Work Text:
Since the absolute shitfest that was kidnapping that Yuuei brat and the subsequent smackdown between All Might and All For One, the League of Villains has been reduced to squatting in whatever burned out, torn apart, half rotten buildings they can find. Their current hideout, a rusted, crumbling, dank shell of a warehouse, is honestly in the running for one of the worst places Dabi has ever stayed, and he lived under a piece of sheet metal propped up on two dumpsters behind a shitty ramen bar for three weeks.
There's been a collective loss of morale since they lost the old base and their pastimes along with it. Shigaraki bitches endlessly under his breath about their lack of internet connection. Twice mourns the loss of their pool table, Spinner their regular access to hot water, and Toga their proximity to malls to shoplift from. Dabi hadn't thought Kurogiri would miss anything, but it's actually become pretty obvious he misses bartending.
They've all picked up new hobbies to fill the time. Shigaraki has been trying to learn how to knit, but he keeps getting frustrated and disintegrating the whole thing, multiple times per day. Twice is working on his stand up comedy (surprisingly funny and sad) and Spinner is adding even more knives to his weird fucking sword. Toga is still obsessing over Midoriya Izuku, looking at pictures of him from the Yuuei Sports Festival on her latest pilfered cell phone while carving "Midoriya Himiko" into the nearest available surface with a knife.
Kurogiri has taken to sitting in complete silence and waiting for the rats that infest the building to run by so he can open a warp gate beneath them and transport them God knows where. Spinner believes that he's just dropping the rats randomly, while Shigaraki says he's probably sending them into the homes of various pro heroes as a minor act of villainy. Twice insists that he's collecting them all in some secret location, amassing an army of rats for some unknown purpose. He claims he saw Kurogiri open a warp gate and drop a hard boiled egg in ("To feed the rats!").
As Dabi watches Kurogiri open a portal beneath a rat and then place another directly above it, making the rat fall in an infinite loop as it approaches terminal velocity, he figures the guy's just bored like the rest of them.
Dabi likes to think he's normal in the fact that the hobby he's taken up is smoking. The other members of the league bitch about it, but after telling them that they can either deal with him smoking or get smoked themselves, their complaints are mostly under their breath mumbling.
Dabi watches the rat continue to fall, speeding up a little with each loop until Toga lets out an excited shriek. Both him and Kurogiri snap out of their rat-induced trance and the top portal closes, sending the rat off to bold new horizons. Shigaraki jumps and disintegrates his third ball of yarn today, swearing loudly as the most obnoxious member of the league squeals and enters the room with her phone hoisted in the air.
"You!" she shouts, pointing at Dabi.
Dabi blinks at her. "Me," he says, exhaling a lungful of smoke. Not tobacco this time; something danker to match the environment.
"You used to be so cute ! Why'd you do that to your face, Touya-san?!"
Dabi chokes and drops his joint, hacking up smoke so violently that even crusty old Shigaraki looks concerned.
" What did you just call me? " he asks, voice scratchy. Because there's no way he heard her right. He's not nearly high enough to be hearing shit.
"Touya-san!" she repeats. "That is your name, isn't it?"
"No!" Dabi snaps instantly. "That's not my fuckin' name, you psycho bitch."
"Emo loser," she snaps back before shifting seamlessly into a cute pout that has Twice swooning and stomps her foot. "It is too your name."
"According to who?!" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at her.
"According to Izu-kun!"
" Who? "
"Don't you listen to anything I say, Touya?!" she wails. "My future husband!"
Dabi blinks slowly at her. "Broccoli bitch?"
"You're so mean! No wonder your dad wanted to kill you!" she shouts.
Dabi's on his feet in an instant, his left hand on fire and outstretched in her direction. "What the fuck did you just say?!"
Normally Kurogiri would intervene at this point, but he's just watching this whole thing go down while Twice jumps between the two of them. Chronic boredom has changed him.
"Woah woah– let's not do anything we're gonna regret here! Let's hear Toga-chan out! Even if it does hurt to hear her call another man her future husband."
Dabi flips Twice off with his flaming hand and Toga sticks her tongue out at him, ignoring Twice’s hopeless pining as usual.
"Thanks, Twicey!" she says, kissing Twice on the cheek and reducing him to a puddle on the floor.
Dabi glares but extinguishes his flames and puts his hand down. If he gets too worked up about this then there's no way he'll be able to deny it.
"As I was saying," Toga says obnoxiously, like the obnoxious brat she is, "Izu-kun's cute friend, you know– with the hair–" she puts a hand on either side of her head and drags them down to just past her jaw, "made a video explaining that you're his dead brother Todoroki Touya!"
Dabi blames his response to that on the weed.
"Shouto did what?! "
“ Shouto ?” Twice repeats while Toga shoves her phone into Dabi's hands.
“Watch it yourself!”
It's too fucking late for his phone to be ringing for any normal reason. The only explanation Keigo can possibly think of is that he's needed for some hero related emergency, so he smacks his hand along his bed until he feels his phone and jabs at the screen before bringing it up to his ear.
“H’llo?” he mumbles.
“ Hawks ,” snaps the voice on the other end. “ Give me Endeavor's number– I know you have it. ”
“Dabi..? Wha–”
“ ENDEAVOR’S NUMBER. NOW! ” Dabi shrieks, and boy if that doesn't wake him up fast.
“Okay! Okay! I'm texting it to you now!” Keigo says in an attempt to be soothing as he goes to his contacts and hits share on Endeavor’s.
He hears Dabi's phone buzz, followed by a second of silence.
“ Hawks ,” Dabi says in an eerily calm voice. “ Why do you have my father's number saved with every single heart emoji after his name? ”
This time it's Keigo’s turn to shriek. “YOUR WHAT?! ”
“Hey– Shouta, wake up–” an all too familiar voice chirps.
Shouta groans and rolls over onto his other side, because no matter what it is Hizashi is trying to wake him up for, it's not more important than sleep.
“Shouta, c'mon don't be like that,” Hizashi whines, poking him in the back.
When Shouta smacks his hand away without sitting up, he gets fingers digging into his ribs instead.
He finally sits up, blinking the sleep out of his eyes and glaring. “ What .”
“Watch this,” he says with an almost manic grin, jamming his phone into Shouta's hands before flopping down beside him.
He blinks against the bright light of the screen for another moment before hitting play.
That– no. That can't be who he thinks it is. His eyes must be playing tricks on him. No way is this really a video of–
His thoughts halt in their tracks as the man on screen starts to speak.
“ This is for Endeavor you big fat fake hero nasty smelling fat bitch. Why you tell the whole motherfucking family I'm dead with your triflin’ dirty fake hero ass, you big fat oompa loompa body ass bitch– ”
That on its own is enough to make Shouta's brain short circuit, but it just keeps fucking going.
“ I'm coming up there and I'm going to beat the fuck out of you bitch and don’t even call the police today cause I'ma come up there unexpected and wait on your motherfucking ass bitch. I'm coming to beat the fuck out of you bitch cause you did that on purpose with your aundry fake hero ass burnt haired bitch. Watch I'm coming up there to fuck you up bitch. I'm telling you watch– I know what kind of car you drive I’m gonna wait on you and I’m going to beat your ass bitch cause I'ma show u not to play with Dabi bitch. That’s the first thing you did and you got me fucked up cause bitch cause I told you what the fuck was going on! You fake hero mother fuckers hate to see villains doing good or doing good doing anything for them mother fucking selves ugly fat hero wannabe bitch! ”
Shouta legitimately can't believe this shit. He can't make his brain match up the words that are being said with the face of one of the most wanted villains in Japan, but there he is, staples and scars and all. He’s got a phone to his ear, and the video appears as though it’s being filmed without his knowledge. The camera occasionally shakes just slightly as whoever’s filming trembles with held-back laughter.
He taps the screen to pause the video, looking over to Hizashi with an unidentifiable emotion on his face and in his heart.
“I know–” Hizashi says. “ I know– but it keeps going.”
He hits play again.
“ Watch, I'm telling you I'm coming there to beat your mother fucking ass, burnt hair smelling fake ass hero sweaty smelling ass bitch. Watch I'm coming to fuck you up cause you got me fucked up gonna sit up there and try to do that little aundry was! Shit bitch, you aundry since the first day I came up– talking about All Might's fuckin bodysuit but you walking around here in some thousand yen ass old ass ugly ass bitch ass hero suit that shows you ain't got no ass on dirty dusty hero bitch . Sit up there behind your desk smelling like cheese, bitch. Stinky fat fake hero ass bitch, and you gonna try to not answer this phone I'm coming to fuck you up! ”
Shouta can't even form a coherent thought at this point, and the video still isn't over.
“ I'm telling you you better remember who I am, cause bitch you gonna run when you see me cause I'm coming to fuck you up bitch! Wanna sit up and play me about my motherfucking family bitch? You gonna sit up there and try to do that bitch– little do you know little do you know I know enough people! Watch I’m coming to fuck you up I promise you that! I promise you that ! I'm coming to fuck you up bitch! You fat stinky wannabe hero bitch burnt haired yellow yuck mouth nasty mouth ass bitch you stink! You smell like fucking cheese and you got that triflin’ ass attitude– I'ma beat that attitude up out of you bitch! Watch you treat everybody like that– all these villains like you do like that you in the wrong position you triflin’ ass fake ass hero bitch. That’s why nobody fuck with you! Cause you triflin’ and you fake! Bitch sit up there and did all this shit I told you what the fuck I was going on gonna tell me that I motherfucking burned to death when I'm telling you the fuck I didn’t bitch– why would I lie about some shit like that?! Watch I finna come there and beat your motherfucking ass you better not get out of that car bitch I'm telling you– ”
The video isn't a figment of Shouta's poor, sleep deprived brain. It's horrifically, undeniably, hilariously real.
And that's also the fifth time today he's heard some part of it; this time however, it's his students who are watching it and not just some random children he's passing in the hall.
“Aizawa-sensei!” Ashido says excitedly. “Have you seen this?”
“Yes, I have,” he replies, doing his best to act like he hadn’t laughed, nearly to tears, the second time he watched it.
“I wonder how he got father’s number…” Todoroki wonders aloud before pulling out his phone and typing something into it.
It buzzes a moment later and Todoroki gives a satisfied hum.
Shouta’s eye twitches. No. Nope. He is so not dealing with that today.