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The act of poofing was a delicate thing, a moment where existence is dangled dangerously close to death.
It was a harrowing experience. She had described it as a suspended feeling of doubt, whether or not you would awaken from inside yourself. A complete lack of sense outside of your mind and body, condemned to a world of nothingness; a poofed gem was a lost gem, not fully in existence any longer. When Pearl had described this to Steven she hadn’t considered the tone of her words or the impact they had. Steven was plagued by images of such horror for days afterward. Steven had begun paying more attention to his gem family during missions, anxiety tying up his insides. He had become more focused than a ten-year-old had any right to be.
Pearl had made a point of explaining the dangers of Steven’s future to ensure he kept his safety a priority. Steven had to admit, the fear she drilled into him made him all too self-aware during missions; every slice of a blade, sound of explosion and yell of frustration had him on his toes. Feverishly keeping track of every gem, making sure they were still intact; they had to stay safe, he knew, and he could help prevent such a terrifying experience. Even if he’d never gone through it himself, it was so very important to protect himself at all times.
He’d lost a lot of sleep that month.
He’d calmed down after a while, the threat of poofing lessening the more he learned about his powers. His incoming strength would be scary but so relieving; he could finally protect his family the way they needed him to. He didn’t know what the future held for him, whether it be more pain or needed peace, but he was adamant about making it a safer place for every gem. Nobody deserved to go through what they had during the war, a multitude of gems suspended in self-contained purgatory. Steven had spent a long time considering the bubbled gems in the temple, an even longer time parked outside the door. He never liked it when his thoughts became so conflicted, twisted together like sticky spaghetti. He hated leaving the bubbled gems like that; they were trapped under his roof and inside their own minds.
Eventually, they all fell into a hesitant state of security. The beach was quiet for weeks at a time, only minor occurrences calling for action. The Crystal Gems had calmed in their obsessive search for problems and resolution, allowing Steven to simply sit with them on the couch for days at a time and enjoy a moment of rest. The gems were content to sit still, the ocean the loudest source of sound to be found.
Garnet had lied down with him one night. He was tucked in tight, a typical Steven Burrito. His Cookie Cat nightlight flicked to life on his wall, pink reflecting off her visor.
“I see such a bright future for you, Steven,” Garnet had said, her warmth against his side. She brushed his curls from his forehead. “A bright light ahead, never too blinding. We are all very proud of the gem you are becoming. Steven Universe,” she pressed her smile to his head. “What a sight you are.”
Steven, warmed inside and out, fell asleep only knowing peace and comfort. Grounded to the earth he rested, the Crystal Gems never far behind him.
.
When it finally happened, all he saw was white. The deed was done quickly, a sword through her form. A burst of light and a shout of fright, she melted into the air. Pearl had poofed.
“Pearl!” He rushed to grab her gem from the ground. He felt his lungs shrink in his chest. “…Pearl?”
Steven didn’t know if she could hear him or if she felt his chubby hands over her gem. He held her to his chest, shaking. The sharp words of Pearl rang through his ears, her recounting the horrors of being poofed; lost inside your own gem, alone and afraid. He remembered how she looked at him, scolding him into taking her seriously. He was not to be poofed, he knew, Pearl wanted to spare him from such pain while so young. Yet, as he sat there, Pearl clutched to his chest, he wished he could be in there with her. Steven didn’t want her to be alone.
Steven kept her with him the whole day. Amethyst has tried to reassure him that poofing wasn’t all that bad. She tried to laugh it off, poking the iridescent gem with her finger.
“It’s all a part of the job, Steve-o. Gems, mostly Pearl, have been poofed like, a hundred different times. This probably doesn’t bother her anymore.” She shrugged, a stack of bread halfway in her mouth. “Doesn’t bother me.”
Steven didn’t care. He knew that a team—a family—didn’t leave each other behind. And, he was ready to prove to Pearl how reliant he could be, that he could be her rock. He sat her down on his nightstand, a dull ring of light forming in the dark. “I know it’s scary. But, you don’t have to be alone this time.” He pulled his blanket to his chin, a washcloth tucked around the pearl. “I know I wouldn’t wanna be.”
Pearl’s gem was gone in the morning. He rushed down the stairs and his brief panic was squashed a by a hug, pulling him off the last few steps.
“See!” Amethyst called across the room. “ ’S all good, Steeman!”
He ignored her and Garnet’s presence, silently holding onto Pearl. She was quiet and firm in his grasp. Steven took a much-needed breath, the air coming easily. “Please don’t do that again,” he whispered into her dress, face smushed. “I was…I was worried about you.”
“I know, Steven.” She said, softly. She was running her hands through his hair. “But, these things can be avoided. Vigilance is very important for a gem, especially one as…special as you.”
He knew.
“Next time we will be more careful, precise.” She chirped in his ear. “We—you cannot afford to make silly mistakes as I have made. You need to understand the importance of staying safe, Steven; of staying alive.”
He understood this very well.
“You can’t…promise me,” Pearls grip was tight, he felt trapped. “Promise me to be good, Steven. If something like this happens again… I need you to stay aware, make sure there is no sword to your back. We need you to lead in battle if—if something were to happen to us.”
She pulled him away, eyes boring into his. “You were so strong yesterday, today. Promise me you will remain brave.”
He nodded, eyes wet. “Of course, Pearl I—I’m always gonna have your back. Always, you—you know that.” He tried out a smile, glancing at the other gems. “You guys need me too, that’s—that’s what I know. I know how to be strong, for real this time. I’ll be good.”
Steven felt his heart pick up pace, burning in his chest. “I’ll be good.” He repeated, “I’ll be…” His fists were clenched.
“I’ll be strong for you.”
The gems smiled, satisfied. The peace seemed to settle back into place, the beach house still once more. Steven returned the gesture and it felt like a different kind of wrong. But, it was all okay now, they were back together. They were okay.
And Steven continued to follow the gems into the next day, never knowing what will come next, but knowing one day he could be fighting alone.