Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was stunning, really, just how evil the universe could be. Of course, the Paladins were all well aware of many of the atrocities humans were capable of- they’d all taken history classes back on Earth- but it was disheartening knowing that there were other species out there with just as much capacity for harming others as humans. And it wasn’t just the Galra. There were plenty of other alien civilizations that had been shown to have absolutely no compassion, all too willing to turn against allies and partake- not allow, but actually take a part of- in the brutalizing of other races. Or, even more shockingly, their own.

And Zarkon was hardly the only dictator they’d encountered.

The latest distress signal they'd received was reminiscent of the one they’d gotten from Olkarion in that there was a band of rebels hiding out away from the city trying to rid their people of a tyrannical leader. The main difference was that their leader had no ties to the Galra at all- he was just a crazed monster. According to the rebel leader, things had been deteriorating at an alarming rate recently; the emperor had moved on from imprisoning anyone who publicly opposed him to creating internment camps and locking countless citizens in them- anyone suspected of even associating with someone who was against him was subject to imprisonment. The result was nearly half the entire population incarcerated unfairly, and the other half too scared to do anything to resist. It left only a very small handful of people to try and set up a resistance.

While Shiro and Allura had initially had reservations about running into a new place and overthrowing a ruler (“we can’t just go around imposing our will on every planet we come across!”), after hearing some of the atrocities these people had been put through, even they had to admit they needed to step in and help. The leader was an absolute tyrant, there was no other way to put it.

The true extent of the emperor’s madness became clear when his failsafe was revealed.

A bomb, in the dead center of the most populous city on the tiny planet. Over eighty percent of the world’s population lived in the one area, and the sovereign of the planet had a plan to blow them all up, should anything arise that looked like it would truly threaten his reign.

Like if a giant robot came to liberate the countless thousands that he’d imprisoned.

And somehow, even after it became clear that Voltron was going to dethrone him, he managed to activate it.

Thankfully, they had already begun evacuating the concentration camps, and it was easy enough to convince the former prisoners to leave the city where they had so many dark memories. However, the sheer volume of citizens made it impossible for their small team to ensure everyone got out.

So they enlisted the help of the rebels. It didn’t ease the workload very much, but it was enough to free up Pidge and Allura to try and deactivate the explosive while Shiro, Hunk, Lance, and Keith were helping to clear out the city.

Just in case.

Everyone was on high alert as they worked. Shiro was in the Black Lion, directing Hunk, Lance, and Keith (who was in-between missions for the Blades and helping his old team in his down-time) on what to do. Pidge had her headset off so she could focus on the task at hand, trusting Allura to keep in contact with the others on her behalf.

The princess was anxious as she waited. She couldn’t exactly say why- she’d done this before, and she had every faith in Pidge. It was just impossible to shake the uneasy feeling she had that was insisting something was going to go wrong this time around.

She channeled that anxious energy into pacing and checking in on the others with unnecessary frequency.

“How is the evacuation going?” Allura asked over her comm for the nth time.

“Well, it’s going,” Shiro answered. He sounded like he was talking through his teeth. Allura could understand that- helping countless citizens evacuate a city could be stressful. “How are things on your end?”

“Um... Pidge, how are things?”

“Peachy.” Pidge also sounded like she was grinding her teeth. That was understandable as well- disarming a bomb that was meant to level an entire city could be extremely stressful. Asking questions probably wasn’t helping at all.

“Pidge says things are going ‘peachy’? I don’t know what that means, but there hasn’t been any fighting so far. She’s been able to work completely uninterrupted, and I think she’s making some progress-”

“I’d be making more progress if I weren’t being distracted every ten seconds!” Pidge snapped, startling Allura.

“R-right. Apologies. Shiro, we’ll radio you when we’re finished. You just focus on getting everyone out safely.”

“Got it. Be careful.”

Allura nodded absently, apparently not thinking about the fact that he couldn’t see her. Her eyes fell once again on Pidge. Anxious sweat was dripping down her neck, and the Altean wanted nothing more than to reach out and dab it away. But if Pidge had snapped when she was just being spoken to, Allura could only imagine her reaction if she were to be touched. No, the best thing to do right now would be to just do her job and watch out for sentries who might try and disrupt her.

Like the one turning the corner five feet away from them that was wielding a blaster.

Quiznak.

“Pidge-!”

Pidge turned around just in time to see Allura get sent flying into a wall, where she immediately fell to the ground groaning. A quick look back revealed a crown soldier charging at Allura with his gun aimed at her chest.

“Allura- ah, fuck,” Pidge muttered, starting to stand up. But then she remembered what she was supposed to be doing. Disarming the bomb. The bomb that was powerful enough to destroy everything within an almost-twenty mile radius. Including her and Allura. When she glanced back at it, she saw that it still had six minutes. Six more minutes. She could help Allura get rid of the soldier before that, and still disarm it. Growling, Pidge launched herself at the soldier’s back, wrapping her hands around his face and jerking it back as hard as she could. It worked a little too well, and he fell backwards on top of her. Her vision blurred momentarily when her head struck the ground, but she held fast.

“Get off of me!”

“Make me,” Pidge grunted, ignoring his hands clawing at hers as he tried to do just that. He tried slamming his head back into hers in an effort to loosen her grip. He smacked into her nose, and she felt it crunch; despite that, she still refused to let go. She wasn’t sure what shape Allura was in, and she wasn’t going to let go until she saw the Altean back up or she was knocked out. Pidge wouldn’t be able to handle the soldier and the bomb at the same time. She needed to hold out until her teammate got there.

“You- ouch! You can’t hang on forever!” She wasn’t giving quite as good as she got, but she was still giving pretty good. She continued to scratch at his eyes, and tried biting his neck and ears when he wasn’t bashing her head against the ground.

“I don’t- gotta,” Pidge said, her voice slurring as he threw his head back again. Despite her aching head and less-than desirable position, she was grinning. “Cause she’s gonna kick your ass.”

“Wha- no-” the loyalist cut off and redoubled his efforts to free himself of Pidge when he caught sight of Allura standing over him. It was only when Allura had grabbed a hold of his collar and was pulling him up that Pidge released her grip to flop down flat and pant.

She didn’t allow herself to rest for long, taking a few seconds to catch her breath, then forcing herself to her hands and knees and scrambling towards the bomb.

Two minutes. If she could just...

Before she could even start at it again, a strong hand was grabbing her collar from behind and hauling her up and away from the explosive. She could feel him winding up to throw her, and she tensed in preparation for the ache of her body hitting a building as best she could.

“Get your filthy hands off of her.” Allura’s voice was chillingly cold, drawing the attention of both Pidge and the soldier. Her bayard lit up an electric blue as it morphed into a crackling whip. Pidge found herself feeling jealous. She doubted she could ever look as badass as Allura looked in that moment. “Or you will regret it.”

The loyalist eyed the whip in her hand and glanced briefly down at Pidge. It seemed like he was trying to decide if she was worth it or not. After only a few seconds deliberation, Pidge was being dumped down to the ground.

But she couldn’t do anything quickly enough to stop him from drawing his blaster and shooting over at Allura.

“Allura! No!” Without a second thought, Pidge was launching herself under the soldier’s arms after her partner. There really wasn’t a plan in place- all she could think was ‘I gotta get to her before she gets hit.’ Whatever happened after that, they would just have to figure out as it went down. She felt her shoulder clip the soldier, and heard the gun go off right next to her ear.

Somehow she made it. Pidge’s arms flew around Allura’s neck, and they both tumbled to the ground. She was comforted when she felt one of Allura’s arms tighten around her waist. That meant that they were both alive. Alive meant they could do something to survive. When she looked up, Pidge could see that Allura’s arm- the one that wasn’t holding her- was limp, her shoulder apparently having been hit by the loyalist’s gun. And she must’ve hit her head at some point, because Allura also had a large gash on her forehead that left blood dripping down her face. Pidge felt a wave of guilt wash over her- if she had only been a bit quicker... “Are you okay?”

“I- yes?” Allura didn’t look too sure, but she answered, so Pidge was okay with it. It took a second for her eyes to widen when she remembered what they were doing there. “Pidge, the bomb!”

Gasping, Pidge stumbled up and scrambled over to where the explosive was set up. The soldier was no longer in sight. He must’ve figured the bomb would take care of them and split. Whatever, one less problem to deal with.

Thirty seconds.

She worked well under pressure. Always had. Pressure helped create adrenaline and adrenaline gave her brain an extra boost. Or that’s what Pidge told herself. It was actually just a piss-poor excuse to enable her procrastinating ways. But it worked. Usually.

Usually she didn’t have a severe concussion forming though.

Usually she wasn’t working with trembling hands and blurred vision.

And usually she wasn’t under the immense pressure of keeping an entire city from being blown to smithereens.

Six.

It was going to be close.

Five.

Too close.

Four.

She couldn’t do it.

Her eyes widened in horror as she realized that she wasn’t going to diffuse it in time. There were still countless citizens left in the city. The bomb was going to blow and decimate them all. She had failed all those people. How many of them were going to die because of her? Not that she would be around to deal with the fallout- she was going to die as well. The thought of not having to be accountable was only a very small comfort amid the chaos around them. All of the sudden, Pidge could feel Allura pulling her up to her feet. Protective arms wrapped around her, and the Princess spun her around, almost instinctively putting herself between Pidge and the bomb.

“Wait, Allura, it’s not-”

Before either girl could say anything further, they were flying through the air. Pidge shrieked as it felt like her side was being ripped open. The last thing they heard before the world went black were the screams of the other and a massive boom.

•••

“What the fuck was that?!”

“Allura and Pidge were... we need to get down there!” Hunk said frantically.

It seemed everyone else was of the same opinion as they all started racing towards the center of the city.

“Guys... I’m not picking up on their location.”

“Shit, neither am I.” Keith was pressing uselessly at random buttons in his ship, hoping to activate... something. “Hunk, can you try and... clear this up?”

“What do you think I’m doing?” Hunk snapped. “I’m working on it!”

“Um... is anyone else noticing a lack of exploded buildings? I thought that thing was supposed to blow up the whole city. There was the flash and the bang, and I’m seeing a lot of smoke over that way, but nothing falling apart. I mean, I’m glad it didn’t but doesn’t that seem a little weird?” Lance asked what everyone was thinking.

“I’m going to where the bomb was planted. The rest of you fan out and keep an eye out for them,” Shiro instructed, ignoring Lance. “But focus on looking for anyone else who needs help. We can’t just leave them because two of our own are missing, got it? Hunk, you keep looking for a way to get them back online.”

No one liked the implication that the girls might still be where the bomb had been. It didn’t matter how contained it was- there was no way they were coming out unscathed if they were right on top of it. That was why Shiro decided to go ahead of them. If he had to, he wanted to spare the younger boys from having to see their two team members like that. It would be best for them to hear it before seeing anything. Shiro was desperately hoping that they were both okay- that he wouldn’t have to see either one of them broken and charred. He didn’t want to add that to the horrors he had seen in his life.

As he flew, Shiro was surprised to see the overall lack of destruction. Lance had been right. No leveled buildings, no scorched vehicles (hover motors, the locals called them), no evidence at all that there had been any explosion. There had been a bright flash and a deafeningly loud bang, but it looked like next to nothing had been affected. What did that mean?

It wasn’t until he was about two miles away from the bomb site that any demolition became apparent, and when he reached it, it was devastating. It seemed the blast, instead of being stopped altogether, like they’d planned, had only been contained somehow. That didn’t bode well for the girls. If they had been within that zone...

He passed one toppled building after another, through still-smouldering ruins of metal, past the particularly sobering remnants of what looked like a children’s park, and struggled not to think of how a soft, squishy body would look after taking all this as damage.

When he finally flew within sight of the epicenter of the explosion, Shiro was shocked to see the Green and Blue Lions. Judging by the way she looked, Allura’s Lion must’ve taken the brunt of the blow. She was laying on her side down in a deep, scorched crater. All along her stomach, the outer layers of the Blue Lion had been blown away completely, leaving only exposed, robotic insides that made Shiro wince. The Green Lion didn’t look too much better- almost her entire right side was burned off.

How the hell could this have happened?

The Voltron Lions had been known to show up of their Paladins were in danger. Had that been the case here? If the Lions had somehow saved them, Shiro swore that he would fly to every corner of the galaxy backwards with his eyes closed to get them fixed up, and then throw in a damn fruit basket to top it off.

From his vantage point, he couldn’t see Pidge or Allura anywhere. He didn’t let himself think that, if they had been in the blast, there might not have been much of them left to see.

Behind him, the Black Lion roared. To his shock, Green’s eyes lit up ever so faintly, and her mouth opened just wide enough for him to get in. Shiro clambered through the rubble and inside slowly, holding his breath. If the Green Lion had scooped them up in time, then there was a slim chance that maybe they had lived. She had sustained massive damage as well, but the fact that Green was still able to open her mouth gave him hope. For what, he wasn’t entirely sure, but he tried to enjoy it anyway. It helped to offset the terrible anxiety that had been creeping through his veins from the minute the bomb exploded. One turn and he was in the pilot’s room

Shiro let out a massive sigh of relief when he saw two humanoid shapes in front of him. But when neither of them moved, he realized he might’ve been presumptuous in thinking that they were okay. Once again, he found it hard to breathe as he approached the two. It looked like the girls had been clutching each other when they were thrown inside, as their arms were still loosely wrapped around each other. The moment Shiro took a closer look, he knew that whatever had happened didn’t just have to do with the bomb.

Both of them had various injuries that couldn’t have been caused by an explosion. Allura had a chunk of her armor blown off on the front and back of her left shoulder (had she been shot twice?), and Pidge’s head was a bloody mess. They’d been attacked- that must’ve been why they weren’t able to get it disarmed in the first place. A blurry picture was starting to come together. Shiro knelt down in front of them and cautiously reached out a hand towards Pidge’s neck to search for a pulse. Before he could reach her, Allura moaned and her eyes flickered open.

“... Pidge?” she asked softly, sounding incredibly confused and pained. “Where... where’s Pidge...”

“Shh, she’s going to be fine,” Shiro said with confidence that he didn’t exactly have. “Are you up for telling me what happened?”

“Shiro? There was...” was all she said before her head tipped forward and she moaned again. Her arms wrapped tenderly around her stomach, and she looked like she wanted nothing more than to curl up and pass out again. She had to be in a world of hurt right now. Her Lion had practically had its stomach torn open- it hadn’t reacted at all when his Lion had roared. No doubt both girls would be feeling the damage to their Lions on top of their own wounds.

What was the right call here? He needed to get them both back to the Castle safely, and he needed to get the damaged Lions back to the Castle as well. He needed to figure out what had happened. That last one was fairly low on the list, priority-wise. “Guys? I found them, but I need some help. Hunk, I need you to come to my location, quickly. Keith and Lance, you guys keep looking for survivors. We still need to help as many of these people as we can. Keith, you start looking around near the epicenter and move outwards, Lance you start at the edges and work your way in.”

“On my way.”

“Are they okay?” Lance asked what was on all their minds.

“They’ll be fine. But we need to move. Allura? Pidge? Can either of you hear me?” Shiro had turned his microphone off and turned to the girls. Allura looked up blearily and frowned over at him. After a moment, Pidge’s eyes fluttered opened, and she met Shiro’s gaze. His heart soared, and he smiled at both of them. Neither smiled back. “What happened?”

For some reason, they both looked confused. However, it was cleared up rather quickly when Pidge spoke. Or rather, shouted. “What?”

They had just been at the site of an explosion- there was no way their ears were going to be working properly. In fact, now that Shiro thought about it, he was realizing that the likelihood of there being some kind of lasting damage was rather high. His mind raced to remember what he knew about blast trauma. Hearing, obviously. They didn’t seem to have any trouble seeing him, and that made him think (hope) that Green must’ve gotten her mouth closed around them before the flash had occurred. There was definitely blood coming from somewhere, which meant that one or both of them was still bleeding. He had a feeling that they had both been thrown around in the Lion’s cockpit. Until he could figure out where they had been exactly at the time of the explosion, there wasn’t really any way for him to guess what sort of non-visible injuries they may have had. All the more reason to get them to the Castle where Coran could look over them.

“What the heck happened?” Hunk managed to inadvertently sneak up on Shiro, and the older man jumped about half a foot in the air at the sudden voice. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m not entirely sure what happened, but I need you to take care of them until you make it back to the Castle. Can you do that? I’m going to get the Green and Blue Lions back so we can figure out how to fix them.” Shiro bent down and had Pidge wrap her arms around his neck to heft her up.

“Yeah, for sure. I can tow the Green Lion too, if you just want to get the Blue Lion.” Shiro nodded. “Alright, come on, let’s load up into Yellow so we can get some first aid rolling,” Hunk said quickly, clapping his hands and helping Allura to sling an arm around his shoulders. Both girls were alive, and practically unscathed compared to what Hunk had been imagining, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t concerned. Granted, both of them had some singed hair, Allura would be needing new armor, and Pidge appeared to be trembling, but it was better than them being dead.

Once they were all loaded up, Hunk’s eyes trailed more closely over the two girls. On closer inspection, Hunk realized that Allura really wasn’t looking so well. She wasn’t on deaths door, like Hunk had been afraid of, but she looked like she was about to vomit- a look Hunk was all too familiar with. She was clutching her stomach and was taking deep, deliberate breaths. “Allura? You okay?”

“It’s B-Blue,” she replied shakily. “Took a heavy hit. Hurts. Feels like a gut shot.”

Hunk winced. They all knew what it felt like to be hit by a Galran blaster. Usually they were only hit on the arms or legs; shots to the torso were rare. Having a vital area hit had to be uncomfortable to say the least. The Lions always reacted when their Paladin was hurt, and that connection went both ways- the usual hits their heavily armored Lions took tended to feel similar to hitting your shin against a coffee table. None of their Lions had ever been this badly damaged though, and he could only imagine how Allura- and Pidge, for that matter- must’ve been feeling. Pidge was anxiously trying to pat Allura’s back. She didn’t look too much better though. Pale and clammy, it looked like she was struggling to stay vertical. Given the way it was streaked everywhere across their bodies, it was impossible to tell where all the blood was coming from.

“Well, if you feel like you’re going to barf,” Hunk said, standing up and grabbing the bucket he kept in the cockpit, “feel free to use this.”

Allura accepted the bucket and held it between her legs. She didn’t think she was going to throw up, but she appreciated the gesture.

Once he was sure that Pidge and Allura were settled enough, Hunk rushed to the pilot’s seat and took to the sky. The Black Lion had already left, carrying the Blue Lion with it. Hunk’s Lion was slower, but steadier. As the girls didn’t seem to be in any immediate danger, Hunk figured it was probably for the best that they weren’t exactly zooming around in a shaky ship. Besides, his Lion wasn’t slow. It was just slower than the others. And, admittedly, it was even slower-going since he was hauling the Green Lion. He still arrived in under ten minutes though, and Shiro was waiting in his hangar to help unload the girls from the Yellow Lion.

Both Pidge and Allura refused to allow themselves to be carried this time, instead electing to lean heavily on Hunk and Shiro as they limped onto the solid Castle ground.

“So... how bad?” Pidge asked grimly.

“I can’t say for sure without doing a full on exam, but if I had to guess, you’ve both got a case of tinnitus-”

“I meant how bad was the damage to the city,” she interrupted Shiro, managing to only sound a little impatient.

“Oh. We don’t really know yet. The blast was pretty well contained. It looked like it only had about a two mile radius. When you consider that it was meant to destroy the whole city, it’s not nearly as bad as it could’ve been.”

“Still not as good as it should’ve been though. That’s an area of twelve miles.”

Twelve-and-some-change square miles of city blown up. Pidge took a deep breath and looked over at Allura. The princess had a similar expression on her face, and Pidge knew that they were thinking the same thing. ‘We failed.’

And it wasn’t even a small fail. It was a fail that resulted in casualties and uprooted lives. How many buildings had been toppled in the explosion? How many people lost their home? Their work? Their lives? What should’ve been a simple task had gone entirely off the rails. Pidge and Allura would’ve lost the entire city if not for their Lions.

“I’m gonna go lay down,” Pidge said wearily.

Next to her, Allura nodded, looking every bit as tired as Pidge. “I think I will as well.”

“Hey, neither of you are going anywhere like you are. You both need to go to the infirmary and get yourselves checked out. No arguing,” Shiro added sharply at Pidge’s look. She and Allura were both still worryingly pale. Allura hadn’t taken her arms off of her stomach since Shiro had found them, and judging by the way Pidge was curling ever-so-slightly to her right, he had a feeling that she was feeling the damage to Green as well. The sooner they could fix the Lions, the better. Shiro made a mental note to talk to Coran and Hunk about that. “You were in too serious of an accident. Pidge, I swear I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you there if I have to. Now come on.”

She blinked in surprise- Shiro rarely spoke to her like that. In fact, she couldn’t remember him ever trying to force her to do something that she didn’t want to do. Maybe she had grown just a bit too used to getting her way with him. Apparently she had no choice but to hobble beside him to where Coran would no doubt be waiting for them. It was impossible to miss the scowl she sent Shiro, but as long as she went along with it, he couldn’t bring himself to care right now. Maybe if she were in better shape he’d be a bit more malleable, but she wasn’t, and he couldn’t be. He would just have to deal with the cold shoulder later.

“Shiro- What should I do now?” Hunk asked uncertainly. He wanted to help Pidge and Allura, but it wasn’t fair to leave Lance and Keith alone down on the planet with no idea what was going on. (It was also incredibly uncomfortable seeing Pidge and Shiro argue. It wasn’t a common occurrence.)

Shiro seemed to be thinking along the same lines. “Why don’t you go back in Yellow and check up on Lance and Keith. Make sure they aren’t killing each other. Let them know that Pidge and Allura are alive, and what happened. And maybe take a look at their Lions, if they don’t need any help?”

Hunk wanted to point out that he didn’t know exactly what happened, but he recognized where he wasn’t needed and where he was. Besides, the important information was that the girls were alive. So he nodded and turned around to leave Pidge and Allura at the mercy of Coran and Shiro. No doubt Keith and Lance would appreciate a presence other than each other’s, even if it was just a voice.

Coran ran a variety of full-body tests on both girls, including scans for broken bones and internal bleeding. Somehow, by some miracle, neither of them had any incredibly serious injuries. Allura’s blaster burns required bandaging, Pidge had a concussion, and they both had a litany of bruises across their bodies, but given the circumstances, they were in good condition. In fact, the main thing causing either of them pain was the steady ache that came from the damage to their Lions.

“Well, the good news is that every injury you two have should be entirely healed within a few weeks- unless you wanted to hop into a healing pod and speed up the process?” Coran offered, looking a little hopeful. However, even as he was saying it, he was preparing bandages for Pidge’s head and Allura’s body. The chances of them accepting an unnecessary stay in a healing pod was extremely low.

Surprising absolutely no one, both Allura and Pidge shook their heads. Pidge was rather more vehement than Allura, but that wasn’t particularly out of the ordinary. For all her fascination with Altean technology, Pidge absolutely despised the pods. So Coran and Shiro both set about cleaning and bandaging their many wounds.

“Now can I go lay down?” Pidge asked impatiently the minute Coran stepped away from her.

“Alright. But I’d appreciate it if you two would come back and sleep here after you’ve gotten ready. Or if you might at least sleep in the same room so we can keep an eye on you,” Coran requested. Then, more softly, “and girls, try to remember, we can’t win all of them. And this wasn’t nearly as big a loss as it could’ve been. You two still managed to save a vast majority of the city,” he added gently. “Twelve square miles is a lot better than twelve hundred.”

Allura and Pidge shared a look that wasn’t missed by anyone, and it was easy to guess what they were thinking. Twelve miles was still far worse than it should’ve been. And they had to live with that. With the knowledge that hundreds- possibly even thousands of lives had just been ended, and countless more had been uprooted and torn apart because they failed.

There was no real point in saying anything. It was obvious that neither of them actually wanted to return to the infirmary. Neither of them wanted to be around more people than they absolutely had to. But they were both in pain, and severely lacking the capacity to argue.

So the girls walked out of the infirmary together in a strained silence. The princess couldn’t bring herself to look over at Pidge- at least, not until they had made a turn and she heard a loud sniff coming from the younger girl’s direction. Allura glanced over and was almost alarmed to see tears falling down Pidge’s face. That was beyond unusual- the Green Paladin rarely cried, and never over a mission. “Pidge...?”

“Allura, we messed up.” Pidge’s voice cracked when she looked over at her fellow Paladin. “We- we messed up, and look at what happened! If it hadn’t been for our Lions, that entire city would be gone. I know a lot is resting on our shoulders, but holy fucking shit, how the hell are we ever going to win? If the stakes are this high when it’s just one fucking city, how are we supposed to deal with it when it’s the whole fucking universe on the line? I mean-”

“Pidge! Enough!” Allura commanded. Her hands came to rest firmly on Pidge’s shoulders as she came to realize what was going on. The youngest Paladin wasn’t just upset about their mission; she was having a full blown existential crisis. Understandable- Allura was still reeling herself. The day’s events had shaken everyone as an unpleasant reminder of just how grave things could be if they were unsuccessful. Pidge had never been particularly fatalistic though. She tended to be more pragmatic, focusing on what was right in front of her rather than ‘what-ifs’. To suddenly be so close to having one of those ‘what-ifs’ actually happen had to be hard for her. “I know we have a lot on our shoulders, but you know as well as I do that panicking isn’t going to help.”

“B-but-” Pidge apparently lost what she was going to say as she dissolved into tears. The stress seemed to have caught up and overwhelmed her. Allura could feel the anxiety and pain radiating off of the younger girl like a beacon, and she had to fight off tears of her own. Instead, she pulled Pidge into a fierce hug. Pidge wrapped her arms around Allura immediately, and squeezed until it was almost painful. There was a moment where she was so tense her body was trembling and then-

Then she let out a wail that was closer to a scream. Allura felt it in her soul, and not just because it was directed at her midriff. It was a sound that was terribly familiar in times of war- she just hadn’t expected to hear it from Pidge. Clever, rational Pidge who rarely let feelings beyond determination and spite dictate her actions. Who always remained stubbornly in control of herself, like she had something to prove to the rest of her older teammates.

Small hands clawed at her back, seeming desperate for something to cling to, and Allura remained quiet through it. She was going to be strong for Pidge at any cost to herself- the girl seemed to need it desperately.

When they finally pulled apart, Pidge’s face was still chock-full of emotions, and none of them were pleasant.

“Try to think of how many people we did save,” Allura encouraged quietly. “We evacuated a large percentage of the population before the bomb went off, and we freed countless more from their... vile ruler.”

“But he wouldn’t have used the bomb if we hadn’t shown up,” Pidge shot back angrily. “They died because I- I mean, because we were here. Everyone that died down there- maybe they weren’t free. But now they’ll never have a chance to be.”

“They might be free now. We don’t know.” It was a weak argument at best, and Pidge only scowled at her. “Alright. So this wasn’t exactly a win. We knew going in that we wouldn’t be able to save everyone. We knew that there would be casualties. But Pidge, we still helped countless people down there. We helped more people than there were deaths. There’s only so much any of us can do, and we’re all going to make mistakes at some point or another.”

“But I don’t make-” Pidge cut off, grinding her teeth irritably.

Suddenly Allura understood. I don’t make mistakes. This wasn’t just Pidge being upset over lost lives. This was Pidge being upset because she was responsible for those lost lives. Or at least, she felt responsible. “Even you are allowed to make mistakes, Pidge,” the princess said softly. “No one blames you. You did the best you could in that situation.”

“Well, my best wasn’t good enough. I mean, I’ve never. If I had just. Ugh. Fuck.”

“Pidge, you should get some rest. You might feel better.” Allura’s voice was still painfully gentle, and Pidge found it hard to refuse her, no matter how much she wanted to. Sleep felt like a luxury she didn’t deserve right now. She was especially eager to avoid dreams at the moment- she wasn’t interested in what her subconscious could come up with after all that.

Still, it had its allure. It meant a reprieve from the ache that was settling in her bones (although she knew that wouldn’t totally go away until the damage to her Lion was tended to). Which reminded her... “my Lion...”

“Hunk and Coran are sure to be taking care of them both. Coran is the best person to have fixing one of the Voltron Lions, and you are well aware of how talented Hunk is at engineering. Right now, you need to sleep. As do I.”

Pidge sighed heavily and nodded in defeat. There was no way she would be able to hold herself up much longer. The dull ache that had accompanied the damage to their Lions had started fading into the background as exhaustion took over. They were each drained, physically and emotionally. It was all they could do to change out of their battle-filthy clothes and stumble back to the infirmary where there were two beds waiting for them.

Both girls were fast asleep almost as soon as their heads touched the pillows.

•••

Shiro had heard the entire encounter. He was trying to remain respectful of their privacy and not listen in, but it was hard to ignore when Pidge was yelling and he was stuck in the next room, waiting for them to finish so he could get by and update the boys on what had happened. It was clear that Coran, who was stoically going about cleaning up his station, was listening unintentionally as well. After they finished getting ready to sleep and returned to the infirmary, he finally met the old Altean’s eyes and sighed. “Do you think I should talk to Pidge about any of that?”

Coran bit his lip before shrugging helplessly. “Can’t say how much good it’ll do,” he admitted. “Number five can be a bit... emotionally stunted.”

“Tell me about it,” Shiro muttered. “There’s been a time or two when I wonder if she even feels emotions. She’s just so good at pushing them down... it’s easy to forget that she’s just as affected by everything as we are.”

“And that she’s so young,” Coran added sadly. “I probably shouldn’t be saying this, but if there were any of you Paladins I could choose to send home and be safe, it would be her. Every now and then, I just find myself thinking that she’s far too young to be out here.”

Shiro nodded. “But then as soon as I get to thinking that, she goes and does something extraordinarily clever to save the day and I’m reminded that we wouldn’t get very far without her.”

“Perhaps, this time, it would be enough to just remind her that you’re available if she ever needs an ear? Maybe with a brief assurance that it wasn’t her fault?” Coran suggested. “And we should get those Lions repaired. The sooner they’re fixed, the sooner those two will be back to not being in pain.”

Another nod. Shiro hesitated before he said anything. “Should- er, would you like me to help?”

Coran laughed and shook his head. “Oh, goodness no Shiro. I wouldn’t expect you to be able to help.”

“Hey! I went to the Garrison just like everyone else. I have plenty of engineering experience.”

“I was under the impression that you were a pilot, not an engineer.”

“Well...” Shiro bristled irritably, “yeah. But I’m sure I can help until Hunk gets back!”

“Sorry Shiro. It’s not that I doubt that you're smart. Your skill set just lies elsewhere. I’d rather not risk putting either Lion back together incorrectly, and to ensure that, I need someone who knows exactly what they’re doing and looking for. Besides, we need someone to stay here and keep an eye on them to make sure they don’t try sneaking off somewhere.”

Shiro sighed, but accepted Coran’s words with a nod. “Alright. I guess you have a point. In the meantime, I really should be getting back to the others. Have you got it here?”

“Of course I do. You go help the rest of Voltron. I think I can handle Pidge and Allura.”

“Really?”

“Well, as long as they remain asleep.”

The Black Paladin actually barked a laugh at that. No one could deny that both Allura and Pidge were forces to be reckoned with on their own- together they were a truly daunting duo. With another smaller sigh, Shiro reached for his helmet (he wasn’t sure when he’d taken it off and thrown it in the seat beside him) and put it back on. He closed his eyes and reached out to feel his connection to the Black Lion, unnecessarily telling it he was on his way. “Right. Good luck, Coran. Let me know if you need anything. I’ll send Hunk straight here afterwards
so you two can get started on fixing the Blue and Green Lions.”

When Shiro was gone, Coran turned back to his patients. They both looked so endearing in their sleep.

One would be forgiven for forgetting they were playing a key role in a war with endless casualties.

Many of which had been caused by them, directly or not.

They deserved a brief respite of rest.

•••

The next day, Pidge honestly wasn’t feeling too much better. She had started to accept what had happened, but she wasn’t ready to forgive herself just yet, so she was still in a rotten mood. The Green Paladin ignored Shiro when he called everyone to the bridge to go over what had happened the previous day; the events, the results, what their next move would be, and the numbers.

Pidge had absolutely no interest in any of that this time around, so she elected instead to go to the training room. It wasn’t like he could scold her for training. Moving was still rather painful, especially the moving she had to do to train efficiently, but it helped to keep her grounded and kept her from thinking too much, so she pushed through it. It wasn’t nearly as bad as yesterday; she had a feeling Hunk and Coran had pulled an all-nighter to get started fixing the Blue and Green Lions.

It was, naturally, only so long before someone showed up to find her.

And Pidge had a hunch that it wasn’t a coincidence that it was Allura who joined her in the training room, entirely decked out in her already-repaired Paladin armor. For a moment, Pidge considered ignoring her and simply continuing her training simulation. But it appeared the princess wouldn’t be leaving without first speaking with Pidge, if the way she was staring daggers at her was any indication.

So it was with a heavy, admittedly over-dramatic sigh that Pidge put a pause to her training sequence and turned to face Allura. “What?”

“What do you mean, ‘what?’” Allura asked, sounding rather evasive.

Pidge shot her a dirty look. “What are you doing here?”

“Perhaps I came to train.”

“Did you?”

“No. I wanted to talk to you some more about yesterday.”

“So talk.” Pidge looked like she wanted nothing more than to walk away from this conversation. But the Green Paladin was smart enough to know that there was no avoiding listening to whatever Allura wanted to tell her. It was going to happen one way or another; might as well just get it out of the way now.

Allura was quiet for a moment before her mouth opened again. “You know, if anyone’s to take the blame, I should say it’d be me. I was only tasked with protecting you so you could focus on getting the bomb deactivated. I failed in that, and allowed a sentry to hurt you and keep you away from your job.”

It looked like Pidge wanted to argue, but the fight quickly began to bleed out of her. She was tired of fighting right now. Tired of coming up with logical arguments, of proving her point, of being the clever one who came up with solutions.

The moment when resigned acceptance washed over her was visible. Her eyes closed and her shoulders sagged and she took a deep, steadying breath. “Okay, you’re right. We did the best we could. It wasn’t our fault that it detonated. Not entirely.”

Allura shot her a look at the last words, but otherwise nodded in agreement.

It was silent another moment before Pidge spoke again, her emotions once again held close to her chest. “What were the numbers like?”

Allura hesitated before answering. “They’re estimating around three thousand dead. It’s impossible to say how many are injured. But that’s not just from the bomb,” she added quickly, “those numbers are from the evacuation and subsequent turmoil as well. Millions more survived though,” she said, trying to put a brighter spin on things.

“Three thousand dead, huh?”

“Pidge,” Allura began softly, “try and remember; the majority of the population survived, and will now be able to live free from dictators. There’s been losses of life, but countless more will be able to live on in infinitely better conditions. There is some good that happened yesterday.”

“I know, princess. But I’m still allowed to be upset over the three thousand that lost their lives over all this.”

Well, Allura had to give Pidge that. It wasn’t like she could just command her to not be sad. Who was she to dictate someone else’s emotions? If Pidge was upset, she had every right to feel that grief.

“You’re right. Just... we did the best we could. That’s all we can ever do, and we can’t expect any more of ourselves, especially since our best has been getting exponentially better as time goes on. Try to keep that in mind, alright?”

Pidge once again fell quiet a moment more before sighing heavily a second time. “I will, Allura. Thank you. Did you want to train with me?”

Allura smiled and nodded at the younger girl. “I would. What are you doing?”

“Been fighting the gladiator. I’m on training sequence eight. Should be a piece of cake with both of us fighting.”

The princess only took a few moments to stretch out before summoning her bayard and cracking her whip experimentally. It was a satisfying sound that made both girls grin. “I concur. We can always increase the difficulty.”

Pidge nodded in agreement.

After all, their best would never improve if they didn’t push themselves.