Chapter Text
MJ created a group chat.
MJ added Ned Leeds, Betty Brant, Flash Thompson, Abe Brown, and Cindy Moon.
MJ named the group chat, Parker is Shady AF.
MJ: Share your findings here, nerds.
Ned Leeds changed their name to Ned.
Ned: Don’t act like your better than us.
MJ: You’re*
Ned:
Betty Brant changed their name to Wanna Bet(ty).
Wanna Bet(ty): What’s so shady about Peter?
MJ: He literally disappears at random times with the dumbest excuses.
Flash Thompson: yeah penis is pretty dumb
Flash Thompson changed their name to Fastest Man Alive.
MJ: I will not hesitate to kill you Eugene.
Ned: Peter has doctor appointments.
MJ: Ned stop covering for him.
Abe Brown changed his name to Abraham Lincoln.
Abraham Lincoln: So hear me out, I think he’s a stripper.
Cindy Moon: wtf
Wanna Bet(ty):
Abraham Lincoln is typing...
Abraham Lincoln: I saw him changing in the locker room, and he has abs of freaking steel. What do you need upper body strength for? Stripping.
Fastest Man Alive: that’s gay lol
MJ: Parker is too shy to be a stripper.
Cindy Moon: Some people put on different personalities when they work, though.
Wanna Bet(ty) is typing...
Wanna Bet(ty): It would make sense, last year Peter would never have cash on him, but yesterday I saw him pull out a wad of cash.
Ned: That’s from the internship!
MJ: I thought internships are unpaid.
Cindy Moon: ^
Wanna Bet(ty): ^
Abraham Lincoln: ^
MJ: So Parker is a stripper.
Ned: He’s really not.
MJ named the group chat, Parker’s a Stripper.
Wanna Bet(ty): Should we tell someone?
Cindy Moon: We don’t want to overwhelm him, maybe he’ll come to us for help.
Ned: Guys, he’s not a stripper!
Wanna Bet(ty): Then what else would he be doing?
Ned is typing…
Wanna Bet(ty): Well?
Ned left.
Abraham Lincoln: hjdffcnehsusbcjskwk
Wanna Bet(ty): That confirms it, Peters a Stripper and Ned is covering for him.
Fastest Man Alive: damn he really do be making that hard cash
2 Bros chilling in a hot tub, 5 feet apart because they’re not gay.
Bro 1: Peter, I’m so sorry I panicked.
Bro 2: Ned, what are you talking about?
Bro 1: Everybody thinks you’re a stripper.
Bro 2: WHat
Bro 2 is calling Bro 1…
Call answered...
“Ned, why does everyone think I’m a stripper?”
“Ned?”
“Wellmjcreatedagroupchatbecauseyoualwaysdisappearbecauseofspidermanandabemetionedthatyourerippedandonethingledtoanotherandnoweveryonethinksyoureastripper.”
“ Repeat that more slowly for me?”
“Well MJ created a group chat because you always disappear and then Abe mentioned that you’re ripped and one thing led to another and now everyone thinks you're a stripper.”
“Is that why Betty sent me a text with a “How to Reach out to Loved ones” pamphlet attached?”
“Probably”
Bro 2 has ended the call…