seconds, everything had stopped. The Observatory was a ruin with metal and rocks all over the floor. His wall with monitors to get close up feeds from his scope was completely destroyed. Zim looked up and could see the sky through the hole that the telescope once occupied.

GIR threw up his hands laughing as he screamed “Do that again!” Zim blinked at the damage around him petting GIR in hopes of calming him. “If that static is what I think it is then the earth is in danger. I'll have to find another more powerful telescope to confirm my suspicions before anything.” He was about to go top side when GIR snapped the safety belt and stood on his lap. He looked down in time for GIR to grab his face and softly say “Let's make biscuits” then he shook Zim’s head as he screamed in a high-pitched voice “Let's make biscuits!”

Zim longed for the days when he was lonely sometimes.

After calming GIR down he got in his disguise and headed to a hill in the middle of town that the Computer called 'the tallest vantage point in the town'. When he got there, he saw some teenagers doing the human ritual of ‘kissing’. Zim shuttered as he wondered why humans would try to eat the others face off when they were trying to figure out if they wanted to be the other’s significant other.

There were just somethings Zim would never understand no matter how long he stayed on this planet.

Zim looked up and watched the pulses that looked like electricity ran through the sky while GIR looked around the town. “Master! There! Does that one work?” asked GIR as he lightly pulled at the bottom of Zim’s shirt. Zim looked in the direction GIR was pointing in and called out a helmet that zoomed in on the telescope. “Hmm. It looks powerful enough. Only down side I can think of is I have to call on Dib-Human to use it” Zim thought out loud as he inspected the telescope. GIR started bouncing still pulling at Zim’s shirt as he said “That’s ok! He seems very nice!”

Zim sighed as the helmet retreated back into his PAK.

He was going to have to sweet talk the human, wasn’t he?

Soon they were in front of Dib’s home. Zim sighed and walked up to the door. Zim looked back to see GIR giving him two thumbs up looking so happy. He looked back at the door with an uneasy look on his face just know that this could blow up in his face.

The ringer seemed red hot but Zim just had to push it. With a little moan thinking about if he didn’t do this he would fail his Big Project he finally had the power to push the button.

Dib slowly opened the door while Zim stood there with his arms crossed. They stared at each other for a moment before Zim jerked a thumb over his shoulder. Dib looked up in time to see the electricity pulse through the night sky. Dib looked back at Zim and clenched his hands. “What can we do to stop this” he stated in a hard tone.

Zim felt a smile tip the side of his hard mouth before saying “Glad we are on the same page”

Within moments Zim and Dib were standing side by side with GIR dancing in the background looking up at the telescope. “You can see the pluses with the naked eye, so why do you need a telescope?” asked Dib as Zim typed so much faster than Dib had ever seen anyone do before. “My telescope was to focused so it only saw static. I need one that can see the sky but allow me to focus enough to see if I can find what I’m looking for.”

Dib looked at the monitor in front of him that was showing the night sky. Suddenly he startled back a set only to lean close and squint at the screen. “Those are seams right? Like something was stacked next to each other.” Zim glanced over still typing away before looking at his own monitor and said “Yes. That is exactly it. Now I just need to follow the seam and” with a final click the screen showed a porthole like exit in the sky. “There. It is confirmed.” Zim rubbed his forehead.

Dib looked at the hole then turned to Zim. “What is confirmed? What is going on?” Zim turned so he was looking at Dib and folded his arms loosely across his chest. “What it means, Dib-Human, is the earth has been stolen.” Dib blinked and even GIR wondered over to listen in. “Stolen? By what?” Zim lifted his arm to show the wrist controller he never took off and typed a few buttons. A wire shot out and attached itself to the monitor in front of them.

Dib blinked as he watched the night sky be replaced with a purple screen and black lettering in a language he had never seen before. Within seconds the lettering gave way to a simulation like he would see in his father’s talks. “If they have a name for their species I don’t know it. They were always called Planet Jackers as far as I'm aware. They sneak up on unsuspecting planets and enclose them in a hollow metal bubble.” An image of the earth spinning with the moon were then closed in a hollow bubble. The two circles were then connected by a metal rope. The simulation zoomed in to show small squares lining the inside of the bubble as Zim continued. “The inside of the sphere is one big television screen, which projects a sky so know one knows what's happened.”

Dib blinked as he took it all in while GIR started to dance before saying “I like TV!”

Zim and Dib just looked at him for a second before everything started shaking again. Zim grabbed the table the monitor was connected to while Dib fell into a chair that was thankfully bolted to the ground. GIR was skidding across the floor whooping like it was a fun game.

Soon it stopped.

Zim slowly stood up straight and looked around. Things were scattered across the floor like beakers and bits of machines that were not fully attached. He turned to the telescope and was glad that while the scope had lost focus it seemed to be in full working order.

“My back” came the small voice from behind Zim. He spun around only to see Dib stand up from the chair bending backwards with his hands on his lower back. With a further bend and jerk of his hands there was a sickening crack that caused Zim to cringe away with a disgusted look on his face.

Dib sighed in relief looking up to see Zim’s face and ask “What?” in annoyed tone. Zim shook his head as he said “I forgot the human body can really be a disgusting place.” With that he turned back to the monitor getting ready to resume the simulation. “Wait!” Zim turned to see Dib lift a hand to touch him before stopping. “I wanted to ask why are there earthquakes happening. Where we are in the world those aren’t normal.” GIR ran back yelling about the fun he was having with that the shaking that was happening. He wrapped himself around Zim’s thigh giggling away not paying attention to Dib staring at him funny.

Zim blinked at dib before placing a calming hand on GIR’s head. “They are the caused by the Planet Jackers changing direction.” Dib rubbed his face with a sigh as he took this all in. “Why are they doing this? Money?” Zim lifted the hand from GIR’s head to point at the monitor that showed a hollowed-out sun. “That’s why. The Planet Jackers home world orbits a dying sun. Instead of leaving or trying to find a way to save it they find planets and feed it like firewood to keep it burning that much longer.” Dib couldn’t say a word as he watched the simulation.

A planet tossed into the sun and how the sun flared.

The earth was taken by these guys?

Why?

“Why earth? Don’t they care about the life on this planet?” was the first thing out of his mouth as he stared at the simulation. Zim clicked his fingers in front of Dib’s face forcing him to look at the alien. “Would you human? If you had to pick over your race and another one who is still considered infants to the rest of the galaxy if they even know who they were? After all, you haven’t even left your own galaxy, yet right?” Dib opened his mouth about to argue but what could he say?

Humans were selfish in nature. They would do anything to survive. So was it really shocking that another would do the same thing?

Before anything could be said the small metal robot popped up going “YAY” as the simulation played the renewed burning of the sun again. Zim sighed as he patted GIR’s head again. “No, GIR. Not yay. That’s bad.” GIR looked close to tears as he made an “Aww” sound. Zim crouched down so he was closer to GIR’s level and asked “Do you know what this means? The whole thing with the Planet Jackers coming here?” GIR’s tears were suddenly gone as he smiled with his tongue sticking out a bit while he called out a cheerful “Yes!”

Dib and Zim looked at the little robot for a moment before Dib asked “You really don’t know do you?” GIR looked over at him before he made a sheepish little “Hm” sound as he wrapped his arms around Zim’s neck. Zim placed an arm under GIR to steady him as he stood up and looked at the monitor. “What it means GIR is the earth will be destroyed. All my hard work gone in a sun flare. Purple and Red would never let me live it down” sighed Zim as he pictured their reaction to knowing the Planet Jackers got the jump on him.

“Hard work? What have you done ZIM!?” asked Dib who got steadily loader the more annoyed he became.

Zim turned on his heel to look at Dib. He stared for a moment before his wrist lightly pulled on the wire connecting it to the monitor. The wire was absorbed back into his controller and Zim placed both arms firmly around GIR. “It is time to go and confront the Planet Jackers.”

Zim started to walk to the door only to hear “Wait!” from behind him. Zim stopped and turned sideways so he could look at Dib from the corner of his eye. Before a word could be spoken Dib started speaking. “You can’t go without me! After all, it was my tech that helped you!” Dib glared as Zim just looked at him. Suddenly Zim closed his eyes and sighed.

Alright.

Fine.

Whatever.

“Then lets get a move on. We don’t have all day.”

Zim turned away and started walking hearing Dib’s footsteps hurry after him. They speed walked to Zim’s house knowing that in the house was something that could help them. Halfway there Dib suddenly spoke. “What is a Big Project?” Zim glanced over to see Dib staring straight ahead. “All right. I’ll give you a bone as humans say. A Big Project is the life’s work of an Explorer like me. We dedicate everything to the project and are willing to die for it. We study a planet, find out everything from it’s history, culture, entertainment, anything or everything.” He saw Dib glance at him out of the corner of his eye while they walked in silence. “Is there an invasion coming?” Zim just shrugged. “Maybe one day. I can’t tell the future. But right this moment I can safely say no from my people.”

Before anything else could be said they had arrived at the base. Zim ran up the last few steps and called out “Computer! Ready the Zhook Cruiser! We need speed today!” “Yes Sir” came the tired call of the computer and soon they could hear shifting from the top of the house. “Come on, Dib-Human. There is no time to waste. Soon the Planet Jackers will be at their home world and that will be the end for earth.”

Zim was stripping off his wig and contacts while he walked over to the side table in the living room. Dib ran after him as Zim pressed a button on the wall. Soon the wall opened to show a large shaft that would hold the two of them easily. Zim heard Dib gulp but in his defense he stepped into the lift without a word of complaint.

“What is a Zhook Cruiser?” asked Dib as the lift started speeding upwards. “It is the latest in personal spacecrafts by my people. It was a gift from people who are very important to me.”

Dib hmmed a bit before they came to a stop. The Zhook was ready to go by the time they stepped out of the lift. “Woah” was the whisper of Dib as he took it all in. “This is amazing.” Zim smiled as he opened the door to the Zhook. “Come on. We don’t have much time”

Thankfully the Zhook had two seats on the inside so they had plenty of room. Zim let GIR go so he could run around in the back while Zim started the engine. He glanced over to see Dib looking at everything around him. “One day this could be the earth. You are still so young. I can not wait to see what you will become” as Zim spoke Dib couldn’t help but stare.

Zim saw worth in the earth even if he knew they weren’t the smartest around. He still believed they could be something worth wild. Something worth understanding one day.

Dib looked forward as Zim looked back at his work.

An alien saw that the earth could be amazing one day, something that even Dib had trouble seeing somedays.

Wasn’t that an eye opener?

“Here we go” Dib quickly looked over as Zim leaned back from the console. A yoke, as Dib had heard them called on TV, came out of the console right into Zim’s hands. Zim had a determined look in his eyes as he said “Everyone. Get ready. It’s time to save the earth.”

With that they were off.

They sped through the sky going faster then any car Dib had even been in before. He watched at the town sped away below them. He blinked and suddenly it hit his where he was going.

Dib was going to space with a real life alien.

He felt a grin spread across his lips as he remembered all those drawings of the stars from when he was a kid. He had dreamed of them and the adventures he would have up there one day. He couldn’t wait when he was a kid and had begged his father almost everyday that he could have a spaceship to get out there.

Looks like it only took 10 years.

Dib looked forward and noticed something. “Look! Is that an exit!?” Zim grinned a savage grin as he said “Yes it is. Time to try and talk these fools out of ruining my Big Project!” With that they shot into the dark.

Dib sat forward with the same grin as he wondered how his first look at space would look like.

Stars.

Millions and millions of stars.

So bright.

So big.

Dib had fallen in love with space all over again.

Zim turned the Zhook while Dib stared at the stars. “There they are” stated Zim, breaking Dib out of his thoughts. There in front of the long wiring that connected the moon and earth was a small ship. “To make this fair I have to announce myself and try to reason with them. It they ignore it then we will do the plan to get the earth back.” They sped to the small ship while Dib tried to get the plan out of Zim.

Zim just grinned without a word.

Soon they were right in front of the small ship where two aliens were sitting. Dib took in the differences from his alien vowing that he would write it all down later. They were both clearly taller than Zim with what looked like possible breathing tubes hooked into the corner of their mouths. One was lanky while the other was clearly all muscle.

Dib knew that if it came down to a fight he would be murdered in seconds.

“Hey! Look! A little green man!” laughed the lanky one. Zim deadpanned at them before saying “This is Explorer Zim of the Irken Armada. You have entered the space claimed by the Exploration Division of the Irk. Return the planet or prepared to start war between the Irkens and Planet Jackers.”

Before the Lanky one, who looked really worried, could say anything the muscle one said “No. The planet is ours. There are no Irken flags so this is free. With all the little critters on this planet it will burn for a good long time.”

Dib felt the way his mouth loosened a bit at the causal way the tall one was willing to kill a whole race. He had never encountered something like it. Dib knew he was will to fight to the death to save his planet. He was willing to die to become the hero he saw in his dreams.

But this guy was a new being entirely.

While Dib’s mind was running Zim was glaring. So these fools wanted it like that. Alright then. He pressed a button on his console that sent the recording of the conversation he just had to the Tallest. There would be blood now thanks to this meat head and Zim held no regrets.

It was time for war.

“So you have chosen to fight. Meet me on the moon. We will fight and see who really wins in a battle to the death.”

The muscle head one smile and started to the back of the ship while the other looked worried. Zim piloted the ship to the moon and pulled up a schematic on the screen. “This is the plan. I will fight the big one. With that going on you and GIR will fire the blaster located on the ship and basically chisel the earth out of their hold.” Zim walked to the back of the ship placing his suit on. “Wait! How do we get the earth back into the milky way? It is way to far away from a sun to survive!” yelled a worried Dib as he turned to look at Zim. Zim slipped on his gloves and double checked his boots.

“Easy. You earthlings have movies where humans are taken by a tractor beam yes? Same basic principle. With the power of the Zhook I can drag the earth back to its natural home.” Dib looked around the Zhook and asked “Is it really that strong?” Zim walked back to the console and started typing away. “Lets put it this way. I have a smaller and justifiably weaker ship I keep because I can. The Zhook can fold that ship and hide it within itself. That is how powerful this ship is.”

Dib gave a whistle as he watched Zim finish typing away.

Suddenly the six dark purple thrusters came off the ship living only the two light purple thrusters in working order. “As soon as I leave the thrusters will start cutting. I’ve left two on the ship in case you have to move. Don’t worry because for as flighty as GIR can be he can drive and get you out if the worst case were to happen.” The detached thrusters formed a hexagon directly under the ship, already warmed up and ready to free the planet.

As Zim walked to the exit in the ship Dib popped up again. “Whats the worse case, Zim?” he asked dead serious. He knew what it was. He wasn’t a fool. But he knew he needed it said out loud.

And judging by the look on Zim’s face he understood.

“An Explorer is ready to die for their Big Project”

With that he was out into the blackness of space.

Dib turned to the earth and watched as the thrusters started cutting away. GIR jumped up next to him and started typing on random buttons. “Wait! Robot! Stop! What are you doing?!” panicked Dib. While Zim had said the thing could dive he had no faith in the thing he had seen act like a four-year-old on a sugar high from hell. GIR turned with that clueless smile before announcing with a squeaky voice saying “I’m gonna see Master!”

Dib gulped wondering if seeing the stars up close for the first time was worth being stuck with the crazy robot.

During this Zim was flying down to the surface of the moon where the big one was waiting for him already.

“Took your time Irken” he said with a sneer. Zim landed safely with his boot magnetizing to the shell. He looked at the other and tilted his head. “I keep calling you big one, muscle, even block head. Do you even have a name?” He watched as the other got visibly ticked off at that before a smile like sneer appeared before he stated “Oog-Ah.” Zim felt the corner of his mouth tip up as he thought ‘so that’s how it is going to be, huh. Well alright then.’

Oog-Ah cracked his knuckles as he said “Let's get this over with, Irken.” Zim braced himself feeling his PAK open ready to pull out his weapon at a moment’s notice. “Sure. Lets do this.” Their thrusters turned on at the same second and they went screaming at each other.

To bad for Oog-Ah he forgot he was facing an Explorer till that last second.

Just as they connected Zim’s thrusters flicked out causing him to drift down just enough to completely avoid the fist coming at his face. Instead he went into Oog-Ah’s now wide open body and grabbed Oog-Ah’s body plating. He firmly connected his feet to Oog-Ah’s chest and pulled snapping off the plating. He flipped away from Oog-Ah who instinctively moved back away from Zim. Zim licked his lib as he saw Oog-Ah’s unprotected belly knowing that even with the hard skin that came naturally to the Planet Jackers he could cut through like it was butter with his claws.

Oog-Ah was to busy staring at his chest to see Zim running up to him. Just as he looked up the PAK legs had already stabbed at his face forcing him to detach from the moon in a blind panic as he jumped back. Zim grinned that savage smile of his as he said “Got ya, Block head.” Zim then stabbed a PAK leg into the casing so he could be shot forward with an anchor.

One final kick and Oog-Ah was now drifting through space.

“FOOL! I STILL HAVE MY THRUSTERS!” yelled Oog-Ah as he activated them again only for a blaster from Zim’s PAK to shot out frying them. Oog-Ah didn’t even register the pain from his burnt feet as he stared at the smoking remains of his boots. Zim brought himself back to the safety of the moon with an easy smile and wave. “Good luck out there! Remember to save air when you can and protect that soft belly! Never know what will try to grab an easy meal!”

“Master! It is done!” called GIR from the Zhook. He turned to look up and saw Dib with his mouth hanging open as he stared at Zim while GIR seemed to be doing a victory dance with the piggy he carried around. Zim just smirked just loving the praise he was getting from his SIR and the look on Dib’s face.

It was a good day.

“I’ll be up soon. I have to take care of the driver. Just sit tight for a moment.” With that Zim’s thrusters fired bringing him to the front of the convoy. As the driver screamed Zim used his PAK legs to cut a hole in the glass. One hit and the driver was out like a light. He started typing away till he pulled up a communication line with not only the Tallest but the leaders of the Planet Jackers.

“What is going on here?!” yelled the Planet Jacker as he saw one of his subordinates clearly knocked out in the back. The Tallest were to busy glaring at the other leader to even greet Zim which was odd but very understandable. Zim saluted as he said “Sirs! Explorer Zim of Irk reporting for duty! On this date as of 2 earth hours ago the Earth was stolen by two Planet Jackers! I identified myself and made sure that the planet and its solar system were under my name! The Planet Jackers refused to listen! I had was forced to duel one and pushed him out into the darkness of space! The other refused to allow me to use his ship to contact the respected Leaders of out races!”

Zim could feel the PAK suppressing the need to grin as the Planet Jacker lost more and more color the long Zim went on. If this was proven true then the Planet Jackers could be completely eliminated by the might of Irk. “D-do you have any proof? Beside your word? You may have misunderstood!” stated the Planet Jacker clearly trying to pull anything to save himself.

Zim stood even straighter still in his salute. “Explorer Zim is not mistaken! A recording of the exchange from beginning to end was sent to the Tallest by my PAK!”

And the Planet Jacker knew it was done.

Soon Zim was let go but the Tallest who had never stopped glaring at the Planet Jacker. If this had been any old Invader, they most likely would have laughed it off but this was Zim. The Smeet that had grown up beside them every day. The Irken who had grown into an elite even with his height being a firm disadvantage.

The Irken that had grown into their Explorer.

Heads were going to roll.

Soon Zim released the moon and used his thrusters to get back to the ship. He was allowed back in and started taking off his space suit in the back. “Well that’s taken care off! Now we just have to pull the earth back along with the moon.” He walked up to the console and started pulling up the program he needed.

Dib just stared at him in silence.

Within the hour the earth and moon were back in their rightful places and all before daylight too.

It really was a good day thought Zim with a warm smile.

Soon he was driving the Zhook over the Membrane house landing close enough to the roof that Dib could just jump down. Before Dib jumped he paused and turned to Zim. In silence he stared before finally finding his voice. “You and I aren’t friends. I don’t know if I trust you about this Big Project or if you don’t have evil intensions for the earth. But I can say thank you for today. Not only did you save my planet but I got to live out a dream of mine. But tomorrow we will be right back at it. After all, I need you to finally prove I was right to the world!”

At the end Dib was smiling that determined grin of his but for some reason Zim felt it had changed. Maybe it felt a little softer than before.

Or maybe that was Zim’s over reactive imagination.

“Of course. Till tomorrow, My Big Problem.”

Dib just tilted his head as he said “Till tomorrow, My Proof.”

Yes, Zim thought as he zoomed away with GIR singing again, today was a good day.

Chapter Text

So I hate to do this but I need to.

Due to the virus I have to pick up work where I can. This Monday till the 16th of August I'm stuck working for my brother at a fair. So I'm stuck leaving my house, going to a town that has no bars never mind internet connection, and will be stuck camping with no hotels.

Now I have nothing against camping beside I'm terrible at it.

I'll be in the sun from sun up to sunset and yeah. I'm not excited if you can't tell.

Sorry again but when I come back I'll update my stories in the way I have set up. So first will be Explorer Zim and then the Multiverse.

I love you guys!

DreamerLost

Again

Chapter Text

Sometimes Zim was bored.

It was a simple fact. He got bored and didn’t want to really study. Right now Zim was fooling around in his lab doing an experiment that really wasn’t an experiment. He had two chickens in two tubes sitting in front of him. He pulled a lever and had both chickens rotating slowly to face him. He smiled a little as he pushed a button forcing the chicken on the right to start spinning at high speeds. With another press of the button rubber tubing lowed from the ceiling and attached to the top of the tube.

With out taking his eyes off the spinning chicken he pulled a lever that shot the spinning chicken out of the tube and out of Zim’s sight. He hummed a bit as he watched a small green dot leave earth’s atmosphere in a breakneck speed heading right for the sun. He lazily turned to the other chicken who clearly looked panicked at the being in front of it. He watched as it started to flap as if it could fly out of the tube if it tried hard enough.

“Note for the chicken file: It clearly knows it is in danger. It saw what happened to its companion and knows that it may be painful. Chickens are said to be dumb little avian and yet this one has clear survival instincts.” He turned to lazily glance at the dot on the screen that was moving further and further away from the earth. “Well chicken number 2. Time to go.” He turned to meet the eyes of the panicking chicken and slowly went to press the button.

He may not be an Invader but he was an Irken.

Seeing something panic like this was always going to be funny.

Just before he could launch the chicken the Lab started flashing red as sirens rang out. “What? Computer!” Zim yelled as he spun to the doors ready to run as the computer called out “Security breach, unknown intruder!” Zim threw himself into the elevator not even twitching as arms came down to place his disguise on. “Computer! Show me the intruder!” He looked up as a screen came down from the top of the elevator showing his front yard where a large squirrel was standing in his walkway.

He blinked as he watched it move. That was not a walk. Maybe you could class it as a scoot if you were being kind, he thought with a skeptical half smile. He moved his head in a slow disbelieving shake as he watched two eyes clearly blink from the eyehole in the neck of the squirrel.

He pinched the area between his eyes with a growled “Dib.”

By now he had landed on the ground floor and was walking out the elevator so he could see this ‘squirrel’ for himself. He opened his door and stepped out into the sunshine just so he could watch this go door. Under his blank stare it hopped a little to the right letting Zim know it was made out of some kind of clay thanks to that strange scraping sound it made as it moved across the ground.

He sighed and turned his back to the ‘squirrel’ looking like he was about to go back inside the base. With a little half smile, now seeing how this was a little funny, he watched from the gnome’s eyes how the ‘squirrel’ turned to his back. He waited another few seconds before giving an order for the ‘squirrel’ to be captured when it became clear Dib wasn’t going to do anything more.

He was kind of expecting an attack to his back, but it was a slow day.

Zim could give him a small break.

He watched with his little half smile as Dib tried to hop away from his gnomes, but he just wasn’t fast enough. He could hear the little “Hey! No! Put me down!” from inside the suit as the gnomes grabbed him and lifted him up into the air. He was then dropped where his custom shattered leaving only the tail stuck on his butt.

Zim snickered into his hand as he leaned on a gnome. Dib looked around clearly looking to see if anyone had seen him. Zim coughed into his hand and then started to speak. “That was a wonderful try. Truly Dib-human. Now I recommend next time not being something known to grow up to maybe two feet if that.” He watched with a half-smile as Dib shook off the tail and stood up in a dramatic pose pointing at Zim with a determined frown. “Laugh while you can Zim! One day, you'll be sitting in your house feeling all safe and secure, and then you'll look over and I'll be there! Doin' stuff!”

Zim blinked at him before asking “Stuff? What stuff will you being doing in my base?” He tilted his head to the side as Dib opened his mouth ready to tell him only to close it slowly. Zim’s smile got bigger as he watched the boy think it over. “You only got as far as putting cameras in the house didn’t you.” Dib lowered his hand and blinked at Zim. “It’s ok. You’ll figure it out soon.” He turned ready to walk back into his base with a hand waving over his shoulder. “Good luck getting past the security net. My gnomes are set to stun but the rest. Well.” He shrugged as he turned back to look at the human who now looked a bit worried.

Before anything else was said between to them a delivery truck for Bloaty's Pizza Hog pulled up. They both watched silently as the pimply driver got out with a large pizza in his hand. While he was walking to the door Zim turned to Gir and called out “Foods here!” knowing Gir would be zipped up in his dog outfit before he was even finished with the words.

The delivery man stopped in front of him just as he felt the small paws of Gir’s outfit grab his leg. The man looked at a sheet of paper in his hand and read out “Here's the pizza you or-dered, Mr. Gir.” He went to hand the pizza to Zim only for Gir to jump up grabbing the pizza and landing on his feet away from Zim and the Deliver man. He stared at the pizza with a wide-open mouth already drooling before pulling the pizza to his chest like he had been given a romantic letter in a soap opera thing Zim had found him watching from time to time. He turned to the delivery man and whispered out a “thank you” before running back into the house laughing.

Zim just sighed and said “Thanks mate” as he waved the man off. He looked to Dib who was staring after the man with a calculating light in his eyes. “Don’t bother. The stores only sent specific drivers thanks to a small lie about my ‘younger brother’s autism. He needs his routine or there will be a blow up. Do you really want to be the reason for a small child to scream and cry Dib?”

Dib glared at him while Zim smiled at him. The best part is that Zim hadn’t lied. Gir loved his drivers and knew them by name. If the driver changed suddenly Gir would cry and pine, convinced that his driver had been hurt. When Zim had told the fast food places around him about this they had turned around and given Gir that label.

Zim had just rolled with it.

“Well. Good night Dib-human. See you at Skool!” Zim waved before slamming the door closed on the human boy. He absentmindedly watched Gir tear into his pizza while he thought about Dib. “The human boy feels very proud. Like he discovered something to let him into the base. He must think he saw a flaw in my network but what could it be? It must be something small because I know I covered the possibility of more hard-handed attacks. Hmm.”

He tapped his chin with his claws as he tried to think of the possible small ‘mouse holes’ as he called them that could let someone into the base. Suddenly he blinked and looked over to focus on Gir.

He wished he did not just do that.

Gir was chowing down on his pizza letting grease and whatever else fly all around him. He was covered in a thick layer of something Zim knew he wanted nothing to do with. The claws tapping at his chin moved to cover his mouth as he resisted the urge to gag with Gir just happily eating the nastiness in front of him.

“I have no idea how you can eat that Gir. That stench is horrible.” He clenched his eyes tight at the sounds Gir made when eating it. “And that wet smacking sound you make when you eat it.” Zim cringed away as his closed eyes seemed to make the sound even louder.

So nasty.

Gir looked up when he swallowed the last piece of his pizza and smiled wide at his master. “I like it! It is soooo! YUMMY!” He giggled into his hands feeling the way his face was slippery thanks to the grease. He pulled his hands away looking at the long strings that connected his hands to his face. He giggled even more as he played with the strings before looking at his master who looked more green then normal.

He sadly looked at his master before deciding to make him happy again.

And the best way was with a big hug!

Before Zim could stop him jumped up and attached himself to Zim’s head. “Gir! What are you doing!?” yelled Zim while Gir cuddled him as he giggled away. Zim wrapped his hands around Gir’s middle and tried to yank him off but Gir wouldn’t budge. Zim felt himself stumble thanks to the force he used to try and remove Gir but he wouldn’t stop.

Not with the nastiness being put on his face!

He felt his back hit the Tv pushing it into the wall and then into the bookshelf. He wedged a hand between himself and Gir only for that to prove useless too. “Gir! Get off!” Thanks to the new hold he had on Gir he fell almost face first into the closet that housed the parent units. “I love you master!” screamed Gir as he finally decided that his master had enough love for the moment. Zim blinked as he looked at Gir who was smiling like Zim had given him a free pass to eat all the pizzas on the planet.

Zim just looked at him for a moment before screaming. “Gir! Get the cleansing chalk! Before I disintegrate!” Zim wanted to touch his face to make sure that the pizza wasn’t causing the same reaction he had to meat or beans. The idea of his skin bubbling away or the fire it would cause him made all his anxieties rear up screaming.

Oh Irk.

Is this how he would die?

Before he could spiral even more Gir ran up with a small purple packet. Without wasting a moment Zim bit into the pack and started rubbing the contents all over his face. He ran the pack over his forehead, cheeks, and even the back of his head to make sure he was covered.

He was not burning today thank you!

He soon found himself kneeling on the floor breathing in deep hoping to calm down some.

Only something felt strange.

He saw a mirror was on the ground by his hand, probably fallen from somewhere from when he was flailing to get Gir off his face. He picked it up and saw his face was DRIPPING in grease.

For a moment he couldn’t react.

He stared at his face as if willing for grease to disappear. But nothing was happening. It just kept dripping off his face like some kind of odd drip painting.

Without a word he lifted his hand holding the cleansing chalk only to see it had been replaced by a strip of bacon.

That was when he lost it.

“GIR! Why on Irk is there bacon in the cleansing chalk!?” screamed Zim as he threw the bacon towards the kitchen. He lifted his hands ready to try and scrap off the nastiness on his face when Gir popped in saying “I made it myself!” Without a word his hands moved from his face toward Gir. What he was going to do he didn’t know but it was sure going to make him feel better!

Only to stop when Gir gave a dramatic gasp as he looked at Zim’s face. “You got a pimple, Master!” called out the ever cheerful Gir. Zim stood up straight touching his face as he asked “Pimple?” Gir skipped over to the fallen mirror and handed it to Zim who just blinked at the small thing on his face. “What is this?” He poked it looking at the strange looking balloon thing on his face.

“Master! Over here!” Zim looked over at Gir who turned on the Tv. He walked over blinking at the commercial that was playing. He watched as a teenaged human was called a freak by his peers because of the large yellow bubble on his face. Then a tube of something came flying out and declared it would “restore your social life to its former... glory!”

Then it blasted electricity and made yellow stuff come flying out. Zim couldn’t help the small flinch as the boy started rolling on the floor screaming. Maybe the size of the pimple changed how much pain you felt when it was removed? Zim sighed knowing he was being a bit of a ‘wimp’ as humans called it but he hated pain. Was that so strange?

He blinked as the boy jumped up perfectly fine and girls walked up to him. “Hmm” said Zim as he pinched his pimple again. In theory he had the same thing as that boy. He had a bubble on his face but his was filled with some liquid while the boy on the Tv had some kind of pus. But shouldn’t the same treatment work for him as it did the human boy?

“I need to find some of that cream” sated Zim as he looked at Gir, who had all the inventories of the local stores listed in his head. Instead the little robot popped open his chest plate and rummaged around for a moment before pulling out a familiar tube. Zim blinked at the tube Gir was waving like a small flag.

The first thing out of his mouth was “Why do you have that?”

In his defense he was blanking hard. The only thought he had in his mind was why his completely metal companion was carrying around a tube of medicine for humans.

Gir smiled as he yelled “it tastes GOOD!” and preceded to suck on it.

Well alrighty then.

“Pass it over. Hopefully it will help.” Zim held the tube in one hand and held the mirror in the other. He lightly dabbed at the pimple watching to make sure he didn’t have a worse reaction.

Knowing his luck his head would implode.

Suddenly the pimple swelled up to the size of a small child's head and sucked the tube inside, much to Zim’s horror. “NO! No no no! I forgot that Irken skin is adaptable thanks to the Paks!” Zim slammed the mirror to the ground ignoring the shattering of its reflective surface as his head fell into his hands. “This is disgusting! What am I meant to do now! Do I stay at the base till it goes away? Do I pop it?” Zim moaned in distress wondering what his next course of action was going to be.

Then he felt his head tilt.

He glanced at the pimple only to see Gir swimming inside of it. “GIR! Now is not the time for fun and games! Get out!” yelled Zim and Gir, surprisingly, listened. Well there is a first time for everything thought Zim as he glared at the little robot who marched to the sofa sucking on the cream. Zim rubbed his forehead before lightly running a hand down his antenna in a hope to comfort himself.

This was a mess.

He sat down on the sofa staring at the Tv while his head was filling with thoughts.

Pimples were a human ailment. How did an Irken get one? Was this thanks to the Pak and its need to integrate the Irken with the local species? Was there something wrong? He knew that pimples went away on humans but was this permanent for him? What on Irk was he going to say to the Tallest? There was no way he could hid-

“Can you stop. Please. I’m kind of in the middle of something important here, Gir” growled Zim as he felt the marker Gir was dragging across the pimple. Suddenly he heard Gir say in a monotone tone “Yes, I will stop. I will obey.” Zim looked over to see Gir with a spaced out look on his face. Zim cocked an eyebrow and blinked slowly as he took in Gir’s words. “Obey? Okay?” he said slowly as he wondered how this worked. “Alright Gir. Roll over.” He watched as Gir didn’t even pause before dropping to the ground and rolling this way and that.

He hummed to himself as he turned the pimple away from Gir. He watched from the corner of his eye as Gir’s eyes came back into focus and watched him dance around the room. Zim turned and made the pimple bob up and down focusing Gir back into his trance like state.

Zim tapped his chin as he walked out of the room to the storage place in the kitchen. “For some reason there seems to be hypnotic powers to this blemish. Why it effects Gir I’m not sure, but it is fascinating. Maybe it will work on the humans?” He walked into the dark room, not needing a light because he eyes came with night vision already added. In the corner was a small box labeled ‘GEARS CIRCUITS HEADLESS BODIES’. Gir had labeled it before Zim could stop him but he didn’t mind. What he wanted was in the box.

When he had first come to earth, he had jumped headfirst into studying everything he could get his claws on with a single mindedness that had worried his Tallest for a bit. He had thankfully slowed to a much more healthy pace within a week of coming to the planet but he had still been too fast for them.

In his speed study he had come across things called puppets. He had ripped one apart and learned the skill out of curiosity but had quickly moved on to the next study within hours. Gir had taken a liking to the small human like being so Zim hadn’t the squeedily spooch to get rid of it.

So into a box it had gone.

Now he had to pull it out again to run a mass experiment for the morning.

He held the small blue suit in his hands making sure there was no rips or such. When everything checked out he held it to the underside of the pimple with the Pak attaching the puppet body to his skin. With a small smirk he waved the hand of the puppet saying “You are now. . . .humm. . . . Pustulio. With you I can conduct my new experiment.” He felt his smirk grow bigger into a dark grin as he says “Tomorrow is going to be so much fun” and snickered away to himself.

At least his boredom was over.

The next morning kids were taking their break after lunch and were playing away. Zim hid behind a tree looking at all the children playing and having fun. He had skipped the morning classes with the excuse of a visit to a ‘dentist’. Zim had no real idea what a dentist but the internet said that was one of the number one excuses used by kids to get out of class. The skool bought it so he wasn’t complaining.

Now he needed to pick his first victim to see if this pimple would work on humans too.

He noticed that Peeyoopi was playing hopscotch by herself and was pretty close to his tree. He figured if this didn’t work, he could knock her out and say she had a crazy dream. A little simple for him but sometimes simple was the way to go he figured.

With a determined glare he walked over to her and called out “Hey there Peeyoopi! Have you met Pustulio?” She looked over with a questioning look on her face before looking at the pimple. She cringed away saying “Eww!” before settling down to say in the same monotone of Gir “I love him.” Zim smirked as he walked away from her knowing she was following him. Soon he was in front of Mary who was skipping rope by herself. “Hey Mary. Met Pustulio yet?” Zim asked in an easy-going voice. She looked up with a small sulky look that normally meant that Ms. Bitters had been extra mean to her today.

She started saying “No and I really don’t ca-“ before looking up at the pimple. Then her voice changed to the same monotone as the others as she said “He deserves all my love and unsurpassed worship.” Zim whistled a bit in amazement of this new experiment he had found.

So far there was no resistance from the humans just like Gir. He had thought that Gir didn’t fight against it because it was Zim who had done the hypnotism. After all, SIR units were made for their masters and to follow orders. So it wasn’t a shocker that Gir would blindly trust Zim.

But the humans didn’t really know him. Oh the two of them were friendly enough. He could talk to them in class and maybe join a game outside, but they wouldn’t follow him into a dark alley or the like for example. They had their limits like everyone did when it came to giving belief into people they hardly knew.

And yet they fell to him.

Interesting.

“I wonder if Dib will fall to. It will be amusing for sure” Zim hummed as he walked across the playground with his two followers. He walked under the monkey bars were so he could be seen by the nine kids that were scaling it. He called out in a loud tone “Pustulio demands your attention” and a flick of the wrist to cause the pimple to bounce more just to see what would happen.

And it was glorious.

The kids fell one by one into a pile on the ground. He continued on snickering when he heard “I’m in pain” from a boy he only knew as Lizard boy. Before he say a word another boy named Snarl replied with “It is as Pustulio wishes.” Zim coughed into his fist trying to stop his snickers as a girl called out “Does Pustulio wish for me to pop my spine back into place?” Zim coughed hard into his fist one last time before saying “Yes well if you must.” He walked away humming a happy tune as the popping from the back told him that she was doing it.

That was going to hurt in the morning he thought with a happy whistle.

He walked to the back doors of the skool with the class following in an easy pace. When he climbed up the steps he turned to see all the kids just watching him with the same blank look that he had seen on Gir’s face yesterday. “Hmm. It seems that even pain won’t wake them up. Something to look into.” He looked over and noticed Gaz reading a book and said “Morning Gaz.”

He could try and add her to his minions, but he didn’t want to die.

Because he knew she would kill him when she woke up.

No matter what.

She grunted at him in answer and he took that for what it was.

A dismissal.

He looked at his minions and called out “Come friends! Into the classroom for tests!” With that he turned away and walked in a steady pace allowing the others come to his back as he pondered more about this experiment.

Pain didn’t wake them and neither did shock. He had turned his head from them to the point a few had probably lost sight of the pimple and yet they stayed in their comatose state. Besides the clearly metal and human factor what made Gir and the human children so different? Maybe Gir’s programing allowed the hypnotism to take effect but also snaped him out of it?

Something to think about later.

Soon he was in the classroom and his little minions pushed the desks against the walls freeing up the room for them all to stand. He tapped his claws against his mouth as he wondered where Dib was. “Any moment he will jump in here and try to save the day. Then I can see how strong he is. Maybe I’ll even have him tell me where this so called hole in my defense is.” Just as he finished speaking the door was kicked in by the same boy he was talking about.

Perfect.

He watched as the boy did a roll on the floor and hopped on to Ms. Bitter’s desk.

Zim smirked because while he didn’t know where Ms. Bitters was, she seemed to know all. So Dib was so getting punished for daring to stand on her desk.

It was going to be funny.

He looked up in time to hear Dib yell out “Don't look at that thing on his face! He's using it to control you!” Zim just smiled as someone yelled out “Pustulio rocks!” He smiled as he watched Dib stomp his foot as he yelled out “There is no Pustulio! It's just a pimple! A hypnotic pimple!” Zim smiled more as he watched Dib get more and more angry at everyone around him. He jumped off the table and alked up to Zim to angerly say “Didn’t you say you were just exploring?! So why are you pulling off the old sci-fi cliché of controlling people!?” Zim just shrugged with an easy smile before saying “Smackey, hold him!”

Dib jumped startled by the order. He didn’t have enough time to try and avoid the incoming hands that picked him up way to easy. He kicked back trying to work himself free but Torque just wrapped him tight in his arms so he couldn’t move. Even as pinned as he was he still tried to thrash himself free until Torque squeezed to the point he couldn’t breath for a few moments.

When Torque loosened his hold just enough for Dib to breath again he was to focused on sucking back in his lost air to notice Zim getting close to him. When he looked up Zim was right in his face with a big smile, scaring the hell out of him. He tried to jump back but Torque put a stop to that.

“You see Dib-Human I am exploring. It was by accident that I found that this pimple could control people. But now I need to go how far. After all, I live for answers. So far, the experiments are working and showing some wonderful results. Pain will not stop them. Taking their sight away from it won’t stop them. So I wanted to know how much more can I do. Like can you, the human with the strongest will I have ever found, be able to stop the control?”

Dib glared as he listened to Zim. He wished he could spit at Zim’s face and call him a liar. That he was trying to make Dib lower his guard.

But a part of him wanted to believe in Zim.

He wanted Zim to be just an Explorer who had come to see the earth.

Because he had shown Dib the stars.

He had believed in Dib and his theories. It wasn’t rare for Dib to come into class and find a piece of paper with calculations of the best place to find Bigfoot or some small passage of how to trap a ghost sitting on his desk. With those findings Dib felt even more real and more like he could make the world listen to him.

Then he had given Dib his fondest dream and had shown him the stars.

Was it really surprising that Dib wanted Zim to be good?

Dib turned his head away with clenched eyes shut tight only for Carl to reach over and force his head straight. The sudden pain of having he neck forcefully turned caused his eyes to open without his consent made his eyes fly open and stare straight at the bobbing face of Pustulio. Dib made a choking sound as his eyes followed the little bobbing face up and down slowly.

Just before he fell under the spell he grunted and yanked his head away from and slammed the back of his head into Torque’s nose. Torque let out a yell as Dib fell to the floor.

Before he could do more Zim was in his face and grabbed him around the neck. Dib knew he couldn’t move because those so sharp claws were posed ready to cut his neck out. He couldn’t even gulp as Zim smiled that to sharp smile of his.

“Normally I love out games Dib-human but not this time. I will have my answers.”

Dib was forced to watch Pustulio as it moved slowly knowing he couldn’t even close his eyes. He could feel the claws in the back of his neck slowly sinking in as if warning him how fast Zim could end him.

He could feel himself flickering between a numb state and the present.

“I will have my answers Dib. No matter what.”

With that Dib fell into the numb.

Zim smiled as Dib fell into the same trance that the other humans did. “This may have messed with the results. But you turning your head away isn’t the same as resisting. In the end even you who I know has a strong will falls. That’s interesting.” Zim pulled his claws from Dib’s neck licking the blood from his fingers absentmindedly as they came close to his mouth.

“Now I have you in my grasp, I don’t really know what to do. I don’t want to break you like this because where would the fun be?” Zim shrugged a shoulder as he watched the silent Dib. He hummed as he thought of all the things, he could do to his downed enemy but deemed most just useless. Suddenly he recalled Dib yelling about how he had found away into Zim’s base and lightly smacked his forehead. “Oh! I had forgotten about that thanks to finding out about Pustulio!” Zim snickered as he looked the blank Dib and asked in a light teasing voice “Hey. Dib-Human. How will you get into my base without my security network knowing?”

Dib tilted his head, much to Zim’s surprise, as he said “But... I can't... must infiltrate!”

Zim blinked at the still blanked Dib. “Well that’s new. No one else ignored the order till now.” Soon the sharp smile was back as he said “How interesting! Dib! You really are my rival! The best of the best!” laughed Zim. He ran a hand down his face covering his mouth as he tried to regain his normal breathing pattern. “Dib-Human. Come on. Tell me.” The human’s head tilted to the other side as he grunted out “Tell. . . .”

Soon his head moved into it’s original position as he seemed to come to a decision all under a wondering Zim’s eye. Zim sighed happily as he watched how Dib, even now, fought against the hypnotism showing just why he was Zim’s rival.

He was so proud.

“The weakness is simple. A blind spot...in your gnome field” grunted out Dib while Zim hummed showing he was listening. “Nothing to stop me from simply tunneling under... house and attaching a spy monitoring system.” Zim sighed again shaking his head slightly never losing the smile he had on his face. “Oh Dib-Human. I have been doing this for a while now. Tunneling is like one of the first ways enemies try to get into our bases. I learned a long time ago that an electric fence like protection would end that once and for all.”

Before Zim could say anything else he felt a strange tingle in his cheek where Pustulio was. He reached up to pat at it only to start growling as it swelled up to enormous size. Zim tried to regain his balance only for it to twitch one last time. Zim couldn’t help the yelp as the pimple exploded letting gallons and gallons of pus to swamp out of the new hole in his face. He kept his eyes closed as he felt more and more pus finally leave his face knowing he did not want to see it coming out.

After what felt like hours to Zim the flow stopped and he slowly opened his eyes to take in all the damage.

It was not pretty.

He was standing in pus up to his ankles. Around him groans of pain were heard from children who floated by or were stuck to things like the walls or the ceiling. He cringed as he watched Melvin flout by as he spat out some of the nastiness that was in Zim’s face. Desks were overturned or just completely missing thanks to being thrown out the now broken windows. Zim could barely even see the chalkboard from the yellow sickness covering it.

Zim HATED everything about where he was right now.

“Yeah. Thanks for the information Dib! Remember no tunnel or there will be a Zap! Good Luck!” with that he ran out the door trying not to gag as even the hallways were covered in that crud.

He would find out later that Dib had been blamed for the mess and was forced to clean everything with a tiny sponge. Later Zim might feel bad about all that but right now he just didn’t want to throw up in Skool.

What a wonderful end to an experiment.

Chapter Text

Zim was chatting away with the Tallest like he did every week. Purple was holding a drink sipping away as he relayed the latest messes by the Invaders had gotten in around the planets they were given. Red was snickering as added a few details making sure Zim got the full scope of the screw ups.

“And then he fell off a cliff. As if getting chased out of the village wasn’t bad enough. He didn’t see the cliff and fell into their water source. Then he got attacked by the wild life because the water is also used to attract the animals for hunting. All because he couldn’t tell the difference between the females of the species and the males” giggled away Purple while Red coughed into his fist.

Zim snickered from where he stood in front of his TV monitor with his arms folded and hip cocked to the right. He calmed himself and cleared his throat before saying “Well Invader Spelch was always slow when he came to studies about other species. Clearly it is the ones with the more folds of flesh that are the females.” He sighed as he remembered being the one to find that out.

Without meaning too he had taken to the human saying of ‘if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all.’ Within a few days he had the names and genders down of the whole village he was investigating. Yet Invader Spelch just ignored the whole sector he had added about that race. All because he wasn’t the one who discovered it.

Spelch was a fool.

Red sighed finally getting over the hilarity of the newest mess up before looking over at his Explorer. “How are you Zim? The base still on the fritz?” he asked with a calm smile on his face. Zim sighed as he leaned back on one of his legs. “There were some glitches in the security system, still. I have tried to repair it but something always causes a new problem. It is like I am trying to make a tower of metal without a welder. One side is done only for the other side to fall.” He rubbed his eyes mentally tired from all the work he was doing to save the base and going to Skool on top of it to stop Dib from becoming suspicious about the hole in his security.

While he was talking Red and Purple turned to see a small human child walk into the back of Zim’s report. They watched silently as Zim sensed something behind him and slowly turned just to see the child’s mother walk into the house and say “There you are! What did I tell you about wandering off like that? Come on!” All three aliens blinked as the child ran to his mother and called out “I missed you, mommy!” As the two walked out Zim felt his eyebrow twitch before slamming a hand to his forehead.

He rubbed his forehead wondering if he was slowly becoming crazy thanks to this planet while Red and Purple turned to each other and said, “I'm glad it had a happy ending after all.” Red nodded with an easy smile as he said, “Me too.” Zim moved his hand so one eye was uncovered and glared at the Tallest. They snickered as Zim sighed again and moved on. “Ok. So, I’m going to go try to replace the artificial intelligence brain. If that doesn’t work, I don’t have a clue on what to do next. Explorer Zim signing off.” With a quick salute Zim closed the communication and walked over to Gir who was watching Tv.

“Come on Gir” said Zim as he picked up Gir and placed him on his shoulder. “We're going down into the main system core.” While he walked to the elevator in the kitchen Gir was giggling to himself and called out “Tacos!” before going back to talking to himself. Zim just made small hum to show he was listening.

Soon they exited the elevator and stopped on a nearby hover platform that lowered them into the next level. They walked over to a beam of energy coming out of two tubes and going through a sphere. Zim carefully placed Gir on the floor and patted his head to make sure he was paying attention.

When Gir was looking up at him he said “Gir you have the most important role in this whole operation understand? You have to monitor the download conduit while I replace the old AI brain with this new one.” With that he allowed the robotic arm to come out of his Pak with the new brain to show Gir. “Just watch the data beam for any fluctuations, until the download of the new program is complete. Understand?” Gir turned red and called out “Yes Master!”

Zim nodded and jumped so he was caught in the zero gravity around the control brain. He grabbed on the console’s side and landed himself on a small platform. With a few presses of the buttons the old brain was ready to be taken out. He glared at the old brain knowing he had been waiting on doing this because of how dangerous it was. If one buckle didn’t release or he didn’t move fast enough then there was a good chance of him, the base, the neighborhood, and half the planet going boom.

What a foolish way to go.

With those thoughts in his mind he carefully but quickly pulled the old brain out of it’s place and watched the monitor in front of him to see if he had the count down. He breathed out a relived sigh before carefully position the new brain, not even paying attention to the Pak taking the old one into its depths. Within a second, he had it and called out to Gir “Get ready!” before placing the new brain.

Of course that’s when everything went wrong.

Because this was his life.

Alarms blared, red lights flashed, and Zim could see sparks. He screamed and, even knowing that if it was imploding there was nothing he could do to save himself, jumped from the platform. He fell on to his hands and knees near Gir just bracing himself for anything when it all stopped.

No alarms, the red light gone.

Slowly Zim sat up looking around trying to see if there was anything that could tell him what that was about. He glanced as Gir who stood like a silent sentry from the corner of his eye and knew he had found the probable cause. He soon was on his feet and walking over the silent Gir and the lightly sparking data beam.

“Gir?” asked Zim as he stood next to him companion. “Gir?” he asked again before poking Gir lightly causing Gir to collapse like a broken puppet. “Oh no” he whispered before picking Gir up and holding him close. Zim didn’t really know what to do. He needed to get a new brain and repair the base.

But Gir.

There was a chance he couldn’t fix him. He could be fried and if he was what was Zim to do? Gir was the first of his kind. There would be no other like him even if he made an exact copy.

Zim may have lost his friend.

“No. I refuse to think like that!” called out Zim before he marched determinedly to the elevator. “First I need the base to be up and running again. Then I can fix Gir. After all I am one of the best Explorers in the Empire! Surely I can fix a few fried circuits!” Zim sighed while standing in front of the elevator promising he would keep that determination if only because the alternative was unpleasant.

“Elevator, take me to the storage level” he called out holding Gir close to his chest. Only to hear a whirling sound. Zim felt his eye ridges pull down before saying “Elevator! Take me to- and I’m a fool.” Zim felt his head fall forward lightly hitting his head on Gir’s casing. “I’m an idiot. If the brain is out then it can’t really take orders. There is nothing to interpret the orders.” Zim sighed knowing he would have to use his Pak and cut himself into the storage level.

Great.

“Hello Master!”

“Hello Gir” answered Zim as he wondered what the fastest way to the storage room was. He could try cutting a hole in the ceiling and going up but that would be a lot of repair later. Maybe the elevator shaft was the best- WAIT!

“Gir!?” shouted Zim as he looked down at the still gray body in his arms. “Up here Master! Or maybe over there!” cheered Gir while Zim looked around the room in confusion. “I’m everywhere” Gir whispered before laughing loud and hard. Zim blinked as he took that in before his eyes opened wide in shock. “Wait! Gir! You’re the new brain!?” he asked in shock.

Gir hummed a bit before saying “I guess so? Hey, Master, do you know where my moose is?” Zim blinked hard before asking “Gir? Can you get back into your body?” Gir made another hum before saying “Ooooookkkkkkay.” After that there was some grunting and huffs before Gir said “I can’t.” Zim couldn’t help clutching Gir’s body closer to his chest as he wondered if Gir was stuck in the house now before looking over at the data beam again.

“Of course! The data conduit was damaged! It’s like someone welding a door closed after you enter! If I can fix that then that door will open again and you can go back to your body!” said an excited Zim. He wouldn’t have to loss his Gir. He could save him.

“Yay!” cried Gir but Zim didn’t know if that was in response to him or the little moose he found next to the place he fried. Zim watched as a claw came from the wall near him and picked up the moose, happily squeezing it again and again. Zim sighed as he realized Gir was distracted again when there was work to be done. Again.

“Gir, I need the elevator. We can go to the storage area and get a new brain. With that plugged in I can focus on the data conduit and get you back into your body” explained Zim as he looked over at the claw playing with the moose. “Hmm. Boring!” cried Gir before he dropped his moose. “Ooooohhhhh” Zim blinked as the claw aimed at him not expecting Gir to pick him up causing him to drop Gir’s body. “Wait! No! Gir!” yelled Zim before he was squeezed in seven quick bursts. “Ah! No! Oh, ow, my organ!” screamed Zim as he felt every crack and snap.

After the last squeeze Gir opened the claw a bit to much and Zim wiggled out. He ran to the elevator and used his Pak legs to pull the doors open just enough to jump in. He leaned against the far wall holding his chest taking in deep breaths of air even as he heard Gir’s robotic arm slamming against the door. After a second he took in a deep breath then sighed it out promising himself he would yell at Gir later when he wasn’t in control of Zim’s whole house.

“Ok Gir. That was fun but I need to go to the storage room. Please” asked Zim who knew he would probably have to beg or something to get Gir to help him.

Gir chose something else.

“Do a little dance”

Of course.

Zim felt his eyebrow twitch but he didn’t have a choice. Zim wasn’t the only one who could be stubborn in this base. So with Gir singing Zim started kicking his legs and moving his arms stiffly. After a minute of Zim just moving his arms and kicking Gir was satisfied, thankfully. “Now up we go!” yelled an excited Gir and Zim felt dread.

Before Zim could voice anything he was slammed to the floor as the elevator zoomed upwards. He screamed as he was pushed deeper against the floor while the elevator raised so fast. Zim was launched out of the elevator in his kitchen and was flung to the ceiling only to come crashing to the floor painfully.

With a small groan he got back up on his feet and looked around. “Gir! No. I need the storage room. Remember? So we can fix you?” Zim tried to wheedle but Gir had already turned his attention to something else. “Oh! Oh! What does this do!?” cried Gir as he summoned a blender out of the wall. Zim couldn’t help the way he pinched between his eyes with his fingers as Gir started with everything around him.

Doors flapped open, things turned on and off, Gir had control of it all.

Unfortunately for Zim, Gir had noticed Zim’s reaction to this mayhem.

“Aww! Master! I can make you feel better! With some of this!” and proceeded to surround Zim with at least 10 screens all playing earth cartoons. Zim blinked at the sights and sounds knowing there was nothing he could do to stop this.

“It’s ok. I just have to wait this out. I can out last this” he whispered to himself.

*One Year Later*

Zim sat on the sofa looking straight ahead.

He couldn’t out last Gir.

“STOP! Stop! Come one Gir!” Zim was not above pleading at this point. “Let me go down so we can fix this! Aren’t you bored yet?” He didn’t get a response from Gir but he did get one tv shoved closer to his face then normal. On the screen was some man in a taco suit dancing around calling himself crazy as he twitched down to the floor in a clear mind break. Before Zim could say a word Gir yelled “Must obey the taco man!”

Then the house started ripping it’s self from the underground base.

Zim could only stare out the window as Gir broke the bindings between the house on the base forcing the house into some dog shape.

All for a taco.

Zim felt his knees give out and sat on the floor while Gir gave himself a shake to get used to the new form. He found himself sliding over to the window thanks to all the movement still not saying anything. He just blinked into the distance blank as Gir ran to his taco place.

It was over.

Years of service and clean records were shattered.

There was no way the humans could miss this he thought distantly as he heard crunches, screams, and a few police sirens coming after them.

This was how his story was going to end.

There was no back up plan to a leak this big.

What was he going to do? He asked himself as Gir scraped himself across the ground and breaking from above. Or maybe that was his mind finally snapping under all this. Only for an idea to hit him as the human in the window handed him food Gir had ordered. He quickly grabbed some money out of his pocket and tossed it at the human, not even caring that he had seen Zim without his disguise.

He took the food into his hands and waved it into the air. “Gir! I got your tacos!” Zim called out in a happy voice. “Gimme!” was Gir’s demand. Zim then held the food in his arms and turned away from the center of the house saying “No. You know the rules. We sit down and eat. So lets get back to the base so you can sit down and eat ok?” asked Zim who turned his head to blink innocently up at the center of the house.

“I need them or I will explode! That happens to me sometimes!” wined Gir as a robotic arm came down as if to grab them from Zim who smacked the arm. “No! We sit and eat! So go back and you can have your tacos!” Zim then smiled a small secretive thing as he looked into the back and said “You better hurry Gir. They are getting colder.”

And so began the mad dash again.

Zim held on the window frame with a smirk as he watched the cop cars get left in the dust. There was a chance to save this. All the humans were so focused on the house they wouldn’t think to look at the base. All Zim had to do was switch the brain and then change the color of the house. Then the problem would be solved and Zim won’t have to put earth down as his first failure.

It was so simple it was genius!

Soon they were back at the base and everything was lined up. Zim couldn’t help the smirk as the arm came back to him grabbing a taco from the bag. Zim just started walking back to the elevator knowing that Gir would be much more helpful in 3 2 1.

“Wheres my mouth!?”

Chapter Text

Life was just too much work sometimes.

As the only daughter of THE Professor Membrane Gaz thought she handled life pretty well. She did alright in her classes. She didn’t attack her classmates even when they were being completely dumb. She handled her sunshine and rainbows teacher without breaking him which was really hard sometimes. She didn’t bother her father at work no matter how much she wanted to sometimes. She didn’t attack her crazy brother. Well not as often as she use too. So she thought she had a good grasp on this life thing.

But sometimes she wondered if prison wouldn’t be a wonderful place to live if only to get away from the crazy of this town.

Take right now for example please. She was sitting in her living room just trying to draw a picture of a piggy. Just a small cute piggy. It was so simple and yet she had messed up the picture 3 times already. Why?

Her big brother Dib.

She placed the ONE good piggy to the side before looking up at her big brother. He zipped up a black stealth suit that she knew Dad had made years ago and left in a closet somewhere in the house. He also snapped a belt around his waist that held a lot of his ‘hunting supplies’ for his monsters. He then adjusted a pair of binocular goggles on his forehead that she knew he picked up from dad’s lab in the house.

If it was anyone else dad would have vaporized them or something.

And Dib said dad didn’t support him at all.

She tuned into what he was saying when he looked her right in the eye. “-So I'll be home in time for Mysterious Mysteries. if I'm not home in time, call this number and tell them the Mothman is caught in the spider's web.” Dib handed over a dark card with a number on the back. Gaz glared at it for a minute before she said “It’s family night. We have plans tonight.” Dib blinked at her before sighing “Gaz. This could be my ONE chance to discover if Zim is the explorer he claims he is or an invader. The fate of mankind could be in the balance here!”

Gaz just blinked before saying “Family night.”

Dib rubbed his face before saying “I'll probably be back before the Mysteries theme song starts. I’ll see ya later, Gaz.” With that he ran out the door while Gaz just stared after him. She blinked before looking over at the Tv counting how many shows was before his Mysteries. After that she went back to drawing her piggiys.

Without her realizing it time pasted and soon the theme of Dib show was playing. Without a word she sat up and watched it for a moment before turning to the door almost willing her brother to appear. Instead the familiar sounds of her father’s hover screen came from behind her forcing her to look over her shoulder at him. “Gaz, it's the annual family night out, and it's your turn to pick where we eat. I’ll be home within the hour so pick soon.”

Gaz fell into a small trance before saying “Bloaty's. We're going to Bloaty's Pizza Hog. Pig... commands me!” She was snapped out of it as the Professor said “All right! Make sure your brother is ready to go. After all, what is family night without the whole family right?” With that the screen left and Gaz saw her piggy pizza disappearing in flames.

Thanks to her brother.

“If you don’t get here within the next hour Dib” growled Gaz with a clenched fist. Before she could fall to far into her fantasies of how she would punish her brother her wrist watch beeped showing that she was getting a call. Since her father just called that only left. . . .

“Gaz! The things I have found down here!” gushed Dib from the screen. “Look at all this stuff! I never even dreamed of some of these things existing before nevermind only being a few blocks away!” He sighed dreamily like he had fallen in love before looking seriously at the screen before saying “I’m going to blow it up.”

Gaz felt her eyebrow tick as she wondered how that was going to prove if Zim wasn’t an invader? Like if he didn’t try to kill Dib for destroying his home he wasn’t an invader? Was that his thought process?

Her brother was a moron.

Truly.

“Yeah that’s nice Dib” she said wondering if she was the only sane one in this dumb city of theirs. “But it is going to wait for another day. Today is dinner with dad. That’s all you are doing today. So come home now and get ready for family night.” Dib blinked at her before saying “Sorry Gaz but this is so much more important then some dinner. We can try again later.”

Before Gaz could even think to rip into him like he so rightly deserved there was a blast and a yelp from Dib’s side of the call. She watched as he flailed yelling “Zim! You'll never get away with-“ only to yelp again as he fell to the ground. “You got away with it for now, Zim! For now!” With that the screen went black and Gaz’s patience with her older brother snapped.

She was going to kill him.

It was official.

Dib Membrane was going to die tonight.

She ripped off the watch and threw it never seeing the red eyed glare of Zim’s robot dog. She ran up to her room pulling on a spare stealth suit along with some black boots because the ones her father made for the suit was tacky. She stomped her way down stairs pulling out her game slave to set a timer for an hour.

An hour to save her dinner plans.

Lets do this.

Within 10 minutes she was safely in front of Zim’s house and knocking on the door. Then that Robo-mom opened it with a small smile. “Hello little girl. How can I help you today?” Gaz looked at her for a moment before saying “Is Dib here? He needs to come home. Now.” The robo-woman blinked before saying “I’m sorry. But the only ones here are me, the dog and Zim. No one else is here.” Gaz couldn’t help but pinch the area between her eyes.

So it was going to be like this?

She had wanted to avoid this if only because she didn’t know the defenses of the robots. As the daughter of a scientist she knew how much work went into robots. A slim design could hide dangerous weapons easily or nothing at all. But she was running out of options. With her free hand she reached into a pocket and pulled out the slim stick she used for her Game Slave and thrusted it at the robot’s legs.

Fun fact: Gaz was just as much an inventor as her brother.

So the stick she carried around was actually a taser in mini form made one night as she wondered if she could do it. Turns out she could, and she was glad she did. Because it had just enough voltage to mess Robo-Mom up! Gaz walked into the house passed the sparking and twitching Robo-Mom and walking into the living room looking around for the next place she needed to go.

Only to run into that little robot of Zims.

He looked up at her before saying “Shhh... I'm guarding the house!” She blinked at him before glancing at the tv in time to see a commercial for Bloaty's Pizza Hog start to play. Once again Gaz could feel the small trance take over as she watched kids hang off the clearly overweight man in a pig costume, but Gaz was lost.

She was getting herself some Bloaty's Pizza Hog.

No matter what she had to do to Dib to do it!

She turned to the little robot and stated “Wheres Dib.” She watched as the robot went red and flipped in front of her. She watched as weapons came from his head aiming for her as he growled out “Intruder! No one may pass into Master’s base!” She couldn’t help the small shiver down her spine because for some reason she could feel that Gir just got a lot more dangerous. But she couldn’t back down! No matter what! Because!

Tonight was family night.

The one night a year her father will pay attention.

The one night where they are simply a family.

And she will not lose that warm feeling that comes when they sit next to each other. When talking is easy and they are happy. For that feeling she would give anything to keep it. Even if it means she has to take out what suddenly feels like a much stronger opponent.

“Where is Dib” she growled at the red robot.

Only to silently sigh as he went from red back to his normal teal coloring and the weapons went back into his head. He waved a hand behind him saying “He went down there” and wondered over to a desk in the corner. As soon as he stood in front of it the desk lifted into the air and a lift seemed to open beneath Gir. Gaz walked over to him and stood beside him silently as the lift lowered. She glanced at the little robot still feeling odd at how he went from scary to dumb in a second flat.

‘Just a second ago it seemed like you could kill me. Now you feel as dangerous as a small slug’ she thought. She watched as he smiled opened mouth at her only to get a scoff in return. He just smiled again causing her to look at the wall in front of her. Whatever. She would worry about the bot later. She still had 47 minutes till dinner was ruined thanks to Dib.

She didn’t have time to worry about the robot right now damn it!

So they were at the lab. She looked around at all the wires and tables with scrapes and half finished projects as they walked to what looked like teleporters from a game she played not to long ago. ‘Dib was going on about how he had never seen something like Zim’s lab before. It just looks like a bigger version of dads’ she thought as Gir lead her over to the one she needed. She glanced around as if expecting Dib to pop up before she left only to ask Gir “You're sure they took this one?”

His answer of “Yes! No!. . . .Maybe” did not install confidence.

Before she could say anything else she was already gone. When she stepped out of the transporter she glanced out of the window on her side only to see the earth. She stopped to stare at it for a second only to sigh and pull out the Game Slave. 38 minutes till dinner.

Time to find Dib.

She followed the sounds tapping like as if someone was tapping away at a computer. Soon she heard the familiar sound of Zim snickering away at something, probably Dib like normal. She found herself on a platform looking down at Dib in a large glass containment unit while Zim was standing at a console tapping away. “It is impressive that you got inside my base, Dib. Truly it is a feat that not many can ever claim to hove done. But then you had to try and contact someone from inside the lab. Bad form, my friend” said Zim as he shook his head in mock sadness. “Now I’m giving you a great honor because of that. You see as an Explorer I have to research everything about the planet and it’s people. I have already conducted my experiments on small animals like chickens and such but humans are the main people of this planet. But finding a human who wouldn’t mind experiments is hard work.” He shrugged as he stopped typing to look over at Dib.

“But here you are Dib! Almost a volunteer! Thank you so much, Dib!” smiled Zim as he placed his hand on a lever. Gaz blinked down at the unit that held her brother in some strange purple liquid and wondered if one experiment was REALLY that bad.

She could see it now.

Zim wanting to know if humans lived when they were turned inside out.

Dragging that back to her father.

And him cancelling family night to try and fix up Dib.

Yeah.

No.

With that she jumped on to wires leading to the floor and slid down to land right in front of Dib. “Gaz? How did you get here?” asked a very confused Zim. She glanced over her shoulder and said “Robot dog.” Zim just sighed with a small grumble knowing there would be another lecture in the future for his companion. “Anyway I need him” said Gaz as she pointed to a visibly confused Dib. “It’s family night.”

Zim looked up and sighed. “I know. But I have to try and stop you. You know how it is.” Gaz nodded because she did get it. Zim was a scientist who was being interrupted before he could start an experiment. An experiment that he really wanted to do. So he would do everything he could to stop it from being interrupted, no matter the fact that the two of them were kind of friends. After all, her own father had almost bitten her head off once or twice in the past when she had accidentally ruined an experiment.

Bring it.

With that she kicked the glass container knowing that most circle like glass had a sweet spot that made it Oh So Easy to break. She jumps to the side as water comes rushing out washing Dib out and throwing Zim to the ground. As Zim slowly picked himself up slightly smoking from a few of the chemicals in the water Dib was up and ready to go. “Gaz! You are the most wonderful sister ever!” he cheered. “With you and me working side by side we can beat him once and for all!”

Gaz just grabbed his arm and started to lead him out of the room saying “Yeah. No. We have a dinner to get too.” Dib ripped his arm out of her grasp as he yelled “Gaz! This is the fate of the world in our hands! Do you really want to sacrifice our whole race for some pizza?” Gaz slowly turned to him with a growl. Like a snake her hands shot out to lift him off the ground and throw him on to a nearby hover table. It automatically snaped restraints on him just like she hoped.

With that she started to push him out the door.

“GAZ!” he screamed as he tried to squirm out of the straps. “This is our moment! He's vulnerable! We can stop his reign of terror! Right now!” Gaz growled and hurled the table into a wall only to catch it when it shot back. “No. Tonight is family night. That means pizza with dad. So no. No saving the world. No aliens. No you messing up MY day.” Before either of them could say more there was the sound of electricity running free somewhere. They looked over to see Zim leaning against one of the center transports with a small smile as electricity rained down from above.

“Sorry Gaz” says Zim as he straitened up and started walking over to the siblings. “But I cut the power to the transports. So you can’t get home this way” he shrugged as he walked closer to them. Gaz placed her hands on her hips before demanding “That can’t be the only way. Where are the escape pods!?” Zim crossed his arms with a small sigh and Dib gave an ugly laugh. “He isn’t going to tell you! That would be so du-!” Dib was cut off by Zim saying “Over there. But that means we are going to make this fight so much worse. Are you ready for that?”

Dib blinked dumbly at Zim while Gaz smirked. “Come and get us green boy.” With that she grabbed Dib and started running to the pods while Zim walked behind them to give Gaz a chance to familiarize herself with the controls of the ship.

Dib stared at his sister as she pressed buttons on the console as if she knew what she was doing. The investigator in him demanded that he force Gaz to go back so he could finish his fight with Zim. But the big brother in him popped out instead.

“So you and Zim are close?” he asked slowly as he watched his sister turn dials on the consol. She hummed before saying “Not really. He is one of the more calm beings in this town so he will sit next to me as he tinkers or something. I just don’t care what he does. And now we go” with that they shot into open space.

Dib looked at the windshield in front of him as he tried to take in that information only for a small screen to pop up with red writing that clearly meant warning. From there Dib saw a ship just like theirs speeding after them getting ready to fire. “Ah! Gaz!” yelled Dib as he watched the guns lock on them.

“I got this.” With that Gaz proved why she was a true gamer. Twists and turns that made Dib dizzy were played as they avoided every shot by Zim. And as if to prove how much better Gaz was then Zim she called dad in the middle of her chase to order him at the pizza place.

‘Gaz was the scariest thing he knew’ thought Dib as he took a gulp of air in hopes of settling his stomach.

Before Dib could even think to do anything about that they felt a small jolt before slammed into the back of the ship. “Hold on to something!” yelled Gaz as she started to press some buttons on the control panel in front of her. Dib yelped out “I can’t!” as the ships start to burn because of the atmosphere they were entering. She pounded a button, forcing the thrusters turn on and slam into Zim's ship. The force of the thrusters forced the escape pod to launch itself over Gaz's ship and land in front of it.

Gaz looked over at Zim in the other cockpit to wave as she hit another button. Soon she was free slowly falling back to earth while Zim span out into space. “I’m going to try and make this nice and smooth, but it is going to be a bit bumpy” said Gaz as she took control of the handles of the ship. Dib couldn’t help but pray under his breath as Gaz drove them into earth.

Bumpy it was.

Dib was actually glad to be strapped to his table as he watched Gaz do her best to stay on even ground. He watched as Gaz would let go of the controls as she fell to the ground only to pop up as if she hadn’t just slammed to the ground.

Gaz really wanted her pizza.

Thankfully they landed in Bloaty’s with only a little harm to the fat man they landed on. So that was how he found himself still strapped to his table watching his father remind his assistant that he would be back in an hour for something as Gaz sat with a cat who got the canary grin.

And he just wanted to blow up Zim’s base today.

Chapter Text

Never watch Tv.

That was the lesson Zim pulled after this latest fiasco.

It had started as a normal day. He had come back from skool and sat down to hang out with Gir for a bit before calling the Tallest just because he could. While he was sitting there watching Tv he watched a really bad older movie about time travel. Of course it ended with the message of trying to play with time as a bad idea but it got Zim thinking.

That was how Zim found himself in front a space/time object replacement device he had made himself. With another twist of the wrench he stepped back feeling kind of proud of this. He turned to Gir with a grin saying “Gir! Look at it! Isn’t it great?” Gir who was playing with a rubber piggy in the corner looked up before running up to Zim looking at the machine.

He cheered before asking “What is it?” Zim walked to a panel and started typing away for a second before an image of Dib from the past appeared on a tricycle appeared. “It is a machine to let us see into the past. With this I will begin my experiments on humans. The first one will be Dib like I told him so long ago.” By the end Zim was smiling menacingly as past Dib just happily rode around on his tricycle.

Gir pulled at the end of Zim’s shirt calling his attention again before asking “But Master. Isn’t that bad? All the earth movies say to change the past will have terrible thingys happen to the present.” Zim smiled before patting Gir on the head. “Oh Gir. Those people were trying to do things like stopping someone from dying or change the natural system of things. The difference of us is that I plan to record everything we do and the results we get. Then I will send the file to this moment before everything begins. Thus everything will be unwritten and we will stop all the possible consequence. A complete win for us.”

Gir sat for a moment going over everything his master just said before cheering with a loud “YAY!” Zim just smiled as he glanced at the past Dib pedaling around with Gaz coming out the door of a house to speak to him. Zim looked down at the small pile that was meant to be at his feet. He deadpanned before looking at Gir who was still holding the edge of his shirt even as he started to dance in place with his piggy. “Gir?” Zim called trying to stop himself from getting mad. Gir looked up with that guiltless smile and Zim just stared at him.

Sometimes Zim wanted to kick him.

“Where is the small pile of pigs? That was right here?” Zim asked pointed at the spot at his feet. Zim could see the moment Gir realized what he was asking because the little bot started to panic but Zim had to give him credit for just flailing his arms instead of screaming like he used to.

“Umm. I don’t know” Gir almost wined. Zim sighed before picking Gir up and turning him upside down. “No! No Master! Please not my treasures!” Zim started shaking Gir up and down letting all the lose odds an ends come falling to the ground. Zim could see a half-eaten sandwich, pudding packs, some toys out of kids meals at the restaurants from around the city and the such. After a minute or so Zim placed a sniffling Gir back on the ground safely before digging through the pile that came to his waist.

Lucky the pigs he needed for his experiment were easy to find. He put the small pile at his feet looking up at past Dib glad to see he was still messing around in his yard. “Why the piggys master?” Gir asked with a sniffle as he stated loading everything back into his head. Zim glanced at him before saying “It adds to the experiment. Pigs are something humans love for some reason. But will they when they are constantly at the root of the damage of the head scientist’s son’s accidents? Will Gaz still love them when they almost always hurt her older brother? They add another layer to the experiment.” Zim finished with an almost demonic smirk.

Zim walked to the machine watching as Dib took sight of some kids playing with a toy blow up alien. He couldn’t help the smirk as Dib yelled out “An alien! Stand back! I'll get it!” much to the exasperation of Gaz. Zim pulled his arm back taking aim before letting rip. The pig sailed into the portal. Zim smiled as the computer said “Object accepted! Temporal displacement in process!” Zim felt the smile on his face take a harsher turn as the tricycle was suddenly replaced with the rubber piggy.

He couldn’t stop the snicker as Dib’s legs moved in a pedaling motion, pedaling with the rubber piggy's feet. He laughed as Dib slammed into a tree with enough force to knock some of the bark off the other side. The machine turned to static behind Zim as he went to the monitor he connected to Dib’s home. He knew that there would be a kickback and the regular Dib was going to suffer and Zim wanted to see every second.

For science, he swears.

Zim couldn’t stop the laughter from bubbling out as Dib went from his regular self into a lisping, lightly drooling boy. Zim happily took in his weaker frame and the bumps that covered his face. Zim sighed happily as he took in the damage only one pig had done. “And to think I have at least ten more to go” he hummed to himself as he turned back to the console. “Computer start the file. Make sure to include photos from before we altered time to the aftereffects. It is needed for . . . . proof.”

Or to make himself feel better when Dib was being a real pain in the antenna.

Both work.

He kept an eye on the Membrane household even as he set up his next point of interaction as he liked to call it. When he heard the Bloaty's Pizza Hog commercial start he looked over excited. He grinned as he watched Dib freeze while Gaz looked on apathetic. As Dib cringed away from the tv Zim said “Computer take note. With the intervention of the pig toy the human Dib now has a fear. While the human Gaz seems to be the same apathetic girl she always was. Fascinating.”

Suddenly Zim heard Gir bang his fists on the floor. He looked over in time to hear “Why, my piggy?!?! I love-ed you, piggy! I love-ed you!” while he cried a waterfall in tears. “Also note that Gir is having an episode of caring to much for something he had for all of 10 minutes. I really need to see about looking into his programing” sighed Zim completely missing the news report in the Membrane home about giant fish people.

Zim focused on his console again and tapped away. Soon an image of a younger Dib, slightly older than the other Dib, appeared strapping a hover helmet to his head. Zim watched with a smile as Gaz walked up to Dib to warn him that their father would be angry about the theft of the helmet. “That depends” Zim couldn’t help but say. “If Dib-human went into his lab he may be angry. After all, he could interfere with active work and that is something that can cause a scientist to become murderous.”

Zim shuddered as he recalled Bib who was Head Scientist when he was just a Smeet became the scariest being in Irk to the Smeets of Zim’s generation. An Invader had dropped an experiment that had been in the works for over 6 earth months.

Bib had ripped him apart with his bare hands.

Zim blinked out of his flashback to see Dib start to hover in the air thanks to the helmet he wore. With a bump from the tree he was up up and away Zim believed the saying went. He tilted his head taking in the distance between Dib and Gaz and smiled as he reached a good height. It would cause pain and maybe break something but no death.

Perfect.

Zim tossed in another piggy smiling wider as he heard “Object accepted! Temporal displacement in process!” from the computer. He couldn’t stop the snicker at the way Dib blinked stupidly as the hover helmet was replaced with the pig toy. Zim’s smile got even bigger as he watched a screaming Dib crash into the neighbor’s yard while an amazed Gaz watched in almost seen shock.

So you know it was an impressive fall if Gaz was almost showing emotion.

Zim looked over at the household monitor to see Dib coming into the living room with a cloak around his shoulders saying how he was going to sneak into the base. “How will you change now I wonder” whispered Zim as he watched a white light take over the screen for a moment. When the light dissipated Dib stood there weaker without the cloak. Instead he his hair was disheveled and more teeth were missing from his mouth. A large vein ran down the back of his head where a few spots lived. The biggest change Zim saw was a machine attached to his back that clearly pumped air into him through tubes attached to his neck.

“Hmm. And that’s only after two pigs” hummed Zim as he took in the new damage. Zim listened as Dib’s plan chanced mid-sentence from sneaking into the base to . . . . leaving a nasty note? Zim hummed a bit before turning back to the console for the time machine. “Computer note this. The human Dib is clearly feeling the effects of this experiment. His body is getting weaker and weaker. Even his mind has grown soft. His plans have become lame as humans call it. It is also startling to see how the human body works. It seems they can not regrow limbs or anything of the like. They are fundamentally an underdeveloped race in every way. Hmm. On to the next experiment.”

Zim tapped away again only to see Dib chasing a hairy child up some metal structure. He clung to it with his metal claw while the other waved a camera yelling “It's a Bigfoot baby! I know it!” The kid made it to the top of the structure yelling back “Leave me alone! I’m a normal kid! Who loves to eat grubs!” Dib cackled saying “Yeah! Eat your grubs Bigfoot!” as he shot photo after photo. Zim hummed as he took it all in wondering what would be changed now.

The clawed hand?

Or the camera?

“Time to find out” Zim murmured to himself as tapped his claws lightly on the side of the console before turning to the pile of pigs at his feet. He stopped and stared as Gir was slowly circling the pile like a earthen lion getting ready to pounce. When Gir realized that Zim was watching him he stood still with his hands behind his back whistling innocently. Zim sighed before saying “Go for it.” Before he was even done Gir was jumping into the pile cheering. Zim sighed before picking one up and getting ready.

With a flick of the wrist the pig was in the machine and accepted. “Camera for four hundred” he whispered to himself remembering a game show he had seen on the tv. It had become a bit of a guilty pleasure for the Explorer thanks to its vast information and just plain fun to see if he knew more about earth then the contestants. Zim smirked to himself as the camera was chanced with the thrown pig toy.

He watched as Dib flailed screaming as a pig appeared right in his face. Due to the sudden shock his metal arm opened causing Dib to fall. With the weight of Dib falling on to the oxygen pack it snapped causing electricity to surge through the young boy. Zim cringed away with a small hiss. Even if he was still annoyed with how Dib ran away when he was about to start his experiments electricity may have been a little much.

Then again Dib could be a little jerk.

“Master” called the computer. “The subject: The human Dib has left his place of dwelling. After searching through cameras in the town he is seen coming to the base. Would you like to see him?” Zim glanced at the Dib on the screen that was finally done with being fried before turning to a monitor that he knew lead to the outside. “Yes”

From the cameras on the roof Zim watched as Dib walked, a bit slowly, down the street with his ‘nasty note’ in hand. When the white light appeared, he leaned forward waiting to see the new Dib. Dib was seen even weaker to the point that a stiff wind would kill him, his hair had thinned to only three tuffs and veins appearing on his face and veiny eyes. Zim leaned back with a hum taking it all in wondering if he should stop the experiment before deciding to see this experiment to the end.

While he was making this choice Gir was walking out the front door singing a little song to himself. Zim looked up hearing Gir scream. He watched as Gir dropped his pig and seeing Dib realize who was the cause of the pig tragedies in his life. Zim couldn’t help a little evil smile face as Dib ran (shuffled) to the door to start pounding on it as hard as he could. While Dib was screaming his name at the door Zim was picking up two last pigs.

“And so the end for Dib. For now.”

With that he tossed the pigs into the machine when two paramedics had pulled up to save Dib from his shock in the past. The paramedic was begging Dib to live, if only for his job, and got two defibrillator charge pads ready to try and bring Dib back from death.

But the pads changed from two pads to two stuffed pigs.

No one noticed as the paramedic rammed the pigs into Dib’s chest causing more harm then good. Zim watched with a twitching lip as Dib’s eyes closed slowly. He didn’t know if he wanted to smile or frown at the ending of this Dib. “Only 4 pigs to end an earthen life huh” murmured Zim as a screen showing Dib’s heartbeat and lifeline go flat. He leaned back taking it all in before snapping out of his little funk he had fallen into. “Computer! Make the finally note about the weak human body. Get the files ready for transport to the past.”

With that he stepped away from the machine trying to think of something to occupy himself till the file was sent back to the other Zim. As he walked away, he never noticed the lines on the monitor that kept track of Dib’s heartbeat and lifeline start to move again. He completely missed the Professor appearing on the view of the past to say “Since my son's skeleton was accidentally crushed by a paramedic in a freak piggy accident, I have created the new MegaBoy 3000!” He lifted a small toy up into the air continuing. “fusion-powered titanium exoskeleton! It will give him the strength of ten thousand little boys!”

If only Zim had stayed.

Zim wondered up to the house looking for Gir to see how he was after his scare with Dib, only to feel the house shake. A voice, very deep with a mechanic undertone yelled out “You will pay for ruining my childhood, Zim! YOU! WILL!! PAY!!!” Zim looked at the door slightly afraid as his mind ran trying to figure out how this had happened.

Zim watched as cracks started to form in the wall around the front door only for him to run to the table entrance in the front room. Zim’s summoned his Pak legs to rip the table off and yank the hover platform up. He then jumped down falling at a much faster rate then the platform would have allowed. As the entrance closed behind him he heard Dib break into the house above him.

When Zim got close to the level that the Lab was at he had the Pak legs slam into the walls around him allowing him to slow himself to a easy stop. He then kicked in the door to the level using the legs as that extra boost he needed. As the Pak legs covered the distance from the entrance of the Lab to the machine monitors lit up around him with footage from upstairs.

Zim could feel a snarl appear on his face as he saw Dib rip up his upstairs home screaming about his ruined past. His gnomes were giving their all to stop the crazed human but their blasts were useless. Zim had gotten to the console were a small purple thumb drive like device was sitting innocently on the side. Zim glanced at it making sure it was there before starting to tap in the beginning all this.

Before he could check the portal to make sure it was the right time Zim heard a familiar high-pitched scream. His head snapped two the side where a monitor showed Gir running for his life into the lab while Dib fired lasers behind him. Zim glared for all he was worth before looking at the machine and seeing it had found the him of before. He tossed the thumb drive into the portal watching as it changed with the piggy in his hand. Just as the other Zim noticed it Dib broke into the Lab. Zim turned to face him with his Pak legs out ready to cause some damage when a white light took over everything again.

The other Zim, now the only Zim blinked at the footage he was given. Without a thought he shot the machine with a disintegrating gun he had in his Pak.

Dib in a battle suit that could really cause damage?

No thank you!

Chapter Text

So the idea was dumb.

Zim knew it but he just didn’t care.

See, lately Dib has been getting the upper hand in their little fights. Balls to the stomach. Spraying water from the water fountain. Attempted tripping in hallways. Food thrown to the back of his head. Being tied to the tetherball pole by the tether’s rope. A kick to the area between his legs when he wasn’t expecting it.

Yeah.

It needed to end.

NOW.

So one night Zim tapped away at his computer running ideas through his mind trying to pick one that wasn’t deadly. “I can still feel that mess with the time portals” he grumbled lightly. While the other Zim experienced everything the Pak always made a point to make every downloaded ‘memory’ from another Irken real as it could. If an Irken died thanks to a strange thing the Pak would download the memory so Zim himself would know not to go near what ever it was. Things like that.

So Zim felt that final battle and had no want to do a repeat right now.

“So I need something non deadly but can scare the heck out of a mud monkey” he mumbled as he scaped idea after idea. “So I need something non deadly but can scare the heck out of a mud monkey” he mumbled as he scaped idea after idea. He stared blankly for a moment before he noticed a small file on the computer that was dedicated to a on going study. He absentmindedly clicked it still having ideas run through his head before it screeched to a close.

He stared for a moment before a devious smile appeared on his face.

“Oh. That’s perfect. Just perfect.” He left the computer going to his workstation knowing he had work to do. Tomorrow was going to be interesting.

The net morning Zim was in the bathroom at the Skool sitting Gir on the toilet seat and setting up a machine that attached itself to the wall of the stall. “Alright” sighed Zim as he pulled a microphone-like device out of the bundle of wire. “Remember the plan. I will message you when I’m back with the class and then you will read the script, I gave you alright?” Gir briefly turned red with a deep “Yes Sir!” as he answer.

Zim smiled as he patted Gir’s head and said “Good.” He walked out allowing the Pak to show him what the class was doing. He couldn’t help the small grin as he watched Dib interrupt the lecture to wonder where Zim was and catching the annoyance of Ms. Bitters. Sometimes Dib just made it to easy.

Zim opened the door quietly and walked to his desk trying not to interrupt more before he heard “Zim! It takes 3 hours to go to the bathroom?” from Dib. Zim just glanced over with a shrug knowing it would cause Dib to briefly lose his mind in anger.

It was brillent.

As Dib once again started yelling about aliens and causing the whole class to judge him like normal Zim’s Pak lightly beeped showing the message had been set to Gir. While Dib was working himself up more the intercom went off causing Dib to fall off his desk where he had been standing to yell at Zim.

“Greetings, children of Earth!” came Gir’s peppy voice. Zim smiled knowing that Dib wouldn’t recognize it for a good while thanks to the mature quality Zim had forced Gir to learn thanks to this plan. Dib slowly picked himself up while he and the other children turned to the intercom. “This is your new skool announcer! A special surprise mandatory field trip is happening for the following lucky children!”

Zim watched with a hidden smirk as each child was named except for him causing squeals and cheers around the room. Zim picked up his science book to make t look like he was getting ready to read so he could watch Dib out of the corner of his eye. He watched as Dib’s eyes got sharper and sharper with every name. By the time Gir was done Dib was full on glaring at Zim knowing that something was happening.

But he couldn’t stop it.

Zim started reading his book while the other kids ran out cheering to the bus. Zim could feel Dib stopping in front of his desk as he asked Ms. Bitters “What about Zim?” Zim lowered the book as he said “I was out when he had that last science test thanks to a doctor’s appointment. I have to go to the office and do it in front of the principal to make sure I don’t cheat or anything.” Zim finished with a small shrug knowing that Dib knew that was a lie.

Zim was gone for the test but it wasn’t like he needed to be here to take it. The damn Skool would send it to his house, that was how much they didn’t care. But Dib couldn’t stop him and he knew it. Zim could feel a dark glare while Dib walked out the door and he couldn’t help the dark grin that bloomed after he was out of the room.

After asking Ms. Bitter of he could go take his test he ran to the bathroom stall and grabbed Gir. “Now Gir! Phase 2 is under way!” Gir lifted his arms in the air to cheer before saying “That's my favorite phase!” Zim smiled and patted him on the head saying “Yes. I know.” He pulled Gir to his chest so he could be held in one arm easier and tapped a button on the side of the machine. “Now. Lets get rid of the evidence.” As the machine glowed an ominous red Zim and Gir were taken by a beam to the lab.

Zim taped away accessing the cameras in the bus just in time to see Dib to start questioning the route they were taking. “What is this? We've been passing the same stuff over and over again!” Dib watched a dog pass again for the fifth time while Zim watched him with a slight smile. “Look at that dog! That dog's gone by four, maybe five times already!” Zim watched Dib jump up and run to the front while Chunk defended the dog.

Zim couldn’t help the widening of the smile knowing that the window footage was only a minute long. If he wanted, he could have made it more real but then Dib may not have noticed.

And that would be a failure of this little plan.

With a tap of the finger the cameras in the cockpit of the bus turned to Dib who was looking around so bewildered. Zim knew that the front to the bus looked nothing like a bus but more of a ship from one of those old alien movies.

That was the point.

He was going to scare this mud monkey so bad!

Zim couldn’t help the evil snickering taking over as Dib walked up to the mechanical suit he made for the driver. “E-excuse me s-“ Dib Zim need to turn the suit at that exact moment? To startle poor little Dib to the point that he jumped? No but it made him happy. He watched as Dib tried to pull himself together enough to ask “I couldn't help but notice. That um. Where are we going exactly?”

“Oh Dib. I thought you had more brains then that” Zim couldn’t help saying into the cockpit. He watched as Dib straightened himself slowly from the huddle he was known to do when he was embarrassed. Dib stared at the driver with a face of dawning horror all the while Zim was becoming more and more excited. With a full on demented grin he had the driver’s face open to show him in his lab.

“Zim! What the hell!” yelled Dib as he took in the Irken in a large purple chair with his little robot at his feet chopping on walnuts. Zim couldn’t help doing a little wave. “Like it? You and the rest of the class go on an adventure while I just get to relax. Sounds like fun to me, right Gir?” Zim looked at his feet where his little robot looked up before doing a screechy yell spitting walnut bits out around him.

“What it this?! There is no way you would go though all this just for some rest time!” yelled Dib. Zim sat back like he was trying to relax before shrugging a bit. “Eh. Your right. As you may have already guessed, this is a trap. Please take a look out the windows.” He leaned forward to tap on a diagram of the bus the kids were on that was on his right. Dib looked up in time to see the bus start to lift into the air. He ran to the window and pressed his face against it to see thrusters where the wheels should be. “What the hell is this Zim!?” screamed Dib as he ripped his face from the window to face his rival. “You're launching your enemies into space!?! That's your plan!?! Really!?!” Zim shrugged a bit.

“Not really. See I have no enemies. I’m just an Explorer so I poke around and see how the worlds work. So I have to run experiment to see that. I like to experiment. But sometimes the experiments don’t survive. Its all very said.” Zim said as he checked the time on the screen with a glance. “Ah. Part 2 it here. Take a look, Dib.” Dib looked out the main window of the cockpit just in time to see a wormhole appears.

Dib felt his jaw fall as he saw it appear. “A wormhole” he whispered in near awe. “That IS a wormhole right?! Like a real wormhole!?” he started to almost shout in almost excitement. The little space nerd in his heart was rejoicing so hard that Dib was tempted to start jumping while he clapped like he did when he was really small.

But then he remembered why he was here.

“So what? You called this an experiment? What is it?” asked Dib with trepidation. Zim placed his chin on a closed fist as he leaned to the side. “Problem solving. Wait a moment.” With that the bus/ship flew into the wormhole.

Dib couldn’t help the scream as he felt himself stretch and move in ways, he knew he shouldn’t. A distant part of himself wondered how the others in the back of the craft would write this off.

Probably say they hit a pothole or something the fools.

When he got his footing back and felt more like him he found himself sitting on the floor net to the door with Zim tapping away at a keyboard muttering to himself. “Human reaction. . . . with shielding. . . . without” Dib realized that Zim was taking notes on his reactions along with the kids in the back.

‘How nice’ he thought dimly. ‘I may become a subject for an alien science paper. Dad would be proud.’

He pulled himself back up to his feet and took a few staggering steps trying to get his equilibrium back before coming up to the driver/screen’s side again to watch the colors shifting around him. It was both beautiful and scary.

Dib thinks he may have fallen that much more in love with space.

“So what else is the plan? It can’t be just to see if we would live if you placed up in a wormhole?” asked Dib as he noticed Zim leaning back in his chair. Zim hummed a bit before speaking again. “No. Not really. This was nothing more then the start of the experiment. You see I want to see what you will do. You are alone with no help. Only your case and no one in the class will give you a hand. So how will you save yourself I wonder?”

Dib felt himself fill with a strange almost lightness. Zim was using him in this experiment. He wasn’t asking astronauts with years of experience. He wasn’t asking smart men like Dib’s father.

He was asking Dib.

The town outcast.

The crazy boy that no one really wanted around.

He believed in Dib.

After all, what was the point of an experiment that was guaranteed to fail?

While Dib was trying to wrap his mind around this Zim started talking again. “I found that it is so easy to open a wormhole years ago. Depending on where you open it you can have many possibilities of where to go. Some are to the most relaxing amazing places in the known galaxes. Some are. . . . lackluster for lack of better wording.” With a click of a button a window changed from the view of the wormhole to a place full of green mist.

“Earth has some of the worst luck I could see. One place was filled with a green mist that never ends and I really mean it never ends. I sent a camera inside and it traveled till even it’s fully charged battery was done and Irken batteries can go for about 3 earthen days! Even worse is that mist is itchy with no relief anywhere to be found.” Dib shivered as he took that in. That sounded like a terrible world to even attempt to get locked in.

“The other one. . . . well take a look.” With another click of the key the whole room filled with brown light causing Dib to cringe away with a urge to gag. Zim nodded before saying “Yeah. My feelings exactly. So I picked a good medium I think. Right now you are on a nonstop path. At the bottom will be your destination where you will have to handle the results. Who knows what I picked? It could be better or worst then the other worlds. Only I really know. But a clue for you”

Dib watched with a deep curiosity as something, maybe walnuts thanks to the cry from the small robot, shot from the front of the bus/ship. He watched them drift into nothingness only to hear this cracking sound. He looked up only to see something with brown fur chewing on the walnuts, with shards of the walnuts falling to the ground. Dib couldn’t help the cringe, that was instinctive.

Oh boy this was going to be a tough one wasn’t it.

“Tick tock Dib-Human. The clock is running out” Zim said with an easy smile before allowing the driver’s head to close on the screen. He watched from the cameras as Dib wasted no time to run to the back of the bus and rip open the door. “Computer take note about this adrenaline that humans have. I’ve heard of it vaguely, but I am seeing results.” He was so focused on the note he almost missed Dib’s words.

“Everyone! We're in a wormhole! Zim has launched us into a wormhole and we're flying towards something horrible! Don’t really know what it is but just horrible!”

Zim sat up to look at the Dib on the screen wondering if he really was going to do this. “Why? Why does he ask them for help when he KNOWS they will just laugh? They have never believed him before so why does he go to them when he learns there is actual DANGER? They will just be a hindrance!”

And they proved it.

With a wedgie with enough force to lift him into the air.

Dang.

Even Zim felt that one.

Zim watched as Dib crawled back to his original seat so he could clearly recoup after that. . . . disagreement. He also could only shake his head while everyone on his side of the bus got up and moved to the opposite leaving him all alone. Humans could be very cruel was a fact he learned in his first few days on the planet. Dib gazed out the window clearly trying to think of a way out of this latest mess. He hummed a bit tapping at his lip before looking at the case at his feet.

Zim could feel a little smirk come over his face as he took in the way Dib’s face lite up with an idea. “Go on. Go save your self you little mud monkey” he whispered as Dib attached a device to the window of the bus. He lightly pulled the cord from the device to the laptop to check it was all connected before he got to work. Within in a few moments he pulled up a diagram of the wormhole. With a few more taps he was able to see that a fork in the wormhole was up a head.

All he needed was to make the bus swerve to the right.

He could hack the bus/ship but that ran a risk of missing the fork completely or messing up the bus/ship. He so wasn’t ready to be blown up all because he hit the wrong key right now. Nevermind the chance that Zim was in his base trying to stop the hack. He was broken out of his thoughts by a wad of paper smacking him in the back of the head.

Trying to save people who were jerks was really hard.

He suddenly had a deeper appreciation for the like of Spiderman and such.

Would it really be that bad to let this take it’s normal course? Really? On one had he would be saving himself but then again he would be saving them. Was it worth it? There was a chance he could throw one of them in front of whatever was at the end of this ride saving himself. But then he would probably have no was home.

The computer beeped causing him to look down.

60 seconds to decide.

Suddenly Zim’s voice ran in his head.

“You see I want to see what you will do. You are alone with no help. Only your case and no one in the class will give you a hand. So how will you save yourself I wonder.”

Zim wanted to see what he would do. He wanted to see if Dib would solve this and if he did would he save his classmates. He wanted to see if a human who clearly hated and was hated in return by his people would put that aside to help them. Dib wanted to know two to tell the truth.

“People I need you to move over to the right! Right now!” he turned to them yelling. Jessica was filing her nails scoffed and said “Yeah no. That means we have to be close to you.” Rob who was staring out a window turned to say “No way man. People would talk.” Dib slapped his forehead and almost hissed out “Who. Who would talk. We are all in the same class.” Brian shrugged as he asked “Point?”

They were kids.

They were natural gossips.

Dib sat down clasping his hands together hissing his breath out his teeth and trying to slowly breath in. People. He would never understand people. Sometimes he really HATED people. But he only had a few more seconds and he wanted to live so!

He got up with his case stomping to the left and plops down next to Jessica knowing the reaction. There was groaning and moaning along with an “EWW!” from Jessica before everyone walked to the right seating. He looked down to see the computer telling him that the bus had successfully vered to the right and out of the wormhole.

As he listened to his classmates laugh and call him names from the right he wondered if it was worth it.

He outsmarted Zim so here’s hoping.

Soon the bus stopped outside the skool where it was night now. Dib watched as the kids jumped off complaining about how it was a lame trip even working how lame he was in there. People were so strange. What did he have to do with all this? How was it his fault the trip was a mess? He didn’t organize it!

As he sat there fuming at the classmates a window flickered showing Zim again. “Well done” he said calling Dib’s attention. “You found the problem, a solution, and implemented it within a reasonable time frame. Well done Dib-Human.” Dib felt all that anger and frustration with his classmates slid away like water off a Japanese kappa. Instead a warm feeling took over.

Dib had done well.

It was the first time someone had said that to him.

Suddenly Dib had a thought. “Zim? What was on the other side of the wormhole? Some strange alien species that would have killed us? Some monster?” Zim’s lips scrunched in a way Dib just knew that both amusement and that wonder of ‘should I tell him?’ Zim debated for a moment before a wide amused smile took over his face.

“Oh just a moose.”

“A MOOSE!?!?”

Just another day in the life.

Chapter Text

Is it wrong that Zim wished the box was a bomb?

While he was thankful for the new experiment opportunity this gooey mushy thing he was watching the humans turn into could have all been avoided. If only it had been a bomb.

To understand we had to go back a few minutes to the way they door had slowly creaked open. Back to when Ms. Bitters slithered in with a beeping box. Back to the way all the kids cringed back as the beeping became louder and louder. Only for that crazy lady to push a button causing the sides of the box to shoot out and imbed themselves into the walls.

Revealing a hamster in a cage.

“By order of the Skool board, in an attempt to reduce MISERY amongst skoolchildren, this class is issued one class pet, hamster class... named Peepi” she called out in clear disgust. Without even waiting the kids all got up to gather around saying how cute it was and such. Zim just stood back confused.

‘It is a hamster. A small rodent. Why are they losing their minds over it?” Zim thought in pure confusion as he listened to the kids around him. As he tried to figure out the attractiveness of a small rodent Dib walked up behind him. “So do I need to even call you out about this?” Dib asked half curious about Zim’s reaction to the hamster. Zim glanced back at him before asking “Why do you think it is cute? It is a rodent. A hairy rodent.”

Zim was so confused.

Dib didn’t really know what to say to that and shrugged. Zim stared at the happy little hamster and had a thought. ‘If they love it so when it is small will they still think that if it was oh maybe 50 foot tall?’ He blinked as he let his imagination take over for a second. He pictures himself sitting on the back of the giant Peepi walking through downtown. Of instead of fear and terror they were instead overcome with the power of Peepi’s cuteness.

With a few upgrades they could make they useless hairy thing into the reason that Zim would practically rule the world. He would have test subjects throwing themselves at him for the chance to stare at the giant rodent! Unlimited testing time! Think of all the work he could get done!

Zim blinked out of it and walked closer to the cage. “Yes. That could just work” he whispered to himself as he stared down at the little rodent now drinking water.

He chose to ignore the clearly suspicious Dib in the background.

Later that night Zim called the Tallest and was told how to fine tune the plan. With a small devise that they themselves swore would work Zim left the base for the Skool. He cut a hole in the window of the classroom and snuck in as quietly as he could.

He then found Peepi sleeping in his cage peacefully.

The rest of the night was not peaceful.

The next morning class was going on like normal. Ms. Bitters was torturing the class under the idea of teaching while the students prayed they weren’t the victim on the day. Today Aki was red in the face as she was forced to do a handstand from however long Ms. Bitters wanted. A few kids had their hands together praying that she didn’t die from all that blood to her face while Dib was staring at the cage behind them.

He raised his hand thankfully giving Aki a small break. “Um. Ms. Bitters? Have you seen the hamster?” he asked causing the class to look at the suddenly to big hamster. They watched as it breathed in causing it to press completely against the cage. “He's three times his size, and he has that hideous throbbing alien device on his back!” Dib continued pointing at a gray machine that was attached to the hamster’s back.

Zim ran a hand down his arm till he came till the wrist-mounted remote control that was hidden by him sleeve. Time to start the experiment. ‘What will be stronger? The inner danger sense of all beings? Or the cuteness of the hamster?’

With the press of a button Peepi was ready for action.

Before the eyes of the humans Peepi made a hole with his teeth in the bottom of his cage. When he was free he started to chew all the legs of the desks causing them to fall apart much to Zim’s confusion. ‘I only told him to free himself. What is all this?’ he wondered as he watched Peepi chew his desk to bits. “Well. This is ahead of schedule” he whispered to himself as he felt the first trail of dread start to form.

Zim jumped out of his chair and ran out of the small hole Peepi had chewed through the wall. When he lifted his head he saw Peepi, now the size of a small human child, chew a hole through the fence. He couldn’t help the disbelieving blink as Peepi started walking on two feet towards a building across the road. He couldn’t stop the eyebrow twitch as Peepi yelled and something exploded.

So, it was going to be like that huh.

He could only watch with a strange detachedness as Peepi got in the building causing more explosions and screams. In a small vague hope of maybe being able to gaining control of the rampaging rodent he lifting the wrist control and stated typing out the control that was meant to bring Peepi back to him.

Didn’t work.

Of course.

“Note to Pak: Yell at the Tallest later. Their software has caused my experiment to go out of control. Now I have to figure out how to stop this” Zim paused as he watched Peepi run up the hill to the nuclear power plant on a cliff. Zim felt his eyebrow twitch as he wondered if that was always there and why it was so close to the skool. ‘By The Great Irk. Humans are going to be the death of me’ he thought as he pinched between his eyes. “Now enormous Rodent thanks to the nuclear power plant that is WAY to close to a place for Smeets” he continued for his note. He sighed as he heard the reactors break along with Peepi’s scream of victory.

‘This was going to be a mess’ he thought as he took in Peepi’s new size and spikes. Suddenly Dib was beside him looking up at the destruction Peepi was reeking. “So you got anything to confess?” he asked like he was asking about the weather. Zim replied in the same tone saying “No. Not really. Just never trust your friends when they say something will help without double checking.” Dib nodded humming as they watched Peepi enter the city.

“So you going to do something about that?” asked Dib pointing at how Peepi was smashing buildings and eating cars. “Maybe” was Zim’s answer before he ran off.

When Zim got home, he sat on the couch eating some candy dip with Gir. “You still thinking of a plan Master?” asked Gir as they watched the Angry Monkey show. Zim pulled the stick out of his mouth before saying “Yep. First, I want to see how the army will do. After all, we all know Dib ran right for them. Even better is the news and humans are filming so I don’t even need to observe. They will do all the hard work and I can work on how to stop the hamster. Perfect if I do say so myself.” With that he stuck the stick back in his mouth continuing to watch the show with Gir.

Only for a news bulletin to interrupt.

“Reports are now in that Ultra-Peepi is headed for the City's pellet plant. If he reaches their reserve supply of hamster pellets, he could grow to unimaginable proportions!” yelled the newscaster who fumbled his papers while videos of Peepi’s destruction played behind him. Zim blinked before asking “And this pellet plant is where exactly?” The Computer piped up with “A few miles behind the house” just in time for the ground to shake.

Zim just sighed before saying “Of course it is.”

He then ran off to get the Zhook because it was 10 times stronger then the Zoot as sad as that was. Soon he was in and out the attic entrance looking at how close Peepi was to the base. Oh boy.

He started firing small blasts hoping to pull Peepi away. “Go! Away from the house!” yelled Zim in the vague hope that Peepi would take verbal commands even id he wouldn’t take the digital ones. Peepi just screamed as he stepped on another house as if to spite Zim. Of course.

Zim sighed before steeling himself. “You made me do this, Peepi! I hate to be the bad guy but you must be disciplined; or you'll never learn!” With that he powered up the guns in the Zhook and started firing. The blasts left behind charred fur and a more angry Peepi that was out to get the Zhook. ‘Just what he needed’ thought an annoyed Zim. Peepi swung his arms trying to hit the Zhook all the while Zim shot and dodged. Suddenly a laser shot from Peepi’s mouth hitting the side of the Zhook causing Zim to spiral to the ground. “Ok! What was that!?” screamed a falling Zim who knew he didn’t ask for any lasers!

He blacked out for a second when he hit the ground but soon was shocked awake thanks to the Pak. He sat up and climbed out of the wreckage taking a second to morn the lose of his gift. Well he could blame the Tallest for this mess, so it wasn’t really his fault he figured. They were the idiots who gave him the software for Peepi’s transformation, so it was their faults he was sure.

With the blame game now over, he pulled out the communicator out of his Pak and called for Gir to come and get him. When he finished the command, he felt one of his antennas twitch causing him to look to the side and seeing Dib muttering to himself. Zim blinked overhearing Dib debating if he should grab Zim now or wait till after the hamster was taken care of.

Yeah like that was going to happen.

Zim couldn’t help the small huff knowing that he was going to have to get the human for that little plan later. ‘Right now’ he thought to himself as Gir arrived in front of him ‘I got a hamster to take care of.’ He hopped on to Gir’s back getting ready to take off when he heard “Wait!” from the human. He turned his head so the corner of his eye could see Dib who was waving his arm in the air. “Zim. Please. Promise me you’re on our side this time” Dib asked sounding serious for once. Zim stared for a moment before facing forward. “I know not of sides” he began “But just this once you and I share the same objective. The hamster must be stopped.”

With that he raced off knowing he needed a plan and now.

And he may have had the best one for how low on time he was.

When Zim got back to the house he made Gir drop him off on the roof. With a press of the button he went down into the storage area for the Voot. He jumped in and took off to the last known location for Peepi. He watched as Peepi stomping on tanks and knew he had to do this now before something else got a hold of Peepi’s attention.

He zoomed down to a local hotdog joint and ripped the hotdog mascot off the roof with a little to no trouble. He then flew up to about Peepi’s height and started to wave the hotdog in the air. “HEY! Peepi! You hungry?” he called out through the speakers of the Zoot hoping that this would get the giant hamster to follow him.

Luckily it was.

He flew down the street dodging the occasional bullet from the army all the while dragging the hotdog down the street. Soon he was at the next step of the planet and laid some large spherical devices around a ferris wheel that he knew was in the outskirts of the city. He parked the Voot watching as Peepi stared ripping through the park, destroying the roller coast and stepping on tents that sat in his way. Zim smirked to himself as Peepi drew closer thanks to the picture of a hotdog on the side. “Closer Peepi. Closer still” he whispered to himself as Peepi took a few more steps.

When Peepi got to the wheel he started eating much to Zim’s annoyance. “NO. Bad Peepi. Don’t eat that” he said as he sighed because he knew that Peepi wouldn’t listen. His attention was taken away from Peepi when he saw the tanks arrive and Dib running up to them. Zim watched for a moment before they shoved Dib in a bucket causing another sigh. Humans.

He turned his attention back to Peepi and pressed a button in the Voot. He took off just as thrusters on the ferris wheel started up causing it to slowly rise. Just as Peepi was about to jump off Zim started zipping around him making sure that the spherical devices launched properly and incased the hamster. Zim watched as the hamster was launched into space giving little two fingered salute in goodbye.

He then turned the Voot and went back home.

He had some Tallest to yell at.

Chapter Text

Zim held tight to the controls of the Voot as it spiraled out of control. Gir was screaming behind him while Zim did his best to control their free fall. He lifted a hand, ignoring the sparks that hit his fingers, pressing three buttons in quick succession before grabbing the controls again. He felt a feral smirk appear as he watched the roof of the base open showing the landing pad.

Time to see if the years piloting were actually worth something.

He twisted the controls so instead of slamming into the house he ended up being lifted into the air. He killed the power to the Voot when they were a few feet over the open roof. “Brace yourself Gir!” yelled Zim as they started to fall out of the air. Just before they slammed into the landing pad Zim felt, and heard though that was surprising given how had pretty much he had deafened Zim from all his screaming before this, Gir wrap around his neck.

This was going to suck.

Zim slowly pealed his face of the console trying to hear past the strange sounding ringing in his head. Only to glance up and see Gir taking a long sip of the random slushie that Zim hoped he had somewhere in the Voot because if Zim was passed out long enough for him to go get one. . . .

That was problem.

Zim sat up rubbing he head just staring at the small who was still sucking at his straw happily. He blinked before sighing while Gir started coughing thanks to his drink. “After we fix the Voot Cruiser, Gir” said Zim as he bent till he heard his back crack “I wanna run a few tests on your artificial intelligence chip.” He leaned over so he could pat Gir’s head saying “It could use some. . . . work.”

He happened to glance up hearing the roof start to close only to see the house behind the base.

A light was on.

A silhouette was in a window.

Someone had SEEN them.

Without a single thought Zim jumped grabbing Gir and rolling to the window. He firmly slipped a hand around Gir’s mouth stopping the startled scream Zim knew was trying to form. He pressed against the wall even when he knew the window that was normally on this side of the house sealed over like it was never there. With a silent order to his Pak the wall opened a small hole allowing Zim to look over at the other house.

His eye focused seeing a small figure that looked like an Earthen Smeet. His lips straightened as he wondered what he was meant to do. Irken Smeets could speak and act independently from the moment they were free from their tubes. If an Irken Smeet said they saw a potential hostile on Irk then it was check into. Was it the same on Earth? Was he about to have the human police at his door?

Now that he thought about it Earth Smeets didn’t seem to do much. Like they could sit up and babble. Was that the same with all the Earthen Smeets or were the ones he met an exception? It was to dangerous to just leave it.

He needed a plan.

Now.

Without a thought Zim ran back to the Voot allowing himself to fall with it as it moved into the lower levels of the base for repairs. He kicked off the Voot when the reached the living room knowing that he needed access to the disguises on this level of the base.

Zim looked down when he felt Gir shake from his suppressed screaming. Zim tossed him to the sofa and kept running to the disguise closet that he kept hidden in the room. Behind him he could hear the small metal thumbing that came from Gir’s small feet. “Master! What happened!?” asked Gir as he ran into the small opening behind Zim. Zim had the Pak start pulling up possible occupations the humans had that would let him slip into the house to see the Earthen Smeet without questions.

He pulled jackets down along with hats wondering what the hell he was going to say to get into the house. “A Earthen Smeet saw us. It saw the house open. It saw the Voot land. It saw US without out disguises. I need to see the Smeet in hopes of stopping it from spreading word.” He could almost hear Gir’s confusion as he asked “But Master, babies can’t hurt anyone. How can it be a problem to us?”

Zim turned as he wrapped himself in a dark green coat that covered all of his body. “Because that baby can plant the seed. It can tell the humans about the strange neighbors and while they laugh now, they may think about it later. Start connecting dots and suddenly our whole mission is blown the bits.”

He turned back to clothing in front of him pulling a black beard along with thick eyebrows. He placed them in their correct places and pulled out a red nose. He didn’t like it but he needed to obscure his face as much as he could. He couldn’t risk the parents knowing who he was after this. He was debating on a hat or helmet when Gir spoke again. “But Master, the human Dib knows us? Why aren’t you worried about him?” Zim popped a dark green helmet on his head liking how it fell that much more into his face then the hats did.

Hopefully this would be enough.

“Gir. The human Dib is already seen as crazy. He can’t compromise our mission unless he has proof.” Gir tapped at his chin as he took that in. He could see his master’s point but it was still something hard for Gir to see babies as a possible danger.

He just knew they tasted good.

With a clipboard in hand Zim was ready to go to the possible security risk. He lifted Gir up with his left hand causing the tiny robot to start laughing and started walking to the living room. “Here” he said as he placed Gir on the floor in front of the Tv. “I’ll be back in maybe an hour. Till then watch the Monkey and we can see about food after.” He walked out of the house smiling at the cheering from his little bot before feeling his face drop into a small grimace.

“Gir does not see the danger around us” he whispered as he started to walk around the block hoping that the Earthen Smeet would be away from the window when he got to the house. He didn’t want to give it a chance to act innocent. He fell back into his thoughts as he kept walking.

Gir had only known earth. If he had any memories of Irk, they had to be so small compared to all the things he had experienced on this planet. His favorite foods were from earth. His favorite sounds were from earth. His favorite games were from earth. He probably saw himself as more Earthen then Irken at this point.

“But we are not from this place” he murmured as he turned a corner. They were visitors in this place. They may live here for the rest of their lives but there was always going to be a divide between them and the humans. So steps had to be taken. To keep their lives in this happy little bubble they had, somethings had to be stopped. Like the humans finding out who they were. Because the moment they were discovered was when this all ended.

And Zim refused to let that happen.

“I will do whatever it takes to stop that” he whispered as he turn the final corner to the street where the Smeet lived.

He was an Explorer. An Explorer from an empire that he was proud to be apart of. Everyday that he learned something new was another day to help his people. When he finished learning about this planet, he could jump all around this galaxy and learn even more.

A place of his own where he was never bored.

Where he could learn something no one else ever did before.

It was paradise for him.

And something was threatening to take it away.

A small human was possibly taking away Gir’s home and his paradise.

Zim felt the grimace on his face get bigger as he walked up to the house. “I am an Explorer” he whispered to himself. “I will complete my mission. No matter the cost.” With that rang the door bell pulling the helmet down a little more to hopefully make it harder to see his features.

The door opened to show a woman blinking at him with a bandage on her head. “Yes?” she asked in a tired town. “Yes. Hello miss. I am with the neighborhood baby inspector” stated Zim as he pushed past the woman. He stepped in looking calm and confident while inside he was screaming ‘I panicked!’ knowing he messed up the name.

He was just going to have to roll with it.

“I have come to inspect the baby” he stated as he looked around the house. He was drawn to the photos seeing how the Earthen Smeet had not aged in several years. This confused him because he remembered reading that humans had to start their studies at 4 he thought. That was how he based the grade he entered anyway. But this baby hadn’t aged at all?

There was something strange here.

He ignored the lady talking to him about how her baby was perfectly fine and started walking to the stairs. “Yes yes. I’m sure the baby is fine. But I have to inspect the baby. You know how it is.” He heard the lady walk up behind him offering to get the Earthen Smeet causing him to turn to her saying “No. It is fine. I have to inspect the child’s room to. You know to see if there is anything unsafe.”

With that he wondered up the stairs and to the Earthen Smeet’s room. He found a door with a sign board with a happy face on a cloud that the other doors didn’t have. He guessed it had to be the Smeet’s room. He slowly opened it to see the Earthen Smeet sitting on the floor with toys scattered all around.

For a moment Zim and the Smeet stared at each other.

He watched as a line of drool fell down the baby’s face and those big eyes blink at him innocently. Zim started walking up to the baby having his Pak start to scan the baby in its most undetectable way. He had no idea if there was tech to detect a scan in the room so he was being as carful as possible.

If an Irken Smeet could be trusted with Pak legs then they were just newly formed then who knew what humans gave to their clearly defenseless Smeets?

“Hello Noogum. That was what your mother called you yes?” he asked as he sat on his knees in front of the Smeet. He glanced at the blocks in front of Noogum but could see no clear words but he would check in there was a code when the Pak was done with its scan.

Noogum just blinked at him innocently.

“I wonder if you can speak. Your mother made it sound like you were a young genius. I’d really like to see if you are” Zim kept speaking in the calm soft voice that was used on most young. While Zim had never been a Caretaker like other Invaders there was still a little of that inner animal brain that all creatures had that said ‘protect young.’

And Zim refused to be cruel to a being that didn’t need it.

Zim watched the baby babble at him and drool even more. He blinked as the Pak told him it was done with it’s scan. Alright. This Earthen Smeet wasn’t going to help him then he would have to do it his way. “Alright Noogum. I got to go now. We can talk later.” Zim got up walking slowly to the door with a little hum. He closed the door with a little wave and walked down the stair telling the mother that her baby was just fine.

With that he was out the door and walking down the block the same way he came. “Scan results” he called out when he was sure he wasn’t being over heard by the mother. He felt a small flash of heat in his eyes that let him know that the Pak had connected to his eyes showing him its results.

“Hmm” he muttered to himself. “The small thing has very strong brain waves. Much stronger than even the mother in the house. So he could understand and probably reply. He just chose not to. There is something vaguely acidic around the child and it isn’t something that is coming from the house because the mother is clear.” Zim continued down the road and around the corners of the block knowing he had a lot to look up now.

He got home, made a homemade pizza for Gir and went down to the repair shop for the Voot. He sat in front of it typing away at handheld computer trying to see the levels of acid that the human body could take before it went deadly along with how Noogums was still a baby after several years.

So far from his understanding Noogums should be able to talk and move like others with similar diseases. Even more so that much acid in him should have killed him 10 times over thanks to that small body of him.

“Something strange is going on in that house” Zim whispered to himself. He ignored the ohhs and ahhs from Gir behind him just until everything went black. When he next opened his eye he found himself on the floor with tingles running up his body that told him he had been Revived by the Pak. He turned to find Gir floating around cheering thanks to the power amplifier being plugged into his head.

Zim sat up, stomped to the amplifier tuning it off, caught the falling Gir, and ripping the wires out of Gir’s head. “No. Please don’t play with that. It is to dangerous” ‘Mostly for me’ he finished in his mind. Being Revived was something he always hated. He always felt like he was in the wrong skin for the next few days after. It didn’t help he had two Tallest always monitoring the Revival Function on his Pak. He was going to have to call them before a day passed on Irk or they would come to the planet ready for war.

So not what he needed.

He was broken out of his thoughts when he heard the door bell ring from the front of the house. Zim blinked a moment before running for a machine with a wire hanging down. He was lifted up on to the upper level allowing the computer to place his disguise on as he wondered why the bell rung. ‘The security system should have warned me as soon as anything set foot in the perimeter. So why did the bell ring?’ he wondered as he entered the living room from the elevator going right to the door.

He opened it, looking to his right and left before sighing. He figured that something may have hit the button like a thrown rock or something. It happened once or twice in the past that a car drove by and kicked up something from the road. “But it’s a first for the door bell to ring. Mostly it hits the door and that it. But sometimes there is a lucky shot” he murmured to himself only to turn and see a bunch of babies in green battle suits.

Noogums was in the front.

Zim couldn’t help the “Aww Fuc-“ if you paid him.

Soon he was tied to a chair with a so far unnamed baby taking off his disguise bit by bit as him and Noogums had a stare down. “I knew you weren’t a normal baby” Zim finally broke the silence. Noogums growled in a deep growly tone before a surprisingly deep voice yelled “Don't call me by that name! It is demeaning to a leader of the proud and fierce race of the Nhar-Gh'ok to be dubbed Noogums.” Zim looked at the sneer that twisted the once innocent face into something nasty.

‘Nhar-Gh'ok, huh. Alright. Good to know what race will burn for this injustice later’ Zim thought with blank look on his face. The Tallest would settle for nothing less.

Nookgums who’s real name turned out to be Shnooky of all things started to tell the story of their past. Of how they came to the planet on an exploration and came across an Earthen Hospital. In it was there the Human’s kept their babies who the crew that were their people being trapped. They had been discovered by the guards of the Hospital and were forced to flee. While running a Private Fooby ended up panic calling the mothership for pick up only to end up giving them the wrong coordinates. Instead of the coordinates of the team he gave them the real babies.

Each and every Nhar-Gh'ok was rounded up and forced into the places of the babies they had accidentally kidnapped. By the time the Nhar-Gh'ok were alone and could make another call the mothership was long gone.

So they had been trapped on earth living the lives of the children they had taken with no hope of going home.

Until Zim and his Voot came that is.

Zim felt an eye ridge lift before asking “And you think I will just give you my ship? Really? And why would I do that?” The Nhar-Gh'oks all stopped and stared at him like they didn’t realize that he wouldn’t immediately agree. To give him credit Shnooky snapped out of it first and commanded “We'll tell the humans all about you if you resist us!” Zim just smiled wickedly even as he almost sweetly said “Aww. How cute. The babies are telling stories.”

Some couldn’t help but flinch back as they remembered all the baby talk from their Earthen parents. Zim let his smile stretch that much further as he said “You really think they will believe you? Humans seem to only see what they want. Case and point they still treat you like babies even after the years you have spent on this rock. They haven’t tried to advance you with stimulating books or anything like it. You are still just little drool buckets to them.”

Zim felt his Pak start to heat up in prep of his Pak legs shooting out and ripping the ropes apart. Shnooky growled before saying “Then we will show them your corpse.” Before any of them could do anything to him, the Pak legs shot out of his Pak throwing a few of the Nhar-Gh'oks away from him. He flipped in the air once before landing on his hands to use his arms to push himself into the entrance the sofa just opened. He free fell hearing the angry shriek of the aliens upstairs but not caring a bit.

Using the Pak legs to scrap down the sides of the shaft to lose some momentum he was able to land safely on the floor of the storage level. He started running for the elevator shaft knowing that the Nhar-Gh’oks were probably already on their way after him. He ran through the doors yelling out “Computer! Voot Cruiser repair bay! Now!”

He turned to watch the door close only to see the Nhar-Gh’oks running up on him with yellow eyes, teeth like knifes, spit trailing after them. Before they could get him the doors closed firmly and he was descending down. “Fast as you can” he whispered as he stared at the floor. “I need as much distance as I can to think up a plan.”

Only to hear thuds and evil laughter from Shnooky.

Zim only grunted before turning to the wall behind him. He had the Pak legs come out and used them to form a laser to cut a hole through the wall. He threw himself out of the hole and out of the shaft. He turned just in time to see the Nhar-Gh’oks go right past him still clawing at the roof of the elevator.

With the Pak legs help Zim was able to quickly crawl over some of the huge wires and duck under the other ones till he came to a grate covering a shaft. He ripped the grate off to take a look into the shaft noticing how small it was. He nodded once before having the Pak form a small shield around himself.

With a hop he sped down the shaft, using the shield as a kind of ball, going faster and faster before he popped out of the end right on top of the Voot.

With the pop of the shield Zim was flung into the air where the Pak legs thankfully caught him before he landed on his face. He looked up only to see Gir beatboxing into a wire from the Power Amplifier and could only feel thankful. ‘If they had gotten a hold of Gir. . . .’

He didn’t even want to think of it.

“Gir!” he barked out causing Gir to turn and sault him. “We have an incoming! I need you to run a distraction for the fake babies!” Gir then held his hands close to his chest as he cooed about how cute babies were. “That’s great Gir! Now try and stall them while I move the Voot!”

Zim ran up to the Voot hopping in and starting the sequence to get it up and running only to hear “Malfunction!” before he was wrapped up in wires He was now trapped in the Voot scrambling on how to get out of this mess all the while thuds were heard from the other side of the entrance. “Gir! They are getting in! Do something!” he yelled hoping that Gir could come up with a plan or something for once.

Only to be disappointed.

As Gir happily attached himself to the Power Amplifier again, Zim had finally worked himself out of the wires. He hopped out of the Voot scrambling for a new plan only for the door to start melting. He couldn’t help the small hysterical thought of ‘oh, that’s why they are so acidic’ when he saw one of the baby had seemingly spit a hole through the door.

Shnooky walked forward calmly saying “We will take your ship, and for the trouble you caused, we're going to destroy your base, leaving you stranded here, just like we were.” He then threw up a hand yelling out the order “Now my minions, form Giganto Baby!”

Zim tilted his head watching as the Nhar-Gh'oks throw themselves at each other seemingly turning into some kind of clay forming a large figure that towered over Zim by a number of three Tallest.

This was going to suck isn’t it.

Zim started running while Giganto started trying to rip the lab down around them. “Oi!” yelled Zim. “I’m going to make you pay for that!” Only to get a wire to the middle. Zim was flung into a wall where he laid winded for a moment while he watched though hazy eyes as more and more of his lap was ripped to bits. His eyes couldn’t help but focus on Gir for a moment watching him flout around happily. Suddenly Zim blinked and remembered earlier that everything went black for him when he was caught in the blue power coming off Gir. “Pak. Revival File code marked number 35” he whispered now watching Gir dance throught the air instead of the Giganto.

Within a second the word that would stop this attack in its tracks.

Braindead.

“Alright” he whispered to himself as he slowly rose from the ground hoping to not have the Giganto’s attention for another moment or so. Suddenly he started running across the room catching not only Gir’s attention but Gigantos. While Gir cheered him on he could almost feel Giganto behind him. He could hear the thuds of heavy feet and the evil laughter that Shnooky released behind him. A sudden thrust by a Pak leg sent Zim out of the grip of the Giganto and next to Gir. He threw himself at the Power Amplifier and turned it up as high as he could before throwing himself at the Voot allowing the room to be covered with the blue light that had killed him earlier.

He covered his antenna as the Giganto screamed in the voice of all the Nhar-Gh'oks coming out as one. He was so glad that Gir had happened to flout under the platform the Voot was on so he was safe from the blue light. Soon the Power Amplifier shut it’s self off to protect it’s self leaving Gir just hanging from the wire looking a bit lost. Zim looked down at the Nhar-Gh'oks smiling as he watched them babble, crawl, and drool like other Smeets of Earth.

With a help of the Pak legs Zim went down to the floor and helped Gir off the wires. Zim couldn’t help the smug smile as he walked up to Shnooky and picking him up watching those eyes blink at him innocently like from before this all started. “You know, Shnooky, I’m almost sorry that this happened to you. Because now you will not know the fate of your world. You will be trapped here till you die and I just don’t care.”

With that he ordered the computer to make sure every new Earthlings got home safe and sound while he walked off with Gir happily talking to himself.

Gir needed a system check and he needed to call the Tallest.

Chapter Text

Zim blinked at the tower of cards that Ms. Bitters was forcing a kid to make to help with her lesson. He watched as the poor kid rocked from side to side from his little rope harness as she drowned on and wondered ‘is this really a normal lesson? Like if I looked outside this town would this count as normal?’ His eyes caught on to Dib and he couldn’t help the small smile forming on his face at the sight of his Big Problem as he wondered what mess was going to hit the human now. He took in the way Dib had pulled his chair as far back as he could along with the way he held his hands up in the air so he wouldn’t touch the tower that Ms. Bitters had made his desk the base for.

He blinked his eyes and then looked up at the kid on the rope who was holding a bunch of cards. When Ms. Bitter’s waved her hand he dropped the lot on top of the tower he had spent probably over an hour making causing it to wibble and wobble. As she spit out words about useless students and the collapse of society the entire tower fell covering a good portion of the floor never mind Dib’s desk.

When the desk creak ominously Zim knew exactly what was going to happen.

He just blinked when the desk snapped under all the pressure.

He turned his head back to the board as he wondered ‘Is this all there is really to skool? Sitting here at a desk for hours listening to a teacher talk and talk? Learning was fun on Irk. So why is it so bad here?’ He sat there pondering on this until he heard Dib yelp. He looked over only to see a rat firmly attached to his face.

No one even blinked.

‘Yeah. Earth Skool is weird’ Zim firmly decided before looking at Ms. Bitters called out “LIGHTS” causing the whole room to fall into darkness. He blinked when the chalk board opened up showing a Tv screen behind it. It played a countdown starting from 3. He vaguely heard Dib scream in the back but all he could go was ask why the Skool had money for hidden screens but not enough for new desks.

Once the countdown ended, the screen changed to an image of a man in a dog costume and a clown suit holding a can of Poop soda. It cut to the same guy in the dog suit in a vandalized alleyway. The camera zoomed out a little too far for a second so that the studio it was filming the ad was shown before the camera zooms back in. Poop Dawg chucked the can of Poop he was holding while rap music played in the back.

“Word up, kids! This is Poop Dawg! The Poop Cola gangsta clown with a little fund raiser! Do you wanna go magnet with da moneys?” While the kids in the video cheered Zim leaned back to whisper to Zita “Was that even English?” She giggled away like he said a funny joke but Zim was honestly confused.

What had the dog just said?

Poop Dawg lifted up a box of Poop Cola Candy as if he was holding up some prize yelling out “Then jack this box of Poop Cola Candy! It's the great taste of Poop Cola wrapped in a layer of chocolate madness!” Kids cheered in the video Zim felt his eye twitch. ‘Why was it named poop? Of all the names?’ The Dog started dancing in place as he called out “Every bar you sell earns money for your skool, but what's in it for you? Prizes, prizes, pra-zises!”

‘So that’s how they get the kids to sell the candy’ Zim thought as he heard the ohs and ahs from both the kids in class and the video. He didn’t listen to the list of prizes knowing he didn’t need anything at the moment.

Until he heard secret.

He perked up as the dog repeated that only the top sellers won the top secret prize. Secret prize? What could that be? He knew that no one in his class would win it but he was really curious! It is the curse of the Explorers that they NEEDED to find out EVERYTHING they could.

So Zim guessed he was going to be selling candy.

The next day Zim found himself holding a box of candy and Gir’s hand in the other just looking around him. It seemed that the adults didn’t want anything to do with the fundraiser. He watched as cars drove off, people screamed, and kids suddenly become much more dangerous than he was used to. He walked past a house that he saw Maddy kick in a door for and glanced at the house he knew Billy had snuck into thanks to the garage.

This was going to be a pain wasn’t it?

He wandered down the street while Gir danced as he walked with the spare box of candy attached to his head. He patted Gir’s head in hopes of calming him a bit while he watched all the houses lock up as if he was one of the many Invaders. Windows shut, blinds closed, doors locked, shadows hid behind trees.

Soon he got to a street corner and turned wondering if he could see if he could sell to shops he heard “ZIM!” He glanced behind him to see Dib stand up from the slouch he was in clutching a juice container with the same symbol as the candy they were carrying. He couldn’t help but notice the empty candy box at Dib’s feet along with another huge box sitting next to him.

“I sold a whole box at my dad's lab! Beat that!” announced Dib with a smug grin. Zim blinked before asking “So you abused your position as your father’s son to get people to buy these? Well that’s one way to do it I suppose.” Dib blinked at him before yelling “It isn’t like that!” Zim just tilted his head confused before asking “Isn’t it? Your father holds a position of power over them so they have to keep you happy so they can keep their jobs. So doesn’t that mean there was a power play there?” Dib just blinked before running up to Zim to throw his juice in his face and smack the box of candy into the air.

Zim just watched it all with a bored look on his face.

“You will never win Zim! I’ll make sure you don’t!” yelled Dib before he ran off with his big box. Zim just sighed before he leaned down picking up each candy bar. His Big Problem could be a big pain in the neck sometimes. He stood up and looked at Gir who stared after Dib with his eyes tilted in a way he knew meant confusion. “Whats up Gir?” he asked causing his little bot to swerve his overly stuffed human head to sway dangerously as he looked at his master.

“Master, Why is his head so big!?! Why's his head so big!?!” he screeched as he pointed a stubby arm after Dib. Zim just smirked before kicking open a garden gate next to him. “Alright Gir. You know the plan” Zim stated while he walked up to the door. He heard Gir laugh behind him causing the smirk to warm up into a small happy smile.

Time to get to work.

He knocked on the door in front of him causing a little old woman to open her inner door with a suspicious look on her face. Zim placed the saddest look on his face like the research had told him if he wanted to be a successful seller. He pointed at Gir who was hopping around making all kinds of odd sounds already as he spoke in a sad tone. “I’m sorry to bother you miss but I need to sell these for my little brother. As you can see he is” he paused letting himself and the old lady to look over at Gir who started break dancing. The old lady came out to watch while Gir went faster and faster till he spun on his head.

Pop went the body.

“Very unwell” he finished turning to the horrified woman. She stammered before frantically ripped a couple dollars out of her pocket. She shoved them into his box before grabbing one of the candy bars. He watched as she ate the bar in three big bites before falling to her knees coughing like she was dying. He shrugged a bit before saying “Well that would be the Sawdust.”

He hopped of the step of the house walking over to Gir’s body. “Come on. Next house” with that he started walking off knowing Gir was up and following him to his head. He could hear the still coughing lady get into her house but she was no longer needed. He pulled the money out of the box before sighing. “She only gave us just enough for one bar. We need to hit the next house.” He turned to Gir who was all fixed and hopping around with the big box on his head again.

Gir did a happy coo and started skipping to the next house.

And so it went on. He would knock on doors while Gir acted crazy. He ripped up gardens, screamed to loud, and caused untold trouble. Some gave money while others shooed him away. Sometimes peacefully while others were . . . . less then kind. He did admit that while the hose that someone shot him burned it was SO much cooler then the burning heat of the sun.

Because of course the sun chose the one day he was forced out and about to set burning temp record.

How was this is life.

After hours of trying to sell this nasty chocolate covered sawdust he just couldn’t anymore. He found himself laying on his back staring up at the sky just trying to breath after carrying the huge box for the last few houses hoping that someone would take pity on him as an overworked kid.

It didn’t work.

People are jerks.

He finally screamed as loud as he could before jackknifing into a sitting position as he yelled “I don't understand! Today has been a horrible failure!” He glanced over to see Gir stuffing himself on the candy and couldn’t help the snaped “GIR! Don't eat that filth!” if you paid him. He picked up one of the candy bars turning it over in his hands as he took breaths to calm himself again.

When he felt a bit calmer, he sighed and looked at the bar. He looked at it from all sides and wondered what he had to do to sell the dang things. He looked at the warning on the back that basically said it was sawdust and was drawing a blank. “How. How does anyone eat this and why do they buy it?” he asked out loud before pinching the space between his eyes. “Wrong question. That’s for another day why I don’t have to sell this nastiness to the humans.”

While he sat there staring at the candy he couldn’t help wondering how he was going to do this. “Ak!” he yelled as he fell back on to the burning cement. “I don’t have a clue! What the hell can I do to sell these things!?” He stared up at the hot sun ignoring the way he knew his Pak was heating up and the way his eyes started to hurt. He needed a plan and now.

After what felt like hours, he thought he heard his name being called in the distance. He glanced to the left thinking it came from that direction only to stare as a lamp post melted before his eyes. He slowly sat up staring at the forming pool of goop trying to recall how hot he could become before brain damage was done because he was starting to get worried.

Then he heard his name in the distance again.

Only it was getting closer.

Zim snaped his eyes to the road to see a figure wearing Grim Reaper robes gliding towards him. He blinked his eyes hard trying to figure out what in the name of The Great Irk was going on now. “What is this?” he whispered as the figure came to a stop before him. The figure through the hood off with a dramatic hand toss showing himself to be Poop Dawg.

Zim didn’t know if he should be disappointed or in shock.

He was feeling a mix to be honest.

He blinked up at the Dawg who started throwing his hands in the air as he spoke in a comically menacing tone “I am Poop Dawg! The gangsta specter of defeat, in effect! And you will never win the mystery prize, fool!” Zim couldn’t help looking up at the sun wondering if his brain was to fried to do Pak maintenance when he got home because something was clearly wrong here.

All the while the Dawg laughed and laughed.

Zim was going to kill him.

He slowly brought his head down and stared at the laughing Dawg. Without taking his eyes off of the Dawg he picked up the silent Gir by his legs. While listening to that annoying laugh Zim spun in a circle to gain momentum and then let go just as they made a second ark. “Take that you annoying Dawg!” he yelled as Gir sailed through the air.

Gir flew through the air, through the Dawg, and right into Dib’s stomach. Zim blinked as he heard Dib cry out in pain and suddenly was clearer. The Dawg was gone, Dib was on the ground, and the sky was still bright. Well that works.

Zim leaned down and picked up his candy box all the while ignoring Dib as he complained about something or other. Gir ran up to him and cuddled his leg while he watched Dib run off with an empty box of Poop candy. As he watched Dib run off he thought of how Dib had used the advantage of his father to sell candy. Other humans had probably used the advantages of their parental units to earn money.

So why doesn’t Zim use the ways his people had taught him?

A sinister smile curled his lips before he barked out “Lets go Gir!” He stomped to the house hearing the small squeaking that came from Gir’s steps in his costume.

He had a plan to think up.

Within two hours he had a workable plan. He placed his tools down and sighed as he picked up one of the many insect like helmet. “All this work to sell cheep candy” he sighed as he packed the helmets away. “If it wasn’t for my instinctive curiosity I would have given up by now.” He rubbed the back of his head with another sigh as he walked out of the base with the helmets.

And so it all began.

He walked into houses, businesses, and even classes. With the helmets firmly attached to the heads of the humans they would be forced to see what he wanted.

And they saw hell.

Buildings on fire, aliens taking people away, Skool on fire, children crying in the streets. All could be prevented if someone bought his candy bars. He figured it all out thanks to the commercials on sad animals in the animal society that he had to often comfort Gir through. Thanks to the helmets the humans practically threw their money at him. They took and took causing him to have to order more and more of the candy bars.

He was so winning this.

He sold bar after bar, truck after truck, and Zim was pretty sure he sold out the factory at one point.

Then the day of the counting came. Using the trucks he had commandeered off the Poop company he brought all the money to the skool with a devilish grin. He walked into class with a skip in his step knowing that no matter how this turned out he had one for sure. He watched as Ms. Bitters held up a jar holding only a few dollars and some change before saying “Children, your performance was miserable. Your parents will all receive phone calls instructing them to love you less now.” Zim felt a deadpan look come over his face as he wondered if the parents would do it.

Now knowing how gullible humans were he wouldn’t be surprised.

She placed the jar down before holding up a box of bandages in the air. “But, in a shocking display of skool spirit, Dib has come in first by selling 100 candy bars.” She tossed the box into Dib’s hands before saying “Now enjoy your prize.” She then held up a sealed envelop as she said “But the most shocking thing is Zim.” With a crooked finger she had the students look outside where they saw truck after truck open their doors where money came pouring out of the back.

Zim looked at Dib and could feel the bone deep satisfaction at the dropped jaw he was seeing.

“After a little work I sold over 1.2 million bars” he said looking straight at Dib. He earned this little rub at his Big Problem. After basking in Dib’s look he turned to Ms. Bitters with an expecting look. “My Prize?” he asked wondering what the Poop company would make as a secret prize.

Only to be handed a can of tuna.

A can of tuna.

Zim was going to rip someone’s head off.

He listened vaguely to Ms. Bitters when she spoke of how there was no prize but all he could feel was his anger building more and more. He could understand the lie. Maybe. But if they were giving out hover crafts and such then why was a can of tuna his prize?

In a moment of anger he threw the can at the ground only to watch as a green wave came flying out of the can and push all the humans to the ground. He blinked at all the fallen kids and then blinked at the can.

Maybe this wasn’t such a bad prize after all.

Chapter Text

Zim was down in the lower lab welding away two wires that had snapped on him earlier. He lifted the goggles off his eyes and looked close at the wire. He hummed for a bit before sighing in satisfaction as he dropped the wire on the table in front of him. “That’s done at last. Why on earth did you not warn me about the wire, Computer?” he asked the monitor in front of him.

“Sir, that is the wire that allows me to warn you of things like that” the Computer stated in a monotone voice that somehow conveyed that it wanted to change the Sir to a more insulting word.

Zim just blinked knowing he had no comeback to that.

Before he could think of saying anything in response the Computer spoke up “Sir, a call is coming on the landline. Sir Unit Gir has answered. Should I play the call for you?” Zim nodded as he said “Yes. I just don’t trust him to not tell everyone and anyone what we are.” He sighed at the end because he had found Gir telling his ‘favorited’ pizza guy that he was from the stars last time they ordered from that piggy place. He was lucky the guy still thought Gir was so weird dog or that could have been really bad.

Zim blinked as he heard the aggravated “Hey man, it's been 4 weeks since you rented Intestines of War!” from the other side of the phone. He sat there listening as Gir dismissed the man so he could keep laughing at his movie about the human inners. Zim just blinked.

“So Gir got the movie from somewhere with the agreement to return it?” asked Zim as he looked at the monitor that allowed him to see into the living room. The Computer answered with a “Yes, Sir.” Zim pinched the space between his eyes as he wondered what he would do.

“From the sounds of it the human may get mad enough to come here. I also know that if a human has enough money on a loan then it goes into collections, I think its called. They will investigate us! And if they do they may see our background is faked!” Zim yelled at the end rubbing his hands over his head in frustration. The Computer never got a chance to answer him before he was in the elevator and going up.

It just sighed in the empty room.

Zim zoomed all the way to the top floor trying to think of how to get the movie Gir has watched over 100 times from his little hands. It would need a good plan. One that would stop the future tears that was sure to come. One that he could be proud to tell the Tallest about later!

The doors opened letting him into the kitchen where he watched Gir laugh his little circuits out. Zim walked in and noticed Gir hitting the play button on the remote for the DVD player. “Again?” he asked allowing Gir to babble about something while he watched the opening warnings about the movie.

Zim blinked when he saw the warning from the FBI at the start and smirked as a plan formed. “A warning!?! Oh no!” he gasped dramatically causing Gir to look up at him. “FBI!?! Who is this FBI!?! What are they trying to warn us about!? Gir! Did you know about this?” He looked at Gir looking so shocked causing the bot to nibble at his fingers.

“No?” he asked Zim blinking up at him with eyes hoping that was the right answer. “You know what we have to do right? After all, we don’t want to risk our home here. If they find out who we are then there will be no more parties” Zim said causing a small flinch from Gir.

“No more pizza guy.”

Bigger flinch.

“No more Tacos”

Even bigger flinch.

“No more Piggys” he finished with a sad sigh as if that would be a real tragedy.

For Gir is was.

Gir screamed in a high pitched and panicked tone. He hopped off the sofa still screaming running to the Tv to grab the movie out of the DVD player. He flung the disk at Zim who was holding the case for the disk. He caught it with two claws and placed it in the box.

He walked to the front door letting the Computer place his disguise on him with practiced ease and waved at the still screaming Gir. He walked out the door hearing Gir hit the ground after he tired himself out like he was known to do and smiled. “Could have been worse. Could have been worse” he said to himself as he walked to the mall with the movie in his claws.

Due to the walk and a few accidents that he had come across on the way, it was night before he got to the mall. He sighed rubbing at his wig wondering how he was going to get the movie into the return box. He knew he could always come tomorrow but the Computer had told him about the message the manager of the rental place had left at the house.

Basically have the movie in tonight or pay the price.

Zim looked up at the mall from across the parking lot knowing that there were probably security cameras and the like around. He called out a helmet that would enhance his eyesight that much more and looked for an opening. He looked for windows, doors, maybe even a fire escape, something that would allow him in and out easy.

Nothing.

He let the helmet fall back into his Pak with a muttered curse. He tapped the side of his head before rubbing his forehead with a grown. “Oh whatever!” he huffed before running across the parking lot. When he got to the front door he pressed himself as close as possible while he looked at the camera facing away from the door. With a quick claw movement, he stabbed the lock allowing himself in and ducked behind a pillar on his right side.

He looked around for anymore cameras but he couldn’t see anymore from his vintage point. “If I could find a single camera I could hack in and get the floor plans” he hissed to himself “but the cameras cover themselves so it’s a no go.” He glared in front of himself as he tried to think up a new plan.

“Ok. From what I remember from the last time I was here there should be maps around the entrances somewhere” he stated as he lifted a hand to lift a finger in the air while he checked off points. “First: Find the map. Second: Find that video shack. Third: Get rid of the bloody DVD. Then I will be home free.” He nodded once to himself before looking out from behind his pillar.

He couldn’t see the map from his spot so he quickly ran behind another pillar.

Still no map.

“This night is going to be a pain isn’t it” he hissed to himself before he took off running. After jumping behind at least 6 different pillars he finally found a map. He wanted to scream when he saw no close pillars and had no way to pull out his helmet that helped his vision.

No matter what he couldn’t leave even a trace of possible alien involvement.

If only to stop annoying questions.

He sighed before running to the map. He scanned it quickly finding the Video Outlet on the fourth floor. He nodded to himself and was getting ready to run for the turned off escalator when the speakers crackled. “The mall is closed! You are in direct violation of code 4 slash 7 2! Prepare to face my wrath!” yelled a voice from the speakers causing Zim to swear violently under his breath for a moment. He looked up at the nearest camera seeing it stare at him before yelling out “Yeah well I don’t care! I just got to return the DVD and I’m out!”

The man on the other side of the mic laughed before saying “I am Sergeant Slab Rankle, serial number F305769 and you are in violation. Now prepare to face my wrath.” Zim took off for the escalator as the man started cackling in some demented way. Zim raced up the steps as fast as he could because while he was sure the man didn’t have the means to hurt him he knew about determined people.

If you are determined then there is a nothing you couldn’t do.

He ran down the hallway looking at all the stores around him trying to find the Video Outlet but so far he had no luck. Only to see it at the end of the hallway. “Yes!” he hissed to himself as put on more speed.

Only to leap to the right as the Pak warned him of danger.

A large bang came from the area he had just came from. He looked and saw the bank sign on the floor in a spot that would have meant his doom if he hadn’t jumped. He looked at the spot that it had hung before only to see lasers take aim at him. “What?” he whispered to himself as he staired for a moment.

How much money were these humans wasting?

Bombs on kids to stop them from leaving the skool.

Laser protection for shops.

What in the Name Of The Great Irk was this planet?

A warning from his Pak pushed him to jump and avoid a lasers blast. He looked up and saw almost every store was now armed with lasers. They came from sighs, pillars, and entrances. Zim crouched getting ready to jump again when he heard the sound of lasers power up. He jumped up in the air watching as more and more lasers came out of hiding. He took off running making sure to duck and weave as even more lasers came at him.

They were shooting him from all directions to the point he couldn’t even see where they were all coming from anymore! What HELL kind of place was this!? He was able to duck under a Mug cart only to hear a strange beep. “Oh what now!?” he groaned as he glanced behind him at a fish tank in the window of a nearby store to see the fish staring right at him.

“Great! Just what I needed right now” he growled as the fish came out of its store. He saw a large slug that acted like bench started moving towards him along with a pig from the western restaurant. He growled deep and dark before taking off in a run for the video store. He kicked the pig in the face giving him a boost into the air to allow him to flip over the animals. He fit the floor running making sure to stay close to the floor in case more lasers were shot at him.

He didn’t expect a grappling hook to the arm.

“WHAT!” he yelled as the momentarily pause allowed more grappling hooks grasped his other arm and legs. He tried to kick out, but they held on to him tight causing him to hiss in anger. He knew he could use his Pak legs to get out, but he had to save that as a trump card in the worst case. He was pulled into the air by the hooks as he internally promised to stab these things later.

He was so busy with his future plans of demolition he didn’t notice the human walk up to him. He glanced down as he heard a human snicker as he tapped Gir’s movie with a finger. “Well here we are violator” the human said with great relish. Zim just glared at the man knowing that this was the Slab that he had spoke through the speakers with.

“Tell me something, do you understand the concept of business hours? Do you?” the man spoke with passion in his voice, waving the movie in the air as if to show his point better. “We have rules for a reason, boy! Without them, there is only chaos, and chaos is, oooh,” the man shivered and Zim wondered if he was being dramatic or if he really believed this? “I don't even want to think of it” the man finished with a sigh.

Zim just blinked as he wondered if he had met his first true crazy human.

That was something to tell the Tallest about later.

“Sir” Zim started trying to sound like the poor lost kid he knew humans would fall over to help from prior experience “I just need to return that movie. That’s it.” The man laughed in Zim’s face causing him to try an cringe away from the man’s nasty breath. “I'm afraid not, this is evidence now. As for you little violator” the man said as he pulled out a remote. “You are going away for a long long time.”

With that he pressed a button causing tile to open below Zim. Zim had enough time to glare at the smug man before he was dropped down the into the hole. He slid down the chute for a second before he shot his claws into the walls allowing himself to slow down. When he got to the bottom of the chute he was able to land gently on his feet allowing him to take in everything much calmer.

It was a prison cell.

There was a real prison inside a mall.

‘Do other malls in the world have this? Another thing to add to the list of things I need to look into along with the Skool’s education’ Zim thought to himself before looking at a man that was walking up to him. “Rankle got you too, uh? Welcome to our little club... of doom!” the man started with an easy smile before ending in a scream. Zim just looked at him unimpressed causing the man to cough in his fist before pointing at other inmates as he said “We've all got our reasons for being here; shoplifting, loitering, singing.” He glared at a man in glasses in the corner before turning back to Zim.

“As for me I fell asleep on the job” the man shrugged before sighing. “Normally this would get me fired but I was stuck with that guy as a LIVES by the rulebook. When you break the rules, Rankle sends you here. Every couple a days, he takes someone away. They never come back... Some say he just lets 'em go. Me? I say he takes them and turn 'em into horrible zombie soldiers in that new zombie lab they just put in out back.” Zim blinked at him before looking at the others in the cell wondering if that was a valid thought.

No one said anything.

Wonderful.

“Has anyone ever gotten out?” asked Zim as he looked around the room for a possible exit. The only one he could see was the hole in the ceiling. The man sighed as he said “The only guy who ever escaped, never made it out.” Zim tapped his chin before turning to the room with a purpose. “So this is how you are going to let it end? Really?” he asked the room. They looked up at him with hopeful eyes.

“You are just going to let this crazy man keep you here? Like dogs sitting in a cage? Do you not have pride? Do you not have anything worth fighting for? Really?” Zim shook his head slowly before crouching. “Good luck sitting here for life.” Zim jumped up allowing his claws to dig into the wall of the chute smiling a bit as he heard the others rally behind him.

He hated seeing others give up without trying.

But he wasn’t going to interfere.

It was their job to get out.

But if he happened to make the holes in the chute a littler wider then he needed then oh well.

Soon he was at the opening the cover of the entrance a bit so he could take a look for the cameras. He popped out of the tile as quietly as he could and carefully shuts it behind him. He looked over at a staircase that led to the security room, but laser beams protected every step up. Zim glanced behind him and saw the pig with grappling hooks standing there causing a grin to cross his lips. He then ran to the stairway and leaped onto a sign that says 'security' that hung right in front of the door.

He then started clicking with his tongue to get the pig to look up at him. When the pig looked his way he smiled and wiggled his fingers in a small wave causing the pig to launch a grappling hook right at him. Zim jumped out of the way at the last moment making the grappling hook go right through the sign and all the way to the top of the staircase. Zim looked into the hole where he tracked it all the way to the door of the security room, giving him a nice little runway to the door.

When he got to the top he noticed the Security Guard was naming stores and promising to protected whatever was inside. Zim just shook his head before smirking when he noticed a generator inside the room. He snuck first to Slab’s side to swipe the DVD while he had his back turned. Zim then moved to the generator where he quietly ripped of pieces causing a shut down of the system.

He was out the door before Slab could even realize what was happening.

He couldn’t help the slightly evil smirk as he ran down the hall. It got even bigger when he saw the Video store right at the end of the hall.

Only to pause when he heard a trashcan fall over.

Zim blinked before turning behind himself to see a zombie coming up behind him. “What?” he whispered to himself watching as more and more crawled out of the woodwork. They slowly moved towards him while he was still stuck staring. As far as he knew only Irkens had the kind of technology to make anything close to real Zombies. With the Pak acting as a controller they could still act after death.

The idea that anyone else had anything similar?

Was frightening.

Before he could spiral to deep he noticed that they had no coordination. The bumped into each other, fell, and even moved in completely opposite directions then they needed to go. Zim couldn’t help the disbelieving breath that he released in response as they almost attacked themselves but were to weak to do real damage. “You know what? I’ll take it” he said to himself before he ran for the Video place again.

A Security Guard now Zombie got in his way but tripped backwards to the ground before Zim could even do anything. No instead Zim jumped on his chest and used him as a springboard. With the momentum he was able to throw himself all the way to the entrance of the Video store. He landed on his feet and hopped up to shove the DVD into the return box causing him to cheer.

Before he could even attempt to work his way out of all the bodies, he saw Slab come his way. Zim cocked an eyebrow and waited to see that the man wanted now. “It appears I have met my match. You have bested my zombie soldiers and are a worthy opponent. You have my congratulations” the man stated before saluting. Zim nodded once. “Thank you. Now I have to wish you the best of luck officer” Zim stated with his arms crossed and a small smirk starting to form on his face.

The man lowered his hand and blinked confusedly at Zim before asking “What do you mean, violator?” Zim just smiled as he said “How are you going to explain the mess in the morning to your bosses?”

Zim ducked out with a grin as the man possessed that.

The last thing he heard was an enraged scream causing him to laugh as he walked out the door.

Chapter Text

Zim sat in his lab fuming with a bandage wrapped around his head. He taped at the keyboard in front of him with one finger as he silently cursed Dib in his head. After a while he let out a yell and threw himself back in his chair trying to stop himself from ripping his bandages off. “Oh Dibby boy” he hissed as the side of his head throbbed in pain thanks to the burn he had given him today at lunch “you are going to hurt. BAD.”

He rubbed a hand in front of his mouth as he recalled what happened at lunch today. Thanks to food channels Zim had learned about something called food imposters. Basically you could make one food look like another. So you could make mash potatoes out of something like cauliflower or hotdogs out of cake. Things like that.

He had been fascinated.

With trail and error he had found small things like bread he could eat. Then he melted down the Irken food pack he had and molded it to whatever he wanted. Sandwiches were his favorite because no one really questioned why someone always ate sandwiches in a skool cafeteria. So far at least. He had been sitting at a table reading a book while he happily ate what looked like an egg salad sandwich when he heard Dib snicker behind him.

You ever just know you are about to hate what comes next.

Zim could feel that all the way to his boots.

He turned, vowing to show no dread to the enemy, and eyed the grinning young man. “What can I help you with today Dib?” he asked noticing the tray in Dib’s hands. So he had a weapon. At least the worst he can do is hit Zim with it.

Awesome as the humans say.

Dib had a cheerful smile on his face as he asked “Why do you have a bag lunch everyday? Hate the food here?” Zim deadpanned at him before saying “The Mac and Chess crawled away the other day.” Both Zim and Dib shivered as they remembered the cafeteria lady jumping on a table to stab the thing. It’s screams would be haunting for a while.

Zim shook his head before saying “Anyway. I trust the food I have at home much better then here. At least I know it’s cooked through.” Dib hummed a bit before looking into Zim’s eyes with a bit of a mischievous look. Dib lifted a hand from the tray and held up a slab of meat that Zim knew was called something like bologna for some reason.

The only warning he had was the widening of the grin before pain.

Searing pain was in the side of his head.

Zim wasn’t fully aware as he started yelling and sinking to the ground. He knew he hurt and that was it. After that he had small flashes of images. Someone bringing him to the nurse’s office. Robot-Mother picking him up in her arms. Flashes of the hallway as he was carted away.

What was clear was Dib’s face.

The way that smile spread from happy to malicious.

The way his eyes were blocked out from the glare on his glasses.

Zim was going to get him.

Zim sat up with a devilish smirk on his face. “So that’s how you want to play then human? Ok.” He started taping at a breakneck pace as he continued. “Then lets play” he hissed as page after page was filled out in code on the computer.

The next day was going to be interesting.

Zim sat at his desk covering his mouth with his folded hands looking bored with the world. Like any kid in class really. Inside he was shivering with anticipation for when Dib entered the room. Soon Dib was walking in, late for the 3ed time this week saying something about a vampiric gerbil of all things. Zim really didn’t car at this point to be honest.

Dib walked over to his desk with an innocent smile asking “Are you still mad about that thing with the sandwich?” Zim allowed his eyelids to fall a bit to look like he was about to fall asleep as he listened to his classmates laugh. Zim sat up placing his hands, still in the folded position, lightly on the desk. Zim then smiled in a sleepy way as if he was a bit under the weather and said “No I’m not mad. It’s not your fault my allergy acted up. Thanks for asking though.”

He tilted his head a bit and smiled in a cute way that he had learned off Gir. Everyone was silent for a moment before Zim felt all the eyes in the room lift from him to Dib. He knew that these kids had a strange system. They could bully each other but if something that they couldn’t control was attacked then it was different. Like old man kid looking like he did or pig kid being a pig.

Now Dib was being judged for being a jerk.

Dib shifted a bit under all the stares before slinking away to his desk. To keep up the innocent look Zim kept looking in front of him with his sleepy look even when he heard Dib yelp from the tack Zim left in his chair. Dib started yelling something, but it was cut off by Ms. Bitters stating to give her latest lecture.

After skool Zim walked away still with his sleepy look even making it look like he was asleep during lunch to really sell it. Now no one thought he was doing anything wrong and just felt bad for him. Which meant that Dib was getting glares and shoves for causing his state.

It took everything in him not to laugh himself sick.

As soon as he got into his house he started giggling away to himself. He picked up Gir and spun once getting a loud laugh in return. He plopped Gir on the sofa and patted his head saying “I got work to do downstairs. I’ll see you when we decide what to have for dinner.” He walked away hearing Gir’s cheering and debate on the ‘bestest best’ food to have for dinner that night.

Zim just refused to remind him that there was a lot on that list he couldn’t eat.

He popped down to the lab and grinned when the computer that automatically booted up and showed what was happening to Dib’s skin as they spoke. “Have fun Dib” Zim almost cooed. “Because as of today you really be a walking stick of meat.” He started cackling to himself as he leaned back.

The net day he sat in his classroom still looking a bit sleeping getting people to come talk to him. They asked if he should be resting, if his burn was feeling better now that the bandages had come off, that kind of thing. Zim just smiled at them and made it seem like he was silently suffering but powering on.

No one would think for a second that he was up to no good.

After a few minutes of this he told those around him he was going to nap for a bit before class started. They happily agreed and became his guard dogs while be covered his face with his arms on his desk. He kept his eyes closed as the Pak opened in his mind allowing him to see all the cameras he had placed between the skool and what he knew to be Dib’s walk to skool.

And he opened it at the perfect time.

He bit his lip to stop himself from laughing as dogs started sniffing around Dib and one even bit him. It got even worse when Dib decided to bite himself to see what was up. Zim knew that he was going to be hurting from how hard he was trying not to laugh today.

Bring it on.

Class started so he missed most of Dib’s journey to the skool but the Pak recorded everything so he could watch it later. He focused on the class and did his notes waiting for Dib to enter the room. When he did Zim knew that he was watching the footage as soon as he could because Dib scratched up to hell and even his ears are bitten in places.

Dib was huffing and puffing as he slouched into the room letting in this meaty smell. Zim blinked wondering why he smelled like that only to realize the sun had done it. After all, Dib wasn’t being refrigerated so he was turning bad and eventually he would rot. Hmm. Something he hadn’t considered.

Interesting.

He listened as other kids started complaining about the smell. He watched as some covered their noses or looked like they were about to be sick. Suddenly he felt this burning look on him causing him to look over at the door where Dib stood. The two of them stared at each other waiting for something to happen.

It felt like forever locked in a few seconds.

Ms. Bitters broke the stare off saying “Silence! If I have to put up with the awesome force of your collective child stench every day, then so shall you all!” Dib walked back to his desk glancing back at Zim who was looking back up at the teacher. Zim could see out of the corner that Dib was staring at his hand again and even licked it clearly trying to understand what was happening.

Zim acted like he was paying attention, but he was mostly focused on Dib who was still silently investigating his hand. He was forced to look at Ms. Bitters when she started gliding up and down the walkways seemingly sniffing for something. She stopped net to Dib’s desk and said “You stink! Go to the bathroom and roll around in the toilet until you smell better!”

Even Zim winched at that because the last one to use the bathroom was Willy and. . . . yeah.

While Dib walked to the door he locked eyes with Zim again. Zim kept his eyes locked on him before doing a little shrug. Dib blinked before he glared. Zim just kept his eyes on him as he left the room. He then focused on the class knowing that he would have to deal with all that soon.

After not even 20 minutes Dib stormed into the room and jumped at Zim. Knowing that he had to keep up the look of a sick person Zim let Dib drag him out of his chair and on to the floor. He did his best to look confused for the rest of the humans but he knew Dib wouldn’t be fooled. He already gave himself away for the human.

“Zim!” yelled Dib. “I know what you've done, Zim, and it's not funny!” Zim blinked like a confused Gir before saying “But Dib. I don’t have a clue what you are talking about?” Dib just growled before yelling “The cure! Make it stop, Zim! Make this thing you've done to me stop!”

Zim just looked at him before saying “But Dib, I don’t know what you mean? What cure?” Dib stared at him clearly trying to figure out if he was lying or not before jumping off him. Zim slowly picked himself up off the ground still looking confused up at Dib who was staring at him with a blank look.

Soon Dib was out the door.

Zim sat at his desk blinking a bit as Ms. Bitters continued her class. He kept up the act all though the skool day and walked home like he normally did knowing he was about to get a visitor.

And he did.

Standing in front of him was a Dib with a completely round head and two dogs licking at him. Zim blinked before smiling a bit. “Good afternoon, Dib” he said pleasantly even as he kept moving forward. Dib just looked at him before placing this truly awful smile on his face.

‘Note: Tell Dib he needs better acting lessons’ noted Zim in his mind before tuning back into whatever Dib was saying to him. “-little trick, Zim. I must admit, it's a pretty good joke. I... I think it deserves some praise.” Dib offered a hand and Zim couldn’t help the small curl of his lip. ‘So that’s your plan, huh. Well game on boy.’

With that he shook hands with Dib not even reacting when he felt the poke of the tack that was in Dib’s hand. He looked at his hand considering what he needed to replace the material with after all this because that tack shouldn’t have hit him.

All the while Dib was celebrating.

After Zim made the appropriate plans for his gloves later he looked over at the young man and hummed a bit stopping his little party. “What?” snapped Dib as he eyed he rival. Zim just smiled before saying “You feel pretty proud of yourself don’t ya.” Dib blinked before he narrowed his eyes at the alien in front of him. “Yes? Why do you ask?” asked Dib slowly.

Zim rolled the infected hand into a fist and brought it to his chest. He hummed a bit before saying “You do realize that you messed up hard right now right?” Dib blinked again before spitting out “What?” in a raspy voice. Zim smirked as he said “Look. Everyone who is anyone knows that to make a poison you need the cure as a just in case.” Dib grinned before saying “Then lets go get it!”

“Hold it boy” Zim said folding his arms. “You are the son of one of the best, if not THE best scientist in the world and are you telling me he keeps his poisons sitting around?” Dib blinked before saying slowly “If he is working with chemicals then he keeps them locked away for protection.”

“How?” asked Zim who was a bit curious as the way humans did things like lock away bad things. “Behind a bio lock that only he can get into” stated Dib who felt a bit prideful of how smart his father was. Zim hummed before he said “Nice to know that there is a human or two who are smart.” He rubbed his hands together before using the pointer finger of each hand to point at Dib and say “So if a human was smart enough to lock chemicals of any type away why wouldn’t I, a clearly intelligent being, do the same?”

Dib blinked again before grinning. “Then we can just go get it!” he said clearly happy at seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. “Yeah. We can but there is one problem human” stated Zim as he wondered how someone so smart got so dumb sometimes. “You have changed my DNA. How am I going to get the cure now?”

They stood there in silence for a bit before Dib screamed. Zim blinked at him before the Pak alerted him to a warning. He blinked once and twice before sighing. “And it just got much worse” Zim sighed as he rubbed his forehead. Dib stopped his yelling to look at his rival as he angrily asked “How?”

Zim didn’t answer for a moment and walked forward. He walked right passed Dib and kept going for a moment. When he got a few feet away Zim stopped and looked at Dib. He tilted his head as he ordered “Follow. Now.”

He started walking without saying anything else and couldn’t help the small tilt of his lips when he heard the hurried footsteps coming from behind him. He started speaking while he continued.

“I have told you I am an Explorer but I don’t think you understand what that means.”

Dib interrupted with a “It just means you are looking around right?”

Zim gave him a look out of the corner of his eye before moving on. “I find out facts of the planets before moving on. You see I am basically in retirement. Before I worked with to Invaders. My job was to go in and help find out the secrets of the people. From there they would move in and take over the planet.” He felt more then heard Dib stop from walking beside him when he said that.

He turned and looked over at the human how was staring at him blankly.

Zim just kept it up. “My Invaders are strong, fast, and protective. They are my comrades, friends, and brothers. They have my whole home and even myself chipped to come to my aid if needed. They have burned planets that may have ever offended me and laid them at my feet.”

Dib took that all in as he gulped silently.

“Now here is a fun fact for you: They are now the leader of my species. So they command thousands of deadly beings ready to jump to their orders without a single second as to ask why.” He smiled a bit as he thought of his silly Invaders.

He then looked up meeting Dib’s eyes as he ended “And you are going to bring those protective, dangerous being to this little rock.” Zim turned around and started walking again. Within a few minutes he heard those stomps that told him Dib was running as fast as he could. “ZIM! WAIT!” yelled out Dib as he tried to catch up.

Zim just kept walking.

“What do you mean!? About them coming here!?” Yelled Dib as he caught up to Zim. Zim sighed before saying “Wow you are slow today. Maybe the bologna got into your brain meats already. I told you they have a tracker on me. So the tracker will soon call me someone else and guess what! They will take that as me being dead. So we are boned. Unless I can get that cure.” Zim could smell the way Dib’s meat scent got stronger as he started sweating.

They were silent as they walked to the house.

They stood in front of the door for a moment before Dib turned to Zim. “Can we go in?” Zim tabbed his chin with a claw even as he said “Negative. The house allows people into the house but the base is different. I need to be here to make sure that Gir has no chance to mess this up.” With that he pulled out his communicator from the Pak and called Gir. “SIR Unit GIR assigned to Explorer” from there Zim made a strange, to humans, clicking and hissing sound before going on to say “also known as Explorer Zim. Code:” From there he made more clicking noises that Dib knew he could never copy.

He tuned out after that and watched as Zim made orders looking calm even as his face started to swell. The alien beside him was much scarier then he imagined. Because even if he was lying the fact was that Dib had no way to prove him wrong. It wasn’t like he could call Zim’s boss to double check.

Dib was in much more danger then he first thought.

Soon the door opened, and a red eyed little bot was holding a glass bottle with light green liquid in it. Before Dib could even make a move, it was in Zim’s hand and he took a swig. He paused after causing Dib to stop and wonder if the alien had drunk the wrong thing.

If Zim died and those aliens came there was no way Dib could fight them off as he was!!

Soon the alien handed over the solution and Dib was shocked to see the swelling start to go down. Without a moments hesitation he grabbed the container and swallowed the rest down. Immediately he understood that Zim had stood there breathing because of the odd burning not burning that was happening to him. It didn’t hurt, not really, but it was definitely a strange sensation that’s for sure.

Suddenly he felt a small blip of pain, as if he got a needle stuck into him on his finger. He looked down and saw a drop of blood welling out of his finger. “Wh-“ started Dib before he saw Zim, with some blood on his finger from when he poked Dib with a claw tip, stick his finger in his mouth.

Dib felt his mouth drop as he took that in. Was, whatever Zim was, meat eaters? But he hated all kinds of meat! And his teeth were terrible for eating meet! He wouldn’t be able to hold on! Sure he could saw through but the cutting wouldn’t work!

Before he could spiral out of control, he watched Zim spit it all out. “You are so lucky you dumb little earth monkey” hissed Zim as he covered his mouth clearly trying to make sure he didn’t get sick. He hated every second of that but he needed to be sure that the DNA was out and that he hadn’t poisoned the only real entertainment he had on this hunk of rock.

“You are in the clear. Your body may feel odd for the net few days, but you’ll be fine” stated Zim as he stomped into the house. “Wait Zim!” called out Dib. Zim stopped just before he shut to door and looked at Dib. “Was” Dib began, “Was any of that really? Like the Invader and Explorer stuff?” he awkwardly finished as he looked at his alien.

Zim looked at him for a moment before he began to speak.

“I was raised right next to them. We lived, worked, played with each other and never knew a difference. When it came time to pick out teams for the betterment of our people we clearly picked the other. From there we were almost always next to the other. Do you think they wouldn’t come if they thought I was dead?”

Dib couldn’t help the small gasp he let out as he took that it.

Before he could ask anything else Zim closed the door making Dib stand there and wondering.

He soon stepped out off Zim’s doorway and walked till he was out of the property. He looked back at it and tried to take in what he learned. Of the way that Zim was much more dangerous then he thought.

Because Zim was the key.

As long as he lived they would be free but he was collecting information on them. He was writing everything down for no reason then he could. And while Dib didn’t think that it would be used in his life time it would be used at one point.

At some point humanity would fall under the hands of the alien threat.

“I have to try” he whispered to himself.

He had to try and save humanity.

Because if he stopped trying to stop Zim what would become of him?

It was a sobering thought.

Even more so when he now knew there was no way to stop this at all.

Chapter Text

Zim wondered how he got here. Not on earth but in this exact moment of hiding behind a fake plant with Dib stalking a clearly crazy human child Dib called sister. He reached up and rubbed at his forehead as he recalled his day.

Since the reveal of how important he was to the human Dib the two had been kept apart. They watched from a distance and made sure the other was in sight at all times. They danced around the other trying to find a new pattern but slowly it was coming up.

Today he had no plans to even see Dib nevermind wandering around with him. It was a weekend so he decided to go wonder around the mall. He was hoping to see if the crazy security guard was still there but so far he had no luck. He had just exited the bookstore when he saw Dib badly hiding behind a fake plant to his left. He followed Dib’s eyes to see a strangely long line to some store that was to far for even Zim to tell what it was.

He walked up behind Dib and tapped at Dib’s shoulder causing a flinch. Dib wheeled around only to see Zim looking at him and sighed in relief. “Oh it’s just you” he said as he turned back to hide behind the plant. “What on earth are you doing” asked Zim as he stood next to Dib. “Well if you must know” grouched Dib as he ran his eyes back up and down the line “My little sister is in that line. I’m supposed to be with her but.” Dib blinked with a small bit of red came to his cheeks. “She distracted me with a fake sighting of a Chupacabra. Clearly she was lying but yeah.”

Zim blinked as he took that all in and then looked at the back of the line.

There he saw Gaz who’s eye was already twitching as she stood next to some boy that was just talking and talking. Zim could see how bad this was going to end already. He turned to Dib and asked “If this was so important then why is she there? She isn’t the kind to suffer fools and by the looks of it. . . .” they both turned to the line to see it move a little and Gaz twitch in a truly terrifying way. “She is suffering” said Zim as he took a small step away.

As a great Irken Explorer he feared no man.

But she scared him and he wasn’t ashamed to admit it.

He heard Dib sigh next to him so he turned to see a twisted grin that was meant to be nonchalant Zim thought. It looked like someone was holding his human stomach and twisted it into a knot.

Interesting idea to see about at a later date but he had to focus on the now if he wanted any explanation about this madness.

“She saw an ad for the gaming system they are selling on the tv. The thing is Mysterious Mysteries was on right after that ad.” Zim blinked at that. He then sighed when the pieces formed into a picture that he was sure meant Dib was going to die. “Let me guess, you stayed to watch the show making Gaz stay at the house. Now she is stuck in the back of the line where there is a very good chance she will miss out on this system” stated Zim as he stared down his Big Problem.

Dib just stared straight ahead with that twisted grin.

Zim knew in that moment that Dib was fully aware he was going to die.

Oh boy.

Zim might need to go shopping for a new Big Problem.

He took a seat on the bench next to the plant and pulled out his book about the Grimm fairytales. He noticed Dib look over at him and he shrugged. “I want to know what these fairytale things Mary in class keeps talking about. Meanwhile I want to see if you are going to become a smear on the ground from Gaz.”

Dib just gulped.

How long had past they weren’t sure. Hours for sure. Dib had craved and bought his own book. He sat next to Zim reading away and arguing with Zim when he felt like it. He helped explain things in Zim’s fairytale book like why an innocent girl like marry would like all the blood and pain he found in the book. This led them into a talk about Disney and if Zim’s little dog would like them. Then Zim started a small lesson on the stars outside the system causing Dib to sit in awe.

It was surprisingly peaceful.

Of course it had to end.

Zim and Dib stood up when they noticed Gaz and the other kid were at the front of the line. They blinked as Gaz seemed to argue with the salesman for a second before the other kid grabbed the game system. “Oh no” whispered Zim because he knew death was coming now.

He stepped away from Dib fully prepared to run when the boy with Gaz tried to run off.

Only for Gaz to appear in front of him.

Zim blinked. The only other human he had seen do that was Ms. Bitters. Was this a trait that only some females could do? He didn’t know but he was 90% sure that if he asked he was going to die. He was brought back out of his thoughts but Dib grabbing his hand and running to the entrance of the mall with him.

“What!? What are you doing!?” yelled Zim as he tried to hold all his bags in one hand. “Gaz is going after him!” yelled Dib as they raced out of the doors. “And this is my problem why!?” asked Zim as they watched Gaz grab a scooter off some teenager. “Well I was hoping you drove or something!? We need to follow Gaz to make sure she doesn’t kill the kid!”

Zim sighed before picking up the suddenly quiet human. He tossed his bags into the sub pocket that thankfully came with the PAK and used his PAK legs to start moving. He ran to a nearby building and climbed up. Using the legs he jumped from building to building following Gaz on her stolen scooter.

“What the hell is this!?” yelled Dib over the wind. “My means of transportation. I might tell you about them later!” answered Zim as they kept moving. Soon they came to a normal house where the boy jumped out of his car and entered without anyone following him. “Oh no. That is almost Gaz’s perfect hunting ground” whispered Dib as they watched from across the road.

And he was right.

Zim blinked as he watch Gaz sneak around the house cause a blackout and scaring the hell out of this kid. Somehow she scared the kid to let her INSIDE and Zim was amazed. This was something to tell the Tallest about for sure!

They watched the kid run out of the house holding the Game in his hands. Dib and Zim looked at each other before they took off running after him. They saw he made it all the way to the Battery Tower building without one of them seeing Gaz. “You think she lost him?” asked Zim as he sat down on the roof of the closest building to the Tower. “No way. She wants that game so she is going to get it. Even if it means going through him to get it” stated Dib as he glared at the Tower. “But how are we going to see it!?” shouted Dib in pure frustration. Zim pulled out a small laptop from his PAK and started tapping away. “That is an easy question. You do realize that I came from an advanced society? That buildings security’s might as well be tissue paper.” Soon after he finished speaking a green lock clicked open on the screen. “And we are in!”

Dib blinked at Zim before turning to the screen. “Nice” he ended up saying because he had nothing else to say to that. “But how are we going to find her? There must be hundreds of cameras” asked Dib as he sat next to Zim on the roof. “We just need to find something that doesn’t fit. Like an elevator moving to fast up to the roof maybe?” asked Zim as he turned on the camera that showed the roof.

They watched as Gaz crawled across the roof to the open elevator like every horror movie in existence. “Oh she is so not going to let that happen” said Dib as they watched the door slowly close before she could get to it. They watched as she ran for it and just stood in front of it for a moment.

Only for the doors to open again.

“Did she press the button again or something?” asked Zim as they watched her walk into the elevator. “No” stated Dib “Just Gaz being the demonic entity I was always sure she is.” Soon they watched the elevator start falling at high speeds to the ground. “Shouldn’t you be concerned or worried? Like that’s your sister?” asked a confused Zim.

“I would be if I wasn’t sure she had a plan” said Dib as he made himself more comfortable on the roof. They watched as the kid tossed the game at Gaz who hit the emergency stop button. With that the elevator stopped and she walked out. “And there you go” stated a proud Dib “She got her game and no death. That’s my little sister.”

Only for the elevator to rapidly descend again.

As it hit the ground Zim looked at the shocked Dib and said “No death huh.”

With that he packed up his laptop and stood up. Dib looked at the Tower still shocked at what happened to the other kid. “Well this was fun” said Zim as he walked to the edge of the roof. Dib looked over at the sound of his voice and was shocked at how close he was to the edge. “Zim?” asked Dib. “I got to get home now. Who knows what Gir has done to the house during this whole mess. Good luck Dib-Human. You know with getting down and all.” With that he jumped off letting at PAK legs dig into in the brick wall so he could safely climb down.

Soon he was walking down the sidewalk with a little skip in his step. He wondered how long it would take for Dib to get out of his shocked state only to hear

“ZZZZIIIIIIMMMMM!!!!!!”

In the distance.

Only a few seconds.

Nice.

Chapter Text

Zim watched the ceremony on a small tablet that sat next to his work space. He was monitoring the probs he had sent out to a planet called mars in this solar system. He smiled as he heard the cheering about the new Parking Planet knowing that it would be done in a few earth months. This was the first planet taken over as part of Red and Purple’s grand plan called Operation Doom.

It was something to be proud of.

He was distracted for a second as the computer called his attention with a silent red blinking light. He looked up and noticed that the probs were ready to be returned to the base. With a few taps he recalled the probs and turned back to the tablet. He watched as His Tallest cheered along with their people and sighed happily.

His people were growing and becoming more everyday.

He watched the ceremony till the end allowing the computer to handle the probs and the data transfer. He clapped with the other Irkens chuckling as he realized that he never heard the name of the Invader that took over the planet. He was pretty sure that was intentional. His Invaders had always loved to seem like the most important in the room. “And sadly they are now” he said with a small laugh.

He loved them to bits, but he could tell they were glory hogs.

He got up out of his chair and cracked his back a bit. “All right. Time for some work now.” He allowed the Computer to open the chut under him letting him fall right into the chair of his Voot. He tapped a button calling the probs to him where they collapsed into one another till they formed a screen in front of him. He sighed as he called up the data from the probs and hummed.

“The probs from Mars look interesting. Some of this landscape looks unnatural... as though nature was not involved in its formation. But the sensors show no life forms. There must have been life on the planet at one point if something formed those structures.” He tapped at his chin and thought for a second.

“Well” he shrugged “Got nothing better to do.” He called for the communicator in his Pak and called Gir. It wasn’t like he anything better to do to be honest.

Zim hummed as they landed. He let the Voot place him in his suit and hopped out with Gir firmly attached to his head. He looked and hummed as he took in everything around him. “There seems to be no plant life or anything of the like. No water source is near me. This heat could kill regular being easily and yet something was clearly here.” He hummed to himself as he took in the pyramids and land formations around him.

He didn’t even make a sound when he felt Gir detached from his head to flout in around.

He clapped his hands together bring himself out of his thoughts. “Well sitting here thinking up possible ideas of what happened I could just go look around.” He sighed to himself. Sometimes he wondered how he was known as a Intelligent Explorer with how often he got lost in his own head.

He looked over to see Gir messing with one of the human rover things and just left him to it. When he got to the top he sighed. As far as the eye could see nothing was here. Nothing that could have been old seabed or the like anywhere. He rubbed his forehead before deciding that he was allowed to be a bit childish.

After all, what the worst thing that could happen?

He stomped just once in his frustration from fining nothing and the long ride here with a singing Gir and sighed happily after.

Sometimes the little things made it worth living.

Only the floor started to shift. “What in the name of The Great Irk!?” yelled Zim as a shining light blocked his vision from the cracks starting to form. He jumped as high as he could with a little help from his Pak legs and allowed the thrusters on the back of the suit to activate. “Oh” he whispered to himself as he watched tools pop up from the holes and cracks. He watched as cables appeared all over Mars and thrusters were made.

He cut the thrusters to his suit and drifted down to pilot seat of this planet shaped rocket. He lifted a hand out and caught Gir before he landed in the chair. He scanned it lightly to make sure nothing was wrong before humming to himself. “Nothing seems to be a miss so. . . .” He hummed before deciding to throw caution to the wind.

He attached Gir to the harness he made in front of his suit and jumped in the driver’s seat. He jumped a bit as a green hologram of a long head alien appeared in front of him. “Welcome pilot! How ya doin'?” he blinked as the alien in the hologram waved at him. Zim could feel the deadpan slowly take over his face as the alien explained that the ‘Martians’ had basically worked themselves to death.

Because it was cool.

Save him from idiot smart people please?

Suddenly he looked down as Gir hummed and Zim felt the thrusters kick in. “Woah!” He yelled as Gir was thrown right out of the harness from the high winds. He looked up at the sky in time to see the atmosphere disappear and the dark skies of space taking it’s place. “Oh” he whispered as he looked around. “See If I was responsible I would turn this off and put it back in its spot.” He nodded once but sat there for a second staring at the controls.

Zim blinked once and smirked. “But everyone gets a day off and it is a day of celebration. Lets let lose” with that he shot into the sky doing flips and such. He cheered and laughed as he went nuts in the night sky almost hitting the Saturn rings. He played for over an hour before slowing down and resting for a second. “Ah that was fun” he said with a happy little smile.

He leaned back in the chair humming a bit wondering how he was going to swing this to the Tallest. If they knew something like this was out here they would want to come out and that would ruin his Big Project. They would say it was to protect him but he knew it was so they could be the big Smeets he knew they were.

Honestly.

He was drawn out of his thoughts by a small planet flying past him. “What the-?” he turned to see the small planet known as Mercury with a similar set up as his own. That means someone activated the system.

Great.

Before he could think of anyway to communicate with the other vessel he heard a loud “ZIM!”

Are you kidding me!?

He didn’t realize he had yelled it out loud till he heard the loud “I am here to stop you! I won’t let you destroy humanity!” screamed back at him. Zim blinked and could feel that all to familiar eye twitch return. He was going to kill this kid. Like really. Just boom. Dead Dib Membrane.

Zim grabbed the controls and yelled “Alright! Come after me then human scum!” He took off hearing that idiot human scream something behind him but right now he was annoyed. He flew the planet into a asteroid belts and yelled behind him “Good Luck human!” He ducked an weaved thankful for the hour lesson he got before this never caring to see if Dib was alright behind him.

He jumped up and down, left to right, even did a loop at one just to mess with the human’s head. After a bit he safely passed out of the belt and turned to watch the human. He had to admit that while the human was a bit clumsy and clearly not in complete control, he was doing well. “Well, we just might make a pilot out of you yet” hummed Zim as he watched Dib kind of fall out of the belt.

Soon Dib was in front of him huffing and puffing from the strain of trying to control a whole PLANET in flight. “You did well. Almost died a time or two but not the worst flight I’ve ever seen” commented Zim. He could see Dib blink a bit before stuttering out a “w-what?” in response.

Zim rolled his eyes a bit before sighing. “You did well for a first-time flier. Well done.” Zim could picture Dib blinking at him in confusion before he heard the chocked yell of “H-hey! Forget that! I’m here to stop you from destroying the earth!” Zim sighed before slapping his hand to his face in a move he now knew as a face palm.

Such a helpful move really.

He lifted his head out of his hand and said “No. Today is my day off.” He could hear the confused “Day off?” even from how far away he was. “Yes. So I decided to do a little vacation and found this. So I decided that instead of ripping it apart and figuring out how these people made this I would be a bit . . . . childish I suppose” Zim finished a little uneasily. He hated calling it that but in the end it was what it was.

“What?” asked Dib again.

“Look go put the planet back! I got to go home and deal with my Tallest!” yelled out Zim before he took off to put Mars back. He jumped in the Voot and drove to Mercery to see Dib park the planet in the kind of same area. Whatever.

He took one look at Dib’s craft and wondered how he had survived getting up here, never mind getting to the small planet. When he saw Dib about to climb in it he grabbed the back of his coat. “W-what! What do you want Zim!?” yelled Dib as he was yanked into the Voot. When he was sure Dib was safely in the back he flouted the Voot over the other ship and beamed it up with his holding ray.

He started to fly back to earth as he said “I’m not letting you fly this back. You will break down in the middle of the trip.” Dib blinked at him before looking back at the stars zooming past them. They sat in peaceful silence for a bit, well as peaceful as they could get with Gir singing in the back.

“What were you doing out here?” asked Dib as he saw them get closer to earth. “I told you, it is my day off. So I decided to goof off for a bit.” Dib blinked at that as if he had never considered that aliens would have rest days too. “Why today?” asked Dib as they entered the town and flew in the direction of his house. Zim glanced at him from the corner of his eye and hummed. “Today was the celebration of the first planet taken under Irken rule by the newest Tallest. So today is a rest day.”

Dib blinked at that and wondered how he was meant to feel about that.

Luckily Zim was at his house before he had to say something in return. Dib hopped out with the old monkey ship and watched Zim take off into the night. This was an interesting night for sure.

Meanwhile, Zim was sweating in the seat of the Voot.

“I NEVER THOUGHT OF WHAT TO SAY TO THE TALLEST!”

Chapter Text

Halloween.

It was an Earthen holiday where children got candy when talking to strangers.

Didn’t that defeat the whole ‘Don’t talk to strangers’ rule he heard parents repeat to their kids like everyday? Zim thought about it as Mary stood in front of the room dressed as some princess talking about why she chose to be a ‘faaaiiwy pwincess’ for the holiday. He tuned back in as he heard Ms. Bitters start a new, possibly traumatizing, story about how she was a princess once.

He just blinked as he heard the term ‘candy-starved zombie’ come out of her mouth.

What mess had he stepped into today.

He looked around the classroom and took in all the costumes of his classmates. A bunny, a cardboard television set, a pumpkin, even a wolfman or two thrown in. Was there a system to costumes? Like who decided to be what? He figured he would figure it out later when he was home when the kids started screeching at each other.

What?

He blinked as he wondered what in the Name Of The Great Irk this day was doing to the human children. Like was this normal? He looked over at the desk Dib normally sat in hopes he could pull him away from a second for an explanation, but he wasn’t there. He blinked as he tried to remember if Dib had been there that morning. He was sure he had seen him in the halls today. Hmm.

He raised his hand figuring that if he was getting Dib in trouble he could laugh later.

Only to have Dib slam the door open and scream about visions.

Um.

What.

He blinked and watched as Dib staggered to his desk mumbling to himself at a volume even Zim couldn’t hear. Was this normal for humans? He listened in as the kid murmured to themselves about how crazy Dib was today and figured that no. This wasn’t a normal thing.

That’s when he found out about crazy day cards.

What?

It seemed that they had 3 they could use for the month and the kids could decide on what the card was used on. The card was placed in a box on Ms. Bitters desk that would open to show a collar. Zim was distracted from the collar to Dib tumbling over his desk to the floor where he twitched and mumbled even more.

Had he really driven the kid this nuts this fast?

He didn’t even do anything this week!

He was reminded of the collar because he could see it now clipped around Dib’s neck. He looked up at Mrs. Bitters in time to hear her say “I've activated the crazy collar. The white coats will be here any moment.” What was a crazy collar? And what was ‘the white coats’? Before he could think to ask anyone two men in while coats came into the room. Zim blinked as they ran to Dib who was rolling a bit on the floor and scratching his arms.

They hauled him up and were out the doors before Zim could even ask anything.

What was going on here?

He sat there confused about everything while class started like nothing had just happened. He had been here for a good number of months so he was shocked that he had never heard of the crazy card or these men in white coats. He blinked again and realized he was outside all of a sudden. “Did I?” he turned to the Skool and saw that the skool was still going. So that means that he walked out while he was thinking didn’t he.

“That is a problem for tomorrow me” stated Zim as he took off.

He got to the house and ran past Gir who was singing to himself as he watched Tv. He hopped into the elevator hatch and fell down to the lower level. He took his chair and started typing. First he needed to know what ‘the white coats’ were. He hummed a but as he looked over the data.

“So it a coat for doctors? I guess that if they are calling him crazy then they are for the mind instead of the body” he murmured to himself. He tapped his chin with a claw and took in that the estimated time was anywhere to 24 hours to years in one of the hospitals if Dib was admitted. “Eh” he shrugged “I can get him out later”.

“Now. What is this whole Halloween thing really about?” with that he lost himself in the tapping of keys for about an hour before a thought came to him. “The only thing even close to candy I have here is my food supply and I am not giving that away. But how do I stop the kids from coming to the door asking?” He tried to recall anything from his research but all I could remember right now was ‘Trick or Treat’.

“I really don’t want to deal with eggs or toilet paper on my base” he sighed to himself before getting up out of his chair. “Well, if they won’t respect the off lights then how about wood over windows?” he asked himself as he walked to the elevator. “That means condemned on earth, right? So, they shouldn’t come near the house. There we go.” He clapped his hands together as he walked out of the elevator “We have a plan of action.” He paused to see Gir rolling all over the ground crying about something that sounded like ‘tacos?’ He watched for a moment before sighing.

Why was his life this difficult.

He went to the backroom where he kept spare wood and nails in case he needed it. He then got to work.

Soon, he had the windows covered and even the door. He hummed to himself feeling a bit proud of his barricade and how the gnomes had covered the outside of the house to. He looked out of a hole he had left in the barricade and saw the kids were starting to make their rounds. He grinned as they walked right past the house.

He hummed to himself and turned away with a skip in his step.

He loved a good plan coming together.

He walked to the sofa and snapped his fingers letting all the lights turn low just for an extra measure. He sighed softly again and leaned back on the sofa pillows. He just need to relax now and wait for the night to be done.

Of course that was when it became complicated.

“What in the name!” yelled Zim as one of his windows shattered allowing a black mass to come flying in. It fell in a heap at his feet with a growl causing Zim to lift his feet up on to the sofa away from it.

Not his proudest moment if he was honest.

Soon the heap moved and revealed it’s self to be Dib. “I thought you were going to a hospital” blurted out Zim as he watched the human sit up rubbing his head. “I was but I broke out” answered a breathless Dib as he got up on his two legs. “Look I need your help Zim!” pleated Dib. “The next jump may be the last one and I'll be stuck there forever! They're gonna do something to my head! Something evil!” he cried out grabbing his head in a panic.

Zim could only blink back at him for a moment.

Before he could open his mouth to ask anything, like a pattern that was starting to annoy him something fierce, Dib continued “You are the only one who can help me!” Zim shook his head and reached a hand out to Dib. “Well, lets get to work. I would hate to see my Big Problem go this fast. Lets see what I can do to help you out.” Dib smiled back relieved and clasped hands with Zim.

Just in time for his arms to start vanishing.

“Oh no!” yelled Dib as he started blinking out. Zim hissed as he watched his own body start to vanish along with the human boy. This was going to be fun.

Zim fell into a crouched position ready for anything as he took in the things around him. It looked like he was back in his house only darker with a more gothic theme. He turned to see Dib on the floor panting like he had ran a mile but before he could even say a word arms reached into the house screaming “The one whose neck blinks!”

Zim grabbed Dib and jumped to the kitchen opening because he could hear another voice screaming.

One that was coming from above.

Something fell right in front of them. Zim glared as he too in the short and squat creature that was slowly getting up off the ground. It’s body was covered with several asymmetrical horns, that protrude from large lumps and tumors throughout its body. It’s head was elongated, and ended in a noseless face. It had only open one to look at them gleefully.

He had seen worse but he so did not want to risk fighting something he had no idea about.

Zim grabbed the back of Dib’s coat and called out the Pak legs. With an almighty shove him and Dib were out the kitchen window and into the open. He dropped Dib and yelled “Run!” The two of them ran fast and hard how the nightmarish streets before taking a break in an alley far away from the house. Dib leaned against a wall panting while Zim tried to see if Gir’s tracker was working.

No luck.

So that means he is still in the house from before him and Dib were teleported. This also meant he couldn’t call The Tallest if something went wrong. That meant the only backup he had was a kid who was freaking out hard. Zim bit his lip as he took this in. He had never really been on his own like this before. He had always had The Tallest only being a call away no matter where he was or what he was doing for years. The fact he couldn’t do that. . . .

It was really scary.

He was brought out of his thoughts by Dib standing up. “Any idea where we are right now?” asked Dib. Zim hummed as he look out of the mouth of the alley. “If I had to guess a few blocks away from the skool. That’s the store that the old woman with the gray cat always sit in front of.” Dib hummed a bit as he took that in. “Right now, we are in some kind of alternate universe. It's based on my imagination somehow” stated Dib as he took in the stores and houses he past by sometimes.

He could feel Zim’s deadpan stare and met his eyes. “What?” asked a defensive Dib. “This is how you see the world? Really?” asked Zim as some kind of demented cat like animal ran past them only to be eaten by what they thought was a car. They both stared at it while it burped up the skeleton of the cat thing.

“Yeah. No” stated Dib before they turned to the other end of the alley. “We can get to my house. From there we should have the tech to reverse this and get the hell out of here.” Zim hummed while he walked next to Dib. “Sound plan. Lets go.”

They ran down side streets and made it all the way to the park. The house was only a few houses over and they were home free. Only for a herd of nightmares to appear. Zim pushed Dib behind a tree and hid with him. He closed his eyes letting the Pak take over his senses so they could be amplified. He listened as they came closer and knew they needed a plan and now to get out because soon those things would be right on them.

Only for a metallic click to come out of nowhere.

He opened his eyes and turned to Dib just in time to see him reach out and click the collar on him. What? He looked over and saw that the monsters were scattering out after hearing the click of the collar. He looked back at Dib who looked so determined before he opened his mouth yelling that he had found the blinking child.

Zim was going to kill him.

That thought echoed even as he took off running away from the monsters. He would have snapped the collar off but without it he had no safety net. They needed the person with the collar alive so he should be safe. Until they discovered they were lied to. Then he was so screwed.

He jumped over grasping hands, under legs and zigzagged in hopes of getting away from the nightmares but just as he jumped a long tongue shot out and grabbed him. He was pulled into the hollow body of one of the monsters and landed in a pool of slime in the monster's hollow body. Zim lifted his hands horrified and vowed he would get his revenge.

One way or another!

He watched from inside the cage body as he was brought to the nightmare version of skool. He couldn’t help the small uptick on his lips as he realized that the skool really was the hub of evil. Guess the kids were right. Skool was evil.

He was strapped to a table and a device was pointed at him. He held his breath for a few moments as he heard the monsters gather around him and the one that was in his house go to their leader, he guessed.

He couldn’t think of a plan.

He was scared.

What was he going to do!?

Suddenly a nightmare version of Ms. Bitters was standing over him. He blinked up at her and heard her say how “He may be useful.” So he was bait now?

Wonderful.

He stayed strapped to the table for what felt like forever while a nightmare went to try and threaten Dib to get to the skool. He stayed perfectly still while they walked around him leering at him like he was a tasty snack every once in a while. Soon the one with the message returned and was banished for his failure. While the monsters were having their goodbyes, he pulled his limbs out of the bonds and crawled out the door of the room.

When he was safely out of the room he called out his Pak legs and jumped into the vents. From there he crawled all the way to the roof and took a deep breath as he was out in the open air. He placed his hands together and breathed in deep. He needed a plan. He had no back up but he had never really needed it before.

It was a safety net that he had always had before.

“Come on Zim” he murmured to himself. “You got to think of a plan now. You have over thrown entire planets before without the help of those two. You have crawled your way out of gutters and scared kings who thought themselves gods. You can get out of here easy.” He closed and eyes and recalled the facts he knew.

He needed Dib to get out as he was the way in. He remembered that yesterday he had overhear Dib say how he was going to use his father’s dimensional scope that night. So he must have played with it causing the doorway to open. Zim had to find the scope and Dib. That way he could reopen the doorway and shut it behind him. He looked up with a smirk. “Game plan folks” he said to himself as he jumped off the roof using the Pak legs to soften his landing.

“Time to go hunting for a little traitor” he hissed as he took off running to the Membrane house. He looked up at the imposing structure and huffed. He used the Pak legs to pry open a window and clawed in. He crawled to the door he knew led to the Professor’s lab and then ran down the stairs. He scanned the lab silently walking through it ready for anything to happen.

He looked at a table on his right and there was the scope.

He ran and picked it up. He held it in his hands and lifted it to his face only to gasp at the sight inside. He lowered it as he whispered “what?” into the silence. She shook his head before looking around the lab. “I can worry about that later. I need something to help me get the traitor back so we can go home.” He looked over and saw a small mech and hummed. “That works.”

He hopped in and used his own Pak to hack the thing. Soon he was out of the lab and out in the street running back to the skool. When he got there he was able to point out where the chair and the nightmares were and punched a hole into the wall. He found Dib in the chair with a light coming out of a crystal that was strapped to his head.

He huffed and walked to Dib forcing the nightmares back with every step. Soon he was right next to the table and deadpanned stared at the boy on the table. “Oh come one Zim. You can’t be that mad at me. We both know you have a better chance at getting out then I do” offered Dib with a hopefully winning smile. Zim just huffed before he used metal tentacles from the mech to lift him off the table and into the air, upside down just because.

Zim just kept staring at him while Dib felt more and more blood rush to his head from the way Zim was holding him. Soon he blurted out “You can’t be mad! I’m just the small squishy human!” Zim couldn’t help the small smirk as he commanded the mech to squeeze the boy just to see if he was a ‘squishy human’.

Fun fact: They are squishy.

When that was taken care of Zim pressed a few buttons causing more tentacles to come out of the mech. He then commanded the mech to shoot out some goop. While he had no idea what it did he knew it would be a good distraction. He then shoved the mech out of the hole he had made to enter and ran for it with Dib still being held.

Soon they came to a trench where Zim placed Dib down. He started typing away and set the robot to auto-defense. With any luck they could have some time. He said as much to Dib as he jumped out of the mech. He then walked over to Dib holding the scope. “You know I have no idea how to work that right?” asked Dib. Zim hummed before saying “Yeah, I figured. Or we wouldn’t be in this mess if you had known the dangers or the reverse. Now hold still.” With that he shoved the scope into the beam and pushed it into Dib’s head. “Hey! Watch it!” shouted Dib as it entered. “Sorry not sorry. I have to get it big enough to get through” said Zim as the robot exploded behind them.

“Get through!? As in you leave me here!?” yelped Dib as he watched the Nightmare Ms. Bitters get closer. “Yep!” said Zim “And look at that! It is through!” stated Zim as the beam grew bigger. “Later traitor!” yelled Zim as he jumped into the light.

He felt like he was twisting and turning to a point he was sure he was going to be physically ill. Then he was free falling. He fell through the air fast and hard to a point he couldn’t even tell if he was falling to the ground. Lucky he landed in a huge pile of candy that softened the fall just enough to hurt instead of kill him.

He so hated the restart protocol of the Pak.

He sat up blinking and staring at all the kids who were laying on the ground moaning on pain. He blinked again and turned behind him to see Gir laying there much, much bigger then he was meant to be. “You went after kids for their candy didn’t you?” he half asked/ half stated to the normally little robot. His only answer was a groan.

Wonderful.

He got up slowly noticing the pain that flared knowing he would have to look at that later and looked at all the kids on the ground trying to think of what to do when a second bean of light appeared. Next thing he knew there was a body groaning in the candy he just got up from. He looked down to see Dib slowly get up from the ground and saw the way the light was getting smaller. “Well look at that. Seems to be closing on its own” stated Zim.

Dib grunted before screaming as Nightmare Ms. Bitters forced herself out of the hole. Zim jumped away ready to summon his Pak legs only for the monster to pause. He watched as the monster looked from one child to another before yelling “How Disgusting!” Zim smirked as he knew the best way to get rid of the thing. “If you think that’s bad” he started making the nightmare look at him “Look to your left” he finished.

When the nightmare saw Gir in all his wonder it screamed bloody murder as it ran back into Dib’s head.

Zim just sighed.

He knew the feeling somedays.

Chapter Text

Zim sat in is chair in his lab humming to himself. He was relaxing for a minute instead of jumping into his work like he normally does. He closed his eyes and sighed a bit as he wondered if he could do a ‘powernap’ like humans talked about even without being able to sleep. Might be a nice experiment to try one day.

He was knocked out of his thoughts when the computer spoke up. “Master, Sir Unit Gir is outside by the tree without his disguise. Should I force him back into the base?” Zim hummed. The neighbors had unfortunately gotten much to used to Gir and his looks. The Sir would even open the door without his dog suit so Zim wasn’t to worried about that.

“No. I need a nice little break” Zim said as he lifted himself from his chair. He walked to the elevator. He hummed a bit to himself as he entered before speaking again, “I’ll grab him real quick.” Zim walked out of the elevator on the top level and noticed that the computer had failed to place him in his disguise on but shrugged it off. He figured that was something he would look into in a bit but if anyone asked he wore the thing to protect himself because of his ‘skin condition’.

Got to love the internet and the answers it could give him for such awkward questions.

He walked out of the house and walked to the tree on the right of the property. There he found Gir doing some little dance and sighed. How was this his life. He grabbed Gir from around his neck and started to walk to the house.

Only for the sun to catch on something in the bush across the way.

He calmly walked back to the house and entered as if it was a normal day all the while the Pak started it’s work on the image Zim had seen.

It was a camera.

A camera had been pointed at him and had filmed him in his natural look.

The Pak forced the image to be zoomed in to the point he could see in between the leaves that had only hidden the owner a bit.

Dib glared back at him.

“Oh” stated Zim as he dropped the silent Gir, who knew something serious had just happened from the tone of Zim’s voice, on the sofa. “Computer” Zim ordered the silent base, “Access the cameras inside the Membrane household.” Zim walked to the elevator ready to go down when the Computer spoke to him. “Master? Wouldn’t it be better to go and take the camera now? Before he can upload it or something?” it asked sounding a bit confused. Zim just snickered to himself. “We could but. Where would be the fun in that? Instead, I have a better plan. A little revenge on the human that betrayed me in the nightmare world.”

Zim rubbed his hands together as he entered the lab just in time to see Dib run in his home screaming about his proof.

Perfect.

Let the games begin.

Over the next few days Zim watched as Dib seemed to vibrate out of his skin as the humans say. Gaz, in a rare form of care, came to him and told him of the camera. Why she did it he wasn’t sure but he did know that she was often annoyed by Dib. So maybe it was done to annoy Dib back? It wasn’t his concern but it did make him think.

“Can you explain to me what exactly he did with the film?” Zim asked wondering if he had to deal with scientists or the government first. Maybe even the swollen eye group he heard Dib talk about once or twice. Only for Gaz to say “Tv show.”

What.

Zim couldn’t help but say it out loud and Gaz sighed. “Yep. He had the perfect proof of aliens and he gave it to a show. The same show he had sent hundreds if not thousands of thing to prove aliens or whatever were real. The same show that probability shoved it into a file cabinet to never be seen again.” Zim just blinked before rubbing his face with his hands. “That is just wonderful” he sighed before humming as a thought came to him. “Gaz-Human?” he asked. She looked up at him and he asked “What is expected on this Tv show?”

She tilted her head and hummed. “Normally they will do a really bad recreation of the advent. Like your actor will probably be screaming about some evil plan to take over the world and I will sound like some valley girl. There may be a backstory to Dib like he has been hunting for aliens all his life. Dib with then be interviewed in front of the crowd.” Zim blinked and then smiled that evil little grin that many knew he by.

He knew how to get back at the traitor now.

“Gaz-human, I need a small favor if you don’t mind?” he asked.

Gaz just grinned back when she saw the grin.

Let the games begin.

From there Zim acted like everything was normal and watched as Dib seemed to get more and more impatient as they waited for word from the Tv show. He watched as Dib fidgeted with everything, got yelled at by Ms. Bitters for his loose attention, how picked at his nails, and chewed on pencils. He even stopped following Zim after skool so that there was no chance that he would miss the crew if they came by the house.

Zim just hummed a bit as he continued his day.

Then the cameras in the Membrane house beeped and Gaz called.

Time for the grand showing of his revenge.

Within the hour he was sitting backstage listening to Dib share his doubts about Zim’s cover and smiled. Gaz has shared her doubts of the film and his being an alien with some of the crew at the house. That had set off a call to the producer who smelled drama. From there Zim had been invited to share his side of the story.

Zim raised an eyebrow as he listened to Dib talk about how he had heard an ‘alien distress signal’ and went to the woods. Zim couldn’t help the blink as he heard Dib call Gaz his sidekick and wondered if Dib wanted to die that much. Because Gaz wasn’t going to let him get away with being called a sidekick. Zim just rolled his eyes and kept listening. He listened with a small amused smile as Dib talked about some big fight with lasers, punching, kicking, and a small earth child saving the day.

Um.

What.

Zim hummed as he took that all in and swore that he was going to play this out to the point that Dib lost all the chances of being anywhere credible in the future.

He got ready for his call and smiled when he heard “Aliens? That's quite a claim! Are you prepared to defend it?” Dib confidentially said “My video is proof enough I’d say!” The host then said “Well this boy says you are dead WRONG.” Zim walked out with a small unsure look and an awkwardness that was well known for shy children. He rubbed his arm, glanced around and mostly looked at the floor as he walked to his chair. He climbed up and gave a small little smile to the host, trying to make sure his act was fool proof.

And it seemed to be working if the way Zim heard awws from the people filming.

Part 1 was a success.

He was looking at the floor when he heard Dib stutter out a “What's he doing here!?! He's the alien!” Zim clenched his hands into fists and looked up like he was pulling together all this bravery to look Dib in the face. He even threw in a small stutter as he said “E-ending this Alien thi-ing once and for all!”

The host had a comforting smile on his face when Zim looked over at him so he figured he was doing this right. “Well Zim, the main question we have is . . . . Are you an ALIEN!?” Zim hummed and shrugged “Well I come from Denmark. Does that make me an Alien?” He knew the host was now worried. After all, if he said yes he would have discriminatory on his show and that could end him. But if he said no then he was killing his own scoop.

Oh boy, oh boy.

This was a fun one wasn’t it?

The host jumped over the question and asked his one saying, “Well what about the video?” Zim shrugged. “I’m not sure what you want me to say. I was in my house just relaxing when my Mother told me that my little robot was outside. I went out, grabbed him, and walked inside.” Zim looked down at the floor with a sad look as he said “I have a skin condition that turns my skin this color. In my town people were pretty ok with it but here people are just mean. I’m a completely normal kid who wants to grow up and be normal.” He then glanced at Dib from the corner of his eye as he went on to say, “But some people are convinced that I’m some alien here to cause trouble.”

Everything was silent for a bit while Zim just kept staring at the floor.

The host cleared his throat before saying “Well, we took the liberty to interview the students of the two boy’s class just so we can get a clear view of both sides of the story better.” From there a Tv flicked on showing student after student all giving what would amount to the same thing.

Zim was a bit odd at times but was a generally chill dude while Dib was manic and completely off his nut.

It took all the years Zim had as an Experienced Explorer to not laugh at Dib’s dropped mouth. Did he expect something different? Dib snapped out of it for a moment turning to the host and saying “Wait! They are just jerks! Ask my sister! She will back me up for sure!” Zim just looked at the host showing he had objections to it.

Gaz walked out from the back like Zim did only with more clear annoyance. She hopped on to her chair and huffed as she crossed her arms across her chair clearly thinking this was below her.

Zim knew the feeling.

Before the Host could ask anything Gaz said “Yeah. Dib is screaming alien again. Say something new will ya?” The Host blinked before asking “Does he do things like this often?” Gaz scoffed “What. You mean finding ‘proof’ and then harassing someone? Yeah. He does that.” The Host blinked before asking “Do you believe he has found proof of intelligent extraterrestrial life?” Gaz just blinked at him.

“That ‘intelligent extraterrestrial life’ was at his house. He stepped out to grab his dumb robo dog thing. Not exactly some evil plan there dude.”

The Host blinked at Gaz while Zim looked at Dib from the corner of his eye. He relished in the stunned look on his face, as if he couldn’t believe that no one would back him up. Why he thought anyone would escaped Zim right now. He wasn’t the popular kid at skool or the hero big brother to Gaz, so why would they help him?

That was one thing he probably never get answered.

Soon the Host ended the interview and they were on their way home. Zim was about to start the walk home when he heard “Zim!” Zim turned and smiled at the fuming earthling. “Why did you wait till now” Dib hissed. “Why wait till we were at the show, in front of all those people, to do that? We all know you could have ruined the tape at anytime.” Zim smiled and rocked back on his heels with a happy little hum. “Easy. You just got ripped down a few thousand pegs. People won’t trust you. Your proof is nothing but a figment to them. In the end I win.” Zim turned and started walking away.

“How about next time you don’t throw me to the wolfs and I may just stop the public humiliation next time.”

He grinned as he heard the wordless scream behind him.

It was a good day for Zim it seemed.

Chapter Text

Zim was a bit confused to tell the truth. He was standing in a auditorium with a bunch of other human children looking up at a big screen. Ms. Bitters had said they HAD to be there or she would start setting off small explosives that had been rigged to the seats of the class. So he found himself in this room with Dib standing there looking proud for no reason.

What a odd day.

Soon the screen flickered on where an announcer was seen grinning at the camera. The announcer started listing off accomplishments of a man called “the man without whom this world would fall into chaos”. Zim blinked as he wondered if the man did that much before he heard “Professor Membrane!” Zim felt the startled blink as Dib seemed to swell up next to him. He knew the Professor was important because what scientist wasn’t important but to that extent? Really?

Zim hummed as the Professor appeared on a podium and asked why no one had come up with a clean energy before. He seemed really passionate about it from the way he almost curled up in a ball in what seemed like pain. The man then jumped up excitingly talking about his Perpetual Energy Generator or what he had called PEG.

Zim noted how Dib was swelling up like he was the one who made the Generator as the Professor went on to say how he was turning it on later that night. Zim wondered how different it was to the ones run by the Empire. He heard the warning of what would happen if the Generator didn’t work and figured he have the Computer shield the house as a just in case while he Pak could protect him when he went to the site.

He walked off as a hover screen came up behind Dib and asked that “The Professor’s roommates” would follow him. Even Zim knew that wasn’t the right name for kids. Zim walked out of the skool and kept going. He commanded the Pak to connect to the Computer so he could activate the security as a just in case of the malfunction of the Generator.

“Before the activation I should take a look at the drill” Zim thought out loud as he made a turn down an alley and looked over to make sure no one was looking at him. With that he summoned the Pak legs and took to the roofs so he could get to his drill faster. When he got to the warehouse holding the drill he quickly got in and checked on his security.

The only problems he had was a few squirrels and a homeless man or two.

The gnomes he had around the place took care of that easily enough.

He hummed as he checked the readings that he was getting from the Drill’s prechecks. The soil was good and there was nothing from city under it for a good few miles. “Alright. Looking good” Zim stated with a smile. “If everything with the Professor’s Generator goes well then I can get started tomorrow. Then I can see if the science book was right about it being 1,800 miles or more to hit the lava core of Earth. Little fun fact for future Irkens I’d say.”

Zim was about to turn away from the readings only to hear his alarm go off and the gnomes activated. He watched as they grabbed something from the controls of the Drill and saw Dib being dragged to him. “What In The Name Of The Great Irk are you doing here Dib-Human?” Zim couldn’t stop himself from asking. “Don’t you have to get ready for the Interview with your father unit?”

Dib was in the middle of trying to yank himself out of the arms of the Gnomes before he heard Zim’s questions. He then glared at the alien who, thanks to the way the Gnomes were restraining him, stood taller then him for once. “My future self came!” he spat out. “He warned me! About your plan to mess with the Generator!”

Zim blinked for a bit before laughing in his face.

He wiped the tears of his eyes as he said “I’m sorry, really I am.” He placed his hands on his hips and smiled like Dib was a small Smeet asking why Irk had to invade. Such a silly little thing. “Dib-Human. Why would I kill you all off this soon? It is the equivalent of just setting up and ant farm and then shaking it. I have more to learn and more to test. Killing off the human race this fast would just be boring.” Dib blinked at him in silence as he took that in but Zim’s attention was taken by the loud “WHAT!?” coming from Dib-Human’s wristwatch.

He snapped his fingers commanding the Gnomes to lift Dib’s arms so he could look at the watch. From there he saw a bruised and battered Dib who looked like he had swallowed an earth lemon. With his eyes he was able to pick up how the bruises were nothing but paint and the way they skin was the same material that most disguises for the Empire were made.

That was a fake Dib.

“Now who made you and why are you running around pretending to be the human Dib?” Zim asked as he took in every detail of the fake. It was very well made he had to admit. The creator had to observe everything about Dib to get to this detail. The way the hair fell, the way the glasses were just slightly bent on one arm, even the material the coat was created from. Very well done.

He watched as the fake Dib sneered before the screen flickered only to show. . . . him?

Zim felt his antenna raise in curiosity as he took in the slightly darker skin that came from being out in the sun to much. The eyes narrowed and gleaming in the same way and yet different. The way his body was completely tense like he would jump through the camera to attack at any moment.

The red of the Invader uniform.

“WHO ARE YOU!?” he barked. Zim just blinked at him as he took in the briskness and harsh tone. It was so different, he thought with a little grimace, he was always told that his tone was soothing and such but this Zim. . . .

How strange.

“ANSWER ME WORM! WHY DO YOU HAVE THE GREATH ZIM’S FACE!!?” the other Zim barked. Zim hummed before answering “I am the Explorer Zim of the Planet Irk. Main Explorer under the Invaders Red and Purple, the Newest Tallest of The Great Irken Empire. State your name and purpose, Irken.” He watched as the other Zim blinked at him before an ugly scowl covered his face. “I am the GREAT INVADER ZIM! THE GREATEST INVADER IN THE EMPIRE WHO WILL MAKE HIS TALLEST PROUD NO MATTER THE COST!”

Zim blinked at the loud introduction and took in what wasn’t said. That Zim was clearly a defective from the loud bragging and such. He also clearly had no accomplishments under his belt if all he was saying was how great he was. No mention of how many planets taken or his Explorer anywhere to be found.

Is this what would have happened to him if he had been classed as an Invader instead of an Explorer?

It was terrifying.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE HUMAN STINK CALLED DIB, IMPOSTER!” screamed the other Zim knocking him out of his thoughts. He looked over to see the other Zim give him a look that clearly wondered if he was a road block in his way. Zim hummed as he took in all the differences and similarities to them.

How so very strange.

“Well I was checking on my drill for an experiment in a few days. If I had to guess you lead him here since he had no idea it was here. The only ones who knew it was here was the Computer and I” he stated as he watched the other Zim clench his teeth together in frustration. It seems the other him is very short tempered as well . . . . everything else that was different.

How very odd.

“OI! I kind of need my arm back!” yelped Dib, who was sick of his arm bent in an odd angle. Zim looked down and hummed. He reached down and fisted the collar of Dib’s beloved coat and yanked him up out of the Gnome’s hands. Dib yelped again but was glad to find himself standing straight. When he looked up he found Zim deadpan face staring back at him with an eyebrow ridge lifted.

Dib started to squirm a bit under that look trying not to meet his eyes. “Dib” sighed Zim sounding very much like a disappointed parent “we have talked about this. I have no plans to destroy the earth. I am in the middle of studying it. Why would I ruin all my hard work after a few months? That would be boring.”

Before Dib could say a word the other Zim yelled loud enough to be heard. “WHAT!? WHY WOULD YOU STUDY THIS DIRTY FITHY MAD PLANET!?” Dib turned his arm so both Zim and Dib could look down at the fuming alien. “Because it is different then our home? It is my occupation as a Explorer? My Tallest gave me the planet to study after all my years of service? Take your pick.”

Zim was honestly confused.

He was loyal to the empire. He followed his orders with that little bit of sass that was more endearing than a danger. He was quick and effective when given a mission. Even if this planet turned out to be nothing but rocks he would study it all and report back to his Tallest. Because that was what he was made to do. Why would he go against it?

Dib knocked him out of his thoughts by asking “That is you, right? But he is completely different! Like crazy and jumpy and stuff! And what about future me? Where did he go?” Before the other Zim could say a word Zim knocked a knuckle against his head. “OW! What was that for!?” cried Dib as he rubbed his free hand on the knock.

“Think. When your arms were behind your back the watch was showing the future Dib right?” He waited for the nod and continued. “Within no time that I saw the watch it was the other Zim speaking right? No pause or anything?” He watched as Dib thought back and nodded again. “Right. So that means that other Zim?” asked Zim hoping that the human could make that leap of logic.

“The other Zim” Dib started a bit slowly before continuing at a fast pace as if the other Zim could rip his words away “Hacked the watch and the other Dib is in danger!” He did a full turn as if he was about to run back to the last location of the other Dib before Zim pulled him back by the back of his jacket. Without wasting a second Zim knocked against his head again causing another “Ow!”

“Ok” Zim sighed, “I was hoping that you would get this but ehh. Lets just lay it out. The other Dib was a fake. He was made by the other Zim to get you here. Most likely he expected the Gnomes to shoot to kill. Luckily for you they just grab my trespassers while I’m here. If you were here a second sooner before me.” Zim let that hang in the air as Dib gulped.

He got the picture.

“Now the problem is that that Zim led you here. He clearly has no idea who I am or my relationship with you so I think he thought that you were his Dib. His enemy. So he sent the fake Dib here in hopes to distract you from his main goal. The Generator.”

Dib’s eyes opened wide while Zim lifted his arm to see the other Zim sitting in a chair staring forward without any real reaction. Zim knew himself. He knew his looks and manners. There were some odd things in this other Zim that he placed down to different lives, but they were the same at the base.

It was like you had a twin you grew up with, but they ended up spending years in another country. You knew the base better then anyone but some habit were different. Some words sounded strange and a few movements were odd.

But in the end they were your twin.

And you could read them better then anyone.

“Today’s plan is a failure” stated the other Zim as he came back into himself. He stared at Zim for a moment before blinking. “I have much better things to do today then this little plan. It isn’t going to be as entertaining without the challenge Dib-Stink would give me.” With that he turned off the monitor that connected him to the watch and was gone.

Zim kept looking at the watch before grabbing Dib and starting to drag him to the door. “AH! W-wait! What are you doing!?” stammered Dib as he was pulled forward. “We have to get you to that interview thing, right? It is starting in a few minutes?” Asked Zim as he wrapped an arm around Dib’s waist.

It said a lot about how Dib viewed him that all he did was brace himself as the Pak legs came out. Soon they were jumping over rooftops when Zim’s question finally clicked in his head. “WAH!” yelled Dib while Zim sighed knowing this was going to happen. “CAN WE GO FASTER!? THAT INTERVIEW IS LIKE RIGHT NOW!” Zim just kept jumping over the rooftops. When he got to the place the showing was meant to be he dropped Dib off letting him deal with the security.

Zim then raced home as fast as the Pak legs would let him. Soon he was inside the house ordering the Computer to record the Generator as he wanted to know how that was going to work out but beyond that he headed straight to the lab. When he entered he saw a small vortex of purple energy start to form at the far wall. He didn’t look away even as the Pak placed a pair of googles over his eyes as a just in case.

When it got to a little over his height a figure dressed in an Invader uniform stood in front of him.

“Hello” he started off slowly as he really took in the differences between himself and the other, “Zim”.

Those plank red eyes looked at him also taking in the differences before saying “Greetings. . . . Explorer Zim”.

This was going to be an interesting talk Zim could just tell.

Chapter Text

Zim stared at the other him still fascinated with the similarities and differences in them. The same height, same body type, same face and yet so different. He blinked and then pointed to a table he had placed near the console in the room. He had placed it there for Gir to draw or something when he was hard at work and he was never so glad he kept it. Silently they sat facing each other and stared for a bit more. Soon Zim couldn’t take the oppressive silence and open his mouth to say. . . . something when the other Zim spoke. “Why are you an Explorer?”

Zim blinked as he took in the small shoulders curled in a defensive stance. It was as if he was expecting Zim to start screaming or something all because he asked a question. What universe did this other Zim come from that was his reaction to asking questions? “I was a miss assignment” he stated watching as the other Zim flinched at that. Not a shock to tell the truth.

To be misassigned was the biggest fear of any true Irken.

To be forced by the Pak to act one way when you needed to act another.

It was horrifying.

Zim cleared his throat in a human movement he picked up and continued. “Thanks to the switch of Paks my memories of the time after coming online are corrupted. Tallest Miyuki told me that a Caregiver noticed that I was behaving in a strange way for a Invader Smeet. The Caregiver went to her and showed her the proof he had to back his claim and she allowed the switch of Paks. From there I was a model Explorer. I pasted my classes with flying colors, was placed under the orders of Explorer Bak for a few Earth years, and was giving my own orders within a accelerated rate. Explorer Zim is the Explorer to beat.” Zim couldn’t help the little arrogance at the end. He had slaved away for years to make his name. He was the Explorer many looked up to and wanted to be. He was proud of the legend he would leave behind for other Explorers.

The other Zim stared at him before looking at the table with a blank look. There was silence for a bit before a dry chuckle left him. “Are you telling me that was all it took?” the other whispered “A Caretaker to pay attention?”

Zim could only sit and watch the other processed what was said. He could do nothing as the other leaned his elbows on the table and placed his head in his cup hands. They sat in silence for a bit before the other Zim lifted his head. He had a bitter smirk on his face as he began his story.

“I was placed in the Invader track from the very start. I was always strange to my class but hey” he shrugged with the smirk growing “I passed. I would cause property damage without any real work. The day I was created I shut down the Hatchery for a few years. During training, I tried to get a snack and instead caused a mass power outage. Tallest Miyuki saw me as the means to a new wave of destruction and entered me in the Scientist program.”

Zim couldn’t help the small impressed hum. To be a Scientist the other Zim would have had to shown vast intelligent and drive. The fact that the Tallest would take a chance on someone who clearly was that destructive said a lot about both the Tallest’s belief in the other Zim and his skill.

Other Zim huffed before continuing on. “I was working well. I had made a few weapons and some improvements to existing work. Everything was going well when it imploded around me. An experiment that was meant to help clear off worlds faster got out and started attacking the world that the lab was on. After my experiment killed the Tallest I was punished.”

Zim couldn’t help the wince. The fact the other was alive was a shock to tell the truth. To kill a Tallest even indirectly . . . .

The other him caught the look and hummed in agreement. “The only reason I survived was a mix of the things Tallest Miyuki told the Control Brains, My Defective Pak, and the affection that Purple and Red still held for me. Or maybe they were punishing me” Zim tiredly snickered. “Instead of a quick death, I was given over to Foodcourtia where I was to spend the rest of my days slaving over fries and the such.”

“But there was no way you could stay like that” Zim stated. He knew himself well. He wanted to have his name placed in the history of the Irken Empire. He wanted to leave behind something that would outlive him.

If it was taken from him. . . .

The chance to move forward and leave something to be proud of. . . .

There is no way he could let it end without getting something back.

The other him smirked. “Of course I couldn’t let it end like that. Even if I knew that it would mean my death I went to the Great Assigning for Doom II.”

“Wait. II? What happened to Doom I?” he couldn’t help butting in. Red and Purple were so proud of that plan so why was there a second draft of it? Did the first just not work?

The other Zim hummed and looked away from him. “Well. In between my punishment and such, I was given a little leeway. I was assigned to help destroy a planet as soon as I was released. It turns out someone messed up my orders and I was released on to Irk.”
Zim sighed at that. Because other Zim would have followed orders almost instinctively thanks to the Defectiveness of his Pak. He never stood a chance.

“Yeah” the other Zim said as he took in the look on Zim’s face. “After that and being forced to be a food drone, I returned to be assigned Earth. While other would tell you I was proud to get earth I knew the truth. They sent me out here to die. There are no refill stations or the like around and I only had the Voot. I was ready to die but I found earth. Since then I’ve done. . . .” other Zim trailed off with a sad sigh. He met the eyes of Zim and shrugged.

“I think the term is messed around? I make plans that I know won’t fully win. I am smart” he stated as if Zim had questioned him. “I can tell you the precents of a plan working off the top of my head. The problem is my emotions can get away from me. Only reason I’m calm right now instead of scream like I normally do?” Other Zim shrugged “Shock I’d guess. The Pak clearly never expected the information of an Explorer Zim.”

Zim hummed and guessed he was right. Even his Pak was having small tics where it felt like it was moving to fast. Zim wondered if this was what Invader Zim was under the control commands of the Pak. Was he calm? Was he loud? Was he more? The sad part was even if he asked Other Zim he doubted the other had a clue. They were bonded with a Pak from the first breath. It was coded into every fiber of their beings. It was why many allowed Zim a bit of freedom because it was well known he was a miss assignment. His small quirks were alright because of the first Pak.

But even he had so much freedom.

The other Zim lifted a small flash drive. “This here will have my memories. As to make sure My Pak doesn’t mess with your machinery I have placed it on a human Flash Drive thingy. From there you just need to grab a human laptop and you are good.” He placed it gently on the table in front of him and looked at Zim. Zim smiled a bit as a metal arm came down from the ceiling. In it’s claw was a small Irken Computer Chip that it gently placed on the table in front of them. “I had Computer do the same for you. We also have the portal frequency so you can come over when you want peace from the Pak.”

The other Zim hummed as he picked up the chip. “I may take you up on that. It would be. . . . nice to know who I am without my orders.” Zim watched as the other him walked to the wall that the portal was on and pressed a button on his wrist. He hummed as he watched the Purple light came to be again the other dissaper into it as soon as it was formed. Zim looked at the flash drive and hummed again.

Did he want to ask Dib to watch this with him or was it easier to just get a whole laptop for himself.

“Gir! I’m going out!”

He was getting himself a laptop.

Chapter Text

I write this with a heavy heart.

You see I fell in love with Invader Zim when I was very young. I loved the crazy big headed boy and the screaming alien that stood out from everyone else. They were who they were and made no apologies for it. Yes they could be dumb. Yes they could be self-absorbed. Yes they could be annoying but they were so human because of it. They inspired me to be me. They helped me laugh in moments I felt like crying. When the show ended I almost cried but I promised myself that I would remember them.

So I moved on with my life.

Years later I found out about Ao3 and the fandom. Invader Zim was alive and well. I was so happy. I dived in and loved everything I could find. Stories, art, everything. I found friends and chatted with people who made me laugh and happy. I was content. I wrote and wrote and loved it. I made promises to help the fandom because I was told it was dying. It is why I posted every week without fail. Because I wanted to help even if no one knew who I was. I just wanted to help.

But I was burning out. Trying to churn out ideas for new chapters wasn’t coming the way it did before. So I had to end something I loved because I feared that if I kept forcing out ideas that it would sound terrible. I didn’t want something I loved to end with a whimper. I wanted to end it on a note I could be proud of. So I ended it while I could still be proud.

But now it has come to this.

See I have watched over the Invader fandom and had friends come to me. People have told me that they don’t feel safe because of drama caused by SO MANY things. I tried to comfort. I tried to be a listening ear. I tried to be a pillar they could lean on. And I hope I did well. I hope I helped. I hope that I was able to be help my friends.

But my love for Invader Zim is going out. I still love my little alien and his big headed enemy but writing is a chore. There is no joy. There is no excitement to write a new chapter. There is nothing but a feeling of ‘here we go again’. Just to write the last chapter took so much out of me and it wasn’t even worth it. People were excited. They asked me for that chapter. They wanted to see how my Zim and original Zim interacted and I’m not proud.

Explorer Zim was a story I was so proud of. I wanted it to be the story you could know me by. “Oh that’s the person who wrote Explorer Zim. DreamerLost.” Something like that. Now I hope you see me by Zim Multiverse and only that. I’m not deleting this because it was my baby at one point. It was my joy and I worked so hard on it. But for now I’m placing it in the completed box with the hope I can come back to it.

I hate when stories are unfinished but for now I think that’s what I have to do.

To the people who loved this, I’m sorry.

To the people who cheered me on, I’m sorry.

To the people who believed in me and helped me iron out things, I’m sorry.

But I can’t keep writing this when I’m just not proud. I can’t force you to enjoy something that I’m just not enjoying anymore. I’m going to move on to other fandoms and keep writing, don’t worry. I’m not stopping writing all together and who knows. I may come back and try redoing Explorer Zim but for now.

Bye Bye.

And Thank you to all the wonderful people who loved this story as much as I did.