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Stan always thought his Uncle Jimbo was weird. He was fifty-one years old and didn’t have a girlfriend, he shot innocent animals for fun, and the only person he ever hung out with was his one-armed war buddy, Ned. Speaking of which, Ned was pretty weird too; with his robotic voice and blank expression hidden behind his shades - Stan was convinced he was a robot until he was seven years old. He knew that his uncle was weird, but he never guessed that he was gay.
It was surprising enough to hear that Jimbo was finally getting married - but to find out that the bride wasn’t even a bride; but Ned, of all people?! Stan couldn’t believe what he was hearing from his mother, to which Shelly facepalmed and shook her head.
“Oh my God, Stan, you are such an idiot. How did you not know they were together?” she asked, each word coming out in a slur against her braces.
“How was I supposed to know?!” Stan asked.
“Everyone knows. God, you are such a turd,”
“Shut up, Shelly!” Stan shouted, only to be met with bared teeth and a fist hanging threateningly in the air. He flinched and decided to shut up before Shelly could decide to go through with her threat. It had been a while since she gave him a beating, and he preferred it to stay that way.
“That’s enough, you two,” Sharon said sternly, interrupting the sibling rivalry. “It doesn’t matter whether or not you knew he’s gay. The wedding is in May and we’re all invited. It’s just going to be us and a few friends. I think Kyle and his family will be coming, too,”
Stan’s demeanor brightened at the mention of his best friend’s name. He felt relieved that he wouldn’t have to be alone with the metal-mouthed monster he called his big sister the entire time.
“Oh, and Stan. Uncle Jimbo would like you to be the ring bearer,”
“What’s that?” Stan asked, to which Shelly rolled her eyes.
“You bring the rings on a pillow down the aisle and give them to the couple,” she explained, her words slow and dragged out as if he wouldn’t understand otherwise.
“Why does he want me to do that?”
“Because you’re his only nephew, Stan. He loves you - Ned does too, even if he doesn’t really show it. Or, really any emotion at all.” Sharon said with a snort.
The more Stan thought about it, the more Jimbo and Ned’s relationship began to make sense. Since when was the last time he saw his uncle hanging out with a woman? The only woman he could think of was Sharon, but they were family, so it didn’t really count. Wherever Jimbo went, Ned was by his side; it was a rare sight to see one without the other. Not only that, but they also lived in a cabin together - God, how did he not realize it sooner? Did Kyle know about this too, and he was just too much of a dumbass to notice?
“Do I have to?” Stan asked.
“Oh my God, don’t be such a sissy. It’s not that hard,” Shelly said. Stan silently cursed her for having the sisterly ability to read into his thoughts.
“Shelly,” Sharon snapped, flashing her daughter a warning look. “Jimbo would be pretty sad if ya didn’t. I know it sounds like a big responsibility - I can help you practice. I know you’ll do great, though,”
Stan nodded, even though his mother’s words of encouragement didn’t ease his worries.
“You won't be the only one to go up there, Shelly and I will be bridesmaids -”
“What!” Shelly exclaimed, lunging forward. “Ugh, mom, do I really have to?”
“Yes, Shelly, you do. There’s no point in arguing about it,” Shelly threw herself back against the couch and slid down with a groan. Stan smirked, feeling a sense of payback.
“What about Dad?” he asked.
“He’ll be the best man,”
Stan peered through the kitchen entrance to see Randy sitting at the kitchen table, a beer in hand, as usual. He found it odd that he had been absent in sharing the big news with Sharon. Jimbo was his half-brother, naturally he would be happy for him, right?
“How does Dad feel about this?” he asked.
Stan could see his mother’s shoulders visibly tense at the question; Shelly shifted uncomfortably next to him, looking annoyed but remaining silent.
Sharon sighed. “Well, it’s complicated, Stan. Some people get... uncomfortable at the idea of same-sex couples - especially men, loving each other. And your dad can be like that sometimes,”
“But why? He looked pretty happy when Tweek and Craig came out,” Stan asked, confused.
It had been a month since the two elementary schoolers became a couple, and the whole town still wouldn’t shut up about it. No matter where Stan went, there was bound to be someone was always talking about the first gay kid couple, and he wanted to rip his fucking ears off. Wherever Tweek and Craig went, everyone would begin pointing and whispering like giddy children, as if they wouldn’t notice. Stan felt bad for the newfound couple sometimes.
“Like I said; it’s complicated. There are some people who are pretty open towards homosexuality until it actually happens to them,”
“That’s stupid,” Stan said.
“It is,”
“That turd should just learn to accept it and get over it,” Shelly said, crossing her arms.
A quiet noise resembling a chuckle escaped Sharon’s lips. “You shouldn’t call him that. But, yeah, I agree.”
And with that, the conversation was over. Sharon returned to the kitchen to resume dinner and Shelly retreated back to her room, leaving Stan alone on the couch to process everything. How could his father not be happy for Jimbo? After all these years, he was finally getting married! Sure, it was to Ned, which did come off as a surprise at first, but what difference did it make? As long as Jimbo was happy, shouldn’t Randy be happy too?
That night, Stan lied in bed as he blankly stared at the white ceiling, unable to fall asleep for a reason he couldn’t figure out. Maybe he was just nervous about being the ring bearer. He could hear the TV playing downstairs in the living room, the bluish glow of the screen shining against the walls through his cracked-open door. His mother was talking in a hushed voice, but still clear enough to hear.
“It’s really not that big of a deal,” Sharon said.
“What is?” he heard Randy ask.
“The wedding,”
“Oh, yeah, I know,”
“Then why were in the kitchen looking all depressed while I told the kids about it?” Sharon asked, a hint of annoyance in her tone. All Stan could hear for a while was the music and talking coming from the television. “You’re clearly uncomfortable with it,”
“I’m not, Sharon. He’s my brother - I love him. It’s okay for him to be gay as long as he doesn’t do it in public,”
A loud pair of angry footsteps headed for the stairs; Stan knew it was Sharon.
“You’re fucking unbelievable - you’re sleeping on the couch tonight.” Sharon stomped up the stairs, passed Stan’s room, and shut their bedroom door with a little more force than necessary. Stan sighed; sometimes he felt like he was the actual adult compared to his screw up of a father.
*****
Recess couldn’t have come sooner. Stan walked out into the playground side by side with Kyle, Cartman and Kenny; relieved to be free from the stresses of school for a while. The playground was bustling with kids from all grades, as usual. The cold Colorado air blew against Stan, managing to slip through his many layers of clothes and touch his bare skin. Despite growing up in such weather, he couldn’t help but shiver.
“So what do you guys wanna do?” Kyle asked, his breath forming into little, clear clouds before him.
“I don’t know,” Kenny said, his voice extremely muffled behind his orange sweatshirt hood.
“Did you guys know that my Uncle Jimbo’s gay?” Stan asked out of the blue. The other boys stared at him with the same confused look.
“Uh, yeah, my dad is going to be a groomsman,” Kyle said with one red eyebrow arched upwards.
“My dad’s going, too,” Kenny said. “I had no idea, though. He’s so… the total opposite of what you think as gay,”
“I know, right?” Stan asked, relieved to know he wasn’t the only one who didn’t know.
“Wait, why do you ask? Don’t tell me you’re gonna start bragging about having a gay uncle now,” Kyle said.
“What? No, that’s not it at all! It’s just -” Stan sighed, his father’s words echoing in his mind. “Never mind, it’s nothing,”
“Oh,” Cartman nudged Kenny and pointed ahead of them before Kyle could ask anymore questions. “Speaking of homos,” Stan’s eyes followed the direction he was pointing to to see Tweek and Craig walking hand-in-hand towards the playground. The shouting and screams of the kids quickly shifted into points and whispers as the newfound couple went along their way; the asain girls looked like they were on the verge of exploding into a fit of loud and annoying squeals. Stan rolled his eyes - they’d been together for a month now, people needed to calm the fuck down.
“Dude, don’t point at them,” Kyle said to Cartman, who still had his finger out towards the two.
Cartman lowered his hand, glaring at Kyle with knives and daggers. “Don’t tell me what to do, Jew,”
“Shut up, fat-ass!”
“Hey, don’t call me fat! I’m just big-boned -”
Cartman and Kyle’s argument continued down a familiar route, but Stan wasn’t paying attention. He watched Tweek and Craig as they headed for an empty swing set near the edge of the playground, chatting about something Stan couldn’t hear as if the whole school wasn’t gossiping about them. They were a gay couple; just like Jimbo and Ned. An idea suddenly came to mind.
“I’ll be right back,” Stan said, heading off before his friends could say anything.
“Where’s he going?” he heard Kyle ask.
“Probably going to Tweek and Craig to get some relationship advice for him and Kyle,” Cartman said as he probably nudged Kyle with his stupid, shit-eating grin.
Tweek and Craig swung back and forth through the air by the time Stan caught up with them. Craig’s feet pointed up towards the sky as he seemed to be trying to reach as high as the swing could handle while Tweek was barely off the ground, his feet occasionally dragging against the somewhat-brown snow. Stan shoved his hands into his coat pockets and stood, feeling awkward as he realized they may have wanted to be alone.
“Hey, dude,” Craig said, his nasally voice growing fainter as he swung back.
“Hey, um, can I ask you guys something?”
“You fine with that, babe?” Stan realized Craig was asking Tweek.
“S-Sure,” Tweek said. It was only then that Stan noticed that he wasn’t twitching, not even a little. Now that he thought about it, he couldn’t recall ever seeing the over-caffeinated blonde have his random spasms whenever he was beside Craig.
“Okay, so, my uncle Jimbo -”
“The fat guy who owns the gun shop?” Craig asked, interrupting Stan, who nodded.
“I-I always worried he was gonna try to shoot me,” Tweek muttered.
“You worry about everything, babe,”
“So, anyway, he’s getting married -”
“Is it the one-armed guy?” Craig asked, interrupting Stan yet again.
“Ned, yeah. How did you know?”
Craig shrugged. “I always thought they were a thing,”
“Me too,” Tweek said.
“They’re getting married and my dad is being a dick about it. I feel like I can’t even mention it to him. And I thought since you’re a gay couple, you’d - maybe know a way to make him feel better about about it?”
Craig’s feet hit the ground, causing little crystalized specks of snow to fly everywhere. He was now at the same level as Tweek, occasionally being pushed forward by the wind.
“Dude, we have no idea what we’re doing,”
“Huh?”
“I mean, we’ve been dating for a month and we’re still trying to figure things out. Hell, I didn’t even know I liked Tweek until after we started dating,” Craig said, dragging a hand through the bangs that peeked from under his hat. “Being a couple is a lot harder than I thought - especially when the whole school is gossiping about you every time you enter the damn room. And we fight a lot, too,”
“Hey! Y-You’re the one who’s always starting it!” Tweek said, crossing his arms only to immediately grip the swings’ chains again, as if he was at any risk of falling off.
“Look, I’m sorry I even brought it up. It’s not your problem,” Stan said, his cheeks growing hot as he walked away. He stopped in his tracks as Tweek objected.
“W-We’re not mad at you, dude. We wanna help. I-I’m really not good at giving advice, but Craig is,”
“You doubt yourself too much, babe,” Craig said. “But I can try,”
“So, what should I do?”
“Well, gay weddings are no different than straight weddings. Them getting married shouldn’t change anything. You’ll still be family - even if your dad isn’t totally okay with it, and the truth is, he may never be,”
“Y-Your dad eventually accepted you,” Tweek pointed out.
“Yeah, thank God,”
“Some people are able to change their ways - but honestly, most people can’t,” Tweek said, his words clear and free from stuttering. “Your uncles had the courage to even have a wedding in the first place, to share their love for each other with the world. And if your dad can’t feel happy for them, well, then it’s a shame on him.”
Stan nodded, surprised to hear such wise words coming from his normally anxious friend. “I think I understand now. Thanks.” And with that, he walked off to return to the others, feeling a little better. He still felt torn knowing that his father may never change his mindset; but he wouldn’t let that stop him from supporting his uncles, no matter how his father felt.
*****
Soon the flowers and the leaves on the trees began to bloom, signaling that May had arrived. The South Park Church had been rented out for the occasion. Colors danced along the wooden floor as the sun shone through the somewhat disturbing images on the stained glass windows, and the whole place smelled like dust and lingering incense. Stan and the rest of the wedding party stood at the end of the room where the long, red carpet in the center of the aisle began. He nervously shifted his feet in his avocado green tuxedo. Jimbo and Ned’s engagement rings sat on the cushy, purple pillow he held; they beamed like golden stars in the sunlight and nearly blinded Stan. He was told not to start until the music started playing, but the longer he remained still, the more nervous he got.
Father Maxi stood at the altar with a bible in hand. Stan figured he’d be the pastor; considering the fact that he was the only priest and person probably legally qualified to wed people in their redneck mountain town. Neither Ned or Jimbo were to be seen. The guests weren’t impressive in numbers, the majority being drinking buddies and a few unlikely faces like Mr. Garrison. Stan realized that no one from Ned’s family had shown up on his big day and wondered why. Did they even know he was getting married? Stan found himself feeling angry as he began to understand just how much the reality of Jimbo and Ned’s situation must have fucking sucked.
The room grew silent as Peter Gabriel’s “Book of Love” began to play on the piano. Being the best man, Randy was the first of the wedding party to walk down the aisle. The groomsmen and bridesmaids walked down the aisle and took their places on each side of the altar, which meant that Stan was next.
With a sickening feeling in his stomach, Stan took a deep breath and marched down the aisle. He took his time with his steps like he practiced, but now he wished he could walk faster and get it over with. He avoided making direct eye contact with anyone as he walked by, praying that he didn’t look as panicked as he felt. Quit being a pussy, there aren’t even that many people, he silently told himself in a desperate attempt to calm his nerves. Kyle sat with his parents near the front; he mouthed “You’re doing great,” as he gave Stan a wave. All Stan could do was smile; Kyle had been there to help him practice whenever he freaked out about it while they hung out, and it seemed to finally be paying off.
Stan let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding once he made it to the altar. It was then he saw Jimbo and Ned. Jimbo wore a black tuxedo with a white button-up shirt peeking from underneath; he was missing his puffy ball cap, revealing his balding brown hair. Ned sported a blackish-gray tux, the sleeve on his left arm tied at the end of the stub. Even on his wedding day, he wore his signature shades and black bandana. Their arms were linked together as they stepped down the aisle. Stan had seen Ned smile before, but it was always vague and easy to miss without paying attention. Ned’s smile was wide, his lips occasionally parting and revealing his white teeth. Jimbo’s smile was broad and goofy; and it only seemed to grow with each occasional loving glance. Even though Stan had never seen his uncles act so openly towards one another, it felt natural to him - like that’s how they’d always been.
Stan couldn’t help but watch Randy, who watched his half-brother and his fiance with a small smile on his face. But Stan knew it was all a facade, which only pissed him off more. I’ll never be like him, he vowed to himself.
The music ceased once they were at the altar. Jimbo and Ned unlinked their arms and turned to face each other as Father Maxi cleared his throat and began to read out the opening words. The speech became a blur to Stan as he watched Jimbo and Ned. The two gazed at each other lovingly with wide, goofy smiles; Stan wondered if they were even paying attention to the speech. He had never seen either of them look so happy before.
“I ask you now to say your vows,”
Jimbo’s hands fumbled through his pockets and he pulled out a folded paper. The paper crinkled loudly as he unfolded it; Stan peeked to see sloppy handwriting all over it.
“Ned, I wasn’t sure how to feel when I first met you,” Jimbo said; Ned smirked. “I honestly thought you were kind of a show-off with how good of a sharpshooter you were. But you were always so humble about it - hell, with everything, really. That’s one of the things I soon started to love about you. You always had my back, even after Nam. I felt lost after the war, and you left everything behind; your parents, your friends, just for me,” Stan’s eyes darted to Randy, who held his hands behind him as he stared at the floor. “You helped me through the darkest time of my life - and you continue to as you stand by my side each day,”
The paper began to shake in Jimbo’s hands; his eyes suddenly looked glassy. Ned reached out his hand, only to lower it, his shades unable to hide his worried look.
“Damn it. Look at me, I’m getting all emotional,” Jimbo muttered, wiping one eye with the back of his hand. A noise from behind caught Stan’s attention. Randy had his head in his hands, his shoulders violently shaking. Gerald was patting him on the back with an understanding smile on his face. Stan realized that he was crying. “I’m just so happy that I get to be married to my best friend, and continue living my life with you everyday. I love you, buddy,” Jimbo wiped his eyes again. “God, that felt great to say,” Father Maxi shot him a warning look, but he didn’t take notice.
Ned smiled as he pulled out his voice box from his pant pocket. Bringing the box up to his throat, he pressed the button in the middle. “Jimbo,” he said, robotic as usual. “I’d risk life and limb for you,” A few repressed laughs came from the small crowd, as if they were all unsure whether it was a joke or poor word choice. The laugh from Jimbo made the answer clear. “Just like you did for me. You carried me all the way back to camp after I lost my arm. I’d probably be dead if you didn’t save my ass,” Ned lowered the box, allowing his voice a moment to rest. “I was going through a divorce when I left for the war. I felt lost, too. But you were there to help me feel purpose again. I vowed to someday help you like you helped me,” He took another short break. “That was the best decision I ever made in my life. And I love you too,”
Father Maxi gave the two one last disapproving glare before speaking. “And now, I ask the ring bearer to bring the rings,”
Stan stepped over and held the pillow out towards them. Jimbo and Ned shared a smile; Jimbo was the one to grab the rings from him.
“Thanks, kiddo,” he whispered. Stan nodded, standing for a moment too long until he realized he could return to his spot. Randy sniffed and grabbed his shoulder.
“I’m proud of you, Stan,” he whispered. Stan only nodded, unsure how to feel towards his father.
Jimbo slipped one ring through Ned’s finger, then Ned did the same to him and they held each other’s hands.
“Jimbo, do you take Ned to be your wedded husband to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to him so long as you both shall live?”
“I do!” Jimbo said, excitement clear in his voice.
“And Ned, do you take Jimbo -”
“Yes,” Ned said.
“You didn’t let me finish,” Father Maxi said, unamused.
“I’m just really excited,”
“Fine, then - if you’re so sure,” he muttered. “Then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you married at last. You may now kiss.”
Stan found his heart beating faster as his uncles stepped closer to one another. Jimbo extended his hand, placing it on Ned’s cheek. Ned held it as he rubbed his cheek into it. They leaned closer, until before Stan knew it their lips were together. It was a slow, gentle kiss. Stan wrinkled his nose, but only because they were his family, not because they were two guys. A chorus of cheers erupted in the small crowd; Randy began crying in an even more over-the-top way than before and Gerald was back to comforting him. Stan smiled - he had a feeling things were going to be just fine.