Chapter Text
“We are sorry to inform you that your husband Matthew..”
“He died at the scene Mr Dingle there was nothing more that we could have done..”
“We would like to celebrate the life of the Mr Mathew Dingle..”
“A loving husband, and a father to two, wonderful children..”
“What am I suppose to do without him?!?”
“Your children, that’s your main priority now”
“Pull it together Aaron!”
“We need ya!”
“Think of your family!”
“He was my family!”
“Aaron!”
“Mr Dingle”
“DADDY! “
With a gasp hitting the back of his throat Aaron springs up into a sitting position, eyes wide with his breath becoming heavy. He looks around the room to see darkness, just a gleam of light coming through the peak of the curtains.
Ah, just another nightmare then.
With heavy breaths Aaron pushes the cover off his legs and runs his fingers across his now sweaty face and damp hair. This hasn’t happened in a while, this type of nightmare hasn’t happened in a while. The nightmares about Matthew have settled down for a while now.
Matthew
His husband
Two years ago Aaron received the heartbreaking call that his husband died at a scene of a car accident two years. A lorry driver hitting his side of the car as he was pulling out of a junction. Aaron couldn’t handle the fact that in a flash him being happily married with a family was gone, and now he was a grieving husband with his two children, trying to carry on in the world.
He couldn’t handle it at first, the stares, the ‘I’m sorry for your loss’, the sympathetic stares and smiles sent his way as he walked by. He didn’t want that, he wanted his husband here, but that couldn’t happen. So he just wanted to grieve by himself with his children.
But with his family, having time alone was a miracle to have.
Arguments were made, regretful words were said, and strains were put on relationships. But his family listen to him now...sometimes.
Matthew was Aaron’s world, their six year relationship was the best thing that ever happened to him. Matthew accepted him, loved him for his flaws and his temper, and knew the ins and outs about everything. But now it’s just him, alone, with a dull ache in his chest that keeps going round each day and Aaron some days just doesn’t know how to accept that.
But he gets by, just him and his two children.
Speaking of his children.
Aaron lifts his head as the bedroom door creaks open, his little girl Amy poking her head through the door. She was the spit of Matthew, with her golden brown hair and green eyes. “Daddy?”
Aaron looks towards the clock and see the blaring red lights showing that it was five in the morning, meaning his daughter was up two hours early. “What you doing up early sweetheart?”
“Can’t sleep daddy”
Aaron pats the spot next to him on the bed, and Amy quietly steps in making her way towards the bed, holding her little pink teddy bear in her hand, a present she got from him and Matthew when she was born.
She always brings it to bed, she can’t sleep without it.
Aaron wraps his arms around her as she makes her way up into the bed into a spot next to him “why can’t you sleep hmm?” He hums, pulling up the covers to wrap around the both of them.
His daughter gives him a shrug of her shoulders, and Aaron sighs pressing a kiss on her head “bad dream?” He tries to ask, and there was a few moments of peace before he felt her nod against his t-shirt and Aaron heart breaks of his three year old having bad dreams at her age. He wraps his arms around tighter, feeling her tiny hands grip his t-shirt.
When Matthew died, the kids were too young to understand what death was with Amy being one and their son, Oliver only being three at the time. When they started to ask questions, Aaron had to hold back tears as he told them they their other daddy was watching them in the stars, and they were making him so proud. There were moments of silence and then there was some crying, and Aaron gather them into his lap as he shared memories of how much they were loved by their papa Matthew.
He still reminds them of him now, reminds them of the good memories.
He promised himself after his lovers death that his kids would be his main priority, making sure that they were safe, happy and loved. Of course that affects things, like his job, which some people weren’t too pleased about. But Aaron didn’t care, as long as his children were smiling.
He wanted to be Matthew to be proud of him, proud of their children.
And it wasn’t easy at first, their were moments where Aaron couldn’t handle it, just wanting to run. But he’s getting there now, he has routine. He’s getting there..slowly.
“The monster was really scary daddy” Amy whispers quietly into his chest, as if the monster could hear her if she spoken any louder. Aaron lets out a soft chuckle, as they both lay down to settle into the mattress, Amy cuddled into her father side.
“Well don’t you worry” Aaron replies in a soft tone, he looks down at her with a small smile “no monsters will get you here”
She looks up “because you here daddy?”
Aaron smiles down at her “yeah” he whispers, running his fingers through her hair “I'm not gonna let anybody hurt you”
He looks over at the clock to see that it’s now half five, and he tells his daughter to go back to sleep for an hour before needing to get up for school. But she shakes her head, and Aaron knows she’s scared that the monsters will come back for her.
“Daddy’s here now remember?” He tightens his arms around her, like a protective shield “and remember your painting today at school, you like painting don’t ya?”
She nods and Aaron continues to speak “well then you must sleep otherwise you’ll be really tired.” Aaron sees a small pout protrude on her lips, he gives her an exaggerated pout back “for me?” He says in a overdramatic voice, which brings Amy out into a fit of giggles.
She nods her head as she snuggles back down into her fathers side and Aaron sighs laying his head back against the pillows. As her breath evens out, Aaron turns his head to watch the clock go by, minute by minute.
He won’t sleep now,
But he closes his eyes, just to rest them.
~~~
The kettle boils and Aaron picks it up to make his cup of coffee for this morning, with how much sleep he had gotten he knows he gonna need more than one cup to get through the work he has to do today.
But hopefully this cup will get him through the morning.
The kids are at the kitchen table eating there breakfast, some toast that nearly burnt, but Aaron just caught it on time. It’s funny how the kids were use to the burnt toast in the mornings now, knowing that daddy Aaron wasn’t a that good at cooking.
Matthew was the cook of the house, but Aaron had to admit he could make a pretty good fry up.
Picking up his coffee he turns to join his children at the table “you ready for school today?”
His son nods rapidly, his eyes wide as he exclaims “we playing football today daddy!”
Oliver was just like Aaron, with his piercing blue eyes and his love for sport. He was more loud than Amy, he liked to talk, liked to make conversation. Amy was more quiet, more reserved than her brother.
Aaron think it’s just because she’s young, she got a lot more time to grow he thinks.
“Well that’s great bud” Aaron replies with a smile, “make sure you keep focused, and no fighting the other team today okay?” He does not need another phone call from the school saying his son has been a fight again.
Oliver nods, and Aaron raises his his closed first so his son can fist bump his hand before he goes back to eating his food. Aaron turns to Amy “you okay sweetheart?” He asks quietly.
She nods, and Aaron runs fingers through her hair with a soft smile “you excited to paint today?”
“Yes daddy”
“Make sure it’s colourful”
“With lots of colours daddy!”
Aaron softly laughs at her daughter enthusiasm about colours, and settles back into his seat as his kids finish up their breakfast.
“Daddy?”
“Yes Oliver”
“What’s gonna happen now Sue not here anymore?”
Ah, now that’s a problem.
Sue has been the families babysitter for years now, ever since Oliver was one and has been a part of this family for years now. Helping out when Aaron or Matthew were in work and the kids are at home from school, or staying overnight when the husbands had a special business event to attend. She’s been there for Aaron these past two years, pulling him back into line when he fell off, talk to him when he needed a cry.
Aaron would say that she is another mother, in his life.
But she was getting older, and wanted to settle down with her husband and her cat Misty. Aaron understood, she’s been with them for years now, and he knew she had to go at some point, but he didn’t know if he was gonna find anyone like Sue, someone who could take care of the kids as well as she did. The kids were upset, of course they would be, and tantrums and cries were thrown through the house. But they’re calm now, they’ve accepted it.
But it’s gonna be hard, finding someone to replace her.
“Well daddy’s gonna go out and find someone else?” Aaron replies, and a small sad huff comes out of Oliver’s mouth. Aaron sighs and pulls Oliver onto his lap, “buddy I know your upset, but daddy’s gonna find someone who’ll take extra care of you too just like Sue did”
“Will they read us bedtime stories?”
“And watch movies with us”
“And paint”
“And-”
“Yes, yes and yes” Aaron says with a laugh, tickling both of his children falling into a fit giggles “I’m gonna find someone who will do just that” he looks at the clock, “right up you two go to brush your teeth, I’ll follow up now to help”
“Okay daddy” Oliver slides off his lap and starts to make his way out of the kitchen, Amy hops of her seat “I’m gonna miss her daddy” she says as she walks out after her brother.
Aaron smiles after her “yeah” he says, mostly to himself “I’m gonna miss her too”
Aaron glances to the wall, and look at the pictures going across of it. Some of him and Matthew, some of his family, some when Oliver and Amy were born. All the smiles, the happiness, the love.
I miss you, Matthew
Aaron sighs and gets out of his seat, dropping his cup in the sink before following his children upstairs, steps becoming quicker when he hears his daughter shriek of laughter.
This is his life now, and maybe it’s not the way he planned, but it is.
He’s just getting by, day by day.