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“So guess what?” says Alex.
“You’ve finally decided to pack it in and live a simple life as a shepherd in Algeria?” says Jay.
“No,” says Alex, “I’m throwing a party!”
“I’m surprised,” says Jay.
He isn’t surprised.
“You’re coming.”
“I don’t kn–”
“Ssh,” says Alex, putting a finger over Jay’s mouth, “Don’t fight this. You’re coming. You might play hard to get but you always come anyway. Don’t think I don’t know your games, you little minx.”
Jay nips at Alex’s finger.
“You know I don’t like it when you use teeth,” says Alex.
Sometimes, Jay isn’t surprised at the rumours about them.
“Jessica’s coming,” Alex says, in that tone of voice that’s meant to be subtle and really isn’t.
“Yeah?” Jay says, spits out Alex’s finger when he realises he can’t talk around it, “What about her friend, that girl Amy?”
Alex shrugs with practiced nonchalance. He might act like he doesn’t even know the girl but Jay’s pretty sure he’s been stalking her on MySpace for months.
“I dunno, man. I’ve told everyone to bring anyone. Even Brian’s bringing someone.”
“I’m not bringing anyone.”
“That’s okay baby, you’re my plus one.”
Alex drags Jay around everywhere, when he doesn’t have a girl. Which is most of the time. Like everywhere. They went to prom together. They had matching corsages. Brian nominated them for Prom King and Queen. It wasn’t funny. Jay doesn’t really mind it, being Alex’s stand-in girlfriend. It’s not like he’s got anyone. Or will have anyone. Ever.
“Though with the way Jess looks at you, I get the feeling you won’t be my plus one for much longer, eh?”
Alex claps him on the back and Jay laughs. Not in a real, oh-God-Alex-you’re-so-funny way, but in a fake, oh-God-how-the-hell-do-I-tell-my-best-friend-I’m-gay way. It’s not like Jay wants to get with him or anything – well, not anymore – but he’s just scared of how he might react. He’s pretty sure his dad would skin him if he knew. Ma would probably opt for shooting him instead.
“You know I’ll always be yours,” Jay says.
The party is – well, like Alex’s parties always are. Loud and confusing and full of teenagers being loud and confused. Jay takes up his usual place on the couch in the corner of the room, closest to the door, and sits there with a can of beer that he sips every minute or so. He pulls his hat down and looks at his beer and doesn’t really talk much because no-one really talks to him. Alex staggers over every now and then to check on him, and he even manages an awkward conversation with Jessica, but otherwise, he watches, and doesn’t take part. He’s got Alex’s video camera to hide behind anyway.
When Brian arrives, Jay wishes he could hide completely. Like Alex said, he’s brought a friend – but he failed to mention that this friend was stupidly attractive. Because Jay can’t look at anything else, and it’s actually embarrassing. The friend – Tim, he introduces himself as – is dark and heavy-set and just, well, nice. There’s a terrible moment when he makes eye contact with Jay and smiles, and Jay’s stomach turns and he dashes to the fridge for another beer, even though his can is still only half-drunk. But otherwise, Tim keeps quiet, skimming the edges of the party, never far from Brian, except when he steps out for a cigarette. That’s when Jessica wrenches the video camera from Jay’s hands and says, “Go outside.”
Jay opens his mouth, can’t find the words.
“Go on,” says Jessica.
Jay does as he’s told. Goes to the garden. Sees Tim sat on a bench near the back fence, smoking. Jay hovers for about a minute before he manages to say anything.
“Um, can I sit with you?”
Tim twists around to look at him. Jay’s all long limbs and awkwardness, hands curled into fists around the ends of his sleeves.
“Sure.”
Jay smiles, sits next to him. Has no idea what to say.
“You want a smoke?” Tim asks.
“Oh, thanks, I – I don’t really.”
“Try,” says Tim, and puts the cigarette between Jay’s lips, easy, like they know each other.
Jay breathes in, gets a lungful of smoke, coughs and splutters. Tim laughs, claps him on the back.
“Was that your first time?” he asks, takes the cigarette back, “Don’t lie.”
“Okay, yeah.”
Tim’s hand is still on his back, and it’s distracting him.
“You shoulda said, man. Firsts are meant to be special, right?”
Jay’s pretty sure he’s blushing. He bites the end of his sleeve.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Hey, come here.”
Tim jerks his head and Jay does as he’s told, shuffles closer, so they’re sitting thigh to thigh.
“Open your mouth,” says Tim, takes a drag of his cigarette.
“What are you gonna –”
But then Tim’s hand is on his jaw, and he’s leaning in and breathing out and Jay swallows the smoke down, feels dizzy. Thinks that you’re not meant to shotgun tobacco but he’s not going to question what’s happening right now.
“Better,” says Tim, doesn’t move away.
Jay ducks his head down, bites his lip. Tim is still touching him and it’s making his heart go fast as a rabbit’s.
“So,” says Tim, taking a drag of his cigarette, and fuck, he’s tracing patterns into Jay’s back with his finger, “Are you always this chatty?”
“Are you always this forward?”
“Only with blushing virgins.”
“I might not be a virgin!”
Tim grins.
“You so are.”
“Shut up,” says Jay, feeling bold, “I bet you are, anyway.”
“Why?”
“Because no-one has ever got laid wearing a t-shirt like that.”
Tim laughs.
“What’s wrong with my t-shirt?”
Jay looks at it. It’s yellow and covered in different coloured splotches, like paint’s been thrown at it.
“Nothing. It’s a great t-shirt. You should just never wear it ever again.”
“Is this your way of saying you want me to take my shirt off?”
“No, it’s my way of saying you look like a Picasso.”
Tim blows smoke in Jay’s face, laughs when Jay hits him. Then he stops laughing and looks at him like he’s seeing him for the first time.
“You’re a funny one,” Tim says.
Jay looks down. He’s been called weird before, he gets it. He’s awkward, and he’s a loner, and he always has been.
Tim leans over, whispers, right against Jay’s ear, “I like it.”
Jay smiles, isn’t sure he believes him.
“You’re the first.”
“Well, firsts are meant to be special.”
Jay laughs, rolls his eyes.
“Come on, that was good,” says Tim, “Good enough for you to give me your phone number, actually.”
“I don’t know about that.”
Tim runs the back of his hand up Jay’s arm, down, back up again.
“Yeah you do.”
Jay sighs, gives in, like he was always going to.
“Fuck, okay.”
Tim grins in triumph, hands over his phone.
“Just – just stop doing that,” says Jay, because Tim keeps touching him and he can hardly remember his number, or how to breathe.
“What, this?” says Tim, doesn’t stop.
Jay does his best to ignore him, saves his name in Tim’s phone as Harassment Victim #4, hands the phone back. Tim looks at the screen, smiles.
“Do you have a name to go with all that sarcasm?”
Jay shrugs.
“Maybe if you’re good.”
“Yeah,” says Tim, “I don’t do that.”
“Oh, you’re such a bad boy,” says Jay, and he means it to come out more mocking than it does.
Tim sucks on his cigarette, looks at him, straight-faced, says, “You bet it, baby.”
They make it about two seconds before they burst into laughter.
“Tell me, come on,” says Tim, “I’ll call you baby until you do.”
“I can live with that.”
“Oh, I bet you can. I bet you like it. I bet there’s a whole lot of other things you’d like me to do to you.”
Jay’s not sure if Tim’s joking, but his hand is on Jay’s leg and he’s way too close and Jay really, really hopes he isn’t, and –
This, of course, is the moment that Alex chooses to lean his head out of the window, yell, “BEER PONG, MOTHERFUCKERS!”
They instinctively spring apart, and Alex gives them a knowing look as he goes back inside, bashing his head on the window frame in the process.
“Right, well, that was a mood killer,” says Jay, but he’s smiling.
“OH MY GOD!” Alex shouts, “JAY’S GETTING LUCKY WITH THAT RANDOM DUDE BRIAN BROUGHT ALONG!”
There is a chorus of cheers from the house, followed by Brian yelling, “His name is Tim, you fucking idiot!” and a crowd of people cramming their faces against the window to watch. Jay resists the urge to bury his head in his hands.
“Jay,” Tim repeats, like he’s testing the word out in his mouth.
Jay nods. Tim stubs out his cigarette.
“Guess I didn’t have to be good at all,” he says, raising an eyebrow.
He gets up, holds out his hand, pulls Jay up. Doesn’t let go of Jay’s hand as he leads him further down the garden, away from the house.
“You’re awful.”
“– ly attractive.”
“Get out.”
“Oh, you didn’t deny it.”
“No, but I did tell you to go away.”
“You don’t want me to go anywhere. You gave me your number.”
“That was purely to create evidence against you in the upcoming sexual harassment case.”
“Yeah,” says Tim, crowds Jay in against the garden wall, “Not buying it.”
Jay has just enough time to think oh shit oh shit oh shit before Tim’s leaning down and –
“What the fuck?”
Seth’s dog – which for some reason, Seth brings everywhere (like literally everywhere, it went with him to Prom, they made an even odder couple than Jay and Alex) – is suddenly there and being sick on Jay’s shoes.
“Did they feed him weed again?” says Jay, exasperated enough that for a second he forgets about missing out on his first kiss with Brian’s hot friend.
His first kiss with anyone. Oh God, he’s so lame.
“Wow, er,” he stammers, moving away from Tim, “This is like, really awkward. I’m gonna go inside and like, wash? So yeah, that’s, that’s happening.”
Jay smiles, all but flees inside the house. And it’s totally sad but yeah, he locks himself in the bathroom and washes his shoes in the bath and desperately tries not to hyperventilate.
When he finally, finally calms down he looks at his phone and, shit, he’s been there for forty-five minutes and he’s so embarrassed and now Tim is never going to call and he’s never going to see him again and –
There’s a knock at the door.
“You want any company in there?”
Jay freezes. Takes a deep breath. Then he slides the bolt open.